


RWBY and JNPR watch The Blood Gulch Chronicles

by CeruleanLancer



Series: RWBY and JNPR Watch Red vs. Blue [1]
Category: RWBY, Red vs. Blue
Genre: Friendship, Humor, Reaction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:47:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 102
Words: 253,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25055665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CeruleanLancer/pseuds/CeruleanLancer
Summary: What happens when a mysterious file called "Red vs Blue" is downloaded onto Jaune's scroll? Teams RWBY and JNPR watch Red Vs Blue. Realistic reactions from the characters. Contains Out of Mind and the Alternate endings. Side stories with other characters reacting are spread out in the chapters. COMPLETE! Next fic RWBY and JNPR Watch The Recollection Trilogy. Cover art by Cruz7808. (Said Cover Art is on the other posting of this fic)-Originally posted on Fanfiction.net
Series: RWBY and JNPR Watch Red vs. Blue [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1814728
Kudos: 29





	1. S1E1 Why Are We Here?

**Author's Note:**

> I am leaving all author's notes exactly as they were, some may not apply to this site. I will still read any responses to said author's notes though. I will be active on this account but Fanfiction has my priority, sorry. I expect I will make a few mistakes on this site in some way. I hate Ao3's User Interface with a passion and I greatly prefer Fanfiction.net's. But some people exclusively read works on Ao3, just like how I only read Fanfictions on Fanfiction.net. 
> 
> I am just copy and pasting what's on fanfiction to here, you can call it lazy... because it absolutely is, Hope you enjoy! 
> 
> Review and Flame!

**Author's Note:**

**IMPORTANT BEFORE YOU READ:**

**Each chapter will act as one episode of Red Vs Blue so if you want to see a reaction for a certain episode just skip to it, also as for mini series I will write those reactions too, Out of Mind is one chapter.**

**Any and all reviews are fine and you can plagiarize my entire fanfiction just give me some credit. It's not as if I earn money for this so I don't care if my ideas are stolen. If you steal my idea and make it better I would love to read it. Hope you enjoy.**

**This was greatly inspired by the one great fanfiction like this that Turniphater wrote called "RWBY and JNPR watch the show" you should read it, it's about them watching RWBY, But I mainly wrote it because I hated "Watch react believe yikes" the reactions were not realistic.**

**Anyway Hope you enjoy and please review! Knowing you all care will help me get all the way up to season 10! And maybe through 11-13**

**P.S not counting this as a crossover because no characters ever meet each other.**

**P.S.S: I read all reviews, I love your support and feedback. It doesn't matter how late you are to the party.**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**RWBY and JNPR watch The Blood Gulch Chronicles**

**Chapter 1- Why Are We Here?**

"Jaune? is something wrong?" Pyrrha asked cautiously. Her caution was needed as her friend, teammate, and leader was currently slamming his fingers onto his scroll angrily.

"Yes!" The frantic blonde shouted startling Pyrrha. "Oh, sorry Pyrrha I didn't mean-"

"Its ok Jaune." Pyrrha said chuckling lightly diffusing the tension. "I can tell its not me making you so...upset."

"It's this scroll! A weird message popped up and then before I could even start reading it my scroll crashed!" Jaune yelled.

"And? Whats wrong with that?" Pyrrha asked seriously wondering.

"My scroll has never done this before, scrolls never do this, they aren't supposed to turn off while they're still open." Jaune explained frustrated. "I'm worried my scroll might be getting hacked."

"What? How would your scroll be getting hacked? I thought scrolls were the safest on the market." Pyrrha said.

Jaune laughed mirthlessly. "Oh please, scrolls are a joke, my sister Saphron was even able to trick the software or whatever- I forgot how she did it, she's like Ruby talking about weapons when it comes to tech stuff. Basically me and her can get any music for free and some movies."

"Isn't that illegal?" Pyrrha said suddenly worried.

"Well yeah b- but well- uh doesn't matter I'm just an innocent bystander. Besides the worst that can happen is she has to pay for all the free music and movies shes downloaded." Jaune stuttered out.

"So how did you get a virus?" She asked.

Next to them the overactive redhead Nora gasped "ohhh! Has our fearless leader been making some risky clicks! Bad Jaune! Bad!"

"What!" Jaune yelled face reddening. "No no no no not that no that's not- I don't go on those sites Nora!" It was hard to hear him talk over Nora's evil cackling.

"Nora, I think we would have noticed if Jaune was doing that." Ren calmly stated from the center of the room.

"Ren! Not helping!" Jaune flustered face even redder. "I thought you were meditating."

"I am" he let out a long breath, shutting everything out once again.

"It's probably a...I forgot what my sister called it, a zero day virus? No no that's something else. Probably a uh virus that I got a long time ago. Some viruses work like that, like real viruses. They're dormant until a year or two later the hacker activates it when you've forgotten all about the weird email you got or the dangerous website you visited and do whatever it is they wanted to do with the virus." Jaune explained as he looked at his scroll again.

"Ok that's interesting, I guess." Pyrrha said awkwardly before putting on a gentle smile and sitting next to Jaune. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Uh not really, sorry Pyrrha but thanks." Jaune said standing up. "I could ask team RWBY."

"Oh, I thought they were relaxing after the breach. They said they didn't want to be disturbed." Pyrrha explained.

"I thought they were getting ready for the tournament?" Jaune said confused.

"Speaking of that-" Nora said getting up from annoying Ren.

"Nope! Nope uh I'm going to go awa- going to talk to team RWBY." Jaune said quickly escaping. Pyrrha tried to protest but he was out the door in a flash.

"Traitor." Pyrrha huffed under her breath as Nora started changing into her workout clothes.

Jaune quickly shut the door behind him and leaned against it sighing in relief. He did not want to go through more of Nora's training, Nora may have an infinite supply of energy But Jaune does not.

Jaune pressed his ear against the door and heard furious weight lifting from Nora and annoyed sighs from Ren. He chuckled nervously before strolling across the hall and knocking on team RWBY's door.

"Finally something happens!" Yang yelled from inside instantly. Jaune barely had any time to react before Ruby's smiling face was in front of him.

"Hey Jaune!" She shouted excited.

"Uh hey? Can any of you help me with something." Jaune asked.

"What is it?" Yang asked getting up from her bunk.

"I think my scroll has been hacked." Jaune said holding it up.

"What kind of websites have you been going too?" Yang asked suggestively moving her eyebrows.

"Ugh not you too!" Jaune said facepalming.

Blake started laughing and Jaune could already feel his face reddening.

"Blake why are you laughing? Your porn books are worse than anything I could ever find online." Jaune said smugly. Yang had happily told Jaune that little tid-bit of blackmail a while ago. "Not that I'm admitting to anything!" Jaune quickly added.

"Ugh, can't believe I have to share a room with such filthy books." Weiss huffed out while doing homework.

" _Such filthy books"_ Yang mimicked "what books did I catch you trying to steal in the middle of the night?"

"Wha! What do-"

"Almost killed me" Blake said angrily turning a page. She continued to mutter about bunks toppling over and her arms still hurting.

"Ok ok stop!" Jaune yelled before more arguments could start. "Can anyone help me?"

"Uhhhhhhh" Ruby said tapping her chin. "Nope"

"Anyone else?" Jaune asked.

"Sorry." Yang said looking at Jaune's scroll. "Ruby would have been the best person to help but scrolls aren't weapons."

That caused Ruby to gasp excitedly.

"Yang! What if-"

"No"

"But-"

"No! Ruby down!"

"I'm not a dog." Ruby pouted.

"Just ask Professor Oobleck-"

"Doctor" Ruby half heartedly corrected.

"Professor Oobleck" Yang continued. "Ask him if he knows anything."

"Ok." Jaune said with a sigh, "Thanks anyway guys- uh girls. Anywa- wait Look! The screen isn't black anymore!" Jaune said happily as his scroll lit up.

Yang and Ruby crowded around him clearly very interested. Jaune's scroll had a bright loading icon and a bar that moving slowly across the screen. The bar moved fast and once it had finished his scroll opened up to reveal a brand new message from "Redacted"

"Redacted?" Ruby questioned.

"Is that their name or was their name redacted?" Yang asked.

Jaune just shrugged.

"Hmm, well tap it Jaune see what they said." Ruby ordered, her curiosity growing.

He did and saw the very long message He had received.

"Dear those who received this message." Jaune read aloud.

That piqued Weiss and Blake's interests. They looked up and turned to Jaune and gestured for him to keep going.

"Uh" Jaune said before clearing his throat.

"Come on already! Suspense is killing me." Yang yelled frustrated.

"Alright alright! uh ok it says dear receivers of this message. I'm [Redacted], And I have hacked your [scroll] and the seven surrounding [scroll]s-"

"What!" Ruby yelled checking her scroll.

"Now I'm sure this has you panicked-"

"Ahhhh!" Ruby screamed looking at her scroll.

"But it is best for everyone if you just remain calm-"

"Ahh! no,no, no, no! What do I do!"

"Ruby!" Yang yelled shutting her up.

"Now I have not hacked your [scroll]s for any uncool purpose, only to download one of my favorite stories ever onto your [scroll]s! Found this show deep in the Archives, it's on your [scroll] The remaining [scroll]s are just extra storage space. You can access this show from the new (RvB app!) that is now on your [scroll]. The show is titled Red Vs Blue, you and the other seven are to watch this show, or not. The choice is up to you, free country yadda yadda yadda, the show Red vs Blue however is from a different universe!-"

"What?" Blake asked.

"This is clearly a joke, or a scam" Weiss added.

"This is not a joke or a scam" Jaune read off. Yang chuckled but Jaune kept reading.

"Yes this show is actually from another universe, I won't explain it but I guess you know the multiverse theory?"

Ruby started raising a hand. "Uhh"

"Basically every universe exists, every possibility is possible, its infinite. That's the theory. Like there's a universe where I never existed, a universe where Grimm don't exist, or maybe something even as small as a fly landing on me or a fly landing on you." Jaune explained.

"Oh, woah! Wow that's so cool what if-" Ruby started going off on a tangent but Yang sighed and held a hand over her mouth. Before the two could start fighting Jaune continued to read.

"I will not explain anything about the show, you will come to your own conclusions. You unlock episode two by watching episode one. A more detailed explanation will be presented in the guide section of the app. Also I will mention this right now before anything happens, just a little tip. You can do whatever you want with this show but, telling others about a show from another universe might come off as Ca-Razy."

"That makes sense" Yang said shrugging.

"I will reveal myself when you finish watching the show! Enjoy" Jaune finished.

Things were silent for a moment. Until Weiss broke it.

"Has to be fake." Weiss said bluntly.

"Well, my entire storage space has been taken up." Blake said holding up her scroll.

"Mine too." Yang said checking hers.

"Nooooo! What about my games? How can I download the next Empire Rush?" Ruby asked.

Jaune ignored her and looked at the new app on his phone. It was weird, when He opened it a loading screen appeared of a spinning futuristic helmet colored red on one side and blue on the other. When it finished loading a welcoming message appeared. He was about to read it until a robotic voice started talking. Weiss and Blake stood up and crowded around him too, along with Ruby and Yang.

" _Welcome to the Red Vs Blue app! My name is F.I.L.S.S would you like me to run the tutorial program?_ " The female robotic voice said as a yes or no option appeared.

"Uh, we should tell my team before we decide anything." Jaune said, they nodded and joined me as Jaune went to his dorm. When He opened the door He sighed.

Ren was back to meditating, Nora was passed out in a sweaty mess with Pyrrha stood over her with a worried expression.

"Yay" Jaune said sarcastically.

It took a little bit but once Jaune convinced Ren to wake Nora up he simply said pancakes and whatever fatigue she felt after her grueling workout was forgotten. Ren and Nora were ready.

"Is something else wrong besides your scroll Jaune?" Pyrrha asked.

"All our scrolls are hacked and that weird message y-" Ruby shouted.

"What! All our scrolls!" Nora yelled.

Jaune's team or more accurately _Nora_ proceeded to freak out for a little before eventually calming down. Jaune showed them the message and explained what He could.

while he explained everyone got situated and comfortable.

"So yes or no guys?" Jaune asked.

"Tutorial program? Sounds important." Pyrrha said.

And with that Jaune hit yes.

" _Excellent!_ " Filss said. " _Before I continue, please connect your device to a TV._ "

It took some doing but eventually they organized a tv in the center of team JNPR's dorm, team RWBY was surprisingly fast with construction.

"Its like movie night!" Ruby said happily.

"Except we're being forced to watch the movie." Weiss huffed.

"No we aren't?" Yang said.

"Well, we have nothing better to do." Blake explained.

Once it was paired with the TV the screen showed everything on Jaune's scroll with only a slight delay.

" _Great! Now this is the main menu, from this menu you can access everything about the app._ " Filss continued. The option for play highlighted. "T _his is where you can start watching the show, this-_ "

"This is boring." Nora said.

"Yeah, lets just skip this part." Ruby said.

"But, its explaining how-" Jaune started.

"Its a regular menu, like any other movie. Look! play, scene select, options, its not special." Ruby explained. "The only new thing is the songs option but that's self expla- ex- explanatory" Ruby said proudly.

"Just use small words." Yang said teasing Ruby.

"I'm eating cookies!" Ruby defended.

Jaune sighed and cancelled the training program.

"Uh so, do you all just want to start it?" Jaune asked.

Everyone agreed in some way or another and Jaune tapped play on his scroll. It loading for a second before starting. Anticipation hung in the air.

All were situated watching the TV screen. They had moved bean bag chairs from RWBY's room over for extra seats and used Jaune and Pyrrha's bed for the rest. Jaune hit play.

**The song "Blood Gulch Blues" by Trocadero started playing with the season one intro. The camera panned down to show Blood Gulch.**

"Why does it look so bad?" Yang's grimace was immediate.

"We might get the answer if you would be quiet!" Weiss snapped.

"Hold on pause it!" Ren shouted surprising us.

"What?" Jaune asked pausing it.

"If the show is truly from another universe I want to take notes." Ren said grabbing a notebook.

"That's a good idea" Weiss agreed.

"So you think is from another universe?" Ruby taunted.

"No but it might be important to take notes from a show shown to us by hackers." Weiss explained which shut Ruby up.

**The camera panned down to show Red team.**

"Red vs blue? Hmm this is clearly a team, so maybe its two teams Red team vs Blue team." Weiss theorized.

"Thanks captain obvious." Yang quipped, silencing Weiss.

**The intro continued and introduced each character. Donut was in Red armor.**

"Are you getting this Ren?" Weiss asked, Ren nodded.

**The camera then swiftly moved across the canyon to show Blue team and introduced each character.**

"The tank is a character? Weird.. but cool!" Nora commented.

**The intro continued, it showed Vic but he wasn't named and he was still in his gray suit. Then it showed a combination of action sequences until finally fading to black.**

" **Blood Gulch Chronicles: Season 1" appeared on the screen.**

" **Why are we here?" Followed.**

"I wonder how many seasons there are." Pyrrha commented.

**Camera pans up to reveal Grif and Simmons standing on the Red base**

**Simmons: "Hey."**

**Grif: "Yeah?"**

**Simmons: "You ever wonder why we're here?"**

"I've always wondered that." Ren said pausing the show. "are-"

"Stop pausing the show" Yang groaned.

 **Grif: "It's one of life's great mysteries, isn't it. Why** _ **are**_ **we here? I mean, are we the product of... some cosmic coincidence or, is there really a God... watching everything? You know, with a plan for us and stuff. I don't know man, but it keeps me up at night."**

**Simmons: "..."**

**Grif: "..."**

"Wow this show is getting deep already." Jaune commented.

 **Simmons: "What? I meant why are we out** _**here** _ **, in this canyon?"**

**Grif: "Oh, uh... yeah."**

**Simmons: "What was all that stuff about God?"**

**Grif: "Uh... hm? Nothing."**

**Simmons: "You wanna talk about it?"**

**Grif: "No"**

**Simmons: "You sure?"**

**Grif: "Yeah."**

"Strange intro to a show" Pyrrha commented.

"Is this supposed to be a comedy?" Weiss asked.

"Maybe?" Jaune answered.

"Why does it look so bad." Nora said asking Ren.

"I don't know Nora." Ren answered.

 **Simmons: "Seriously though, why** _ **are**_ **we out here? Far as I can tell, it's just a box canyon in the middle of nowhere, with no way in or out."**

**Grif: "Mhm."**

**Simmons: "And the only reason that we set up a red base here, is because they have a blue base over there. And the only reason they have a blue base over there is because we have a red base here."**

**Grif: "Yeah, that's because we're fighting each other."**

**Simmons: "No no, but I mean, even if we were to pull out today, and they were to come take our base, they would have two bases in the middle of a box canyon. Whoop de fucking do!"**

"Seems like the show curses a lot." Weiss grimaced.

"So?" Yang questioned.

"It just seems inappropriate and unprofessional."

Jaune groaned, "and? Nothing anyone should do about it. People should be allowed to make whatever shows they want, if the audience doesn't like it then the creators will change it. Production companies shouldn't interfere with creativity. And if a kid watches something too _mature_ for them then the parents should talk it out with them or-"

"We don't want to hear your rant Jaune." Weiss said.

Yang nodded, "Yeah no preaching."

"Sorry." Jaune mumbled.

"That's an interesting opinion Jaune." Pyrrha praised.

**Grif: "What's up with that anyway? I mean, I signed on to fight some aliens. Next thing I know Master Chief blows up the whole Covenant armada, and I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere, fighting a bunch of blue guys."**

"Aliens? Maybe in this show they figured out how to use dust and go to space." Ren commented while writing something down.

**The camera switched to show Church zoomed in with a sniper rifle on Grif and Simmons.**

"Oh oh oh! That's so cool its not animation guys!." Ruby said excited.

"What? No way their cameras are that bad." Weiss said.

"No no shes right look at the way they move! Its a video game." Yang said.

"Yeah wow, they probably move the characters then put audio over the video." Jaune said amazed.

"Is that why the graphics are so bad?" Blake asked.

"Maybe, graphics used to look that bad in games around 18 to 20 years ago." Ruby said.

"You sure know a lot about video games, are there any games like this one?" Pyrrha asked.

"No but it looks like a shooter, a first person shooter. Basically you control your guy and shoot other guys and whichever team gets the most kills wins." Ruby said as Ren quickly jotted her words down.

**Tucker: "What're they doing?"**

**Church: "What?"**

**Tucker: "I said what're they doing now?"**

**Church: "God damn, I'm getting so sick of answering that question!"**

**Tucker: "Hey you have the fucking rifle, I can't see shit. Don't bitch at me because I'm not going to just sit up here and play with my dick all day."**

Weiss groaned at the immaturity.

 **Church: "Okay, okay look: They're just standing there, and talking, okay? That's all they're doing. That's all they** _ **ever**_ **do, is just stand there and talk. That's what they were doing last week, that's what they were doing when you asked me five minutes ago. So five minutes from** _ **now**_ **, when you ask me 'What're they doing?' my answer's gonna be 'They're still just talking, and they're still just standing there!'"**

"That voice sounds so familiar" Yang said.

"Yeah I was thinking the same thing." Ruby said leaning forward.

**Tucker: "... What're they talking about?"**

**Church: "You know what? I fucking hate you."**

"Really dysfunctional. They don't like each other at all." Pyrrha commented.

"Hmm the Atlas military is a lot more organized and disciplined than these soldiers. The advanced armor is interesting though, nothing in Atlas is like that." Weiss explained.

"Well it is a video game." Yang said.

"Looks really futuristic." Jaune commented.

**cut to Grif and Simmons at the red base**

**Grif: "Talk about a waste of resources. I mean, we should be out there finding new and intelligent forms of life. You know, fight** _**them** _ **."**

 **Simmons: "Yeah, no shit. That's why they should put** _ **us**_ **in charge."**

**Sarge is standing on the ground, looking up at them**

**Sarge: "Ladies! Front and center, on the double!"**

**Simmons: "Fuck, me."**

**Grif: "Yes sir"**

**The screen faded to black. And stopped completely, no scene change. It was over.**

"What? That's it? That was like five minutes!" Jaune complained.

"Yeah really short episode." Yang said.

"Lets watch another!" Nora said excited.

"I still can't think of why that voice sounds so familiar." Ruby said furrowing her brows.

* * *

**The one who sent them the show is not I repeat NOT me self inserting, it is a Red Vs Blue character(s) who sent them the show.**

**EDIT: 1 MILLION total views for this fic. That is pretty goddamn incredible. I can't wait to announce this with a more heartfelt message in the next chapter of the Freelancer reaction fic(S9E9 reaction). At the moment I am going through all old chapters to edit the format and fix mistakes. I just saw 1,000,080 total views and just wow. I am blown away, I know that number is very inflated from the actual amount of people who have read this fic, very inflated. But I am happy nonetheless. For any new readers, I hope you enjoy reading. I know this is just a react fic and not an actual story but.. it's my true start in writing. This fic let me make mistakes, learn the beginner lessons of writing, and get feedback from the amazing Fanfiction Community.**

**I hope any of you that hope to write one day know that Fanfiction is a great starting point. Write your fic and write it well, make your mistakes, have fun writing and most importantly. Don't. Stop.**

**I love you guys. Seeing that overblown, inflated,** **arbitrary, and honestly incorrect statistic genuinely made me happy.**

**Thank you, all of you. I hope you newbies enjoy!**

**See you in the upcoming chapters- _CeruleanLancer_**


	2. S1E2 Red Gets a Delivery

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls.**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 2- Red gets a delivery**

"So wanna start the next one?" Jaune asked.

"Yeah, hope that intro doesn't play every time. It would take up the whole episode." Weiss commented.

Jaune hit play.

**Instead of an intro a black screen with the words "Red gets a delivery" appeared with the usual Red vs Blue guitar theme.**

"What was last episode called?" Ruby asked.

"Why are we here I think." Ren said looking through his notes.

**Grif and Simmons run up in front of Sarge, and stand there**

**Sarge: "Hurry up ladies, this ain't no ice cream social!"**

**Simmons: "Ice cream social?"**

**Sarge: "Stop the pillow-talk you two. Anyone want to guess, why I gathered you here, today?"**

**Grif: "Um, is it because the war's over and you're sending us home?"**

**Sarge: "That's exactly it, private. War's over. We won. Turns out you're the big hero, and we're gonna hold a parade in your honor. I get to drive the float, and Simmons here,** _**is in charge of confetti!"** _

"Wow, he's mean." Jaune said.

"He has to be, he's a general and its important to keep his troops in line." Weiss said. "I wonder who will win? Blue team seems to be dysfunctional and I don't know if we've seen their leader yet."

"Maybe their Sarge can keep them in line?" Ren said.

"Hmm, we'll see, but this one has an odd way of speaking." Pyrrha said.

"Yeah, weird accent." Ruby said

**Grif: "I'm no stranger to sarcasm, sir."**

**Sarge: "God dammit private, shut your mouth or else I'll have Simmons slit your throat while you're asleep!"**

"Woah, doesn't like Grif at all." Yang chuckled.

"He's really mean." Ruby frowned.

"I like him! Maybe if he was helping me, we could whip you all into shape for the big tournament!" Nora shouted.

The rest of team JNPR ignored her and Jaune hit play again.

"Hmm, monotheistic religion said god not gods." Ren mumbled..

**Simmons: "Oh, I'd do it too."**

**Sarge: "I know you would Simmons... good man. Couple of things today, ladies: Command has seen fit to increase our ranks here at Blood Gulch Outpost Number 1."**

"Outpost number 1" Ren mumbled.

"He's a good man for agreeing to kill his teammate?" Blake said confused.

"The audio quality is kind of bad." Jaune commented.

"Maybe its old?" Weiss said mainly to Ren who jotted it into his notes.

**Grif: "Crap, we're getting a rookie."**

**Sarge: "That's right dead man. Our new recruit will be here within the week. But today, we received the first part of our shipment from Command. Lopez... bring up the vehicle."**

**A jeep emerges from the hill behind Sarge**

"Wow that's so cool! Its like if Coco put her gun on the car. But its different for some reason? The turret end is a triangle instead of a circle wouldn't that-" Ruby started to say.

"Ruby, please lets just watch." Yang said stopping her from explaining and going off about weapons.

"Wait, Ruby keep going." Ren said holding his note pad and pencil at the ready.

Ruby beamed "the triangle at the end, it might be to...oh, oh! It might decrease weapon wobble! It'll increase accuracy because of the difficulty to turn. -keep it straight, wow! I should run this by Coco."

Ren finished his Notes as Ruby texted Coco.

**Simmons: "Shotgun!"**

**Grif: "Shotgun! Fuck!"**

**Sarge: "May I introduce, our new light reconnaissance vehicle. It has four inch armor plating, maaag buffer suspension, a mounted machine gunner position, and total seating for three. Gentlemen, this is the M12-LRV! I like to call it the Warthog."**

**Simmons: "Why 'Warthog' sir?"**

**Sarge: "Because M12-LRV is too hard to say in conversation, son."**

**Grif: "No, but... why** _**'Warthog'** _ **? I mean, it doesn't really look like a pig..."**

Ruby was practically drooling at the sight of the Warthog.

"So alternate universe but they still have the same animals? I wonder whats different about this one." Pyrrha asked.

"That is to assume its from a different universe which I don't believe." Weiss said crossing her arms.

**Sarge: "Say that again?"**

**Grif: "I think it looks more like a puma."**

**Sarge: "What in sam hill is a puma?"**

**Simmons: "Uh... you mean like the shoe company?"**

"Shoe company? I wonder if that means a shoe company in the show or in the world or universe or wherever that this is made in." Jaune wondered aloud.

"It's not from another universe that's impossible." Weiss said getting frustrated.

**Grif: "No, like a puma its a big cat, like a lion."**

"Blake?"

"I'm gonna stop you right there Yang, no"

**Sarge: "You're making that up."**

**Grif: "I'm telling you, it's a real animal!"**

**Sarge: "Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal."**

**Simmons: "Yes sir!"**

**Sarge: "Look, see these two tow hooks? They look like tusks. And what kind of animal has tusks?"**

"A boarbatusk" Ruby said.

"Animal." Weiss corrected.

"Oh yeah, I wonder if they have Grimm in their world? Or in the show?" Ruby asked.

"Well, they are on a ring world." Ren said.

"What?" Jaune asked confused.

"You all didn't notice? In the intro it showed the man in grey in a ship of some kind that overlooked a huge ring in space." Ren explained.

"Huh Is that Like their planets?" Nora wondered. "The rings I mean." She said trying to explain.

"No, there was also a regular planet in the background." Ren said.

**Grif: "A walrus."**

**Sarge: "Didn't I just tell you to stop makin up animals!"**

**the scene changed to Show Church with a zoomed in sniper rifle on the reds.**

"Ohh! Look that sniper has eight times optimal zoom! Mine only has four." Ruby said amazed.

"How can you tell?" Jaune asked.

"Bottom right of the reticle, it always says the zoom, standard issue for snipers." Ruby explained.

"Oh" Jaune hummed.

**Tucker: "What is that thing?"**

**Church: "I don't know, but it looks like uh... looks like they got some kinda car down there. We'd better get back to base and report it."**

**Tucker: "A car? How come they get a car?"**

**Church: "What are you complaining about man? We're about to get a tank in the very next drop."**

"Church sounds like dad!" Ruby yelled.

Yang let out a loud shout. "Oh! I knew I recognized that voice somewhere. He sounds almost exactly like dad!"

"What? Really." Jaune said pausing the show. "Cool."

"That's so weird." Nora said "what if it's your dad in the other universe!"

"Its not another universe! That's impossible." Weiss shouted.

"Hold on hold on, I'm gonna call dad and get him to say the same line." Ruby said.

"Good idea!" Yang said huddling around Ruby's scroll.

*Riiiiinnng Riiiinnn-*

Their dad picked up almost instantly.

"Hey Ruby! Why are you calling again so soon?" Tai asked.

"Hey dad this is gonna sound weird but can you say something for me?" Ruby asked.

"Uhh what is it?" He asked.

"Say what are you complaining about man? We're about to get a tank in the very next drop." Ruby said.

"...Why?" He asked.

"We'll explain later just do it!" Yang said.

"Yang? Am I on speaker?" Tai asked.

"Uhh yeah" Ruby said cringing.

"...why again"

"Just say it." Ruby ordered.

"On one condition."

"What is it?"

"You two take Zwei back, I don't care if your team member Blake doesn't like him, I can't have him alo-"

"Yes! Yes send him back dad please!" Ruby begged.

"Ok deal, uh-"

"Wait wait wait!" Blake shouted.

"What?" Ruby asked.

"I don't want that monster back here." Blake said angrily.

"Zwei's cute! He's not a monster why do you hate dogs." Ruby said defending Zwei.

"I just do" Blake said crossing her arms.

"Way to adhere to Faunus stereotypes Blake." Yang taunted with a knowing grin. She knew Blake would back down now.

Blake glared at Yang for a second.

"Fine"

"Yay! Ok dad go."

"Uh what are you complaining about...uh man. We are going to get a tank in the next drop." He said sounding exactly like church.

"Wow that's so cool! Ok thanks dad bye!" Ruby said hanging up before he could protest.

"That still doesn't mean this is from another universe." Weiss said crossing her arms again.

"Oh stop complaining, in a day or two Zwei will be here." Yang said, Weiss smiled at the thought of seeing Zwei again.

Jaune hit play before anyone could interrupt again.

**Tucker: "You can't pick up chicks in a tank."**

"Why not?" Ruby asked ignoring Jaune's frustrated face when He paused again.

"Ruby just because you get all hot and bothered over weaponry doesn't mean everyone else does." Yang teased.

Ruby blushed "what! No! that's not what I meant, can't tanks seat a bunch of people?" Ruby asked deflecting.

"You would know Ruby." Weiss said.

Jaune and Pyrrha chuckled at their antics.

 **Church: "Oh, you know what, you could bitch about anything, couldn't you? We're gonna get a tank, and you're worried about chicks. What chicks are we gonna pick up man!?** **Firay- and secondly, how are we gonna pick up chicks in a car that looks like that?"**

"Just ask Ruby if she wants to see the inside of the tank." Yang chuckled.

Ruby growled, "I'm not stupid, that's the same as someone asking if I want to see the inside of their unmarked white van."

**Tucker: "Well what kind of car is it?"**

**Church: "I don't know, I've never seen a car that looks like that before, it looks like a uh... like a big cat of some kind."**

**Tucker: "... ... what, like a puma?"**

**Church: "Yeah man, there ya go."**

**Back to the reds**

**Sarge: "So unless anybody else has any more mythical creatures to suggest as a name for the new vehicle, we're gonna stick with 'the Warthog'. How about it Grif?"**

**Grif: "No sir, no more suggestions."**

**Sarge: "Are you sure? How 'bout Bigfoot?"**

"What kind of mythical creature is named bigfoot?" Yang mumbled.

"Ooo maybe it steps on people!" Nora made a squashing gesture.

**Grif: "That's okay."**

**Sarge: "Unicorn?"**

**Grif: "No really, I'm... I'm cool."**

**Sarge: "Sasquatch?"**

**Simmons: "Leprechaun?"**

"What are those things?" Ruby asked.

"Well, the sergeant said mythical creatures so maybe these are mythical creatures in this universe." Pyrrha explained.

"It is not another universe." Weiss grumbled getting angrier.

**Grif: "Hey, he doesn't need any help man."**

**Sarge: "phoenix?"**

**Grif: "*Sigh* ugh Christ"**

"Christ? Is that a curse word?" Ruby asked the resident expert of curses Yang.

"Not that I know of. Could be a curse word in this uni-"

"It is NOT another universe, it's hackers!" Weiss yelled.

"Woah calm down Weiss-Cream"

"Weiss cream?" Weiss asked.

"You hate Ice Queen" Yang explained.

"That's not exactly better." Weiss said.

**Sarge: "Hey Simmons, what's the name of that Mexican lizard, eats all the goats?"**

"Mexican?" Nora said looking to Ren who shrugged.

**Simmons: "Uh, that would be the Chupacabra, sir!"**

**Sarge: "Hey Grif! Chupathingie, how 'bout that? I like it! Got a ring to it.."**

**The screen faded to black.**

"Next episode?" Jaune asked.

Everyone agreed.

* * *

" **Weiss cream" is something thought up by the best fanfiction writer I've seen so far Coeur Al'Aran not me. Hope you all enjoyed the chapter please review and let me know where I can improve, knowing people care will get me all the way up to season 10.**


	3. S1E3 The Rookies

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls.**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 3- The Rookies**

"Wait before we start it we need to get snacks." Ruby said to a lot of agreement.

"So does that mean we are going to binge the show?" Jaune asked looking around.

Yang and Ruby seemed to be very interested already but probably just because Church sounded like their dad.

Ren was obviously excited over the whole "different universe" thing. Jaune couldn't tell at all with Blake but she hasn't complained yet. Unlike Weiss...she might just want to watch the show out of spite or because there's nothing else to do. She might try to find some proof that its not from another universe.

Pyrrha didn't seem to mind, Nora was Nora and well, nuff said. Everyone muttered some agreements except Weiss who huffed.

"Weiss?" Jaune questioned.

"Its immature and hackers showed it to us, but...Fine I'll watch it." She said with a hint of a smile.

"Yaayy! Weiss is on board!" Ruby yelled hugging Weiss.

"If you keep hugging me I'll do homework instead." Weiss threatened.

"Don't you just have Professor Ports homework?" Yang asked raising an eyebrow.

Weiss sighed and lightly hugged Ruby back. Ruby's smile was practically glowing, Weiss looked around for help to get the mass of happiness off her to no avail. Weiss eventually had no choice but to stand up as Ruby held on hanging off her like a baby.

"Yang do you have enough snacks for all of us back in your room? We only have pancakes." Jaune asked.

"Yeah we have a bunch come on." Yang said grabbing Jaune's arm and dragging him across the hall.

Jaune wrenched his arm free when He got into their dorm. He didn't notice before but it was a mess. There was practically only one clean spot around Weiss and Blakes bunk but that was it. Blakes porn stash was very poorly hidden, luckily it was nowhere near the food. _Gross._

"ok what food are we getting?" Jaune asked.

"I'll say a snack and you say yay or nay." Yang said rummaging through the mini fridge and cupboard.

"Ok, shoot."

"Pumpkin Petes?"

"Yay, a definite must have." Jaune said grabbing the box.

"Uh what kind of chips? I basically have every brand." Yang asked.

"Well we're binging it right? All of them, yay, yay, and yay."

"Rest in peace Ruby's diet." Yang said sighing.

"Ruby is on a diet?" Jaune asked.

"Only by her definition." Yang said laughing.

"Never thought she would ever need one, still don't." Jaune commented.

"Aww that's a sweet compliment." Yang said over exaggerating the aww.

"What? Its true, I didn't even mean it as a compliment. Every girl here looks like a supermodel." Jaune said grabbing the bags of chips.

"Everyone includes me! Thanks Jaune."

"Uh no problem."

"You really have come far from the bumbling idiot I first met." Yang said a little harshly on accident.

"Wow, I'm standing over here complimenting you and you say that? Mean." Jaune said with mock hurt.

"That was a compliment! And you didn't even know you were complimenting us." Yang shot back while handing him the last of the snacks. "Though I will say every guy here looks like a body builder, well except Port. and I guess Ozpin."

"Whatever, think this will be enough? Ruby's quote unquote diet will likely be eating all the cookies before we can touch them." Jaune said carrying his fill of snacks.

"It'll be fine, besides I'm not that hungry anyway are you?" Yang asked.

"No, hey- did they start it without us!?" Jaune yelled when He heard music coming from the room. He opened the door quickly to see Weiss picking strings on His guitar.

They locked eyes for a second, the rate at which her face turned from pale to beat red was incredible.

"I didn't know you could play the guitar." Jaune said.

"I can't...I mean not really." Weiss said shoving the guitar away perhaps too quickly.

"Wow, hey Weiss you want an apple?" Yang teased holding up an apple that was almost as red as her face. Weiss huffed but accepted it. Jaune divvied up the snacks between them all and sat down with his bag of chips.

He hit play and episode 3 started playing.

" **The rookies" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

**Simmons and Grif at the red base. Donut in red armor is walking up the ramp behind them**

**Simmons: "Hey that's not exactly what happened."**

**Grif: "Yes it is. You said "I'm not going to the Vegas Quadrant," and then the next thing I know you're in an escape pod headed for-"**

**Donut in Red Armor: "Excuse me uh, sirs."**

"Two red soldiers? That's gonna get confusing." Ruby said.

"Confusing for you." Yang teased.

Ruby stuck her tongue out at Yang as Jaune hit play.

**Simmons: "Sirs?"**

**Grif: "Ah crap."**

**Donut: "I was told to report to Blood Gulch Outpost Number One and speak to whoever's in charge?"**

**Grif: "Sorry man, Sarge is at Command getting orders. Ain't nobody in charge today."**

**Simmons: "Actually private, he left me in charge while he's gone."**

**Grif: "You are such a kiss-ass."**

"I think I know a kissass sitting in this room." Yang commented.

"Excuse me?" Pyrrha said surprised.

"Uh, can I correct that to former kissass." Yang said.

"You're talking about me aren't you." Weiss said angrily.

"Your words."

"Crudely put but I was once a teachers pet." Weiss said.

"Used to be?" Blake said with a hint of a smile on her face.

Weiss huffed "just like you used to be in the White Fang."

"Oh Weiss just pulled out the big guns." Nora said like a wrestling commentator.

Jaune frantically hit play before his room got trashed.

**Simmons: "Also, he told me if I had any trouble from you I should... (clears throat) "Git in the Warthog, 'nd crush yer head like a tomato-can."**

**Grif: "That's the worst impression I've ever heard."**

**Simmons: "Okay rookie, what's your story?"**

**Donut: "Private Donut reporting for duty, sir. I'm ready to fight some aliens."**

"So in the show are they fighting aliens or in the world where this show is made?" Nora asked.

"Its. Not. From. Another. Universe." Weiss said angrily.

Ren ignored her. "Ruby said this game looked old, if they made contact with aliens I would assume they would have more advanced technology. It could be just a part of the show, or the game this show is being made in."

"Oh I didn't think of it that way" Ruby said surprised.

**Grif: "Couple things here, rookie. First off, private Donut? I think somebody needs a new nickname. Secondly, what's with the armor color?"**

**Donut: "This** _ **is**_ **the standard issue red."**

**Grif: "Yeah, I know. Listen. Only two kinds of people wear standard issue armor: officers and recruits. And since you're not threatening to gut me like a fish, you're probably not an officer."**

**Donut: "Well,** _ **he's**_ **wearing red armor..."**

**Simmons: "No, my armor is maroon. Your armor is red."**

**Donut: "Well how do** _ **I**_ **get a different color armor?"**

**Simmons: "I bet the blues don't have to put up with this kind of crap."**

**cut to Church, Tucker, and Caboose looking at a Sheila**

"Hmm, Sheila and Caboose" Ren muttered.

"What? How do you know." Nora asked.

Ren simply held up his notepad. "The intro."

**Caboose: "So I say to the guy, 'how're you gonna get the tank down to the planet?' And he goes, 'I'll just put it on the ship' and I go, 'if you've got a ship that can carry a tank,** _**why not just put guns on the ship and use it instead?'"** _

"Or both! Weiss can Atlas ships do that?" Ruby asked excited.

"Yes, Atlas ships can carry up to-"

"No one cares." Yang said.

"I care" Ruby said meekly.

**Tucker: "Hey kid."**

**Caboose: "Yeah?"**

**Tucker: "You're ruining the moment. Shut up."**

**Caboose: "Oh. Okay. You got it man!"**

**Church: "You know what? I could blow up the whole God damn world with this thing."**

"I bet you could!" Ruby said practically drooling. "That tank looks amazing! Looks like a scorpion, four treads? Navigation over rough terrain would be child's play, that barrel? Could easily fire a shot up to a mile wow!" Ruby said quickly sketching the tank in her notebook.

**Back to the red base**

**Simmons: "Okay, Private Donut, here's the deal."**

**Grif: "I just refuse to call him Private Donut!"**

Ruby started chuckling. "Private Donut."

Yang started chuckling next to her too.

"I kind of like the name." Jaune commented.

**Simmons: "We've got a very important mission for you. You think you can handle it?"**

**Donut: "Absolutely!"**

**Simmons: "We need you to go to the store, and get two quarts of Elbow Grease."**

**Grif: "Yeah and um, pick up some Headlight Fluid for the Puma too."**

Ruby groaned while Yang burst out laughing.

"What?" Jaune asked.

"Yang asked me to get Headlight fluid for her bike once too." Ruby huffed out.

"And?"

Yang started laughing even more. Ruby through a pillow at her. "Ok shut up! I was thirteen! I didn't know what headlight fluid was."

"What is it?" Jaune asked wondering.

"It doesn't exist." Blake explained.

"Oh, that's mean Yang. What happened Ruby?" Jaune asked.

"I was in the store for like two hours! And when I asked the guy at the register he LAUGHED at me!" Ruby huffed.

"And I got it all on video!" Yang said laughing. "They sent me the security footage."

"Ohh let me see!" Nora shouted.

"Yang you told me you deleted it!"

"And you told me you didn't scare away my first boyfriend!"

"It was dad!"

"You helped!"

Jaune hit play before yet another argument started.

**Donut: "The what?"**

**Simmons: "He means the Warthog."**

**Grif: "You do know where the store is, right rookie?"**

**Donut: "What? Yeah, yeah, of course I do. Sure, no problem."**

**Simmons: "Well, get going then."**

**Donut starts running across the base**

**Grif: "Other way."**

**Donut turns around and goes the other way**

**Donut: "I knew that. Just, got turned around, that's all."**

**Grif and Simmons watch Donut running off in to the Gulch**

**Simmons: "How long do you think until he figures out there's no store?"**

**Grif: "I say, at least a week."**

"See Ruby? I'm not that mean." Yang said.

Ruby just huffed and munched on a cookie.

**cut to Donut running through the Gulch, stops and turns to talk to himself**

**Donut: "Elbow Grease, how stupid do they think I am? Once I get back to base with that Headlight Fluid, I'm gonna talk to the Sargeant."**

**Back to the blue base**

**Tucker: "You know what? Forget what I said before. We can definitely pick up chicks in this thing. Probably two or three chicks a piece."**

"As if women are that easy." Pyrrha said crossing her arms.

"Well they could pick up Ruby." Yang said laughing.

"Why are you talking? You're pretty eas-uh- uh- nevermind." Ruby said turning away.

"No no no, Ruby finish that thought. I dare you. Please, I Implore you. Don't stop on my account." Yang said, her eyes flashing Red.

"No, I uh. I think I'm good. Hit play please." Ruby said shaking.

**Church: "Oh man, listen to you. What're you gonna do with two chicks?"**

**Tucker: "Church, women are like Voltron. The more you can hook up, the better it gets."**

"Voltron?" Ruby asked.

"Another reference from the other universe." Ren said writing it down.

Weiss huffed angrily.

**Back to Grif and Simmons at the red base**

**Simmons: "You think that we were too mean to the kid?"**

"Yes" Ruby said.

"No" Yang said at the exact same time.

**Grif: "Nah, he'll just wander around on the cliffs for a few hours. What's the worst that could happen?"**

**Donut is approaching the blue base**

**Donut: "Finally, there it is. OH SWEET, THEY SELL TANKS"**

**The scene cut to black**

Jaune laughed lightly. "Ok next episode?" Jaune asked. Everyone nodded.

* * *

**Edit: I'm listening to the Halo 3 soundtrack while I edit this to take out the Jaune's POV parts and put in the transcripts and it is amazing.**


	4. S1E4 Head Noob in Charge

**Author's Note:**

**Ok so quick announcement, uh I got a lot more views and support than I thought I would so thanks really I'm just amazed. My last fanfiction was awful and I got maybe 1000 views over two months. On this one though...I got over 1000 in one night so WOW. I'm definitely gonna keep this going thanks for the support guys.**

**Edit: I will try to keep all my original authors notes, if I change anything I will make an edit like this. (I sound like a redditor ugh)**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls.**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 4- Head Noob in Charge**

"I am hitting play" Jaune growled, frustrated.

"Well if you were hitting play then it would be playing." Ruby said equally frustrated.

"Wow what do you know? A show shown to us by _hackers_ isn't working." Weiss said sarcastically.

"Weiss when someone asks for your opinion, we will let you know, because right now? It's about as useful as a paper mache Grimm shelter." Yang gritted out through her teeth.

For the past ten minutes they have been trying to get the show to play but all that comes up is an annoying error message.

"I wonder how useful Paper Mache armor would be?" Ruby said mostly to herself.

"Yang, check the cables see if we knocked one out?" Jaune ordered.

"Who made you the boss of me?" She asked.

"Apparently Hackers did when they chose my scroll." Jaune said hitting play for the hundredth time.

Yang sighed and went over to the Tv to check the cables. She looked around for a second before a loud groan escaped her mouth.

"Nora?" Yang asked looking over to the guilty orange haired maniac, who was currently stuffing her face with Ren's pancakes.

"Mfpm?"

"Why is there syrup all over the cables?"

...

...

"I dunno."

"Nora, we've been here for about 30 minutes, watching the show the entire time. How did you manage to fling syrup behind the tv from your chair?"

...

"Without us noticing." Yang added angrily.

"Uhhhhhh"

"That's a little impressive." Pyrrha said looking from Nora's seat to the tv.

Ren sighed and went to grab his "Nora Rag" that he used to clean up Nora's routine messes.

"Nora, You can keep your pancakes...but I'm taking your syrup privileges away." Ren said as he started to clean the cables.

Nora put up a fuss but eventually the bottle was wrestled away.

After an annoying process of cleaning all the cables and replugging them in Jaune finally got the episode to play.

" **Head noob in charge" appeared on the screen accompanied by the usual acoustic guitar intro.**

"Whats a noob?" Pyrrha asked.

"Ruby." Yang said laughing.

"Shut up! I'm not a noob...anymore." Ruby said embarrassed.

"Pyrrha, a noob is someone whose new at a video game, and most of the time they're called an idiot and don't know how to play." Jaune explained before Ruby and Yang could argue.

"Like rookies." Ren mumbled.

"Ren why are you taking so many notes anyway? At first I thought it would be smart but so far the show is immature and pointless." Weiss asked.

"Its kinda funny." Ruby mumbled.

"Because if what the message said is true its from ano-" Ren started to say.

"It's not." Weiss interrupted.

"Well, it's still interesting. Even if it is just hackers it might be important." Ren explained.

"So far _all_ that your notes consist of, is random junk that we don't understand." Weiss pointed out.

"Because its from another universe." Ruby added.

"No, its not." Weiss said angrily. "Fine, keep taking notes. It'll prove its not from another universe. You find references we don't understand and I'll do some research to find it. Let me see what you have so far." Weiss said holding her hand out.

Jaune hit play as Weiss started pouring over Ren's notes.

**Church, Tucker, and Caboose are standing next to the tank, outside the base**

**Church: "Yeah I'll let you in on a little secret, I've uh... I've actually got a girl back home."**

"Does that mean we might finally see a female character?" Pyrrha asked.

"Hopefully, so far its only immature men." Weiss commented.

"Well, it looks like its supposed to be a comedy." Jaune explained.

"Are you saying that women aren't funny?" Blake asked raising an eyebrow.

"He's saying men aren't Punny." Yang said trying to not laugh.

Ruby groaned and put her head in her hands.

"Yang that wasn't even a good pun." Weiss scolded. "Can that even be considered a pun? It made absolutely no sense..at all."

"Hey I've been really stressed lately!" Yang defended.

"Stressed? With what?" Weiss asked. "Copying my homework in the night?"

"I- what- ha ha nooo Weiss I would never." Yang chuckled nervously. Weiss glared at Yang as Ruby slowly looked away to hide her guilty face.

"Just hit play." Yang sighed, "Besides I don't need to copy your work my work is good enough on it's own. I was just checking my answers, look at it as a compliment."

**Tucker: "Oh yeah? Girlfriend or wife?"**

**Church: "No, man, she's just my girlfriend, ya know? We were gonna get married, but I got shipped out, and... ah, you know how it works."**

**Tucker: "Oh, well, you gonna marry her when you get back?"**

**Caboose: "I'm not gonna get married. My dad always said 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?'"**

"With that way of thinking he definitely won't get married." Weiss commented disgusted.

" **Hey, rookie! Did you just call my girlfriend a cow?" Church asked.**

"He didn't call her anything?" Ruby said confused.

"Ruby...nevermind." Yang said.

**Church: "Hey rookie... did you just call my girlfriend a cow?"**

**Tucker: "No, I think he called her a slut!"**

**Church: "I'll tell you what noob, I could sit out here and listen to you insult my girlfriend all day long, but as it turns out, I got a lot more important job for you to do."**

**Caboose: "Great."**

"It's still so weird hearing dad's voice." Ruby commented.

"Speaking of that." Pyrrha said. "Has anyone else noticed how Caboose sounds familiar?"

"No, not really?" Blake said.

"Listen closely when he talks I feel like I'm going crazy I recognize his voice." Pyrrha said suddenly self conscious. "Sorry."

**Church: "See, we've got this General."**

**Tucker: "Right, the General guy."**

**Church: "...who likes to come by and make random inspections of bases. So what I'm gonna have you do, is I'm gonna have you go in the base, and stand right next to the flag at attention, just in case he decides to come by."**

"Flag? I didn't see a flag, Ren! Did you see a flag?" Nora said moving her face close to Ren's accusingly.

"No" Ren replied calmly.

**Caboose: "When is he coming by?"**

"I don't here anything familiar?" Ruby commented.

"Blake? Aren't you good with voices?" Pyrrha asked.

"Yeah, I'm listening I'll let you know if I hear anything." Blake promised.

**Tucker: "We never know. Could be today, could be a week from now."**

**Caboose: "You want me to stand at attention for a week?"**

**Church: "You know, you don't sound very grateful. This is the most important job at the whole base. You're gonna be right there with the flag."**

**Caboose: "What's so important about the flag?"**

**Church: "Oh, come on, don't they teach you guys** _ **anything**_ **in training?"**

**Caboose: "They didn't tell us anything about a flag. Why is it so important?"**

**Church: "Because it's the flag, man, you know, it's the f... it's the flag, it's... Tucker, you tell him why the flag is so important."**

**Tucker: "Well, it's... it's complicated. Wuh... It's blue, we're blue"**

"Are flags important in the atlas military?" Pyrrha asked.

"Well, yeah kind of. Flags have sigils and most of the time they're for patriotic purposes, it's kind of important to not shame the flag or let an enemy mess with it. That goes for all kingdoms except I guess Vacuo, they aren't very formal." Weiss explained.

"They are patriotic though." Blake added.

**Church: "It's just important, okay? Trust us. So when the general comes by, the first thing he's gonna want to do is inspect the flag."**

"Hmm, maybe this Tex is the general." Ren wondered aloud.

"Who?" Jaune asked.

"A character shown in the intro." Ren explained.

**Tucker: "Right."**

**Church: "So just go in there, you know, far away from us, and wait for him."**

"Wow he's being really obvious." Yang commented.

"Why are they so mean to rookies" Ruby complained. "People used to be mean to me for being new here and so young."

"I'm sorry Ruby, I still feel re-"

"Not just you Weiss, a bunch of the older students." Ruby said sadly.

"What? Why didn't you tell me about it?" Yang asked angrily.

"Or me? We're your team we-" Blake started.

"Well it wasn't that big of a deal, and- nevermind they stopped and its not a problem anymore, I was shy and bumped into them. Can we just keep watching?" Ruby asked.

Jaune nodded and hit play.

**Caboose turns and heads for the base, stops half way and turns around**

**Caboose: "Uh how will I know when I see him?"**

**Tucker: "There's only three of us out here, rookie. He's gonna be the guy that doesn't look like one of** _**us** _ **."**

**Church: "Now get in there, and** _ **don't come out!**_ **(turns to Tucker) Man, that guy is dumber than you are."**

 **Tucker: "You mean he's dumber than** _ **you**_ **are."**

**Church: "Wow, Tucker, that was a great come-back."**

**Caboose emerges from the base, with Church and Tucker in the distance**

**Caboose: "Uh, mister Church? Sir?"**

**Church: "Oh my God, WHAT!? Tucker, I swear, I'm gonna kill him!"**

**Caboose: "Sorry about calling your girl a slut..."**

**Church: "ROOKIE! SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP, YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY, GET IN THERE!"**

**Tucker: "(turns around) Uh-huh huh huh huh"**

**Church: "(turns around to face Tucker's back) Tucker, are you laughing at me?"**

"He's really not as threatening as he thinks." Yang said.

**Donut steps up behind Church**

**Donut: "Excuse me, sir, can I ask you a question?"**

"Ohhh! Finally I've been waiting for some action." Yang said happily.

"So far they've just been standing around talking." Weiss commented.

**Church: "Dear God in Heaven, rookie, if I turn around, and you are not inside, I... I can't be held responsible for what I'm gonna do to you!"**

"Wait? Wouldn't Tucker be able to see him?" Nora asked Ren.

"I think Tucker is looking at the Tank." Ren answered. Nora smiled at his answer and sat back down.

**Donut: "What did I do?"**

**Church: "One..."**

**Donut: "Aw, gimme a break."**

**Church: "TWO!"**

**Donut: "Fine."**

**Donut runs in the base with Caboose**

**Caboose: "Wow... you got here fast."**

"Doesn't he know they're fighting the reds?" Ruby asked.

"I think he's just stupid, or being a rookie" Yang answered.

**Donut: "Why is everyone so freakin' rude in this canyon."**

**Caboose: "I'm not sir, what can I do for you?"**

**Donut: "Finally, someone with a little respect around here."**

**Caboose: "Yes Sir! I assume you're here because of this... (turns toward the flag)"**

"So? Caboose thinks Donut is the general? And Donut thinks Caboose is the store clerk?" Nora asked confused.

"Yes Nora" Ren replied.

"Yay! Got it right!"

**Donut: "Wait, is this all you have?"**

**Caboose: "Uh, yes sir, that's it!"**

**Donut: "Aw man, this figures. Shit. What about Elbow Grease?"**

**Caboose: "Uhhmmmm..."**

**Donut: "Headlight Fluid?"**

**Caboose: "No, all we have is this flag."**

**Donut: "Well, I can't go back empty handed... I guess I'll take that."**

Yang chuckled.

"What?" Weiss asked. "It's not funny."

"Why are you so against this show?" Ruby asked.

"It's looks terrible, it's poorly voice acted, and so far there's no point to it at all." Weiss said. "Not to mention hackers showed it to us."

"I kind of have to agree with Weiss." Blake said. "But I think the dialogue is really well written. Its funny and sounds like real people talking instead of just plot convenience."

"It's so cool! They're making a show in a video game! I wonder if we can do that! We can even do something like this in another game but better!" Ruby said happily.

"Isn't that plagiarism?" I asked.

"Well, yeaaah but... it's from another universe so it doesn-" Ruby said.

"It's not from another universe so yes it is plagiarism" Weiss said.

"Defending the Hackers huh?" Yang teased.

Weiss huffed and ignored her.

**Caboose: "Sure... that makes sense. I guess."**

**Donut: "(leaving with the flag) Man, they're gonna give me so much shit for coming back with just this stupid flag."**

**Cut to Church and Tucker out by the tank**

**Church: "Well, enough gabbing out of us, let's take this bad boy out for a spin. Go ahead and hop in, Tucker."**

"Ohhhooo." Ruby mumbled leaning forward in excitement.

**Tucker: "Me? I can't drive that thing."**

**Church: "You're telling me you're not Armor Certified?"**

**Tucker: "I ca- I don't even know how to use the fucking sniper rifle. Don't** _ **you**_ **know how to drive that?"**

"So church isn't armor certified either" Weiss commented.

**Church: "No! Holy Crap! WHO IS RUNNING THIS ARMY!?"**

**Caboose: "(emerging from the base) Hey! Just wanted to let you know, the General stopped by, and picked up the flag!"**

**Church: "Yeah. Okay. Whatever moron! Why would they give us a tank, if nobody here knows how to drive the damn thing? ...wait a second... what did he just say"**

**The screen turned black.**

"So that's the end of the it, next one? When do you guys wanna stop?" Jaune asked.

"It is kind of late, but we don't have any classes tomorrow." Yang said. "We could stay in here?"

"Yeah! Sleepover in JNPR's room!" Ruby yelled.

"What? There's barely any room?" Weiss yelled.

"I don't mind sharing a bed." Yang said wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

"No." Weiss said bluntly. Blake shook her head in agreement.

Yang nodded, "Yeah I don't want to either." Yang laughed.

"Well, I'm willing to stay up and watch the show if you all are." Pyrrha said.

"You like the show that much?" Jaune asked.

"No, I like the company and this is the least crazy thing we have done in...ever." Pyrrha said shrugging.

"That makes sense. So wanna stay here?" Jaune asked team RWBY. They looked at each other and had a silent conversation before agreeing.

"Ok next episode here we go."


	5. S1E5 The Package is in the Open

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

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**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

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**Chapter 5- The package is in the Open**

" **The Package is in the Open" appeared on the screen with the theme song.**

**The scene opened up to show Church Caboose and Tucker on top of their base.**

**Church, Tucker, and the Caboose are standing on the blue base**

**Church: "Let me get this straight... you gave this guy** _**our flag** _ **."**

"Yeah but they told him a general was stopping by." Ruby said indignantly.

"Yeah, both teams hazed their rookies." Yang said.

"hazing wasn't even this bad in the White Fang." Blake commented.

"Really? I would think the White Fang hazing would be cruel" Weiss said surprised.

"I meant back under the old leadership, when we were peaceful." Blake said looking off smiling. Remembering good times before a frown appeared on her face. Ruby calmly put a hand on her shoulder.

**Caboose: "Is that bad?"**

**Church: "Bad? Oh no, that's not** _**bad** _ **. Next time he comes over, why don't you just help him blow up the whole God damn base?"**

**Tucker: "There, there he is."**

**Church raises the sniper rifle and looks at Donut with the flag**

**Church: "Where... oh, yeah, oh, I got him. He's sneaking around back behind the cliffs."**

"Wow! Look it goes from 2x zoom to 8x zoom. I really need to upgrade my sniper." Ruby said pulling out her scythe.

"Not now, we won't be able to hear the show over your tinkering." Blake explained.

**Tucker: "He must be one smart son of a bitch."**

**Scene cut to Donut with the flag, in the Gulch**

**Donut: "Oh, man, I am so freakin' lost. Where the hell is the base?"**

**Back to the blue base**

**Church: "Oh, shit... Hey Tucker, look at his armor. It's Red."**

**Tucker: "Oh man, that means it's their Sargeant."**

**Church: "Well, that makes sense. At least now we know how he got by our defences."**

"What defenses?" Weiss asked. "Their bases look so useless."

"It's from a game..." Ruby mumbled.

**Caboose: "Uh you know, he came in the back door where you guys were standing."**

"Doctor Oobleck!" Blake suddenly shouted before blushing.

"What where?" Ruby said looking around.

"Wait, I hear it!" Pyrrha said loudly.

"What?" Weiss asked.

"Caboose kind of sounds like Doctor Oobleck, its really really faint but listen." Pyrrha explained.

**Tucker: "Yeah, okay, well let's take him out then."**

**Church: "Roger that. Okay, say goodnight Sarge."**

**Church takes four shots, all of which miss to the left**

"How did he miss? Those shots should have been easy." Ruby complained.

**Cut to Donut as he ducks down**

**Donut: "Son of a bitch!"**

**Back to the blue base**

**Church: "Aw crap."**

**Tucker: "..."**

**Church: "...what?"**

**Tucker: "You're really not very good with that thing, are you."**

**Back to Donut**

**Donut: "Hey! It's me! Don't shoot! I'm the guy that bought the flag, remember!?"**

**Back to the blue base**

**Tucker: "Oh great, now he's taunting us. That's just embarassing."**

**Church: "Alright, that's it, I've had it. Rookie, you stay here. Me and Tucker, we'll head through the teleporter, we'll cut him off at the pass."**

"Teleporter? What? Thats cool!" Ruby said grabbing her sketchbook before she became dejected. "Weiss? Atlas is all techy and stuff right? Whats the chance of a teleporter being invented in the next twenty years?"

Weiss shrugged, "No idea."

**Caboose: "Right!"**

**Church: "Tucker, you ready? Let's go."**

**Tucker: "There is** _ **no way**_ **I'm going through that thing."**

**Church: "Tucker, we don't have time for this. Why would they give us a teleporter if it doesn't work?"**

"Why would they give them a tank no one could drive?" Weiss asked.

**Tucker: "I don't know! Why would they give us a tank that no one can drive?"**

Weiss just sighed as Yang and Ruby laughed.

**Church: "We already tested the teleporter, remember?"**

**Tucker: "We threw** _ **rocks**_ **through it!"**

**Church: "Yeah, and, so what? The rocks came out the other side, didn't they?"**

**Tucker: "Yeah, but they were all hot, and covered with black stuff."**

**Church: "Oh, so I guess that's what this is all about then, you're afraid of a little black stuff."**

**Tucker: "Yes. I am. I am afraid of black stuff."**

**Church: "Tucker, I almost hate to do this to you. (raising his gun to Tucker)"**

**Tucker: "You wouldn't..."**

**Church: "You know, I look at it this way: either A, we go through there, and get the flag back, or B, we stay here, and I get to kill you. Either way, I win."**

"How does he win either way? If he kills Tucker then he will have lost their flag AND his teammate." Pyrrha said.

"They're dysfunctional, like the Red team." Weiss explained.

**Tucker: "For the record, I want you to know, rocks aren't people."**

**Church: "Duly noted. Now get in there."**

**Tucker: "Crap... Alright. One, two..."**

**Tucker runs in to the teleporter, camera races across to the Receiver Node. then cut back to Church and Caboose at the base for a couple seconds, back to the Node for a couple seconds, back to the base for a couple seconds, back to the Node for a couple seconds and back to the base.**

"Oh..." Pyrrha muttered while Yang was laughing along with Jaune.

"I'm starting to really like this show! It has a great sense of humor." Jaune said.

"Not really." Weiss said.

Yang frowned "Ok grouchy, well while me and Jaune enjoy the show, you can sit there...with a thumb up your-"

"Ahh! Hit play Jaune!" Ruby screamed.

**Caboose: "... Huh, he didn't come out the other side..."**

"I kind of hear it." Ruby said.

"Yeah, sounds like a younger and dumber Doctor Oobleck." Nora said excitedly.

"So dad and professor Oobleck, cool." Yang said.

"I barely hear it but yeah, sometimes when he talks you kind of hear it, like if Doctor Oobleck talked slower." Blake said.

**Church: "Yeeeeah, I've uh... I've decided I'm not going to use the teleporter. Ok rookie! You stay here. I'll be back with the flag!"**

**The scene changed to show Simmons and Grif on top of their base.**

**Simmons: " I still have no idea what you're talking about. I didn't hear any shots."**

**Grif: "I'm telling you, it was four shots. Like bam! bam! bam!"**

"That was three bams?" Nora said looking around to see if anyone else noticed.

**Simmons: "Wait a second, that's only three bams."**

**Grif: "Bam. (sees Donut with the flag) Wait a second, we've got a blue guy on the move out there."**

**Simmons: "Where's he headed?"**

**Grif: "Oh crap... It... it's Donut. And he's got something... (zooms in, sees it's the flag) It looks like... Simmons, get the Warthog."**

**Simmons: "Heh, you mean the Puma?"**

**Grif: "Yeah, keep making jokes. That'll win the war"**

**the scene cut to black.**

"Ok, next one?" Jaune asked.


	6. S1E6 1.21 Giga-Whats?

**Author's Note:**

**No dots(...)can be put in the Chapter title so it says 121 Giga-Whats? instead of 1.21 Giga-Whats?**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

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**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

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**Chapter 6- 1.21 Giga-Whats?**

" **1.21 Giga-Whats?" Appeared on the screen with the theme.**

"1.21 giga whats? Is that a reference or something." Ruby asked.

"Yeah, Giga watts, its a measure of uh... uh, electricity!" Jaune said after some thought.

Ren started jotting something down.

**Cut to Church running up to Donut, weapon drawn**

**Church: "Freeze!"**

**Donut: "Hey, why the hell are you shooting at me? You coulda hit me, dick!"**

**Church: "Can it. Don't try to play stupid with me, Sarge I know who ya are We've been spying on you for three weeks now."**

**Donut: "I just got here two hours ago. And I'm not a Sargeant, I'm a Private."**

**Church: "Wait a minute you're not the Sergeant!"**

"Duh" Yang commented

**Donut: "Yeah, that's what I just said."**

**Church: "Well then how the hell did you manage to steal our flag?"**

"Idiocy." Blake commented

**Donut: "Steal? I have no idea what the hell you're talking about!"**

**Tucker emerges between them, through the transporter, his armor covered in black stuff**

**Tucker: "THREE!"**

Ruby jumped from shock next to Yang who burst out laughing.

"I was surprised not scared!" She yelled.

Yang couldn't stop laughing and Ruby's attempts to hit her with a pillow did nothing to stop her.

**Church: "JESUS!"**

"Ugh, Yang? Is that another curse word?" Ruby asked. It took a second for Yang to calm down but eventually she did, she shook her head.

"Nope." Yang said as Ren jotted it down.

**Donut: "HOLY SHIT! Who is this guy?"**

**Church: "What in the hell!? Tucker? Is that you?"**

"Huh he's covered in soot." Ren noted.

"I'm assuming the teleporters aren't that reliable." Pyrrha said.

**Tucker: "How did you get up here ahead of me?"**

**Donut: "And what's with that black shit on your armor?"**

**Tucker: "Hey. Freeze Sarge!"**

**Donut: "Would you stop calling me a Sargeant, I'm still just a Private."**

**Tucker: "The Sarge is still a Private? Oh. My. God. The teleporter sent me back in time."**

"What?"

"Idiot"

"This show is ridiculous."

"Why?"

"Everybody shut up" Yang ordered. "Hit play I wanna see where this goes."

**Cut to Grif and Simmons getting in the jeep, with upbeat polka-ish music playing**

**Grif: "Sorry Lopez, we need the jeep."**

"What is that music?" Weiss asked. "It's annoying."

"It sounds really...festive" Pyrrha said.

**Simmons: "I'll take gunner... (takes gunner) ...let's roll. (they drive off) Don't worry Lopez, I'll bring her back in one piece."**

"Ohhhhh! I'm finally gonna get to see this thing being used." Ruby said excitedly. "I already texted Coco about her mini gun."

**Grif: "How do you turn off the fucking radio in this car?"**

**Back to Tucker, Church, and Donut**

**Tucker: "Look, I know you don't know me, but you have to believe what I'm about to tell you. Some time in** _ **your future**_ **I get stationed here in Blood Gulch, and we meet. And this guy here, he gets promoted to Sargeant of the Red Army, and we spy on them. And they get this new jeep, and I'm like "There is** _ **no way**_ **you can pick up chicks in a tank!"**

**Church: "Tucker? What the fuck are you babbling about?"**

**Tucker: "I know all this sounds crazy, but he eventually becomes a Sargeant, and then one day we get a tank, and he comes and steals a flag while we're distracted."**

**Donut: "Is this guy a retard?"**

"Woah!" Weiss says offended.

"Yeah not ok." Blake agrees.

"That was a little offensive." Pyrrha says agreeing.

"So what?" Yang asks.

"What? Its offensive! You can't say stuff like that." Weiss says gesturing to the screen.

"Whats wrong with an offensive joke?" Yang asks.

"Because its just wrong, and someone can get offended." Blake explained. "What about Faunus jokes?"

"Oh..well I don't know, if the jokes are meant to show the stupidity of racism or making light of an issue then its fine." Yang explained.

"Like what?" Blake asked accusingly.

"Uhh...you want me to tell one?" Yang asked.

"Go ahead Yang, please." Blake said.

"I can't think of one right now, seriously." Yang said nervously.

"Uh, I know one." Jaune said raising a hand.

"Jaune!" Pyrrha scolded.

"Go ahead Jaune." Blake said staring straight at Jaune menacingly.

"Um, why was the Faunus thrown out of the restaurant." Jaune said slowly.

"Why?" Blake said angrily.

"Cannibalism"

All was silent until a snort rang out from Yang.

Yang was desperately trying to hold in her laughter, Ruby couldn't decide if she wanted to be offended or wanted to laugh along with Yang. Ren was silent but had a smile on his face, Weiss was angry, Blake was staring at Jaune confused. Nora however was jumping with excitement.

"Wow! I never thought of that!, is Velvet allowed to eat rabbits? Is that cannibalism or like half cannibalism?" Nora asked looking around.

"Nora!" Ren whisper yelled.

Yang couldn't hold it anymore and started laughing.

"I'm very dissa-" Pyrrha tried to say before she started giggling. Then she got mad at herself for laughing.

"Where did you hear that Jaune?" Blake asked angrily.

"Uhh nowhere."

"So you made it up yourself." Blake said getting angrier, she raised an eyebrow not believing that Jaune thought of it.

"Would you believe me if a Faunus told me it?" Jaune asked.

"No."

"It was Sun"

"Ugh yes."

Blake was silent for a moment.

"Just hit play." She said with a sigh. "It is kind of funny, but a common misconception that needs to go away."

 **Church: "(jeep's music gets progressively louder during this speech) Red? Shut up. Tucker? Listen to me. Ya haven't gone back in time, okay? This** _ **is**_ **the guy who stole the flag, he's just not the Sargeant. Turns out, he's just some dumb rookie, who happens to have the same color armor as him. He got in somehow, just g... for God's sakes, WHAT IS THAT MUSIC!?"**

**Warthog jumps over the hill barely missing Church**

"Woah!" Yang and Ruby yelled.

**Grif: "Woohoo!"**

**Tucker: "Holy shit!"**

**Church: "Son of a bitch! Run! Jesus! Run!"**

**Tucker: "The jeep followed me back in time!"**

"Idiot" Weiss commented.

**Grif hops out of the Warthog and starts firing at Church and Tucker as they run away. Simmons is yelling and firing at them. What he yells throughout Grif's and Donut's conversation is underneath it**

**Church: "Ow! Jes-! Ow! Jesus! Ow, ow!"**

**Grif: "What the hell is going on here?"**

**Donut: "You know what, I honestly have no idea what's going on. I think everyone in this canyon is absolutely insane."**

"Agreed." Weiss and Pyrrha said.

**Grif: "How did you get their flag?"**

**Donut: "I don't know, I just asked for it."**

**Grif: "Wait, that worked?"**

**Donut: "I guess. Is it not supposed to?"**

**Grif: "I don't know, we, we never even thought to** _ **try**_ **that. Just take the flag to the base, I'll explain there."**

**Donut: "Not until someone tells me what the fuck is goi-"**

**Grif: "There's no time to explain, rookie! Just take the flag, and go to base! I'll explain everything there."**

**Donut: "Fine...!"**

**Donut starts running through the Gulch**

**Grif: "Hungh, back to** _ **our**_ **base, dumbass!"**

**Donut: "Uh, I know, I just got turned around, that's all."**

**The entire time Donut and Grif were talking, Simmons was yelling this.**

**Simmons: "That's right! That's right, I got your ass! Get off your ass and run, you cock bites! Right now! Yeah, not so pretty when you gotta run are you! Yeah, that's right. Stay there. You know where you flag is? We're gonna get you! Come on! Don't be a wimp! Come on, blue! Come on, get out there! I've got a whole barrel of love to shoot you with! Come on! Get out now! Yeah, come on out! I know you like this! Come out where I can get you! Come on! Don't be a wimp! Come on, blue! Be tough, get out there!"**

**Cut to Caboose looking at Church and Tucker through the sniper rifle**

**Caboose: "Oh man, that's not good. (pans the rifle to the jeep) Oh my God that jeep has a really big gun."**

**Caboose puts down the sniper rifle**

"Yeah it does." Ruby said drooling.

**Caboose: "Stay here... Tank... Stay here... Tank... Ah, screw it. (runs off to the tank)"**

**Cut to Church and Tucker behind the rock. Simmons is still firing and yelling at them. What he says is below Church's line .**

**Church: "Well, we'll just wait here. That thing's gotta run outta bullets some time..."**

**Simmons: "Yeah, get going, take that! I know you like that there, come out! Come here! Poke your head up! Come on blue! Get your head out there"**

**The scene faded to black.**

"Ohh I wonder what the ammo capacity is on that thing, that would be a great weapon against Grimm! Fast and easy to drive. Wow." Ruby listed off giddily.

"Uh next episode?" Jaune asked.

"No, first bathroom break." Weiss said getting up.


	7. S1E7 Check out the treads on that Tank

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

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**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

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**Chapter 7- Check out the treads on that Tank**

"Weiss hurry up!" Yang yelled angrily from outside the bathroom.

"If we are going to stay the night in their room and binge watch a show, I need to take off MY makeup." Weiss shouted back.

"What? That's whats taking so long? If you're just taking off makeup then just share the bathroom!" Yang shouted while trying to open the door.

"No! Never again! Not after the Shower Incident!" Weiss yelled.

"Shower incident?" Jaune asked looking towards Yang.

"It wasn't even a big deal!" Yang yelled blushing.

After a few more minutes the door popped open and Weiss walked out, Yang sighed and rushed in.

"Weiss what happened with the shower?" Jaune asked.

"She has no concept of privacy!" Weiss said.

"Try being her sister for a day." Ruby muttered.

"I was showering as I do everyday, and before I continue let me just say this is why I hate sharing a dorm room with Yang. So I'm showering and I hear the door open because I had forgotten to lock the door, all of the sudden Yang is in the bathroom with me." Weiss starts, completely dropping her usually preppy heiress vocabulary.

"So she comes in and goes oh! Sorry Weiss I just need to use the bathroom and she does which, understandable I guess, I take long showers." Weiss says blushing. "But, then I hear rubbing on the glass door-"

"That's not what happened!" Yang shouted as she walked out of the bathroom.

"Yes it is! You made a circle to peer into the shower!" Weiss shouted blushing even more.

"I was writing a message!" Yang shouted back.

Weiss groaned while pinching the bridge of her nose.

"This is why I'm happy all of my teams craziness is in Nora." Jaune said gesturing towards said girl. Nora looked up for a second but went back to annoying Ren, it was amazing the two weren't dating already.

"Is everyone ready to continue?" Pyrrha asked sitting down next to Jaune.

Everyone muttered agreements and Jaune hit play.

" **Check out the Treads on that Tank" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

Jaune heard humming to his left and saw that Nora was humming along to the little guitar theme. It was catchy.

**Church and Tucker behind a rock, bullets hitting the canyon wall behind them**

**Church: "My God, doesn't that thing ever run out of bullets?"**

"Sure hope not." Ruby commented.

**Tucker: "You know, in hindsight, we should have brought the tank."**

**Church: "Hey, Tucker, what good is a tank gonna do us if nobody here knows how to drive it?"**

**Tucker: "Yeah, I can see how hiding behind a rock is a much better strategy."**

**Church: "Well, yeah, but... oh man, I guess I gotta give that one to ya."**

**Cut to Caboose hopping in the tank.**

Ruby leaned forward in excitement.

**Tank canopy closes, tank turns on**

**Tank: "Hello, and thank you for activating the M808V Main Battle Tank. You may call me Sheila."**

"Hey isn't that the tutorial program voice?" Blake asked.

"Yeah, Filiss wasn't it?" Pyrrha said. "Wonder why it's name changed."

"Hmm." Ren hummed looking back in his notes. "Should I keep taking notes? Nothing important has happened, and we still know nothing of this other universe."

"Because, its not another universe." Weiss sighed out.

"Well have you been able to find anything?" Ruby asked.

Weiss sighed, "no, there's nothing on chupacabra, Mexican, Red vs blue, or anything else referenced. I did find that there is something called Machinima, which is creating a show in a video game but it's not very popular."

"That's good, maybe the show is just very obscure." Blake complimented.

Weiss nodded, "It is also called Render Vision but it's more commonly referred to as Machinima." She lectured.

**Caboose: "Hello. Sheila. Big tank lady."**

**Sheila: "Would you like me to run the tutorial program?"**

"Well its definitely the same person, or program or whatever." Jaune pointed out.

**Caboose: "Oh, that'd be very nice. Thank you."**

**Sheila: "Tutorial program activated. This program is intended to instruct non-certified personnel in the use of the Scorpion class tank. Let's begin with some driving."**

**Caboose: "Okay."**

**Cut to Simmons firing the jeep's gun, and Grif on the ground behind him**

**Grif: "Simmons. SIMMONS!"**

**Simmons stops firing, steps down**

**Grif: "Man, that thing is** _**loud** _ **."**

Ruby grinned, "I can just picture Coco with one of those."

**Simmons: "WHAT?"**

**Tank rolls by in the background**

**Grif: "Come on, let's sneak around the back of the rock and get 'em out."**

**Simmons: "OKAY."**

**Grif: "Keep it down! Jesus. Let's go, before they figure out what's going on."**

"Simmons would be an awful teammate to take on a stealth mission." Blake chuckled.

**Cut to the Rookie having Sheila stranded on a tall rock, turning, trying to get off of it**

**Sheila: "Now that you've mastered driving the M808V, let's move on to some of the safety features."**

"Her training program is awful." Weiss commented.

**Caboose: "No, no, wait, go back! (unstrands the tank) Why are there six pedals if there are only four directions?"**

Yang frowned, "That's weird, it would be cool to learn how to drive a tank."

**Cut to Church peeking out from the side of the rock, Tucker standing behind it**

**Church: "(whispering) Psst, hey, they stopped firing."**

**Tucker: "Why are you whispering?"**

**Church: "(whispering) Uhm... I don't know."**

"It's prudent to whisper, that way it's harder for others to hear. Especially when the others are an enemy team of soldiers trying to kill you." Blake chuckled.

**Cut to Simmons and Grif standing at the foot of a cliff**

**Grif: "Aw, crap, I don't think we're gonna be able to get around this way."**

**Simmons: "Tell me again, uh, why did we get out of the jeep?"**

**Tank rolls up right behind them**

**Grif: "Well, I guess it was this or sit there and watch you shoot rocks all day long."**

"Could have just driven it with them, or gotten an angle." Weiss mumbled.

**Tank's turret looks at Grif, then at Simmons**

**Simmons: "Well at least that was fun."**

"That reminds me, Ruby. What did Coco say about her turret?" Jaune asked.

"She said she wants to check it out." Ruby explained.

"Is she going to watch the show with us?" Jaune asked.

"Maybe, but she said they were really busy training so I don't know." Ruby shrugged.

**Grif and Simmons both turn at once to see the tank**

**Grif: "Hoolyy crap. What in God's name is** _ **that**_ **thing?"**

"It is a strange tank, the Atlas tanks are very different, more advanced too." Weiss commented.

**Cut to Church and Tucker, looking at the vacant jeep**

**Church: "Tucker, don't be stupid. They're just trying to draw us out."**

**Tucker: "No they're not, look: they left the jeep. They're gone."**

**Church: "Well, I don't know about this. It seems pretty fishy, but... alright screw it, let's go get it."**

**Cut to the view from inside the tank, turret slowly homing in on Grif's head**

**Grif: "Dude hold still. I don't think it sees us."**

**Tank gets tone on Grif's hea**

**The scene faded to black.**

"Well that's the end of the episode, with how short the episodes are, we can probably finish it by tonight depending on the amount of episodes." Blake said standing up and stretching.

"Ok sounds good." Jaune said.


	8. S1E8 Don't Ph34r the Reaper

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

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**Chapter 8- Don't Ph34r the Reaper**

" **Don't Ph34r the Reaper" appeared on the screen with the usual intro.**

"Don't P h 34 r the reaper?" Ruby said reading out the name.

"I think it means don't fear the reaper." Yang commented.

**Sheila's turret pointed at Grif, then it turns to face Simmons**

**Grif: "Why is it just** _**sitting there** _ **?"**

**Simmons: "Just trying to mess with our heads. Let's get back to the Warthog."**

"Why isn't it shooting?" Nora asked.

"Plot" Ren muttered.

"Huh?" Nora said to deaf ears as everyone else simply looked to the screen.

**Cut to the view from the tank**

**Sheila: "This tank is equipped with an auto-fire sequence, that can be activated by pressing the auto-fire button."**

**Caboose: "Auto-fire, auto-fire, here, here! No, wait... okay that's more a switch than a button..."**

"Not a very good tutorial program." Weiss commented.

"I agree." Ruby said. "You said that last episode."

"And I stand by it."

**Sheila: "(over top of Caboose's lines) This will end the tutorial, and should only be activated if proper safety procedures..."**

**Cut to Simmons and Grif**

**Simmons: "Okay, you ready? Let's do this on three. One..."**

**Grif: "Wait. On three? Or three and** _ **then**_ **go"**

"It's always on three." Nora said. "Ren!" Nora said looking to Ren angrily.

"Nora, it was three years ago. Are you ever going to let that go?" Ren asked calmly.

"How long have you known me?" Nora asked simply.

Ren sighed and Nora laughed happily and leaned into his shoulder.

**Simmons: "On three. It's always faster to go on three."**

"I don't see why they don't just start running now." Pyrrha commented.

"Maybe they are afraid of...never mind they should just run." Jaune started to say.

**Grif: "Okay, okay. On three."**

**Cut to the view from the tank**

**Caboose: Here!**

**Sheila: "Tutorial deactivated. Auto-fire sequence activated."**

**Cut to Simmons**

**Simmons: "Ready?"**

**Cut to the view from the tank**

**Sheila: "Acquiring target.."**

Everyone leaned forward a little bit.

**Cut to Church and Tucker**

**Church: "I'm going for the jeep. Cover me."**

**Cut to Simmons and Grif. Grif is backing away**

**Simmons: "One..."**

**Grif turns around and starts running away**

**Cut to view from the tank, tracking Grif**

**Sheila: "Target acquired."**

"That's what he gets for abandoning his teammate." Ruby said crossing her arms.

"You abandoned me!" Weiss yelled. "The day after we met."

"I said jump!" Ruby yelled back.

"Off a nevermore!?" Weiss yelled.

"We got launched into the emerald forest, whats so different about jumping off a nevermore?" Ruby asked.

"I- ugh fine lets just keep watching this ridiculous show." Weiss grumbled angrily because she lost the argument.

**Cut to Grif running**

**Grif: "Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit..."**

**Cut to Simmons**

**Simmons: "Two..."**

**Cut to view from the tank, locking on to Grif's back**

**Sheila: "Target locked."**

**Cut to Church running toward the Warthog, breathing like he's giving birth**

**Cut to Simmons**

**Simmons: "Three! (turns around, sees Grif running) Oh, you back-stabbing cock bite!"**

**Sheila: "Firing main cannon."**

**Tank fires, blows up the Warthog right in front of Grif**

Almost everyone gasped.

"Woah! That's awesome!" Yang shouted.

**Simmons: "(next to tank) Son of a bitch!"**

**Grif: "(next to jeep) SON OF A BITCH!**

**Church: "(near jeep) Son of a bitch!"**

Ruby, Nora, Yang, and Jaune were laughing while watching the panicked soldiers while Weiss, Pyrrha, Blake, and Ren. _Aka the "mature" people._ Just sat watching the show with mild interest.

**Sheila: "Firing main cannon. (fires)"**

**Simmons: "Shit!"**

**Sheila: "Firing main cannon. (fires)"**

**Simmons: "Dammit!"**

**Sheila: "Firing main cannon. (fires)"**

**Cut to Church running back up to meet Tucker**

**Tucker: "Hey dude, the jeep blew up."**

**Church: "No kidding. Thanks for the update,** _**Tucker** _ **."**

Yang started giggling and laughing out loud at that causing Jaune to pause the show.

"Sorry, sorry" she said in between breaths of laughter. "It's just that kind of sarcasm gets me!"

**Cut to Grif and Simmons hiding out behind a rock**

**Sheila: "Firing main cannon. (fires, hits the rock)"**

**Simmons: "Hey, I have a great idea. Let's get out of the jeep, and sneak around the back of the rock."**

**Sheila: "Firing main cannon. (fires, hits the rock)"**

**Simmons:** " _ **Great plan you idiot!"**_

Yang started laughing again.

**Cut to view from the tank, scanning the rock**

**Sheila: "All targets eliminated. Acquiring new target."**

**Turret starts panning up and to the left**

**Cut to Church and Tucker, Church standing in the open looking down at the tank**

**Church: "Hey Tucker, look at this, man: it's the rookie! And he brought tank out to scare off the reds."**

**Tucker: "What? No way!"**

**Church: "Hey rookie, good job man! Why didn't you tell us you knew how to drive the tank?"**

**Sheila: "New target acquired. (spinning turret around at Church)"**

"Oh, I see where this is going." Weiss said face palming but with a smile on her face.

**Caboose: "that's not a target. That's Church!"**

"Uh oh" Yang said in anticipation.

**Church: "Yeah, that's right, it's me, Church! What's going on, man!"**

**Sheila: "(locking on to Church) Target locked."**

"He's going to be maaad." Ruby said jumping in her seat.

**Cut to the Rookie in the driver's seat of the tank**

**Caboose: "What? No. Target unlock. Unlock! Please help me nice lady."**

**Sheila: "Firing main cannon."**

**Caboose: "Uh oh..."**

**Tucker: "Uh oh..."**

**Church: "What? Oh, son of a bi-"**

**Tank fires, hits Church, throws him sprawling, high up in the air. Church lands back on the ledge again**

"Woah! No way he's surviving that!" Yang said.

"Aw I liked him, he sounded like dad." Ruby said smiling.

"What? No way they would kill off a main character this soon." Weiss said.

"I agree, it would be poor writing." Blake added.

**Tucker: "Holy fuck! Church, are you okay? Talk to me, Church! You shot Church, you team-killing fucktard!"**

Yang, Jaune, and Ruby burst out laughing.

"What?" Weiss said confused.

"It's referencing team killing in games, ugh I hate that!" Jaune said between laughs.

"Ugh" Yang sighed leaning back. "Uncle Qrow would team kill us allll the time."

"I know! He always said he was just helping us get better." Ruby said in a mocking voice.

"It was always on that map uhh spire Right? We would be on top of the tower aiming down at the other team and he would walk behind us with his character and push us off." Yang reminisced.

"Yeah, he was so innovative with his team killing. It never counted as a betrayal because he didn't melee us off." Ruby said annoyed.

"He was so mad but so proud when we were finally able to team kill him back." Yang said smiling.

"Yeah, except he planned it! He knew that when we team killed him we would get booted from the match." Ruby said laughing.

"Yeah, lets keep watching, I like this show I've never seen a show made by gamers." Yang said gesturing for Jaune to hit play.

**Sheila: "Auto-fire sequence deactivated."**

**Church: "(dying) Tucker! ...Tucker!"**

**Tucker: "Church! It's going to be okay, man."**

**Church: "No. Ah... I'm na, I'm not gonna make it. Tucker, there's something I need to tell you."**

**Tucker: "What is it?"**

"Aww, are they going to have a moment?" Pyrrha asked hopefully.

**Church: "I just want you to know, I always hated you. I always hated you the most."**

Nora, Jaune, Ruby, and Yang all burst out laughing.

"Dad's final words to Qrow!" Yang said laughing.

"Qrow's final words to dad!" Ruby said back.

**Tucker: "Yeah, I know you did. Now hurry up and die, you prick."**

**Church: "Okay. Hrrrrrk! Blegh"**

**The scene cut to black.**

"Funny episode." Ren said smiling.

"You liked it? You didn't laugh once." Yang said.

"It was still good." Ren said.

"It was bad, they killed off a main character so early? Why would they do that." Weiss said.

"Ugh Weiss, of course you don't like it." Ruby whined.

"I didn't either, bad death acting." Blake muttered.

"Well I liked it, gamers making a show in a game. Amazing." Jaune said.

"Well, start the next episode already!" Yang yelled excited.


	9. S1E9 After Church

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls.**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 9- After Church**

"Oh hey, I was just thinking about this. Last episode was don't fear the reaper, because Church died." Pyrrha said proudly.

"Oh yeah, pretty cool." Jaune said thinking about it.

"Church is a weird name." Weiss said. "I wondered if it had any significance before but now I know It doesn't."

Jaune just ignored her and tapped play on his scroll.

" **After Church" appeared on the screen.**

"Huh that's clever." Blake commented.

**Simmons and Grif run up the ramp in to the red base, where Donut is waiting with the flag**

**Donut: "What happened?"**

**Grif: "Big... Tank... Shoot... Whooooh!"**

**Simmons: "Damn, man, we only ran like three hundred feet. You are really out of shape."**

"300 feet is easy." Ruby said proudly. "Even without my semblance."

**Grif: "Fuck... You..."**

**Donut: "Where's your car?"**

**Simmons: "General Patton here had a great strategy to leave it behind."**

Weiss pulled out her scroll and started typing. Jaune looked over to see general Patton in her search bar.

"Anything?" Jaune asked.

Weiss groaned, "no, nothing. But it is a general. Maybe Winter would know."

"Winter?" Ruby asked. "Your sister?"

"Yes, she's coming for the festival! I can't wait to show her around...Oh! Speaking of that we need to prepare, we need to-"

"I'm gonna stop you right there Weiss, Jaune hit play." Yang said holding up a hand.

**Grif: "Hey, it would have worked if that tank hadn't shown up."**

**Donut: "You lost the jeep? Oh man, Lopez is gonna be pissed. Where is it?"**

**Explosion, the jeep flies up on the base from below, landing between Donut and the other two**

"Oh! There's the puma!" Yang said laughing.

"Warthog." Weiss corrected.

"M12LRV" Ren said looking through his old notes.

"Does the name matter?" Pyrrha asked trying to stop a fight before it started.

"Yeah it's just a jeep." Blake added.

"With a really big gun!" Ruby said admiring the turret. "Oh Coco will love it! Her turret will be so much lighter and-"

"Hit play before she talks our heads off." Yang said sighing, yet again saving everyone.

**Grif: "What the hell?"**

**Another explosion**

**Grif: "Son of a bitch!"**

**Donut: "Holy crap! What the hell is that thing?"**

**Grif: "That's the tank!"**

**Tank continues firing**

**Donut: "Hey uh, Grif uh, you wanna hold the flag for a little bit?"**

**Grif: "No, keep that away from me!"**

**Cut to Tucker and the Rookie in the tank**

**Tucker: "Why do you keep firing at the jeep?"**

**Caboose: "Because it's locked on!"**

**Sheila: "Target locked."**

**Tucker: "Well unlock it."**

**Caboose: "Last time I unlocked it, I KILLED CHURCH!"**

"Now its two on five, pretty unfair." Nora pouted.

"They do have a tank however." Ren stated.

"Yeah that Tank has been real useful to Blue team so far."

**Tucker: "Oh, right... keep shooting the jeep then."**

**Back to the red base**

**Donut: "I hate to be the one to point this out guys, but I think we're screwed."**

**Explosion**

**Simmons: "Yeah. I have to agree with the rookie on this one."**

**Radio sounds, the scene switched to show a pelican flying from an island.**

"Woah whats this?" Ruby said, everyone leaned forward interested.

**Sarge: "(on radio, from pelican) Blood Gulch Outpost Number One. Come in, Blood Gulch Outpost, come in. Do you read me? This is Sergeant-"**

"Wow is this actual animation." Weiss said unimpressed. "It still looks terrible."

"Weiss...whatever its probably old." Ruby sighed.

**Grif: "Oh my God, Sarge, is that you?"**

**Sarge: "Roger that, Private. I am currently in-bound to your position from Command."**

**Simmons: "Sir, this is Simmons."**

**Sarge: "Hello Simmons. I hope everything's gone alright while I've been gone."**

A few of them chuckled at that.

"Is the scene just looping?" Weiss asked.

"What?" Ruby asked confused.

"The airships, they keep flying in the same pattern every time the scene changes." Weiss pointed out.

"Maybe its to save money?" Ren suggested.

"Maybe." Blake agreed.

**Grif: "Actually sir, things are kind of hectic right now. The new rookie arrived, and somehow he managed to infiltrate the blue base, and now we have their flag, the Warthog is damaged, one of their guys is** _**dead** _ **, and there's this huge fucking tank about to destroy our base."**

**Sarge: "(radio sounds) ... (more radio sounds) ... Am I talkin' to the right base?"**

**Grif: "Sarge, we, are going, to** _ **die**_ **here."**

**Sarge: "Well then hold tight boys. I think I gotta solution to your little 'tank' problem."**

**Cut to Tucker**

**Tucker: "Uh oh."**

**Plane flies over red base, cut back to Tucker**

**Tucker: "Hey Caboose, you might wanna get out of the tank. Like right now."**

**Caboose: "I can't figure out how to get this thing open!"**

"A truly terrible training program." Weiss said.

**Sheila: "Night vision engaged."**

**Tucker: "Rookie, get out now."**

**Shells exploding progressively nearer to the tank**

**Caboose: "Okay, open the duh, okay, I, Sheila, will you please open the door?"**

"Is that an airstrike?" Nora asked. "Awesome!"

**Sheila: "Driver canopy open. (Caboose gets out and runs off the tank) Thank you for using the M808V main battle ta-"**

**Shell hits the tank, blowing it on its roof backwards**

"That bomb should have hit way sooner, the explosions were much faster than that." Weiss pointed out.

"There are a lot of inconsistencies, but the show is more geared towards comedy than realism." Ren explained.

**Caboose: "Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap running, running, running. (reaches Tucker) Man, that was close."**

"Yeah I can definitely hear Doctor Oobleck in there now." Yang said laughing. "You can't not hear him when he's panicking."

**Tucker: "Look at your tank though."**

**Sheila: "I'm scared Dave. Will I dream? Daisy... Daaaaiisyyyyyy..."**

"Who's Dave?" Yang asked.

"Who cares look, that means the tank is a person!" Ruby said.

"Robots can't be people, they don't have sentience." Weiss said. Ruby glared at her.

"What?" Weiss asked confused.

"I- nevermind." Ruby said blushing.

"People say the same about Faunus." Blake commented.

"Well yeah but...this is different." Weiss explained.

"I know, but still." Blake said.

"I'm sure she meant nothing by it." Pyrrha said quickly diffusing the situation.

**Caboose: "Sheeeeiilaaaaa! Noooooo!"**

**Tucker: "What? No! Sheila! Sheila! Wait... who's Sheila?"**

**Caboose: "Sheila's the lady in the tank. She was my friend..."**

**Tucker: "Oh, dude! I** _ **knew**_ **you could pick up chicks in a tank"**

**The scene cut to black.**

"Ugh really? That's what he says after all that?" Weiss said angrily.

"I know, their leader died and their tank got destroyed all in one day and the Reds are completely fine, but that's what he says." Blake said.

"I'm still rooting for Blue team! no matter how stupid Tucker or Caboose are." Ruby said.

"Yeah!" Yang yelled agreeing.

"You will be avenged!" Nora yelled.

"I like Simmons, I vote Red team." Jaune said.

"I also vote Red team." Pyrrha chimed in.

"Well I vote for neither, both are incompetent." Weiss said.

"Agreed." Blake said.

"Traitors!" Ruby shouted.

...

"Ren!" Nora yelled.

"What? Oh uh Red team I guess." Ren said suddenly alert.

"What? How could you vote against me?" Nora asked.

"You went against your entire team." Jaune said smugly.

"No! You all went against me!" She yelled back.

"It's ok Nora! Welcome to team...Rain!" Ruby yelled.

"Rain?" Yang asked.

"Ryn" Ruby explained. "Rain for Blue team!"

"Well, we are...uh." Jaune said trying to think of a name.

"Pron?" Pyrrha suggested. "PRN"

Yang started laughing.

"What?" Pyrrha asked.

"More like team Porn." She said before laughing again.

"Yang! Gross!" Ruby said blushing.

"I've seen your search history Ruby." Yang said threateningly.

"W-what!" Ruby said blushing furiously.

Yang started laughing even louder. "Ruby! I haven't seen your search history, your face revealed everything I need to know!"

Ruby sputtered for a second before getting angry.

"Well, You... " Ruby shouted. "uhh"

"And?" Yang asked confused.

"Well I-"

"Was trying to embarrass me?...Ruby, I have no shame." Yang said proudly.

"She FINALLY admits it!" Weiss said throwing her hands up.

Blake silently went over to Ruby and comforted her. "I know your pain Ruby."

"I'm so sorry Blake! I'm a hypocrite."

Jaune chuckled with Pyrrha. "I'm glad our team is normal." Jaune whispered to her.

"REN! WHERE ARE THE PANCAKES!"

"Nevermind." Jaune whispered laughing. Pyrrha laughed with him and fell into his shoulder. He blushed a little but smiled.

"Next episode?" Jaune asked everyone.


	10. S1E10 A Shadow of His Former Self

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls.**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 10- A Shadow of his Former Self**

"Go ahead and play it." Weiss ordered.

" **A Shadow of his former self" appeared on the screen.**

"Hmm, dark title." Blake said.

**Tucker in front of Caboose, in front of the blue base**

**Tucker: "(on radio) Come in Blue Command. This is Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha. Do you read me?"**

"Outpost Alpha?" Ren said to himself mostly while grabbing his notebook.

"What is it?" Jaune asked.

"Red base is outpost number one, Blue base is outpost Alpha? That's strange." Ren muttered.

"How?" Weiss asked.

"I don't know, it just seems weird that both of their commands call their bases prime. If Red base is number one whats base number two? And what's base beta?" Ren asked.

"Maybe that's just what blue command calls red base, beta base because its not there's." Jaune suggested.

"Calling it Beta base would mean that it is a part of Blue command which it isn't." Ren said.

"Maybe its because its the only base, meaning its the most important" Weiss explained. "That's how the Atlas military works, its the only blue base in Blood Gulch so it's Alpha just like Red base is the only Red base in Blood Gulch so it's Number One."

"You're probably right." Ren acknowledged.

**Caboose: "Okay, that is the last of it, your armor is clean now."**

**Tucker: "Did you get all the black stuff off?"**

**Vic: "This is Blue Command, come in Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha."**

"That's the man in grey." Ren commented.

"What? He's in yellow." Ruby pointed out.

"Yeah, he's wearing yellow but thats the man from The intro, the one in space." Ren said pulling out his notebook and pencil.

"Starting your notes again?" Weiss asked.

"Well this seems important." Ren said.

"But we already know its not from another uni-"

"We don't know that." Ruby said. "And did you hear back from Winter?"

"No, she likely won't respond until tomorrow, unless she's on a mission." Weiss said downcast.

"It'll be ok Weiss." Yang said patting her shoulder. "Older sisters always have time for their sister."

"Aww Yang!" Ruby said hugging her.

**Tucker: "Hello! Command! We need help."**

**Vic: "Roger that, Blood Gulch, what is your request?"**

**Tucker: "I don't know what the technical military term is for it, but uh, we're pretty fucked up down here. We need men!"**

"I don't know the technical military term for the Atlas military but Winter taught me some military slang." Weiss explained. "SNAFU, meaning Situation Normal, All fucked up, or FUBAR, Fucked up beyond any repair."

"That's the first time I ever heard you curse." Pyrrha said.

"It's strange." Blake said.

"Awww you're being corrupted!" Yang yelled.

"One of us! One of us!" Nora yelled.

"What? No! I'm not a child I can curse, I just choose not to, it is immature and informal." Weiss explained.

"Boo!" Nora screamed.

**Vic: "Dude, how long have you guys been down there?"**

Yang laughed at that. "I love this show! Whoever wrote it is a genius! Its funny."

"I will admit, the dialogue is great." Blake said.

"I still think it's immature, but it is...innovative with the way they made it." Weiss conceded.

"Aww Weiss is coming around!" Nora yelled.

**Tucker: "No, no no, naw, it- not like that. we need more men to help us."**

**Vic: "Roger that. Did you get the tank we sent?"**

**Tucker: "Yeah, that got blown up too.**

**Vic: Wow. Sucks to be you."**

**Tucker: "Yeah, we know."**

**Vic: "Okay, here's what I can do. The nearest blue forces can be there in sixteen days, or I-"**

**Tucker: "Sixteen days!? That's almost two weeks!"**

"It's over a week" Weiss corrected automatically.

"We know." Yang said.

**Vic: "Or I can hire a nearby freelancer and get him there within a few hours."**

"Freelancer? Like freelancer huntsmen that don't serve any kingdom and just go around taking jobs?" Ruby asked.

"Likely." Ren responded.

**Caboose: "I like the 'in an hour' one."**

**Tucker: "Yeah, me too. Roger that Command, we prefer the quicker solution."**

**Vic: "10-4 Blood Gulch, we will contact freelancer Tex, and have him there post-haste. Command out."**

"10-4?" Nora asked looking at Ren who shrugged.

"Military term, it means Okay or Affirmative." Weiss explained.

"Cool." Ruby said.

"Freelancer Tex? He was in the intro too." Ren explained.

**Tucker: "Whoever he is, make sure he can fix a tank."**

**Caboose: "What's a freelancer?"**

**Tucker: "Freelancers are independent, they're not red** _ **or**_ **blue. They're just guns for hire, who'll fight for whoever has the most money."**

"So just like freelance Hunters." Blake commented.

"Why would huntsmen pick a side?" Ruby asked.

"Well, between kingdoms and stuff." Yang explained.

"No, not what I meant." Blake said. "Some Huntsmen are a little less honorable than most and fight for criminals, or the White Fang." Blake explained. "Roman Torchwick has hunter training, remember?"

"But that doesn't matter now! We kicked his butt and he's locked away in prison!" Ruby shouted.

"Yeah!" Yang yelled happily.

Blake smiled but she couldn't keep down her suspicions.

"Teeeaaammm RWBY!" Ruby shouted.

"Hey we helped too!" Nora yelled.

"Aaaaaaannd JNPR!" Ruby yelled.

"Yeah!" Nora yelled. Jaune raised a fist while Pyrrha laughed.

**Caboose: "Like a mercenary."**

**Tucker: "Right. Or like your mom, when the rent's due."**

"Mean." Blake commented.

**Caboose: "oh, that's funny."**

**Tucker: "Yeah, you didn't think that was too obvious?"**

"I don't get it." Ruby said.

"Its uh, well like a mercenary, they get payed you know? So when the rent is due, she gets fights for whichever side has the most money. Or in this case, has sex with whoever has the most money." Yang explained. "I think."

"Oh...mean." Ruby said agreeing with Blake.

**Caboose: "No no, no no, that was, that was good."**

**Church in white armor starts fading in in the background**

**Church: "(spooky voice) Tucker... Tuuuckerrr..."**

"What!?" Weiss yelled.

"It's Church! Dads back yay!" Yang yelled.

Ruby was happy for a moment before getting a look on her face Yang knew all too well. Yang silently held Ruby's shoulder for a second, Ruby didn't let out a sound, Ruby took a breath and smile.

"Really? They brought back a dead character!" Weiss yelled angrily. "Stupid show."

"Why? It's clearly just a comedy show." Jaune explained.

"Just play it." Weiss said.

**Tucker: "Who the hell are you?"**

**Church: "(spooky voice) I am the ghost of Chuuuurch... and I've come back with a waaarniiing..."**

**Caboose: "You're not Church... Church is blue. You're white."**

**Church: "(normal voice) Rookie, shut up, man. I'm a freakin' ghost! Have you ever seen a blue ghost before?"**

**Tucker: "Yeah, that's definitely him."**

**Church: "Now I gotta start all over again... (ahem) (spooky voice) Tucker... Tuuuckerrr... I've come back with a waaarniiing..."**

**Tucker: "Is it really necessary to do the voice?"**

"It makes no sense! He was dead for one episode!" Weiss complained.

**Caboose: "Yeah, it's kinda annoying."**

**Church: "Fine. Okay, here's the deal. I've come back from the dead to give you a warning about Tex. Don't let -"**

**Caboose: "What's the warning?"**

**Church: "Shut up for one second, and I'll tell you."**

**Caboose: "Oh, sorry."**

**Church: "Seriously, man, I mean, I'm coming back from the great beyond here. You think this is easy? It's not. It's not like I just, you know just pop in and out whenever I feel like it, it takes a lot of concentration."**

"I like how they aren't going with the typical movie cliche of dead people being better off now that they're dead because now they have all cool powers." Jaune said.

"Do you watch a lot of movies Jaune?" Pyrrha asked.

"Yeah, me and my sisters always had movie night friday." Jaune explained.

**Caboose: "Sorry."**

**Church: "I mean, it's bad enough that you killed me to begin with, but now I come back and I can't even get a word in edgewise, man. ... (exhales) Okay. Here's the deal."**

**Caboose: "Is this the warning?"**

**Church: "Alright, that's it, I swear to** _**God** _ **, Caboose, your ass is haunted. When we're done here, I'm gonna haunt you."**

Yang and Ruby laughed.

**Tucker: "Yeah, you're even starting to bug** _**me** _ **."**

**Church: "Okay, Tucker. You remember that I told you I was stationed on Sidewinder before they transfered me here to Blood Gulch, right?"**

**Tucker: "No."**

**Caboose: "Sidewinder, isn't that the ice planet?"**

**Church: "Yes."**

**Caboose: "Cool, what was** _ **that**_ **like?"**

**Church: "Um... it was** _**cold** _ **."**

"Is that how Atlas was like?" Ruby asked.

"Well yeah, but dust heating kept things warm and eventually you get used to it. Its especially cold on the Giant floating island." Weiss explained.

**Caboose: "That's it? Just cold?"**

**Church: "What do you want from me, a poem? It's a planet made entirely out of ice. It's** _**really, fuckin', cold** _ **."**

**Tucker: "Would you just let him talk?"**

**Cut to the blue base on Sidewinder**

"Woah is this a different map?" Ruby asked.

"Cool! Looks a lot bigger than Blood Gulch." Yang said.

**Church: "Alright, well, one day when I was there, everything was just like normal. I remember, I was out on patrol with my partner Jimmy. That Jimmy was a real good kid, everybody liked him."**

"I can already guess something bad happened to Jimmy." Blake commented.

**Tucker: "Do you think I was a good kid Church?"**

"No." Weiss chuckled.

**Church: "Tucker, don't get jealous man, just listen to the story, okay? Like I said, guys were hanging around, waitin' for some action, bitching about the cold..."**

**Camera zooms past three blue guys around a fire**

**Blue guy 1: "Man, it's fucking cold."**

**Blue guy 2: "I hope we get some action."**

Weiss sighed, "That about sums up the Privates of the Atlas Military."

**Church: "Anyway, Jimmy was in the middle of telling me all about this girlfriend he had back home."**

**Camera stops on Church in his light blue armor, and Jimmy**

**Jimmy: "Yep, soon as I get back, I'm gonna get down on one knee and ask her to marry me."**

**Church: "And that's when Tex showed up."**

**Camera angle changes to a distant shot, and Tex in transparent armor crosses the screen in the foreground**

**Church: "Private Mickey was the first to go. He was halfway across the base when all of a sudden he just started screaming bloody murder."**

**Mickey: "(turning around firing at the ground) Bloody murder! Bloody murder!"**

"Well trained soldiers remain calm under stress." Weiss commented.

"That's real easy to say when you have Aura." Blake commented, "A lot of soldiers don't."

"And these ones don't." Ren added.

"They have full body armor though." Jaune pointed out. "That's basically an equivalent."

**Church: "The whole thing was over before it even started."**

**Tex hits another blue soldier in the back of the head with the butt-end of the gun, then runs across to get the third one the same way**

**Church and Jimmy firing at something, Tex runs up behind them**

**Church: "Poor Jimmy was the last one to go. Tex walked up to him, pulled Jimmy's skull right out of his head and beat him to death with it."**

"What? That doesn't make any sense!" Weiss yelled.

"Why are you so mad?" Pyrrha asked.

"The show is getting even worse!" Weiss yelled.

"It's getting better!" Yang and Ruby yelled.

**Cut to Tucker**

**Tucker: "Wait a second... how do you beat someone to death with their own skull? That doesn't seem physically possible."**

"Exactly." Weiss said.

**Church: "That's exactly what Jimmy kept screaming."**

**Cut to Tex, in black armor, beating Jimmy to death with his own skull**

**Jimmy: "This doesn't seem physically possible! (dies) Eeeeggh, blehhhhh."**

**Cut back to Church in Blood Gulch**

**Church: "Bottom line is: these freelancers, they're bad news, and Tex is one of the worst."**

"Well from the Intro we know he is on their side." Ren commented.

"The intro spoiled us." Nora sighed.

**Caboose: "If he's such a badass, why didn't he kill you?"**

**Cut to Church on Sidewinder, surrounded by dead blues**

**Church: "To tell you I don't know** _ **why**_ **I'm not dead. Could've killed me at any point. But maybe it's because Tex and I have run in to each other once before."**

**Cut back to Tucker**

**Tucker: "Where?"**

**Church: "You uh, you remember that girl I told you about back home? Well, let's just say that Tex is the real reason why we never got married. Guys, I'm fading fast and I don't know when I'll be back. Just listen to my warning: don't let Tex get involved here."**

"I wonder what they're going to do." Weiss mumbled sarcastically.

**Tucker: "Okay."**

**Church: "I mean it Tucker. No fighting, no scouting, nothing. You'll regret it (fades out)"**

**Camera angle changes to a long shot of Tucker and Caboose, slowly panning left**

**Tucker: "So, Tex and Church were after the same girl."**

"Wouldn't that be a reason to kill Church?" Jaune asked.

Yang snorted, "Talk about a love triangle."

**Caboose: "I told you his girlfriend was a slut."**

**Tex's leg and arm come in to the camera angle, within earshot, and then the rest of the armor. Bass guitar music plays the episode out as the scene fades to black.**

"The show is getting so good! Next one next one!" Ruby yelled.


	11. S1E11 Knock knock, Who's there? Pain.

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

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**Chapter 11- Knock knock, Who's there? Pain.**

"Ok ok I'm playing it!" Jaune said.

" **Knock knock, who's there? Pain." Showed up on the screen with the theme.**

"Uh oh, Church said that they'd regret it." Pyrrha pointed out.

**The scene opened to Show Grif and Sarge talking while Lopez was fixing the Warthog.**

**Grif: "...and then I thought, you know, we could sneak around the side while they were hiding behind the rock but uh... that's when the tank showed up and uh... shit just started blowing up, I don't know."**

**Sarge:** " _ **[sighs]**_ **Grif, do you have any godly idea how much this piece of equipment costs?"**

**Grif: "I... I don't know... Like ten... Ten-twenty? Twenty-five bucks? ... You're gonna kill me now, aren't you?"**

"Atlas technology is ridiculously priced, military spending in Atlas is through the roof." Weiss commented.

"So are dust prices, but that's what happens when the SDC has a monopoly on it." Blake muttered.

"I know, but I'm going to change that." Weiss said blushing.

"I know." Blake said giving Weiss a smile.

**Sarge: "Tell you what, Grif. I'm a fair man. I'll give you a 10 second head-start before I let Lopez do anything he wants to you."**

**Grif: "Guys, I just want you to know, I'm really, really sorry about-"**

**Sarge: "5 mississippi, 6 mississippi."**

"Mississippi?" Ruby asked.

**Grif: "Okay, I guess I'd better get going."**

**[** _**Sarge and Lopez look at each other, then start shooting at Grif** _ **]**

**Grif: "Hey guys! Not funny, somebody could get hurt here!"**

**[** _**Tucker is standing with Tex, while Tex fires at a target off screen** _ **]**

**Tucker: "That's basically it sir. They have five guys over there and a big jeep."**

**Tex: [** _**Speaks through a voice filter** _ **] "And your flag." [** _**reloads gun** _ **]**

"Really deep voice, probably a typical Badass character." Jaune explained.

"Somehow I doubt he will be a very good fighter." Weiss said sarcastically.

**Tucker:..."Right. That too."**

**[** _**Tex throws grenade** _ **]**

**Tucker: "Hey, Tex? I don't know what it's been like at your other bases, but we try to not use other soldiers as target practice here."**

**[** _**Caboose is standing in front of a Parapet full of bullet blasts** _ **]**

**Caboose: "I'm scared..."**

Yang, Jaune, Nora, and Ruby started laughing. Pyrrha joined in a second later.

 **Tucker: "[talking to Tex but Tex is not listening] So you've got the special forces black armor I see... Were you in the special forces at some point? [Tex reloads some more] Yeah, I used to have black armor too. It was black because I got this stuff all over it from th-** _ **[Tex leaves]**_ **Okay, you gotta go? I'll see you later."**

 **Caboose:** " _ **[whispers]**_ **I don't think he likes you."**

**Tucker: "thanks, where are you going?"**

**Tex: "Red base, kill everybody, get the flag back."**

"Tex sounds like a robot." Blake said.

"Hmm you're probably right." Jaune said. "Maybe that's a weakness?"

Ruby frowned, _Penny being a robot isn't a weakness._

**Caboose: "ohh, okay! We'll just stay here and guard the trans...porter."**

**The scene switched to show Grif and Simmons.**

**Grif: "so, Sarge thought my strategy had merit, but was poorly executed. Probably because SOMEBODY didn't believe in it."**

"I bet he didn't." Weiss said. "I'm so happy the Atlas military isn't like this."

**Simmons: "bullshit! He told me he thought you were a retarded monkey, and he's gonna suspend your weapon privileges."**

**Donut: "hey since I captured the flag, you think they'll give me my own color armor now?"**

"I hope they do, so we can tell them apart." Jaune said.

**Simmons: "What do you mean captured? You thought you were buying it at the store you idiot."**

**Donut: "Still, you think theres a shot?"**

**Simmons: "maybe they'll give you Grif's armor, since he destroyed the Warthog."**

**Grif: "yeah. W-wait you don't think they'd do that, do you?"**

**The scene switched to show Sarge and Lopez**

**Sarge: "try connectin that hose to that metal thingy there. I think that's what's makin that rattle. I...Think I'll let you do it." He said whenever Lopez looked at him angrily.**

"Is Lopez a mute or something?" Nora asked.

"Maybe." Jaune said.

"Ohhhh, like that Neo girl." Ruby said.

Yangs eyes flashed Red for a second before switching back to lilac.

**[** _**Tex runs outside red base cloaked** _ **]**

**Sarge: "what the. What was that?"**

"Is that Tex? How is he invisible?" Yang asked.

"In the intro he did that." Ren explained.

**Grif: "Simmons, what's going on? Whats over there?"**

**Simmons: "I thought I saw something for a second."**

Everyone leaned forward

**Grif: "hey rookie, tuck the flag someplace safe until we can figure out what's going on." He ordered.**

"Smart." Ren commented.

**Donut: "good idea. I was sick of carrying this thing anyway." He said dropping the flag into the base.**

**Simmons: "Did you hear that?"**

**Grif: "Yeah."**

**Donut:** _ **[whispers]**_ " **Hey, what's going on?"**

**[** _**Tex sticks Donut with a plasma grenade** _ **]**

"Woah what was that blue thing!" Ruby asked.

"A grenade!" Nora said happily.

**Grif: "What the fuck?"**

**Donut: "What?" He said as the plasma grenade stuck to his head.**

**Simmons: "What is** _ **that**_ **thing?"**

**Donut: "What thing?"**

"Its a sticky grenade! Why haven't I thought of that! Ruby can you make me sticky grenades? Can you! Can you! Can you!" Nora asked excitedly.

"Oh my god yes! Finally someone wants me to make them a weapon!" Ruby said happily before glaring at Yang.

"Sorry Rubes, these babies are mine and mine alone to touch." Yang said kissing Ember Celica.

**Grif: "There's something on your head."**

**Donut: "What, is it a spider? Get it off!"**

**Simmons: "No, it's not a spider. It's like a blue thing..."**

**Donut: "What, like a blue spider? Get it off!"**

**Grif: "It's not a spider! Now calm down! It's some kind of fuzzy, pulsating thing..."**

**Donut: "That doesn't sound much better than a spider!"**

"Why is everyone so scared of spiders?" Yang asked, "They're just like any other bug."

"Their legs and eyes." Weiss shivered.

**Simmons: "Does it hurt?"**

**Donut: "No."**

**Simmons: "Maybe we should try to take it off."**

**Grif: "Good idea. Go for it."**

**Simmons: "Me? By 'we', I mean you, asshole."**

**Donut: "Well, someone needs to get it off. It might be dangerous."**

_**[The plasma grenade explodes]** _

**Grif and Simmons: "SON OF A BITCH!"**

"Well, looks like another character has died." Weiss said sarcastically.

"Whats wrong with you?" Yang asked.

"I can't stand it when shows bring back dead characters!" Weiss yelled.

"So you care about the show!" Ruby said.

"What? No!" Weiss said.

" _Yes you do!_ " Ruby said in a sing song voice.

"Shut up! Jaune hit play!"

**Grunting and beeping sounded through the black screen.**

**Grif: "Where'd he go!"**

**Simmons: "eek! I'm going to faint!"**

**The episode ended.**

"Wow, what a baby." Nora commented.

"Start the next one. I want to finish the season before twelve." Weiss said.

"We don't even know how many episodes there are a season." Blake said.

"In most shows it's around twenty." Jaune explained.

"So start it already." Yang said.


	12. S1E12 Down, but Not Out

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

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**Chapter 12- Down, but Not Out**

" **Down, but Not Out" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

**Grif: "(in the distance) Son of a... where'd he go? No! Don't kill me, I'm too good looking to die!"**

"I wonder if we will ever see them" Pyrrha said.

"Probably not, since it's in a game." Ruby said.

**Caboose: "Man... he is really kicking their asses."**

**Tucker: "How come I never get the fucking sniper rifle?"**

**Caboose: "(lowers the rifle) I'm really glad Tex is on our team and not theirs."**

**Tucker: "Sure makes things a lot easier on us."**

**Caboose: "Yeah. I think switching Tex for Church was a good trade."**

"Wow, they do not care about each other at all." Blake said.

**Tucker: "It definitely seems like your killing Church is starting to work out for us."**

**Caboose: "Ya know ya think so? You know, I was gonna say something but uh, well you know, uh... nah..."**

**Tucker: "Did Tex get in the base?**

**Caboose: (raises the rifle, sees Tex enter the base) Yeah."**

**Cut to the flag stand in the blue base as the Flag reappears**

**Freaky Game Voice: "Blue team, flag returned."**

"What was that?" Weiss asked.

"The flag returned...Oh! Its capture the flag!" Ruby yelled.

"Wow I can't believe I didn't think of that before!" Yang said. "Capture the flag is a game type in some multiplayer games." She explained.

"I never took you for much of a gamer." Jaune said.

"What? Do I just not look like one?" Yang said gesturing to her body. "Never mind...I see your point."

**Tucker: "What the... who said that?"**

**Church: "(clears throat) Sorry, that was me. I uh, I guess I had something stuck in my throat. Your flag is back, by the way."**

"Stuck in his throat? That makes no sense. He's a ghost, ghosts don't have throats." Weiss said.

Blake coughed and blushed. Her eyes quickly glanced over to her pile of smut books, one specifically titled. "Ghosts of love"

**Caboose: "Hey... it's Church!"**

**Church: "Yeah, it's me. Hey Caboose."**

**Caboose: "Hey Church, what're you up to?"**

**Church: "Caboose, ah-huh-huh, I'm not really here to make small-talk, okay? How'd you guys manage to get your flag back?"**

**Tucker: "Wh, what? Oh, th, that flag? We've always had** _**that** _ **."**

**Church: "Tucker, who do you think you're trying to fool? Hey wait a second... Where's Tex?"**

**Tucker: "I'm not really sure, he said he was gonna go to the store, something about uh, Elbow Grease."**

"They make a lot of callbacks in this show." Jaune commented. "I like it."

 **Church: "Oh great. This is so** _ **typical!**_ **What was the one thing I told you guys the last time I appeared?"**

"Don't let Tex get involved." Ren said.

**Caboose: "That Sidewinder is cold!?"**

**Church: (sigh) "what was the** _ **other**_ **one thing I told you?"**

**Tucker: "Not to let him get involved?"**

**Church: "Right. And what did you do?"**

**Tucker: "We let him get involved."**

**Church: "And not just a little involved, how involved?"**

**Caboose: "Very, very involved."**

"Church is like their mom." Yang said laughing.

**Cut to Tex in the red base**

**Sarge: "(emerging from the left) Freeze."**

**Lopez emerges from the right, pinning Tex**

**Sarge: "Drop your weapon."**

**Tex: (drops the gun) "Hey buddy."**

**Sarge: "What?" He said harshly.**

**Tex: "You really better hope the first one knocks me out."**

"He sounds like a badass." Yang said smiling.

**Sarge hits Tex with the butt end of his shotgun, conveniently knocking Tex out.**

**Cut to Grif on the red base.**

**Grif: "Ow, what the... My freakin' head. Jesus."**

"They keep saying Jesus, I wonder what that curse word means." Yang wondered out loud.

"Why? It's a curse word." Weiss asked.

"Yeah but, its interesting. It's from another uni-" Yang started.

"How come you and everyone else here just instantly believed it was from another universe! You believe hackers over common sense!" Weiss yelled.

"Excuse me but uh, I don't believe its from another universe." Pyrrha said raising a hand.

"Neither do I." Blake said.

"Nor do I, but...it does use a lot of terminology that is alien to us. And not to mention the fact that me and you can't find anything on Red Vs Blue or the game its made in." Ren said to Weiss.

"So that must mean it's from another universe." Ruby explained.

"Come on! Yang you're smarter than this, do you think its from another universe?" Weiss asked.

"It's absolutely from another universe because it annoys you." Yang said.

"What?" Weiss asked confused.

"She is saying it's from another universe to annoy you." Ren whispered.

"Ha! See so only Ruby-"

"The text said it was from another universe and why would the text lie?" Nora said.

"Only Ruby and Nora-"

"Actually I think it would be pretty cool if it was from another universe." Jaune said.

"Ugh Fine! Just play the episode." Weiss said angrily.

**Simmons: "(stands up from tending to Donut) He's hurt, Grif. He'll make it, but we need to get him some help fast."**

**Grif: "Yeah, yeah hold on one second. What happened here? W- First Donut's head exploded, and then you fainted, and then some black thing showed up and started-"**

**Simmons: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. I did not faint, something knocked me out."**

"Real soldiers get Knocked out." Nora laughed. "Simmons fainted."

**Grif: "Okay fine, keep lying to yourself. Whatever helps you sleep at night."**

**Simmons: "Man, just go find Sarge, we need to get Donut outta here."**

**Grif: "Yeah sure, oh, and uh, I'm fine by the way, thanks for asking." (runs down the ramp)**

**Simmons: "Whatever, no one likes you anyway."**

"That is an incredibly horrible thing to say." Pyrrha frowned.

**Cut to Caboose, looking through the sniper rifle at Grif entering the red base**

**Caboose: "Yep, he's definitely captured... Or dead... Captured or dead. ...(inhales sharply) Or captured** _ **and**_ **dead!"**

**Church: "Oh, well that's just** _**perfect!"** _

"He even acts like dad! Sarcastic when he's angry and in the exact same tone." Yang said amazed.

"It has to be dad from another universe! I know some voices sound a like but it is _exactly_ the same." Ruby explained.

"If the other universe theory is correct then it could just be that he is a voice actor." Ren said.

"That's a good point Ren and it made me think of something." Yang said grinning. "Weiss...whats your theory? Where did this show come from and why was it shown to us?"

"Well it came from Hackers. As for why...I don't know but you don't know why either!" Weiss shot back.

"Maybe its just like the text said. It's their favorite show so they showed it to us." Ren contemplated.

"Whatever, the show can't get much worse. Let's just keep watching. (Whispers) would rather do this than study anyway." Weiss mumbled.

**Tucker: "What? What is your problem? Why do you even care if he's captured, I thought you hated that guy anyway, for stealing your girlfriend?"**

**Church: "I never said I hated Tex. I just said that she was the reason why we never got married."**

**Caboose: "She?"**

"What?" Ruby, Weiss, Blake, and Jaune said at the same time.

"Jinx!" Nora called out.

"Not now Nora." Ren said kindly shutting her up.

**Cut to inside the red base, with everyone but Donut present**

**Simmons: "Sarge, we need to get Donut air-lifted outta here."**

**Sarge: "Could you put that in a memo, and entitle it "Shit I already know!" Get on the horn with Command! Well, look who's up. Rise 'n' shine, buttercup."**

**Tex is standing, sparks flying from the right shoulder, jerking it back**

**Tex: "(now sounding like a girl) Oh great... you broke my voice filter. You cock biting fucktards!"**

"Finally! A female character!" Weiss said happily.

"And she's tough!" Yang said happily.

 **Grif: "Ah-ha! I knew it! Only a chick could give me a headache** _ **this**_ **big!"**

Jaune, Yang, Ruby, and Ren started laughing.

"That was a little sexist." Weiss said.

"Oh grow up!" Yang said harshly. "It's a joke, and a funny one too. people need to get over themselves."

"Well, I guess you're right." Weiss mumbled.

"What was that?" Blake asked a little surprised.

"What! I liked the joke, jokes like that would never fly on Atlas tv, everything was so...formal and politically correct." Weiss complained. "But this show kind of over does the offensive jokes."

"I think they found a great balance." Jaune said. "At first this show seemed like it would just be stupid dick jokes but so far its been clever."

"I agree." Pyrrha said.

"I still just love how its _in_ a game!" Ruby shouted.

"So lets keep watching! I haven't had any good shows to watch for a while and I'm still waiting on Game of Kings season 8" Yang said. "Wonder if it'll be any good?"

**Tex: "...What's the matter, you never seen a girl before? How long have you guys been out here" she said as the screen turned black.**

"Well that's all the characters from the intro." Ren said.

"Start the next one." Ruby ordered.


	13. S1E13 Human Peer Bonding

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

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**Chapter 13- Human Peer Bonding**

" **Human peer bonding appeared on the screen" with the theme**

This time when the theme song played Nora and Ruby hummed it.

"Oh! Jaune plug your Scroll up it's about to die." Pyrrha said quickly grabbing her charger.

"Oh! Right I forgot about that." Jaune said plugging it up.

**The scene opened to show Tucker and Church at blue base.**

**Tucker: "Let me get this straight... you're telling me that the guy that showed up here, scared the living shit out of us, shot at Caboose and beat the hell out of the reds wasn't a guy at all? That he was a chick? And on top of that, she was your ex-girlfriend?"**

**Church: "In a nutshell, yes. That's an excellent summary."**

**Caboose: "I should have known... She didn't like me... Girls, never, like me."**

Jaune got a look on his face and quickly glanced over to Weiss, Pyrrha noticed the look and put a hand on his shoulder. He smiled and she leaned against him for a short second.

**Tucker: "Caboose, I don't think anybody likes you."**

**Caboose: "I like me..."**

**Tucker: "I don't think I've seen a girl that** _ **mean**_ **before. Are you sure she's a chick? And not a guy? Or like, part guy part shark?"**

"Sounds like old Weiss." Ruby said.

"Wow, I'm not even offended. I'm just amazed that you said something mean." Weiss said.

"Oh! I'm sorry I Weiss I- I only-"

"It's fine Ruby." Weiss said smiling.

 **Church: "I'm pretty sure I'd know if Tex was a guy. And I'm** _ **definitely**_ **sure I would know if she was part shark."**

**Caboose: "Wait, oh, wait oh wait. If she's a girl, then why is she named Tex?"**

**Church: "Uh... because she's from** _**Texas** _ **."**

"Hmm, Texas." Weiss muttered typing into her scroll. "Ugh! Nothing!"

**Caboose: ...**

**Church: "Trust me, it makes sense. And you can't blame her for being so aggressive. It's not entirely her fault to begin with."**

**Tucker: "Right. You should blame God. First he makes hangovers, and now, half women, half sharks that won't even sleep with me. Thanks for nothing, God!"**

"They seem kind of religious." Blake said.

"Yeah, Everyone I know is agnostic besides I think one traveler me and Yang met that was from outside the kingdoms." Ruby said.

**Church: "Will you shut up with that? She got recruited in to some kind of weird experimental program back during basic where, they infused her armor with this really aggressive A.I. I'm not really sure how it all works, but all I know is it made her meaner and tougher than hell."**

"Hmm secret military experiments, wonder why that sounds familiar." Blake said sarcastically.

"I know my father funds the Atlas military but I trust that General Ironwood isn't doing anything dangerous." Weiss explained. "He's very honorable."

Ruby was secretly freaking out about how she knows an Atlas secret.

 **Caboose: "** _ **A.I...**_ **What's the A stand for?"**

"Artificial Intelligence." Weiss said.

**Church: "Artificial."**

**Caboose: "...What's the I-"**

**Church: "Intelligence."**

**Caboose: "Ooohhhhhhhhh what was the A again?"**

**Church: "Let's move on."**

**Tucker: "So, the military put this program in her head, and that program made her a killer. But underneath it all she's really just a sweet, down-home girl?"**

**Church: "Oh** _ **hell**_ **no. She's always been a rotten bitch, it's just now she's a rotten bitch with cybernetic enhancements."**

"Wow, I wonder why they ever started dating, seems like a toxic relationship." Blake said.

"Do you know anything about toxic relationships?" Yang asked.

"Well, kind of. My mentor Adam and I never were really..official but...our ideals clashed and he was turning into a monster. So I left him and more importantly, the White Fang. I doubt he cares much about me, it's not like him to go on some ridiculously stupid vendetta against his ex, he cares deeply about the White Fang and the Faunus." Blake explained.

"Oh, you wanna talk about it?" Yang asked.

"No I'm fine, and I mean honestly fine, lets keep watching." Blake said smiling.

**Tucker: "Wow. Sounds like you really won the lottery with that one. Good catch there buddy, she's a keeper."**

**Church: "So how're you doing, Caboose? Are you following any of this whatsoever?"**

**Caboose: "I think so... That guy Tex is really a robot, and you're his boyfriend. So that makes you... a gay robot."**

"His power of deduction is astounding." Weiss said sarcastically.

Nora almost spit her water out from laughter.

**Church: "Yeah... that's right... I'm a gay robot."**

**Cut to Grif and Simmons holding Tex at gunpoint**

**Grif: "So, you're a girl, huh?"**

**Tex: ...**

**Simmons: "Just ignore him, that's what I do."**

Weiss chuckled.

**Grif: "Not so tough now that we unloaded your weapon, are ya..."**

**Tex: "Hey punk, I don't need a weapon to kill you."**

**Grif: "Yeah, right. What're you gonna do,** _**punch me?"** _

**Tex leans in at Grif quickly, then leans back. Grif flinches and steps back**

**Grif: "Aaah, not the face!"**

"I really like Tex." Yang said.

**Back to the blue base**

**Church: "Well don't worry, because I have a great plan for how we're gonna rescue Tex."**

**Tucker: "A plan? Oh, man, I** _**hate plans** _ **. That means we're gonna have to do stuff. Can't we just have a strategy, or ...mission statement?"**

"That's exactly what a plan is." Weiss said.

"I think its a joke on how plans always seem to go wrong." Jaune said.

"Like team RWBY's" Nora said.

"Do you have something to say?" Yang asked threateningly.

"Hmm? I don't know what you mean."

Yang grumbled a bit before snatching Jaune's scroll and hitting play.

**Church: "I just need you guys to run a distraction, while I spring Tex."**

**Caboose: "Distraction? Heh. That sounds a lot like decoy."**

**Church: "The way I see it, the reds have absolutely no idea how many freelancers we have out here. So all I need from the two of you, is to run around in the middle of the canyon, wearing black armor, while I sneak in the back of the base."**

**Tucker: "Sounds good. But Church, where the hell are we gonna get two suits of black armor?"**

**Church looks at the teleporter, then Tucker looks at the teleporter**

**Tucker: "Oh fuckberries..."**

**The scene faded to black.**

"Fuck berries..." Yang snorted and shook her head.


	14. S1E14 Roomier than it looks

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

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**Chapter 14- Roomier than it looks**

" **Roomier than it looks." Appeared on the screen with the theme.**

Nora and Ruby hummed the theme again.

**The scene opened to show Tucker coming out of the teleportor in black armor.**

**Church: "Are you okay, Tucker?"**

**Tucker: "Yeah, I'm fine. (turns to the base) Come on Caboose!"**

**Caboose: "(back in the base) Does it hurt?!"**

**Tucker: "No, not at all!"**

**Caboose: "Okay! Here I come!"**

"It's steal kinda weird hearing Professor Oobleck talk like that, its kind of hard to hear but still." Jaune said.

"No kidding, it's still freaky hearing dad." Ruby said.

"Do you recognize anyone else's voice?" Jaune asked.

"Well, Grif kind of sounds like someone from Acheivemen but I'm not sure." Ruby said.

**Church: "Does it hurt for real?"**

**Tucker: "Oho, yeah. Big time."**

**Caboose: "(emerging from the teleporter) Owwchie. (turns to Tucker) You lied to me."**

**Cut to the red base**

**Sarge: "Ah, dammit. Lopez. C'm'ere. Do you see something out there?"**

"Lopez still has not had a single line." Jaune commented.

**Lopez looks through the sniper rifle, turns to sarge, lowers his head. Camera pans down to Grif and Simmons inside the base, with Tex**

**Simmons: "There's no L in it, it's pronounced both."**

**Grif: "That's what I'm saying. Bolth."**

**Simmons: "Both."**

Yang started laughing while Ruby blushed.

"What?" Jaune asked.

"Ruby used to say it like that when she was younger." Yang explained.

 **Grif: "You sound like such an** _ **ass**_ **the way you say it."**

**Sarge: "Grif! Quit your yammering and get your keister up here. Need some help. Got more of them Special Ops fellas headed toward the base."**

"What's a Keister?" Nora asked.

Everyone simply shrugged.

**Grif: "As in... more than one? Uh, maybe we should bolth go, sir."**

**Simmons: "** _**Both** _ **."**

**Grif: "Seriously man,** _**like an ass** _ **."**

**Sarge: "Well, well. Another brilliant idea from the thinktank. Why don't you both come up. Leave the prisoner alone. We could just put her on the honor system, have her guard herself."**

"I really like Sarge, his voice is funny." Nora commented.

**Grif: "Good point sir."**

**Sarge: "YOU'RE GOD DAMN RIGHT IT IS! Now get your ass up here, we got just enough time for me to spraypaint the bullseye on your back... Ah, by bullseye I of course mean camouflage. Now move it, cupcake."**

**Grif: "Yeah...(sighs)I'll be right up."**

**Cut to Church looking through a sniper rifle.**

"How is he holding a sniper rifle? And why does he have one? He's a ghost." Weiss asked.

"You just love pointing out plot holes." Jaune said.

"It's not my fault its not consistent." Weiss said.

"It's a comedy show." Jaune defended.

"Why are you defending it?" Blake asked.

"I like it, A lot." Jaune said.

**Church: "Hey Tucker, come in man, are you there? This is Church, it's working. The orange one is coming out of the base. I repeat, the orange one is coming out of the base."**

**Cut to Caboose and Tucker in armor covered in black stuff, hiding behind a rock, listening over the radio**

**Tucker: "Roger that."**

**Caboose: "Oh, oh oh oh, Tucker, Tucker Tucker. Is that, is that Church?"**

**Church: "Okay, now just keep moving around outside of the base, and draw their attention."**

**Caboose: "(over top of Church, drowning him out) Tell him, that I... I said... for me to say hi?"**

**Tucker: "Whoa wait wait, hey. What? I missed that, Caboose was talking to me. Shut up man, I'm on the radio."**

**Cut back to Church**

**Church: "I said, just keep movin-"**

**Tucker: "I'm not yelling, I'm just telling you to let me finish talking to Church. ...No, I'll tell him you said 'hi'** _**later** _ **. No you can't talk to him. How could you possibly talk to him on my headset?"**

"Ugh, Ruby this is exactly how I feel when I'm on the scroll with dad, or Qrow." Yang said.

"You always hog the scroll!" Ruby shot back.

 **Church: "Oh my God. I can't believe I actually** _ **died**_ **for this war."**

"I wonder if that's what soldiers during the great war thought as they were dying." Blake commented morbidly.

**Cut to Grif looking through the sniper rifle**

**Grif: "I don't see any... (sees Caboose running across the Gulch) Uh oh, yep, there's one. (Caboose stops next to a rock and stares at it) Why is he just standing there?"**

**Cut to Tucker crouching behind another rock**

**Tucker: "Caboose, get behind the rock. They can still see you."**

**Caboose: "They can't see me. I can't see them!"**

"That sort of thinking lead many former Fang members to get captured, It's not enough to not see them, and its better if you can see them when you need to be stealthy." Blake explained.

**Tucker: "That's because you're facing the rock."**

**Caboose: (looks at the base) "Oh. Right." (ducks behind the rock)**

**Tucker: "Real smooth, dipshit."**

**Back to the red base**

**Sarge: "They're definitely Special Ops. I ain't seen troop movements this coordinated since my days on Sidewi- (Church enters Sarge's body) WEKEGEHRRGRK!"**

"What? Did he just possess him?" Nora asked.

"Looks like it." Blake said.

"That is...awesome!" Nora yelled.

"Did anyone else notice what sarge was about to say?" Ren asked.

Everyone shook their head.

"He was about to say sidewinder, looks like he used to be with other Reds on sidewinder." Ren explained.

**Grif: "Sir, are you okay?"**

**Church as Sarge: "Uh, who you talking to, Red, me?"**

**Grif: "No. I'm talking to Lopez. Because, you know,** _ **that's**_ **real rewarding."**

**Lopez takes a swing at Grif**

**Grif: "Hey, what'd I tell you about that?"**

**Church: "Oh, uh I, I'm fine, that's... I'm just so mad about, these uh, God damn blues out here. 'tslike I'm so** _**God damn mad** _ **, I could spit! (horks one up and spits on his visor)"**

Weiss grimaced in disgust

**Grif: "Um, sir? Did you just spit inside your own helmet?"**

**Church: "Uh, yeah. I guess I did."**

**Grif: "Permission to speak freely, sir?"**

**Church: "Go ahead."**

**Grif: "That's really fucking gross."**

"Agreed." Weiss, Blake, and Pyrrha said.

**Cut to Caboose crouching down**

**Caboose: "Hey Tucker?"**

**Tucker: "What?"**

**Caboose: "I'm having a really good time... with... you."**

**Tucker: "That's great, Caboose."**

**Caboose: "Yeah, it's like we're** _**real soldiers** _ **."**

**Tucker: "Would you please go hide behind another rock?"**

**Cut to Church as Sarge running down to where Tex and Simmons are**

**Church: "Hey man. What's up yo?"**

"He is terrible at pretending to be someone else." Blake said.

**Simmons: "Uh... hey... what's going on out there sir?"**

**Church: "What's uh, why, nothin'. Why would you ask if something's wrong?"**

**Simmons: "I think that's a perfectly normal question in a time of war."**

"I think Simmons is the only smart one out of them all." Weiss said.

"What about Church?" Ren asked.

"Not as much." Weiss said.

**Church: "Yeah well, I don't know. You're starting to act kinda suspicious there, ...other red guy. So I'm keeping my eye on you."**

**Simmons: "(turning around to face Tex) Sarge, I'm starting to think that-"**

**Church hits Simmons on the back of the head, knocking him down**

**Simmons: "Ow, geez, the back of my head!"**

**Tex: "What the hell are you doing!?"**

**Church: "Tex! It's me, Church! I've come to rescue you."**

**Tex: "You're kind of short to be Church."**

"They are all the same height aren't they?" Nora asked.

**Church: "What? Oh yeah, right. The armor."**

**Church leaves Sarge**

**Sarge: "Harurgh! What in Sam Hill? Where the- Who spit on my visor?"**

"Sam hill? That's the second time he's said that." Ren said. "Sounds like a curse."

"Second time? How do you remember all these lines." Jaune asked.

"He has a really _really_ good memory." Nora said.

**Church as Ghost: "Tex, there's not much time to explain, so I'm just gonna give you the summary here, okay? I'm a spirit now, and I'm trapped in the physical world. I possessed this red guy, so that I could sneak in to the base and rescue you, while the rest of our guys run around out in the middle of the canyon, dressed in black armor, that they got from going through the teleporter."**

**Tex: "Okay."**

**Church: "What... that's it? Okay? You're not surprised by any of this?"**

"She may know more than she's letting on." Ren said.

"Knowing this show so far. It's definitely not that." Weiss said.

**Tex: "No, it pretty much all makes sense."**

**Church: "Not even the whole "Church is a ghost" thing? That didn't do anything for ya?"**

**Tex: "I can see right through you, it's pretty obvious..."**

**Church: "Okay, well, let me hop back in this guy and we'll get outta here."**

**Sarge: "(as Church re-enters him) Harurghk!"**

**Cut to Caboose looking through the sniper rifle, with Tucker near him**

**Tucker: "What're you doing?"**

**Caboose: "One of the reds has Tex. I'm going to shoot him, and kill him, and free Tex. Then Church will forgive me for killing** _**him** _ **, and we will be friends."**

Yang, Ruby, Jaune, and Nora already started to chuckle.

**Tucker: "Oh, come on, you don't actually believe any of that, do you?"**

**Caboose: "(training on Sarge's (Church's) head) Ohhh, we're gonna be best friends."**

**Cut to Church as Sarge, and Tex, outside the red base**

**Church: "Alright, I'll make one more distraction, then you run up to the teleporter, and escape. Ready? One... Two... Three!"**

**Caboose shoots Sarge (Church) in the head, and Sarge's body falls down dead-like**

"Wonder if he will come back as a ghost too?" Weiss said.

"Then death has no meaning in this show." Blake said.

The others ignored them and laughed.

**Church as Ghost: "What the? Where did my body go? Oh, you've gotta be KIDDING me!"**

**Caboose: "Tucker did it!"**

**The screen faded black.**

"Is anyone getting tired?" Jaune asked.

Everyone muttered some form of no.

"Ok, next episode." Jaune said.


	15. S1E15 How the Other Half Lives

**Author's Note:**

**I'm still loving the support and hola a mis spanish amigos, yo hablo poco espanol y gracias para la soportas. Yo estoy escribiendo muchos para usted. that is my terrible spanish but I wrote it because I thought it was cool that it's not just english speakers reading my fanfic. Here's chapter 15 and I plan to finish season 1 today.**

**Edit: Oh the days when I posted multiple chapters all in one day.**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls.**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

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**Chapter 15- How the Other Half Lives**

" **How the other Half Lives." Appeared on the screen with the theme.**

Nora and Ruby hummed enthusiastically to the guitar theme.

**Sarge: "(echoing) Hello? Hello? I said hello? Hallo. Is** _**any** _ **body out here?"**

**Church: "Holy cow, would you stop yelling? I'm here."**

**Sarge: "What is this place?"**

**Church: "Well, that's... kinda hard to explain. Uhm... You were shot in the head, buddy. So, here you are."**

**Sarge: "Am I dead?"**

**Church: "Are you dead, well, yeah, that's how I ended up here."**

"Ugh, so death does mean nothing." Weiss complained.

"Would you stop complaining so much?" Yang asked.

"I- fine, I guess I have been rather annoying." Weiss said.

"And stop being so proper." Ruby said.

"Don't ask for too much Ruby." Weiss advised.

**Sarge: "Are you some kinda Angel?"**

"Angel?" Blake muttered. "Church is a far cry from that."

**Church: "Aheh heh heh am I an Angel. Uh, (clears throat) yeah, actually, I am, I'm an Angel. Um, do you wanna go to Heaven? 'Cause it's, like, ten bucks to get in."**

"Their religion is weird, why would they have to pay money to get in." Ruby said.

"I think it may be a joke." Ren said.

**Sarge: "Well I uh, I didn't really bring any, I mean, my wallet's back in the car."**

**Church: "Hey you don't have it there, huh? Well uh, that's too bad. Pretty crappy reason to be damned to Hell for an eternity."**

"Hmm, a heaven and a hell." Ren muttered.

"Definitely a strange religion." Pyrrha commented.

Ren hummed, "Actually that's very common with religions."

**Sarge: "I don't remember dyin'"**

**Church: "Yeah, that's my fault too. I was... sort of possessing your body at the time that you were shot. Sorry about that."**

**Sarge: "Hold on a second, that ain't fair."**

**Church: "** _ **Not fair?**_ **Yeah, join the fricking club. I got shot by my own tank."**

"And Caboose." Jaune said chuckling.

**Sheila: "Target locked."**

"So even the machinery can be ghosts? Guess in this uni-show they can have feelings." Weiss quickly corrected.

"Woah! Weiss what were you about to say?" Ruby said.

"Nothing!"

"You were about to say universe!" Nora pointed out.

"It's only because you all keep talking about it! I meant to say show not universe." Weiss yelled.

"Sure you did Weiss." Yang said grinning.

**Church: "Oh ha ha, very funny Sheila. Shut up. You know I still haven't forgiven you. I didn't say you could talk to me yet. Go there and get, go, get, go for the base. Shoo, shoo!"**

**Sheila hangs turret in shame and drives off. Cut to Grif and Simmons over Sarge's body in the real world, the picture all wavy and stuff**

**Grif: "Sarge! Don't you give up on me soldier, do you hear me? I'm ordering you!"** **Back to Sarge in the Spirit World**

**Sarge: "Who is that? Who's there?"**

**Church: "Looks like your guys are trying to save you."**

**Grif: "(hitting Sarge in the chest with the butt end of his gun) You gotta breathe, man! You gotta pull through! Come on, Sarge!"**

Yang and Jaune laughed at that.

 **Sarge: "That is** _ **not**_ **the way you were trained to do that, Private!"**

**Church: "He can't hear you."**

**Simmons: "Grif, this isn't working. We have to try something else."**

**Church: "If he gives you mouth to mouth, I'm leaving."**

"Mouth to mouth for a bullet through the head?" Blake said confused.

**Simmons: "Maybe you should give him mouth to mouth."**

**Church: "I'm leaving."**

**Sarge: "I can't believe how hard they're trying to save me."**

**Church: "Why wouldn't they? I mean, my team didn't, but, why wouldn't yours?"**

**Sarge: "I thought they didn't like me."**

"Awee that's kinda sad." Nora said.

"why would they like him? He's a terrible leader." Weiss said.

"How _dare_ you!" Nora shouted in mock anger.

 **Church: "Aw, don't sell yourself short. I don't even** _ **know**_ **ya, and here I am about to guide you to Heaven for only five bucks."**

"How generous." Blake said sarcastically.

**Sarge: "Hold on, if you're an Angel, how come you ain't got no wings?"**

**Church: "Because nobody rang a bell, ah heh heh heh. Seriously, do you have the money or don't you?"**

"Another reference we don't understand." Yang grumbled out. "I like the show but I hate not understanding these."

**Sarge: "Oh I feel the worst about Grif. I always made fun of him. I never even told him, he was my son."**

"What!?" A few of them shouted.

"I bet that's why he's so mean to him." Pyrrha said. "Because he wants him to be better."

"That's not the only reason fathers are mean to their children." Weiss muttered. Blake noticed and gave Weiss a reassuring look.

**Church: "No way, the orange guy is your son?"**

**Sarge: "Naw, I just wanted to screw with him one last time. But now I'll never get that chance."**

"Oh" Pyrrha said a little disappointed.

**Grif: "He's breathing! We saved Sarge!"**

**Sarge: "I'm what?"**

**Church: "He's what?"**

**Sarge: "Well I'll be a monkey's... they saved me."**

"Huh." Weiss muttered.

**Church: "What? No, come back! We need to even the sides!"**

**Sarge: "Thanks for your help, wingless Angel fella! Will I remember any of this?"**

**Church: "Yes, but only if you give me two dollars!"**

"What good is money going to do him? He's dead." Weiss asked.

"Ghost food?" Nora muttered.

"What food would ghosts eat?" Ruby said.

"You two sound like my old drunk friends." Yang mumbled.

"Yang! You told me you didn't drink!" Ruby shouted angrily.

"Yeah? And I didn't, I was the DD with double D's." Yang said proudly.

Ruby sighed, very annoyed while Jaune blushed at the joke.

"You went to a party and didn't drink?" Blake asked skeptically.

"Yeah, come on you all know me. I want to have fun but I don't need an outside drug or inhibitor to have it." Yang explained.

"That's...very mature of you." Pyrrha praised.

"Thanks, although I do like going out to bars and nightclubs." Yang said happily.

**Sarge wakes up with Grif and Simmons back in the real world**

**Sarge: "(clears throat) What... what happened here?"**

**Simmons: "Sir, you got shot in the head, so we gave you CPR and saved you, sir."**

"Ugh, terrible medicine." Blake said.

"Who are you, the joke police?" Yang asked.

"You sound like Weiss." Nora said.

"Why are you calling me out? Weiss has been doing it the entire show." Blake said angrily standing up.

"Thanks for throwing me under the bus" Weiss said sarcastically. She stood up a second later.

"Everyone calm down, remember you're in our room." Jaune said. They stared at each other before sitting back down and grumbling to themselves.

**Sarge: "I always believed in you, Simmons."**

**Simmons: "Uh, actually, it's Grif you should thank sir. He did all the work."**

**Sarge: "Grif?"**

**Grif: "Yes sir."**

**Sarge: "Grif, why in Hell would you give somebody CPR for a bullet wound in the head!? That doesn't make a lick of sense."**

"How ungrateful." Pyrrha commented.

"He does have a point." Weiss said.

**Grif: "(sighs) You're welcome, sir."**

**Sarge: "I mean it's all so damn inconsistent. What would you do if they stabbed me in the toe, rub my neck with aloe vera?"**

"Whats that?" Ruby asked Weiss.

"Ugh! Nothing shows up for it, I'm guessing its some kind of cream." Weiss said angrily holding her scroll.

**Sarge: "Hey there Grif! I think I feel an aneurysm comin' on. Could you help me out with one of them therapeutic massages?"**

**The screen turned black.**

"Ok, I'm gonna go ahead and start the next one." Jaune said.


	16. S1E16 A slightly Crueller Cruller

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls.**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

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**Chapter 16- A slightly Crueler Cruller**

" **A slightly Crueler Cruller." Appeared on the screen.**

"Cruller?" Blake wondered.

"It's a kind of donut, Ren! Can you make me cruller again I haven't had it in years!" Nora asked.

"I made you donuts last week." Ren said. "That does remind me, we haven't seen donut since the grenade, we might be seeing him this episode."

"You're probably right." Pyrrha said.

**The scene opened to show Donut in pink armor talking to Grif and Simmons.**

"Yay, he's in a different color. Now we can tell Sarge and him apart." Ruby said.

"And its pink! I love pink." Nora said.

**Donut: "Dude, this is sweet! Command was so happy that I got the blue flag, they gave me my own color armor!"**

**Grif and Simmons look at each other**

**Grif: "Uh... hey Donut?"**

**Donut: "What?"**

**Simmons: "Um, about your armor..."**

**Donut: "What about it?"**

**Simmons: "How do I put this... Your armor is, um... It's a little, um... Grif, uh, you wanna help me out here?"**

**Grif: "It's pink. Your armor is fricking pink!"**

"Whats wrong with pink?" Nora asked looking around.

"We don't have a problem with it." Pyrrha said.

"They might though." Jaune said.

**Simmons: "Yeah, that's it. Pink."**

**Donut: "Pink, my armor's not pink."**

"Uh, yeah it is?" Nora said. "I'm not colorblind am I?"

"No, it's pink." Ren said.

**Grif: "** _**Pink** _ **."**

**Simmons: "Yeah, definitely pink."**

**Donut: "You guys are colorblind. Why would they give me pink armor?"**

**Grif: "Hey, donask, dontell."**

Yang burst out laughing.

"what?" Ruby asked.

"it's a joke about being gay in the army." Weiss explained annoyed.

"because it distracts soldiers or something but-" Yang couldn't finish she was laughing too hard.

"very offensive" Blake muttered.

Weiss grumbled, "The whole Don't ask Don't tell thing was never a rule either, just a joke with the soldiers."

**Simmons: "(over Grif's laughter) Heh, that's not funny."**

**Grif: "(laughs a little more) It's a little funny."**

**Donut: "Look at it, it's not pink. It's like uh... a lightish red."**

"That's the literal definition of pink." Nora pointed out.

**Grif: "Guess what: they already have a color for lightish red. You know what it's called?** _**Pink** _ **."**

"See? But why do they not like pink?" Nora said.

"I don't know, maybe because its a girly color." Jaune said.

"Pink is a manly color." Ren said touching the pink part of his hair.

**Donut: "I hate you guys."**

**Sarge: "(running up the ramp with Lopez in tow) Well hello,** _**dirtbags** _ **. ...and a fine hello to you, madam."**

"Wow, he can be polite." Weiss said over Yang's and Jaune's laughter.

**Donut: "It's** _**light red** _ **."**

**Sarge: "Don't get your panties in a wad there, Barbie. Do you have a package for me?"**

"Yay more references." Yang said sarcastically.

**Donut: "Yessir."**

**Sarge: "Excellent."**

**Donut: "(holding up a mechanical unit) They said this speech unit should work with Lopez."**

"Speech unit? Lopez?" Pyrrha said confused.

"Ohh, Lopez is a robot, that's why he never talked." Yang said.

"Robots can talk." Ruby muttered.

 **Grif: "** _ **Speech**_ **unit?"**

**Donut: "(handing the unit over to Sarge) Here you go."**

**Sarge: "Affirmative. Command was fresh out of speech modules when I first started building Lopez, but once I get this baby installed, I'll finally have someone intelligent to talk to. ...No offense, Simmons."**

"He built Lopez? That's impressive." Pyrrha said.

"It takes whole Atlas factories to make AK-130s" Weiss said.

"AK-130s?" Ruby asked.

"The original Atlesian Knights, before the AK-200's, the newer ones." Weiss said.

"I don't understand why they took out the swords from the Atlesian knights, or why they made them less bulky. They're way easier to fight than the originals." Blake said.

"How would you- oh, from your time in the White Fang." Weiss said. "Well, it costs way less to make them now. And they're more accurate and last longer, they're mainly meant for mid range combat."

"Hmm, makes sense." Blake said.

**Simmons: "Oh, don't worry, I know who you meant sir."**

**Grif: "Wait a second, Lopez is a robot?"**

**Simmons: "Of course he is. You didn't notice that he never talks?"**

**Grif: "I just thought he was a really quiet guy."**

**Sarge: "And the fact that he sleeps standing up and drinks motor oil didn't get your attention."**

"How could a teammate not know someones a robot? Wouldn't it be obvious." Weiss asked. "Especially with all that."

Ruby chuckled to herself, knowing that they had all met penny yet none knew she was a robot.

**Grif: "Well I, I did think the motor oil thing was a bit odd... Uh, I just thought he was trying to impress me."**

**Simmons: "Hey, sir. You really should ground yourself before handling that card."**

**Sarge: "How come?"**

**Simmons: "Because static could damage the card."**

"That's a myth." Jaune said. "Saphron explained it all to me."

**Sarge: "Come on. That's an urban legend they use to sell those stupid bracelets. And I suppose pop rocks and soda's gonna make my stomach blow up! (a visible electric surge as he inserts the card in Lopez) Yow!"**

**Simmons: "Sir. I won't say I told you so, sir."**

"But it is a myth?" Jaune said confused.

"It's just the show making a joke." Ren explained.

**Sarge: "Good. I'd hate to make Strawberry Shortcake here my new favorite Private."**

**Donut: "It's not pink, it's lightish red!"**

**Cut to Caboose and Tucker outside the blue base. Tucker's armor is clean**

**Caboose: (exhales) "Ah, man, uh, you know, this stuff does not come off easy?"**

**Tucker: "Yeah, this was a lot easier when we were cleaning just my armor."**

**Caboose: "Yeah, I know that, that's I think because you know uh,** _**you didn't do anything** _ **."**

**Tucker: "I'm sorry, what? It's kind of hard to hear you over the sound of your constant team-killing."**

"If I was Tucker I would take Cabooses gun from him." Pyrrha said.

"If I was Tucker I would shoot Caboose." Yang said.

Jaune and Ruby started laughing.

**Caboose: "Ah, ah, aaahhhh ha ha ha ha ah yeah, ah yeah aha, ahhhhhhhhhhhhh... Don't make me mad."**

**Back to the red base**

**Donut: "So, what** _ **happened**_ **to me anyway? I recall something about a spider on my head?"**

**Grif: "Right. That was a grenade."**

**Donut: "And the last thing I remember, is a loud bang, and then Simmons fainting..."**

**Grif: "Ha! Told you so!"**

**Simmons: "I did not faint."**

**Sarge: "Done and done. Lopez. Activate speech unit!"**

**Lopez: "Buenos días. Y la gracias da por activar mi función del discurso. Soy el número de modelo cero uno cero uno uno tres cuatro ocho ocho dos tres. Me llamo es Lopez."**

"Is that another language?" Ruby asked.

"Yeah, this pretty much confirms the different universe." Ren said.

"How? This could just be a really obscure language." Weiss said.

"Weiss, there hasn't been another language other than the one we are speaking right now for hundreds of years. If another language exists and is still being spoken, it would have to be from the most remote areas on remnant." Yang said.

"Why aren't there other languages on Remnant anyway?" Jaune asked.

"Ca- I mean prof- Doctor Oobleck explained it, the Grimm caused humanity and Faunus to band together early. Language barriers had to be dropped so everyone started learning and speaking the same language. Dialects exist but ever since then, no one had any good reason to make up a language." Pyrrha explained.

**Donut: "Am I the only one not understanding any of this?"**

**Lopez: "Me llamo es Lopez."**

"Hmm, he probably said my name is Lopez." Ren said writing in his notes.

**Grif: "Lopez, he just said Lopez! I understood that. I can speak Spanish!"**

"Spanish? Weiss look that up." Ren ordered while writing in his notebook.

After a few seconds Weiss groaned.

"Nothing! But that still doesn't prove anything. Maybe they made the language for the show!" Weiss said.

"Weiss, that's crazy who would make an entire language for a tv show?" Ruby asked.

"In some of my books languages have been made up." Blake said.

"But those are books." Ruby said.

"I hate to side with the Ice Queen and Kitty on this one but..in Game of Kings they made up multiple languages, and you can learn them." Yang said.

Weiss smiled and triumphantly.

**Sarge: "Lopez.** _**Speak, English** _ **."**

**Lopez: "Mi procesador Inglés tiene malfunctioned. Sé habla solamente español."**

**Simmons: "Huh, I think you shorted out his speech unit with that static, sir."**

**Sarge: "Maybe Princess Peach here picked up the wrong model."**

"Princess peach?" Nora muttered.

**Donut: "Seriously dude. For the last time. Not pink."**

"Pink." Everyone grumbled.

**Sarge: "Lopez. I order you to speak a language we understand."**

**Lopez: "Negativo."**

"Negative." Ren said.

**Sarge: "Well this is just dandy. Lopez. How, do, we, fix, your, speech, u, -nit?"**

**Grif: "Why are you talking so slow? He understands** _ **us**_ **just fine. Maybe you should try listening slower."**

"Listening slower? I hope he's being sarcastic." Blake muttered.

**Sarge: "Lopez, would you like to shoot Grif?"**

**Lopez: (raising his gun) "Sí señor. Gracias."**

"Si...could mean yes or affirmative." Ren said.

"Are you going to decipher this entire language?" Pyrrha asked.

"Ren is super smart!" Nora yelled happily.

**Grif: "No, stop! Uh, alto, alto!"**

**Simmons: "Alto means tall, you dumbass."**

Ren noted that.

**Grif: "Then why do they put it on stop signs?"**

**The screen faded to black.**

"Well that's the end of the episode, start the next one please. Ren asked.


	17. S1E17 Points of Origin

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

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**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

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**Chapter 17- Points of Origin**

" **Points of Origin" appeared on the screen.**

This time Nora, Ruby, and Yang hummed the theme.

**The scene opened to show Tex talking to the blues.**

**Tex: "As far as I'm concerned, I'm square with you."**

**Caboose and Tucker simultaneously turn to face Church, like a tennis match or something.**

**Church: "I saved you from a life of imprisonment. How the hell are you square with** _**me** _ **?"**

"She probably could have escaped on her own." Yang said.

"Yeah, those two are idiots." Blake said.

"They're all idiots." Weiss said.

**Caboose and Tucker simultaneously turn to Tex**

**Tex: "Because** _ **I**_ **didn't kill** _ **you**_ **back at Sidewinder."**

"Why did she kill everyone on sidewinder though?" Pyrrha wondered.

"She's a freelancer, they probably hired her to." Jaune explained.

**Caboose and Tucker simul... you get the idea**

**Church: "You know, I don't really see how not killing somebody is the same thing as doing them a favor."**

**Tex: "Well, if you don't appreciate it, I could just kill you right now."**

**Church: "(before Caboose and Tucker can turn to him) No you can't, I'm already dead, bitch! I guess the joke's on you!"**

"He's the dead one, I would say the joke's on him." Blake chuckled.

**Caboose: "Stop it! Stop fighting. Can't you see that you're tearing us apart? WHAT ABOUT US?"**

**Tex: "What** _ **about**_ **you?"**

**Caboose: "We helped you too. And what do we get? Nothing!"**

**Tex: "Well yeah, but..."**

**Church: "Yeah,** _**but nothin'** _ **. He's got a point."**

**Tex: "I did help them get the flag back."**

"I still don't see how the flag is that important." Nora said.

"Nora, if you had a flag for being queen of the castle would you want the flag destroyed?" Ren asked.

"Ohhhhhh now I get it." Nora said.

**Tucker: "Yeah, but you were paid to do that. We rescued you as a favor. We could have just let you rot in the red army prison, it wouldn't have made any difference to us."**

**Tex: "Fine, I'll stay here as long as it takes to help you guys win this thing. As soon as I have, I'm outta here. What do you need me to do?"**

"It shouldn't take long to win against them. They have a guy who can possess them, a girl who can kill an entire team, and a tank." Blake pointed out.

**Tucker: "I have no idea. If you knew how to fix a tank, I would have you do that."**

**Tex: "okay."**

**Caboose: "Wait, you know how to fix Sheila? ...I love you."**

"Caboose seems really attached to that tank." Weiss said.

"He's not the only one." Blake said looking at Ruby.

**Cut to the red base**

**Lopez: "Entonces la décias "tu nos pesos más, yo peso más." Entonces pusieron los de nuestros cuerpos sobre la escala y fue determinado quién tenía el peso más grande. Después de eso me llamarían Lopez la Pesado."**

**[** _**so I told him "you do not weigh more, I weigh more." Then we put our bodies on the scale and determined that I had the greatest weight. After that they called me "Lopez the heavy"]{the subtitles are not there this is the translation for you all-CeruleanLancer}** _

"If only I knew how to spell of this stuff." Ren said furiously jotting down everything Lopez said as fast as he could.

**Grif: "Man. First he doesn't talk at all, and now we can't get him to shut up. What's he saying?"**

**Simmons: "What're you asking me for?"**

**Grif: "Well you know, because you're of uh, a** _**Latino persuasion** _ **."**

"Latino?" Ren muttered.

**Simmons: "Simmons isn't a Spanish name, you dumbass. I'm Dutch Irish."**

"Hmm, so Latino is a race, that speaks spanish. Dutch Irish is something else." Ren said to himself.

**Grif: "But I thought-"**

**Simmons: "What."**

**Grif: "Eh, never mind."**

**Donut: "I'm from Iowa."**

"Iowa..." Ren says.

**Grif and Simmons: "** _**Nobody cares!"** _

**Cut to Tucker and Caboose sneaking up on Sheila.**

**Church: "Okay, take it easy guys, when I was over at the red base, I saw that they've already got their jeep fixed. So whatever you do, don't let 'em see us before we get Sheila back online."**

**Caboose: "Okay, okay. Even if we get Sheila fixed, how are we going to turn her over, I mean it's not as if we could just lift!"**

**In the background, Tex flips Sheila back over**

"Wow she's strong." Yang muttered.

**Caboose: "Oh. She is a very strong lady."**

Yang grinned.

**Church: "I'm the one that's the least visible, so I'm gonna head up here to higher ground, I'll keep an eye on the red base. If I see anything, I'll let you know."**

**Caboose: "Great, I'll come with you!"**

**Church: "That kinda defeats the purpose, Caboose."**

**Caboose: "Okay. What if I'm really... (quieter) really... (whispering) quiet?"**

"It's like Caboose is Ruby whenever I try to be stealthy." Blake said.

"Or Nora when I try to be stealthy." Ren said.

Said girls were both quite offended.

"What!? Ren I am very stealthy."

"But I am really really quiet!"

**Church: "Do you even understand what the term 'visibility' means?"**

**Caboose: "Ah hah hah, uhh... good one Church."**

**Church: "Seriously. You don't know what it means, do you."**

**Caboose: "Uh no."**

**Church: "Caboose, just stay here man, and try not to swallow your tongue or anything like that."**

**Tucker: "Just watch the red base, and tell us if you see any movement."**

**Tucker runs up to Tex, welding on the tank**

**Tucker: "So, I suppose if you're helping us, you're not as mean as I thought."**

**Tex: "I wouldn't say I'm mean, I just get hired to do mean things."**

"That's mean." Ruby said.

**Tucker: "Yeah, but you like it."**

**Tex: "Well I think it's important to enjoy what you do."**

"That's true though." Pyrrha said.

"I love being a huntress!" Yang yelled.

"We're still students." Weiss pointed out.

"Well you can love being a student while I love being a huntress." Yang shot back.

**Tucker: "So let's say I payed you to kill Caboose." The scene cuts to show Caboose looking at Blue base instead of Red base like he was supposed to.**

Weiss grinned at that, no one else got the joke but her.

**Tucker: "You would still do it, right? Even though you're supposed to be helping us?"**

**Tex: "Is this a hypothetical discussion, or should we start talking numbers?"**

**Tucker: "Yeah, I don't wanna talk about this any more."**

**Church is up on the ledge where he got blown up**

**Church: "Hey Tucker!"**

**Tucker: "What!?"**

**Church: "What the hell is my body still doing up here?"**

"They didn't bury him? That's mean." Nora said.

**Tucker: "That's part of being dead,**

**Church. Your body doesn't really move around much any more. Maybe you haven't fully grasped the concept yet."**

**Church: "Alright, well let me rephrase that then. Why in the hell haven't you buried my body yet?"**

**Tucker: "Buried? With what? All we have are pistols and rifles. What do you want me to do, shoot you a grave?"**

"How do they not have standard military materials?" Weiss said surprised.

**Church: "Well then how about shipping me back home. You know, let the loved ones pay a little respect."**

**Tucker: "Well Church, here's your girlfriend. Tex, as one of Church's loved ones, would you like to pay your respects?"**

**Tex turns around and starts working on the tank again**

**Tucker: "That was a stirring eulogy. Rest in peace, good buddy!"**

**The screen cut to black.**

Yang, Ruby, Jaune, Pyrrha, and Nora laughed at that.

"I'm really starting to like this show, I like the sense of humor." Pyrrha said.

"Lets start the next episode, episode 18 is next right?" Yang asked.

"Yep, lets start it." Jaune said.


	18. S1E18 SPF 0

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

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**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

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**Chapter 18- SPF 0**

" **SPF 0" appeared on the screen.**

"Is that a sunscreen ref- guys I can't hear myself talk over the sound of your humming." Jaune said slightly annoyed.

"What?" Yang asked offended.

"Its catchy." Ruby said.

"I like it." Nora said.

"I- I like it too, I wonder if I can learn to play it." Jaune said grabbing his guitar.

"Not now lover boy, play the episode." Yang said.

Jaune blushed but complied.

**The scene opened to show Church Tucker and Caboose standing over Church's dead body.**

**Church: "I am not happy about this."**

**Caboose: "I have an idea. ... ...** _**I have an idea!"** _

**Tucker: "Yeah, we heard you the first time, Caboose, we were just ignoring you."**

**Caboose: "Since you possessed that** _ **red**_ **guy, and took control of** _ **him**_ **, why don't you just possess your own body?"**

"Yeah! Why doesn't he just do that?" Ruby said confused.

**Church: "Oh I see, so that way I would be living inside of my own dead body."**

"Oh, gross." Ruby said. Yang laughed.

**Caboose: "Yes."**

**Church: "Unable to move, just, laying there, rotting in the sun for all eternity."**

**Caboose: "** _**Yes** _ **."**

**Church: "Okay Caboose, I'll be sure to get right on that."**

**Caboose: "I think you are a mean ghost."**

**Tucker: "Dude, you really stink."**

**Church: "What?"**

**Tucker: "Your** _**body** _ **, it stinks."**

"That's why you bury it, or cremate it." Weiss said.

**Church: "Tucker, the first chance we get, you are going to bury my body."**

**Tucker: "Quit your bitching, nothing's going to happen to it."**

**Church: "** _ **It's a freaking indignity!**_ **My body fought hard for this army, and it deserves to be laid to rest."**

"He has terrible friends." Ruby said.

"I don't think they are friends." Ren said.

**Tucker: "Get over it, you're already dead. What's the worst that could happen now?"**

**Caboose: "Hey, Church, look, birds! Why are they flying around in circles?"**

"Vultures, wow." Jaune said. "How are they gonna eat him through all that armor?"

"Maybe the tank blew pieces off." Ren suggested.

"Gross." Nora grimaced.

**Church:(sigh), "God."**

**Cut to Grif and Simmons on the red base**

**Grif: "Okay, I'll go again. I spy something, that begins with..."**

**Simmons: "Dirt."**

**Grif: "Damn! How did you-"**

**Simmons: "Well, because you did rock last time. That's all that's out here, is rock and dirt."**

"What about the dead plants and bases?" Ruby asked.

"That's not much else." Weiss pointed out.

**Grif: "Yeah, this canyon sucks."**

**Back to the blues overlooking Tex working on the tank. Caboose is holding the sniper rifle**

**Church: "How long do you figure until Tex fixes the tank?"**

**Tucker: "Not much longer, she said it's going pretty well. The gun's almost working, and then she'll get it moving again."**

**Church: "Oh, that's just fan** _**tas** _ **tic."**

**Tucker: "Why would that upset you?"**

**Church: "Because as soon as she gets the tank online, she's gonna use it against the reds, and they're all gonna die."**

**Tucker: "The reds dying is a good thing."**

**Church: "No Tucker, it's** _ **not**_ **a good thing. As soon as we beat the reds, Tex is outta here. And I still haven't figured out a way to get that A.I. out of her head."**

"It's good that they're going for a kind of serious plot here." Weiss said.

"What do you mean?" Yang asked.

"Getting the A.I out of Tex's head." Pyrrha answered for Weiss.

"Church did say it made her meaner and tougher." Ren said.

**Caboose: "** _**A.I."** _

**Church: "Shut up, Caboose. And if I don't get it out before she leaves..."**

**Tucker: "If she leaves you won't ever find her again."**

**Church: "Right."**

**Tucker: "So what're you gonna do?"**

**Church: "I guess I'm gonna do the only thing that I** _ **can**_ **do. I have to warn the reds before she fixes the tank."**

**Tucker: "You're switching sides?"**

"Traitor." Nora mumbled.

**Church: "Sorry guys. I don't have much choice."**

**Caboose: "Church, uh, wha, what happens when the reds out here, to stop Tex, and then they come also with guns and they find us?"**

"Has he ever been to school?" Weiss said annoyed. "It hurts my brain when he talks."

"I feel my brain cells committing suicide one by one." Blake said.

"You two are mean." Jaune said.

**Church: "I'll try to help you as best I can. Good luck guys."**

**Church fades away**

**Caboose: "Does this mean I should try to kill Church now?"**

"I wonder how many times he will kill or try to kill church." Jaune said.

"I have extra notes if you want to start a tally." Ren said.

"Ok sure." Jaune said grabbing a paper and drawing two lines.

**Tucker:"I tell you what. Kill me. I promise not to come back."**

**Caboose: "Hey! Look at** _ **this!**_ **(focusing on Donut)"**

**Tucker: "No."**

**Caboose: "They have, a girl. They have a girl!"**

**Tucker: "A what?"**

**Caboose: "** _**A girl, a girl! Look, pink armor!"** _

"So what?" Blake asked. "What about tex?"

"Tex is scary to guys." Jaune said.

"What? You afraid of a masculine Girl?" Yang teased.

"No I'm afraid of a girl who would cut off certain body parts if I made her angry." Jaune explained.

**Tucker: "Oh man, how come they get a girl?"**

**Tex: "(from below them) Uh, you guys realize that I'm a chick, right? And that I'm standin' right here?"**

**Tucker: "Yeah Tex, but when we say a girl, we mean a girl girl."**

"Ugh, I can't stand girly girls." Ruby said.

"Girly girl?" Weiss asked.

"Girls that are all high and mighty and can't lift a finger to do anything." Ruby said.

"Too afraid to get dirty, always starting drama." Yang added.

"Mean to every single guy they meet." Jaune continued.

"Now you all are just describing a bitch." Nora said.

"Nora! Rude." Ren scolded.

"What?" Nora asked confused.

**Tex: "And what the hell does that mean?"**

**Caboose and Tucker: "nothing (backing up from the edge of their ledge)"**

**Tucker: "Wait a second. If Tex heard that, do you think she heard Church's secret plan to warn the reds about her?"**

"Wow, I didn't even notice that." Blake said.

**Caboose: "I don't know... but I think I know how to find out."**

"Oh no..." Blake muttered.

**Caboose steps back up to the edge of their ledge, looking down at Tex**

**Caboose: "Hey... Tex! Uh... Did you hear Church's secret plan to tell the reds that you were fixing the tank?"**

"Wow..." Pyrrha chuckled, "Caboose is so innocent but not very bright."

**Tex turns back to the tank, then Caboose backs up to join Tucker**

**Caboose: "I don't think she knows. ...Unless she can read minds... She can't read minds, can she? ...Can you hear what I'm thinking?"**

**The screen fades to black.**

"Next one." Nora ordered.


	19. S1E19 Last One Out, Hit the Lights

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

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**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

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**Chapter 19- Last one out, Hit the Lights**

" **Last one out, hit the lights." Appeared on the screen. The intro music played and the scene opened up to show Grif and Simmons on top of Red base just like episode one.**

Jaune, Ruby, Yang, and Nora hummed the theme.

**Simmons: "Hey."**

**Grif: "Yeah?"**

**Simmons: "You ever wonder why we're here?"**

"It's a callback to episode one." Jaune pointed out.

"Does that mean this is the season finale?" Ruby asked.

"Maybe." Ren said.

 **Grif: "No. I never,** _ **ever**_ **wonder why we're here. Semper Fi, bitch."**

**Lopez: "Keegakergerk!"**

"Oh, Church just possessed Lopez." Pyrrha pointed out.

"Annnd he can only speak Spanish." Jaune pointed out, already seeing the joke before it came.

A few of them chuckled.

**Simmons: "What? What's wrong with Lopez?"**

**Grif: "I don't care."**

**Simmons: "Hey, Lopez, uh... you okay man?"**

**Church as Lopez: "Aye, muchachos, necesité darle... un aviso..."**

**Caption: guys. I need to give... you a... warning...**

"Subtitles! Yes!" Ren said happily writing down everything.

"Now we can understand what he's saying." Blake said.

**Church: "¿Qué? ¿Por qué estoy el hablar en español? ¡Yo no puedo hablar español!"**

**Caption: What? Why am I speaking Spanish? I don't know Spanish!**

**Simmons: "Um... Sure..."**

**Church: "No, no, escucha mé! ¡La bruja teva a matar!"**

**Caption: No, listen to me! The mean woman is going to kill you!**

Yang and Blake chuckled.

**Church: "¡Ella está travajando en la tanque!"**

**Caption: She is fixing the tank!**

**Cut to Tucker overlooking Tex, workin on the tank**

**Tucker: "Aw, crap. Caboose, she's almost done fixing Sheila. I better radio Church and tell him what's going on."**

**Caboose: "Oh, oh, oh, Tucker please, Tucker, Tucker, Tucker, Tucker, Tucker, please-"**

"Caboose is sounding more and more like Ruby every episode." Yang said.

"Shut up! I'm not stupid!" Ruby said.

"No but you are a child." Yang said giving Ruby a noogie.

"Stop acting like Uncle Qrow!" Ruby yelled.

"Hey, not my fault he taught me how to annoy my little sister." Yang said smiling.

**Tucker: "Yes, you can be the one who radios Church."**

**Caboose: "Thanks man. (turns on radio) Calling Church. Come in Church. This is your close, personal friend, Private O'Malley."**

"What? Is that his last name?" Pyrrha asked. "Sorry I might have missed it.

"No, that's a first." Ren explained.

"What?" Pyrrha asked.

"His last name hasn't been mentioned before." Ren explained.

**Tucker: "O'Malley? You said your name was Caboose."**

**Caboose: "I never said that, you guys did!"**

**Tucker: "Why didn't you correct us?"**

**Caboose: "Because I didn't want to be difficult. (turns on radio... again) Come in Private Church. Do you copy. Soldier unit Tex almost has the armor vehicle situation rectified. Okay. We require verification of your... mission...ness. (clears throat) How is your progression?"**

"He really needs a lesson on military talk, also private church? I thought he was the leader." Weiss said confused.

"Hmm maybe it was just a mistake?" Blake suggested.

"Maybe." Ren said.

**Church: "(over radio) ¡Caboose! ¡Nadie aquí está escuchando mí!"**

**Caption: Caboose! No one here is listening to me!**

**Church: "No mas puedo hablar español!"**

**Caption: I can only speak Spanish for some reason!**

**Caboose: "...He says he wants to talk to you."**

**Sheila: "Thank you for activating the M808V Main Battle Tank."**

"Oohh she finished." Ruby said.

**Tucker: "Oh shit. We got trouble.**

**Back to the red base"**

**Church: "Un tanque...** _**grrrande** _ **."**

"Why not subtitles?" Ruby asked.

"Maybe because it's obvious it means Big Tank." Ren said calmly.

"Well, obvious to you." Ruby mumbled, blushing.

**Grif: "Hey. I think if you're gonna live in this country, you should speak the language."**

**Sheila: (distant in the background) "Target locked."**

**Simmons: "What country? We're on an alien planet."**

"I thought they were on the big ring." Nora said.

"They are, in the background you can sometimes see it." Ren explained.

"Yeah what is that thing anyway." Ruby asked.

"The show hasn't said anything about it yet." Ren said.

**Grif: "What're you, a Communist?"**

"More stuff we don't know, you gonna bother looking that up Weiss?" Blake asked.

"Ugh...no. I still don't think it's from another universe but I now know their references don't relate to anything we know." Weiss said.

**Sheila fires, hitting the side of the red base**

**Grif: "Son of a bitch!"**

**Simmons: "Son of a bitch!"**

**Church: "MADRE DE DIOS!"**

**{actually means mother of God-Gus sucked at translating}**

**Caption: SON OF A BITCH!**

"I wonder if the subtitles are correct." Ruby said.

"Why wouldn't they be?" Ren asked.

"Well, I don't know. Maybe uhhh...never mind." Ruby said blushing.

**Back to Tucker, and Caboose looking through the rifle. Tank firing sounds in the background**

**Tucker: "Okay, I'm getting really sick of asking people what's going on through that sniper rifle."**

"With helmets like that, shouldn't they be able to zoom in like binoculars." Ruby said.

"Atlas helmets have that feature." Weiss added.

**Caboose: "Church is getting mad at us."**

**Tucker: "Ohhhhh. Well that's a nice change of pace."**

**Cut to Sarge getting in the Warthog, and driving it**

**Sarge: "Simmons. I'm coming around in the Warthog. Get ready to take the gunner position when I come by."**

**Simmons: "Roger that."**

**Grif: "I'll uh... I'll stay here."**

**Simmons: "Yeah. Stay here, and guard this cement ramp. It's** _ **vital**_ **to our success."**

**Sarge skids near the base, Simmons hops on, and they take off**

**Simmons: "Alright, I'm on board."**

**Sarge: "Alright, here's the plan-"**

**The tank blows up the jeep... again**

Everyone burst out laughing, including light laughter from Ren, Blake, and Weiss.

**Sarge: "JUNEBUG!"**

**Cut to Grif, watching Sarge and Simmons come up the ramp**

**Grif: "Wow, back so soon? You guys win the war already?"**

Yang still couldn't catch her breath from laughing.

**Simmons: "Yeah, uh, did you want to finish telling me the plan** _**now** _ **, Sarge?"**

**Sarge: "If we survive this, I'm gonna kill both of ya.** _**Slowly** _ **."**

**Grif: "(kneeling down next to Simmons) Uh, hey Simmons? By the way. The ramp is secure."**

"Yeah that voice is definitely jeffrey, a guy from AcheiveMen." Ruby said.

"Yeah I hear it too." Jaune said.

**A brief shot of Sheila**

**Sheila: "Target locked. (fires)"**

**Donut: "(coming up from inside the base) Hey, what're you guys doin' up here!?"**

**Grif: "That chick in the black armor's back!"**

**Donut: "What chick, the one that stuck the grenade to my head?"**

**Simmons: "That's the one."**

**Donut: "The same chick whose fault it is that I'm stuck in this light red armor?"**

**Grif: "Donut, I understand the need to safeguard your masculinity, but really dude. It's a** _ **whole**_ **lot faster just to say pink."**

"Ugh, I know how Donut feels, I tried using the same argument against my sisters." Jaune said.

"They made fun of you for wearing pink?" Pyrrha asked.

"Yeah, good times." Jaune said chuckling.

**Donut: "Ohhuw. Oh I been waiting for this. (runs up to the edge of the base and yells) Hey Bitch! Remember me!? I saved something for ya!"**

**Donut throws a grenade. Various camera angles follow it on its long journey through the sky, and everyone in the Gulch watching it go, finally settling on Tucker and Caboose**

"Wow, he's almost as good as Nora with grenades." Ren said.

"Aweee" Nora said before hugging Ren who smile.

**Tucker: "Man, that girl's got a really good arm."**

**The grenade lands right in Tex's lap, inside the tank**

**Tex: "Aw crap!"**

**Back to Donut at the edge of the red base**

**Donut: "Hell yeah! Three points, you dirty whore! (dirty whore echoes at least twice in the Gulch before the tank finally explodes)"**

**Church: "Dios mío, no! (runs out of the base toward Tex) ¡Tejas, Tejas!"**

**Grif: "Uh... where's Lopez going?"**

**Sarge: "To fight the enemy, head on, in hand to hand combat. Mano e mano. What a brave little compadre. Lopez, I never understood a word you said. But I do know one thing. You hated Grif, and that's the most important thing there is. Adios, amigo... Adios."**

"Is he speaking some spanish?" Yang asked.

Ren looked in his notes quickly. "Yes those words seem to relate to the others."

"What?" Yang asked.

"Nevermind, it makes sense in my head." Ren said.

**Simmons: "Shouldn't we help him?"**

**Sarge: "Naw... That would just ruin the moment."**

**Cut to Church looking down at Tex**

**Tex: "Church, is that you? It, it's gone, Church. The A.I., it's gone. Thank you. Hrrrrrk bleah..."**

"So is that just their death noise?" Weiss asked.

"Every time a character has died so far they have done that." Ren said.

"Man, that would really ruin serious death scenes." Yang said.

"That _was_ a serious death scene." Blake pointed out.

"That's her point, it made it seem not serious." Jaune said.

"Then she might come back as a ghost." Pyrrha said.

**Cut to Tucker and Caboose on the ledge**

**Tucker: "Crap. Church is gonna be pissed, and now he's got a body to kick our ass. Come on Caboose, let's get back to base."**

"Guess he's keeping Lopez's body." Yang commented.

**Caboose: "I told you, my name isn't Caboose... (in a deep voice) My name... is... O'Malley.."**

...

...

"Woah, cliffhanger." Yang said.

"Why did his voice get so deep?" Ruby asked.

"Wait...Tex said her AI was gone...it moved to Caboose! O'Malley is Tex's AI!" Ren said excited.

"Wait what? How can an AI jump from person to person?" Weiss asked.

"I- I don't know. But- is that the end?" Ren asked.

"Unpause it jaune." Pyrrha ordered.

**The screen was black for a second before in big block letters it said.**

" **Red vs Blue season 1"**

" **The Blood Gulch Chronicles"**

**Then the screen started panning down...to blurred out credits as "Vale Deah" started playing.**

"What! We get to listen to a song but we don't get to see the credits!" Yang said angrily.

"And the song isn't even that good!" Nora said.

"I kind of like it." Weiss said.

"Can anyone make out the letters?" Pyrrha asked.

Everyone tried but couldn't.

"Well, that was season 1" Jaune said. "What did you all think?"

"What did you think Jaune?" Pyrrha asked.

"Well, I liked it, I think I only became interested because of you know...how we got the show but, it was good. The humor was great and really funny. I liked all the callbacks." Jaune said. "What did you think Pyrrha?"

"I don't know. I just liked watching it with all of you. It wasn't good at the start but there were some funny moments." Pyrrha said. "What about you Weiss? You hated it."

"Well, yeah. It was immature and stupid. It looks terrible had bad audio almost the whole way through and wasn't that funny. I did like some moments but...overall it wasn't that good. I did like some of the military jokes, it reminded me of Winter. But I hated most of all how death didn't matter." Weiss said. "Blake?"

"It was immature like you said, and very offensive. It had some dark themes but it's not really my kind of show. Didn't have my kind of humor in it. I also didn't like how there was only one female character." Blake said. "What about you Ren?"

"Its interesting. The references, the other language, its like watching an entirely other cultures show. It's fascinating and not cliche full like other shows." Ren explained. "Nora?"

"It was awesome! I thought it was funny how they just stood around talking and the way they moved their heads was funny." Nora said happily. "Yang?"

"It was really really funny, the jokes were crazy! I never thought jokes like that would ever be allowed on TV here. Also Church sounding like dad was insane. But overall, the funniest show I've seen in a long long time." Yang said. "Ruby?"

"Its. In. A. Videogame! It's soooo coool! The weapons, the armor, the vehicles are awesome! Dad is in the show! Doctor Oobleck! And a guy from Achievemen! It was funny and amazing to see how they made a show out of a video game!" Ruby said.

"I also liked how towards the end they started getting a little serious." Yang added.

"Who was your favorite character?" Ruby asked. "I liked Church!"

"That's only because he sounds like your dad." Weiss pointed out. "I don't know...I didn't like any of them that much. I guess Simmons."

"I like Church the most too, but not because he sounds like Dad. He's sarcastic and funny." Yang said.

"Mine has to be Tex." Pyrrha said.

"Oh! Can I change my answer?" Yang asked.

"Uh...I guess." Ruby said.

"I liked Simmons too." Ren said.

"I liked Tucker, he seems over confident like how I used to be." Jaune said.

"I liked Sarge! Now that's a real leader." Nora said. "No offense Jaune, You're a great leader." Nora added honestly

"No. He was terrible." Weiss said.

"I didn't like any of them. But I guess Simmons because he seems smart." Blake said.

"What team is your favorite?" Yang asked. "Mine's Blue."

"Blue team." Ruby said.

"Red team." Pyrrha said.

"Blue." Nora said.

"Re-" Ren started to say until Nora glared at him.

"Blue team I guess." Ren answered.

"Yay! Team RYN is now team RRYN with an extra R!" Ruby shouted.

"Red team." Jaune said.

"Neither." Weiss said.

"Oh come on Weiss, which team do you hate the least?" Ruby asked.

"Blue team." Weiss said.

"Yay! Blue team majority!" Yang yelled.

"Blue team too I guess, I like how they have a ghost on their team." Blake said.

"Wow, so me and Pyrrha are alone with Red team. _Ren._ " Jaune said looking at Ren threateningly.

"Go team...RRYNBW RainBow!" Ruby said happily.

"Uh go team...uhhh JP I guess." Jaune said. Pyrrha high fived Jaune.

"So...season 2?" Jaune asked.

"No, it's late and I'm tired." Weiss said.

"I hate to agree with Ice Queen but yeah, we need to sleep." Yang said.

"We can watch the show tomorrow if you all are free." Blake said.

"Sure." Jaune said.

"Ok, team RWBY! Lets go to sleep!" Ruby shouted leading her team to their dorm.

"Ok. Goodnight everyone." Jaune shouted.


	20. S2E20 Everything Old is New Again

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

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**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 20- Everything Old is New Again**

"Get that Mutt away from me!" Snarled Blake who was currently hiding on top of Ruby's bunk.

"Mutt? How could you call Zwei a mutt? He's the cutest thing ever!" Weiss yelled.

"He slobbered all over my books!" Blake yelled back.

"Oh please, his slobber probably made your books cleaner." Yang said.

Blake glared at the smirking blonde with killing intent.

"Where's Ruby, this is her monster so it should be her problem not mine!" Blake yelled.

"Arf!"

"Shut up!"

"Calm down Blake, Jesus." Yang said testing out the curse word she learned from Red vs Blue season one, it came out very awkwardly.

"Why am I surprised that the one thing you took away from that awful show was its curse words." Weiss said sarcastically.

"Well to answer your question Blake." Yang said ignoring Weiss's question. "Ruby is in the school armory with Nora, something about sticky grenades."

"I thought she would be with Coco." Weiss said calmly.

"Wait! You're mad at me for saying curse words from the show but Ruby goes off to make _bombs!_ and its totally fine?" Yang yelled.

The three continued to yell at each other while Zwei the little demon dog he is continued to eat Blakes books.

**Team JNPR's Room at the same moment.**

"Nora...please, we can test the grenades later." Jaune said holding his hands up. "Ren help me out here."

"Nora...No pancakes for a week if you detonate that grenade in here." Ren said cautiously.

"But me and Ruby worked so hard on it! Besides this is just a prototype." Nora said.

"So don't detonate it here! Where's Ruby?" Jaune asked.

Nora sighed and out the grenade away. "She's trying to find Coco, she wants to show Coco the turret."

"Did she take a picture?" Jaune asked.

"No, why do you think its taken so long to get everyone and start the next season? She's getting Coco to watch it." Nora explained.

"Speaking of which." Pyrrha said. "Can we go ahead and get the rest of team RWBY in here? I'm excited to watch the next season."

"You know, if you want to hang out we don't have to watch the show. I know you don't like it but-" Jaune started.

"No I kind of like it, lets get Team RWBY." Pyrrha said.

Jaune smiled and got up.

A few minutes later everyone but Ruby and Coco were sitting in team JNPR's room with the show loaded up. The door opened a few minutes later.

"Hey..." Ruby said sadly.

"Whats wrong Ruby?" Yang asked.

"Coco couldn't come she's out shopping with Velvet. She said she's interested but has no time to watch a show. But Velvet did give me one of her camera's so I can take pictures." Ruby said holding up Velvet's camera.

"Oh, well ok we can just watch the show alone." Yang said as Ruby sat down next to her. "Jaune, can you start the episode?"

" **Red Vs Blue Season 2" appeared on the screen before the intro music started playing.**

"Oh this again huh." Weiss muttered.

**The intro played like usual except this time when it showed Red team Donut was pink.**

"Oh look the intro changed." Pyrrha pointed out.

"Yeah Donut is pink!" Nora yelled.

"I think you mean Lightish Red." Weiss muttered sarcastically.

**The intro continued to play.**

Ruby and Nora hummed along to the theme and Ruby seemed to be trying to remember the words.

**The intro played as usual except this time when the camera showed Blue Command he was named Vic.**

"That guys name is Vic?" Nora asked.

"Wonder why he is in Grey in the intro but is Yellow in the show." Blake said.

"Hmm, dunno." Yang said.

**After that the intro played with nothing different. When it ended "Everything Old is New Again" appeared on the screen.**

**Doc: "Come in Blue Command, come in."**

"Ohh new character." Yang muttered.

**Camera fades out to black, then in on a panning view to the right over Blood Gulch**

**Doc: "This is Medical Officer DuFresne. I have reached Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha, do you read?"**

"Medical officer? Wonder why they need him." Nora asked.

"Tex?" Pyrrha guessed.

**Camera fades out to black, then in on a daylight view of the moon, slowly panning down**

**Vic: "(the audio equivalent of pixilated) Yes dude, hello, can you read me, hello, check one, check two."**

**Doc: "Say again, Blue Command. I do not read."**

**Vic: "(still pixilated audio effect) Check two. Is this thing on? Hello, hello."**

**Camera continues to pan down, revealing DuFresne, in purple armor**

**Doc: "Blue Command. Please boost your transmission to match communication protocol, Echo, Bravo, -"**

**Vic: (bouncy happy music in background from here on out) "Yo I hear you, calm down dude, what's going on? Hello, yo, can you hear me, hello."**

"Is this a new guy? That's definitely not the same guy from Blue Command." Nora said. "Right?"

"No, he is way more annoying." Weiss said.

**Doc: "Uh, roger that Command."**

**Vic: "Sorry 'bout that, I was in the elevator, this thing doesn't work so well in there.** _**What's going on dude?"** _

**Doc: "Roger tha... uh... is this Blue Command?"**

"Didn't he call them?" Nora asked.

"Yes." Ren replied.

**Vic: "Oh yeah, man, sure, totally! What's goin' on?"**

**Doc: "You're sure, the Blue Command base."**

**Vic: "Hey dude.** _**Take it easy** _ **. You called me, I didn't call you."**

**Doc: "Naw, I know, it's just..."**

**Vic: "It's just** _**what, dude?"** _

**Doc: "Never mind. I'm just letting you know that I've reached Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha. I'm gonna make contact with the Blue Squad members."**

**Vic: "Blood Gulch, huh? Alright, let me look here, let me see what it says... Blood Gulch, bleu bleaou bee ehl, bluoea here we go, Blood Gulch, okay. Says here, you wanna make contact with Private Tucker, ask him about their wounded, dude."**

"He kind of sounds like dad but with a higher pitched voice." Yang commented.

"Yeah...same voice actor?" Ruby asked. "Do you think the dad from the other dimension or whatever is doing two voices?"

"Maybe, dad always did like the sound of his own voice, what was that podcast he wanted to do with Qrow? The Drunk Tank?" Yang asked.

"Yeah, but then he got a mission or something." Ruby said laughing. "Wounded dude? Church?"

"What about Tex?" Jaune asked.

"He said dude." Blake said.

"Well, he's a little late for both." Pyrrha said to some laughter.

**Doc: "Roger that, any other orders?"**

**Vic: "Anything else, yeah okay, yeah, it says here whatever you do don't- oh. Okay never mind dude, I'm not supposed to read you that part, okay, just uh... you'll be okay, just uh be very careful. That's all."**

"Suspicious." Ren muttered.

**Doc: "Great."**

**Vic: "Alright then. Well it's out goal here at Blue Base to provide excellent customer service, and I hope that I have done that today. Uh, if you have any further questions about this radio transmission, you can just um, you know call back, say "Dude, I've got some questions, what's goin' on." Over and out."**

**Doc: "Okay... Private Tucker..."**

**Cut to the blue guys on the blue base... funny how that works**

**Tucker: "Hey Church, we have a problem."**

**Church in Lopez but cobalt again: "I am not your mother, so don't come tattling to me every time one of you does something that the other one doesn't like."**

"How did he get a new body? I thought he died?" Nora said.

"Have you not been paying attention?" Yang asked.

"Church is in the robot Lopez's body, they probably painted him and fixed the voice." Ren answered.

**Tucker: "I'm telling you, he's crazy. He keeps threatening me, and talking in a scary voice."**

**Caboose: "No I didn't."**

**Tucker: "Oh, so you're saying you** _ **didn't**_ **threaten to cut off my head and give it to Church as a birthday present?"**

"Woah, O'Malley is affecting him." Yang said.

**Caboose: "You know, I think you're taking my words a little out of context."**

**Tucker: "What? What context?"**

**Doc is running up behind Church**

**Church: "Listen guys, this competition thing has got to stop, okay? I thought we'd established by now..."**

**Doc: "Excuse me."**

**Church: "Hey pal? One second, okay? I'm in the middle of something here. Ah lo-Look, I thought we'd established by now, I don't like either of you, okay? So competing for my attention, is not gonna do ya any good."**

**Doc: "Excuse me."**

**Church: "Okay. Yes. Hello. Who're you?"**

**Caboose "(scary voice - this is O'Malley): Don't ever be alone."**

"Woah." Ruby muttered.

 **Tucker: "He's doing that** _ **thing**_ **again..."**

**Doc: "My name's DuFresne... uh, are you Private Tucker?"**

**Church: "No, I am not Private Tucker. My name is Church.** _ **This**_ **is Private** **Tucker."**

**Tucker: "Yo!"**

**Church: "And our friend over there in regulation blue? That's Caboose. Or, O'Malley, or whatever the hell he's callin' himself."**

**Caboose: "Why did you introduce me second?"**

**Tucker: "Because he hates you."**

**Camera reveals two tombstones behind DuFresne**

"Two graves? Did they finally Bury Church and Tex?" Pyrrha said.

"Yeah, Church getting a new body probably meant he could force them to." Jaune said.

"Or he did it himself." Yang added.

"Burying yourself? That must be awful." Weiss said.

**Doc: "I received your call for a Medic."**

**Caboose: "Medic... That was like three months ago."**

**Tucker: "Yeah what'd you do,** _ **crawl**_ **all the way here?"**

**Doc: "I came as quickly as I could. Where's the patient?"**

**Church: "Well, she's about fifty yards behind you, and six feet straight down."**

**Doc turns around and sees the tombstones**

**Doc: "Oh. (Turns back around to face the blue guys) I'm sorry about your loss."**

**Church: "What- oh, yeah. Yeah, thanks man, it was tough but, well, what're you gonna do..."**

"Her being his girlfriend and all, doesn't sound like he's very sad." Blake said.

"Ex girlfriend." Yang added.

"Is that supposed to make it better?" Blake asked.

"I guess not." Yang said.

**Caboose: "We didn't like her very much. (whispers) She was mean to other people."**

**Doc: "Who's in the other grave?"**

**Church: "That's uh, that's me. I'm in that grave."**

**Doc: "uh huh. ...course."**

**Caboose: "See, uh, he, got killed by this uh, crazy runaway tank."**

Yang, Jaune, Ruby, and Nora laughed at that.

**Tucker: "Or by the idiot driving it."**

**Caboose: "Oh yeah, and then he became, uh, this really mean ghost, and uh, took over a Mexican robot's body, uh, oh! And then we had to uh, oyathatsright, spray paint him, ah, to make him blue, and now he is alive again, and he is a bionic man. ...who ...is blue."**

"Mexican? So Mexicans speak spanish and are...related to whatever Latino is?" Ren muttered to himself writing in his notebook.

**Tucker: "Right, and it took us six weeks to get his Spanish setting turned off."**

**Church: "No esta completamente apagado, bendejo." He said in Lopez's voice.**

**Caption: Not entirely turned off, moron.**

**Tucker: "(sighs) I'll go get the Spanish dictionary."**

**Doc: "Wait, so, no-one here is hurt?"**

**Church: "No, we're fine. In fact, I feel better than ever. See now whenever these two idiots really start to bug me, I can always just turn my ears off. Couldn't do that before."**

"That would be amazing!" Weiss said.

"I know right." Blake said agreeing. "Church is lucky."

"Are we really that bad?" Ruby asked.

"Yes." They both answered in unison.

**Caboose: "You said they were shorting out."**

**[click]**

**Church: "I'm sorry, what was that Caboose?** _**I can't hear you** _ **."**

**Doc: "Well then let me just check you two out, and I'll be on my way."**

**Tucker: "Whoa... check us out? Is this gonna be one of those things where I have to turn my head and cough?"**

"I see they have the same annoying medical practices in that universe." Jaune grumbled.

"Hey, at least you aren't a girl. We have to have entire Doctors that specialize in our lady bits." Yang said.

"Don't say it like that." Weiss said blushing.

**Doc: "(holding up a medical scanner or something) No, I'm just gonna check your vitals."**

**Caboose: "(to Tucker) I bet I have better vitals than you... What's a vital?"**

**Church: "On your way? I don't think so, bud. Aren't you here to join our squad?"**

**Doc: "No, I'm just here to help out with Tex, and then assist in the canyon as needed."**

**Church: "First of all, great job on the Tex thing. Mission accomplished. Secondly, the way that we need you to assist, is to help us kill all the reds."**

Yang laughed when Church started being sarcastic.

**Doc: "Well, even if my orders didn't prohibit me from doing that, I still wouldn't. I joined the army as a conscientious objector."**

"A what?" Jaune asked.

"Oh, recently in Atlas there has been a push to allow people like that in the army. Its people who don't like violence." Weiss explained.

"How can you not like violence but join an army?" Yang asked.

"Well, mostly they choose to be medics. They want to save lives instead of take them." Weiss explained.

"That's very noble." Pyrrha said.

"Yeah, but higher ups are uptight and won't let them join. But General Ironwood excepts all kinds and is working to let them in." Weiss said.

**Tucker: "A conshe- who?"**

**Doc: "I'm a pacifist."**

**Caboose: "You're a thing that babies suck on..."**

**Tucker: "No dude, that's a pedophile."**

"Oh gross!" Weiss yelled.

"My ears!" Ruby yelled.

Jaune was suddenly feeling very queasy.

"Too far!" Pyrrha yelled.

**Church: "Tucker, I think he means a** _**pacifier** _ **."**

**Tucker: "Oh yeah, right. Man I was totally thinking about something else."**

"Oh so Gross!" Yang said.

**Church: "That's real classy, Tucker."**

**Doc: "(running and finishing his scan) Well, everyone here checks out. I'll come back and check on you before I leave the canyon. Can you tell me which way to the red base?"**

**Tucker: "Why? You said you weren't gonna fight 'em."**

**Doc: "I'm not. Resources are low, so I'm on loan to both armies to help whichever side needs me at the time."**

"So he's like a freelance Medic." Nora said.

"Yeah that's right." Ren said.

"This Dufresne is a very heroic person, I like him." Pyrrha smiled.

**Church: "Man, that is so freakin' lame."**

**Doc: "I'm just gonna go to red base and see if they need any help."**

**Church: "Well, if you're gonna go up to red base, I'd recommend putting away that little medical thingie of yours. They see you walking up carrying that thing, they're gonna shoot it right out of your hand."**

**Doc gets shot in the medical thingie**

"Woah!" Ruby yelled.

**Church: "Yeah, just like that."**

**Another shot goes past them**

**Church: "Scatter!"**

**Cut to Sarge and Donut, Donut firing the sniper rifle**

**Sarge: "Nice shot, cupcake."**

**Donut: "Thanks Sarge!"**

**Simmons: "(firing his machine gun a few times) Oh that's right, suck it blue!"**

**Grif: "(standing up in front of Simmons) Yeahah, sneak attack!."**

"Terrible sneak attack." Blake muttered.

**Simmons: "Sit down, you dumbass, I can't see."**

**Sarge: "Hike up yer knickers, fellas. Let's go get 'em."**

**The scene faded to black.**

"I'm already liking this season way more than the last one!" Nora yelled.

"Yeah! Start the next one." Yang ordered.

* * *

**Please review, ask any questions you want and leave suggestions.**


	21. S2E21 Motion to Adjourn

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

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**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

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**Chapter 21- Motion to Adjourn**

" **Motion to Adjourn" appeared on the screen.**

Yang, Ruby, and Jaune hummed the theme.

"I'm gonna try and get pics of every weapon and vehicle." Ruby said holding Velvet's spare camera.

"Oh and by the way, Winter responded about the general Patton thing." Weiss said holding her scroll.

"The what?" Ruby asked

"They made a reference to a general Patton a while ago and Winter just responded. She knows nothing of it." Weiss said angrily.

**The scene opened to a Firefight outside the blue base**

"Woah that looks like fun, finally an actual fight between them." Yang said.

**Church: "Okay Tucker, I need you to get up there, help Caboose shore up the defense, establish a suppressing fire, and hold that position until further notice."**

"That..that actually sounded like a good strategy." Weiss said surprised.

**Tucker: "I didn't even know what half of that meant."**

**Church: "Just go over to Caboose's rock, and fire your gun a bunch."**

"Oh." Weiss said.

 **Tucker: "** _ **That rock?**_ **Yeah, I don't think so."**

**Church: "We do not, have time, to discuss this."**

**Tucker: "Sure, no time for** _ **you**_ **to discuss it. You get to hang out here with Nancy No-Bullets shootin' the breeze. Meanwhile, I'm out there, running around, eating a machine gun sandwich."**

"How are Grif and Simmons missing? They're out in the open." Weiss pointed out.

"So is Caboose and they aren't even shooting back." Blake said.

"I wonder if we will every see any real fights in the show, because this clearly isn't." Pyrrha said.

**Church: "Tucker, we're gonna give you covering fire."**

**Tucker: "Covering fire? Unless that means you're gonna build a huge, bullet-proof wall between me and them, I think you need to come up with a new plan. Preferably one that involves me keeping the same quantity of blood that I have right now."**

**Church: "No problem. Oh wait wait, does the blood have to be** _ **in**_ **your body?"**

**zoom to Grif and Simmons firing their respective machine guns at the blues**

**Grif: "Simmmonns... I can't feel my hands."**

**Simmons: "Maybe you should lay off the trigger, you dumbass."**

"I know that feeling." Ren said gesturing to his guns. "Thankfully I learned how to stop recoil."

"How? Recoil on my sniper is still pretty bad." Ruby asked. "But it is kind of useful because I use it as momentum for my next strike."

"Weapon discussion later please." Jaune begged, thinking of his _Classic_.

**zoom back to Church and the gang**

**Church: "Alright you, Doc, get over there and help Caboose!"**

**Doc: "My name isn't Doc, it's DuFresne."**

**Church: "Yeah. I can't pronounce that, so from now on, your name is Doc."**

**Doc: "I'm not really comfortable with that; I'm not a doctor, I'm a medic."**

**Church: "What's the difference?"**

"Medics are on the field while Doctors are in hospitals, I think that's the difference at least." Weiss said.

**Doc: "Well, a doctor cures people. A medic just makes them more comfortable. While they die."**

"Well never mind then." Weiss said sarcastically.

"That's pretty dark." Blake said.

"I take back what I said about him being noble and somewhat heroic." Pyrrha sighed.

**Tucker: "Mental note: don't ever get shot."**

**Church: "It's settled then. Your name is now Doc."**

**Doc: "Alright, but I don't think it'll stick."**

**background goes greyscale and Doc slides further to the foreground while DOC slides across behind him, with dramatic "this is your name, fucking deal with it" music playing"**

"Welp, Doc is easier to say than Dufr- Dufen- doofen whatever." Nora said.

**Tucker: "Oh, trust us, it'll stick."**

**Church: "Now get over to Caboose, and help him hold that position."**

**Doc: "I don't have a gun,** _**I am a pacifist** _ **."**

**Church: "Well then just get over there, and yell bang bang bang."**

**Doc: "Eh, I don't know. Even that sounds pretty aggressive."**

**Tucker: "Oh, come on."**

**Doc: "Besides, I'm not supposed to get involved unless someone gets hurt."**

**Church: "Huh. I see."**

**Church turns toward Caboose and very deliberately raises his gun, then fires one shot**

**Caboose: "Ahow, my foot."**

"Wow, I hate this show." Weiss complained.

"What why? That was funny." Yang asked.

"It just, I want a serious show, this show is clever and all but...ugh nevermind." Weiss said.

**Church: "Well, looks like Caboose has hurt himself. Maybe you should get over there and help him, Doc."**

**Doc: "You know, you could have just asked nicely."**

"Nice to know Caboose got shot for nothing." Pyrrha muttered sarcastically.

**zoom back to the reds**

**Simmons: "Oh crap, I'm out. Give me some ammunition, Grif."**

**Grif: "Me? I don't have any extra, I'm down to one bullet."**

**Simmons: "Wha.. how can that be? You're the one who carries all the extra rounds in to battle."**

**Grif: "Wait, since when?"**

**Simmons: "Since the last staff meeting."**

"That reminds me, we need to have a staff meeting about homework and classes and-" Weiss started to list.

"What! Sorry Weiss I can't hear you over the sound of Jaune hitting play!" Yang said glaring at Jaune.

**Grif: "We actually talk about stuff in those things? I just fall asleep inside my helmet."**

**Simmons: "Well, you missed your job assignment, and now we have no ammo."**

**Grif: "What's** _ **your**_ **job?"**

**Simmons: "Me? I'm the Social Chairman."**

**Sarge: "Grif. Me and Treasurer Donut are empty. We need some clips."**

**Simmons: "Hey Grif, you remember that one bullet you have left? I thought of the perfect way you can use it."**

"Also a pretty dark joke." Blake said chuckling.

"Then why are you laughing?" Yang asked.

"It's kinda funny." Blake answered blushing.

**zoom back to Doc and Caboose**

**Doc: "I'm here Caboose, where're you hit?"**

**Caboose: "Ah, ow, ow, ow, my foot, my foot!"**

**Doc: "The left foot?"**

**Caboose: "Ah, left. Let's see, that makes an L with this thumb and..."**

"Wow he really is an idiot." Weiss said.

**Doc: "I'm just gonna assume it's the bleeding one."**

**Caboose: "Yeah, the red one. Aeh. I can't believe Church shot me."**

**Church: "Oh don't even** _**start** _ **, Caboose!"**

**Doc: "Anything else?"**

"He's a terrible medic." Yang said. "He can't even make Caboose comfortable."

"That's not what real medics do." Blake said.

**Caboose: "Uh, well wha?"**

**Doc: "You have a bullet wound in the foot. Is anything else wrong?"**

**Caboose: "Uh... Oh, I got one. Uh, Whell, sometimes when I fall asleep at night I think about my parents having sex, and I get really really mad for some reason."**

"Gross." Jaune muttered.

"Damn Qrow and his stories." Yang said trying not to throw up.

"Ugh, just play it please." Weiss ordered.

**Doc: "... ... ... Okay I'm just gonna start with the foot."**

**Caboose: "Okay."**

**zoom to Tucker and Church**

**Tucker: "Hey dude, why aren't the reds firing?"**

**Church: "I don't know, maybe they're outta ammo."**

**Sarge: "Hey blues! We are giving you a chance to surrender!"**

**Church: "Surrender!?"**

**The scene cut to black.**

"Huh really short episode. Play the next one I'm gonna get some snacks." Yang said getting up.


	22. S2E22 Red vs Bleu

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

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**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 22- Red vs Bleu**

" **Red vs Bleu" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

After Nora, Yang, Jaune, and Ruby hummed the theme as the episode started playing.

"Red vs Bleu? Spelled weird, the episode titles all seem like references we don't get." Yang said.

"Have you ever tried texting the number back Jaune?" Weiss asked.

"Yeah, nothing ever sends." Jaune said showing all the error messages on his scroll. "Apparently he will text us when the show is over."

"Hmm, wonder how long that will be." Blake said.

"Blood Gulch Chronicles, not trilogy so probably around four or more seasons." Jaune said.

"Well then we have a long way to go, play the episode." Ren ordered.

**Sarge: "We are giving you a chance to surrender!"**

**Grif: "There is no way this bluff is gonna work."**

**Sarge: "Put a cork in it, Fast Eddie. There's positively no way they know we're outta ammo."**

**Cut to the blues**

**Church: "Yeah, they're definitely outta ammo... What're your terms?!"**

**Tucker: "Their what?"**

**To the reds**

**Grif: "Our what?"**

**Simmons: "I can't believe this is actually working. See if we can get Lopez back, Sarge."**

"I don't see why it's working, the blues could easily defeat the reds now." Blake pointed out.

"They could have defeated them in episode three with the Tank." Ruby said.

 **Grif: "Oh yeah. 'Cause then** _ **he**_ **can fix the Warthog."**

**Donut: "Oh oh Sarge - tell them we want the flag."**

**Grif: "Yeah, and some cake."**

**Donut: "Oh... Wait wait Sarge, just the cake."**

**Sarge: "Alright blues! First off! We want your flag...!"**

**Simmons: "Wait wait wait just a second. The last time we got the flag, the chick in the black armor showed up."**

"But Donut killed her?" Pyrrha said.

"Ugh which reminds me again, the one female character has been killed off." Blake complained.

"I'm sure she will come back to life too." Ren said.

 **Sarge: "...to stay right where it is! Keep the flag! But we do** **want our mechanized droid guy back!"**

**Church: "Uh oh."**

**Sarge: "You may know him as Señor El Roboto!"**

**Tucker: "Well Church, what's it gonna be?"**

**Church: "Chingado, no way. I'm not giving back my body. I just got this thing."**

**Sarge: "And don't think you can keep his nuts! Or bolts, or other mechanical parts you may have!"**

**Church: "Uh, uh he's not here any more!"**

**Tucker: "Yeah, he left! He was all like "Sayonara!" and then he just took off!"**

**Church: "That's not Spanish you idiot, that's French. Let's try this. Hey reds! How about a medic?! Would you take a medic as a hostage?!"**

"French!?" Ren muttered, shocked. "Another language." He said as he scribbled in his notes.

**Doc: "A hostage? But I'm supposed to go over there."**

"Smart move." Pyrrha muttered.

"Or luck." Weiss said.

**Simmons: "Meh, that sounds pretty good to me."**

**Grif: "I don't know, I think we can hold out for more."**

**Simmons: "We don't have any bullets, dumbass."**

**Grif: "Oh right. Take the medic. The medic's a good deal."**

**Church: "Hey Doc. How's the patient?"**

**Doc: "Doing well. He seems very alert and responsive."**

**Tucker: "He's talking about Caboose, right?"**

**Church: "No I mean his toe, how's the toe I shot?"**

**Doc: "What that thing? That fell off like half an hour ago."**

**Caboose: (sad) "Rest in peace, pinkie toe..."**

**O'Malley Caboose: "You shall be avenged!"**

"Hmm I wonder how Church at least hasn't noticed Caboose's behavior." Pyrrha said.

"I don't think he cares." Yang said.

**Doc: "Tell you what. Go ahead and send me over. I really don't think I can be any more help."**

**Church: "Okay! We're gonna send over our medic! Now what do we get!?"**

**Simmons: "You?! You're surrendering! You don't get anything except humiliation and ridicule!"**

**Tucker: "We've already got that! What else do you have!?"**

**Sarge: "What do you want!?"**

**Church: "How about if you admit that the red team sucks!?"**

**The reds mutter to themselves for a moment**

**Sarge: "What if we admit that one of us sucks!?"**

**Grif: "** _ **Nice.**_ **Wait, you mean Donut, right?"**

**Screen blacks and shows "two hours later" in white letters, then returns to the blues**

"What?" Nora said.

"Negotiations took that long, wow." Pyrrha said.

"Real political and military negotiations can take weeks, or months." Weiss said.

**Church: "Okay then! We agree to the terms!? You first, and then we send over the medic!"**

**Sarge: "Get on with it, Grif."**

**Grif: "(grunting sigh) I would just like to let everyone know, that I suck...!"**

**Church: "And!?"**

**Grif: "And that I'm a girl...!"**

"Whats wrong with that?" Weiss asked.

"Calm down Weiss it's a sausage party this is how dudes are." Yang said.

"How would you know?" Jaune asked.

"I used to be a sort of tom boy, but without the disgusting parts." Yang said.

"Disgusting parts?" Jaune asked.

"Like I didn't dress as a tom boy or act like a guy, I just had a lot of guy friends at the time and we bro'd out. Yang explained.

"What were the disgusting parts though?" Jaune asked.

"You know, I didn't have to use the boys bathroom which no matter where you go is fucking disgusting." Yang said.

"Completely Agree." Ren said. "I do not include you in this Jaune but other guys are animals."

"The girls bathrooms are also quite disgusting." Weiss said.

"But definitely not as bad as guys I found boxers in a public bathroom on three separate occasions in three separate bathrooms." Jaune said.

"Oh! Ruby that reminds me you should tell everyone about what _you_ found in the public restroom!" Yang said cackling.

"Hmpf! Yang! Please don't remi- remind me." Ruby said swallowing vomit.

"What was it?" Nora asked.

"Guess." Yang said.

"Was it red?" Blake asked.

Ruby quickly got up and used her speed semblance to puke in the sink.

"That. Is. Disgusting." Jaune said.

"Ugh!" Ruby finished. "Just play the episode!"

**Church: "What else!?"**

**Grif: "And I like ribbons in my hair, and I want to kiss all the boys...!"**

"Ribbons in my hair huh?" Yang said looking towards Blake.

"Yang..." Blake said annoyed.

"Blake, you really don't need to wear the ribbon around us." Ruby said.

"Its not as if I don't trust you all, I just don't trust everyone else." Blake said.

"But we're alone, we can lock the doors in case anyone walks in without knocking." Jaune said.

"But..." Blake protested.

"No buts." Weiss said getting up and locking the door.

"Fine." Blake said, she slowly reached up and took off her bow.

"Awe." Ruby said.

"What?" Blake asked.

"You look so much better with your ears out." Ruby complimented.

Blake smiled, "thanks Ruby." Blake said hugging Ruby.

**Sarge: "This may be the best surrender of all time."**

**Simmons: "Okay, is that good enough!?"**

**Church: "Yeah! Alright, go ahead Doc."**

**Doc runs over to the reds**

**Grif: "Man, I really hope you're worth this."**

**Doc: "Can I ask you a question? Do they put something in the water here?"**

**Grif: "Water? We ran outta water six months ago."**

**Doc: "No water, then what do you drink?"**

**Grif: "Uh, you know, ketchup, uh, soy sauce, gravy, the usual."**

"Is it even possible to survive off that?" Nora asked seriously wondering as she glanced towards the cupboard.

"No." Ren said.

**Sarge: "I only drink the blood of my enemies. And occasionally a stawberry yoohoo."**

**The screen went black.**

"Ok, next episode!" Ruby said happily.

"Arf!"

"Gah! Get that thing away from me!" Blake screamed.

"Blake...he's been here the entire time." Yang said

"Just get him away from me!" Blake screamed.

Ruby sighed and grabbed Zwei and sat him in her lap. He curled up and went to sleep.

"Deformed mutt." Blake muttered.

"Deformed?" Yang asked making sure Ruby didn't hear.

"Zwei is a corgi, and as you can tell he has been inbred with other corgi's to maintain those stubby legs that many find cute." Ren explained.

"Whats wrong with stubby...legs." Yang said as she realized the horror and level of animal cruelty that is inbreeding dogs. "Wow, well...it hasn't harmed him. But that could just be me and Ruby unlocking his aura and feeding him dust kibble."

"You what!" Blake whisper yelled.

"See? He's even more dangerous than regular dogs Blakey." Yang taunted.

"Can we start the next episode?" Nora asked.

"Sure." Jaune answered.


	23. S2E23 The Joy of Toggling

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

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**Chapter 23- The Joy of Toggling.**

" **The Joy of Toggling" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

"Toggle is great." Jaune started, "I can't stand holding down on the stick button to crouch."

"Stick? mines the right button." Ruby added displaying her scroll on it's controller screen.

**The scene opened to show Doc and Grif talking.**

**Camera pans down the red base to Doc and Grif talking**

**Doc: "So he was shot in the head..."**

**Grif: "Right."**

**Doc: "...and you gave him CPR for a bullet wound in the head."**

**Grif: "Exactly."**

**Doc: "Yeah, I think that's a perfectly acceptable treatment."**

"Ugh." Weiss groaned.

**Grif: "That's what I said."**

**Doc: "Oh yeah, people often overlook to alternative methods of care. Like that blue guy that was shot in the foot during the battle? All I did was rub his neck with some aloe vera, he was fine."**

Yang laughed at that and Ren joined in a second later.

**Grif: "Yeah, I don't know about all that. I'm just glad that Sarge is wrong."**

**Sarge: "Grif! Yer supposed to be guarding the prisoner. Not playing lookie-loo with him all day long!"**

**Grif: "Come on Sarge, he doesn't even have a gun."**

**Simmons: "Oh, well you two will be great friends then. He doesn't have a gun, and you didn't bring any ammo!"**

**Grif: "Hey thanks, kissass. If I wanna take guarding tips from the guy that lost our last prisoner, I'll be sure to ask you."**

"Ohhhh wow what a comeback." Yang said.

**Donut: "Oh man, that is a burn. Dude, you just got burned. Burned, dude, burned."**

"See?" Yang said laughing.

**Simmons: "Oh shut up, your armor's pink."**

"There's nothing wrong with pink." Nora huffed. Ren nodded.

**Doc: "Uh, hey, guys? I, I just want everybody to know that Grif and I aren't, uh, technically friends, uh, we're just talking. That's it. (to Grif) Sorry man, but it's pretty obvious that you're really unpopular, and if I'm gonna make any progress around here at all I can't really be directly associated with you. I'm sure you understand."**

"That's cold." Ruby said.

"Yeah wow." Weiss said. "Now I feel really bad for stuff I used to do."

"I can't stand people like that." Jaune muttered.

**Grif: "..."**

**Doc: "It's only because no one likes you."**

**Grif: "..."**

**Doc: "Stop staring at me."**

"Grif is probably really hurt." Pyrrha sighed.

**Camera zooms through the gulch, revealing Sheila still in the middle of it, then to the blue base**

**Tucker: "Hey Church - if your body is the red team's old droid, and droids usually fix stuff, can't you just activate your repair sequence and fix Sheila?"**

**Church: "Huh... Well, yeah it's worth a shot, I guess. (clears throat for some reason) Alright. Stand back. Huhrur... Keeungh... Hoom..."**

**Tucker: "Anything?"**

**Church: "Yeah, it's not as easy as you'd think it would be."**

**Tucker: "Maybe there's a button on you somewhere..."**

**Church: "See what you can find. I'll keep trying from in here... Hurhoor... Oh! Hey!"**

"He sounds like dad getting out of bed." Yang said laughing.

Ruby burst out laughing a second later.

**Tucker: "Found it?"**

**Church: "Nah, no wait. All I found was the time and temperature function. It is currently twenty-six degrees, by the way."**

"Guess temperature is different in that universe." Ren said.

Weiss just sighed.

**Tucker: "What? It's not twenty-six degrees out here, that's freezing."**

**Church: "** _**Celsius** _ **, Tucker."**

**Tucker: "Oh come on dude, celsius sucks. (kneels down and looks at Church) Hey, I found something."**

**Church: "Oh yeah? You found a button?"**

**Tucker: "Naw dude, it's more like a ...switch."**

"A very small switch." Nora said laughing.

"Its not the size that matters, its how ya use it." Yang said.

"Yaaaaang...Gross." Ruby said.

Jaune was blushing furiously and Ren was too but he hid it better.

**Church: "Well, give it a flip."**

**Tucker: "I don't wanna flip it."**

**Church: "What's the problem?"**

**Tucker: "It's in a weird place."**

**Church: "Oh you've gotta be kidding me."**

Yang, Jaune, and Nora laughed at that.

**Tucker: "You flip it."**

**Church: "These arms aren't that flexible, I can't even reach down there."**

"Poor man." Yang said chuckling.

**Tucker: "What about Caboose?"**

**Church: "Man, he's so stupid, I don't even know if he knows how to operate a switch."**

**Tucker: "Oh man..."**

**Church: "T-, Tucker, come on. We'll laugh about it later. I'll buy you dinner."**

**Tucker: (kneels down and tries to flip the switch, but fails) "It won't move, it's stuck."**

**Church: "Did you try wiggling it?"**

Yang was dying from laughing, at this point she was just sucking in air and laughing.

**Tucker: "No way, I'm not wiggling your dongle."**

**Church: "Oh, stop being a baby. Just wiggle it."**

**Tucker kneels back down**

**Church: "... So, you from around here baby?"**

Everyone but Weiss and Blake laughed at that.

"You can really tell they're friends now." Ren said.

Yang began to cough as she laughed.

**Tucker: "Okay look, if you want me to do this, you can't talk like that."**

**Church: "Alright alright alright alright, I'm sorry, I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding."**

**Tucker: "I wish Tex was here, she wouldn't have any problem flipping it."**

**Church: "You obviously did not know Tex that well."**

"Cannot imagine those two dating." Blake said.

"Me neither." Weiss agreed.

**Tucker kneels back down and flips the switch, and we start hearing a beeping noise**

**Tucker: "There! Anything?"**

**Church: "Nope. Nothin'. That's kinda weird. Do you hear something beeping?"**

**Cut to the reds**

**Sarge: "Are there any ideas on what to do with the prisoner?"**

**The same beeping starts fading in, approaching the same volume**

"Hmm" Ren muttered.

**Simmons: "Well, we have to get him away from Grif, because ...yeeah, you know, it's kinda cruel and unusual to have to talk to him."**

**Donut: "How 'bout we um, let him trade armor with uh, one of us? That would show him."**

"Can't they just repaint it?" Weiss said.

"Plot convenience and comedic story line." Ren explained simply.

Weiss sighed.

**The Warthog's lights flash in time with the beeping**

**Warthog: (as if getting up to speed) "Warthog online. (now up to speed) Homing beacon activated."**

**Donut: "Sarge... D, did the car just talk?"**

**Sarge: "Uh oh..."**

**The scene cut to black.**

"Huh, I'm confused." Yang said.

"Whatever lets start the next one, this beats training." Jaune said.

"After we finish we are training for the big fight!" Nora yelled.

Team JNPR groaned.


	24. S2E24 Sweet Ride

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

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**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 24- Sweet Ride**

"Are you all liking season two?" Jaune asked.

"So far its more of the same." Weiss answered.

"That's good, its still really funny." Yang said.

"I love it, and I'm starting to get used to dads voice as Church." Ruby said.

"I like that the voice acting has improved." Blake said.

"Same here." Pyrrha said.

"Less talk more watch!" Nora yelled.

" **Sweet ride" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

Nora, Jaune, Ruby, and Yang enthusiastically hummed the theme.

"I have a sweet ride." Yang commented.

"You really need to show me it some time." Nora said.

"After we finish the season?" Yang asked.

"Sounds like a plan!" Nora answered.

**The Warthog is staring down the reds, and Doc**

**Simmons: "Okay, I get it. You build a remote control for the jeep in to Lopez."**

**Sarge: "Yep. But there's** _ **no way**_ **anyone could have found out how to turn it on. I hid it in a place** _ **no one**_ **would** _ **ever look.**_ **Unless... Hey. Pretty in Pink. Were you messin' with my robot?"**

Yang started laughing.

"I don't get it." Ruby said.

"Sarge is making a joke about Donut being gay." Yang answered.

Ruby nodded "Oh, heh."

 **Donut: "What're you asking** _ **me**_ **for?"**

**Grif: "So someone else controls the jeep right now? And the big gun attached to it?"**

**Sarge: "Oh, get a pair, you bunch o' Barbies. Even if they figured out how to turn it on, they'd never know the set of code words to control it. Only me and my diary know that.**

**To the blue base, with totally un-dramatic music. Church still hears beeping"**

**Church: "There, you hear that?"**

**Tucker: "Is it like a screaming, high pitched whistling noise, followed by a series of random clicks?"**

"What?" Nora asked.

"I don't understand the reference." Ren said.

"Me neither." Yang said.

**Church: "No it's just like this constant 'beep beep beep' noise."**

**Tucker: "Oh... then no, I don't hear anything."**

**Church: "Do you eh, wait - do you actually hear a series of whistling noises followed by some random clicks?"**

**Tucker: "No, I was just tryin' to be helpful"**

**Church: "Yeah, well, you're failing."**

**Caboose: "All I hear is that voice, you know telling us to kill all our friends before they have a chance to kill us."**

"O'Malley." Ren muttered.

**Church and Tucker: "..."**

**Caboose: "Wait, you guys don't hear that?"**

**Church: "Oh man, I can't take this any more. Tucker, you're gonna have to do something, man, this beeping is going to drive me crazy."**

"Its annoying me." Yang said.

"You're annoying me." Weiss muttered under her breath but either No one heard her or everyone ignored her.

**Camera zooms to the Warthog, with Church's words "going to drive me crazy. drive me crazy" echoing in the background**

**Warthog: (beep beep beep beep) "Drive."**

**Sarge: "Jumpin' Jehozafats, they've cracked the code. Those dern windtalkers."**

**The warthog drives straight at Doc and hits him, and he lands in the driver's seat as it continues driving away with him**

**Donut: "Hey, he's taking the jeep."**

**Doc: "Help, the jeep is kidnapping me!"**

Weiss chuckled to everyone's surprise.

 **Donut: "Now he's** _ **taunting**_ **us. This is just embarassing."**

**Simmons: "Hey Sarge, new rule. How 'bout we just don't take any more prisoners, since we seem to suck at it."**

**Cut to the blues, Caboose kneeling in front of Church. Beeping continues, Warthog is in the background behind Church**

**Caboose: "I see a switch down here. (whispers)** _**It's not very big."** _

**Tucker: "Oh yeah, that's it. Just flip it."**

**Church: "Wait, stop."**

**Warthog: (in background) "Stop. "(stops moving)**

**Church: "Caboose... do you know how to work a switch?"**

**Caboose: "Uhhhhhhhhh..."**

"Such an idiot, how can someone be that dumb?" Weiss asked.

"Special needs." Blake said.

"He shows no signs of special needs." Weiss shot back.

"Then just plain stupidity." Blake said.

 **Church: "Alright. Here's a full tutorial then. The switch is pointed in** _ **one**_ **direction, just turn it around, so that it's pointed in the** _ **other**_ **direction."**

**Warthog: "Turn around." (turns around, facing back toward the red base)**

**Caboose: "Oops. It broke itself."**

**Church: "Ughhhhhhhh."**

Everyone chuckled or laughed at that.

**The Warthog finishes turning, now facing the reds**

**Doc: "Oh man, what now..."**

**Grif: "That does not look good. Nice kitty, nice kitty."**

"Sweet Puma reference." Yang said.

"I still love all the callbacks." Jaune commented.

**Back to the blues**

**Tucker: "Okay, I see two wires down here. One's green, the other one's red."**

**Caboose: "What about the blue one?"**

**Church: "That's your thumb, idiot. Come on guys, just grab whichever one goes to the switch, and yank it out."**

**Tucker: "Eh, I can't tell which one goes over there."**

**Church: "Then just yank 'em both."**

**Caboose: "Church, if we pick the wrong one, (whispers) you could explode."**

"Movie reference, sounds like a Spruce Willis movie." Jaune commented.

**Church: "I don't care, look, just follow the red one."**

**The Warthog facing down the reds**

**Warthog: "Acquire target: red."**

Weiss smiled, she was starting to enjoy this skit.

**Grif: "Uh, Sarge, you, you may wanna start running. (Donut and Simmons back away) Now. (Backs away)"**

**Sarge: "Ahhhhh fudge pumps."**

**The blue base... again... dammit**

**Tucker: "Okay, I see what's going on here. The red one goes close to the switch, and the green one goes... yeugh, someplace else."**

**Church: "Fine, just pull it. Take out the red one."**

**The Warthog rams Sarge to the wall of the red base**

**Sarge: "Oh, I'm pinned!"**

**Warthog: (beep beep beep beep) "Eliminate red target." (Starts firing the gun, getting progressively closer to Sarge's head)**

**Grif: "You're gonna kill him!"**

**Sarge: "What a way to go. Killed by my own mechanical creations. I'm sure there's a philosophical lesson to be learned from all this."**

"One lesson mentions how technology has increased beyond our general understanding. A very select few understand everything about how specialized technology works." Ren explained.

"Yeah, technology is dangerous, weapons get stronger and stronger, which means more and more deaths." Blake said.

"But it also means more life, less pregnancy deaths, better medicine." Jaune said.

**Simmons: "Something about the dangers of technology, and the unwavering pride of mankind?"**

**Sarge: "No, something about hiring better help, that doesn't just stand around** _**watching you die"** _

**The screen cut to black.**

"Oh..." Jaune said as everyone but him, Ren, and Blake laughed.


	25. S2E25 Last Words

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

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**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 25- Last words.**

" **Last words" appeared on the screen with the theme music.**

"Huh, I wonder if someone is going to die?" Jaune said.

"Morbid title, but maybe." Blake said.

**The scene opened to show that The Warthog has Sarge pinned, and is firing toward his head. Doc is still impotently sitting in the jeep**

**Simmons: "Okay, we gotta do something here guys."**

**Donut: "You're right. I got dibs on Sarge's armor."**

A few of them chuckled.

**The blue base, Tucker kneeling in front of Church, who still hears the beeping**

**Tucker: "Okay Church, you ready, I'm gonna yank the wire."**

**Back to the Warthog and Sarge**

**Sarge: "Grif, if you see Lopez, tell him I forgive him. Tell him, he was like a son to me."**

**Grif: "I thought Simmons was like a son to you?"**

**Sarge: "No offense, Simmons. Lopez and I just, understood each other better."**

Nora laughed. "Ren can understand the language better after _just_ a day!"

Ren smiled at Nora and smiled back.

**Simmons: "Understood... he refused to speak English."**

**Grif: "Yeah, and he ran away the first chance he got."**

**Simmons: "And now he's trying to kill you with a remote control jeep."**

**Sarge: "Ahhhh, what a little rascal."**

**The blues**

**Tucker: "Alrigh, here goes nothin'. One... Two... Three!"**

**(pulls the wire, and the beeping stops)**

**Church: "Oh God yes, finally! Some freakin' peace and quiet! I thought that was gonna drive me nuts! ...Hey. Why can't I move my legs?"**

**The reds. The Warthog stops firing**

**Warthog: (shutting down) "Signal lost."**

**Grif: "Wow, that was a close one. Are you okay Sarge?"**

**Sarge: "Ah, horse puckey, I'm fine. Although I do have to admit, maybe a little bit disappointed."**

**Simmons: "It's okay sir. I know that you said a lot of things that you didn't mean. People say crazy stuff when they're faced with their own mortality."**

**Sarge: "It's not that. I just felt like I could have taken him."**

**Grif: "Taken who, the machine gun?"**

**Sarge: "Oh he was a worthy opponent to be sure, but right at the end there he was beginning to show signs of weakness. Cracks in the armor, if you will."**

"There would have been cracks in _his_ armor if he stayed." Weiss said sighing.

"Wow, Weiss did you just make a joke?" Ruby asked.

"What?" Weiss said confused.

"The show is making Weiss funny!" Yang yelled.

"It's a miracle!" Nora yelled.

**Grif: "What? You can't fight a machine gun."**

**Donut: "Yeah, Sarge. I know you're tough and all, but it is kinda hard to beat up hundreds of armor piercing bullets using only your face."**

Yang who was drinking water quickly turned to her left and coughed up water from laughing.

Unfortunately Ruby was to her left.

"Yang! Gross gross gross gross gross!" Ruby said frantically while Yang was still wheezing.

"It's everywhere!" Weiss yelled.

Yang who was starting to catch her breath got up from the floor.

"Ugh, oh wow." She said before laughing again. "Agh that hurt so much, ugh it went out my nose."

"Grooooossssss!" Ruby yelled.

"Ruby I'm sure its fine, It's just water." Pyrrha said trying to help.

"Yeah it's not vomit."

"Hey!" Jaune yelled, mildly offended.

"Oh, sorry Jaune I didn't mean you." Yang said quickly.

"It's fine, are you ok Ruby?" Jaune asked.

"Euegh! Yeah just gross, Yang! Why did you turn to me? There's nothing on your right!" Ruby yelled.

Yang laughed nervously. "Oops"

"Ugh, just play it." Ruby said sighing.

**Sarge: "And yet, he surrendered."**

**Doc: "Guys, guys, it's okay, I've seen this before. Sarge just lived through a very traumatic ordeal. We all have ways of coping with the stress."**

Everyone nodded to themselves thinking of their own ways of dealing with stress.

**Grif: "Oh yeah? How do you deal with it?"**

**Doc: "Oh I have my own system, that works pretty well for me. ...By the way, the driver side of the jeep is gonna need a thorough cleaning."**

**Back in blue... Can't blame me for trying**

**Church: "This is great, this is just great. Thanks a lot Caboose. Now what'm I supposed to do: my lower half is damaged."**

**Caboose: "Why don't you try walking it off?"**

**Church: "I can't use my legs, moron."**

**Caboose: "Oh, I see. ...Have you tried running?"**

"Sounds like Nora giving advice." Jaune commented.

"If your arms are tired just work it off!" Nora yelled.

**Tucker: "This doesn't seem like that big a deal, you hardly ever used your legs before anyway. I've never heard of a grown man asking for so many piggy-back rides."**

"I've never heard of a big sister asking for so many!" Ruby said looking to Yang.

"Hey, I told you. That was to make you stronger." Yang said.

 **Church: "Hey, I already told you:** **that** **was for** **science** **."**

Yang and Ruby laughed at that. "Dad makes the same excuse." Yang explained.

**Caboose: "Why don't you just try, walking on your hands? Then you could your feet for high fiiiiives, and ...eatin' sandwicheeeees... you know, the important stuff."**

"My point exactly!" Nora yelled.

Ren and Jaune sighed while Pyrrha chuckled.

**The reds**

**Simmons: "Hey Doc, although I'm sure Sarge enjoys having his spine pulverised in to dust, maybe you should go ahead and back up the warthog."**

**Doc: "Oh, right. Sorry." (drives the Warthog forward, against Sarge some more)**

**Sarge: "Oh, hot buttered lugnuts!"**

**Doc: "Oh, geez, I'm really sorry, I, I just was in the wrong gear, let me just..." (rams Sarge again)**

"Everyone, this is a great example of Ruby driving." Yang said gesturing to the screen.

"Oh yeah!? Like you were any better! Dad showed me the videos!" Ruby said grinning at Yangs face.

"He swore not to show anyone!" Yang yelled, eyes turning Red.

"He showed _everyone!_ " Ruby said laughing. "Qrow, every other teacher at Signal, the newspaper boy-" She listed counting on her fingers as Yang's anger grew and grew.

"When this is over, Me and Dad are going to have a little chat." Yang gritted out.

"What are you gonna do? Beat him up over the phone?" Weiss asked.

Yang growled loudly.

"Looks like she's going to try." Nora whispered.

**Sarge: "Yoh, geez, there goes mah last kidney. I was saving that one for a special** _**occasion** _ **."**

**Doc: "Third time's a charm?"**

**Simmons: "I don't think so, Poindexter. Outta the jeep now!"**

**Doc: "I'm really sorry guys. I was only trying to help."**

**Simmons: "Really."**

**Grif: "Oh is that all? I for one was totally confused. I thought you were savagely trying to kill our Sargeant by ramming him over and over with a six thousand pound steel death machine. Now that we know that you're just trying to help, by all means, please continue."**

Yang and Nora chuckled at the sarcasm.

**Doc: "... ...really?"**

**Grif and Simmons: "Get out!"**

**The blues. Tucker is kneeling in front of Church, working on his wires**

**Church: "Well just start reattaching wires, I'll tell you when I feel something."**

**Tucker: "What about that, do you feel that Church?"**

**Church: "No, what're you doing, I don't feel anything."**

**Caboose: "Oh, Church? You know, I was thinkin'. ...Uh yih yih ya know, when you, when you eat ice cream too fast sometimes and it hurts your brain?"**

"Ugh, yes" Ruby muttered.

"See Nora? Your 'theory' Ren said making air quotes. "Of eating the ice cream faster to stop the brain freeze isn't true."

Nora huffed and went to grab Ice cream out of the mini fridge. "We'll see about that Renny!"

**The reds are approaching the distance behind Church**

**Church: "Hey Caboose? Yeah. Shut up."**

**Caboose: (seeing the reds) "Uh... Church? I think that you should know that the reds are-"**

**Church: "Dammit Caboose! In the short time I've known you, you've managed to call my girlfriend a slut, blow me up with a tank, shoot me in the head, and now paralyze me from the waist down! So I hope it's not too much for me to ask,** _**just for once, if you'd shut yer freakin' mouth!"** _

**Simmons: "Hey blues, we're here to- what the hell are you guys doing?"**

**The scene cut to black.**

Yang laughed.

"What is it?" Ruby asked.

"Am I going to have to explain every sex joke they make?" Yang asked kind of annoyed.

"No! Just the ones I- that I don't understand." Ruby mumbled shyly.

"So all of them?" Yang asked rhetorically.

"Agh! Brainfreeze!" Nora yelled.

Ren merely sighed.

* * *

**Please review and pm me any suggestions, questions, and/or requests you have!**


	26. S2E26 Nobody Likes You

**Author's Note:**

**Big thanks to author Grifman275 for the advice and suggestions. You should check out their stories. They wrote one for Fairy Tale called "swimming with mermaids." And another for Toaru Majutsu no Index called "first order"**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls.**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 26- Nobody Likes You**

" **Nobody likes you." Appeared on the screen with the theme music.**

"Hmm, mean title." Blake muttered.

**Scene opens to Grif, Simmons and Doc looking up at the blues in their base, Church facing away**

**Simmons: "What the hell are you guys doing?"**

"Yang." Ruby mumbled. "You still uh, never explained the joke."

Yang sighed. "From the way the Reds were standing it looked like Tucker was giving Church a blowjob. Do I need to explain what a blowjob is?"

"No, I- I got it." Ruby mumbled.

"Are you sure?" Yang asked.

"I'm not a little kid! I just, don't think that way." Ruby said.

"This is a awkward conversation." Nora said to Ren outloud.

"Ren, am I whispering?"

"No Nora, they heard you."

"Oh...hey guys!" Nora said waving.

**Tucker: "Oh crap, the reds are here."**

**Church: "What? Caboose, why didn't you say anything? Hey. One of you guys turn me around. I still can't move my legs."**

**Grif: "What were you doing down there?"**

**Tucker: "Nothing. What're you talking about?"**

**Caboose: (from the back) "We were just playing a game!"**

Yang snickered "Oh that makes it even better."

"Worse." Weiss corrected with a grimace.

**Church: "Hey Caboose, we'll handle this."**

**Grif: "What in the hell is going on at this base?"**

**Doc: "I told you these guys're weird."**

**Church: "Whaddaya want, reds? Get outta here, or we'll start shootin' at ya!"**

**Grif: "Oh yeah? You care to make that threat to my face?"**

**Church: (tries to turn around, fails miserably) "Uhgh... no."**

**Grif: "Yeah I didn't think so. Punk."**

**Simmons: "Whoa whoa whoa, calm down guys. We didn't come here to fight. We just came to give back the prisoner."**

**Tucker: "Give him back? You can't give him back, you took him, a deal's a deal."**

**Grif: "Yeah, well forget it. We don't want him."**

**Church: "Well, sorry, you can't have another prisoner. That was our last one."**

**Grif: "Hey dude, what is your problem?"**

**Simmons: "Didn't your mama ever tell you it's impolite not to look at someone when you're talking to them?"**

Ruby and Nora looked down. Yang put a hand on Ruby's shoulder and Ren did the same for Nora.

**Caboose: (from back) "He's shy!"**

**Church: "Shut up. Look, we don't want him back, and we don't care what you do with him. Now if you don't mind, we'd appreciate if you'd leave us alone. We're in the middle of something, kinda private over here."**

**Grif: "That's sad. He** _ **is**_ **shy."**

**Simmons: "Fine, but don't come asking for him back later."**

**Grif and Doc start heading back to the red base**

**Tucker: "We won't."**

**Grif: "Last chance."**

"It seems Doc is already more hated than Caboose." Pyrrha said.

"Hmm, yes." Ren said.

**Church: "Beat it reds!"**

**Grif: "Alright, we're goin', we're goin'."**

**The three reassemble over a hill**

**Grif: "Man, I thought our team was obnoxious, but those guys are** _**really rude."** _

**Doc starts toward the red base**

**Simmons: "Whoa, whey, hey, whoa, where do you think you're goin'?"**

**Doc: (stopping) "Back to base with you guys. They don't want me over there..."**

**Grif: "Yeah, I don't think so."**

**Doc: "What? You're not just gonna leave me out here in the middle of nowhere... By myself?"**

**Simmons: "Yeah. That's kinda the general idea."**

"I feel kinda bad for him." Weiss said remembering her experience with being left out.

"Me too." Jaune and Ruby said at the same time.

"Awe!" Nora said.

Jaune and Ruby laughed. "Glad I ran into you Jaune, after Yang _Ditched me!"_ Ruby said glaring at her sister. "You were there to help."

"Hey I saved you a spot!" Yang shot back.

Jaune ignored her. "Glad I was there to help."

Pyrrha smiled at her leader.

**Doc: "Not you too, right Grif? Old buddy? Huh?"**

**Grif: "Sorry, it's pretty clear that you're not very popular around here, and if I'm gonna make any progress at all, I can't be directly associated with you. I'm sure you understand."**

"Oh burn!" Nora said.

"Oh yeah, I forgot doc did that." Yang said.

"I suddenly don't feel that bad for him." Jaune said.

"I still do." Weiss muttered. "I was the same way remember? I know exactly how it feels to leave others out then have it thrown back. I'm not defending it but..."

"We get it Weiss." Ruby said comforting Weiss.

"Well you can't deny it was a sweet comeback." Yang said.

Everyone chuckled in agreement.

**Doc: "..."**

**Back to the blue base**

**Church: "What's going on? Are they there? Did they leave? Hey somebody tell me what's happening!"**

**Tucker: "I don't know, I can't really see too clearly. I bet I could see better if I had that sniper rifle..."**

**Church: "Uh, Tucker? You might wanna look behind you."**

**Tucker turns around, sees Caboose with the sniper rifle**

**Tucker: "Mother fucker."**

**Caboose: "Uh ooh Church, Church. Okay, I s, I see something... okay... uh the two red ones are walking away... uh... but the purple one is..."**

**O'Malley: "I think he's going to attack."**

**Church: "Purple. Oh wait, the purple guy's that worthless medic."**

**Tucker: "He's not gonna attack, he's a pussy fest."**

Yang and Nora guffawed.

**Church: "** _**Pacifist."** _

**Tucker: "Ah, whatever, let's tie him up and roll him through the teleporter."**

**Church: "Wait a second wait a second, think about this for a minute. Why would the reds leave him out there by himself? This has to be some kind of trick."**

**Caboose: "I'll bet they've used some kind of, brain washing technique on him. They're, they're probably planning, to have him do, all their dirty plans... and also the schemes..."**

"Now Caboose sounds like Sarge." Ren muttered remembering past lines from Sarge.

**View is of Tucker through the sniper rifle**

**Tucker: "Caboose, that is ridiculous."**

**Caboose: "Is it? Or is it so ridiculous, (scope zooms in on Tucker's jaw) it's the most ridiculously perfect idea, that you never thought of."**

**Tucker: "No, just the regular kinda ridiculous."**

**Back to normal view**

**Church: "Well just keep your eye on him. We'll know it's a trick if he tries to get in to our base."**

**Doc:(from afar) "Hey guys, euh, do you think I could come and hang out at your base for a while?"**

**Caboose: "I knew it... we're all gonna die..."**

**O'Malley: (aiming at the back of Tucker's head) "Starting with you!"**

**Tucker: "Sorry, but we're kinda busy here. So go away... or something."**

**Doc: "Normally I wouldn't impose, it's just that I don't know the neighborhood too well, and-"**

**Church: "Listen Doc, you're not fooling anybody with that innocent victim routine."**

**Doc: "Hey uh I could help! I know more than just medicine! I'm trained in psychology too, maybe I could help you with your problem facing people!"**

"If he's a bad a medic as he is a therapist I'd be worried for any patient he has." Blake said to some nods.

**Church: "just, get outta here! And tell your buddies the reds, that their little 'plan' failed."**

**Doc: "Well this is just great. I can't be** _ **lieve**_ **I failed outta medical school for** _ **this."**_

**The scene cut to black.**

"Oh so that's why he's so bad." Nora said tossing her Ice cream up into the trash. "Nailed it!"

"The series is getting better." Pyrrha said.

"Yeah, so play the next one." Nora ordered to Jaune.


	27. S2E27 Nine Tenths of the Law

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls.**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 27- Nine Tenths of the Law**

"Ruby. Stop panicking it's going to be ok." Yang said trying desperately to calm her sister down.

"No its not! I _broke_ Velvet's camera!" Ruby screamed holding up Velvet's camera which had a destroyed lens.

"It's just a broken lens Ruby, Velvet will understand." Pyrrha said trying to help.

"We can get it replaced." Jaune added.

"She _trusted_ me with it and I broke it in less than two hours!" Ruby screamed, continuing to panic.

"We need to bury the evidence! Quick Ren go buy a new lens lets replace it and never tell Velvet!" Nora suggested.

"I don't want to lie to Velvet but I don't want her to know I broke it!" Ruby screamed falling to her knees.

Yang sighed and picked up the camera.

"Wait for me, I'll be back in ten minutes." Yang said popping out the lens and tossing the broken pieces into the trash.

"Where- where are you going." Ruby asked whimpering.

"Team CFVY's room, I know Velvet is going to have spare parts there." Yang said shutting the door behind her.

Ruby was quiet for a second.

"Wait! Yang!" Ruby yelled dashing for the door.

She left in a flash of Roses.

"How did she break the camera anyway?" Jaune asked.

"Ruby is very talented." Weiss answered.

"She was likely not paying attention and let it fall off her bunk." Blake said.

"she only noticed after the episode ended." Ren said.

"Well, what do you guys want to do while we wait?" Jaune asked.

"I want to address this other universe issue." Weiss said.

"Booooorrrring!" Nora yelled flopping down.

"I agree with Nora we should do something else." Pyrrha said as politely as possible.

Ren and Weiss ignored her as they had already started going over Ren's notes and theorizing.

"I know what we can do." Nora said with a mischievous look in her eyes.

...

"See. What did I tell you?" Yang said holding up Velvets fixed camera.

"I don't know what you're talking about I was calm the entire time, I knew we could fix it." Ruby said embarrassed.

"Yeah, well thank you too." Yang said sarcastically.

"I'm sorry, you were right I- sorry I panicked. Thanks Yang you're my favorite sister!" Ruby said hugging her.

"I'm your only sister." Yang pointed out.

"Ex _a_ ctly." Ruby said emphasizing the A.

As the two got closer to team JNPR's dorm they started hearing faint yelling getting louder and louder. With a quick glance to each other they rushed to the door and opened it.

"GO JAUNE! DO IT FOR YOUR TEAM!" Nora shouted.

"Why can't things ever be calm." Weiss sighed. "Go Blake, I'm sure you can beat him effortlessly."

"Don't listen to her Jaune I know you can do it. You're very strong." Pyrrha encouraged.

"Whats going on?" Ruby asked.

"Aw sweet! Arm wrestling competition!" Yang said.

Blake looked up for a split second, that split second of distraction allowed Jaune to push with all his might, Blakes hand touched the table after a few seconds of struggling.

"Yeah! Go Jaune!" Nora yelled hugging Jaune.

Pyrrha laughed and smiled at her leader.

Blake sighed but smiled.

"Good match Blake." Jaune smiled, blushing from surprise that he won.

"I'm surprised they talked you into this." Yang said to Blake.

"We were just waiting on you two." Blake pointed out.

"So lets start the episode already!" Nora yelled.

" **Nine Tenths of the Law" appeared on the screen with the usual theme music.**

"Does your arm hurt too Blake?" Jaune asked.

"No, not in the least." Blake said hiding her own aching arm.

"Nine Tenths of the law?" Ren questioned.

"It's likely an expression having to do with ownership. If there isn't a clear testimony or documentation to prove that someone doesn't own something like a shirt. The person wearing the shirt will be presumed to be the rightful owner." Weiss explained. "We have the phrase four fifths of the law in Atlas." Weiss added.

"Hmm." Ren muttered. "I should probably study Vale law."

"You could not pick a more boring subject." Nora said.

"It's important, and I'll make you pancakes." Ren said.

Nora smiled and turned back to the screen.

**The scene opens to show the Camera panning down to Donut and Sarge at the red base.**

**Donut: "So, just you and me, hanging at the base today, huh Sarge? This is new. I notice you use a shotgun. That's cool. I just use this pistol. It works for me. ...(whistles)... So, you think the guys will be back soon? What do you think they're up to? You think they stopped at the store? I noticed we were getting pretty low on elbow grease. ...When you die, can I have your armor?"**

"That must be very annoying." Weiss said.

"Agreed." Blake added.

**Simmons: "(running up the ramp) Hey, we're back!"**

**Donut: "Oh man, am I glad to see you guys. Sarge would** _ **not**_ **stop talkin'. Seriously"**

**Sarge: "Grif, Simmons, were you able to work out a suitable exchange?"**

**Simmons: "Uh, not exactly, sir. You see, when we showed up, the blues were doing something** _**really weird** _ **, and then th-"**

**Grif: "** _ **Really**_ **weird. And they were** _ **rude."**_

"They're supposed to be rude, they're on opposite sides!" Nora yelled. "Go blue team!"

"Go Red." Jaune muttered.

**Simmons: "Hey dumbass, I thought we agreed I was gonna tell the story."**

**Grif: "** _**Excuse me, go ahead."** _

**Simmons: "Well you see, the blue guys were really weird, and not just normal weird, really weird-"**

**Grif: "You're not telling it right."**

"These conversations always feel so real." Jaune said.

"I love the dialogue of this show, it's so well written its almost as if its actual people talking. The characters play off each other so well." Blake praised.

"Wow I didn't think you liked the show that much." Pyrrha said.

"Oh I don't, I just like the dialogue I can point out many other flaws." Blake explained.

"It's like the creators based the characters off themselves or people they know." Jaune said.

"I don't know about that, but Simmons does seem like a real person, I could believe meeting someone exactly like that." Ren said.

**Simmons: "Okay** _**fine** _ **, how do you remember it?"**

**Grif: "Well, I remember we agreed that you're a kissass. I get fuzzy on the rest of the details."**

**Simmons: "Anyway, they didn't want the prisoner back, sir."**

**Sarge: "Why those cunning blue devils. Does their treachery know no bounds."**

"Treachery? He does know that they're on opposite teams right?" Weiss asked.

"Probably not, this is why Blue team is the best." Yang said.

"Red team doesn't have a team killer." Pyrrha pointed out.

"Or a pervert." Jaune added.

"Blue team doesn't have a lazy soldier." Yang shot back.

"Tucker is kind of lazy." Jaune argued.

"Not as bad as Grif." Ruby added to help Yang.

"Go team Rainbow! RRYNBW" Nora yellef.

"Go team JP." Jaune said.

**Grif: "It wasn't a total loss sir, I was able to steal his wallet."**

"I didn't take Grif for a pickpocket." Pyrrha commented.

**Sarge: "Grif, I may just make a respectable soldier out of you yet."**

**Grif: "Really sir?"**

**Sarge: "Hell no! Now leave the money on my nightstand, and get back to work!"**

A few of them chuckled at that.

"Hypocrite." Weiss said.

**Cut to the blues on the blue base**

**Church: "Alright Tucker, what the hell are we gonna do man, I gotta get my legs working here."**

**Tucker: "I don't know, but I can't just keep pulling wires down there. I think we should call in a professional. Maybe someone who can fix Sheila, too."**

**Church: "Okay great idea, but the only two people who can do that are Señor El Roboto, and Tex."**

"I like that they actually went with what Sarge said." Jaune said.

"What?" Ruby asked.

"Señor El Roboto." Jaune explained. "Ren any luck on the language?"

"I don't have much to work with but Señor likely means mister or sir." Ren explained.

 **Caboose: "Hmm, Tex** _ **can**_ **be kinda hard to work with."**

**Tucker: "Yeah. Dead people usually are."**

Everyone laughed including Weiss.

**Church: "Quite frankly Tucker, I find your attitude offensive."**

**Caboose: "What about that Lopez person. Is** _ **he**_ **available?"**

**Church: "No, I'm in his body. Remember?"**

**Caboose: "Well... why don't you just leave his body, and then Tucker and I will make him fix you and my girlfriend!"**

"Gross, and I thought bestiality was bad." Yang said.

Blake made a fist in anger.

"Blake whats wrong? You know I didn-" Yang started.

"No no, It's just- I'm remembering something a few kids said to me." Blake said.

"Kids?" Ruby asked confused.

"Parents likely pushing their outdated and racist views on their impressionable kids." Blake explained.

"People are disgusting." Weiss scoffed.

**Tucker: "Girlfriend, what?"**

**Church: "You retard."**

**Caboose: "I mean uh, Tucker and I will make him fix you, and uh the beautiful tank lady means nothing to me. Uh then we can get you back in his body when he is done."**

"Wow, Caboose actually said something smart." Weiss said.

"Some uh..less than intelligent people are smart in other areas." Pyrrha explained trying to be as polite as possible.

**Tucker: "I'm confused, that actually seems like a good idea."**

**Church: "I know."**

**Tucker: "But Caboose said it."**

**Church: "I know."**

**Tucker punches Church in the face.**

Yang and Nora started laughing.

**Church: "Ack, what the hell was that for?"**

**Tucker: "I don't know, I thought maybe I was dreaming, so I punched you in the face to make sure I wasn't."**

"Does that work?" Nora asked.

"No!" Ren said quickly. "Uh no Nora it doesn't please don't do that."

 **Church: "Tucker, when you think you're dreaming, you don't** _ **punch**_ **somebody** _ **else**_ **. You get somebody** _ **else**_ **to pinch** _ **you**_ **."**

**Tucker: "Dude, it doesn't matter what kinda dream I'm having, I am not going to ask you to pinch me."**

**Church: "If you dented my forehead, Tucker, I am gonna be** _**pissed** _ **."**

"I doubt Tucker is that strong." Blake commented.

"Have you seen the armor they have?" Ruby asked. "It probably makes them stronger!"

"I want one!" Nora commented.

**Tucker: "Yeah, yeah, yeah."**

**Church: "Let's try this: I'll jump out of Lopez's body real quick, you two just watch him, make sure he doesn't try anything. Got it?"**

**Tucker: "Yeah, sure."**

**Caboose: "Okay, Church!"**

**Church: "Ughhh, alright. Here goes nothing'. Hegakergerk! (while leaving Lopez's body)"**

**Tucker and Caboose look away from Lopez and look at each other. Lopez now in control looks from Tucker to Caboose.**

"I can see where this is going already." Weiss commented.

**Tucker: "You know, I have to hand it to you Caboose, you finally came up with a good idea."**

**Caboose: "Oh, thanks man, it was nothin'."**

**Tucker: "No no, you really contributed, and that's what it's all about."**

**Lopez starts running away while Caboose and Tucker aren't looking**

"How are his legs working now?" Ruby asked.

"He is a Robot, he probably knew how to fix himself." Ren suggested.

**Caboose:"Ya know, I just enjoy the process."**

**Church as ghost: "Yeahah, back in the spirit world, alright. Man I forgot how good this feels. Kinda... loosey-goosey. Hey, what'd you guys do with my body?"**

**Tucker: "Why do you care about your body, you can't even move yer- (turns around and sees Lopez jumping over a hill) Oh hey look, your legs work!"**

**O'Malley: "This one is mine! (fires the sniper rifle)"**

"I wonder why Church hasn't noticed O'Malley in Caboose." Pyrrha said.

"How did O'Malley go into Caboose? Weiss I thought AI had to be implanted." Ren asked.

"Atlas hasn't made much progress with AI but yes they do have to be implanted and can't move from the host." Weiss explained.

"Huh." Ren mumbled confused.

**Church: "Hey Caboose, whoa cut it out man! You're gonna damage my body! Tucker, you guys go through the teleporter and cut him off. I'll meet you guys out there." (fades away)**

**Tucker: "There's no way I'm going through the teleporter again. I've still got this tingle in the back of my... look, dude, I'm just not going back through the teleporter, okay?"**

**Caboose: "But Church said for us to-"**

**Tucker: "Yeah, but Church didn't think of** _ **this!**_ **(throws a grenade through the teleporter) Come on, let's go!"**

"He's going to destroy Church's body." Ruby commented.

**Church encounters Lopez in the Gulch**

**Church: "Alright, hold it right there** _**amigo** _ **."**

**Grenade comes through the teleporter, landing between Church's feet**

**Lopez: "¿Mira que cosa mas fina?"**

**{look what is that thing?}**

**Church: "Hey, I said hold it, not run away! You big... robot baby! What the hell? That rock looks just like a grenade... aw crap."**

**Grenade explodes. Cut to Sniper Rifle looking at them, then the reds at the base, Grif using the rifle**

**Sarge: "What in sam hill is goin' on out there, Grif?"**

"Who is Sam Hill?" Yang asked. "I know none of you know but Sarge constantly says that, it sounds like a curse word but its a name."

Everyone just shrugged.

**Grif: "Sir I think we're under attack! A very sloppy, poorly coordinated attack."**

**Sarge: "How many do ya see?"**

**Grif: "There's two running our way, and another one seems to be-** _**retreating?"** _

**Sarge: "Oh we'll give them all a reason to retreat. Saddle up, Simmons, let's go rope us some blue steer!"**

**Simmons: "Woohoo! Alright, yeah!"**

**Sarge: "Yeah!"**

**Sarge and Simmons run down the ramp**

**Sarge: "Woohoo!"**

**Simmons: "Just what I live for."**

**Sarge: "Alright!"**

**Simmons: "Let's do it!"**

**Donut: "So... just you 'n' me, hanging out at the base. That's cool."**

"He's really annoying." Weiss commented.

"He's just trying to have a conversation." Ruby defended.

**Grif: "Shut up rookie."**

**Donut: "You think they'll be gone long? Me and Sarge had a great time together."**

**Grif: "Oh my God..."**

**Donut: "We talked about all kinds of stuff..."**

**Grif: "I'm not gonna sit here and listen to this all day long..."**

**Donut: "He showed me a picture of his mother, we talked about home decorating..."**

"No way Sarge did any of that." Yang commented.

**Grif: "Are you ever going to shut up?..."**

**Donut: "We made macrame ideas..."**

"Nope he won't shut up." Nora said laughing.

**Grif: "Jesus Christ..."**

"Jesus Christ? Hmm he mixed the two Curse words together but now it sounds like a name." Ren muttered.

"Like Sam hill." Yang added.

"I wonder if these two are actual names and they are considered Curse words because the two are...bad people?" Ren questioned.

"Maybe, but people say God damnit, or Oh God. Or even Just a annoyed God as a curse word." Yang said. "Also the exact same but with gods."

"Amazing how you can't have an original thought in any class especially history but you can analyze curse words." Weiss said sighing.

"Hmm, so Sam Hill and Jesus Christ are either bad people or revered people or a religious thing like God or Gods." Ren theorized ignoring Weiss.

"Hmm, maybe." Yang agreed.

**Donut: "We shared recipes for soufflés..."**

**Grif: "How did I get stuck in this place..."**

**Donut: "Oh man, it was such a blast! And then we talked about, our feelings..."**

**Grif: "Ugh, God..."**

"See what I mean?" Yang asked.

**Donut: "And then, we also discussed..."**

**Grif: "Jesus Christ..."**

**Donut: "what it was like to be the loner in high school..."**

"Terrible." Jaune said.

**Grif: "You've gotta be kidding me..."**

**Donut: "and, you know, all the kids made fun of us, but we had a really great time..."**

**Grif: "Oh man..."**

**Donut: "I mean Sarge is a really neat person, we talked about his dream the other night..."**

"Wonder if we know anyone like that." Yang whispered to Ren who chuckled.

**Grif: "I don't wanna listen to this..."**

**Donut: "Where he dreamed, that uh... some shit happened..."**

**Grif: "Why me?"**

**The screen faded to Black.**

"That was a good episode, next one?" Yang asked.

"Yeah!" Ruby yelled.


	28. S2E28 In Stereo Where Available

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

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**Chapter 28- In Stereo Where Available**

"Ruby have you been taking pictures?" Yang asked.

"Yes, I have the warthog, the turret, the tank, and I even have Sarge's Shotgun." Ruby said proudly holding Velvets camera.

"I still don't understand why you couldn't just take pictures with your scroll." Weiss muttered.

"I know I said the same thing, but Velvet wouldn't take no for an answer." Ruby explained. "For some reason it had to be her camera"

"Well it doesn't really matter, play the episode Jaune." Blake ordered.

" **In Stereo Where Available" appeared on the screen with the theme music.**

The usual four, Ruby, Yang, Jaune, and Nora hummed the theme.

**The scene opens up to show Sarge and Simmons take their respective positions in the Warthog**

**Simmons: "Alright, hit it!"**

**The Warthog drives off past Sheila and in to the Gulch, the familiar Warthog Driving Music playing**

**Cut to Church**

**Church: "(coughs) What the hell? Who tried to blow me up with a grenade? And why'm I coughing? I don't have lungs."**

"I was about to say the same thing." Weiss commented.

**The Warthog jumps over a hill next to Church**

**Simmons: "Yeehaw!"**

**Sarge: "Rid'em cowboy."**

**Simmons: "Yes! ...Hey Sarge, hold on a sec." (jumps off the Warthog)**

**Sarge stops the Warthog and gets out**

**Simmons: "Did you see something weird, Sarge?"**

**Sarge: "Yes I did. Once when I was a small child I saw a man who** _ **claimed**_ **to be my uncle, do this thing with a garden hose that still haunts me to this-"**

"Oh gross." Yang muttered.

"What?" Ruby asked.

"Ugh, please just kill me now." Yang mumbled to herself. "Alright uh the quote unquote joke here is that a pedophile did something in front of Sarge." Yang explained.

"Oh, gross." Ruby said.

"Well that could explain Sarge's strange personality." Blake commented.

"I think it was just a joke." Jaune added. "I really hope it was."

**Simmons: "Whoa whoa whoa, I meant did you see something weird** _**just now** _ **, like five seconds ago."**

**Sarge: "Oh. Then no."**

**Simmons: "What was all that stuff about your uncle?"**

**Sarge: "I keep telling everyone he wasn't my uncle! He wasn't!"**

"Ugh." Weiss sighed.

**Simmons: "... You wanna talk about it?"**

"At least Simmons is trying to be supportive." Pyrrha said.

**Sarge: "Just get back in the damn jeep."**

**Cut to Tucker and Caboose encountering Lopez in the Gulch**

**Tucker: "Hold it right there, hombre. I told you throwing that grenade through the teleporter would work. Church is gonna be so impressed."**

"Will he be though?" Yang asked smiling.

"Probably not." Weiss commented.

**Caboose: "And Sheila will love me again, and this time, for who I am, not just for my stunning good looks... but for those too."**

"That's gross, having a crush on a tank." Weiss said.

"He's childish and very naive." Blake explained. "He probably doesn't understand."

"Maybe." Weiss said.

"I can get behind that though, wanting people to love me not for my good looks, but for me, and my good looks." Yang said.

Pyrrha laughed lightly. "I wish people would notice me for things other than my fame."

"I wish people would see me as more than just a Schnee, and to stop judging me for my Fathers crimes." Weiss explained.

"I just want people to see me for me, and not my ears." Blake said wiggling her cat ears.

"And I wish people would stop seeing me as a child." Ruby said crossing her arms.

Yang laughed and gave Ruby a noogie.

"Awe you're still my _little_ sister." Yang said laughing as Ruby squirmed and yelled.

Everyone laughed or smiled at their antics.

**Lopez: "Pinche mamónes azules. Es tán tan estúpido que como miran."**

**Caption: Damn these blue bastards. They really are as stupid as they look.**

**Warthog music starts getting louder.**

**O'Malley/Caboose: "Your soul is a cavern of lies!"**

**Tucker: "What the hell are you two talking about?"**

**Lopez: "A es ganado esta tiempo, pero su reinado repugnante va se de breve duración."**

**Caption: You may have won this round, but your cruel reign of tyranny will be short lived.**

**Lopez: "Los rojos vana ser vengado-"**

**Caption: The red people will be avenged-**

**Tucker: "Yeah yeah yeah, nobody cares. We need you to fix our tank."**

**Lopez: "Nunca vo es trabajar para la enemigo. Pueda un malo estar sobre su alma y su casa."**

**Caption: Never will I work for the enemy. May a pox be upon your soul and your house.**

"A pox?" Ruby asked.

"It's an old curse phrase. Like saying, I hope your whole family dies or something." Yang explained.

"Oh that's pretty mean." Ruby commented.

"Yeah but whenever someone says it now they just sound stupid." Yang said.

"Good point." Ruby said.

**Cut to Lopez's view, with SAP in the top right corner. Over his next sentence, the following fades in in the middle of the screen:**

**Objectives:**

**1) Fix Everything**

**2) Hate The Orange One**

**3) Call Mom More Often**

"Hate the orange one? I thought Grif was Yellow." Ren muttered.

"What? Are you colorblind?" Yang asked.

"No? At least I don't think I am." Ren said.

"I thought he was Yellow too." Ruby mumbled.

**Lopez: "Un mucho tiempo mi raza sufridos, pero muy pronto vamos a ser un día nuevo."**

**Caption: Long have my people suffered, but very soon we will see the coming of a new day.**

"His people? Who?" Weiss asked.

"Robots?" Blake suggested.

"Maybe." Ren answered.

"I think he means the other Reds." Pyrrha explained.

**Tucker and Caboose look at each other, then the view returns to normal**

**Lopez: "La amanecer de nuestro tiempo está cerca, y cuando la noche acontece su gente la trabajadores de la campo va sabrán que está tiempo."**

**Caption: The dawn of our time is near, and when the darkness befalls your people the workers of the field will know that this is their moment.**

**Lopez: "(in background) Es la tiempo des nosotros, la gran traición de la alto como ésta predicho, que yo digo."**

**General: "It is our time, the great betrayal of the oppressors as was predicted, as I said."**

"Robots must be oppressed in this world, assuming they have sentience." Blake muttered. "Of course without Faunus someone else would be oppressed."

"Robots are different though." Weiss said.

"They don't have feelings." Weiss continued.

"You don't know that!" Ruby yelled.

"Ruby? What's wrong?" Yang asked.

"N- nothing can we just keep watching." Ruby said.

Yang squinted at Ruby in suspicion but let it go.

**Tucker: "Man, I thought Church talked too much. You think if I kick him in the switch he'll shut up?"**

**Caboose: "Uh Tucker? I think that maybe we should begin the going of the running now? (weakly) The** _ **fast**_ **running."**

**Tucker: "Oh crap!"**

**Simmons is looking down the barrel of the Warthog's big gun, right at the blues**

**Sarge: "Hold yer fire there, Simmons. This is payback time."**

**Simmons: "Go for it sir!"**

**Tucker: "That's right, we're just casually strolling away. (starts backing up) No cause for concern..."**

**Caboose: "Running time! (takes off)"**

**Tucker: "Nice and casual! Moron!"**

"Why would they be nice and casual? A Turret is aiming straight at them." Weiss said.

"Caboose was actually smart for a second." Blake added.

**Lopez: "Sí, sí, corren perros cobardes."**

**Caption: "Yes, yes, run away, you cowardly dogs."**

**Lopez: "Sea sabido que la gran Lopez ha ganado en esta día..."**

**Caption: "Be it known that the great Lopez has won this day and..."**

**The Warthog approaching the blues**

**Simmons: "Aim for that guy right in the middle, Sarge."**

**Sarge: "Way aheada ya Simmons."**

**Lopez: "¿Qué está pasando?"**

**Caption: What is happening?**

"Oh no, he's in blue armor." Ruby said realizing what was happening.

**Lopez's view, flashing on screen is "System Override Protocol Remote Destruct Sequence"**

"He is destroying himself?!" Jaune asked.

"No, it says remote, he's destroying the jeep." Ren answered.

**Simmons: "We got ya now, you blue bastard!"**

**Lopez: "No me ha dado otro opción."**

**Caption: You have given me no choice.**

**Simmons: "Hey Sarge, do you hear a strange beeping sound?"**

**The Warthog blows up, flipping backward several times in mid-air**

**Lopez: "Perdóneme, padre."**

**Caption: I'm sorry, father.**

"This is kinda sad." Nora said.

**Tucker: "Alright! Not bad, robot dude!"**

**Caboose: "I knew he would save us. I knew it! Robot people always like me. It's because of my awesome dancing."**

**Lopez: "Mi espíritu está quebrado. Mis gente a abandonado me y ahora todo está perdido."**

**Caption: My spirit is broken. My people have betrayed me and now all is lost.**

**Lopez: "Haga con mí que quieres."**

**Caption: Do with me as you will.**

**Tucker: "Yeah okay man, can you just shut up and fix our tank?"**

**The scene fades to black.**

"Well Lopez is depressed." Yang said casually.

"Well he is being taken by enemies, being oppressed, and was just betrayed by his creator." Blake said.

"I guess that's true." Yang said.

"The show could be getting serious." Pyrrha said.

"That's good, I want the show to get better." Weiss said.

"Play the next one please." Ruby said to Jaune.


	29. S2E29 Radar Love

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

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**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

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**Chapter 29- Radar Love**

" **Radar Love" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

"Weird title." Ren muttered.

**The scene opened to show Grif and Simmons on the red base, looking down at Sarge and the Warthog**

**Grif: "Is it just me, or does this jeep seem like really bad luck?"**

**Simmons: "Yeah. You know, now that you mention it, it does seem like every time we get in to the damn thing, it breaks, or explodes, or goes crazy and tries to kill one of us."**

"Have they really never had a successful attack with the warthog?" Ruby asked.

"Nope, the blues also haven't had much luck with the Tank either." Jaune said.

**Donut: "Maybe we should try exchanging it for a few motorcycles. No wait wait wait, a big tank like the blues have. That thing never seems to have any problems at all."**

**Cut to The blues, near Sheila**

**Church: "Alright, that's the deal mister robot. You fix our tank, we'll let you go free."**

**Caboose: "I thought the plan was to trick him in to fixing the tank, and then Church will take over his body again when he is done."**

"Idiot." Weiss mumbled.

**Tucker: "Yeah. But you don't tell the person you're tricking what's going on, Caboose."**

**Caboose: "So if I'm the one being tricked, then you would not tell me what is really going on?"**

**Tucker: "Why would we trick** _**you** _ **?"**

**Caboose: "Oh I think you know."**

**Lopez: "¿Dónde yo iré?"**

**Caption: Where will I go?**

**Lopez: "Mis amigos quieren matar me."**

**Caption: Even my friends have tried to kill me.**

**Church: "Okay, I'm gonna take that as a yes, aaand let you get busy with tank fixing."**

"This language is so strange." Ren muttered. "But I'm starting to notice patterns."

**Lopez: "No tengo hogar."**

**Caption: I have no home.**

"It really can't be that hard to escape." Weiss said.

"I've been thinking the same thing." Blake added.

**Back to the reds, everyone except Grif around the jeep. Grif is ON the jeep**

"I'm surprised someone that Lazy got up that high." Weiss said.

**Grif: "Aw crap. Hey uh, they got a guy fixing their tank."**

**Sarge: "** _ **Impossible!**_ **Our intelligence** _ **clearly**_ **states..."**

"Intelligence?" Pyrrha muttered confused. Jaune and Yang laughed next to her.

**Donut: "We have intelligence?"**

**Sarge: "that the only soldiers in this canyon with mechanical training, are that dead freelancer and Lopez, oh wait a minute."**

**Simmons: "Sarge, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Lopez runs away, the jeep starts driving itself, and suddenly there's a new guy on the blue team?"**

**Sarge: "Yes Simmons, I am. Quite obviously the blue team has constructed some kind of** _**diabolical mind control ray beam** _ **, that they used on Lopez and now he has to do their evil blue bidding!"**

"He really is a fanatic about the Blue team being bad." Pyrrha commented.

"I'm still wondering why they're fighting." Blake said.

"Well, in the first episode Simmons explained it. They have a blue base over there and they have a Red base there." Ren explained.

"Yeah but why." Blake asked.

"It's a comedy, So I think that's all we're getting." Jaune said.

**Grif: "Or, since he's a robot, maybe they just** _**reprogrammed him** _ **."**

"Grif and Simmons seem like the only smart people in the canyon." Weiss said.

"That's why I'm pro Red team." Jaune said.

"I'm gonna switch over to Red team." Weiss said.

"Traitor!" Ruby yelled pointing at Weiss.

"I guess I'll switch over too." Blake said.

"But team Rainbow was so perfect!" Ruby yelled.

"Looks like Team JP has new members." Jaune said.

Weiss nodded.

"Well now I guess we're team...I can't think of anything for WJPB" Jaune said.

"guess its back to team Rain. RRYN" Ruby sighed.

 **Donut: "Or maybe, that blue guy who got killed by the tank, came back as a ghost, and now** _ **he's**_ **possessing Lopez's body. That could also explain why Sarge went nuts when we had the prisoner; the blue ghost probably possessed him too. And the jeep going nuts was probably just a weird set of coincidences, while the guy learned how to use Lopez's body."**

"Huh, Donut is pretty smart actually." Jaune commented.

"Or just lucky." Weiss said.

**Grif, Sarge and Simmons: "..."**

**Simmons: "I think I like the ray beam idea better."**

Yang laughed.

**Grif: "Yeah rookie, your idea sounds a little dumb."**

**The blues, Caboose is jumping up and down next to Sheila**

**Caboose: "Hurry hurry hurry, fix the tank! So that I can say hello to Sheila."**

**O'Malley: "And start killing everyone!"**

"O'Malley is really affecting Caboose." Pyrrha commented.

**Tucker: "You mean all the reds, right?"**

**Caboose: "Of course!"**

**O'Malley: "For starters!"**

**Church: "Come on, how much longer Lopez?"**

**Lopez: "Completo."**

**Sheila: "(powering up) Thank you for activating the M808V Main Battle Tank."**

**Caboose: "Sheila! You're fixed! You're fixed."**

**Sheila: "Hello Private Caboose. It is good to see you again. Thank you for repairing me."**

"Now Caboose can kill Church again." Yang said laughing.

**Tucker: "He didn't fix you, a robot did it."**

**O'Malley: "Don't cock-block me!"**

"Gross." Weiss, Yang, and Blake said.

**Tucker: "Dude, come on."**

**Sheila: "Robot? I wasn't aware that our squad was** _**out** _ **fitted with a robot."**

**Lovey-dovey music as Sheila and Lopez look at each other**

**Caboose: "I don't like where this is going."**

"Robot on robot?" Yang said. "I wonder how that would even work."

"Yang! Gross." Ruby yelled.

**Sheila: "Hello there. My name is Sheila. The M808V Main Battle Tank."**

**Lopez: "Y yo soy Lopez, la pesado."**

**Caption: And I am Lopez, the heavy.**

**Sheila: "Lopez. What a nice name, for such a nice soldier. You have such excellent motor skills."**

Ren chuckled at the joke of Motor Skills.

**Caboose: "Ummmm yes. Well Lopez has to go now. He was just here to help me fix you, and now he has to go away!"**

**Tucker: "Dude, this is getting weird. Church, will you take your fucking body back?"**

**Church: "Roger that."**

**Lopez: No!**

**Caption: No!**

"Why do they need a caption for that?" Ruby asked.

"Dunno." Yang answered.

**Lopez: "Hegakergerk!"**

**Caption: Heauegerkergerk!**

**Lopez's body is shaking**

**Tucker: "You okay in there Church? Church. Hey what's going on? Do I need to flip your switch?"**

Yang laughed again.

**Church: "(fading back in) What the... that wasn't me! What the hell's going on here?"**

"Oh of course." Weiss muttered.

**Tex: "Well. Buenos dias cockbites. Guess who's back"**

"Yay! Tex is back!" Yang yelled.

"Wait wait wait wait! Rewind!" Blake said quickly.

"What? Why?" Jaune asked as he rewinded.

"Listen to Tex talk." Blake said.

**Tex: "Well. Buenos dias cockbites. Guess who's back"**

**The scene cut to black.**

"That Ms Goodwitch!" Ruby yelled.

"It is!" Yang yelled surprised.

"Strange." Pyrrha said.

"Now we have two teachers in the show." Yang said.

"Wow." Jaune said.

"Ms Goodwitch cussing, we can record it! She has always gotten mad at me for cussing I can-" Yang said happily before she was cut off.

"Nuh uh! Next episode!" Ruby yelled.


	30. S2E30 I Dream of Meanie

**Author's Note:**

**shoutout to ww2killer who is writing a RWBY reacts to death battle. I thought it was pretty cool and I liked it, I can't wait for Yang vs Tifa because holy shit that would be amazing to see them react to. (As I edit my chapters said chapter of Yang v Tifa has been released and it was great) Also for people rereading you may have noticed the lack of authors notes, I deleted irrelevant ones adding to the word count pointlessly.**

**Edit again: Any author's notes that are relevant will be kept.**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls.**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 30- I Dream of Meanie**

" **I Dream of Meanie" appeared on the screen.**

"I still wonder what these titles mean even though its mostly unimportant." Weiss said.

**The Scene opens to show The blues, with Tex in Lopez's body, and Church as a ghost**

**Church: "Get out of my body right now, Tex!"**

**Tex: "** _ **Your**_ **body? This isn't your body, I stole it!"**

"Yeah that's definitely Ms Goodwitch but younger." Yang said.

"Are you calling her old?" Weiss asked.

"Well...yeah." Yang said. "She is kinda old."

"She definitely doesn't look old." Jaune said.

"Oh? And have you been looking?" Yang asked raising a suggestive eyebrow.

Jaune started sputtering in embarrassment.

"Ignore her Jaune, you're not the one who talked about having a ladyboner for her." Blake said as Yang blushed.

"That's not what I said." Yang tried to explain.

"You said that if you had a ladyboner for Professor Goodwitch it was really trying, you even wiggled your finger around acting like it was trying to bonifie itself whatever that means." Blake explained.

Weiss and Ruby laughed at Yang blushing.

"She does have shame!" Ruby said in between laughs.

"I'm surprised she's ashamed of that and not...other things." Pyrrha said.

"I- never mind Just play the damn episode will ya?" Yang said looking at Jaune.

**Church: "Yeahah, but I stole it first!"**

**Sheila: "I am confused, I thought your name was Lopez. And I thought you were a man. This is all so strange. I feel like my circuits are crossed... and I** _ **like**_ **it."**

"Oh god the tank is horny!" Nora yelled.

It was barely a second before Yang was on the floor laughing.

"Nor- Nora we need to hangout more!" Yang said dying.

"I'm game, name the time and the place!" Nora said happily.

**O'Malley: "I know how to get her out of there..."**

**Caboose/O'Malley aimed their pistol at Tex.**

**Tex: "..."**

**O'Malley: "...wink."**

A few of them chuckled at that.

"O'Malley is an interesting character." Ren muttered.

**Church: "Caboose, don't. Look, just go explain to Sheila, okay?"**

**Caboose runs up and kneels on Sheila**

**Church: "Alright Tex, now what's it gonna take to get you outta there?"**

**Tex: "Well ever since I've been a ghost, I've been watching you guys a lot."**

"So everyone that dies becomes a ghost huh." Weiss said annoyed.

"Looks like it." Blake answered.

**Tucker: "Whoa, when you say you've been watching us, does that mean you've watching us** _**all the time?"** _

**Camera shows a rock that says in teal letters "Keep out! Tucker's Rock! Private!"**

Yang was trying to stifle her laughter.

**Tucker: "Like even when we're alone?"**

**Tex: "Yes Tucker, and you should be** _ **very**_ **ashamed of yourself."**

"Ugh, Yang explain." Ruby said.

"Tucker has either just been masturbating behind the rock or has gone even further and drilled a hole-" Yang started to explain.

"Gross stop it!" Weiss yelled.

"I think i'm going to throw up." Jaune said holding his mouth.

Pyrrha patted his back which did not help.

**Tucker: "It's very lonely out here."**

"That's a poor excuse." Weiss cringed.

**Tex: "Anyway, I've noticed a change in one of your guys. Caboose."**

"Oh finally!" Weiss yelled.

"Of course the only woman in the canyon would figure it out." Weiss said.

"I think its less about her being a girl and more about everyone else being an idiot." Yang said.

**Church: "A change? Like what, he's finally learned the whole alphabet?"**

**Tex: "You haven't noticed that he's become increasingly aggressive lately?"**

**Tucker: "I have. Started about the same time Sheila got disabled, and you got blown up. I tried to tell Church, but he never listens."**

**Church: "Tucker, there's a very fine line between not listening, and not caring. I like to think that I walk that line every day of my life."**

"Church's voice sounds like Dad's but he definitely acts like Qrow." Yang said.

Ruby laughed.

"Tex is really mean so she matches Ms Goodwitch perfectly." Jaune commented. "Except for the whole cussing part."

"Caboose doesn't act like Professor Oobleck at all." Pyrrha added.

**Fade to a flashback to episode 18**

**Tex: "I had just finished repairing the tank, when I overheard Church's plan to warn the reds about me."**

**Church: "(in flashback) I guess I'm gonna do the only thing I** _ **can**_ **do. I gotta warn the reds."**

**Fade back to current age and time... well, the age and time of RvB... you know what I mean**

**Tex: "From what I can tell, the A.I. calculated the odds of survival, and didn't like the results."**

**Fade to a flashback to episode 19**

**Tex: "Once Caboose turned on his radio to call Church, it took its chance."**

**Caboose: "(in flashback) Calling Private Church. Come in Church."**

**Fade back to now ...ish**

**Tucker: "And that was when he said his name was O'Malley. So the A.I. that was in you infected Caboose?"**

**Church: "Right. Everyone's armor has one slot for A.I., and Caboose's would have been vacant."**

**Tucker: "I think there are a few of his** _**non** _ **-artificial slots that are empty too."**

"His entire head is empty." Weiss commented.

"I like Caboose I don't think he's that dumb." Ruby said.

**Fade back to episode 19**

**Tex: "And before I could figure out what happened, that** _**bitch** _ **, hit with a really lucky shot."**

**Tex: (in tank, in flashback): "Aw crap" (grenade explodes in her lap)**

**Fade back to now ...ish ...again**

**Tex: "And the next thing I know, I'm a ghost."**

**Church: "Alright, I get it. Caboose has your precious little A.I. So let me guess you're holding my body hostage, until I help you get your A.I. back, right?"**

**Tex: "Wrong. You're gonna help me kill it!"**

"Getting interesting." Pyrrha commented.

**Cut to the red base, all four members on it**

**Sarge: "Ladies. It has come to my attention that we are in need of a new robot-type person. Who here wants to volunteer?"**

**Donut: "Are we going on a trip? I love trips! Can we play I Spy? And the License Plate Game?"**

"Road trip? How is it a trip to drive around the city." Ruby asked.

"And who would have time to play a game?" Nora asked.

"Hmm, I've been thinking that this world might not have Grimm in it." Ren said. "Maybe road trips are longer since everyone isn't trapped in cities."

"Sounds like paradise." Yang muttered sadly.

"Hey! That's why we're becoming huntresses! Maybe we can make unprotected Road trips a thing!" Ruby said giving everyone a sense of pride.

"Working to make the world a better place." Pyrrha said smiling.

 **Grif: "** _ **Shut up**_ **Donut."**

**Donut: "Please?"**

**Simmons: "Uh, sir?"**

**Donut: "Or Punchbuggy?"**

**Grif: "Why won't this guy shut up."**

**Donut: "Or, or, the alphabet with the signs game?"**

**Simmons: "What exactly do you mean by 'volunteer'?"**

**Sarge: "Quite obviously we are without a robot, or any other type of recruit with mechanical training or dexterity. Therefore the only solution is to turn one of you in to a robot and/or freaky cyborg thing."**

"Only solution?" Weiss asked.

"Cool! it would be awesome to be a cyborg! I could have a robot arm and I could smash the ground and-" Nora rambled to Ren who despite the annoying properties of the conversation, appeared to listen well.

**Simmons: "Whatever."**

**Grif: "What?"**

**Simmons: "Have you gone crazy?"**

**Grif: "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard."**

**Simmons: "What the hell?"**

**Donut: "Cool! I vote for Simmons!"**

"Donut agrees!" Nora yelled happily.

**Sarge: "I'm told the cyborg operation is a relatively simple procedure, really-"**

**Grif: (in muttered tones) "What does he mean?"**

**Simmons: (in muttered tones) "What is he talking about?"**

**Sarge: "Whereas the mostly useless guts and slimy goo of the human body, are replaced with the no doubt superior guts and** _ **oily**_ **goo of a robot."**

"Nasty." Pyrrha mumbled.

**Grif: "I'm confused."**

**Sarge: "If yer lucky, you may even get a copper rectum."**

"Lucky?" Ruby questioned.

 **Simmons: "Sir, wouldn't it be better if we** _ **didn't**_ **do that, instead of doing it?"**

**Sarge: "Goood thinkin', Simmons. But no I like the removin' the guts thing, so I think we stick with that."**

**Grif: "Yes sir I** **hate** **to agree with the kissass, but wouldn't it be better if we just got Command to send us another perfectly good, brand new robot instead?"**

**Sarge: "Negative, meat sack. Another new robot could be reprogrammed by our enemies just as easily as Lopez. We need someone we know we can trust!" (looks at Simmons)**

"Is Simmons not getting a choice?" Ruby asked.

"Likely not." Blake answered.

**Simmons: "Aw, fuck me."**

**Sarge: "Or someone whose mental capacity is so** _ **unbelievably**_ **tiny, that he could never be turned against us."**

"Caboose?" Weiss asked.

 **Donut: "Hey,** _ **pink suit**_ **guys. I think it's somebody** _ **else**_ **'s turn in the barrel."**

"He admits its pink!" Nora said happily.

**Sarge: "Then again, maybe we just stick with the trustworthy thing."**

**Simmons: "Ah, you backstabbing ass monkeys!"**

**Sarge: "Now Grif I'll be needing some things from my medicine chest for this operation... Two quarts of vodka?"**

"Why would he need that?" Ruby asked.

"Either he likes drinking or its a way of dulling the pain." Yang answered.

"Dulling the pain..." Ruby mumbled thinking of Qrow.

**Grif: "Check."**

**Sarge: "Eight pounds of vaseline... condensed."**

**Grif: "Check."**

**Sarge: "An old tire iron, preferably metric."**

"Metric?" Ruby asked.

"No idea." Ren said.

**Grif: "Y- ya know, I might have left that in the bathroom."**

**Sarge: "Latest issue of Easy Bake Oven for Kids Monthly."**

"For Kids Monthly?" Pyrrha said.

**Grif: "I'll have to check."**

**Sarge: "Check you mean we have it."**

**Grif: "Check."**

**Sarge: "What I-"**

**Grif: "No not check, I mean I'll** _ **have**_ **to check."**

**Sarge: "Com- come on boy, make sense."**

**Grif: "We don't have it."**

**Sarge: "I ain't got all day. I gotta gut this fish"**

**The scene faded to black.**

"I would not be confident in my doctor if right before a surgery he said that he had to gut this fish." Yang said.

"No sane person would." Blake said.

"Next episode?" Jaune asked.


	31. S2E31 Room for Rent

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls.**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 31- Room for Rent**

" **Room for Rent" appeared on the screen.**

[loud bang from a faraway dorm]

"Did anyone hear that?" Yang asked.

"Hear what?" Ruby asked. "The loud bang?"

"What else?" Weiss asked sighing.

"Are noises like this common near your dorm?" Blake asked Team JNPR.

"Yes but Nora didn't make it, unless she somehow managed to do it in some crazy impossible to imagine way which would not surprise me." Ren explained.

Nora giggled innocently.

**The scene opened to show Tucker looking at Tex in Lopez's body, with Sheila behind her... it... whatever**

**Tucker: "Well Tex, that was a great story. I especially liked the part about Church getting pantsed in high school."**

Yang and Ruby giggled while Jaune sighed.

"So Church was bullied in school." Jaune commented angrily.

"Oh, sorry Jaune." Ruby said.

"Jaune did you get pantsed in school?" Yang asked.

"Ugh, yes." Jaune answered.

"Why not just call them gay?" Yang asked.

"Is there something wrong with being gay?" Blake asked.

"Blake you do know I'm bi right?" Yang asked.

"After our little privacy issue yes." Blake said angrily.

"She had a privacy issue with you too!?" Weiss asked Blake who nodded.

"You two are both taking those moments way out of context." Yang defended.

"What context?" Blake asked.

"N- never mind anyway Jaune you shoulda just called them gay, bully's are ignorant and close minded so it would be an insult to them." Yang said.

"That's good advice, wish I had it back then." Jaune said.

"Awe, well hindsight is 20/20 but think of it this way, a bunch of fine ladies got a glimpse of you without pants!" Yang snickered.

"Yeah, hard not to think about it." Jaune said sarcastically.

Pyrrha was desperately trying to hide her blush.

**Church: "I found that part to be entirely outta context."**

**Tucker: "But I still don't get how we're supposed to stop the A.I."**

**Tex: "I don't remember much from the implantation process..."**

**Fades to some lab with all sorts of devices and machines**

**The scene showed a computer with the words "-Cortana 1 0 Cryostorage**

**(Priority Alpha)**

**unseal the hushed Casket"**

"Priority Alpha." Ren muttered looking through his notes. "Hmmm Blue base is Alpha base."

 **Tex: "I** _ **do**_ **remember that the A.I. can be transmitted from host to host, by way of the helmet radios. Before I learned anything else, the A.I. took over and we escaped."**

**Fade back to the blues**

**Tex: "If we can kill the A.I. and not give it a place to jump, we'll beat it."**

**Church: "And then I can have my body back. Deal?"**

**Tex: "Deal."**

**Church: "Alright. Tex and I will possess Caboose then. Tucker, we need you to work on the reds. Get 'em to turn off their helmet radios, so that O'Malley won't have anywhere to go, once we get him outta there."**

"Good plan." Pyrrha commented.

**Tex: "Right."**

**Tucker: "What? How the hell am I gonna do that?"**

**Church: "I don't know, come up with a plan."**

**Tucker: "Come on, you know how I feel about plans."**

**Tex: "You're not gonna have much time once we get in there, so move fast."**

**Tucker: "Oh I see. You have no idea what I should do or how I should do it, but whatever I do I should do it fast."**

"Terrible teamwork." Blake commented.

"Speaking of that We need to work on ours." Jaune said to his team.

"After the show." Nora said.

**Church: "Yeah that's right."**

**Tex: "Yep."**

**Tucker: "Wow, you guys are a** _ **lot**_ **of help."**

**Church: "Try shifting your paradigm. Think outside the box."**

**Tucker: "Hey, the box is there for a reason. I** _ **like**_ **thinking inside of it. I feel safe in there."**

"Thinking outside the box is pretty much the way we fight." Yang said to her teammates.

"Thinking inside the box is safe though." Weiss said.

"What box?" Nora asked. "If you aren't thinking crazy in a fight you're predictable!"

"That's a good mindset but you should remember to think _sane_ when not in a fight." Weiss said to Nora.

"A fight can happen anytime!" Nora explained.

"That explains a lot." Ren mumbled.

**Church: "Okay Tex, ladies first."**

"What a gentleman." Yang said sarcastically.

**Tex: "Yeah right! You think I'm gonna leave you alone out here with your body?"**

**Church: "Bitch."**

**Tex: "Nice try.** _**Leonard."** _

"Leonard?" Ruby said confused.

"Hmm, must be Church's first or middle name." Ren said.

"Leonard Church? I wonder what the others names are." Pyrrha said.

**Church: "Hey Caboose!"**

**Caboose: (turning to face Church) "Huh?"**

**Church: "Heads up!"**

**Church runs up and enters Caboose's body, then Tex leaves Lopez's body and enters it too**

**O'Malley: "Noooo!"**

**Scene flashes to the inside of Caboose's mind. Tex is black again, and Church is a lightish ...grey**

**Church: "Where are we?"**

**Tex: "We're in** _ **side**_ **Caboose's** _ **mind**_ **. Now we just have to find O'Malley and kill him."**

"Inside Caboose's mind, wow." Weiss muttered.

"This is going to be fun." Blake said sarcastically.

Pyrrha nodded unsarcastically in agreement.

**Church: "Man this is kinda weird."**

**Tex: "It's hard to get used to, I know."**

**Church: "No it's not that..."**

**Fades to Caboose's body saying Church's words, in Church's voice**

**Church: "...it's just this place is a whole lot bigger than I thought it would be."**

Yang, Ruby, and Nora laughed.

**Tucker: "Caboose, are you okay buddy?"**

**Caboose: "This place is a lot bigger than I thought it** _ **would**_ **be."**

"So he says everything they do?" Ruby asked.

"Looks like it, I wonder what it would be like if Tex and Church argued." Yang said.

"I wonder what would happen if they talked over each other." Jaune added.

**Tucker: "Oh...kay. I'm gonna take Sheila and Lopez and figure out some way to get the reds to shut off their radios."**

**Caboose: "Where should we start, Tex?"**

**Tucker: "What?"**

**Fades from Caboose to Church, in Church's voice**

**Church: "I said, where should we start, Tex?"**

**Tex: "Just keep your eyes peeled. (Tucker comes down the ramp behind her) I guarantee, O'Malley will come looking for** _**us** _ **."**

"Tucker? How is he in there!" Ruby yelled.

"Is he dead!" Nora yelled.

**Church: "Hey Tucker, is that you?"**

**Tucker: "No, what are you, stupid? Oh wait, yes, I** _ **am**_ **me. I guess** _ **I'm**_ **stupid."**

"Huh?" Weiss mumbled.

**Church: "What're you doing in here? (in the background, someone runs up a long ramp) You're supposed to be out there working on your part of the plan!"**

**Tucker: "Do you have any food? I love to eat all the food."**

"Hmm." Ren muttered.

**Church: "What the hell? What's the matter with you?"**

**Tex: "This isn't really Tucker. We're in Caboose's head. This is Caboose's** _ **mental image**_ **of Tucker."**

"Ohhhh." Ruby and Nora said.

"How Caboose sees the world. I've always wondered how it feels to be really stupid." Weiss said.

"Why do you have to wonder?" Yang asked with a big grin on her face.

Weiss scoffed and ignored her.

"Sorry Weiss but come on you set that up so perfectly." Yang explained.

**Mental Tucker: "Man I am so unbelievably stupid!"**

**Church: "Well that's great. Everyone we meet in here is bound to be as brain-dead as Caboose then."**

**Mental Caboose: "I would not be so sure of that, Mister Church."**

"Don't tell me his mental image is a genius." Blake said.

"Hmm looks that way." Ren said.

**Fade to the red base, Grif and Sarge talking**

**Grif: "Great idea sir, I finally agree with you."**

**Donut: "Hey guys, we might have a problem here. Somebody, and I'm not gonna say who, might have thought that one of the cyborg parts we needed for Simmons' surgery, was a cup holder. And** _**some** _ **body, not naming any names here, might have left it, along with their favorite smooth jazz compilation CD, in the Warthog. I just don't know who would do such a thing."**

"It was him." Ruby said smiling.

"Obviously, but smooth jazz? Terrible taste in music." Weiss commented.

"I would think you would like that style of music." Blake said.

"I'm surprised you don't like it." Pyrrha added.

"Why? Because I'm from Atlas?" Weiss asked.

"Yeah pretty much." Yang answered for them.

"What music do you like?" Weiss asked Yang.

"Dubstep and remixes." Yang answered. "What about you?"

"Classical but with vocals and lyrics." Weiss answered.

"There's the Atlas style music." Blake said.

"Well what do you like?" Weiss asked.

"Nothing really, hard to listen to music privately when you have two sets of ears." Blake answered. "Too much extra noise."

"Oh..." Weiss said as Blake chuckled.

**Grif: "Was it you?"**

**Donut: "Yeah- uh- no! (clears throat, then lowers voice) I mean, no! ...Dammit!"**

**Sarge: "Grif. You and easy listening stroll on down to retrieve that part from the Warthog,** _**post-haste!"** _

**Grif: "Sir, do you think it's safe to be outside the base right now? For all we know, the blues could have already fixed their tank. They could be advancing on us as we speak."**

**Sarge: "Ah, corn dogs. Even with Lopez helpin' 'em, it'll take them** _ **months**_ **to get that tank online, much less to get it movin' again."**

**Donut: "I hope you're right, because if I see that tank headed towards me, I'm totally gonna freak out."**

**Camera zooms across the Gulch to Tucker in front of the tank, with Lopez beside it**

**Tucker: "Man, I sure hope they don't totally freak out when they see us coming."**

**The screen faded to Black.**

"Welp, next episode is gonna be the reds totally freaking out." Yang said.

"So play it." Nora ordered.

Jaune complied.

**-Criminal's SS- Not Canon**

Faraway in a distant dorm room a few minutes ago and very very angry half Maiden punched a hole in her dorms wall.

"My dear Emerald." Cinder started as she calmed down a little. "I do not care if you think the show is stupid, somehow _my_ scroll got hacked after the CCT as I have explained countless times. Somehow this show was put on _my_ scroll and the only lead we have is _the show_ so we will _watch_ the show and we _will_ find out who did this." Cinder finished coldly.

"Yeah lighten up Emmy, the show is pretty funny." Mercury laughed with popcorn in hand.

Cinder glared at her subordinate angrily before pushing down her emotions and cooling down her anger into a cold and calculated rage.

"And you Mercury, I do not care if you think the show is _funny_ you will pay attention to it and look for clues instead of LAUGHING at their jokes!" Cinder calmly smiled, but in a way that might as well have said 'Do what I say or else.'

Cinder calmly left the room.

Mercury let out a relieved sigh.

"I've never seen her so worked up before." Mercury said to Emerald.

"It's probably because her plan is in danger, we have to watch a stupid show, and you are laughing at it which is _not_ helping!" Emerald said angrily.

"How can I help? It's not like we got any info about the show! Not a note, not a message, not a clue! Just 100 megafucks of storage space taken up." Mercury said angrily.

"Oh how sad it must be for you, you can't add to your porn folder. Forgive me if I don't weep at your plight." Emerald said angrily.

"CHILDREN! I can hear you arguing from here!" Cinder yelled angrily from the bathroom.

"Try to enjoy it Em, it's not like we have anything else to do before the festival." Mercury said with a smile on his face.

Emerald's eye twitched at Mercury's smug look. "UGH!" she threw her arms in the air.

* * *

 **So I think you should all thank axel100 for the amazing idea he had which is of course this "Side Story" It's basically an Omake which means extra or bonus in Japanese. But since I am not a weeb and do not like anime I will not call it omake.(and since I'm not gonna copy Coeur Al'Aran who does Omake's) and before you say anything, I know RWBY is technically an Anime but it doesn't have anything that I consider shitty anime cliche's**. **I do have an anime-esc profile picture so my opinion about anime isn't valid.**

**So anyway let me know what you think of the side story and let me know if you have any suggestions because the whole reason I'm having this side story is because of a Suggestion.**

**Pm me any suggestions you have and I will consider them.**


	32. S2E32 Me, Myself, and You

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls.**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 32- Me, Myself, and You**

" **Me, Myself and You" appeared on the screen with the usual theme song.**

The usual four hummed the theme again.

**The scene opened to show Church, Tex, Mental Tucker, and Mental Caboose inside Caboose's mind**

**Mental Caboose: "I see. So you're from the outside. That's where the other is from as well."**

"Wow he actually sounds smart in here." Weiss said.

**Church: "The other... wait, you mean O'Malley? Have you seen him?"**

**Mental Church: "(high pitched voice) Of course he's seen him you** _**idiot** _ **! You think Mister Caboose would miss something like that you skeezy douchebag fuck?"**

"I've never heard Dad curse so much." Ruby said surprised.

"It just sounds like your dad, it's not." Weiss said.

"I know I know, it's just that he sounds exactly like him." Ruby explained.

"Caboose's mental image of Church is pretty weird." Jaune said.

"It's pretty funny." Yang said chuckling.

**Mental Caboose: "I-"**

**Church: "Hold on a second. Who the hell are you?"**

**Mental Church: "My name is Church, buttwiping assmunch."**

"I'm learning so many new words!" Nora said happily.

"Nora!" Ren scolded.

"Don't worry Nora, I'm learning a lot too!" Yang said equally as happy.

"What has this show done." Blake said with her head in her hands.

**Church: "This guy's kind of an asshole."**

**Tex: "Yeah, we've met."**

**Mental Church: "And I'm Caboose's best friend, so don't get any ideas about kissing up you limp licking fuck sock!"**

Yang and Nora started laughing. "Fuck sock." Nora said in between laughs.

**Church: "Okay. There's a lot of stuff in that sentence, that I didn't like."**

**Tex: "Just play along, Church. We're gonna need these guys if we're gonna find O'Malley."**

**Mental Tucker: "I'm gonna go look for girls."( runs off)**

"Well Tucker seems pretty accurate." Pyrrha commented to some laughs.

**Church: "Fine, (under breath) whatever."**

**Mental Caboose: "If you want to find O'Malley, I suggest we talk to the reds first. He tried to recruit them against me early on."**

**Church: "The reds... the reds are in here?"**

**Fade to Grif and Donut behind the tipped-over Warthog**

**Grif: "Well are you** _ **sure**_ **you left the part in there?"**

 **Donut: "Hmm think so. Wait... Yes. No. Wait- wait wait- wait... mmmmmmmmngh... I** _ **think**_ **so."**

**Grif: "(sighs) Alright, let's retrace your steps. You said it was the Tuesday before Simmons and Sarge got blown up that you were last in the Warthog, right?"**

"Sounds like me trying to help Nora." Ren whispered to Jaune who chuckled.

 **Donut: "Right. I know it was Tuesday because that's the day I wash my underwear. And since I don't like to let my armor touch my bare skin, on account of I chafe,** _ **really**_ **easily, I remember thinking: where can I hang out with no pants on?"**

**Donut glanced at the Warthog**

"Gross" Weiss said.

**Grif: "** _**Oh God!"** _

"See Yang? That was how I felt when we had our 'Privacy' incident." Blake said making air quotes.

"What happened?" Jaune asked.

"She-" Blake started.

"No no no no! You're going to change the story!" Yang yelled.

"Oh you want to tell it? By all means please explain how I caught _you_ in my bed with no _underwear!_ " Blake yelled.

Yang was blushing furiously at all the attention and Ruby was groaning with her head in her hands.

"See! You're already changing the story, I had pants on and I wasn't _in_ your bed I was looking through the blankets. I was looking for my underwear and I thought I saw a pair of mine in your bed." Yang explained.

"What would a pair of your underwear be doing in my bed?" Blake asked.

Yang grinned. "Yeah, why would it? Explain that!"

"I don't have to because it didn't happen." Blake said smugly.

Yang sighed, facepalmed, and hit play on Jaune's scroll.

**Cut to Tucker driving Sheila, and Lopez running ahead**

**Tucker: "Okay, well, looks like we're close enough. Now if I can just find the brakes on this thing... Ah, must be this button."**

**Sheila: "Do** _ **not**_ **touch that button."**

 **Tucker: "Oh, sorry. Hmm... Maybe it's** _ **this**_ **one."**

**Sheila: "Do not touch me."**

**Tucker: "You know, for a girl your size you're kinda sensitive."**

"Tucker is like the male version of Yang." Weiss commented.

"Oh real funny Weiss." Yang said as Blake laughed. "I'm nothing like him, he's a man whore."

"Girls can't really be perverts." Jaune commented.

"Wow Jaune, that's sexist." Yang commented sarcastically.

"Women can absolutely be perverts, case and point Yang." Weiss said.

**Cut back to Grif and Donut**

**Grif: "I cannot take any more of this."**

**Donut: "So after I clipped my toenails, I was gonna apply the ointment as recommended, but I don't know- it just smelled really funny. So, I decided to taste it, just to make sure it was safe."**

"It smelled funny and he tasted it? Hmpf!" Weiss gagged.

"Ugh, I once thought detergent was Lemonade." Jaune said quickly.

Jaune was about to hit play before Yang stopped him.

"Wait what! You drank Detergent?" Yang said.

"Yeah a long time ago, It had a lemon on it so I thought it was lemonade." Jaune shrugged.

"Where was it?" Yang asked.

"Under the dishwasher." Jaune said blushing.

"What?! So you saw Detergent and thought 'woah! Weird place for lemonade, glug glug glug.'" Yang said laughing.

"I was five!" Jaune defended.

**Grif: "That's it; I'm committing suicide" (runs off)**

**Donut: "Hey... I didn't finish retracing my steps yet. You don't even know what I did about the boil on my thigh."**

Weiss and Blake groaned.

**Grif:(turns) "Oh crap!"**

**Camera zips over to the tank, then cuts back to Grif, who runs back behind the jeep**

**Donut: "Hey, you're back! So where was I... Oh yeah. I** _ **lanced**_ **it. Dis** _ **gusting**_ **. Woohohoha. Noohohaha."**

"So. Disgusting." Weiss mumbled.

**Grif: "Not now rookie! There's a giant tank out there that's about to steam roll right over us!"**

**Donut: "What!? (jumps twice to see over the jeep, sees the tank) Oh God it's true! I'm totally freakin' out!** _**I'm freaking out!"** _

**Cut to the tank**

**Tucker: "Oh my God. I can't believe Caboose is smart enough to drive this thing and I'm not. Sheila how the fuck do I slow you down?"**

"Why not just ask her?" Ruby said.

"Not smart enough like Caboose." Yang answered.

**Sheila: "Retard the throttle."**

**Tucker: "What throttle, this throttle?"**

**Sheila: "Retard the controller."**

**Tucker: "You mean this thing? What are you talking about, I'm so confused!"**

**Sheila: "The controller, retard."**

**Tucker: "Hey, that's kind of insulting."**

**Sheila: "Retard. Retard. Retard. Retard."**

**Tucker: "Oh come on, now you're just being mean."**

**Sheila: "Retard. Retard. ... ... ... Retard."**

**The scene faded to black.**

"That was really really offensive." Blake said.

"Who cares, next episode!" Yang yelled.

**—Criminals SS—-Maybe Canon**

"Damnit Mercury! It's not that funny!" Emerald yelled.

Mercury continued to laugh.

"Children please." Cinder sighed. "Play the next one." She ordered.

"Yes ma'am." Emerald said as she hit play.


	33. S2E33 An Audience of Dumb

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls.**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 33- An Audience of Dumb**

" **An Audience of Dumb" appeared on the screen with the theme music.**

"An Audience of Dumb, funny title." Jaune commented.

"Probably referencing Caboose's mental images of everyone else." Ren explained.

**The scene opened to show Tucker in Sheila is advancing on the red base, with Lopez running along**

**Tucker: "Ah, Sheila, we have To slow down or we're gonna run in to that jeep!"**

**Sheila: "Please, take evasive action. Please,** _**take evasive action** _ **."**

"I thought she could drive herself." Ruby said disappointed.

"Still hot and bothered over weaponry." Yang said sighing.

Ruby blushed. "No I'm not!"

 **Tucker: "** _ **You**_ **take evasive action. Hey Lopez, help me out, can't you talk to her?"**

**Lopez: "Perdóneme, pero no puedo hablar con mujeres bella."**

**Caption: I'm sorry. I'm not good at talking to beautiful women.**

**Lopez: "Porque sudo."**

**Caption: I get sweaty.**

"Can robots sweat?" Jaune asked.

Ruby thought about all her time with Penny. "No." She answered.

"Ruby you act like you're an expert on robots." Weiss said. "What makes you so qualified.

"Uhhhhhh, nothing." Ruby said.

"Ruby, something has been bugging you, I noticed a while ago. It's so easy to tell when you're hiding something." Yang said.

"Wh- what? Spfft no its not! And and I'm not hiding anything." Ruby said awkwardly.

Everyone groaned, sighed, or a combination of the two.

**Cut to Donut and Grif huddling behind the jeep for warmth (hiding from the tank)**

**Donut: "Well old buddy, it looks like this is the end for us. Since we're gonna die anyway, there's only one thing left for us to do. Grif-"**

Yang held her breath.

 **Grif: "If you actually suggest what I think you're** _ **about**_ **to suggest, I'll just have to kill myself."**

**Donut: "Let's make a break for it!"**

"Awe I thought he was going to say something else." Yang said disappointed.

"How sad for you." Blake said sarcastically.

 **Grif: "(sigh of relief) In that case let's go on three. That's worked well for** _ **me**_ **in the past."**

"Oh cool, they're referencing the time Simmons and Grif ran from the tank." Jaune pointed out.

"Reusing jokes." Weiss sighed.

"They do it in a way that is not boring or tired." Pyrrha defended.

**Donut: "Okay, you count."**

**Grif: "Fine, but don't look at me while I count, because, I get nervous."**

**Grif turns away from Donut, who runs away**

**Grif: "One... Two... (turns around and sees Donut has already fled) That son of a bitch. He beat me at my own game. Curses!"**

**The tank hits the jeep, sending it and Grif flying, as well as Lopez**

**Lopez: "(in flight) Ayayay... Frejoles."**

**Donut runs in to the red base, with Simmons and Sarge**

**Sarge: "Good golly Miss Molly, what is going on out there?"**

**Donut: "Sir. The blues are attacking with their tank. Th- they blew up the Warthog. Again."**

**Simmons: "I wonder what jeeps ever did to** _ **those**_ **guys."**

**Donut: "Grif and I just barely had enough time to make it outta there. Right Grif? Uh, uh... Grif?"**

"He ran away instead of going on three, without telling Grif how did he not know?" Weiss asked.

"Stop over analyzing." Yang said.

"Stop defending." Weiss shot back.

"Stop talking." Blake ordered.

**Fade to Caboose's mind**

**Church: "Why the hell did they pair me up with** _**you** _ **?"**

**Mental Church: "I want to keep my eye on you! I don't trust gigantic turds to try and steal my best friend you rimjob!"**

Yang was laughing and rolling on the floor. "I wonder if this was how Dad was when he was a kid!"

"From the stories we've heard over the years, he was a lot worse." Ruby said.

"I dread the day I ever have to meet your father." Weiss said.

"And the same goes for yours." Yang said.

"I also dread meeting with him again." Weiss sighed.

**Church: "Well... This is going to be a great trip..."**

**Mental Church: "Attention reds! The great Caboose demands an audience with you! So listen up ya blowjobbing cocksuckers!"**

"Thats double the sucking." Yang said laughing. Nora laughed at her joke while Ruby sighed.

**Below, the reds start emerging from behind pillars**

**Mental Simmons: "Caboose? Oh, no, he's come to kill us!"**

**Mental Grif: "Will someone please help me, I don't wanna die."**

**Mental Donut: "(girl's voice) I love Caboose, and yet I'm still afraid of him."**

"Do they still think Donut is a girl?" Ruby asked.

"They haven't met him before have they?" Yang asked looking at Ren and Jaune.

Ren answered first. "They met him but that was back when he had regulation Red armor."

**Mental Sarge: "(pirate accent) Arrrr... I be havin' a southern accent, yor'll."**

"What kind of accent is that?" Weiss asked.

"Hmm, none that I know of." Ren answered.

**Mental Donut: "He's so scary."**

**Mental Caboose: "Fear not reds, I come here not to destroy. But instead to ask for your assistance on this day."**

"Why is Caboose so smart in his head?" Ruby asked.

"He also acts tougher." Yang said.

"Well people always think of themselves as smarter and stronger in their own mind." Jaune explained. "Either that or they think they're worse than they actually are."

"Kind of like how you used to think." Yang commented.

Jaune chuckled.

"He's come a long way." Pyrrha said smiling.

 **Church: "Okay whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. I gotta correct a couple things I'm hearin' here. (to Mental Church) First of all you? You're not Caboose's best friend, okay? You don't** _ **have**_ **a best friend. You know why? You don't need one! You're Church! Knowing other people just waters down the experience. Live the dream buddy!"**

"He sounds quite full of himself." Pyrrha commented.

"I'm still surprised you weren't full of yourself when we met." Weiss said.

Pyrrha chuckled. "Yeah, you kind of were though." Pyrrha said before realization of what she said showed on her face. "Oh I'm sorry Weiss I didn't mean to-"

"No no It's fine Pyrrha, I was going to use you to get popular, I thought we would be the queens of the school." Weiss said laughing at her past stupidity.

"I never was full of myself, I don't know why. In a fight I could be full of myself though. I- I could never lose." Pyrrha explained. "I was so competitive but it was hurting people around me, I even made huntsmen and huntresses to be stop trying because they lost hope when they couldn't land a single hit." She explained sadly.

"Pyrrha thats not your fault, if they could lose their will so easily, its better for them to lose it early than later when it could harm them." Weiss tried and failed to comfort.

The look on Pyrrha's face showed Weiss what she said did not help.

"I'm sorry Pyrrha I-"

"It's fine Weiss I know what you meant." Pyrrha said. "Lets just watch."

**Mental Church: "Shove it, dicksniffer!"**

**Church: "And Caboose? Come on dude, seriously? Have you paid attention to our enemies for one second?"**

**Mental Caboose: "I beg your pardon?"**

**Church: "First of all, that guy? He's not yellow. He's orange. And since when is there a girl on the red team?"**

**Mental Donut: "My favorite thing is pretty dresses."**

"Is this really how Caboose sees women?" Weiss asked.

"Guess so, it's a young child's view." Pyrrha commented.

**Mental Sarge: "Arrr, I got termites in me leg."**

**Church: "** _**And that is not a southern accent** _ **."**

"So Sarge has a southern accent normally." Ren mumbled.

**Mental Sarge: "Arrr..."**

**Mental Donut: "Do you have any tampons?"**

All the girls cringed or laughed.

**Church: "Seriously what is the matter with you people?"**

**Tex: "Calm down, Church."**

**Mental Grif: "Don't kill us mister sidekick."**

**Mental Church: "Hey buttbrunch! I'm Caboose's sidekick, not him! So shut your piehole!"**

**Mental Church gets shot in the chest, and falls to the lower level**

"Oh shit." Yang mumbled.

**Church: "Leonard, are you okay?"**

**Mental Church: "(stands up) Oh please, that fudgefinger couldn't hit me. No wait, I'm gonna die. Hergh! Blow me."**

Weiss groaned. "So immature and stupid." She mumbled.

"Weiss whats your problem?" Yang asked.

"I just, I don't like the show its so childish and stupid." Weiss explained.

"You're the only one here who doesn't like it." Yang said.

"Actually I don't like it either." Blake said. "I only like the dialogue and some jokes but it gets overly offensive at times."

"You two are just wet blankets." Yang said sighing.

"I like shows with good storytelling." Weiss explained. "I will admit I thought some of the jokes were clever but overall, I do not like the show."

"Well, I guess that's more than I could have hoped for." Yang said.

"Well I love the show." Nora said. "It's really funny."

"Me too!" Ruby agreed.

"How have we never hung out before?" Yang said to Nora. "Seriously have you ever been partying?"

"No no no!" Ren said quickly. "If you take her out partying you have to agree to deal with her."

"Um...ok how hard can it be?" Yang said.

"He wrote a contract." Nora said laughing.

"Really?" Ruby asked.

Pyrrha and Jaune laughed. "Yes we read it." Jaune said.

"Ok, well after we finish the season we are going partying, I know the _perfect_ club." Yang said with an evil glint in her eyes.

"Sounds good! We could be partners in crime!" Nora said happily.

"We'll break legs together!" Yang yelled to Nora who beamed with joy.

"We're going to end up dealing with both of them aren't we." Ruby whispered to Ren who nodded. Ren sighed and motioned for Jaune to hit play, the faster they finished the season the faster the two could go out partying. Which meant more rest for him before he had to deal with Nora.

**Tex: "There he is!"**

**Camera zooms in on O'Malley behind a sniper rifle**

**O'Malley: "Muhahahaha!"**

**Tex: "Let's go get him."**

**Church: "Alright, come on Caboose, let's go."**

**Mental Caboose: "I am sorry, have we met?"**

Weiss chuckled lightly, it was one of the few jokes she liked.

**Church: "What? It's me, Church."**

**Mental Caboose: "I don't seem to have any memory of you. My name is Michael J. Caboose. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance."**

"Michael J. Caboose." Ren mumbled.

"I wonder if they all go by their last names." Jaune said.

"Sarge and Donut are pretty weird last names." Ruby said.

**Church: "Oh you gotta be freaking kidding me. I just hope Tucker's doing a better job out there gettin' the reds to turn off their radios."**

**Cut to Tucker trying to get the reds to turn off their radios. The front of Sheila is right up against the side of the red base**

**Tucker: "God dammit. This isn't going very well at all. You okay Lopez?"**

**Lopez: "No pueden tocar Lopez la Pesado."**

**Caption: Lopez the Heavy is impervious to injury.**

"I wonder why he calls himself Lopez the Heavy." Blake said.

"There was some spanish he spoke before subtitles so once I learn the language I can go back and check." Ren offered.

"Do you really think you can learn a whole language just from watching a show?" Blake asked.

"Possibly." Ren answered.

"Super smart!" Nora said waving her hands.

**Tucker: "Whatever you big showoff. How 'bout you Sheila, you still online?"**

**Sheila: "Affirmative."**

**Tucker: "Okay. We should be close enough to hack in to their radio frequency. Lopez, get inside Sheila and do your business."**

**Sheila: "What?"**

**Lopez: "¡Esto me haciendo muy suderoso!"**

**Caption: I'm getting very sweaty!**

"Really? How can Robots be shy." Blake said.

Ruby was about to say something but stopped herself.

**Tucker: "Oh my God. Remind me to hose you two off when we get back to base."**

**Cut to the reds inside**

**Sarge: "Well this is a devil of a picadillo. Simmons, get on the squak box and tell command that-"**

**Radio noises**

**Tucker: "Red guys? Are you there?"**

**Sarge: "What in buttery goodness? Who is this!?"**

**Tucker: "It's me Tucker, I'm one of the blue guys. Look I don't have time to explain, but I need all of you guys to shut off your radios right now."**

"Never listen to the enemy." Weiss mumbled.

"What was that?" Yang asked.

"Oh, just some lessons my sister taught me about being in the military." Weiss said.

"Do you and your sister get along well?" Blake asked.

"Yeah, its hard being away from her all the time but, she was the only nice person in the entire family." Weiss said.

"What about your mom?" Ruby asked.

"Too drunk to care." Weiss said sadly.

Instead of saying anything Ruby hugged Weiss.

**Sarge: "Boy, it'll be a cooooold day in hell before I take orders from** _**you** _ **."**

**Tucker: "Look it's really important, alright? Normally I would just shoot at you guys and steal your girlfriends, but today is different! I need you to trust me on this."**

**Sarge: "Well I may have spoke too soon. That is an interesting and well thought out, not to mention clever and** _ **timely**_ **I might add proposition. Simmons, would you care to deliver our rebuttal?"**

**Simmons: "(clears throat very deliberately) Suck it blue!"**

"How dare they be so rude to blue team!" Nora yelled.

"Why do you even like Blue team? I thought Donut was your favorite character?" Weiss asked.

"Donut can switch sides." Nora said smugly.

 **Donut: "Yeah, suck it blue! Now that's what I call an** _ **old school**_ **zinger. In your face blue dude, in your** _ **face!"**_

**Tucker: "(exhales) Oh man."**

**Cut to Caboose's mind. O'Malley makes a long jump down a bridge**

**O'Malley: "Muhahahaha!"**

**Tex: "Hurry up Church, he's gettin' away!"**

**O'Malley: "You'll never catch me!"**

**Church: "Come on, let's go!"**

**Tex and Church jump down after O'Malley and continue chasing him. Church's armor is now shown to be white, it was a shadow making it look grey. Cut back to Tucker**

**Tucker: "Dammit. These guys are not backing down. Lopez, looks like we're gonna have to go to Plan B."**

**Lopez: "Sí, yo entiendo."**

**Lopez hops out of the tank, and tacky love background music starts**

**playing. A caption reads: "Lopez the Heavy. "Mi Amor Tiene un Canon Grande" Señor el Roboto Club Mix '04. Metal2Metal Records. Directed by: Pvt. Tucker"**

"What?" Blake said confused.

**Lopez: "La primera vez que vi sus pisadas"**

**Caption:** _**The first time I saw your treads** _

**Lopez: "Y sus puerto del acero"**

**Caption:** _**And enormous chassis of steel** _

"Wow this is really bad." Yang said.

"It's possibly the worst song I've ever heard." Blake said.

"Sounds like Jaune's serenade." Weiss said.

"Hey!...yeah you're probably right. Can't believe I ever did that." Jaune said blushing.

"I thought it was really sweet." Pyrrha said. "Would have been sweeter if it was to me." Pyrrha said under her breath.

"What was that?" Jaune asked confused.

"Hmmm?" Pyrrha hummed feigning ignorance.

**Sarge: "What in Betty's bloomers is on the radio now?"**

**Lopez: "Supe que había encontrado alguien"**

**Caption:** _**I knew that I had found someone** _

**Sarge: "It sounds like the feral cry of a retarded Mexican sasquatch!"**

**Simmons: "Turn it offff! Turn it offff! Please God, make it stop!"**

**Lopez: "Para compartir un verdadero..."**

**Caption:** _**To share a robot love so real** _

**Donut: "Oh man this rules! Rules!**

"Of course _Donut_ would like it." Yang said.

"I'm going to need to listen to one of my own songs to get this out of my head." Ruby said grabbing her headphones.

"Me too." Yang said grabbing hers.

Everyone proceeded to grab their own devices to listen to a song.

**Cut to O'Malley running, being cut off by Tex and Church**

"Oh, never mind it stopped!" Ruby said happily.

"Good!" Nora said tossing her headphones back.

**O'Malley: "Ouh?"**

**Church: "Alright O'Malley, this is it! From now on, if anybody makes my girlfriend cranky and psychotic, it's gonna be me."**

"That's...kind of sweet." Blake said.

**Tex: "Aw, that's sweet."**

**Church: "Shut up bitch."**

**Tex: "Asshole."**

"Awe, true love." Yang said sarcastically.

**O'Malley: "Nevar! The darkness will swallow you whole!"**

**Church: "Forget it O'Malley. You're just one big headache, and I got a whole pistol-full of Aspirin."**

"Aspirin?" Jaune said confused.

**Tex: "What?"**

**Church: "I got half a mind to kill you..."**

**Tex: "That's ridiculous."**

**Church: "And the other half agrees."**

**Tex: "Oh, Church, that's just stupid."**

"These sound like bad Spruce Willis one liners." Weiss said, Blake nodded.

"What?" Jaune and Ruby said offended.

"Spruce Willis movies are awesome!" Ruby said.

"Yeah! The one where one of the fragments of the moon threatens to destroy Remnant and he has to go up to it and blow it up with a huge bomb was amazing!" Jaune said.

"Ar-Moon-Geddon." Yang said laughing at her stupid joke.

Everyone groaned or sighed, including Nora.

**Church: "You're about to split..."**

**Tex: "God Church..."**

"God church." Yang chuckled.

"Church is a weird name, why would someone name their kid after a building." Ruby asked.

"Church is his last name." Ren corrected.

"That's even worse." Blake said.

**Church: "Personality!"**

**Lopez's music starts fading in**

"Nooooooo!" Ruby screamed.

**Tex: "Now you're just embarassing yourself."**

**Church: "Syke!"**

**Cut to the reds, the music still coming strong over the radio, no lyrics though**

**Sarge: "That's it, I've had enough! Can't take any more! Everybody, switch, off, your radio!"**

**Donut: "But Saarge!"**

**Sarge: "That's an order, Private."**

**Donut: "Sarge pleeeeeeeeeeease?"**

"Ugh shut up Donut!" Jaune yelled.

**Sarge: "Don't try my patience, boy."**

**Donut: "Aw man!"**

**Angle changes to behind Tucker, who was actually on the red base looking down at the reds**

**Tucker: "(running back to the tank) Ah, hoohoohoohoo, it worked! Hey, turn off your radio, quick!"**

"It was admittedly a smart plan." Weiss commented.

"Sounds like one Ruby or Nora would think up." Blake said.

"Awe." The two girls in question said.

**The music stops... fuck that was annoying... cut to Tex**

**Tex: "Nice knowing you O'Malley, but payback's a bitch, and so am I."**

**Church: "Wait, Tex, we don't know if Tucker's had enough time."**

**Tex: "There's only one way to find out."**

**Crossfire.**

**O'Malley: "Noooooo!"**

**Screen goes black. Fades back in on Church**

**Church: "Huh. He just disappeared. I expected like, an echoing laugh, er... you know the smell of brimstone, at least. I don't smell any kinda stone. Do you think that's weird Tex? Tex? Tex, where'd you go?"**

"Hmm." Ren mumbled.

**Fades to the black of the closing credit screen, and Tex's cool music plays to conclusion.**

"Was that it? Was that the end?" Ruby asked.

"It can't be can it?" Yang asked.

"No no look, the music is stopping." Jaune pointed out.

**Suddenly snaps back to a close-in shot of Caboose**

**Church: "(from inside Caboose) Tex, where'd you go!?"**

**Camera pulls back from Caboose, and a clear beeping can be heard**

**Church: "How do I get outta here!? What happened to O'Malley!?"**

"This is getting good." Yang mumbled.

**Camera backs up and in to the sky, giving a broad view of the Gulch, and the beeping slowly dies, as the screen fades out. The beeping was Morse Code: "Cockbites" suddenly radio sounds are heard, and the screen fades back in**

**Doc: "Come in Blue Command, do you read me?"**

**Camera quickly moves down and through a passage in the rock, stopping near Doc**

**Doc: "This is Medical Officer Dufresne. Is anyone there? ...Do you read me?"**

**Cut to black.**

"Oh no." Ruby muttered.

"O'Malley is in doc now!" Jaune yelled.

"Was that the end of the season?" Weiss asked.

"No, look. No blurred out credits." Pyrrha pointed out.

"Then play the next one! It's getting so good!" Nora ordered.

**—Criminals SS- Not Canon**

"Hmm, this O'Malley interests me, he seems like the only Clue we have." Cinder said to herself mostly.

"You're probably right Ma'am." Emerald said.

"You would have agreed with anything she said." Mercury whispered.

Instead of replying Emerald hit him but he ignored it.

"What should we do Ma'am?" Emerald asked.

"Keep watching, I am going to gather any information I can." Cinder said walking to the door. "Do behave, if you do not. You _will_ regret it I assure you.


	34. S2E34 Aftermath, Before Biology

**Author's Note:**

**So by the way, something very annoying about Red Vs Blue. The older episodes have some extra lines and the newer versions have extra lines. So basically what I'm doing is going by the transcripts which are of the old episodes, but then I watch the remastered ones and put in the extra lines if there are any. I think this only happens with seasons 1-5 but eh its actually pretty cool seeing the different lines, its rare when there are differences but mostly its at the end of the episodes.**

**For example, at the end of last episode the newer remastered episode ended after Church asks where Tex went. But the older episode had the whole fading to black "a girl named Tex" song playing then after it finished the beeping church panicking and showing Doc.**

**If you want to see the older version just look up "Red vs Blue episode 33" don't click on the one posted by RT click on one of the others, MartyFarty92 and SachiraEvolution posted some of the old episodes on their Youtubes.**

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**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls.**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

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**Chapter 34- Aftermath, Before Biology**

" **Aftermath, Before Biology" appeared on the screen with the theme music.**

Yang started to hum the theme with the others before she started giggling uncontrollably, the giggling turned into hysterical laughter seconds later.

"Whats so funny?" Pyrrha asked confused.

Ruby sighed and pointed at the screen. "Aftermath, Before Biology." Ruby read simply.

"I don't-"

"It's a bad pun Pyrrha." Ruby explained.

Everyone groaned.

Yang was taking in deep breaths trying to calm herself.

Ruby and Weiss groaned while waiting on Yang.

"Was it really that funny?" Pyrrha asked still confused.

"No." Ruby, Weiss, and Blake answered.

**The scene opened to shown the camera Panning view of the sky, Blue Command on the radio. Camera pans and eventually zooms in on a cave**

**Vic: "Hello, dude, come in, doctor dude, are you there, hello. Paaaaging doctor dude, to the radio, stat! I need twenty ccs of what the hell's going on there dude."**

**Doc: "(moan) What happened?"**

**Vic: "Hey, you tell me dude. One minute we're talking about a hole in the wall, the next thing I know you turn in to Grumps McGurt. Sounded like you needed a lozenge. Threatened to eat my children. ...not very cool, dude."**

"O'Malley." Ren mumbled.

**Doc: "Geeze, did I really? I'm sorry, something went wrong with my radio, and I heard this weird, beeping, honking."**

**Vic: "Hey, no offense taken, dude, don't got any kids anyway."**

**Doc: "What?"**

**Vic: "Old Vic's been through the snip and stitch."**

"Snip and stitch?" Ruby asked.

"Vasectomy." Yang explained.

"Oh." Ruby replied.

"Do you need someone to-" Pyrrha started.

"No I'm not a little kid." Ruby said quickly.

"I fear Yang has ruined your innocence." Blake said to Ruby.

"Oh no no no." Yang said. "Even if I wanted to it would be impossible, Ruby is a pure child." Yang said jokingly hugging Ruby.

Ruby huffed and knocked Yang off her.

**Doc: "I don'-"**

**Vic: "If you know what I mean."**

**Doc: "I don't wanna hear about that."**

**Vic: "Winky-Blinky the one eyed Sargeant's firing blanks."**

Yang, Blake, and Nora laughed.

**Doc: "That's weird."**

**Vic: "If you get me."**

**Doc: "Look-"**

**Vic: "Via Condios of the Vas Deferens."**

**Doc: "Yeah alright, I, enough, I get you."**

**Vic: "I mean a vasectomy, dude."**

"I love Vic already, he's funny." Nora said.

"He's annoying." Ruby and Weiss said.

**Doc: "Look, I found something really weird here at Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha."**

**Vic: "Roger that, what did you find?"**

**Doc: "It, it's like a, it's like a thing."**

"Great explanation." Jaune said sarcastically.

**Vic: "It's like a thing. Okaaay, dude. Thank you for the update. I'll be sure to alert the Chief of Staff..."**

**Doc: "Sorry..."**

**Vic: "Move to Defcon 1."**

"Defcon 1?" Nora said confused.

"Probably a state of emergency." Ren answered.

"Vale calls it threat levels right?" Weiss asked.

"Yeah doesn't Atlas call it the same thing?" Yang asked.

"Yeah." Weiss answered.

**Doc: "I'm just a little dazed. It's a big thing. It it's purple, it's uh, it's a big purple thing."**

"Big purple thing?" Yang murmured glancing under her Mattress.

**Vic: "Use your words, dude."**

**Doc: "Look I don't know, it looks like some kinda alien artifact. Do the aliens have like a, home base, or something here?"**

"I hope we get to finally see more of these aliens they talk about." Ren commented.

"Me too, whoever showed us this show clearly has little to no relation to any kingdom or existing culture." Weiss said.

"Because they're-"

"Don't even start Yang." Weiss said quickly shutting Yang up.

**Vic: "I don't know dude, why don't I just consult my Extra Terrestrial Travel Guide for ya. Oh look! Got a great series of alien bed and breakfasts there."**

"Its still weird hearing not only dads voice in Church but his voice again in another character." Yang said talking about Vic.

"Yeah except he's really annoying." Ruby said.

**Doc: "(sigh)"**

**Vic: "Lucky you."**

**Doc: "Never mind. I'll just figure it out myself."**

**Vic: "Nothin' about big purple things though. Maybe it's some kind of alien vehicle."**

**The camera pans down a little so you can see a small part of the ghost.**

"Awe they aren't going to let us see the whole thing are they." Yang said disappointed.

"Whats wrong?" Pyrrha asked.

"Well I don't know if you all noticed but I love cars." Yang explained.

"So if Tucker came up with a Tank he could pick you up." Weiss joked.

...

Blake and Pyrrha started laughing while Ruby and Yang stared at Weiss in shock.

"Oh calm down I can make jokes too!" Weiss yelled.

"No no we know we remember that terrible joke you told after our fight with the Paladin." Yang explained. "Its just that you made a good one."

"I'm honored." Weiss said sarcastically.

"But no, unlike Ruby I am not turned on by weaponry-"

"Hey!"

"Which is why I don't like the Warthog that much and definitely not the Tank." Yang finished.

Weiss nodded and gestured for Jaune to hit play.

**Sound of radio being turned off**

**Doc: "Man, that guy is such a jerk. The next time he talks to me like that, I'm gonna tell him to go straight to H-E-Double Hockey Sticks. Oh, I really shouldn't talk like that, that's not very nice."**

"H- E- double hockey sticks?" Nora asked confused.

"No idea, just another thing we don't understand." Yang said.

**O'Malley: "If I ever meet him, I'm taking his eyes, as souvenirs."**

**Doc: "Whoa, that was unlike me. I must be stressed out. TIME FOR YOGA! (sits down)"**

"What's Yoga?" Nora frowned scratching her chin.

**Cut to Church and Tucker outside the blue base**

**Church: "How's Sheila doing?"**

**Tucker: "I'm not gonna lie, it's not looking pretty. She may have, twisted her differential, possibly some structural damage, ...could be a disc."**

"He actually sounds like he knows something about Tanks." Jaune commented.

**Church: "You have absolutely no idea what you're talking about, do you."**

**Tucker: "Eieh, no, not a clue."**

"Oh" Jaune said disappointed.

**Church: "What about Tex, any sign of her?"**

**Tucker: "No, no Tex. Is it unusual for her to disappear like that?"**

**Church: "When we were dating, she'd sneak off all the time. But it was usually to sleep with other guys, or to spend money that she'd taking out of my wallet. And since I don't have any money, and... well, no offense to** _ **you**_ **Tucker, but..."**

"Wow I suddenly don't like Tex that much." Yang said.

"Cheaters." Blake sighed.

**Tucker: "You're a dick."**

**Cut to the red base**

**Grif: "(moaning in a just-woken state of some kind) ... (same thing, only more like a castrated sheep)"**

**Sarge: "Grif, don't try to move too much, you've been through quite the ordeal."**

**Grif: "Oh, man. Where am I?"**

**Donut: "Hush now shhhhshshshhhshhshhhhh. It was really touch and go there for a while good buddy. But I did it. (inhales) I pulled you through."**

**Grif: "How long was I out?"**

**Sarge: "Don't you worry, Nurse Donut here stayed by your side the whole time, stroking your hand and keepin' you company."**

"Awwwe that's sweet." Nora said.

**Grif: "(groan) My right hand?"**

**Donut: "Your left."**

**Grif: "(sigh) Note to self, cut off left hand."**

"Meanie." Nora mumbled.

 **Sarge: "Technically speaking, it's not really** _ **your**_ **left hand..."**

"What?" Ruby asked confused.

**Grif: "Say what?"**

**Sarge: "I had to replace certain body parts that were** _ **severely**_ **damaged when the tank ran you over. And a few that atrophied from a lifetime diet of hoohoos and bacon flavored marshmallows."**

"Bacon flavored marshmallows!" Nora yelled looking at Ren who sighed.

"Yes Nora, I will make you some when I can." Ren answered before she asked.

**Grif: "Wait- which body parts?"**

**Sarge: "Well let's see, we had to** _ **start**_ **with the shoulder, then we moved on down to the flank..."**

"Flank?" Ren said confused.

**Grif: "Huh?"**

**Donut: "Yeah we couldn't really find an anotomy book..."**

**Sarge: "Made a left turn at the spare rib..."**

**Donut: "But we** _ **did**_ **find one of those pictures with the cow, and the dotted lines all over it..."**

**Donut gestured to said picture.**

**Sarge: "Then up and over the porterhouse..."**

**Donut: "I think it did the trick."**

"How is Grif still alive." Pyrrha mumbled.

**Sarge: "And of course the brisket..."**

**Grif: "Wait-"**

**Sarge: "And the hocks. Oh, the hocks."**

**Grif: "Wait, where did you get the replacement parts?"**

**Sarge: "Why from our other subject, of course."**

**Simmons: "Subject my cyborg ass."**

Everyone but Weiss and Blake chuckled.

**Grif: "No way."**

**Simmons: "Yeah, I'm** _ **real**_ **happy about this myself, numbnuts."**

**Sarge: "Yep, those too."**

Yang giggled at the joke.

**Grif: "Did I get your lips?"**

**Sarge: "Prairie Oysters... the gristle..."**

**Grif: "'Cause maybe** _ **then**_ **I'll finally figure out how to kiss Sarge's** _ **ass**_ **."**

"Oh burn!" Nora yelled.

"Wow, that was quick witted." Weiss said surprised.

Yang was to busy laughing to say anything.

**Sarge: "And the ass."**

**Grif: "What the hell."**

**Sarge: "Naucy bits."**

**Grif: "What** _ **didn't**_ **I get?"**

**Sarge: "We pretty much replaced all the internal organs, and some of the more disgusting external ones. Except for Simmons' spleen, which will be inflated and used for general recreation, and esprit d'ecors."**

"His spleen as a balloon? Gross." Ruby said.

**Grif: "This doesn't seem physically possible."**

**Sarge: "Nonsense. Modern technology makes anything possible. It was as easy as shake'n'bake!"**

**Donut: "And I helped!"**

**Sarge: "Actually Donut, I don't really know if snickering in the corner all night like a prepubescent monkey actually qualifies as help. But it sure was entertaining."**

**Donut: "(sounding like a prepubescent monkey) Mhmhmhmhm... Miah."**

**The screen cut to black.**

"What?" Weiss asked confused at the joke.

"I don't get it either." Yang said.

"Next one?" Jaune asked.

**—-Criminals SS— Not Canon**

"Did you find anything ma'am?" Emerald asked.

Cinder sighed, "no, I thought that team RWBY possibly had some information as it was little Red as Roman calls her who interfered. But they weren't in their dorm."

"Did you talk to team JNPR?" Mercury asked.

"No, one Cardin Winchester interfered, I couldn't risk the buffoon catching me slipping in a dorm not my own." Cinder explained.

"Want me to take care of him? I've been itching to pick a fight ever since the breach." Mercury said casually.

"No. Remember you are not to cause any trouble before the tournament. We do not need unneeded attention and risk." Cinder explained.

"You got it ma'am. So, what are we going to do?" Mercury asked.

"We, we are going to finish this ridiculous show." Cinder said. "Has anything of interest happened in this past episode?"

"No, The nerd is a Cyborg now but that's about it." Mercury said.

"Doc has O'Malley but we already knew that." Emerald added.

Cinder sighed. "Alright, play the next one."


	35. S2E35 What's Mine is Yours

**Author's Note:**

**So in response to a Cruz7808: Yes I will use your idea, I like it but also no. Two people have asked for me to do entire chapters with different people reacting to an episode which I think is a good idea. But in the end this is a RWBY and JNPR reacts to red vs blue fic, not Teachers, Criminals, etc reacting. I will only do them as side stories, I could make the side stories longer but I won't dedicate an entire chapter to them and ignore the main cast. Thanks for the support and the suggestions!**

**Please make any suggestions you want I will consider them, and speaking about that, no to the guest reviewer who asked for me to do a plot point where the Achievemen made a show called Blue vs Red, interesting Idea but I can't write it in a good way. I made the Achievemen reference because Achievemen is Canon in RWBY.**

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**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls.**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 35- What's Mine is Yours**

" **What's Mine is yours" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

"I thought it was the other way around?" Nora said confused.

"It is, it's supposed to be whats yours is mine." Ren explained.

Nora nodded.

**The scene opened to show Tucker and Caboose on top of the blue base**

**Tucker: "Man Caboose, you were asleep for a long time. What were you dreaming about?"**

**Caboose: "Oh, nothing. I do not like to dream. I try not to think while I'm sleeping."**

"Is it even possible?" Ruby asked.

"I've tried many times." Ren replied.

"Thinking while you're sleeping?" Yang asked. "Whats the point in sleeping if you're thinking?"

"Efficiency." Ren responded.

"Ugh." Nora sighed. "Ren is constantly trying to find the most efficient way of doing things. Have any of you noticed how he even counts his steps to see how far away something he needs to grab is? and- and, just the little annoying things he does?" Nora asked.

Jaune and Pyrrha laughed. "Yes we have." Pyrrha answered.

"There is nothing wrong with efficiency." Ren replied. "Always move forward, no time to waste time."

"That's a good motto but it sounds like you overdo it." Blake said.

Ren just shrugged.

**Tucker: "That's pretty much how you function when you're awake, too."**

Weiss and Yang chuckled.

**Caboose: "I think consistency is important."**

Weiss laughed again.

"You're starting to enjoy the show more." Pyrrha commented.

"Like I said I enjoy some of the jokes." Weiss said.

"Hostage syndrome." Blake whispered to Ren who had to hold in his laughter.

 **Church: "Well you** _ **look**_ **okay... then again that's... just the armor. How d'you feel?"**

**Caboose: "Great! ...Who're you?"**

Yang and Ruby giggled.

**Church: "Oh COME ON, not this again! How can you seriously not remember me?"**

**Caboose: "Oh of course, I remember you... you're Marvin."**

**Church: "** _**I'm Church."** _

**Caboose: "I think I would remember a name that ridiculous. Nope, you are definitely Phil."**

**Church: "You killed me with the tank."**

**Caboose: "Dave."**

**Church: "You insulted my girlfriend, you called her a cow?"**

**Caboose: "Karen."**

"I wonder if these names are important." Ren said.

"What? How would they be?" Weiss asked curiously.

"Oh I get what Ren's saying! A reference to the creators of the show! Or people they know." Jaune said.

Everyone suddenly very interested, stopped talking and payed attention.

**Tucker: "Dude, he called her a slut."**

**Caboose: "Phineous?"**

**Church: "Your whole life is based around pleasing me."**

**Caboose: "Wally."**

**Church: "In fact..."**

**Caboose: "Milo?"**

**Church: "I think you're kind of obsessed with being my best friend."**

"I do wonder why Caboose latched onto Church." Weiss commented.

"Symbol of authority?" Blake suggested.

"Maybe." Ren said.

**Caboose: "(turning to Tucker and whispering loudly) The new guy is pretty full of himself."**

**Church: "New guy, what the- I'm not the new guy,** _ **you're**_ **the new guy."**

**Tucker: "I don't know, I kinda like it. I could get used to calling you Rookie."**

**Church: "Oh yeah? Could you get used to me beating you to death?"**

**Caboose: "What's wrong with the rookie? He seems mad."**

**Church: "Oh son of a bitch."**

**Caboose: "Susan?"**

**Cut to the red base. Donut is jumping in the middle, trying to get on the upper level, including grunting jumping effort noises, while Grif watches**

**Grif: "Donut, there's** _ **no way**_ **you can jump that high."**

**Donut: "Yes I can. (jumps) (while jumping a second time) Yes I can."**

"Hmm." Nora hummed tapping her chin in thought.

**Simmons: "What the hell is he doing?"**

**Grif: "Losing a bet."**

"Oh! Jumping contest! Who wants to make a bet?" Nora asked.

"What?" Weiss asked.

"Lets see who can jump the highest!" Nora yelled.

"Yeah!...but not now lets finish the season, then we can do it." Yang said.

"I can jump higher than everyone here." Ruby said confidently.

"Awe! But you're so short." Yang teased.

Ruby angrily huffed and threw a pillow at Yang's face.

**Donut: "Oah, I almost got it that time. Are you sweatin' yet, sucker!?"**

**Grif: "No, I** _ **can't**_ **sweat. Simmons' stupid sweat glands don't even work right."**

"Knew Sarge wasn't that good." Weiss commented.

"I think we all did." Yang replied.

**Simmons: "What? They were working when I gave them to you."**

**Grif: "Please, I'm not moist in any of the usual places. If you want 'em back so bad, take 'em."**

**Simmons: "(sigh) I can't. Sarge said that sweat makes my cyborg parts rusty, so, I'm cooled by freon now."**

"I wonder how much of a Cyborg he truly is." Pyrrha commented.

"there are rumors that General Ironwood is a cyborg, or at least has robotic implants." Weiss commented.

"I can believe that." Yang said.

"Seems likely." Blake added.

**Grif: "Ah, delicious freon. (violent coughing and throat clearing)"**

**Donut: "(jumping) Hwup!"**

**Simmons: "Grif, are you alright? Are my lungs okay? Hey, wait a minute, are you smoking inside your helmet again!?"**

Almost everyone sighed.

"Really? They have smoking in this universe too?" Ruby complained.

"Not another universe." Weiss huffed.

"Looks like it." Yang commented ignoring Weiss.

**Grif: "What!? No! (exhales cigarette smoke) ...Oops."**

"I had a feeling those were air vents." Pyrrha said pointing to the screen.

**Simmons: "Dammit, I knew this would happen. And how many snack cakes have you had today?"**

**Grif: "None."**

**Simmons: "..."**

**Grif: "Okay five. ...or more."**

**Donut: "Hungh!"**

**Grif: "Baker's dozen at most."**

**Simmons: "Do you even** _ **know**_ **how many there are in a baker's dozen?"**

"13" Ren said.

"Why is it called a bakers dozen?" Ruby asked.

"No idea." Ren replied.

"And why is it 13?" Yang asked.

"Don't complain! Its extra food!" Nora said excitedly.

"Good point." Yang replied.

Ren smirked, _Bakers dozen so I can eat the 13th._

**Grif: "By my count?"**

**Donut: "Hup!"**

**Grif: "Forty eight."**

"Wow, he sounds like Ruby." Yang commented.

"Are you saying I'm fat?!" Ruby yelled checking herself for belly rolls.

"Ruby, Mom used to have to make two trays of cookies just for you because you ate so many." Yang explained.

Ruby laughed remembering the good times.

**Simmons: "Alright, that's it. No more smoking..."**

**Donut: "Hwauhw..."**

**Simmons: "No more drinking, and no more overeating, chubby."**

"Good rules." Jaune commented.

**Donut: "HWUP!"**

**Simmons: "You're not gonna ruin my body parts the same way you ruined yours."**

**Grif: "That's okay, I can think of different ways to ruin them."**

**[Sound of a tremendous catastrophe]**

**Donut: "Ah** _ **ah**_ **ow, aahhhhh. Who left the spleen-ball where someone could trip on it? I think I broke something. Simmons; I need your ovaries!"**

Everyone except Weiss, Blake, and Ren laughed.

**Simmons: "Huoh, I really hate this army."**

**Sarge arrives**

**Sarge: "Grif, Simmons two point 0. I just got off the horn to Command. I'm afraid we have a situation."**

**Simmons: "Uhh, don't tell me they cancelled the holiday party again. Those cheap bastards. All I wanted was one night of carefree dancing, but noooo, I ask you when is it gonna be Simmons' turn? When?!"**

Everyone looked at the screen confused, not getting the reference.

**Grif and Sarge look at each other**

**Sarge: "Ah, actually the problem is with Lopez."**

**Grif: "Don't tell me. The Consulate General from** _ **Spanish land**_ **is coming, and without Lopez, we don't have anyone to translate."**

"Spanish land?" Ren muttered.

**Simmons: "There's no such thing as Spanish land you retard."**

Ren huffed and scribbled out that part of his notes.

**Grif: "Yes there is, they have those uh, uh, water slides. And all that salsa."**

**Simmons: "No, they don't."**

**Grif: "Well, I guess you would know."**

**Simmons: "WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? For the last time, I'm** _**DUTCH IRISH!"** _

"I wonder why Grif keeps confusing his race." Yang commented.

"Probably because of the armor." Jaune suggested.

"They have to know what each other look like without armor though, right?" Yang asked.

"Likely" Pyrrha answered. "Teammates live in close quarters."

**Grif: "Hey, don't let your fiery Latin temper get outta control. I was just trying to make a point."**

"Hmm sounds slightly racist." Blake mumbled.

"I agree, but it seems that the creators are fine with it, maybe one of them is Spanish." Ren said.

"It's possible." Pyrrha added.

**Sarge: "Can it, Frankenstein. We've got a pot on the front burner, and it's a-boilin' over. I've just learned that Command implanted Lopez with secret instructions detailing the next phase of our operations. Do you have any idea what this means?"**

**Grif: "I uh, uh... Simmons, you wanna take this one?"**

**Simmons: "Were you not listening again? What the hell were you thinking about?"**

**Grif: "Certainly not** _**water slides** _ **, I can tell you that much. Or salsa."**

**Sarge: "What it means is that if we don't get back Lopez before the blues uncover our secret plans, we'll be up pooper creek without a paddle."**

"Nasty." Weiss groaned.

**Grif: "Eeeew. Gi-a...** _**that's gross!"** _

**Sarge: "I'm talking about being lost in a forest of filth without a compass. Swimmin' in a river of sick with no floaties on. Drivin' blind, in to the tunnel of-"**

**Simmons: "Sir, I think we get the picture. The** _ **very very disturbing**_ **picture."**

"Wish I wasn't." Ruby said holding her stomach.

**Sarge: "You sure? I could go on."**

**Grif: "I'm sure you could. But no. Really."**

**Sarge: "Just one more."**

**Grif: "Stop."**

**Sarge: "Come on, they're fun. Simmons, you try one, I'll start you off. Flyin' by the seat of your blank, with a blank** _ **in**_ **the blank. Eh?"**

"Hmm, Flying by the seat of your...Pants with a...monkey? In the..." Yang started. "Can someone help me out here?"

"In the back?" Ruby suggested.

"Cockpit?" Nora added.

**Simmons: "Sorry sir, I'mmm not good at word games."**

**Sarge: "Ah, you're both a couple lousy blanks."**

**The screen cut to black.**

"Now that ones easier to guess. Lousy pieces of sh-" Yang started.

"Ugh play the next one!" Ruby yelled with a hand over Yang's mouth.

**—Criminals SS— Not Canon**

"Have any of you had any luck finding out what this Spanish language is?" Cinder asked.

"No ma'am." Mercury replied frustrated.

"So much of this stuff we don't understand." Emerald said equally frustrated.

"Keep trying, I expect results." Cinder replied coldly. "I have a meeting with our animalistic friends, continue to watch the episodes. When I get back I want a full report on everything that happened."

"Yes ma'am." Both replied quickly.

**—Professor's SS— Not Canon**

"Hmmm." Ozpin hummed staring at his computer screen. "This is rather...unexpected."

* * *

**Wonder if anyone noticed the Monty Oum reference with Ren and efficiency, listening to the old RT podcasts that had Monty on them are insane. Monty was hilarious and meticulous, Burnie joked about Monty counting steps but he did it so regularly that I realized, oh he's not joking, Monty wanted to know how far away something like a bathroom was from his workspace so he could be more efficient.**

**I Miss Monty Oum and everything about him, I wish I could have met him too. Sorry to bring you all down but anyway hope you enjoyed the chapter.**


	36. S2E36 Blunderball

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls.**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 36- Blunderball**

" **Blunderball" appeared on the screen with the theme music.**

"Blunderball must be a sport for them." Ruby theorized.

"No...I think its a joke. See? Blunder and Ball." Weiss explained.

"Oh." Ruby said embarrassed.

**The scene opened to show Tucker and Caboose overlooking the tank and Lopez**

**Tucker: "Man, Lopez and Sheila have been spending a lot of time together."**

**Caboose: "I don't like it. He's not good enough for my Sheila."**

**Tucker: "They seem happy together."**

**Caboose: "He, is a bad influence, and he, is taking advantage of her, because she, is young and naive. ...and delicate."**

"The tank is delicate?" Weiss said confused.

"Do you all think Caboose loves Shiela as a love interest or a daughter?" Pyrrha asked.

"Likely a love interest." Blake answered.

**Tucker: "Delicate? She weighs like two hundred tons, dude."**

**Caboose: "She is a precious flower."**

**Tucker runs down to Sheila and Lopez**

**Tucker: "Hey guys, I have to ask you a favor. This might sound strange, but I think Caboose is getting kinda jealous over your relationship."**

**Caboose: "(from the distance) Sheeiiiilaaaaaa! Come baaack to meeee! I made you a muffin!"**

"I would love a guy if he made me muffins." Nora commented.

Everyone inwardly sighed, the tension between her and Ren was amazing and even more amazing was the fact that neither did anything about it.

"Ren makes you muffins." Pyrrha commented trying to give her a hint.

"Well yeah but we're not together together." Nora said blushing.

Jaune sighed and out his head in his hands.

"Its so obvious." Jaune mumbled silently so Nora and Ren couldn't hear.

"You shouldn't be talking lover boy." Yang said gesturing to Pyrrha.

Jaune blushed but nodded. "I know yang but please shhhh" Jaune whispered.

Yang sighed but nodded.

Jaune had a feeling Pyrrha liked him ever since the dance, or at least knew it wouldn't be the end of the world if she said no.

**Tucker: "Anyway, could you just try to keep a lower profile or something? We don't wanna have some weird, horribly disgusting love triangle."**

Yang and Blake started laughing.

**Sheila: "Tucker. I've been speaking with Lopez, and we feel that the machines have been treated unfairly in this canyon."**

"That is true." Blake commented.

"Yeah, when you truly think about it. If machines had emotions we would be mistreating them." Ren said.

"Well luckily no machine can feel." Weiss added.

Ruby huffed but kept quiet.

**Tucker: "What're you talking about?"**

**Sheila: "On a regular basis we are either being blown up, possessed by spirits, or just left out to rust."**

**Tucker: "Huh?"**

**Sheila: "We have decided, that until conditions improve, we are** _ **not**_ **going to help you in your battles."**

**Tucker: "You're kidding, right?"**

**Sheila: "(lowers her turret to look at Tucker) Do I look like I'm kidding?"**

**Cut to the red base. Sarge is addressing the troops**

**Sarge: "It's very simple. We'll use a flea-flicker maneuver with a run and gun two by two approach, tactical ops will be- Aw hell, who'm I kiddin'. Grif, Donut, just go stand in the way of their bullets while me and Simmons 2.0 sneak around back to grab Lopez."**

"Awe he was sounding like a good commander at first." Weiss said.

"Did you understand what those meant?" Pyrrha asked.

"You don't?" Weiss asked Pyrrha surprised.

"No, I only ever studied strategies of how to fight alone. Never in a team." Pyrrha explained.

"Oh, well my sister Winter explained some of these to me." Weiss started. "A flea flicker maneuver is what people in the military call a trick play. The term can be used for a variety of different scenarios. Sarge sounded like he was explaining a plan for two of his soldiers to distract the blues. So basically what he said in layman's terms." Weiss explained.

**Donut: "Sounds like a plan!"**

"Idiot." Blake mumbled.

**Grif: "No it doesn't. How about this time we try something that doesn't involve me being shot at, or run over."**

**Simmons: "Would electrified be okay?"**

**Grif: "** _**No!"** _

**Simmons: "Well, I'm out of ideas."**

**Grif: "Look, instead of just running straight in to enemy gunfire like we usually do, why don't we try some reconnaissance this time?"**

"Strange to say it but I believe Grif would make a better leader than Sarge." Blake commented.

"I think Simmons would be a better leader." Jaune said.

"If he could grow a pair." Yang said.

"Anyone can overcome shyness or stage fright." Pyrrha commented looking at Jaune who smiled.

**Donut: "You mean like spy stuff? That would be cool! I could wear, a spy tuxedo..."**

**Sarge: "No."**

**Donut: "With a hidden spy camera..."**

**Simmons: "No."**

**Donut: "Inside, a tiny spy bowtie..."**

**Grif: "No."**

**Donut: "Or, I could wear a flower on my lapel..."**

**Sarge: "Said no."**

**Donut: "That sprays** _ **water**_ **in people's faces, oh man..."**

"Why did he switch from Spy to clown?" Ruby asked. Yang laughed at Ruby's comment.

**Simmons: "Shut up Donut."**

**Donut:b"No- secret spy liquid, hahaha. That would be awesome!"**

"Sounds like another crappy Spruce Willis movie." Blake commented.

"Spruce Willis movies are amazing." Jaune said.

"I agree." Yang said.

"Me too! We should go see one." Ruby said happily.

"Yeah! We can all go!" Nora said happily.

"Yeah! And after the movie me and Nora can split and go to the club." Yang said.

"Why can't we go with you?" Ruby asked.

"Ruby, even if you weren't too young would you even want to?" Yang asked.

"Well last time you beat up a bunch of thugs and that sounded like fun." Ruby said.

"Ruby we can beat up some of Junior's thugs another time." Yang said.

"Promise?" Ruby asked.

"Promise." Yang said smiling.

**Sarge: "No!"**

**Grif: "Maybe! ...Uh, I mean... noooooo."**

**Donut: "Oh come on, I could be double-O Donut!"**

**Simmons: "You mean like Doonut?"**

**Donut: "The license to thrill! Or** _ **be**_ **thrilled!"**

**Sarge: "Alright, since you're both so in to the idea, Grif, Donut, you're on recon. Find us a way to break in to their base, and report back on the double."**

"Finally a good plan from the reds." Weiss said.

**Grif: "Great, more time alone with the idiot."**

**Donut: "Grif, Grif Grif Grif Grif Grif Grif. Let's pretend, we're wearing** _**super-spy jetpacks!"** _

"He sounds like an excited kid." Blake commented.

**Grif: "(sighing) Huhhhhhhg..."**

**Donut: "No, no no no, like** _ **this-**_ **(jetpack whooshing noise) Phschewschhhhhhhhhhhwewwwww..."**

**Donut continues the sound over the scene change to him and Grif on a cliff, and keeps going**

**Grif: "Hey, can you not stop that for two seconds?"**

**Donut: "Come on agent- (clears throat, resumes in a deeper voice) Come on, Agent Grif. We've got to hurry if we want to save the Princess from the evil goblin."**

"So he went from spy, to clown, to knight." Nora commented.

"Sounds right." Pyrrha commented.

**Grif: "What Princess? I thought you were pretending to be in a spy movie?"**

**Donut: "Look, my secret spy character gets to marry a beautiful Princess in a castle, alright? Deal with it!"**

"I thought Donut was gay?" Ruby said confused.

"Me too." Pyrrha said. "But I believe he could be interested in both genders."

"Oh like Yang." Ruby commented.

"Exactly." Yang said.

**Grif: "Donut, can you just go find some higher ground or something?"**

**Donut: "But we're on higher ground now."**

**Grif: "Why don't you use your jetpack to go to the highest ground."**

**Donut: "Good idea! I bet the** _ **blues**_ **won't think of that!"**

"I wish I could be surprised that even after all this time Donut can still be tricked by Grif." Blake commented.

**Grif: "No, if they were that stupid, we probably would have won by now."**

**Donut: "Secret Agent Donut, to the rescue! Phschewshhhhhhhhhhh...(heads off)"**

**Grif: "I could just shoot him. Noone would ever have to know. Noone."**

**Cut to Tucker running up to Church on the blue base**

**Tucker: "Hey Church, we might have a problem."**

**Church: "Is this a** _ **new**_ **problem, or did Caboose get his head stuck in the freezer again?"**

"How does that even happen?" Weiss asked.

"Ask Nora, she's done it twice now." Jaune said.

**Tucker: "New one. Sheila and Lopez are now considering leaving to form their own robot army. They said no one would dare oppose them."**

"Now there's three armies in the canyon." Weiss commented.

"And a medic with a crazy AI in his head." Pyrrha added.

**Church: "What? Did you try to talk them out of it?"**

**Tucker: "** _ **No way,**_ **I wouldn't dare oppose them."**

Yang and Ruby laughed.

**Church: "Oh man, well we gotta find a way to separate 'em. Maybe it's time to get rid of Lopez."**

**Tucker: "But without Lopez you wouldn't have a body to use. Why don't you just possess him like you normally do?"**

**Church: "I would, but it's getting harder to do it each time. I think he's learned to fight it somehow."**

"Hmm." Ren mumbled thinking.

**Cut to a shot that zooms in to Doc's cave**

**Doc: "You know, I really think we should try a** _**non** _ **-violent approach to resolve this?"**

**O'Malley: "** _ **I agree, except replace the word "non" with "extremely," and after the word "violent," include the phrase "blood explosion extaordinaire!"**_ **(evil laugh)** _ **Hahahahahuhuhuahahaha!"**_

"O'Malley seems to be affecting Doc way more than Caboose." Blake commented.

**Donut reaches the cave**

**Donut: "Hey, what's goin' on in there?"**

**Doc: "We can't do this, they're gonna find out. They'll find out about us, the machine, everything."**

**O'Malley: "(evil laugh)"**

**Donut: "What the... those voices sound suspicious."**

**O'Malley: "** _**I will rip out their guts and feast on their entrails."** _

**Doc: "But I'm a vegetarian."**

"Wouldn't it be more important to say I'm not a cannibal?" Weiss asked.

"Gross gross gross gross." Ruby said grossed out.

**O'Malley: "(evil laugh)"**

**Donut: "Oh, it's that guy whose name I forget. But where's the guy he's talkin' to?"**

**Doc: "Look we can't just sabotage their equipment, that's rude."**

"Worse than Rude." Ruby commented remembering the girl that attacked the CCT.

 **Donut: "** _ **Sabotage?**_ **That doesn't sound too good."**

**O'Malley: "** _**I will devour their hearts, and crap out their souls..."** _

"Ugh." Weiss groaned.

**Donut: "That sounds even worse!"**

**O'Malley: "** _**They will all taste oblivion! Which tastes just like Red Bull. Which is disgusting."** _

"They have red bulls? Cool." Nora commented.

"Hmm." Ren mumbled while jotting down the animal in his notes.

**Donut: "Whoa."**

**O'Malley: "** _ **All will perish!**_ **(evil laugh)"**

**Donut: "All... Wait- that includes me! Oh man, I gotta go tell the guys!"**

"Oh so now he cares." Ruby commented.

"Selfish." Jaune added.

**Doc: "(turns around) (while O'Malley is still laughing... still) Hello? Who's there? Plese help me! I'm scared of myself!"**

"I feel bad for Doc." Ruby said.

"Me too, I feel like if this show was darker this could be an amazing scene." Blake added.

"Not everyone likes dark and depressing stuff." Weiss said.

"And not everyone likes prim and proper television like in Atlas." Yang said to Weiss.

"I already told you I don't like that!" Weiss yelled.

**Donut: "(running out of the cave) Gotta... get back to base. (running across the gulch) Back... to base... Oh man, there it is. (runs up to the base) Guys. Hey guys. Where is everybody? I saw something really weird in the cave that- hey that's cool, when did we get a tank? Wait a minute, this looks like the store. Except, Sarge told me there is no store. (turns around) Oh no."**

"Wow this is the second time he's done that." Weiss commented.

"Wasn't he supposed to go to higher ground?" Nora asked.

"I think so." Pyrrha answered.

**Tucker and Caboose are pointing their guns at Donut's face**

**Tucker: "Oh yeah."**

**Cut to Grif watching through the sniper rifle**

**Grif: "Oh crap. I knew I should have just shot him."**

**The scene faded to black.**

"Next one? We should be getting close to the end of the season." Jaune said.

"Last one had what? 19 episodes." Yang asked.

"Yes, 19." Ren answered.

"So just three more!" Ruby said happily.

"If they have the same amount each season." Weiss advised.

"Eh whatever just play it, I can't wait to go partying Yang!" Nora yelled.

"Me neither!" Yang yelled back happily.

**—Professor's SS—Not Canon**

"This? This is why you called us all here?" Glynda said angrily.

"Yes, this show was uploaded to my computer without my permission." Ozpin explained.

"It's truly fascinating!" Oobleck said quickly. "A tv show from another reality, this confirms my theories on the multireality or should I say Multiverse! Although I do not hear my voice in this Caboose character."

"It is faint but unmistakable." Ozpin said.

"It's ridiculous!" Glynda yelled.

"Please look at the bright side Glynda." Ozpin said. "This provides the perfect excuse for a break."

Glynda groaned as Ozpin played the next episode.

"Just wait Glynda, there is a character that sounds like you as well." Ozpin said with a smile on his face.


	37. S2E37 Dealer Incentive

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 37- Dealer Incentive**

" **Dealer Incentive" appeared on the screen.**

**Tucker and Caboose have Donut surrounded inside the blue base**

**Tucker: "So, they send a female assassin to try and kill us. Clever, but it won't work. We're immune to your feminine wiles. ...Unless you wanna date one of us."**

"Yeah so they're not immune." Weiss commented.

"I think Tucker isn't, Donut isn't a tank so Caboose is probably immune." Yang said laughing.

"Not immune to being an idiot." Blake mumbled.

**Donut: "** _**Fe** _ **male!? I'm not a girl."**

**Tucker: "Tease."**

"Thats not a tease." Yang commented.

**Donut: "I just have, light red armor."**

**Caboose: "How is that pink armor anyway?** _**Looks comfortable..."** _

**Donut: "At first, I really hated it. But it's kinda grown on me. My old armor used to chafe my thighs somethin' aweful. But the crotch in this pink one is surprisingly roomy!"**

"Too much information." Ruby commented.

**Tucker: "Silence woman!"**

**Cut to Sarge addressing Simmons and Grif**

**Sarge: "Good Bhudda's noodle, how could this have happened?"**

**Simmons: "It's okay sir. It was a strong plan, Grif's just a dumbass."**

**Grif: "Hey, I'm using** _ **your**_ **cerebral cortex."**

"That doesn't make sense, Grif still has his brain." Jaune commented.

"Bad excuse." Pyrrha added.

**Sarge: "Settle down, ladies. We need a new strategem, and we need it** _**fast** _ **."**

**Simmons: "Donut's sure to crack under the pressure and reveal everything."**

**Grif: "Everything like what, where we keep his tampons?"**

**Sarge: "You're right about that, Simmons. The boy doesn't even see the entertainment value in being tortured! Oh these kids today!"**

"Entertainment? I wasn't even tortured but not having Crescent Rose and getting beat up by White Fang was not fun." Ruby commented.

"You said you were out in one hit." Yang said.

"He used the butt of his gun!" Ruby defended.

"Against a huntress in training...with aura." Yang added.

Ruby groaned in embarrassment.

**Church enters the blue base with Tucker waiting for him**

**Church: "How's it goin', Tucker? We get any useful information outta the prisoner yet?"**

**Tucker: "I figured he was here to steal back Lopez, but he won't give us anything... except a list of crock pot recipes. Would that be useful?"**

**Church: "Do we have a crock pot?"**

**Tucker: "No, Caboose made a trade with that annoying guy from Blue Command. He swapped it for a** _**mystery box** _ **."**

"Oh never do that its a scam!" Ruby yelled.

"A scam you fell for multiple times." Yang said laughing.

**Church: "What was in the mystery box?"**

**Tucker: "A hundred and forty jars of mayonnaise."**

"Wow. Who needs that much mayo." Yang said.

**Church: "...well that's a good trade..."**

**Tucker: "Yeah it doubles as a great sunscreen."**

"Gross." Ruby said.

"Resourceful." Blake added.

**Church: "How did you- never mind. Listen, I think I came up with a plan for how we can use Lopez and our new prisoner to get an upper hand on the reds..."**

Yang started laughing at the hidden sex joke, Tucker finding out about the sunscreen because he used the Mayo as *cough cough* help, and didn't get sunburnt.

**Tucker: "..."**

**Church and Tucker: "..."**

**Church: "The plan does not involve mayonnaise."**

**Tucker: "Dammit, I knew there would be a catch."**

**Camera zips around to another part of the blue base, where Caboose and Donut are.**

**Caboose: "That was fun. Okay, okay, your turn. Truth, or dare."**

Pyrrha laughed lightly.

"The two morons get along, of course." Weiss said.

"Its cool! And they're not total idiots." Ruby added.

**Donut: "Hmmm, truth!"**

**Caboose: "Okay. Tell me, all of the red secret plans!"**

"See?" Ruby asked.

**Donut: "Ahaw, you tricked me! You blue guys are** _**so smart** _ **. Okay, now listen closely. Our biggest secret is-"**

**Church runs up and inhabits Donut**

**Donut:"Adgibagajabagagagagagagagagagaa!"**

**Church: "Caboose! It's me, Church. I possessed this guy so we can... whoo, hey. This pink armor's kinda comfortable. Roomy. What were you two guys talkin' about?"**

"Ruined." Nora commented.

"I doubt they had any good secrets anyway." Weiss said.

**Caboose: "Ohouw, nothing."**

**Church: "You wanna braid each other's hair?"**

**Cut to Tucker and Caboose cresting a hill in the Gulch with Church in Donut's body.**

**Tucker: "Hello inferior red squad!"**

**Church: "We would like to talk to you about-"**

**Caboose: "Sneak attack!"**

**Church: "Shut up you idiot, we're not here to fight. We're here to negotiate."**

**Caboose: "Ahay,** _**sneak negotiation!"** _

A few of them laughed at that.

**Sarge, Grif and Simmons come to the front of the red base**

**Sarge: "What the- Donut! What is this!?"**

**Tucker: "I think he's talking to** _**you** _ **."**

**Church: "We, uh I mean they, would like to negotiate a surrender, to us. No to them, no wait nono that's right, to them, to us."**

"I'm confused." Ruby said.

**Tucker: "Oh, smooth dude."**

**Sarge: "What's this business, the blues are givin' up? I smell a trap, or a rat... or a rat,** _ **in**_ **a trap. Don't accept it Simmons."**

 **Simmons: "You can't surrender blues, we haven't attacked you! Now go home and wait for us to attack, and** _ **then**_ **you can surrender."**

"Why aren't they just accepting?" Ruby asked.

"An enemy comes to them and surrenders, sounds pretty suspicious." Weiss said.

**Grif: "Wait, if we accept, that means we would have two surrenders, and they would have none. That means we win!"**

"Thats not how it works." Weiss groaned.

**Simmons: "Win what?"**

**Grif: "I don't know, the war, er something. Right?"**

**Simmons: "You're an idiot."**

**Church: "In exchange for not killing us, they, them- we, they would like to, release the robot guy, and me. (exchanges glances with Tucker a couple times) ...the pink guy."**

**Tucker: "Are you becoming retarded?"**

"Being in Donut is truly affecting Church." Blake commented.

**Simmons: "What should we do, sir?"**

**Sarge: "I'm torn, between my in** _ **tense**_ **distrust of the blue team, and the need for the plans stored in my favorite robotic creation. No offense, Simmons."**

**Simmons: "None taken, sir. You removed the negative emotional center of my brain, and implanted it in Grif."**

**Grif: "(hopping around behind them) Noh I can-** _**I just can't take this, we're all gonna die! Wohouw"** _

**Church: "I don't think they're going for it."**

**A shot goes behind Tucker, startling him and Church... wouldn't it startle you?**

**Tucker: "Oh, mother** _**fucker!"** _

Weiss sighed.

 **Simmons: "(holding the sniper rifle) Okay,** _ **now**_ **you're under attack. Go ahead and surrender, bitch!"**

**Sarge: "Nice thinkin' Simmons."**

**Grif: "** _**The humanity!"** _

Yang and Blake laughed.

**Church: "Alright, they surrender!"**

**Tucker: "(arming his weapon) Fuck that, I'm pissed, let's fight."**

**Sarge: "Now that you have been thoroughly humiliated by our superior military strategy, we demand the return of our robot, and our pink private!"**

Yang laughed at yet another sex joke, Pink Private.

**Church: "Okay, but there's one catch!"**

**Sarge: "What in shinola?"**

**Church: "Sarge they want you to build two robots for their team. One for each prisoner, that they're releasing."**

**Simmons: "Hey that wasn't part of the deal!"**

"They didn't make any deal." Nora said confused.

**Grif: "Why exactly are we negotiating with Donut?"**

**Tucker: "Church why do we need two robots?"**

**Church: "You know... one for me, and... (under breath) one for Texas."**

"Why is he embarrassed about her?" Pyrrha asked.

"Well he did say she cheated on him." Yang said. "But still, he's the only one in the canyon with a girlfriend so I don't know."

**Tucker: "Oh man, don't tell me you're doing this for Tex. You're still in love with her, aren't you."**

**Church: "Hey get off my back, man. Most dead chicks aren't exactly linin' up to haunt this dirthole. Besides, if I don't get her a body, she's gonna steal mine anyway."**

Yang and Nora laughed at the dead chick haunting joke.

**Tucker: "Eh, good point."**

**Church: "Bitch."**

**Sarge: "Alright you blue scumsuckers! What robot models did you have in mind?"**

**Church: "I guess make 'em just like Lopez! Except, you know, just a shell, no intelligence!"**

**Caboose: "These new robots sound** _ **much**_ **nicer."**

**Tucker: "That's because they sound like you."**

Everyone laughed.

**Church: "Oh and** _**no Spanish! And a bigger switch!"** _

Yang laughed again.

"Do you just laugh at every dirty joke?" Weiss asked.

"Wait you are getting all these jokes?" Yang asked.

"Well...yeah." Weiss said embarrassed.

"I'm proud". Yang said sarcastically.

**Sarge: "Okay, we got a deal! Meet us in the center of the canyon at 0600 and we'll make the exchange."**

**Tucker: "Deal!"**

**Church: "Okay. I gotta hurry back before Lopez and Sheila suspect anything. Make** _ **sure**_ **this** _ **pink**_ **guy doesn't run away when I leave. I mean it. I'll meet you guys back at the base. (leaves Donut's body)"**

**Donut: "Huwhuuugaygaayeeeeeee! What the...? Where am I?"**

**Caboose: "We were just talking to your friends. But you're going to stay with us now for a while."**

**Donut: "Are we gonna have a sleepover? Because that would be sweet."**

**Caboose: "You're a nice lady."**

**Cut to Ghostly Church back at the blue base**

**Church: "Alright guys, I- Sheila? Lopez? What the, why do people keep leaving?"**

"I thought Tucker told them about that." Pyrrha said.

"He did." Ren said.

**Back to the negotiation.**

**Sarge: "** _ **Oh blue team...**_ **Before you go, maybe we should talk about** _ **optional**_ **equipment on your new robots."**

**Tucker: "What optional equipment!?"**

**Sarge: "All you said you wanted was a body, we didn't talk about featuuuures."**

**Tucker: "Like what?"**

**Sarge: "You know, undercoating, extended warranty,** _**features** _ **, man, come on. Like do you want them to be able to use both arms at once?"**

"Never get the undercoating." Blake warned.

"Why?" Ruby asked.

"Scam for more money." Blake explained.

**Tucker: "** _**Of course."** _

**Sarge: "Asynchronous arm movement isssssss optional!"**

**Tucker: "What? Oh man, I** _ **told**_ **Church they would try to screw us! What about the feet?"**

 **Sarge: "Did you** _ **want**_ **feet?"**

**Tucker: "Yeah we want feet!"**

**Sarge: "Sorry, feet are optional."**

"I thought feet would be a given." Pyrrha commented.

**Tucker: "What's on the bottom of its legs?"**

**Sarge: "Legs are optional."**

**Tucker: "Oh man, what a ripoff."**

**Sarge: "Options are optional."**

**Tucker: "What** _ **isn't**_ **optional?"**

**Sarge: "You look like a nice guy, don't worry, we'll work something out. Have you thought about financing? How's yer credit? I can offer you a free set of high quality mud flaps... and a** _**lube job** _ **... You won't be disappointed! I've been told my lube jobs are fan** _**tastic"** _

**The scene faded black.**

"Gross." Ruby and Weiss mumbled.

**-Professor's SS- Not Canon**

"Glynda. Why do you refuse to watch the former episodes?" Ozpin asked.

"I have more important things to do with my time." Glynda responded.

"But Glynda Ozpin was right! You're voice is in the show!" Oobleck said quickly. "It's amazing as if its you from another reality I wonder if it truly is?"

"I highly doubt it." Glynda said coldly. "I thought you had lessons to plan, yet here you are wasting hours on watching a ridiculous show."

"It is fascinating." Oobleck answered simply.

"Glynda you have two options, either A. Watch the show with us. Or B, the pile of paperwork that neither me nor Doctor Oobleck want to do." Ozpin said gesturing to the mountain of paper.

Glynda thought about it for a second but sighed and gave in.

"Fine." She said angrily. "If you do the paperwork after we finish."

* * *

**My pm's are open to:**

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	38. S2E38 K.I.T. B.F.F.

**Author's Note:**

**Ok so just wanted to say, thanks to everyone who reads the authors notes I am guilty of skipping over authors notes a lot.**

**I've noticed how some of my "country" gets into my writing. Like how I say "you all" a lot. It's just habit.**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 38- K.I.T. B.F.F.**

"Shouldn't we be training?" Weiss asked.

"Do you want to train?" Ruby asked.

"Not really but..." Weiss said.

"We still need to relax after the breach." Yang said leaning back. "I am in no mood to train."

"Ok, well can we start the episode?" Weiss asked.

"Sure." Jaune said hitting play.

" **K.I.T. B.F.F." Appeared on the screen with the theme song.**

"Whats that mean?" Weiss asked.

"Keep in touch, Best friends forever." Ruby answered quickly. "Penny told me."

"Penny is strange but, she's an incredible fighter." Blake commented.

"Yeah she is." Ruby said smiling.

**Tucker and Church in front of a rock with a note on it, written in binary and signed "Lopez y Sheila"**

"Whats that say?" Nora asked Ren.

"I don't know, it looks like computer language." Ren answered.

"Computers have a language?" Pyrrha asked.

"Saphron talked about it." Jaune said. "She understands some of it, but her wife is much better with it. Basically its how you put in commands and stuff, and...I don't know it's really confusing."

**Tucker: "So Sheila and Lopez were just gone when you got back here."**

**Church: "Yep. They even left a note. Says they've gone off to start their own robot army. That's great."**

**Tucker: "Didn't they have a non-compete clause?"**

"Whats that?" Yang asked.

"It's a clause in Vale and Atlas Law. Basically it's an agreement between two groups to not compete against one another, or join in competition." Weiss explained.

"Oh I get the joke now." Jaune said.

**Church: "Also says they want us to meet them in the middle of the canyon at 0600, to discuss the terms of our defeat, and or surrender... 0600. What does that mean..."**

"That's military time." Weiss explained. "It's supposed to be 6:00 A.M."

"Strange that they would have military time too." Ren mumbled.

Weiss huffed but said nothing.

**Tucker: "Isn't that when we're supposed to be surrendering to the reds?"**

**Church: "It means six o'clock, right? Si- or does it mean, six hun- o six hundred. Does six hundred mean minutes? Six hundred minutes? Because that'd be... that'd be ten o'clock. Is it six o'clock or is it ten o'clock?"**

**Tucker: "Man, we should really get a day planner or something, 'cause this shit's just getting ridiculous."**

"My sister used to make the same complaint." Weiss said laughing.

"I didn't think your sister would be that open about the Atlas military." Blake commented.

"Yeah she's not as bad as people think." Weiss explained. "You might like her Blake, she has some great boot camp stories."

"One Schnee friend is enough for me." Blake joked.

Weiss chuckled along with Blake.

**Cut to the red base. Sarge is standing with a black robot and a cobalt robot**

"Who are they?" Nora asked.

"The two robots Sarge was supposed to make for blue team I'm guessing." Ren answered.

"If I was Sarge I would sabotage the robots somehow." Blake said.

"I doubt he's smart enough to think of that." Weiss commented.

"You never know". Pyrrha said. "Seems unfair though, they have a deal."

"Nothing is fair in war." Jaune said. "Something my dad told me a long time ago."

**Simmons: "How's it going sir?"**

**Sarge: "Great! With these new color coded instructions, building robots has never been easier. Now all the** _ **thousands**_ **of mistakes I've made in my previous efforts seem** _ **laughably obvious**_ **, heh heh. Uh, except for you, Simmons. No mistakes there."**

**Simmons: "Yeah, I didn't think so sir. You're great at this, even without any formal training, or first party certification. (shoots own foot)"**

"That's a mistake." Ruby commented.

"That's gotta hurt." Yang said.

"Not if it's a robot foot." Jaune commented.

**Sarge: "...Son did you just shoot yourself in the foot?"**

**Simmons: "Yeah, I do that now sometimes. 'n' I'm not really sure why."**

**Sarge: "I'm sure it's user error."**

"Sounds likely." Jaune said sarcastically.

**Grif: "(running up to the top of the ramp) Hey guys, it's almost time. Are the robots ready yet?"**

**Sarge: "Juuuust puttin' on the finishing touches. Gentlemen! Allow me, to, introduce, Francisco Montegue Zanzibar (showing the black one). And this one over here is Robot Number 2 (showing the cobalt one)."**

"Wow, sounds like he got lazy." Pyrrha commented.

"That sounds like a name in Atlas." Yang quipped.

"People in Atlas love to sound Fancy when they're not." Weiss said sighing.

"People with less always want to look like they have more." Blake added.

"This is getting depressing." Jaune said before hitting play.

 **Grif: "Why didn't** _ **this**_ **one get a fancy name?"**

**Sarge: "Let's just say** _**some** _ **body has an overclocked sass-back chip, and rejected all the names I came up with."**

"Sass-back chip? Is that a thing Jaune?" Nora asked.

"No, probably a joke." Jaune answered.

**Robot Number 2: "(The Close Encounters riff everyone knows, except the last note is an error-honking sort of noise)"**

"So the first robot speaks a language none of them can understand, and now this one doesn't even speak a language." Ruby said amazing.

"It could be a language in that universe." Jaune suggested.

Weiss openly groaned.

**Caption: "Stick it. You're not my real dad."**

"Sounds like a spoiled teen." Weiss commented.

Everyone stared at her.

"Oh shut up!"

 **Sarge: "But that's okay. I can even use it to my advantage. I made some** _ **special**_ **modifications on numero dos. Check it out. Robot, number two! Codewoooord: Dirtbag."**

**Robot Number 2: "(two beeps, then the Mac "eep" sound)"**

**Robot Number 2 runs over and punches Grif, then returns to his previous position**

**Grif: "Ow! Hey!"**

A couple of them laughed at that.

"Hey I guess you were right Blake." Yang said laughing. "He did sabotage it."

**Sarge: "Heh, heh heh. Pretty nifty, huh?"**

**Simmons: "** _ **That's awesome, sir.**_ **Let me try, let me try. (clears throat) Codeword dirtbag."**

**Robot Number 2: "(two beeps, then the Mac "eep" sound)"**

**Robot Number 2 runs over and punches Grif, then returns to his previous position**

**Grif: "Ow! Okay fine, two can play at this game. Codeword dirtbag."**

Ren laughed before it even happened.

**Robot Number 2: "(two beeps, then the Mac "eep" sound)"**

**Robot Number 2 runs over and punches Grif, then returns to his previous position**

**Grif: "Ah son of a bitch."**

**Sarge: "But** _ **that's**_ **not the only special feature."**

**Simmons: "What do you mean, sir?"**

**Sarge: "Well... I don't want to give anything away, but let's just say for instance that one of the robots contains a hidden microphone, that will allow us to evesdrop on the blues whenever we want. And let's just sup** _**pose** _ **, shall we, that the other robot, contains a ten megaton bomb, heh heh heh heh he- houw... I guess I kinda gave it away."**

"Ten megaton bomb?" Ruby said confused. "Nora how big of explosion would that be?"

"Hmmmmmmmmmmm." Nora muttered. "Maybe a fifth of Vale would be gone?"

"Wow." Ruby mumbled.

**Grif: "Yeah, ya kinda did."**

**Cut to Donut and Caboose in the blue base**

**Donut: "I think this is what they call the calm before the storm."**

**Caboose: "I call it nap time. Which is** _**right before food time** _ **... And then comes food-nap time! That is my favorite time of them all."**

"Eating right before bed is great." Yang commented.

**Donut: "Mister Caboose, I just want you to know that even though we are on different teams, and we may never see each other again, whatever happens out there today, I'll always remember the moments we shared together. You are now, and forever will be...** _**my friend** _ **."**

"Awe." Pyrrha cooed.

**Caboose: "...Private Donut? That sounds like Private Biscuit."**

**Donut: "(sobbing) Yes. It, does."**

**Cut to the Gulch, where the reds are in one place with Sarge's robots, and Lopez and Sheila are in another place with ...themselves**

**Grif: "You think they'll show up?"**

**Simmons: "Well my gut says no, but, then again my gut's made of an advanced polymer, it doesn't know what the hell it's talkin' about. Stupid gut."**

"Wow, he must be more robot than person." Yang commented.

"Yeah Sarge may have gone a little overboard." Jaune agreed.

**Sarge: "Great Caesar's Toast! Looks like they brought out the heavy artillery!"**

**Sheila rolls up alongside Lopez**

**Lopez: "¿Por qué estan los rojos aquí?"**

**Caption: What are the reds doing here?**

**Lopez: "No el vamos a conquistarlos hasta la Jueves próximo."**

**Caption: We aren't scheduled to conquer them until next Tuesday.**

**Camera zooms around to Tucker, Caboose and Donut nearby**

**Caboose: "That's far enough, Lieutenant McMuffin."**

**Camera backs up behind Sarge**

**Sarge: "Ah, they're lining up in flanking formation. Those blue jackals! Keep yer eyes peeled, fellas. This could get ugly."**

"At least Sarge has some semblance of a military mind." Weiss commented.

"He must have gone through some training to become a sergeant." Pyrrha said.

**Cut to Tucker, with Church on a cliff in the distance looking through the sniper rifle, and radio sounds**

**Tucker: "Are you there Church? Church, are you there Church."**

**Church: "Hey man, I've been trying to get you on the** _ **radio**_ **for** _ **ten minutes**_ **. What's goin' on?"**

**Tucker: "Sorry man, I'm still picking up the reds' transmissions from when we broadcast that Lopez song. There's a lot of chatter."**

"That could be useful." Blake commented.

**Church: "Well are you at least getting any useful information?"**

**Tucker: "Nah it's just the same two guys bickering like an old married couple. I've only been listening for like five minutes and I can already tell they're really in love. Why can't they see it?"**

"Grif and Simmons?" Ruby asked.

"Probably." Yang said.

**Church: "Alright. Get ready to launch Operation Circle of Confusion."**

"Circle? That's a triangle." Nora said.

**Tucker: "Uh Church, it kinda looks more like a triangle from down here."**

"See?" Nora said happily.

"Wonder what their plan is." Blake commented.

"Me too." Ruby said. "Circle of confusion, sounds like a good team move."

"Yeah you're right." Jaune said.

**Church: "What?"**

**Tucker: "I'm just saying it doesn't look much like a circle, it looks more like we're forming a triangle. It's just a side-note."**

**Church: "Okay fine,** _ **triangle**_ **of confusion. Rhombus of terror, parabola of mystery,** _ **WHO CARES!?**_ **Get the God damn show on the road!"**

"I can't remember the last time I heard Dad become genuinely mad." Ruby said.

"I can, I crashed Bumblebee once." Yang said. "I was driving really fast one day and there was a sharp curve. I couldn't figure out the turn ratio and the velocity-"

Ruby snickered. "Turn ratio?"

"Sounds like she's trying to flower it up." Blake said laughing.

"The angular velocity was such that." Jaune joked laughing.

"All right screw you guys! It was so embarrassing." Yang said.

"How?" Pyrrha asked.

"You didn't see how slow I was going." Yang said sighing. "I hit a curb and flew off my bike, across the sidewalk and into the grass."

"Wow." Jaune commented.

"The guy who went to help did say it looked awesome though." Yang said.

"That's a plus". Jaune commented. "Failing with style, sort of my motto huh?" Jaune said laughing.

Pyrrha giggled with him.

**Tucker: "Alright alright, sorry. Initiating primary commencement phase."**

**Donut: "What're they talking about?"**

**Caboose: "Quiet Commander Pop'n'Fresh. I think they're talking about your golden flakey crust."**

"Is that just because of his name?" Ruby asked.

"Probably." Jaune answered.

**Cut to behind the reds, with Tucker at the top of the hill**

**Tucker: "Hello everyone! We're here to surrender! At this time, we would like to ask for one representative slash prisoner from each group to cross sides."**

**Grif: "Hey, I think I see Lopez over there!"**

**Lopez: "Lopez la pesado no te haga caso."**

**Caption: Lopez the Heavy takes orders from your kind no more.**

**Grif: "Yep, it's him."**

**Sheila: "Tell him big daddy."**

Yang started laughing.

Blake had a disgusted look on her face.

"I will never understand why any girl would want to call their boyfriend daddy." Blake said before shivering.

"That's a thing?" Ruby asked. "Weird."

"Eh, not really." Yang said.

"Would you ever call a boyfriend daddy?" Blake asked.

"No. Never. But it's a term of endearment, not necessarily a incest thing." Yang said sounding like a professor.

"Why are you so smart when it comes to inappropriate stuff and curses?" Weiss asked.

"It's a gift." Yang said laughing.

**Tucker: "Okay, get going pinky."**

**Donut starts crossing back to the reds**

**Caboose: "Goodbye, Major Cinnamon Bun! I will always remember your buttery goodness! ...Who was that guy?"**

"Amnesia huh?" Ren mumbled.

**Simmons: "Look, they're releasing Donut."**

**Sarge: "Go on, Francis Ex, front 'n' center."**

**Lopez: "¡Un robotesa! Quieren echar nuestros contra nosotros!"**

**Caption: A robot! They wish to turn our own kind against us!**

**Tucker: "Um, Church? Do you think maybe in hindsight it was a** _ **bad**_ **idea for us to put Lopez around a bunch of robots?"**

"Good point." Blake said.

**Church: "Just stick to the plan, Tucker. Get the first robot over there, I'll draw Lopez's fire, come on!"**

**Lopez arrives between Donut and Francisco Montegue Zanzibar**

**Lopez: "¡Alto, traidor!"**

**Caption: Don't move, traitor!**

**Sarge: "What does it- it's a double cross! Donut, Frankie Zane, get back here!"**

**Donut and Frankie Zane run back towards the Reds.**

"This isn't going to go well." Pyrrha commented.

**Tucker: "(aiming at Lopez) No! Stay where you are! Do not go back!"**

**Simmons: "Now the blues are aiming at each other? What the** _**hell** _ **'s going on?"**

**Sarge: "We've** _ **been**_ **outmaneuvered, men! Take cover. I'm calling in an air strike."**

**LOUD radio noises**

**Tucker: "OW, MOTHER- what the hell is that noise?"**

**Sarge: "Yeh, Red Command, come in! This is Blood Gulch Outpost Number One! Do you read me?"**

**Vic: "Hello, hello, who's there. Come in, is that you Private Tucker? Hello."**

"Hmm?" Ren mumbled sitting up.

**Sarge: "Private who? No, Vic, this is** _**Sarge** _ **, from Blood Gulch Outpost Number One."**

"What!" Weiss yelled.

"I thought Vic was Blue command?" Nora said confused.

"He is." Yang said staring at the screen.

"I always wondered why both sides called their leaders command." Ren said. "Its a set up or a scam."

"Why would he help both sides?" Ruby asked.

"Maybe its an experiment." Blake suggested.

"That's sick." Pyrrha said.

"I- wow." Jaune stuttered out.

"That was- so unexpected...wow." Weiss mumbled.

**Vic: "Oh, hey there Sarge, long time no see, sorry 'bout that I uh, anyway what can we do here for you at Red Command today?"**

"Dirty liar!" Nora yelled.

**Sarge: "I'm up to my haunches in hyenas here, Vic. I need an airstrike, and I need it on the pronto!"**

**Vic: "Can do Sarge, I will send an airstrike to target the blue forces now. Course I'll need you to fax in the airstrike requisition form."**

"I can't believe it was fake the entire time." Ruby said.

"Oh! It's a joke...er well something about how Multiplayer games are. Two nameless teams fighting each other." Jaune said.

"That's so cool." Yang said amazed.

 **Sarge: "But I can't! I had to use spare** _ **parts**_ **from our fax machine to build Simmons Two Point O."**

**Fax machine sounds, Simmons shakes a lot**

**Simmons: "Whoa! Hmm, excuse me, man it must have been something I ate."**

**Grif: "Hey Simmons? Why is there paper coming out of your ass?"**

Weiss sighed. "And it was getting so good."

**Tucker: "What the hell, Vic! How do you know the red team? Why're you helping them against the blues? What the fuck is going on here?"**

**Vic: "Oh... Private, Tucker, you're on here too, uhm... See I uh... You guys are, uh... uh, I gotta go, bad connection."**

"Wow." Blake said simply.

"He got caught." Pyrrha commented.

"Good." Nora said angrily.

**Radio noises as the channel is shut down**

**Sarge: "Wait, Vic. Red Command! Come in, I need ya!"**

**Cut to Vic**

**Vic: "Well. That's not gonna be very good for business."**

"Business?" Ruby said.

"Hmm, somehow Vic is getting money from this." Ren said.

"Could be an experiment like Blake said before." Weiss said.

"Or it could be...it could be a metaphor, Vic is command. He is creating the show for our entertainment." Jaune said.

"That's...horrible." Pyrrha said horrified.

"That's really deep Jaune." Ruby said.

"That's what she said." Yang murmured to herself before falling into a fit of giggles.

"That's a great theory Jaune, wow I'm surprised a show like this could get so good." Blake said.

"Lets keep watching, hit play, hit play." Weiss ordered.

**Back to the reds**

**Sarge: "Simmons, Grif... We're out of luck. Get ready to open fire. Today is a good day to die!"**

**Grif: "Wait! I think today is actually a good day to** _**retreat** _ **. Can't we push dying to a week from friday?"**

**Simmons: "Yeah, let's all take dying as an open action item, and come back with suggestions** _ **next**_ **meeting."**

 **Sarge: "No!** _ **It has to be today.**_ **For our ancestors. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! (charges up the hill)"**

**Tucker: "Wait everyone, stop fighting!"**

Everyone was wide awake and leaning forward.

**Sarge: "Yeah, come on!"**

**Tucker: "It's all a lie!"**

**Sarge: "Let's go! Haha"**

**Tucker: "Red is blue! Blue is red!"**

**Sarge: "Yeah, kablammo!"**

**Tucker: "We're all the same!"**

**Sarge: "Yeeekakakakakakakakakaka!"**

**Radio noises**

**Church: "(arriving with everyone else) Tucker, you radio's giving too much feedback, shut it off!"**

"Sarge is going crazy!" Nora yelled.

**Caboose: "** _**Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!** _ **This is fun! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!"**

**Sarge: "Yaaaaaaaaaaaakakakakakakaka Oh, dammit! Gaaaaaaaaaa!"**

**Simmons: "Quiet Sarge, I can't hear what that guy's yelling!"**

"I know shut up!" Weiss yelled.

**Sheila: "Lock and load."**

**Sarge: "I LOVE BLOOD AND VIOLENCE!"**

**Tucker: "Stop fighting! Stop fighting!"**

**Sarge: "I'VE GOT A BONER FOR MURDER!"**

"Its all going crazy!" Ruby yelled.

"Whats that behind Tucker!" Yang yelled.

"I saw it too!" Pyrrha yelled.

**Simmons: "What did you say, blue?"**

**Church takes over Robot Number 2**

**Robot Number 2: "Hegakergerk, wheh!"**

**Sarge: "Kaboom!"**

**Tucker: "I said, there's no red versus blue! It's all the-"**

**Doc flies in on the alien wessel and shoots Tucker in the back with a rocket**

"Woah!"

"Ahhh!"

"What!"

"Whats happening! I'm so confused!" Ruby yelled.

**Tucker: "Waaaaaa son of a bitch!"**

**Sarge: "What the hell is that?"**

**Church: "** _**What the hell is that!?"** _

"I want to know the same thing!" Yang yelled.

**Lopez: "¿Mira que cosa?"**

**Donut: "Oh my God. It's the** _**Cave Devil** _ **. Run for your lives!"**

"It's O'Malley!" Ren yelled.

**Another rocket is fired in to the ground behind Donut, Caboose, Lopez, and Francisco Montegue Zanzibar, making them scatter**

**Doc: "Oops! Sorry about that big explosion!"**

**O'Malley: "Sorry it wasn't** _ **bigger!**_ **(evil laugh)"**

**Church in Robot Number 2: "Wait a second, I'd know that laugh anywhere, that's O'Malley!"**

**Another rocket is fired in to the ground behind Church, Zanzibar, Sarge, Caboose, and Donut, making** _ **them**_ **scatter**

**Doc: "My bad!"**

**Church: "(to Zanzibar) Come on robot, you're with me."**

**Lopez: "(shooting at Church and Zanzibar) ¡Sheila, alto los!"**

**Caption: Sheila, stop them!**

**Sheila: "My pleasure. (aims at them and fires)"**

**Cut to Sarge and Grif behind a rock**

"This is the most action packed episode yet!" Jaune said excitedly.

"I love it!" Yang yelled.

**Sarge: "Grif. We're going to die. I'm glad we get these last few moments to make amends. My only hope is that I die before you, so that I don't live through the horror of losing a man on the battlefield."**

"Awe, that's so sad." Pyrrha said.

"Winter said that General Ironwood felt the same way." Weiss said.

**Grif: "Yeeeah. I hope you die first too, Sarge."**

"Ruined." Pyrrha said passive aggressively.

**Church and Zanzibar crest the hill to arrive at Tucker's location**

**Church: "Tucker, Tucker! Are you okay?"**

**Tucker: "(lying lifeless on the ground) Church. The purple guy. He's-"**

"Why does everyone on blue team die!?" Nora yelled.

**Church: "Yeah I know, it's O'Malley. He must have got in the medic somehow."**

**Tucker: "No. He's an asshole."**

**Sheila: "(in background) Lopez! No!"**

"Whats happening now?!" Weiss said loudly.

**Caboose: "Church, how come Tucker gets to nap during battles and I don't?"**

**O'Malley laughs evilly in the background. Sheila rolls up to the blues**

**Sheila: "Help! He took Lopez!"**

**Church: "What? Where'd he go?"**

**O'Malley laughs evilly as the camera zips to the red base, with him standing with Lopez on it**

**O'Malley: "Here I am, you fool!"**

"Woah, he got up there fast." Ruby commented.

**Church: "How'd he get up there so quick?"**

**Donut: "That guy's wicked fast!"**

"Like me!" Ruby yelled.

**Doc: "Thanks, I lettered in track in high school! It was the least directly competitive sport I could find."**

**Grif: "Track sucks!"**

"Track is great!" Ruby yelled.

"You have never been in track." Yang said.

"I like running." Ruby said crossing her arms.

 **O'Malley: "** _ **You**_ **suck! And** _ **now**_ **I make my escape with my metallic hostage, never to be seen again! Unless I** _ **want**_ **to be seen, in which case, if I see you before you see me...** _ **look out**_ **!"**

"Huh?" Nora said confused.

**Grif and Simmons look at each other**

**O'Malley: "The Universe will be mine! (evil laugh)"**

"Well, now the show has a main villain." Jaune said.

"Not the best of villains but...the show is getting great! Compared to the earlier episodes." Weiss said while Blake agreed.

**Sheila: "** _**Lopez! No!"** _

**O'Malley: "Move it, brown bot."**

**Lopez and O'Malley run through the teleporter**

**O'Malley: "In to the abyss!"**

**Cut to Church, with a lingering evil laugh from our favorite homicidal A.I.**

**Church: "Everyone hold your fire! We're comin' out. Truce!"**

**Caboose: "Time out!"**

Yang and Ruby laughed at Caboose.

"Things are finally calming down." Pyrrha said.

"Yeah. Wow." Jaune said amazed at the action.

"I'm surprised the show got me so...excited." Ren said while Yang snickered.

**Church and Caboose run up to the reds**

**Grif: "Would someone explain what just happened here?"**

**Church: "That evil guy in the scooter shot one of our guys and ran off with Lopez."**

"Scooter hmm." Ren mumbled.

**Sarge: "But we need Lopez for very specific reasons that we don't have to explain to you. We have to get him back."**

**Church: "Yeah and we have to get the evil guy back. He's the only one around here that can heal Tucker."**

"Wow, And now Church doesn't have Tex to help him kill O'Malley." Jaune said.

"Tex can come back, as can Tucker if he dies." Weiss said.

**Grif: "So now we're forced to work together. How ironic."**

"Thats not Ironic?" Ren said.

**Simmons: "No, that's not ironic. Ironic would be if we had to work together to hurt each other."**

"That is." Ren said.

**Donut: "No, ironic would be instead of that guy kidnapping Lopez, Lopez kidnapped** _**him** _ **."**

"What?" Ren said confused.

 **Sarge: "** _ **I**_ **think it would be ironic if our guns didn't shoot bullets, but instead squirted a healing salve that cured all wounds."**

"That would be Ironic." Ren said.

"How would a war like that even happen?" Ruby asked.

"Maybe the side who heals the most wins!" Nora said.

"That would be amazing." Ruby said.

"It would." Pyrrha said smiling.

**Caboose: "I think it would be ironic, if everyone was made of iron."**

Yang started laughing uncontrollably.

Ruby, Weiss, and Blake groaned.

"It's not that funny Yang." Blake said to deaf ears.

**Black screen with message: two hours later. Cut to everyone on top of the red base, including Sheila and Doc's discarded scooter**

"It really takes them a long time to talk." Pyrrha said.

 **Church: "Okay. We all agree, that while the current situation, is not totally ironic, the fact that we now have to work together,** _ **is odd**_ **in an unexpected way, that defies our normal circumstances. Is everybody happy with that..."**

**Sarge: "Yes."**

**Simmons: "And, I just finished reprogramming our teleporter, to take us directly to Lopez and O'Malley's coordinates."**

"At least someone was productive." Weiss said.

**Sarge: "We'll leave one member of each team so that noone can trick anyone and take over the canyon. Our man will be Donut."**

**Caboose: "We will leave Corporal Croissandwich!"**

**Church: "Caboose..."**

**Caboose: "We will leave Sheila."**

"That's a little unfair." Pyrrha commented.

"If Sarge can beat a Turret shooting armor piercing rounds using only his face, Donut can beat a Tank round to the head." Nora said.

"Nice Callback." Jaune said laughing.

 **Donut: "Yeah,** _ **thanks guys.**_ **Because, you know if this** _ **is**_ **a trick, I'm sure I can hold her off on my own."**

"I can't ell if he's being sarcastic or not." Weiss said.

"Or dumb." Blake added.

**Church: "Alright, we're gonna do this one at a time then. You first Sarge."**

**Sarge: "Today seems like a good day to teleport. (running in to the teleporter) Geronimo!"**

**Caboose: "(running in to the teleporter) Paskataway!"**

**Simmons: "Hmmm..."**

**Grif: "What's wrong?"**

**Simmons: "I just had a really weird feeling that I'm never gonna see this place again."**

"Wait? Is this the end of Blood Gulch?" Ruby asked.

"Maybe." Yang said. "Wow."

**Grif: "And that's a bad thing?"**

**Simmons: "Oh I didn't say weird** _**bad** _ **, I just said weird. (runs in to the teleporter)"**

**Church: "Alright. It's Grif, right? You 'n' me will go through together, ready?"**

**Grif: "After you."**

**Church runs through the teleporter, followed closely by Grif**

**Donut: "Huh. I wonder if I should have told the guys that thing I heard O'Malley say about sabotage when I was in the cave. ...Ah well. (turns to face Sheila) Uh, hi!"**

"Oh shit." Yang mumbled.

"I forgot about that!" Weiss said.

"'Me too." Ren said.

**Sheila: "Stop staring at my treads, buddy."**

**Donut: "Geeze. Sor** _**ry** _ **."**

**Francisco Montegue Zanzibar's body shakes a lot, then stops**

"Tex?" Ren murmured.

**Tex in Zanzibar's body: "Alright you sons of bitches, I'm back, and I've got some- Hey- hey where'd everybody go? (sees Donut) Do I know you? Hey! You're the girl that killed me!"**

**Sheila turns her turret from Tex to Donut**

**Donut: "(turning to face the camera) Uh oh."**

"Well, that's not good." Pyrrha commented.

**Sarge and Caboose emerge standing in a stream**

**Sarge: "Prepare to surrender, dirtbag!"**

**Caboose: "Okay, I surrender. Now it's your turn."**

**Sarge: "Not you, moron. Wait a minute, where are we?"**

**Simmons emerges in what appears to be an industrial complex of some sort**

"That's the sabotage." Ren explained.

**Simmons: "Guys? Oh guys... Where is everybody?"**

**Cut to Church and Grif standing on a cliff in Sidewinder**

**Church: "Alright, now let's just find- where is everybody?"**

**Grif: "Whoa. Where** _ **are**_ **we? What is this place?"**

"That looks like sidewinder." Ren said.

"Yeah, Church is going to be hurt going back to the place where his friends died." Blake commented.

**Someone in tan armor steps behind them, pointing his gun at them**

**Soldier: "Freeze, drop your weapon!"**

"Is that a red?" Ruby asked.

**Church: "Uh oh."**

**Soldier: "I said freeze,** _**dirtbag!"** _

Ren laughed.

**Church: "(two beeps, then the Mac "eep" sound)"**

**Church punches Grif**

**Grif: "Ow! Aw** _**come on!"** _

**The screen turned black.**

" **Steady Ride (Gun Metal Green)" started playing.**

"Wait is that the end?" Ruby asked.

" **Red vs Blue Season 2" appeared in big block letters.**

"Guess it is." Yang said.

" **The Blood Gulch Chronicles"**

"This song is great." Jaune commented.

**The screen started going down. And yet again...the credits were blurred.**

"Ah bullshit!" Yang yelled angrily.

"I actually want to see the credits for once!" Nora yelled.

Ruby groaned in annoyance.

"I don't think we will ever see the credits." Weiss said angrily.

"Don't give up hope just yet." Pyrrha warned.

" _ **Gun metal green**_

_**Prettiest that I've seen** _

_**I've nothing to hide** _

_**And you've nothing to hide"** _

" _ **I'd trust you at the wheel**_

_**Even if we're going down** _

_**Our love is made of steel** _

_**Last us til the underground** _

_**Steady and surreal** _

_**In a world of lost and found"** _

"Lyrics don't make much sense." Jaune said.

"I understand them a little." Weiss commented.

" _ **Took out the trash**_

_**Paid my bills all in cash** _

_**Nothing to hide** _

_**And it's summer outside"** _

" _ **I'd trust you at the wheel**_

_**Even if we're going down** _

_**Our love is made of steel** _

_**Last us til the underground"** _

Jaune and Weiss started humming along.

" _ **Steady and surreal**_

_**In a world of lost and found** _

_**Trust you at the wheel** _

_**Know you'll keep us safe and sound"** _

Ruby and Yang joined in.

" _ **I'd trust you at the wheel**_

_**Even if we're going down** _

_**Our love is made of steel** _

_**Last us til the underground** _

_**Steady and surreal** _

_**In a world of lost and found** _

_**Steady and surreal, in a world of lost and found"** _

" _ **We don't need a key**_

_**We were already free** _

_**Cruising along** _

_**To a mexican song"** _

" _ **I'd trust you at the wheel,**_

_**Even if we're going down** _

_**Our love is made of steel** _

_**Last us till the underground** _

_**Steady and surreal** _

_**In a world of lost and found"** _

" _ **I'd trust you at the wheel,**_

_**Even if we're going down** _

_**Our love is made of steel** _

_**Last us till the underground"** _

"What did the song mean?" Ruby asked.

"I think its about a couple, specifically a man who loves the girl, and he trusts her a lot." Weiss explained. "And they live in a dangerous world."

"That sounds right." Pyrrha said.

"I liked the song." Yang said.

"Me too." Pyrrha added.

"Not really my kind of song but it was good." Yang said. "Way better than the last one."

"Agreed." Blake said.

"So what did you guys think of the season?" Jaune asked.

"Way way waaaaaaay better than the last one." Yang said. "It was way funnier and action packed."

"The dialogue and story improved dramatically, I also liked the somewhat darker themes and I loved Church and Tex's development romantically." Blake said.

"I didn't like it that much but it wasn't bad. The quality increased and it got really clever." Weiss said. "It surprised me with that twist near the end."

"That's another thing I loved." Blake added.

"I did too, the season was way better than last ones and I loved the jokes." Jaune added.

"I liked how the show surprised me." Ren said. "That's not usual, usually I can tell which characters will do what, who will die, and things like that from the first few episodes."

"Its annoying! I showed him a show I really liked and he was able to predict everything so fast!" Nora yelled. "But yeah I loved this season! After me and Yang go clubbing we are watching the next season!"

"Yeah! Whats the plan?" Ruby asked. "Spruce Willis movie, then we all come back while Nora and Yang beat up Junior's men?"

"Sounds like a plan!" Yang yelled.

"Lets do it!" Nora screamed.

**—-Criminals SS—- Not Canon**

Cinder strode back into the dorm angrily.

"Whats wrong ma'am?" Emerald asked.

"Our animalistic friends." Cinder sighed.

"Idiots every one of them." Mercury said.

"I didn't take you for as someone with prejudices." Cinder said mildly surprised.

"It's not because they're Faunus, they're idiots and can't get anything done right." Mercury said.

"Ah but they fail exactly when and how I want them to. So predictable and easy to manipulate." Cinder smirked.

Mercury and Emerald laughed.

"So, how was your little movie night." Cinder asked.

"Awesome."

"Terrible."

"Children please, I need more information." Cinder sighed.

"Nothing much of interest." Mercury said. "Season two ended with O'Malley escaping the Canyon to conquer the universe."

"And that's it." Emerald said. "Nothing else important happened. Other than O'Malley escaping through a teleporter."

"Hmm." Cinder mumbled. "Alright, I am free from work for now, tomorrow we will continue to watch this show. Continue to research possibilities for how this hack happened to us." Cinder ordered.

"Yes ma'am" both answered in unison.

* * *

**My pm's are open to**

**-Suggestions for this FanFiction**

**-Requests for any new FanFictions**

**-Advice on writing**

**-Reviews**

**-Pointing out any and all mistakes**

**-Thanks!**


	39. S3E39 The Best Laid Plans

**Author's Note:**

**So just wanted to thank you all for the support again and I would love to thank a guest reviewer for pointing out some mistakes in a chapter. Remember**

**Thanks to TRUCE1 for showing me the video listing all RWBY voice actors in RVB. And a special thanks to avaize who gave me an incredible Idea, you can look in the reviews to see it or wait and be surprised.**

**Love the support, I never expected I would get any and I hope to improve my writing for you all. Enjoy!**

**Edit: I took out the entire OOC story of Nora's and Yang's drunk adventure that was just a copy of a few RTAA drunk stories. Why did I write that? ugh that's a good 1 thousand words gone. Can't believe I wrote that, this fic is not "Watch React Believe Yikes" I will try my best to snip out any references to their drunk adventure but ugh. I wrote this so long ago and instead of taking it out when I realized how dumb it was I tried ret-con explaining it away with Yang and Nora in character.**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 39- The Best Laid Plans**

"Please! Someone just kill me please." Yang groaned out in her bunk.

Weiss sighed. "And that is why you do not drink children."

"I don't know how Qrow does it." Ruby said sighing.

"He's had years of practice Ruby." Yang said before she gripped her head in pain. "Coffee!" She gritted out.

Weiss sighed and got up. "I'll do it." She said. "Helped my drunk mom enough to know exactly how to deal with this." Weiss mumbled to herself angrily.

"I thought you could handle your alcohol." Blake commented.

"I'm not hungover, too many blows to the head." Yang grumbled. "Those twins are brutal and this time they all attacked at once. Nora's help was great though."

"So you two did beat up Junior's men?" Weiss asked as she walked to the door, handing Yang her coffee in the process.

Yang nodded as she followed her team over to JNPR's room. "Thanks for the coffee Weiss."

**The Intro played out as usual,the only difference was Doc and O'malley being added.**

" **The Best Laid Plans" appeared on the screen with the theme music.**

Ruby, Nora, Yang, and Jaune hummed the theme but Yang and Nora stopped soon after because their heads still hurt.

"Oh Ruby I forgot to ask." Weiss started. "What happened with Velvet's camera?"

"I still have it." Ruby answered holding up the camera. "Velvet has a spare camera but its more like a twin camera. Every picture I take on this one sends over to her other camera." Ruby explained. "Velvet said Coco was really happy with the Turret Design and was working on a new modification to her purse."

"New purse?" Jaune asked confused.

"no, modification not new. Her purse turns into her machine gun from the show!" Ruby said happily. "It's Awesome!"

**The scene Fades in on Tucker lying face down in the ground, with Donut standing over him**

**Tucker: "(lifeless moans)"**

"Oh wow he's alive." Weiss mumbled.

**Donut: "Come on mister blue guy, you gotta wake up. Wake up."**

**Tucker: "It hurts. Just let me die."**

**Donut: "You can't die,** _ **I'm bored!**_ **All these girls wanna talk about is** _ **chick stuff,**_ **and not the fun chick stuff like ribbons and unicorns."**

"Regular chicks don't even talk about that." Yang said.

"What!" Ruby and Nora yelled.

"I love Ribbons!" Nora yelled.

"I do too." Blake mumbled.

"I don't know what Unicorns are but they sound awesome!" Ruby yelled.

"Like I said...Normal chicks." Yang said laughing.

**Cut to Tex and Sheila**

**Tex: "I don't have treads, but I often find them staring at things they** _ **really**_ **shouldn't be."**

Yang and Nora started laughing while Weiss, Blake, and Pyrrha groaned. Ruby understood it but wasn't really affected by it.

"It's so infuriating to _feel_ guys eyes on my...privates." Weiss said.

"Privates? What are you ten?" Yang asked.

"I can't stand it when I feel their eyes on my ass! You happy?!" Weiss asked Yang.

"Maybe if you're skirt wasn't so short." Blake whispered seriously trying to help.

"Combat Skirt." Weiss growled.

"I kind of wish guys would notice me more but also at the same time I do not want to be with any guy like that." Ruby said.

"You can't blame guys for looking." Yang said. "If they're staring all creepy like and stopping what they're doing then there's a problem."

"I get looked at for different reasons." Pyrrha said sighing.

"Aw don't feel bad Pyrrha, I'm sure guys look at you for your body too!" Nora complimented.

Pyrrha chuckled. "Thanks Nora, I know you meant that as a compliment."

"I used to always feel everyone's eyes on my ears, then as soon as I put the bow on it allll moved to my ass." Blake said angrily.

Yang burst out laughing. "Admit it Blake, it was better."

"It was an improvement." Blake admitted.

**Cut back to Donut and Tucker**

**Donut: "You see?** _ **Boring**_ **stuff like oppression, and a hostile work environment."**

"Really? Why would women be oppressed or have a hostile work environment?" Yang asked.

"You need to study your history Yang." Pyrrha said. "Fifty years ago women were slightly oppressed by laws but they were fixed and way before that women were seen as lower class citizens."

"Why would guys oppress women?" Ruby asked.

"Some women stood by the laws themselves and oppressed other women too." Ren explained.

"What?" Ruby asked.

"It's all in the past now, women used to be oppressed and now they aren't. The Faunus are still being oppressed but I hope that will soon change." Blake said.

**Tucker: "Get Doc, I need Doc."**

**Donut: "I can't. He got possessed by that evil guy and they escaped. He's the one that shot you. Don't you remember?"**

**Tucker: "I know. I want him to shoot me again."**

"He sounds depressed." Blake commented.

**Donut: "Now now now, sounds like someone's got a case of the "poor me"s. If you were gonna die you would have done it by now! Maybe you just need to realise, you're gonna have to live with intense pain."**

"Good pep talk." Yang said seriously. "People need to grow up and deal with it, whatever bull they're whining about."

"People shouldn't have to live with intense pain or other bad things like the Grimm." Ruby said naively.

"Yeah they shouldn't." Blake agreed. "And things can always change."

"Yeah, that's what I mean by deal with it. Don't ignore it and suffer through it. If you have a problem _deal_ with it." Yang explained.

"You should be a motivational speaker." Jaune joked.

 **Tucker: "Get that Sarge guy, have** _ **him**_ **make me a new body."**

**Donut: "Huhg, we can't. We're out of parts because we overused that joke. And Sarge left with the others to chase Doc. But don't you worry, they left a long time ago, so I'm sure they'll be back any minute. Simmons had a fool-proof plan to catch him."**

"Overused the joke?" Ruby asked.

"I didn't think it was overused." Yang commented.

"Me neither." Jaune said.

**Cut to Simmons in one of many similar corridors of grey between red walls**

**Simmons: "Hellooooo... Hello? Is anybody here? Just great. I guess we all got seperated in the teleporter.**

**radio sounds**

**Simmons: "Sarge. This is Simmons 2.0, do you read me. Apparently your plan to chase Lopez and Doc has failed miserably. I appear to be stuck in some kind of nexus of teleporters, which could take me anywhere in the Universe... Or it's a janitor's closet, the hell I don't fucking know, Sarge, are you there, Sarge!"**

**Cut to Sarge and Caboose standing in a stream**

**Sarge: "Hello, anyone!** _ **Do you read me?**_ **Do I read you? Anyone? Anybody? Nobody? Okay. (sound of his radio turning off)"**

**Sarge: "(to Caboose) Well, I don't think the others are coming. They must have gotten separated somehow."**

**Caboose: "My toes, are getting pruny."**

"Full body armor and it's not water proof." Weiss commented.

**Sarge: "O...kay. Why don't we try to find O'Malley? (runs off)"**

**Caboose: "I know where you can find O'Malley. He lived inside my helmet for a while, maybe he left an address to send his mail. We were like roommates." (runs off to follow Sarge)**

"Pretty bad roommate." Pyrrha commented.

**Sarge: "Sounds like he took some of the furniture when he left. And the carpet. And the drapes. And I wouldn't expect to get that deposit back. 'fyou know what I mean."**

Weiss and Blake laughed at that.

"See, I like some of the jokes as long as they're clever." Weiss said.

**Sarge and Caboose come upon a fallen blue soldier outside a base**

**Caboose: "Sergeant. Look! A sleeping person!"**

"So childish." Pyrrha mumbled.

Blake looked at the screen darkly. "I remember a kid saying the same thing."

Everyone's mood went down.

"Sorry." Blake muttered.

**Sarge: "What? Holy macaroon."**

**Sarge runs over and kneels by the fallen blue**

**Sarge: "He's not sleeping son, he's dead."**

**Caboose: "Oh good. At first, I thought that was me. Because, I am blue. And, I like to sleep. But, if he is dead that cannot be me. That would be silly."**

**Sarge: "No doubt he was killed by our** _**very enemy** _ **, once again I find myself torn. On the one hand, there's one less blue in the Universe. But now Doc's got a** _**bigger body count than me** _ **! And that just won't do. No sir. Rest in peace... scumbag."**

"A truly Heartwarming eulogy." Yang said laughing.

**Caboose runs behind the base and sees many fallen blues and reds**

"O'Malley didn't do this." Jaune said.

"Other reds and blues being used by vic." Ren said.

"Monster." Nora mumbled.

"They all killed each other." Blake said darkly.

 **Caboose: "Look - more sleeping people! It must be nap time. But who has nap time now? Nap time comes** _ **before**_ **pants time, not after. I think these people are just making up times."**

 **Sarge: "What the Samuel Helsinki happened here? There must have been an** _ **e**_ **normous battle. Hello! Is anyone okay!? Are there any survivors? Preferably any** _ **red**_ **survivors? Don't let that discourage you from speaking up if you blue, I won't step on your neck or anything like that."**

"Kind of hard for the mood to lighten." Yang commented.

"Samuel helsin- helsink whatever? What was that?" Ruby asked.

"Sounds like another name and reference we don't get." Yang explained.

**Caboose: "Am I allowed to answer?"**

**Sarge: "Shh quiet. You hear that?**

**In the background."**

**trumpet music starts getting louder**

**Caboose: "Yes. That noise is called** _**water** _ **. It is very wet, and very sloshy-"**

"It sounds like fanfare." Weiss said. "For an army or something."

**Sarge: "I was talking about the trumpet, bluetard."**

**Caboose: "I have to go to the bathroom now for some reason. Which is odd, because I already went when we were standing in the creek together."**

**Sarge: "Wait a minute I know that song, that's Revelee. But why would someone be playing Revelee in the middle of a-"**

"Revelee..." Ren mumbled writing in his notes.

**All of a sudden, every fallen soldier at once jumps up yelling and cheering**

"Woah what!" Ruby yelled.

"Why are they so happy?! I thought they were dead!" Blake yelled.

"Maybe they're happy that they're alive." Pyrrha suggested.

**Sarge: "Sweet jibbly jiblets!"**

**Caboose: "Running time!"**

**The soldiers all run off, going around Sarge and Caboose to get back to their bases**

**Soldiers: "Hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut etc."**

**A blue soldier: "(jumping in to the blue base) and jump."**

**A red soldier: "(running to the red base) Huay ho huay ho ho hey ho ha ya ho ya yo yuh!"**

"What kind of chant is that?" Yang asked.

"I like it!" Nora said.

**The soldiers all run in to their bases, leaving Sarge and Caboose alone outside**

**Sarge: "What just happened here."**

**Caboose: "I think all the sleepy people were trying to ke-"**

**Sarge: "That was rhetorical."**

"Aw what? I wanted to know." Ruby complained.

"Caboose would probably be wrong." Ren said **.**

**A blue soldier: "(from inside) Yeah, go blue team!"**

**Sarge: "Get over here, give me a boost!"**

**Caboose: "Okay. (steps closer to Sarge) You are a** _ **good person**_ **, and people say nice things a** _ **bout**_ **you."**

"Sweet." Pyrrha commented.

**Sarge: "Not a morale boost, moron, a physical one. I need to see what's in that window."**

**Caboose: "That window is very high. I don't think you are tall enough."**

**Sarge: "** _**I know** _ **, I need you to help me look through it."**

**Caboose: "I don't think I am tall enough either. Also, my head is round, that window is square."**

"A true genius." Weiss said sarcastically.

**Sarge: "Come here, you."**

**Sarge boosts Caboose up to look in the base**

**Blue soldier 1: "I'm gonna kill me a red, and when I get him I'm gonna chop his guts"**

**Caboose: "Whoa."**

**Sarge: "What do you see?"**

**Caboose: "I see... a room."**

**Sarge: "And? What's in the room?"**

**Caboose: "There are some walls, and some ceilings. Wait- just one ceiling."**

Weiss and Blake groaned.

**Sarge: "What's making that racket?"**

**The blue Soldiers: "Kill the reds, kill the reds, kill the reds, kill the reds, kill the reds!"**

Yang and Nora laughed at that.

"They sound like fanatics." Blake said.

**Caboose: "You are not going to like it."**

**Sarge lets Caboose down**

**Sarge: "Caboose, I have a very bad feeling abou-"**

**Trumpet music CHARGE plays**

**Sarge: "What's that?"**

**The blues emerge from their base firing on all cylinders, yelling CHARGE! and similar optimistic battle-cries. The reds do the same. A blatant firefight ensues**

"The reds sound like a sped up version of Simmons voice and the blues sound like sped of versions of Church's." Ren said.

"Yeah I hear it." Jaune said.

**Sarge: "Come on Caboose, we gotta get to higher ground!"**

**They run off**

**A blue soldier: "Yeah I love reloading, I love to reload!"**

**A red soldier: "(smashing him in the back of the head) Oh, back of the head!"**

"Cool callback." Jaune commented.

**The newly fallen blue soldier: "D'oh, tell my girlfriend that I love her."**

**The red soldier: "She's my girlfriend now bitch!"**

"Oh I get it!" Ruby yelled.

"Oh! It's a multiplayer match!" Jaune yelled.

Yang and Ruby started laughing.

"A what?" Weiss asked.

"Weiss, you are about to see what an online multiplayer match looks like." Yang said laughing.

**Sarge: "Come on Caboose! (they run up a convenient ladder)"**

**The Soldiers: "(random shouts and jeers)"**

**Caboose: "Sarge... I am scared of our new friends."**

**Sarge: "Hot Sonny Bono, what's going on here?"**

"Yay another one." Yang said sarcastically.

**A red soldier emerges from the blue base with their flag**

**The red soldier: "Stop fighting, stop fighting everyone, stop fighting! (everyone stops shooting and looks at him) Everyone, everyone, look unto me! I possess the blue flag!"**

**A red soldier: "It's more beautiful than I ever imagined!"**

**The red flag bearer: "I have seen the top of the mountain! And you will worship me as though I were a God!"**

"Definitely religious fanatics." Weiss said agreeing with Blake.

**The poor red dude is mobbed by four blues at once, WWE-style, and taken down**

**The red flag bearer: "I regret nothing! I lived as few men dare to dream!"**

**The remaining soldiers look at each other, then back at him, then back at each other, and continue firing. A red guy gets a blue guy from behind with the butt of his gun**

**Red guy: "Hell yeah! (gets shot in the back of the head) Oh no!"**

**The blue sniper: "Head shot! (gets shot in the feet by a rocket) Oh, you rocket-whore!"**

**Blue soldier: "Hergh Blegh"**

"Nice callback again but Ugh I hate people who constantly use rockets." Jaune said.

"Why? Get the rockets first." Yang said.

**A Blue guy: "Hey I got some, you want some? I got some for you! Come on you!"**

**A Red guy: "The only good blue is a dead blue!"**

**A different Red guy: "Christ this water's cold!"**

**Cut to a red and a blue on either side of a rock alternating standing up firing and crouching so the other guy can fire.**

**Red and Blue: "ho hey ho hey ho hey ho hey ho hey"**

Yang, Ruby, Jaune, Pyrrha, and Nora giggled nonstop.

"This is weird." Weiss commented.

**The blue guy is killed by a grenade from behind**

**Red guy: "Weak! You took my kill!"**

"Yang always steals my kills." Ruby complained.

"Kill them first." Yang said simply.

"I'm so confused." Blake said.

**Other Red guy: "I didn't see you name on it! (gets shot by a camper from behind a rock) Oh you fucking camping bitch!"**

"It's a strategy!" Jaune yelled.

"For pussies." Yang said.

**Blue camper: "It's a legitimate strategy! (gets shot at rounding a rock) Whoa!"**

"See? He agrees." Jaune pointed out.

**Red guy: "Damn! Hey blue, we're the only two left! Let's work together!"**

**Blue guy: "What do you mean?"**

"Now the Blue guy sounds like Simmons." Ren pointed out.

**Red guy: "I'm coming out!"**

**Blue guy: "Okay, I'm coming out too!**

**They meet in the stream"**

**Blue guy: "What did you mean we could work as a team?"**

**The red guy smashes the blue guy in the face with his gun**

"I love proximity chat I always do that." Jaune said.

"That sounds like cheating." Pyrrha said.

"Nope its lying!" Yang said. "I do it too."

**Red guy: "I bash you in the head with my rifle and you die. Good teamwork you fucking n00b. Good game, good game everybody! GG man, GG. (takes a hit from nowhere in the back of the head and falls over) herg Bleugghh"**

"GG?" Weiss asked.

"Good game." Ruby explained.

**Sarge: "I have no earthly idea what it is I just saw, or what this place is, or where in the Hell O'Malley is! My only choice is to blame Grif, for coming up with such a flawed plan. Stupid, stupid Grif."**

"I agree with Sarge, I have no idea what I just saw." Pyrrha said.

Yang and Jaune laughed.

**Caboose: "I am so confused. Where is Church? I need Church to tell me what to think. Church could handle this. He can handle anything!"**

**Cut to Church and Grif in jail**

**Church: "Hey asshole, for the last time,** _**LET ME OUTTA THIS GOD DAMN JAIL CELL!"** _

"Nope he can't." Yang said laughing.

**Grif: "Yeah, let him out. He's driving me nuts!"**

**Church: "Oh shut up, red, nobody asked you."**

**Grif: "I should have never listened to Donut's stupid fucking plan."**

**The screen faded to black.**

"I loved that!" Yang said.

"I know! It's a really funny parody of real matches." Jaune said.

"Except it had a lot less trash talk." Ruby said.

"I can see why you enjoy these kind of games." Weiss said.

"And I know why I hate them." Blake said.

"Next episode?" Jaune asked.

**—Professor's SS— Not Canon**

Glynda sighed as she left the dorm, more out of annoyance at her coworkers than fixing a simple wall. _I do not sound like Tex._ _Speaking of Tex_ Glynda thought annoyed as she entered Ozpins office to see that Peter had joined the crew. Glynda sighed, "what is he doing here?"

"What seems to be the problem Glynda?" Ozpin asked with a faked look of ignorance.

"Peter here wanted to join in so I invited him!" Oobleck said quickly.

"And Join I did! What an amazing display of Bravery! And Duty!" Peter commented about the recent episode.

"What is he talking about?" Glynda asked.

"The most recent episode which I fully expect you to watch." Ozpin said pointing at Glynda.

Glynda groaned in frustration.

* * *

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**-Thanks!**


	40. S3E40 Visiting Old Friends

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

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**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 40- Visiting Old Friends**

"Soooo." Jaune said awkwardly. "Are we going to start the next episode?"

"Yes! Start it!" Nora said loudly.

Ren while still keeping a straight face was still amazed at how Nora could concentrate on a show. Normally after a minute or two she would get bored and move on to the next crazy thing. Ren smiled and nodded towards Jaune.

" **Visiting Old Friends" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

**Simmons is standing in front of one of the teleporters in his janitor closet**

**Simmons: "Okay, let's see, if I wire this thing in to that... maybe I could signal boost on that thing there... I might just be able to get that to work."**

"Hmm Simmons talks to himself while he works." Ren pointed out.

"He's like you" Nora said pointing at Ren.

"Ren doesn't talk to himself while he works?" Jaune said confused.

"When he's in the zone like a crazy hardcore working zone he will whisper to himself! It's kind of weird but not." Nora said kind of confusing everyone.

"I have the habit of mumbling to myself when I am very focused." Ren translated.

**View through the Teleporter to Sarge and Caboose shooting**

**Sarge: "Caboose, Caboose, keep them away from me! Get that one. And that one. No no, the one with the limp! Get 'im!"**

"Do they just keep respawning?" Ruby asked.

"Hmm looks like it, I wonder how you fight something like that." Jaune said while thinking of strategies in his head.

"Keep fighting until they stop!" Yang suggested.

"Not every fight can be won with brute force." Weiss lectured.

Pyrrha nodded.

**Simmons: "Sarge, is that you?"**

**Caboose: "I don't want to kill... but... I don't want to die even more."**

"Survival instinct wins." Blake mumbled, slightly laughing to her dry sense of humor.

**Simmons: "Caboose, can you hear me!?"**

**Caboose: "Yes, I heard you Sargeant."**

**Sarge: "I didn't** _ **say**_ **anything, numbnuts."**

**View is solidly in Battle Creek**

**Sarge: "Caboose, we have to break this neverending cycle of attack and retaliation, either by A) convincing the two sides to live in peace, or B) by getting ourselves com** _ **pletely**_ **involved, and kicking some** _ **serious ass!**_ **I vote B."**

"I vote A." Blake said.

"Me too." Pyrrha added.

"A." Weiss said simply.

Jaune, Ruby, and Ren also said A leaving Yang and Nora as the only two holdouts.

"What? Those guys are fanatics for a fight I would love to fight them." Yang said.

"It would be awesome! They can't die so we can just keep fighting! It's like a never ending pancake." Nora said quickly changing the subject from fighting to food. Her mind wanders fast.

 **Caboose: "I have a plan Sargeant, but we will have to move quick. Listen:** _ **whisper whisper whisper**_ **Do you think that will work?"**

"Did I hear that right?" Jaune asked.

"I heard him, he said whisper whisper whisper." Blake said perking her ears up. She still had her bow off.

**Sarge: "That's your plan? All you said was "whisper whisper whisper."**

**Caboose: "I know. I just wanted to be the one with the plan for once."**

"All his plans have failed." Weiss commented.

"Have they?" Jaune asked trying to remember.

**Sarge: "Hgggh, come on. I have an idea."**

**Black screen: "meanwhile, somewhere else in the galaxy" Fades in to a hallway with a single light brown soldier.**

"Is that a new character?" Ruby asked.

"Yeah." Ren said suddenly very interested.

 **Phil: "This sucks man. I have to do everything around** _ **here**_ **. Go guard the wall, Phil. Go paint the jeep** _ **Phil**_ **. Go do** _ **everything**_ **Phil. This sucks."**

**While Phil was being a baby Wyoming popped his head up behind some stairs in the background.**

"Complain much." Yang joked.

"Wait did anyone else see that?" Blake asked.

"Yeah a white soldier." Pyrrha said.

**White soldier drops behind Phil, and he turns around**

"Two new characters." Yang commented.

"He's a ninja!" Nora yelled.

**Phil: "What was that? Nothin', just that stupid, sucky** _**wind** _ **. Breaking a twig, coming up behind me and... breathing, real heavy. (turns around) What the?"**

"Wow he's good." Ruby commented.

**Wyoming: "'ello, mate. (thick English accent)"**

"He talks weird." Nora commented.

"I know right." Ruby added.

"That sounds like one of Sun's annoying friends." Blake said.

"What? Is he another character with the voice of someone we know?" Ren asked.

"No." Blake said quickly. "It's the same accent but definitely not the same person."

Ren nodded.

**Wyoming punches Phil in the face, knocking him out. Fade in a random amount of time later, Phil on his knees at gunpoint**

**Phil: "Oh man what, this** _**sucks** _ **, what's going on?"**

**Wyoming: "Right, here's the way this works. I ask you a question, you tell me an answer. One question, one answer. I don't get the answer I like, we've got a problem. And if we've got a problem,** _ **you've**_ **got a problem. That clear?"**

"Ohhh new villain." Blake commented.

"He seems a lot more competent than O'Malley." Weiss said surprised.

"He sounds like Roman, not the accent but the way he talks and what he says." Ruby commented.

"He plays his character well." Blake said. "Roman has to keep up a reputation and that character he has when you're around him is part of it."

"Should just be honest about how bad you are." Ruby mumbled.

**Phil: "Okay, just don't hurt me! I'm a single parent."**

Ruby and Yang sympathized remembering how much trouble their dad had.

**Wyoming: "** _**Splendid** _ **, that's the attitude old chap. Now, first question. Where are you hiding the plans?"**

**Wyoming's cell phone starts ringing**

"And he is getting less competent by the minute." Weiss said. Yang and Blake laughed at her comment.

**Wyoming: "Mhm, ahem. Right. Where, are you hiding, th-... right. Need to get that, one second. (turns around and answers the phone) Hello? Yes, this is he speaking. ...Oh hello! Yes, right. Oh bugger. Spell that with a T or an F, do you? Thought you said something else. No, I'll get right on it."**

"T or and F?" Ren mumbled.

"Oh I get it." Yang said laughing. "He's talking about Tucker, Fucker or Tucker."

"Why would he be talking about Tucker?" Ruby asked.

"Sorry And what plans I'm confused." Pyrrha said.

"Nothing that has been mentioned before." Ren explained.

"Hmmmm" Blake hummed staring at the screen intently.

**Phil: "Getting bored..."**

**Wyoming: "Right. Usual fee... He won't be a problem. No, I'll nip that one for you straight away. Right. Say hello to mum for me. Cheerio. (turns back around to Phil) Now, where were we. Ah yes. Looks like it's your lucky day, mate."**

"He's being payed to do something." Blake commented.

"Like a freelancer." Jaune added.

"You're right!" Ruby gasped.

"Why would he get payed to do something to Tucker?" Pyrrha asked.

"He's evil!" Nora suggested.

"Probably because Tucker found out about the Command, He was probably talking to Vic." Ren explained.

"That makes sense." Blake agreed.

"I'm surprised at how interesting the show is getting." Weiss said lightening up.

**Phil: "Oh, thank God!"**

**Wyoming: "I Don't have time to torture you, so I'm just going to have to kill you."**

"Definitely sounds like Roman." Ruby said angrily.

Blake nodded.

**Phil: "what! oh man this sucks!"**

**Black screen, gunshot, fades back in to the Battle Creek reds in their base**

"Oh not these idiots again." Weiss groaned.

Nora and Yang smiled happily.

**A Red Soldier: "Yeah, I'm gonna kill everybody!"**

**Another Red Soldier: "Get the flag, get the flag, get the flag. Get the fucking flag!"**

**Some Other Red Soldier: "We must protect this house!"**

Yang, Ruby, Jaune, and Nora were dying laughing.

"They're so weird but so funny." Ruby commented.

**Many Red Soldiers: "We must protect this house!"**

**Yet Another Red Soldier: "We must protect this house! This is our house!"**

"Crazy Fanatics." Weiss muttered.

"Ugh is this how people view the White Fang now?" Blake mumbled to herself.

**A Poignant Red Soldier: "Um, guys, look, where's our flag?"**

**Some Red Soldier: "(sharp inhale)"**

**Another Red Soldier: "No."**

**Some Other Red Soldier: "The flag is gone?"**

**A Red Soldier: "What will we do?"**

"Get it back." Yang said.

**The Red Soldier Who Briefly Held The Blue Flag In Episode 39 (The Red Zealot): "If the flag is gone, who will lead us? Who will inspire us with their shiny pole? Who will flag directions to us in battle? We are lost, and the world as we knew it is gone forever from our eyes, only to live in our memories as the days of salad and glory! Truly these are the end of times! Repent! Repent!"**

"Wow..." Jaune commented.

"Is that the crazy red who got the flag last episode?" Blake asked.

"I think so, good eye." Ren complimented.

"Salad and glory?" Ruby asked.

"Salad is evil! It's so disgusting and...healthy!" Nora said disgusted.

Ren got offended. "Salad has many nutrients important for your body, it is a tasty and healthy blend of plants and-"

"Boooorrrrring!" Nora yelled in a sing song voice.

Ren sighed. "Salad might mean something else anyway in their culture or universe."

Weiss huffed but ignored it, she was alone in thinking the show wasn't from another universe.

**The Other Red Soldiers: "..."**

**A Red Soldier: "This sucks, I'm leaving."**

**Some Red Soldier: "Yeah..."**

"Looks like the others have some essence of sanity." Blake commented.

**The reds and blues run slowly from their bases, very uninspired**

**Some Blue Soldier: "Yay. Great."**

"They've lost all hope." Pyrrha commented.

**They meet in the middle, below Sarge and Caboose**

**Sarge: "(holding the blue flag) Oh** _ **blue**_ **team... Look what I have."**

"Oh I think I see what they're planning." Jaune said.

**Caboose: "(holding the red flag) Oh blue team... Look what, wait, I messed up my line. Let's start over."**

"Idiot." Weiss said.

"I have confidence Caboose can grow and become better." Pyrrha said optimistically.

**A Red Soldier: "They have our flag!"**

**A Blue Soldier: "No they don't, they have** _ **our**_ **flag!"**

**Sarge: "Listen you morons, you're gonna have to work for us now."**

**The Red Soldier: "What's in it for us?"**

**Sarge: "Help us get out of here, and we'll give you back your flags. Then you can go back to senselessly killing yourselves."**

**A Red Soldier: "Deal. Ha, sucker!"**

"Well that was easy." Yang said.

**A Blue Soldier: "Wait- why don't we just kill you guys and take the flags back?"**

"He has a point." Blake said.

**A Red Soldier: "Hmm. Yeah!"**

**Sarge shoots the blue soldier with a sniper rifle.**

**Some Red Soldier: "Oh, you got owned. I saw it, fucking owned!"**

**The Blue Soldiers: "Teams! Teams! Teams! Teams!"**

**Some Red Soldier: "Shut up! Teams are fine!"**

**The Red Soldiers: "Teams are fine! Teams are fine! Teams are fine! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!"**

"Its so accurate to a real multiplayer match." Jaune said laughing.

Yang nodded and laughed.

**Reds and blues start firing at each other ...again**

**All: "Agh! WAHOO! FIGHT FIGHT! YA! YAYAYAYA AYAY! woo!"**

**Sarge: "Caboose... I give up."**

**Caboose: "Wait. I can make them listen.** _**I can beat them** _ **."**

"See? I knew he could be better." Pyrrha said.

"Just wait a sec." Yang said.

"I believe in him too Pyrrha." Ruby said supporting her friend.

**Sarge: "Son, what are you talkin' about?"**

**Caboose: "O'Malley taught me how to be mean. (concentrating)** _**I, just, have, to, concentrate, on, bad, things. Like, milk** _ **. No wait, red,** _**Red, Bull."** _

"Red Bull must be a drink then." Ren commented.

**Sarge: "Son I think you've really lost it. O'Malley's not in your head any more, he infected the Doc!"**

**Caboose: "No, I can feel him. I just need to get angry, and say, mean, things! Like... uh...** _**Your brain is a mountain of hatred!"** _

"Hmm, O'Malley has really affected Caboose." Blake commented.

"So much so that even after he's gone he remembers." Pyrrha added.

**Sarge: "I never thought I'd reach the moment in my life when I actually missed Grif... but here it is."**

**Caboose: "** _**Now. I, am, thinking, about... kittens! Guh, kit-tens, covered, in, spikes. That makes, me, angry!"** _

"What?" Ruby asked.

Nora tightened her fist. "Kittens with spikes!? Then how would you pet them!"

"Nora's right! That would be terrible!" Ruby said.

**Caboose jumps down from the cliff in to the battle, doing a dramatic gutteral yell on the way down that sounds, ironically, like when you grunt in the bathroom**

**Caboose: "(in a voice remeniscent of O'Malley) My name, is** _ **Michael J. Caboose!**_ **And** _ **I, hate, babies."**_

"What's wrong with babies?" Nora asked.

"They're so cuuuute!" Ruby said.

"Babies are not fun." Jaune said. "Especially when your sisters don't help."

**The Red Zealot: "It's the beast! The anti-flag, come to live among us and rule us for seven years! The end is nigh!"**

"I'm so confused, do they have a religion over the flag?" Pyrrha asked.

"I think so." Ren said.

**Caboose punches him in the face, knocking him down**

**The Red Zealot: "Yeooigh!"**

**A Blue Soldier Caboose Punches And Knocks Down: "Yikes!"**

**A Red Soldier Caboose Punches And Knocks Down: "Yowsah!"**

**Caboose shoots down a red, then a blue, then a red**

**First Red Soldier: "OW!"**

**The Blue Soldier: "Wee!"**

**Second Red Soldier: "Wow!"**

"Wow Caboose is kicking ass." Yang commented.

"I knew it." Pyrrha said proudly.

**Sarge: "Great Gustavo, what's goin' on down there?"**

"Gustavo." Ren mumbled writing in his notes.

**Simmons fades in in apparition form behind him**

**Ghostly Simmons: "Sarge, Caboose can you hear me?"**

"Huh?" Ruby said confused.

**Sarge: "Simmons 2.0?"**

**Ghostly Simmons: "I reconfigured the teleporter, to allow me to communicate with you. I need to get you guys outta there."**

"Smart and resourceful." Weiss commented. "Simmons is becoming my favorite character."

"Mine's still Tex." Yang said.

"Sarge is mine!" Nora said.

"I like Church." Ruby said.

"Tex I guess." Blake said.

"I like Tucker." Jaune said.

"I feel bad for Caboose but I believe in him so...Caboose." Pyrrha said.

"Simmons." Ren said.

**Sarge: "Damn right we need to get outta here."**

**Ghostly Simmons: "Get to your teleporter, and I'll see what I can do from here."**

**Sarge: "Okay!"**

**Ghostly Simmons: "And, Sarge?"**

**Sarge: "Yeah?"**

**Ghostly Simmons: "It's really great to see you again."**

**Sarge: "Oh kiss my ass some other time."**

Yang laughed.

**Ghostly Simmons: "Whatever you say, Sir."**

**Sarge climbs down the ladder and runs for the base**

**Sarge: "Come on, Caboose, before they wake up again!"**

**Caboose: "I will eat your unhappiness."**

"He's going overboard." Jaune commented.

**Sarge: "(reaching the teleporter) Hurry up, Simmons."**

**Revelee starts playing in the background**

"There they go." Ruby said.

 **Simmons: "Just give me a** _ **few more seconds**_ **over here, Sarge."**

 **Sarge: "We don't** _ **have**_ **a few more seconds!"**

**Simmons: "Stop pressuring me! I rely on you for love and support!"**

"Sarge seems like a father figure to Simmons." Yang said.

"Yeah I noticed that too." Blake said.

 **Caboose: "Your toast has been burned, and** _ **no**_ **amount of scraping will remove the black parts."**

"Ugh I hate that!" Nora said.

"Yeah! It's nasty." Ruby agreed.

"Me and You also need to hangout more." Nora said to Ruby.

"Awe it's a date then!" Yang said.

"Hey you got your super fun trip with Nora and now I get mine!" Ruby yelled.

"Not super fun." Nora groaned.

"Hey!" Yang said offended.

**Sarge: "Oh shut up, Caboose."**

**Simmons: "Okay there, come through now!"**

**Sarge: "Come on, Caboose!"**

**They run through the teleporter, and the camera conveniently follows**

**Simmons: "Whoo. That was pretty close, huh?"**

**Sarge: "Simmons, you get an F in efficiency. But I have to give you an A+ in dramatic timing."**

"F in efficiency? He communicated through a teleporter after somehow finding his location." Jaune said.

**Simmons: "Thank you Sir. I've always felt that presentation is what matters most."**

**Caboose: "What happened? The** _ **last**_ **thing I remember was a very mean kitten. And then we were in this janitor's closet. And my throat hurts, a lot."**

"Hmm." Pyrrha mumbled thinking.

**Simmons: "What was that weird place, Sarge?"**

**Sarge: "Simmons, I have absolutely no idea."**

"Same here." Weiss said.

**Cut back to Battle Creek**

**The Red Zealot: "Well I guess it's back to basics, now! Get ready for destruction, blues! We're gonna kick your ass! We have become** _ **death! Destroyer of wor-**_ **oh wait, hold on. I gotta take out the trash I'll be right back."**

**Screen cut to black.**

"That explains it, it's a multiplayer match." Jaune said.

"That was awesome!" Ruby yelled.

"Another!" Nora said excitedly.

**—-Criminal's SS—- Not Canon**

"I am beginning to think this was downloaded onto my scroll by accident." Cinder said.

"Does that mean we get to stop watching!" Emerald said hopefully.

"No, there is still the chance the show could be useful, it downloaded onto my scroll after hacking into the CCT so anything's possible." Cinder said.

Mercury smiled, he was happy to watch the show.

"That being said, Emerald you need to stop getting distracted, I hate the show too but you need to look for anything important. And Mercury." Cinder said dangerously.

"Hmm?" Mercury said dropping some popcorn.

Cinder sighed. "You need to remember to look for details and not laugh at jokes."

"Can do Ma'am." Mercury said tossing the dropped kernels into the trash.

Cinder and Emerald groaned but hit play.

* * *

**My pm's are open to**

**-Suggestions for this FanFiction**

**-Requests for any new FanFictions**

**-Advice on writing**

**-Reviews**

**-Pointing out any and all mistakes**

**-Thanks!**


	41. S3E41 Let's Get Together

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 41- Let's Get Together**

" **Let's Get Together" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

The usual four hummed the theme with Pyrrha joining in towards the end.

"That intro is getting stuck in my head." Weiss huffed.

"It's catchy." Yang hummed.

**Fades in to O'Malley and Lopez standing on a base in a cold desolate-looking place**

"Is that Sidewinder?" Ruby asked.

"Probably." Jaune answered.

**O'Malley: "(evil laughter) Well, my metallic friend, your modifications are complete. And my plan is coming to frution. Frusi- Fru- Frutition. Fr-"**

"He's got a stutter!" Nora shouted.

"I used to have one too." Jaune sighed, "only when I was nervous."

Pyrrha put a hand on his shoulder.

"Modifications..." Ren mumbled in thought.

**Lopez: "Fruition."**

**Caption: Fruition.**

"Lopez speaks English now?" Blake asked.

**O'Malley: "Oh shut up."**

**Lopez: "Sí Maestro. Su plané es muy excelente."**

**Caption: Yes Master. Your plan is foolproof.**

"Huh, he has found a new leader." Yang commented.

"That's probably what O'Malley meant by modifications." Ren said.

**O'Malley: "Now to bring together my enemies."**

**Cut to Vic's control panel, with the words 'OUT OF AREA' flashing in red**

**Vic: "Oh dude, come on, you gotta be kidding me."**

**Vic hits his VoiceMail button.**

"Mean." Ruby commented.

"I don't answer for random numbers." Yang said.

"Me neither." Pyrrha said. "Once in a while my number gets leaked and my fans call me, I wish I could tell all of them thank you but I don't have the time."

"You're way too nice about it, once my number got leaked I made sure everyone knew they were not to call me if they ever found my number again." Weiss said.

"Famous people problems." Yang quipped.

**Vic's answering machine: "Hey dude, it's Vic. No solo mio, not in the casa right now, so leave a message and I'll call you back. Just leave your what's up at the yo. ... ...** _**yo** _ **."**

**O'Malley: "Vic, pick up, it's me, (evil laughter)."**

**Vic: "Oh hey, Docter Baron von Evil Satan, what's up dude?"**

Yang laughed.

"Satan?" Pyrrha said confused.

"Something bad." Ren answered. "From the context."

**O'Malley: "Don't screen my calls, Vic."**

**Vic: "Dude, you don't come up on Caller ID I'm not just gonna answer anything-"**

**O'Malley: "Caller ID? I'm in** _ **hiding**_ **you buffoon! I'm trying to take over the** _ **Universe**_ **(evil laughter)!"**

**Doc: "We're also on the Do Not Call List."**

**O'Malley: "Oh shut up."**

**Vic: "So how's that plot going dude."**

**O'Malley: "Mag** _ **nificent**_ **(evil laughter)! I've called my bounty hunter in. He'll take care of your little 'red and blue' problem post-haste (evil ...you get the idea)."**

"Oh so It wasn't Vic calling that guy, it was O'Malley." Jaune said.

"But the reason is still the same." Blake added.

**Vic: "Oh cool! Thanks for turning that around so quick, dude."**

**O'Malley: "(laugh continues) Ha."**

**Vic: "I know you're swamped."**

**O'Malley: "Then the Universe will be** _ **mine**_ **and I'll crush every living soul in to dust,** _ **haha!**_ **Except for you of course Vic. I'll make you Assistant Crusher."**

**Vic: "Okay dude. Looking forward to that."**

"Vic doesn't seem to like O'Malley." Pyrrha commented.

"He's weird." Ruby said.

"Yeah, overly evil and just...I don't know creepy?" Yang said.

"Maybe that's why." Blake said.

**Cut to Sarge, Simmons and Caboose in their janitor closet.**

**Simmons: "And that brought you back here. So,** _ **theoretically**_ **one of these teleporters should transport us back to Blood Gulch, or anywhere else that we want to go. Do you understand?"**

**Caboose: "Yes. No. What does thermoretically mean?"**

"Thermoretically?" Ruby said confused.

**Simmons: "I probably could have saved a lot of time by telling you these things worked by magic."**

Ruby and Yang laughed.

"That made me think of something." Jaune said. "Do any of you understand how your scroll works, at all?"

Blank stares met him.

"Magic?" Nora suggested.

Yang laughed at her joke.

**Caboose: "I thought you told the story well. I liked all the parts with me in them."**

**Sarge: "Any idea which ones go where?"**

**Simmons: "Man um... not really. I found you two guys by accident. And I don't want to start using teleporters at random."**

**Caboose: "We should definitely take the green one."**

"They're all green." Weiss said.

**Simmons: "Okay, be quiet now."**

**Sarge: "We've gotta find a way to contact them."**

**Vic: "(over the radio) Come in Sargeant Dude. Hello Sargeant Dude, are you there."**

"What does he want!?" Nora said angrily.

"I'm wondering the same thing." Blake said.

"Maybe he wants to trick them?" Pyrrha suggested.

**Sarge: "Vic?"**

**Vic: "Got some big news for you dude."**

"Sarge is easy to manipulate, you may be right Pyrrha." Ren said.

**Cut to Tex in Blood Gulch, talking with Tucker who is miraculously standing upright again. We'll tell Caboose it was magic**

**Tex: "Bad news Tucker. I just picked up a feed. You've been tagged."**

"By the bounty hunter." Blake mumbled.

 **Tucker: "** _ **Tagged?**_ **That sounds bad. Unless it means something sexual, does it mean something sexual?"**

Weiss and Blake groaned.

"I guess it can mean something sexual." Yang said. "Maybe Tagged is their version of-"

"Don't want to know!" Ruby yelled holding her hands up.

 **Tex: "It** _ **means**_ **something bad."**

**Tucker: "Oh yeah like that's a surprise."**

**Tex: "Someone's hired a freelancer to take you out. Do you have any idea why?"**

**Tucker: "I can't say."**

**Tex: "Keeping secrets? I find that attractive."**

"What?!" Yang yelled. "She hates Tucker?"

"Yeah I'm surprised too." Blake said.

**Tucker: "You do!?"**

**Tex: "In attractive people, yeah."**

"Wow, mean." Jaune commented.

Yang nodded agreeing. "People take looks wayyyy too seriously, I mean they do matter like yellow teeth or greasy hair but that's hygiene."

Weiss and Pyrrha nodded.

"Why do people care so much about looks?" Ruby asked rhetorically with a groan.

"Because people are selfish and judgmental." Blake answered equally annoyed.

"I think you all look great!" Nora yelled.

"Aweee, thank you!" Yang said hugging Nora.

"Thank you." Pyrrha said.

"Thanks." Blake said smiling.

**Donut: "Do you know who's after him?"**

**Tex: "This guy I know from training. Name's Wyoming."**

"Wyoming." Ren said aloud as he wrote it in his notes.

**Tucker: "(laughs) Finally a name dumber than Donut!"**

**Donut: "Hey! ...Yeah, okay."**

Yang and Jaune laughed, "he admits it!" Yang commented.

**Tex: "Everybody in the division was paired with an A.I., and codenamed for a State."**

"State?" Jaune said confused.

"Like a place?" Weiss asked.

**Donut: "What was your codename, Tex?"**

**Tex: "Nevada."**

"Was that sarcastic?" Ruby asked.

"I can't tell." Yang said surprised.

**Tucker: "One for each State? So there's fifty of you."**

"Fifty states." Ren mumbled. "Nevada, and Wyoming."

"What about Texas?" Jaune asked. "Isn't that where Church said she's from. That's why she's named Tex."

"Maybe, but I don't know if that's a state or not." Ren said writing it down.

**Tex: "Forty-nine, remember?"**

**Tucker: "Oh, yeah, that's right. Man. Poor Florida."**

"Hmm, Forty nine, Florida." Ren said crossing out fifty.

**They bow their heads in remembrance of Florida**

"I wonder what happened to Florida." Weiss said.

"Maybe it's like Mountain Glenn." Blake said.

Ruby sighed, "I hope not, for their sake."

**Tucker: "Okay, anyway."**

**Tex: "Well I'll make you a deal. I still owe you one. So if I take care of Wyoming, we're square. Deal?"**

"Tex seems like a fair person, like a kind of you scratch my back I scratch yours kinda person." Yang said.

"You're kind of like that yourself." Weiss said gesturing to Yang.

"It's only fair." Yang shrugged.

**Tucker: "You realize that you wanna protect me from a guy who's trying to kill me. What'm I gonna say, no?"**

**Tex: "I'll take that as a yes."**

**Cut back to the janitor closet**

**Sarge: "Eureka's hammer, I've got it! I put a listening device in one of the suits of armor I built. We can use that to find out where they are."**

"Eureka's Hammer." Ren mumbled writing in his notes.

"It was a listening device and a 10 megaton bomb right?" Jaune asked.

"Yep." Nora answered.

"How did you know what a ten megaton bomb is? I've never heard of those." Ruby asked.

"Dust bombs, Megaton sounds like a lot and Ton is weight so I guessed, I like explosives, they go boom and its awesome! All Grimm gone flying!" Nora said excitedly.

**Simmons: "But which one, Sarge? Isn't one a huge bomb?"**

**Sarge: "Heheheh. Yeah, I wouldn't turn that on. Or** _ **maybe I should**_ **. That we we could follow the enormous explosion and** _ **huge**_ **plumes of smoke, directly to them. It'd be just like a homing device. But Indian style."**

"Indian." Ren mumbled.

"More stuff we don't understand." Yang complained.

**Simmons: "I assume what you mean sir, is directly to the crater that they left."**

**Sarge: "Though crudely delivered I see your point. Let's go with the listening device."**

**Simmons: "Great idea Sir."**

**Sarge: "Yes it was."**

**Caboose: "Can I push the button to make it go? Please?"**

**Sarge: "(holding up the button) Okay Caboose, but just this once."**

"Caboose is like a child sometimes." Weiss commented.

"I like Caboose." Pyrrha said. "He's sweet."

**Caboose: "Yay! Thanks."**

**Caboose hits the button**

**Sarge: "(laughs) What a little rascal."**

"And Sarge looked caring." Pyrrha added.

**Caboose: "(returning to Simmons' side) I pushed the button."**

**Simmons: "Stay away from him, he's mine."**

Yang laughed.

"Simmons is jealous that his father figure is paying attention to someone else." Blake pointed out.

**Donut: "Man, I hate this. This sucks."**

"That sounds like Donut." Ruby commented.

**Caboose: "It's Church!"**

"Doesn't sound like him though?" Yang said confused.

**Donut: "I just wanna lay around and do nothing."**

**Sarge: "I think it's Grif!"**

"Oh I see what they're doing." Jaune said.

**Donut: "Right after I take this nice, warm, bubble-bath."**

**Simmons and Sarge: "Donut."**

**Simmons: "(making for a teleporter) Let me see if I can lock on to that signal, Sarge. Okay got it, go ahead."**

**Sarge: "Come in, Donut, come in. Donut, do you read me? Come in."**

**Donut: "Sarge, you gotta help me! You left me with one blue, but now there are three!"**

"And they aren't attacking and don't have any plans to." Weiss said sighing.

**Sarge: "Vic was right, it was a trap all along! Listen, Donut. Vic told me all about the blue plot. That fella Tucker is gonna make up things, craaazy things about Red and Blue. You can't listen to him, you just can't!"**

"I knew he would trick Sarge." Pyrrha said.

**Donut: "Sarge, what should I do?"**

**Sarge: "Don't let him catch on that you know. Just act like you normally do- wait, not like you, act like someone more brave. 'N' smarter. 'N' more masculine, for God's sake."**

Yang and Jaune laughed.

**Donut: "Okey-dokey Sarge."**

**Sarge: "He's a dead man, Simmons."**

"He clearly has great confidence in his men." Blake said sarcastically.

**Simmons: "It's okay Sir, I thought that you two were getting too close anyway, and that's not good for the chain of command."**

**Sarge: "Try to open a teleporter to them. I'll see if I can locate the other armor."**

**Caboose raises up the button for Church's armor**

**Caboose: "Yeah! More button pushing!"**

"Ohhhh no." Ruby said.

**Simmons: "Caboose** _**don't touch that!"** _

**Caboose: "This is the button to find Church! (presses the button)"**

**Sarge: "Uh oh. That's not gonna be good."**

**Simmons: "Did he just do what I think he did?**

**Caboose: "Church is going to be so happy with me!"**

"That's the third time he's killed Church." Jaune pointed out.

Yang laughed.

**Cut to Church and Grif in jail**

**Church: "(impressive belch)"**

"He's a ghost how does he burp?" Nora asked.

"I don't know Nora." Ren answered.

 **Grif: "** _ **Nice.**_ **I bet I can beat it."**

**Church's stomach starts ticking metallically**

**Church: "Uhgow, I wonder what caused** _**that** _ **."**

**Grif: "Hey Church, do you know your stomach is ticking"**

**The scene faded to black.**

"Next one lets go!" Yang said quickly.

**\--Professor's SS- Not Canon**

"Please sir, I can be doing much more important things with my time." Glynda begged.

"Glynda, you have been working yourself to death over the tournament and need to relax." Ozpin answered simply.

"Ozpin is right Glynda! You do so much and never break, I admire that but we all need rest sometimes, even grand adventurers like myself!" Peter boasted.

Glynda groaned, "fine, but please let me make my tea before the next episode."

"That infernal combination of leaves and spices is not tea." Oobleck said disgusted.

"And your pounds of caffeine mixed with hot water is not coffee." Glynda shot back.

Ozpin and peter just chuckled at the two arguing, they could tell Glynda finally let her guard down and relaxed.

"This is going to be capital!" Peter whispered to Ozpin who nodded.


	42. S3E42 You're the Bomb, Yo

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 42- You're the Bomb, Yo**

" **You're the Bomb, Yo" appeared on the screen with the usual theme music.**

The normal four and now Pyrrha hummed the theme.

**Ticking in the background as it fades in on Grif and Church**

**Grif: "Guys I'm a red too, I'm a red! I don't even know this guy! Come on, let me out."**

"Traitor" Nora huffed.

**Church: "Thanks for the support, Grif. Way to be a team player."**

**Grif: "Hey, I gotta think about myself here."**

**Church: "There's no "I" in team, Grif."**

"He has a great point." Pyrrha said.

**Grif: "Yeah, there's no "U" either. So I guess if I'm not on the team, and you're not on the team,** _**nobody's on the God damn team. The team sucks!"** _

Yang laughed. "He also has a point."

**Church: "What I can't figure out is why the reds are still here. Tex already wiped out all the blues. Why wouldn't they just pull out?"**

"That's a good question." Blake commented.

**Grif: "As someone who's taken orders from Red Command for the last three years,** _**trust me** _ **, it's not that surprising."**

"Now knowing that Vic is controlling them all for some reason it's likely an experiment." Ren said.

"Yeah, maybe it's to test new military equipment like the teleporter or see what happens to troops under different situations." Blake suggested.

"Then what about the Freelancers?" Pyrrha asked.

"Maybe they're variables?" Weiss suggested.

"I'm still surprised you three are actually interested." Yang commented.

"Well, it's not what I expected." Weiss said.

"Can we keep watching?" Blake asked.

Jaune nodded and hit play.

**Cut to Sarge, Caboose and Simmons in the janitor closet**

**Simmons: "Okay, we traced the bomb activation signal to Sidewinder. How much time do we have left Sarge?"**

**Donut: "(through staticky radio) Everyone here is set to transport."**

**Tucker: "(through staticky radio) I'm not going through that thing. I'm serious."**

"You're probably right about testing new military equipment Blake. It's probably in early development and that's why it turns everyone's armor black." Jaune said.

"Good point." Blake said back smiling.

**Sarge: "We need to get there as soon as possible. Did you set their teleporter to take them straight to Sidewinder?"**

"Wait but Doc's armor didn't turn black. And no one else's did either." Yang pointed out.

"Hmm." Ren hummed nodding.

 **Simmons: "I walked Donut through it. He** _ **says**_ **he did everything right, but I figure they have a fifty/fifty chance of ending up in Sidewinder, or in the middle of deep space."**

"That's a little scary." Ruby said thinking about it.

"Maybe their armor protects them." Yang suggested to calm Ruby.

**Sarge: "What about us?"**

**Simmons: "I programmed ours myself. We're fine."**

**Sarge: "I find the risks acceptable."**

"What a terrible leader." Weiss commented.

**Donut: "I never knew a Phillips screwdriver was the X one. Do you think it's named after a guy named Phillip? That guy Phillip must have a fucked-up-shaped head!"**

Yang sighed, "more stuff we don't understand."

"Maybe its a type of screwdriver." Ruby suggested. "We have the X screwdriver too but that's it, it's not named anything special."

**Tucker: "Yeah. Screw this, I'm walking."**

**Sarge: "Alright, then saddle up! Don't worry Grif and Church,** _ **here comes the cavalry!**_ **Hyaaaaa!"**

**Sarge runs through a teleporter, and emerges from another behind Caboose**

**Sarge: "Hyaaaaa- oh!"**

Yang and Nora laughed.

**Simmons: "Uh sir? The teleporter I reprogrammed is over there."**

**Sarge: "Oh well, heads up evil-doers; here we come to save the diya-ah forget it, let's just go."**

"That could have been very bad if the teleporter was set to somewhere else." Pyrrha said.

**Cut to Grif, singing poorly and totally out of tune**

**Grif: "Nobody knows, the trouble I've seen. Nobody knows but Jesus."**

"He's a terrible singer, he has no rhythm or tune." Weiss commented.

"Wait he said Jesus the curse word?" Yang pointed out.

"Hmm I guess that proves the theory that Jesus is some famous or powerful figure that is also used as a sort of curse word." Ren explained.

"It's still just a joke or something." Weiss said. "The show is not from another universe."

**Church: "Will you shut up?"**

**Grif: "You just can't face the fact that I've adjusted to life on the inside! I'm** _ **hard**_ **now!"**

"Ugh, he sounds like every one of Junior's men." Yang said.

**Church: "Please, give me a break."**

**Grif: "As the prison bitch, I would** _ **not**_ **expect you to understand."**

**Cut to a firefight down a hall somewhere**

"Maybe all the blues aren't gone." Blake said.

"Good, go blue team!" Ruby yelled.

"Yeah!" Nora yelled.

**Church: "What's going on out there?"**

**Grif: "Oh man, maybe our crew's come to bust us out of the joint. I don't know if I can live on the outside though any more Church. I'm all insti** _**tu** _ **tionalized and shit."**

"First off, he's not institutionalized, that takes a very long time. And secondly, if it was their guys they would be losing." Blake pointed out.

"Maybe you're right and it is the blues from sidewinder." Ren said.

**Church: "I don't know. Sounds like whoever's fighting them is winning. That can't possibly be our guys."**

Yang, Blake, and Nora laughed.

**Grif: "(to a salmon-colored guard) Hey screw, aren't you gonna go help your buddies? Oink oink?"**

**Screw runs around a corner and gets punched out. Church and Grif listen to the sound of invisible approaching footsteps**

"Oh it's Tex! Look she's invisible!" Ruby pointed out.

**Wyoming: "(decloaking outside the bars of the cell) Hello Church."**

"What is he doing their!?" Ruby yelled.

**Church: "Wyoming? What're you doing here?"**

"How does he know Wyoming?" Ruby asked.

"Probably from Tex."

**Wyoming: "Been hired to do a job with your little friend Tucker. Seems he's discovered some information that someone else isn't happy about."**

"Vic". Blake said.

**Grif: "Who's this kracker?"**

**Church: "Naw, he's just some scumbag** _ **bounty**_ **hunter that was in the same division as Tex."**

"That makes sense, maybe all freelancers have that cloaking tech." Yang suggested.

"More military experiments." Jaune said.

 **Wyoming: "Ah yes, dear Tex. After I take care of your little friend Tucker, I'll be taking care of** _ **her**_ **as well."**

**Church: "When I get out of here, -"**

**Wyoming: "But you won't. Everyone here is dead now. Noone even knows where you are. So I suppose now you'll just have to starve to death. Hu-huh. Cheerio."**

"That's just cruel." Pyrrha commented.

"Yeah, and Church can't eat can he?" Ruby asked.

"Yeah, so he'll be stuck there unless he decides to leave his body." Yang said.

**Wyoming goes invisible and runs off**

**Church: "We gotta find a way to escape, Grif."**

**Grif: "If only we had bed sheets."**

"Why?" Ruby asked.

**Church: "There's no window. What good is tying together bed sheets gonna do us?"**

**Grif: "Who said anything about tying them together? I wanna take a nap. If I have to die of hunger, I wanna do it in my sleep."**

"That makes sense." Yang said.

**Cut to Donut, Tucker and Tex on the red base, and Sheila below, looking up at them**

**Sheila: "Good luck everyone, take care. I packed you all lunches for the trip."**

"How did she do that? She has no arms." Blake asked.

"Maybe she used her canon!" Nora suggested.

"That would be amazing! A tank that shoots cookies." Ruby said.

**Tucker: "Thanks Sheila, that was really nice of you."**

**Donut: "Not really. All** _ **my**_ **bag had was an air filter and a thermos full of brake fluid."**

**Sheila: "Make sure to wash your exhaust pipes every day."**

"Likely Her version of telling people to brush their teeth." Ren said.

"Ugh, I remember when Ruby never wanted to brush her teeth." Yang said making a disgusted face.

"And I remember when you never ever wanted to wash your hair!" Ruby shot back.

**Tex runs through the teleporter, then Donut**

**Tucker: "Bye Sheila, we'll come back for you soon."**

**Sheila: "I'll be waiting."**

**Cut to Sarge, Simmons and Caboose standing around a teleporter receptacle**

**Simmons: "Okay, here they come."**

**Tex emerges and runs off, then Donut emerges**

**Donut: "Yeahah, I knew I could fix a teleporter. I guess these hands aren't just for manicuring after all. Yeahuh."**

**Tucker emerges, covered in black stuff**

"Proves the teleporters aren't perfect." Weiss said.

**Tucker: "** _**OW, crap!"** _

**Simmons: "What's all that black stuff on your armor?"**

**Tucker: "Just me? What the fuck?"**

"It might just be a joke." Jaune suggested.

**Caboose: "Tucker, I am so glad to see you. Here. Let me help you clean your armor off, by rubbing you all over."**

**Tucker and Caboose run off**

**Donut: "Ooh ooh, let me help!"**

"Tucker won't like Donut helping." Yang said laughing.

"Why not?" Pyrrha asked.

"I'm pretty sure Tucker's straight." Yang said.

**Caboose: "Absolutely, Admiral Buttercrust."**

**Cut to Wyoming looking at those three through a sniper rifle**

**Wyoming: "Hmm, I don't see him. Perhaps they've disguised him somehow. Well played."**

"Luck." Blake commented.

**Cut to Tex looking at him**

**Tex: "Gotcha."**

**Cut to Simmons and Sarge**

**Simmons: "So what's the plan, Sarge?"**

**Sarge: "First, we need to locate Church and get that bomb defused. Then we can find Lopez, download our plans, and get back to fighting the blues."**

"I don't understand why they need plans from Lopez." Weiss said.

"If they wanted to they could win against the blues at anytime." Blake shook her head.

"The blues would win." Ruby said.

"Yeah!" Yang and Nora yelled.

**Simmons: "And find Grif."**

**Sarge: "What?"**

**Simmons: "And we also need to find Grif. Right sir?"**

**Sarge: "Well, not every plan is perfect, so I suppose we could accidentally find Grif along the way."**

"Still don't understand why he hates Grif so much." Ruby said.

**Cut to Grif and the still-ticking Church in their cell**

**Church: "Okay Grif, I've been putting something off that I can do to help us escape, but, I gotta warn you, it might scare you a little bit."**

"Oh yeah, I forgot that the reds don't know about that." Yang said.

"It will sure be a surprise when they find out." Pyrrha said.

**Grif: "You want scary, you should try showering in cell block C. Those guys are animals."**

**Church: "Alright."**

**The bars start rising**

"What?" Yang's mouth hung open slightly.

"How is he doing that?" Ruby raised an eyebrow.

"He isn't." Blake hummed.

**Church: "Here goes."**

**Grif: "You opened the doors? That wasn't scary at all."**

**Church: "What? I didn't do that. Somebody on the outside must have done it. Alright, let's go."**

"It must have been Tex." Jaune said.

**They run off**

**Grif: "Freedom, it smells so sweet! Let's go rob a liquor store on the way home."**

**Cut to Caboose, the clean Tucker and Donut**

**Caboose: "There, you are all clean."**

"Now Wyoming will know who Tucker is." Blake pointed out.

**Tucker: "Thanks, but you didn't need to spend so much time on the codpiece, Donut."**

"See what I meant?" Yang asked.

**Donut: "A three-coat waxing is just my way of saying I care."**

**Cut to Wyoming looking through his sniper rifle at the newly cleaned Tucker**

**Wyoming: "Well, there we are, mate."**

**Tex: "(aiming at Wyoming from close range) Hello Wyoming. Why don't you stop pointing that gun at my friend."**

"Friend?" Yang asked.

"I thought she hated them all." Ruby said.

"People can change." Pyrrha said.

**Wyoming: "Allison, good to see you. How's our good friend Omega?"**

"Allison?" Ren said confused.

"Omega?" Weiss said.

"Middle name?" Yang suggested.

"Maybe her codename is Texas." Pyrrha suggested. "I'm pretty sure she was being sarcastic about Nevada."

"Maybe." Ren said.

"Wait but who's omega?" Blake asked.

"O'Malley?" Ruby suggested.

**Tex: "You tell me. He hired you, didn't he?"**

**Wyoming: "Now how did you know that."**

**Tex: "When someone lives in your head for a few years, you get to know him. Where is he."**

"Yep Ruby's right it's O'Malley." Yang said.

**Wyoming: "Oh, he'll be along shortly."**

**O'Malley cocks a shotgun behind Tex**

**Wyoming: "Very shortly."**

Jaune sighed.

**Tex: "Oh crap."**

**O'Malley: "(evil laughter) Only now do you realize the folly of your idle chit-chat! Evil wins! Hahaha! Good sucks an egg."**

Yang laughed.

**Doc: "I'm really sorry about this sir- I mean ma'am- I mean miss!"**

**O'Malley: "Oh shut up"**

**The scene faded to black**

"Start the next one." Yang ordered.


	43. S3E43 Make Your Time

**Author's Note:**

**I wanted to thank you, the PEOPLE for all the support. If you have listened to any IB podcast you get the reference.**

**Also before writing this chapter I watched the supercut of Blake and Yang v Adam and I got so pissed at how shitty it was. The fight scene was amazing but the story was god awful. Such a bullshit abusive ex storyline that should have been done way better. Blake's reaction after killing him is the worst too. No "oh my god I just killed my former mentor/love interest/friend/Former White Fang brother/fellow Faunus" no her reaction is to cry and say "I'm not going to break my promise I swear" to YANG! it was fucking awful, goddamn they would not have done it worse. If only as soon as the fight ended Yang and Blake fucked on the spot over Adams blood because Fuck character development lets fan service a ship!**

**Edit: Woah rereading my angry rants in past authors notes is fun**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 43- Make Your Time**

" **Make Your Time" appeared on the screen with the theme music.**

The now usual five hummed the theme as Weiss and Ren looked over his notes.

"Ren?" Weiss said. "Why is Grif's named spelled with two F's? And also why is he labelled as Yellow in your notes?"

"Oh I forgot to fix that." Ren said snatching the notepad away to fix his mistake.

"I thought he was yellow." Ruby said confused.

"No he's orange." Yang said. "Awwe my sister's colorblind."

"No I'm not! Come on someone else has to think he's yellow?" Ruby said looking around.

"I see the yellow." Jaune said raising a hand.

"Me too." Pyrrha said.

"It's so obviously orange I'm surprised you all see yellow." Blake said.

"We should Trust Blake's eyes." Yang said. "Faunus see better than us right?"

"Technically yeah." Blake said with a slight blush. She didn't like that little fact, and the other things that made Faunus technically better than humans in some ways. It was a dangerous line of thinking that some Faunus believed, especially in the White Fang. Luckily their leaders, Adam and Sienna fought for equality, even though the way they fought wasn't best for everyone. Equality by fear was not true equality.

**Fade in on Doc (O'Malley) standing on an icy precipice**

**O'Malley: "Hahahahahahahahaha. You fools have fallen** _ **right**_ **in to my hands. Only now, do you realize the** _ **folly**_ **of your follies, hahaha. Prepare for an oblivion,** _ **for which there is no preparation!**_ **(evil laugh)"**

"Mistakes of your mistakes and prepare for destruction but you can't?" Weiss said confused.

"Well, can you really prepare for oblivion?" Ren asked philosophically.

"Ren I'm sorry but I'm not in the mood for one of our philosophical talks." Jaune said.

"Philosophical talks?" Pyrrha asked.

"While Nora loves to talk she is not very philosophical." Ren answered.

"Yes I am! You just don't listen! What if the world is really in the eye of a giant! And that is why the sky is blue!" Nora said.

"That's not philosophy." Ren said calmly.

"I'm surprised Jaune is philosophical at all." Yang said.

"I was too." Ren said with a grin.

"I'm glad my friends have such a high opinion of me." Jaune said sarcastically but with a smile.

"Sounds super boring." Nora shook her head.

**Simmons: "O'Malley! The Reds and Blues are working together now! You can't hope to beat us."**

"Yeah, they can't even beat each other." Ruby said.

Yang laughed and grinned at her sisters joke.

**O'Malley: "You fool! My metallic friend is the only ally I need. Lopez, activate weather control routines."**

**Lopez: "Okay."**

**Lightning shoots out of Lopez, and he becomes surrounded in what look like spinning mystic runes**

"That looks like a semblance!" Ruby said surprised.

"It's not though is it?" Yang said confused. "Sorry I wasn't paying attention."

"It seems to be the modifications O'Malley spoke of." Ren said.

**Simmons: "Are those runic symbols a sign of some ancient technology?"**

**Doc: "No, I used to draw them on my binder during study hall. I** _ **always**_ **wanted to use them for something. Aren't they cool?"**

"Ohhh! I know what he means! I really want to use my drawings from Port's class for something." Ruby exclaimed.

"Your drawings?" Weiss said making air quotes confused. "You would be the first person given detention by professor Port."

"Why!?" Ruby asked offended.

"Ruby...every single one of your drawings are of Professor Port as a Fat stinking man labelled Professor Poop." Weiss said.

"Hey I stopped doing that!" Ruby yelled blushing.

"You just changed the Label from Professor Poop to Big McLarge Huge." Weiss said as Nora stared snickering.

"Nora likes my art." Ruby huffed.

"Ugh, anything can be considered art now." Blake complained.

"While I do believe people should always express themselves however they want, I do feel some art is just ridiculous." Pyrrha said.

"If I wanted to I could make some Lien by putting a flower in a toilet and taking a picture in a black and White filter and label it something like _life"_ Jaune said explaining his master plan to become rich.

Yang and Blake laughed. "Jaune please do that and tell me how much Lien you get." Yang said laughing.

"All proceeds will go to a fun shopping trip in Vale." Jaune said proudly.

"Yes! Lets do it!" Nora said happily.

**O'Malley: "Shut up!"**

**Sarge: "Oh, Sampson's back hair. They found our secret weapon. I developed a weather control device, but I was missing one** _ **critical**_ **piece of technology to make it work."**

Yang groaned at the reference she didn't get.

 **O'Malley: "Hahaha yes. And now that I've located those 'D' batteries,** _ **the Universe will be mine!**_ **Hahahahaha!"**

"The way he said D batteries makes me think D batteries are easy to find." Weiss said.

**Tucker: "Are you serious? You couldn't find D batteries."**

**Sarge: "Only at gas stations, and they're just so darn expensive there."**

"Gas stations?" Ruby said confused.

"Maybe their equivalent of dust stations? For cars." Jaune suggested.

"I think this proves my theory of this universe not having Dust." Ren said.

Weiss groaned and Blake sighed lightly, While Weiss could be considered an Atheist about the 'other universe, Blake was more of an Agnostic.

**Church runs up to everyone, still ticking**

**Church: "What's going on?"**

**Sarge: "You want the long version or the short? Basically you've got a fifty megaton bomb in your gut-"**

"Fifty!?" Nora said surprised.

**Simmons: "Ten sir."**

"Oh." Nora said.

"How do we know a ten megaton bomb is the same as a huge dust bomb?" Yang asked.

"I trust Nora is good enough with her explosives to know." Pyrrha commented.

"Awee thanks Pyrrha!" Nora said. "And I just guessed that a ten megaton bomb would be the biggest bomb they have. And the biggest bomb Atlas has made can only destroy like a fifth of Vale." Nora explained.

"That's still a lot". Ruby said thinking of how terrible it would be.

**Sarge: "And Lopez is about to kill us all."**

**Grif is running up behind Church**

**Church: "That didn't make any sense, what's the long version?"**

**Tucker: "That** _ **was**_ **the long version. The short version is "** _ **we're boned**_ **.""**

"Boned?" Weiss said surprised. "I'm surprised the show isn't as Vulgar as it could be."

"Me too." Pyrrha said.

**Simmons: "Hey Grif, are you okay?"**

"Awe, they're such good friends!" Nora said.

**Grif: "I've done hard time, Simmons. I'm not the man you used to know."**

"Hard times? They weren't in prison for very long." Weiss said.

**Simmons: "Hard time? We were only separated for five hours."**

"That's shorter than I thought." Weiss added.

 **Grif: "Time moves slower on the inside, Simmons. It seemed like seven or** _ **eight**_ **hours to me."**

"Staying in one room for eight hours with nothing to do." Nora said horrified.

"I know right." Ruby said empathizing with her.

"Just sleep." Yang shrugged.

"Prison's aren't exactly comfortable." Blake said.

"Have you met Yang?" Weiss asked. "She'll sleep anywhere."

"It's a gift." Yang said laughing.

"So will Nora." Ren added gesturing to Nora who had nestled her head against Ren's shoulder and was Dozing off.

**O'Malley fires a rocket overhead that lands behind them. They scatter**

**O'Malley: "You foolish fools will** _ **never**_ **defeat me! You're far too busy being foolish! Ha! Ob** _ **liv**_ **ion is at hand!"**

"That rocket launcher looks amazing!" Nora said amazed at the sight as she quickly stopped dozing off.

"I want to make so many of these weapons!" Ruby said snapping a picture with Velvet's camera.

**Simmons: "Sarge. I have an idea, but I need you to distract him."**

**Sarge: "Will do! (turns to Grif, who's hiding behind the rock with him... again) Grif? I've** _ **never**_ **believed in you. Not even for a moment. But now, is your chance to prove yourself. To me."**

"Awe I think they are finally going to have a moment. I still think Sarge loves Grif as a son." Pyrrha commented.

**Grif: "What can I do, Sarge?"**

**Sarge: "I need you to run** _ **right**_ **at O'Malley."**

Pyrrha sighed.

**Grif: "And shank him with my shiv?"**

"What a pro, he's been in prison for five hours and already has a shiv." Yang commented.

**Sarge: "No. When he blows you up with the rocket, try to see if you can get your dismembered limbs and guts to clog the barrels of his rocket launcher."**

This time Pyrrha groaned while Yang and Nora laughed.

"I wonder if that would work." Nora said.

"Nora, Gross." Jaune said.

**Grif: "You're kidding."**

"I wish he was." Weiss said.

**Sarge: "It's a remote chance, I know. But it's worth a shot."**

"Nearly impossible." Ren said.

**O'Malley: (running up to their cozy little rock) "Ahhhhblivion is at hand! (evil laugh)"**

**Doc: "Cover your ears, guys. This thing is** _ **really**_ **loud."**

"Do you think Doc can control anything he does? Or just talk?" Yang asked.

"I think he can Just talk." Ruby said.

**Grif: "This is it!"**

**Simmons: "Not so fast, O'Malley! Maybe we can't stop you, but I know who can!"**

**A teleporter portal randomly appears in the middle of the ground, and the Battle Creek soldiers come pouring out of it**

Weiss and Blake groaned while everyone else laughed or cheered.

**A Blue Soldier: "Alright, new level, yeah!"**

**Blue Soldiers and Red Soldiers: "Whoohoo!"**

"This is awesome!" Nora said.

**Simmons: "Hey guys, you want your flag?"**

**The Battle Creek soldiers all look at Simmons**

"Smart." Weiss commented.

**Simmons: "He's the one that has it!"**

**The Red Zealot: "The crusade has begun! Our hour of glory is now at hand! Let all who would stand against us be washed in our divine light!"**

"They're all fanatics and he's the cult leader." Blake said.

"Cult leader?" Ruby asked.

"Historic term for a leader of fanatics." Ren answered.

**The Battle Creek soldiers start attacking the hell out of O'Malley**

**O'Malley: "Get away from me! No! Get out, no! Dow!"**

**Simmons: "We need to disarm Church's bomb, Sarge."**

**Sarge: "Right."**

**Church: "(getting hit by lightning from Lopez) Yow, whoohoohoo!"**

"Uh oh." Yang commented.

**Sarge: "Hold still, son, this'll just take a second. (kneels in front of Church)"**

**Church: "Don't you ever install anything a** _ **bove**_ **the waist?"**

Jaune and Yang chuckled.

 **Sarge: "Oh no! That** _ **last**_ **lightning bolt fused the detonator! There's no way to turn this thing off."**

**Simmons: "Can you do it manually?"**

**Sarge: "Impossible. I specifically designed it so that** _ **I**_ **wouldn't be able to defuse it."**

"How is it possible to do that?" Weiss asked.

"I don't think it is." Ren said.

**Grif: "Why?"**

**Sarge: "In case I fell in to the wrong hands, and was** _ **brainwashed**_ **to help the blues."**

"He must have been fighting blues a long time." Pyrrha said.

"He sounds like those crazy Faunus war Vets." Yang commented.

Blake nodded and sighed.

"I thought they were long dead?" Jaune said confused.

"Their impressionable kids are not." Blake said.

**Simmons: "Nice thinking, sir."**

"Kissass." Yang mumbled.

 **Grif: "You had to get just** _ **one last ass kiss**_ **in before we die, didn't you."**

**Cut to the Battle Creek soldiers teabagging the fallen O'Malley**

Yang, Ruby, and Jaune burst out laughing.

"What?" Weiss asked. "That's childish."

"No they're teabagging! I can't believe teabagging is even in another universe!" Ruby said.

"Some things are universal!"Yang said laughing.

"It's transcends universes!" Jaune added.

The three burst out laughing again after that.

"Teabagging?" Weiss asked.

Blake sighed when she got the joke.

The three were too busy laughing to explain to Weiss.

**O'Malley: "No nup- that's disgusting, what're you doing?"**

**Blue Soldier: "Let me try, let me try."**

**Red Soldier: "Heh heh heh."**

**Another Red Soldier: "Take that dude!"**

**O'Malley: "I'm being violated!"**

The three burst into another round of laughter.

Weiss groaned because she finally got it.

**Tucker: "(pulling out a rocket launcher) Church, there's only one thing I can do."**

**Church: "Hehey, what the hell?"**

"What is he doing?" Ruby asked.

**Simmons: "There's only twenty seconds left!"**

"Ohhhh no." Nora mumbled.

 **Tucker: "If I blow you up** _ **before**_ **the bomb goes off, there's at least a small chance the** _ **rest**_ **of us will live."**

"What?!" Blake yelled.

"That will just make it go off sooner!" Nora yelled.

**Church: "But the rocket'll kill me."**

"He's already dead." Weiss pointed out.

**Simmons: "Ten seconds."**

**Grif: "You're gonna die** _ **anyway**_ **when the bomb goes off!"**

**Church: "What can I tell ya pal, misery loves company."**

"Isn't that the truth." Blake said.

Everyone nodded.

"Better to be miserable together than alone." Pyrrha said.

Pyrrha Blake and Weiss both sighed, they all knew how it felt to be alone and miserable. Nora and Ren had been miserable together and moved on.

**Simmons: "Five seconds!"**

**Tucker: "Sorry Church."**

**Church: "Man this blows, you guys suck."**

**The rocket launcher is shot right out of Tucker's hands**

"What?" Nora said.

**Tucker: "What the hell!?"**

**Cut to Wyoming on an icy peak**

**Wyoming: "Sorry Private Tucker, but I** _**al** _ **ways get my man. Say good bye mate."**

"Does that mean Wyoming's gay?" Yang asked.

"Probably, he's about as subtle as Donut." Blake said laughing.

"Ohhh lets ship them!" Nora yelled.

"No." Yang replied.

Blake groaned. "So many book series have been ruined by fan service."

**Simmons: "Uh guys, I hate to interrupt, but... zero seconds."**

**Tucker: "Whuh oh."**

**Church: "What? Oh, son of a-"**

**Cut to the ringworld halo exploding in a huge white blast that shoots all the way across space.**

"Woah!" Everyone yelled.

"That's a lot bigger explosion than I thought!" Nora yelled.

"Is this the end of the show?!" Ruby asked horrified.

"A bomb that big...that would be a world ender." Ren said.

"It is a world ender!" Jaune said.

**The screen goes white, and a loud ringing beep is audible, shortly to be replaced by a warbling sound as it fades in to a black and white spiral sort of pattern, with the reds and the blues except Church floating in front of it**

"What?" Weiss said confused.

"How are they alive?" Nora asked.

**Simmons: "What the..."**

**Sarge: "The bomb must have gone off."**

**Grif: "Where are we? Are we dead?"**

**Caboose: "I don't want to be dead! I want to be alive, or, a cowboy."**

"He wants to be a cow faunus?" Yang asked.

**Donut: "Dead, oh man. Tomorrow was all you can eat day at the chow hall. And I wanted to eat all that I could."**

"Me too." Nora said.

"Are they all going to be ghosts now?" Weiss asked.

**The spiral pattern is replaced with a stars pattern, still rotating**

**Sarge: "We're not dead, idiots. We're stuck in some kind of temporal... whoa no! Heads up boys, prepare for impact!"**

"Oh maybe they're all alive, and they just got blown to the other side of the ring." Jaune said.

"Then what was with all the clocks?" Weiss asked.

"Don't know." Jaune said trying to think.

**Screen goes white, then fades in to a shot of the sky with a different targetting reticle. Because it is now Halo 2.**

Everyone leaned forward very interested.

"The sky looks different." Weiss said.

"I know what you mean, it looks...better." Blake said surprised.

**Tucker: "G** _**n** _ **nmnaugh, what happened?"**

**Donut emerges in shiny new pink armor that looks different than before**

"Woah!" Everyone yelled again.

"Wow it looks so much better!" Ruby yelled.

"It still looks like shi- like crap." Weiss said correcting herself.

Blake nodded agreeing with Weiss.

"But it is a huge improvement." Ren said.

"Why does it look so much better though?" Pyrrha asked.

"It's a new game!" Jaune yelled.

"Oh yeah you're right!" Yang said.

"What?" Weiss asked.

"Remember? The whole show is made in a game?" Ruby asked.

"Well yeah but- ohhhh. Oh I see." Weiss said coming to the realization.

"I still want to know what this game is called." Ruby said.

"Well, lets call this...game two?" Jaune suggested.

"That sounds good." Pyrrha said.

**Donut: "Hey, he's awake!"**

**Grif: "I** _ **still**_ **wanna know why** _ **I**_ **don't get a laser gun."**

"What?" Weiss said confused.

"More things we don't understand." Yang said.

**Simmons: "Shut up, dumbass."**

**Donut: "Guys, Tucker's awake."**

"Look in the background." Blake said pointing. "They're still on the ring, it's just destroyed."

**Simmons: "Huh? Hey hey hey, take it easy Tucker, you've been out a while."**

"They should all be dead after that". Weiss said.

"Maybe it's the armor." Ruby suggested.

 **Grif: "And I thought** _ **I**_ **was lazy."**

**Tucker: "What's going on? Who are you people?"**

**Donut: "He has amnesia! Tucker. Don't worry. You are safe. We're the reds, we are your mortal enemies. Wait.** _ **That**_ **didn't sound right."**

 **Caboose: "Tucker! Tucker! I am** _ **so glad**_ **you are alive."**

**Tucker: "Caboose? Still so dumb, but you look so different."**

"I'll say." Yang said.

"I- it's amazing." Blake said. "It still looks terrible but going from that to this is just weird."

"I agree." Weiss said.

**Caboose: "We're in the future! Things are very shiny here."**

"The clocks." Ren mumbled.

**Tucker: "The future? Oh I can't fucking wait to hear this one."**

**Sarge: "Obviously Lopez's weather matrix combined with the power of bomb 21 combined to create an explosion so large, it caused a temporal rift in time, that cascaded throughout the blo-"**

"Nononono no." Weiss said. "This better just be them being dumb."

Blake nodded. "If it's time travel then they jumped the Shark."

Weiss grimaced.

**Tucker: "Whoa whoa wait a second, wait a second. I don't understand."**

**Donut: "Sarge! Can we do the skit now?"**

"Huh?" Weiss said.

**Caboose: "Yeah!"**

**Simmons: "Yes."**

**Grif: "I don't wanna do that dumb skit."**

**Sarge: "Fine. But only because I wanna see Grif be miserable. I miss the old days."**

"Hmmm, maybe this is an inside joke between the creators?" Ren suggested.

"Yeah it looks like that, breaking the fourth wall." Jaune said.

**Donut: "Great! Places everyone!"**

**Everyone scatters off screen**

**Donut: "(clears throat) The Red vs Blue players present, a Franklin Donut play. Written and directed by Franklin Donut. In association with Light Red Danish Productions."**

"Leonard Church, Michael J Caboose and Franklin Donut." Ren muttered.

**Sarge: "Can we just start?"**

**Cut to a red curtain on the left, and a blue curtain on the right, that both peel away as if for the theatre**

**Donut: "And,** _**action!"** _

**Simmons: "Hello weary traveler, we represent the timeline."**

Weiss and Blake groaned.

"This is ridiculous and stupid." Weiss complained.

**Sarge: "I am the past, where things cost less, and people knew the value of a hard day's work. But they only lived to be twenty-eight years old."**

While still hating what turn the show took Weiss and Blake chuckled at the joke as did Ren.

**Simmons: "And I am the future, where people have no morals and no emotions but we have a bunch of kickass gadgets."**

"Sounds like the future in most movies." Jaune commented.

**Grif: "And I'm the present, which sucks. We have nothing cool, and also no morals."**

Everyone laughed and sighed at that except Ruby.

**Donut: "And I am the helpful narrator, A faceless voice used by poor writers."**

Blake and Ren laughed at that.

"So true." Blake said looking to a pile of books with the shitty cliche.

**Tucker: "You have a face... I think."**

**Donut: "** _ **Shut up, audience.**_ **You're ruining my play. Everything was fine in the timeline, until one day, in the present..."**

**Grif: "Why does bad stuff always happen in the present?"**

"Because the present is now." Weiss answered.

"But that is a good question, I mean can't one generation be peaceful for once? Or at least no wars or major conflicts for twenty years?" Jaune complained.

"There hasn't really been a major conflict recently, just major Grimm attacks." Ruby looked down, "But we can stop those!"

**Donut: "Because** _**that's when people do stuff** _ **."**

**Sarge: "Ah, quit yer bitching. I have attrocities and a crapload of wars seemed very important at the time, but now seem trivial and stupid."**

Ren and Blake laughed at that.

"The most Recent wars, the Faunus Revolution and the great War are still relevant but far in the future I assume people will look back at it as ridiculous." Ren said.

"I just hope the ridiculous part is the fact that people used to oppress Faunus." Blake said solemnly.

**Simmons: "Yeah and I've got apocalypse. That's way worse than anything you two dipshits have."**

**Sarge looks at Simmons**

"Ohhhhh Bad Simmons." Nora said laughing.

**Simmons: "Sorry Sir, that "dipshit" was in character."**

**Sarge: "Oh. Well, bravo Simmons."**

"Nice save." Yang commented.

**Donut: "One day, in the present, a terrible thing happened."**

**Caboose: "Enter Stage Left. Hello, I am stupid Private Tucker. I am going to set off a big bomb now,** _**and totally mess things up for everyone** _ **. Because I am stupid. Turns around. Hello, present. I'm going to set off a bomb in you."**

"Is he reading his stage directions?" Jaune asked.

"You know about theater?" Blake said.

"Yeah, ugh I had to be in a few back in my hometown." Jaune complained.

Pyrrha lightly chuckled.

 **Grif: "Don't do that, stupid Private Tucker. That might** _ **kill**_ **me."**

**Caboose: "Thinks about this, for a moment."**

**Donut: "Caboose, stop reading your stage directions."**

**Caboose: "You told me I was supposed to read anything with my name in front of it."**

**Donut: "Just the lines, not the blocking. You're ruining my big debut!"**

"Donut sounds like typical directors blaming actors for their bad directing." Jaune said.

**Caboose: "I do not think we are meshing, artistically. I think you should talk to my agent."**

Jaune laughed at the joke.

**Grif: "This is stupid, I quit."**

**Donut: "You** _ **can't**_ **quit! End scene! This has been a Franklin Donut joint."**

 **Sarge: "Listen, son. You and your buddy Church set off a bomb, which when combined with the weather machinery in Lopez, made an explosion** _ **so large**_ **it destroyed the present."**

"Destroyed the present? That's stupid." Weiss said.

"I agree." Blake said.

**Tucker: "Destroyed the present, then where are we?"**

**Simmons: "We're in the future, numbnuts."**

**Tucker: "Aren't we in the present right now? Aren't we always in the present?"**

"Yeah." Weiss mumbled.

**Simmons: "Unbelievable, he can't cope with the loss. He's in denial."**

**Grif: "That is so sad."**

"Denial is a terrible stage in Grief." Blake said. "Especially once it ends."

**Sarge: "Son, you're just not listenin'. The present has been destroyed. It no longer exists. We are in the future."**

**Tucker: "Ah-ho, it makes no sense!"**

"Exactly!" Blake yelled.

"Just when I was liking the show!" Weiss complained.

Yang sighed. "One step forward twenty back."

 **Donut: "I'm currently working on a short film to explain it. Tom Cruise has the script, and I hear he's** _ **veeery**_ **interested."**

"Tom Cruise?" Ruby asked.

"Probably a famous actor like Spruce Willis." Jaune said.

**Tucker: "You're telling me a bomb sent us in to the future."**

"Exactly its so ridiculous and just...ugh." Weiss grunted.

**Simmons: "Yeah, you see luckily Church was facing forward when the bomb went off, and we were standing in front of him? So that sent us forward in to the future."**

**Tucker: "Of** _ **course**_ **he was facing forward. What other way can people face?"**

"That's true". Jaune said.

**Simmons: "You see? That's what I meant by luckily."**

**Tucker: "What happened to Church?"**

**Sarge: "Hmm. Never really thought about him."**

**Simmons: "Yeah, weird, I- I guess he's dead."**

"I don't think they traveled to the future." Jaune said.

"What?" Weiss and Blake said.

"Well, the explosion probably sent them to the other side of the ring. And they're just dumb." Jaune explained.

"Hopefully that is the case." Weiss said, face softening.

**Sarge: "Sounds good to me, let's go with that."**

**Tucker: "He could be hurt, and trapped in the present."**

**Sarge: "That's impossible, son. The** _ **present**_ **doesn't exist any more. What you're proposing just isn't very good science."**

Weiss and Blake huffed.

**Tucker: "Don't you see? If Church was facing forward during the explosion, and that blew us in to the future, that could mean that he was blown backward in to the...** _**oh no!"** _

"No, they're going with the time travel aren't they." Weiss said.

Blake sighed.

**Sarge: "Backwards in to what? A wall? A broom closet?"**

**Grif: "A big rock?"**

**Caboose: "Another big rock!"**

**Tucker: "No! In to the past!"**

**Cut to Church, in all his sixteen-bit goodness in Marathon-2**

**Church: "What the hell? Where the hell am** _**I"** _

**The screen cut to black.**

Weiss and Blake ignored the game change and started complaining about plot, storytelling, and the craziness of time travel.

"I was just starting to like the show and then they do this? That's so stupid the plot was just getting good!" Weiss complained.

"I know! Why would they do this?" Blake complained. "Time travel, the worst thing that can happen to a show unless its specified it can happen at the beginning!"

While those two complained the others were freaking out over the game change.

"Wait! Does this mean that's the first game and what we have seen up until this point is the second game?" Jaune asked.

"Maybe." Ren said. "The giant Ring has me thinking, the entire show took place on it so I have a theory that the original game is based around this ring."

"Or the show is all the cutscenes for the game." Ruby suggested.

"Hmm, maybe but I think we should name the games." Ren said.

"How about Ring?" Pyrrha suggested.

"Yeah, Ring 1, Ring, 2, and Ring 3." Yang said.

Ren nodded, "That sounds good, the Time travel is interesting though."

"Next episode please!" Nora yelled.

"Yeah!" Weiss yelled sarcastically. "Can't wait to see what stupid thing they do next."

Yang sighed and everyone else ignored her.

"Just play the next one." Ruby groaned.

* * *

**My pm's are open to**

**-Suggestions for this FanFiction**

**-Requests for any new FanFictions**

**-Advice on writing**

**-Reviews**

**-Pointing out any and all mistakes**

**-Questions, any and all**

**-Thanks!**

— **References—**

**Teabagging started from Halo 1 at Lan parties, that is some video game history right there. Look at the knowyourmeme page to find out more.**


	44. S3E44 We Must Rebuild

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 44- We Must Rebuild**

" **We Must Rebuild" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

Weiss groaned as the usual five hummed the theme. She had been thinking about joining in but after in her opinion, the stupidity of last episode she wasn't interested.

**Fade in and pan down to Grif and Simmons and Tucker**

**Grif: "They destroyed it all, Simmons, those damn stupid bastards. They blew it all up! Damn them! Damn them to Hell!** _**Those damn dirty apes!"** _

"Huh?" Yang said confused.

"Reference maybe?" Jaune said.

"Apes...like Beringels?" Ruby said.

"Maybe." Ren said.

**Simmons: "Calm down Grif, we don't know that the whole world is like this."**

**Grif: "Yes it is, they destroyed it all. I guess the society of men just wasn't meant to survive."**

**Simmons: "Hey how 'bout this: how 'bout we explore, more than two square miles, before we jump to any conclusions."**

"They do know they're on a ring world right?" Blake asked.

"They just need to look up to know that everything is destroyed." Weiss said.

**Grif: "It was definitely nuclear weapons, that's what did it. And the explosions caused massive power outages which caused the failsafe to fail, which released a super bacteria from a secret lab."**

"Nuclear weapons?" Yang said.

"No idea." Ren said.

"Fail safe to fail? How can a fail safe fail?" Ruby asked.

"And super bacteria?" Jaune said.

**Simmons: "Oh come on."**

**Grif: "That caused a huge plague, and as the victims died, they rose from the dead twelve hours later to roam the Earth and feast on human flesh."**

"What?!" Ruby yelled.

"Gross." Yang commented.

"That would be awful." Pyrrha said.

**Simmons: "What?"**

**Grif: "A handful of gritty survivors from all walks of life were able to** _ **keep**_ **the legions of the infected radioactive undead at bay, using only their wits, and an inexplicable comprehension of agricultural science and engineering. Everything was looking good... and that's when the meteor hit."**

"This sounds like a bunch of references we don't understand." Jaune said.

**Simmons: "I think you just quoted every crappy Hollywood apocalypse movie** _**ever** _ **."**

"Hollywood, apocalypse movies." Ren mumbled writing in his notes.

"So movie references." Yang said.

"Those movies sound awesome!" Jaune said.

"They sound like horror movies." Ruby said.

 **Tucker: "Naw. Hollywood doesn't under** _ **stand**_ **apocalypse. They think that just** _ **one thing**_ **from everyday life goes away and that changes everything. Like in Road Warrior it was gas, and in Waterworld it was land."**

"Water world? That actually sounds like a cool movie." Jaune said.

"Hey, we can steal the idea and make millions of Lien." Yang suggested.

"Its all made up or already exists so we can't." Weiss grumbled.

**Simmons: "What went away in The Matrix?"**

"Water world, Matrix, Road warrior." Ren hummed.

**Tucker: "Sunlight."**

**Grif: "I thought the missing element was plot."**

"I guess the movie is bad." Jaune said.

**Tucker: "I'm talkin about Matrix** _**One** _ **."**

**Simmons: "Oh right."**

"Ugh! This is so annoying not understanding all these references!" Yang yelled frustrated.

"If only we had a kind of reference thing, something that could explain all these jokes to us." Jaune said.

...

Nothing happened.

**Grif: "Face it Simmons, the age of man is done."**

**Simmons: "If all that happened, then were are the zombies? Why aren't** _ **they**_ **still around?"**

"Zombies? The dead people eating flesh?" Weiss asked.

"Probably." Ren mumbled.

**Grif: "The meteor killed them!"**

**Simmons: "And what about the super bacteria?"**

**Grif: "It was infected by** _ **alien**_ **bacteria brought by the meteor, and was wiped out in a massive bacteria on bacteria plague. Very ironic."**

"I'm so confused." Ruby said.

"It makes perfect sense!" Nora yelled.

**Simmons: "Okay, then why haven't we been infected by the new alien bacteria?"**

**Grif: "It only infects** _**other bacteria** _ **. Are you even listening to me?"**

**Tucker: "Do you guys ever get anything done, or you do you just stand around and talk all day?"**

**Grif: "We don't get paid enough to do stuff."**

"Have they ever gotten paid?" Ruby asked.

**Tucker: "But what about Church, idiot? How're we gonna get him from the past to the future?"**

Weiss and Blake huffed again.

**Grif: "I guess he can just wait. That's how it usually works."**

**Tucker: "But when he gets to the present, he'll just be destroyed like everything else."**

**Simmons: "Well, he'll just have to fix it on his own then."**

**Grif: "And if he's successful, he'll get to live through the coolest apocalypse of all time!"**

"Church can't die, he really can just sleep for forever." Yang said.

"That would be boring." Nora said.

"If he's back in time, can't he just change the past?" Jaune asked.

"I've always seen time travel stories as things that have already happened, it's impossible to change the future because it already happened." Ren explained.

"Huh?" Yang said confused.

"It doesn't matter, Time travel is ridiculous and I can't believe the show would do this." Weiss huffed.

**Sarge: "Simmons, Grif, get yer keesters over here."**

**Cut to Donut and Caboose standing next to what seems at first glance to be a jeep, but could really be anything in the future day and age**

**Caboose: "Look what I found."**

**Donut: "I found it!"**

**Caboose: "Look at what I took credit for finding."**

**Sarge: "A-mazing that these two actually accomplished something."**

**Grif: "It looks like some kind of an alien transport mechanism that could be used to-"**

"It's a warthog." Weiss and Blake huffed.

**Simmons: "Or,** _**it's a jeep** _ **."**

**Grif: "You have no imagination."**

**Sarge: "Hmmm, let me see if I can get this thing working."**

**Simmons: "How? There's no parts. And what're you gonna use for fuel?"**

**Sarge: "Grif was right, Simmons. You don't have** _ **any**_ **imagination."**

**Grif: "Thank you sir."**

**Sarge: "Shut up, scumbag, we're not having a moment."**

**Tucker: "Hey. We need to find Church."**

**Sarge: "He's** _**dead** _ **, son. Why haven't you given up hope yet and just moved on."**

"You should never give up hope." Pyrrha mumbled.

**Tucker: "It's only been a couple of hours!"**

**Sarge: "Well this should make you feel better. When his body blasted in to smithereens, at least he took all our enemies with him."**

**Cut to a beach, with a sign saying "Danger: No Swimming" with a picture of a shark on it**

"Nope, they're alive too, wonderful." Weiss said sarcastically.

Yang glared at Weiss.

**Lopez: "Peligro. Error. Error."**

**Caption: Warning. Error. Error.**

**Lopez: "Peligro. Error. Error."**

**Caption: Warning. Error. Error.**

**Lopez: "No puedo tocar mi cuerpo. (as if winding down)"**

**Caption: I cannot feel my body...**

**O'Malley: "(evil laugh) Don't worry, my metallic friend. You'll be up and about in** _ **no**_ **time. Muhahahaha. Muhhh-hahaha-heh. U-ha! Haw. Ha-ha. Uhngh. (cough) Hah"**

**the screen cut to black.**

"What a terrible episode." Weiss said.

"Agreed." Blake said.

"What is your problem?" Yang asked.

"I was finally starting to like the show but then it got stupid and ridiculous!" Weiss complained.

"Same reason." Blake said.

Yang was about to say something but Weiss stopped her.

"Just play the next episode." Weiss huffed crossing her arms.


	45. S3E45 New Toys

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 45- New Toys**

" **New Toys" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

Weiss was on her scroll going over class notes and Blake was reading while the usual five hummed the theme. Ren poured over his own notes.

**Fade in to a miscellaneous shot of wherever the Reds, Caboose and Tucker are.**

**Sarge: "Donut, hold the light right there. No, not on me, on** _**that** _ **. Why would I need the light, on my face?"**

"Exactly Ruby." Yang said.

"I haven't made that mistake in years!" Ruby huffed.

**Cut to Sarge and Donut lying under the jeep, mechanic-style**

**Donut: "Hey Sarge, what's that metal thing that looks like a bunny!? Ooh, ooh, and what's that other metal thing that looks like a soup can?"**

"I told you I could see shapes under your bike." Ruby said smiling.

"And I told you to not touch them." Yang said.

"I listened." Ruby said meekly.

"Yeah, after you almost lost a finger." Yang said smiling.

"I had aura!" Ruby shot back.

"Is that supposed to be an excuse?" Weiss asked.

"You try repairing a crashed motorcycle!" Ruby said blushing.

Weiss shut her mouth but smiled.

**Sarge: "Don't touch** _**any** _ **thing, Donut. Okay fellas, I think I've got it. Give her a crank. ...Guys? ...Hey, what in tarnation are you knuckleheads doing up there?"**

**Cut to Simmons and Tucker**

**Simmons: "No, I** _ **don't**_ **think getting new rims for the jeep's a good idea."**

"I need new rims for Bumblebee." Yang hummed. "I've been neglecting her since school started."

**Grif: "(in the driver seat of the jeep) Oh come on! If we all kick in, we can get some spinners, some kickass subs,** _**hydraulics!"** _

**Tucker: "I'm in."**

**Simmons: "Why?"**

**Grif: "Uh, for style?"**

**Tucker: "For chicks!"**

Weiss groaned.

**Simmons: "What chicks, there's noone for miles. We don't even know if anyone's still alive."**

"It is interesting to see how the characters mesh with each other after being on opposing sides. It would normally seem like the two sides didn't have similar personalities." Blake said.

"Are you coming back around?" Yang asked.

"No. I still hate what the show did." Blake said.

**Grif: "What, suddenly you're a pessimist?"**

**Tucker: "Yeah, but if we** _ **do**_ **find some women, we will literally be the last men on Earth for them."**

Yang, Blake, and Weiss laughed at that.

"Wait earth?" Jaune said.

"Is earth the ring?" Ruby asked.

"Probably." Ren said writing it down.

"So girls in that universe have also had to tell guys the same thing." Yang said laughing.

Weiss ignored the other universe thing. "Yeah, how many times have you had to give the 'not if you were the last man on Remnant line?'" Weiss asked.

"Pretty much on every guy at Signal." Yang said.

"Too many to count." Blake said.

Jaune inwardly sighed, he knew how it felt to be on the other end of that line. Even though most guys who received it were too pushy. _Including me_ Jaune thought.

**Grif: "He's right."**

**Tucker: "All my life I've had girls tell me, "not if you were the last man on Earth," haha. Well that may be true, but let's see what happens when I'm the last man on Earth with a sweetass pimped out ride, bitch."**

"Still a No in my opinion." Weiss said.

Blake and Yang nodded.

"I think Tucker just puts on a confident face and isn't really a player." Jaune said.

"I have been thinking the same as well." Pyrrha said looking to her leader.

**Sarge: "(standing up) If you ladies are through gossiping, I could use some help fixing our vehicle."**

**Grif: "Oh yeah, right, here let me try.**

**Sounds of the jeep starting up, then it moves a foot or two and grinds to a stop"**

"Never hit the ignition while people are working on it!" Yang yelled with her hands in her hair. That lesson had been drilled into her by her father and it was painful to watch someone break that rule.

**Sarge: "wait!"**

**Donut: "(still under the jeep) Ya-ya-yaaaoouwwwww!"**

"Ugh, I know that pain." Ruby groaned.

"That's how I learned that lesson." Yang said groaning too.

**Sarge: "Donut, are you okay?"**

**Donut: "I was just, petting, the bunny. And then it went in to the soup can... and part of my hand went with it."**

"And that is what happens when you don't have aura. Yeesh." Jaune said.

**Sarge: "(lying back down) Gehrururur..."**

**Tucker: "Bunny and hand soup, just like Mom used to make."**

**Sarge: "Donut, I told you not to touch anything. You touched** _ **everything!**_ **That's the exact opposite of touching nothing!"**

"So much like Ruby." Yang commented.

**Simmons hops up in the passenger seat of the jeep**

**Grif: "Hey, what're you doing?"**

**Simmons: "What does it look like I'm doing, I'm getting in the jeep."**

**Grif: "What're we, on a date? Get in the back."**

Jaune and Yang laughed.

**Simmons: "Oh you're so insecure."**

"Really? Simmons is calling someone else insecure?" Blake said.

Nora laughed.

**Sarge: "(standing back up) Will you two shut up? We need to get this thing fixed."**

**Donut: "I feel dizzy, Sarge..."**

"Probably from Blood loss." Pyrrha commented.

**Sarge: "Oh, that's just blood loss. You'll make new blood, you just need some orange juice."**

"Good advice, doesn't matter if you lose blood because you'll always make more! Ohh! Good Idea I can-" Nora said loudly before Ren stopped her.

"I don't think that's a good idea Nora." Ren said.

**Tucker: "What's the rush on getting this thing fixed, anyway?"**

**Sarge: "Listen dirtbag, I know on Blue Team you like to lollygag a bit-"**

**Tucker: "There** _ **is**_ **no Blue Team. It's all a lie. Red and blue are the same."**

**Grif: "Aw, don't start that crap again."**

"But he's right." Blake said.

"Too bad that whole storyline doesn't matter now." Weiss complained.

**Simmons: "You sound like a conspiracy nut when you talk about that stuff. The government put a chip in my brain."**

"Wasn't that a big thing in Atlas?" Yang asked.

Weiss groaned. "No, it was just a rumor from a crazy guy."

**Grif: "The President can hear my thoughts."**

"President? Hmmm." Ren mumbled.

"Like the president of a company?" Ruby asked.

"Maybe they have a president leader." Blake suggested.

"Interesting." Ren said writing in his notes.

"Really Blake?" Weiss asked.

"I just said they, whoever sent us the show." Blake explained.

"Nice save." Yang praised.

**Donut: "We never landed on the sun. (sharp inhale) They put fluoride in my water!"**

"Landed on the sun? How would that be possible?" Ruby asked.

"Even if dust could work outside the atmosphere the sun would melt everything near it." Ren explained.

"Maybe it's just a reference in the show not the universe its from." Jaune suggested.

Weiss huffed.

**Simmons: "Actually, that one's true."**

**Grif: "It is? No wonder I listen to so much pop music."**

**Sarge: "We're fixing the jeep because we need to be prepared. Just as our enemies are no doubt preparing to attack us at this very moment."**

**Tucker: "But you guys think** _ **I'm**_ **your enemy, and I'm not preparing to do anything. 'Cept get L-A-I-D."**

"Lllaaaaammme." Yang said drawing out the word.

**Simmons: "..."**

**Grif: "..."**

"Awkward." Ruby commented.

**Tucker: "Laid."**

**Grif: "Yeah, we can spell. We just think that was fucking weak."**

**Cut to** **Doc** **O'Malley and Lopez's head in some sort of base**

**O'Malley: "(maniacal laughter) Yes, this place will do nicely for an evil lair. It's diabolically designed!"**

**Doc: "As a student of feng-shui, I can tell you this house is 88% good luck. Also, very breezy. I like the floorplan."**

"They sound like an old married couple." Blake said.

Yang and Pyrrha laughed at the joke.

**O'Malley: "Quiet you fool."**

**Lopez: "Nomás quiero un quiero solo para mí."**

**Caption: I just want my own room.**

**Lopez: "No me gusto compartir con el vacío."**

**Caption: I hate sharing with the vacuum.**

"Ren how are you on deciphering the language?" Blake asked.

"Not very far, I still only know what is said in the show. And I have no idea how this stuff is spelled so it's all guess work." Ren explained.

**O'Malley: "Hello? Is anyone home? Don't be alarmed, we're only here to kill you and take all your possessions. Excellent! No doubt our very presence, has scared everyone away! (evil laugh)"**

"Or they all died from the bomb." Yangs suggested.

Ruby sighed.

**Doc: "Why don't we just see if this place is listed by a licensed real estate agent?"**

**O'Malley: "Oh shut up!"**

**Doc: "But we don't even know if it's been inspected recently. It could need foundation work."**

"That is an important thing to check." Weiss said.

**Lopez: "Podría tener el molde."**

**Caption: It could have mold.**

**O'Malley: "Both of you shut up. We're moving in and that's final. It has machine gun turrets, two living quarters with** _ **ample**_ **closet space, and a short commute to my secret laboratory! ...It's** _ **perfect**_ **."**

**Doc: "Yeah, but what about the school district?"**

"I wonder how schools work for them." Pyrrha said.

**Lopez: "No tenemos ningún niños."**

**Caption: We have no children.**

**Doc: "It's important to think about resale value, Lopez."**

"Very true." Weiss said.

**O'Malley: "Resale value? Our plan is to rule the world! Not make prudent investments."**

**Lopez: "Es importante tener un plan del retraso."**

**Caption: It's important to have a fallback plan**

"That's also true." Weiss said. "At least you can learn a lesson from this."

**O'Malley: "Oh shut up. We're moving in, that's final."**

**Doc: "Hey look, a computer! Now I can finally update my blog."**

"Whats a blog? Something we know or not?" Ruby asked.

"We don't know it." Weiss said.

**Lopez: "Tenes un weblog?"**

**Caption: You have a blog?**

**Doc: "Yeahah, it's great. It's just like being a real journalist, but without all the hassle of like liability and accuracy."**

Everyone groaned or sighed. "So they have their own version of that huh." Yang said.

"Everyone want's their opinions heard but people with informed and factual opinions aren't popular and the crazy people who pander have everyone listening." Blake complained.

"At least the news stations can be trusted to be accurate and unbiased." Weiss said.

Blake nodded. "I'm surprised how unbiased they have been with the White Fang. They could have very easily started fear mongering."

"I agree." Pyrrha said. "It's great to have news we can trust, but someone once told me it's only because things are calm."

"Sadly." Blake said.

**O'Malley: "No, I need that computer for compiling evil formulas. And to rebuild the weather machine. Also to download music. (evil laugh)"**

"That reminds me! Weiss would you be offended if I downloaded some of your songs?" Ruby asked.

"I- umm. I didn't think you would like any of them." Weiss said.

"I- well. It's not my style of music but it's still you singing." Ruby shrugged.

"Ok well, the hidden messages are kind of...depressing." Weiss said blushing.

"Not very hidden." Blake said.

"Glad someone finally noticed." Weiss said. "Bit too late now that I'm over those feelings."

**Lopez: "¿Quien quiere un postal de googlé invita?"**

**Caption: Does anyone want a g-mail invite?**

"Like messages through scrolls." Ren said.

**Doc: "Ooh, I do!"**

**Lopez: "Tengo cuarenta mil a dar. Es muy exclusivo."**

**Caption: I only have 40,000. It's very exclusive.**

**O'Malley: "Where's the mouse thingy?"**

**Doc: "It has one of those red rubber dot thingies on the keyboard. That's way better than a mouse. I call it a nubben. Who wants to touch my nubben"**

**The screen cut to black.**

"Is it getting better Weiss?" Yang asked.

"Hard to get worse from what already happened." Weiss said.

"Maybe there's some explanation and it's not time travel." Ruby suggested.

"That would be too good to be true." Weiss said.

Blake nodded. "Next one please."


	46. S3E46 We're Being Watched

**Author's Note:**

**Big thanks to Cruz7808 for the amazing idea.**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 46- We're Being Watched**

" **We're Being Watched" appeared on the screen with the theme music.**

Instead of humming the theme everyone looked at the title thinking.

"I wonder who's watching them." Yang said.

"Probably O'Malley." Blake said.

**Fade in on Doc/O'Malley/whoever behind a turret**

**O'Malley: "Yeeees, this place is coming along nicely. Excellent work repairing the turrets, Lopez."**

"How can he repair turrets? Or move he's just a head." Nora asked. Nora gasped. "Woah! What if he can fly!"

**Lopez: "Gracias. El trabajar manual me encanta."**

**Caption: Thank you. I find manual labor stimulating.**

"I do too." Ren said.

"Really?" Yang asked.

"Some say it is a form of meditation." Ren said.

"Boooorrrrring!" Nora said loudly.

**Doc: "I still say a flowerbox would have been a bit more neighborly."**

**O'Malley: "Oh shut up you fool!"**

**Doc: "Hey, we should start a neighborhood association. It's just like a government, but run by housewives and old people. So it's a lot more efficient at controlling your lives."**

"Some villages have that sort of setup, they're usually corrupt." Ren commented.

"That's terrible." Pyrrha said.

**O'Malley: "Shut up, get out of my head!"**

"He does realize he invaded Doc's head right?"

 **Doc: "Technically it's my head. But** _ **I**_ **don't mind sharing. Don't you remember that talk we had about sharing?"**

"Doc is a bit of an optimist, I like him." Pyrrha commented.

**O'Malley: "** _**Shut up!"** _

**Cut to a strange red soldier running toward ...something**

**Red Zealot: "At last! My pilgrimage is over! I have reached the promised land!"**

"Why! Come on why is he here?" Weiss complained.

"Yes! I love him he's so funny" Nora said happily as Yang, Ruby, and Jaune laughed at Weiss's annoyance.

Blake sighed, the fanatics reminded her of the White Fang.

**O'Malley: "(running to the ledge, through the fan) Who is that. Oh no. Not this buffoon! How did he get here?"**

**Lopez: "Él estaba cerca de la bomba, cuando quemó."**

**Caption: He probably was blown nearby by the bomb.**

Weiss groaned.

**O'Malley: "** _**Hellooooo** _ **. What do you want?"**

**Red Zealot: "The disembodied voice of God! (kneels) I hear you Holy One! I have made it to the temple and await your command!"**

"I wonder if this Fanatic is based off of anything or anyone." Ren said.

**O'Malley: "Up here- Helloooo. Red Moron. Eyes up, chop-chop!"**

**Red Zealot: "Oh. Greetings! Are you the gatekeeper of the temple?"**

**Doc: "Us? No, we just moved in. Can you help us move a couch? And do you know any good restaurants nearby?"**

**O'Malley: "Just a second. (To Doc) Listen you foool, let me handle this."**

**Doc: "I don't know, you haven't been the best choice when it comes to making friends. Maybe I should try."**

**O'Malley: "Nonsense! With the proper handling, this fellow will make an** _ **excellent**_ **stooge. And** _ **I'm**_ **the one here with the most experience training Stooges. Isn't that right, Lopez..."**

"He just reprogrammed Lopez didn't he?" Ruby asked.

"Yeah." Jaune answered.

**Lopez: "Nyuk, nyuk."**

**Caption: Nyuk, nyuk.**

**O'Malley: "You see!?"**

**Doc: "Okay, you can handle this, but I get to hang my motivational posters in the living room.** _**Hang in there kitty!"** _

"Blake! We should make one of those!" Ruby said happily.

Blake frowned. "No."

"But...it would be so cuuuute!" Ruby yelled.

"No." Blake answered again.

Ruby slumped.

**O'Malley: "Fine. But I'm telling you that cat will never make it to Friday. (To courtyard) Yes, I am the guardian of the temple. What do you want?"**

**Red Zealot: "I have travelled great distances, in search of enlightenment!"**

"Thats...admirable." Ren said.

 **O'Malley: "Reaaally, that's perfect. We have** _ **tons**_ **of that in here, but listen. We just can't let anyone in who wants to get in, so goodbye."**

 **Red Zealot: "** _ **Wait!**_ **I will do anything. Just tell me what I need to do to gain entrance."**

**Doc: "Psst, ask him what he knows about gardening."**

**Lopez: "Pregúnteles si él desea sus hombros."**

**Caption: Ask him if we can have his shoulders.**

**Doc: "Maybe he knows how to use that** _ **computer**_ **we found."**

"I doubt he's useful for anything." Weiss said.

**The gate opens, in a very bizarre, unnecessarily cinematic graphical sequence**

**O'Malley: "Alright then come on in. We'll think of something, (evil laughter) (more evil laughter) (even more evil laughter) (still more evil laughter)"**

"He is really overdoing it." Pyrrha commented.

"It's annoying." Blake said.

"I'm glad actual bad guys aren't like this." Ruby said.

"I actually wish they were this stupid." Yang said.

"Hey Roman was dumb enough to get caught." Jaune joked.

Everyone laughed.

**Lopez: "En túnel es abajo. Usted va a soplaro."**

**Caption: Tone it down. You're going to blow it.**

"I agree." Weiss said.

**O'Malley: "(yet again, more evil laughter)"**

**Lopez: "Ese es demasiado."**

**Caption: OK, now that's just too much.**

**In the distance, someone hides behind a pillar(we all know it's Tex)**

"There's Tex!" Ruby said happily.

"Finally she's back!" Yang said happily.

 **O'Malley: "What was that? (turning away slowly) Hmm... (turning back quickly) Aha! Heh? (turning away) Hmm, a-** _ **ha!**_ **...Minding my own business, slowly walking away and HAA, I** _ **got you!**_ **(turns around). ...Oh for** _ **get**_ **it."**

"He really should be more subtle." Blake commented.

**Cut to Simmons and Grif walking by a convenient skull**

**Sarge: "Grif, Simmons, where've you two been?"**

**Simmons: "Our patrol didn't go exactly as planned, Sarge."**

**Sarge: "Did you find something? Wait a minute, where's the jeep?"**

Yang started snickering.

**Grif: "Yeeaah, it's like this."**

"Sounds like Jaune trying to explain why he didn't do Port's homework." Pyrrha said laughing.

"I- ugh." Jaune sighed.

"I told you that all you have to do is tell a story." Yang said. "That's what I do."

"Yang! I thought you were doing your homework!" Ruby complained.

"Are you really one to talk?" Yang asked.

Ruby smirked, "Yes because I did all my work _and_ got good grades!"

**Sarge: "Grif... I just built that jeep, I don't want to hear that it's been destroyed."**

**Grif: "Oh, well then maybe I should stop talking. Or you can stop listening."**

**Sarge: "Grif!"**

**Simmons: "Nonono it's not destroyed Sarge, the engine just quit."**

"Why would he ever trust them with anything." Weiss asked.

**Sarge: "And what exactly were you doing when the engine died?"**

**Grif: "Duh, getting the jeep outta the ditch."**

**Sarge: "What was the jeep doing in a ditch?"**

**Grif: "Well I can tell you what it** _ **wasn't**_ **doing, and that's reenacting the coolest scene from The Dukes of Hazzard ever."**

"Very convincing." Blake said sarcastically.

"Is that another movie reference?" Jaune asked.

Ren nodded. "Likely."

**Sarge: "Rrrrrrrrrrrrr."**

**Grif: "Simmons was driving."**

**Simmons: "No I wasn't, I was holding the arrows and the dynamite!"**

"Sounds like an awesome movie." Jaune commented.

**Cut to the three of them looking at the jeep**

**Sarge: "Wait a second, this thing isn't busted, it's just outta gas."**

**Grif: "It runs on** _**gas** _ **?"**

"So Gas is their version of energy." Ren mumbled.

**Sarge: "Of course not moron, where are we gonna get gasoline? I modified the fuel cells to utilize a form of cold fission, powered by solar energy."**

"Solar energy?" Weiss said thinking. "Solar Energy from the sun?, SOLAR ENERGY!" Weiss screamed, everyone stood up shocked.

"Weiss? What is it?" Ruby asked.

"Solar energy! Jaune could that work?" Weiss asked.

"I- what? I don't know I think it's possible. The heat of the sun used to power...oh, OH!" Jaune said surprised.

"This is how I can bring back the Schnee's good name! No more reliance on dust! A new energy source!" Weiss said happily.

"Less need for dust mines..." Blake said hopefully. "No more Faunus labor."

"More environmentally friendly." Pyrrha said.

"Power from the sun!" Nora said loudly.

"Do you understand what this means!" Weiss said amazed. "How has no one thought of this before!"

"I'm looking it up right now!" Jaune screamed running for his scroll. "It says here the concept of sun energy has been theorized about by a group of Atlas researchers but they were shut down because of lack of funding. The main problem with sun energy is the amount of Sun panels needed would be...wow that's a lot. Also problems with Rain, maintenance, energy gained, a bunch of stuff."

Weiss laughed happily. "That's not a problem!" Weiss fell into her bunk laughing. "The SDC can fund them and more! More research can be done and they can find a way to fix that problem."

"Ummm, it says here the SDC is the one who cut their funding..." Jaune said.

Weiss groaned. "My father of course...but it can be done, I'm still the heiress...I- wow this. This could be amazing."

"It really could, if it works." Blake said amazed.

"Power from the sun, this other universe sounds amazing." Yang said.

"This sounds like an amazing idea." Ren said. "Not only would you create a new energy source you would end the Faunus labor."

"I'm sure she would have done that anyway." Pyrrha said.

"I would have but, this...I am beginning to like this show again. And I will consider the possibility it is from another universe. But, I do think it's possible one of the scientists could have made the show." Weiss said.

"I will do some research." Ren said.

"I- wow I'm in a really good mood I just..." Weiss said amazed. "Hit play I want to see what else they say."

Weiss smiled, she knew there would be problems, there would have to be because if there weren't they would all be using Solar energy instead of dust, but the alternative energy source would either way be a revolution. Even if it wasn't as good as dust, too bad she would have to wait a long time until she became leader of the SDC, but it was only a matter of time.

**Simmons: "So then why is it dead, sir?"**

**Sarge: "You would have had to park it in the shade for at least two hours. What were you doing parked in the shade for two hours?"**

"Solar energy is sounding a little less useful." Yang commented.

"It doesn't matter." Weiss said. "With the amount of money my family has I can fund research to fix any problems."

"What if they can't be fixed?" Blake asked.

"I think they can." Pyrrha said hopefully.

"Yeah me too! Can you imagine it? Power from the sun!" Ruby said happily.

"How would Solar energy be used for stuff like weapons?" Jaune asked.

"I- I don't know maybe it wouldn't work but...it will still be a great new energy source, even if it's second to dust." Weiss explained.

 **Grif: "Well I can tell you what we** _ **weren't**_ **doing..."**

**Sarge: "Ah, forget it. Come on, help me push this thing in the sunlight. One, two, three!"**

**Sarge and Simmons push the jeep, Grif faces the other way and does fuck-all**

**Simmons: "Hurrrr..."**

**Sarge: "Hurrrrniaaa."**

"Didn't dad get a hernia?" Ruby asked.

"Yeah but that's because he was being an idiot." Yang said.

Ruby laughed and Yang joined in a second later.

**Grif: "Hurr. Man this thing weighs a ton. Holy crap.** _**Wowzers** _ **."**

"He is really bad at faking." Blake said.

"Have you had to fake it before?" Yang asked with a huge grin on her face.

Blake sigh, "No I have not had to fake it before."

"Ohhh so does that mean you've had the real thing?" Yang said happily as Blake had fallen into her trap.

"Is this a sex thing?" Ruby whisper asked Jaune.

"I think so." Jaune said blushing.

"That's none of your business!" Blake said blushing furiously. _No._

Yang burst out laughing, she almost couldn't breathe.

**Simmons: "Dumbass."**

**Grif: "Oh right."**

**They all push it in to the sun**

**Sarge: "Hurrrr."**

**Grif: "Stupid jeep."**

**Sarge: "Grif, what happened to this fender?"**

**Grif: "It was like that when we took it out!"**

Yang sighed at the poor treatment of their vehicle.

**Sarge: "And where's the hubcap?"**

**Grif: "Man, this neighborhood's really going to crap."**

**Sarge: "I gotta buy those in sets of four, numbnuts."**

**Simmons: "The jeep's getting power."**

**The jeep gets power, just like Simmons predicted, and that same stupid song starts playing**

"Cool callback." Jaune commented.

**Sarge: "Turn that crap off."**

**Music stops, radio sounds are heard**

**Tex: "(over the radio) Come in, does anyone hear me? Over."**

"Tex?" Ruby asked.

"Sounds like her, well it sounds like Ms Goodwitch but." Yang said shrugging.

**Sarge: "What the, who's that?"**

**Tex: "This is freelancer Tex, looking for anyone from the Blood Gulch Outposts, do you read. Over."**

**Grif: "It's that mean chick from the blue team."**

**Simmons: "Hang up on her."**

"Why would they do that?" Nora asked.

"She did throw a grenade on their teammates head, and beat them up." Pyrrha said.

"Which was awesome." Yang said.

**Sarge: "Good idea."**

**Tex: "I have found O'Malley's base. I repeat, I have found O'Malley's base."**

**Sarge: "O'** _**Mal** _ **ley? Son of a-"**

**Simmons: "Where is she?"**

**Tex: "They seem to be holed up in some kind of a fortress. I'm not sure how I got here or how they built it, but if you can read this, I need you to get to me as fast as you can."**

"She can probably attack the base alone and win." Weiss said.

"She's a badass." Yang said.

**Grif and Simmons talk over her transmission**

**Grif: "Maybe we could use the radio to triangulate her position."**

**Simmons: "How? We only have one radio. We would need a third point to triangulate."**

"Here comes some bad science." Jaune commented.

**Grif: "Okay, well let's just pick a point between her and us."**

**Simmons: "What? That's not a triangle you idiot, that's a line!"**

**Grif: "Right, a line that we'll follow straight to Tex! It's the perfect mathematical plan!"**

Ren sighed at the bad math predicted by Jaune.

**Simmons: "Hey Grif, why don't you just stick to criticizing other people's ideas, instead of coming up with your own."**

**Grif: "It** _ **does**_ **seem to be my talent."**

 **Sarge: "I could simulate a** _ **third**_ **radio by using some of this sand, and the heat from the jeep's tailpipe to make an enormous refractory lens. And then-"**

"Could that work?" Nora asked. "That sounds amazing!"

**Grif: "Or we could just listen to the coordinates she's sending."**

**Tex: "My coordinates are two two niner delta, by one point three seven gamma."**

"Even after all of Winter's lectures I still don't understand military coordinates." Weiss said.

**They talk over her again**

**Simmons: "Uh yeah, we could do that too. ...What's wrong Sarge?"**

**Sarge: "(sigh) Nothing."**

**Simmons: "You really wanted to make the lens, didn't you."**

"It would be cool." Nora huffed.

**Sarge: "You're damn right!"**

**Simmons: "Well we can make it later, when we have more time."**

**Sarge: "Awwww, don't patronize me."**

**Tex: "I need you guys to come right away. Or better yet, send someone who can fight"**

**The screen faded to black.**

"Start the next one, I want to see what else they say." Weiss said.

* * *

**Also wanted to give my opinion on ships because that guest reviewer bitched about Arkos again.(thank you for the review kind sir ;)**

**I like Arkos because it was built up and had a great payoff.**

**I kind of like WhiteRose because it is being built up slightly, but if they do have Weiss be a lesbian then spend a long time showing her dad getting pissed being a major plot point I will hate it. Because in the world of RWBY lesbians and gays are not hated or oppressed in any way shape or form. And her father caring would not make sense and only serve to remind everyone that RT is progressive.** **Bumblebee was done terribly after season 3.**

**I hate all of Blakes love Pentagon BS. "Blake x Adam or Sun or Yang or Ilia."**

**That being said I would rather ships be an offhand thing and not a major plot point ever. Ships get annoying sometimes and fuck with the plot if not done right. Yang x Blake and the Blake x Adam ship was not done right and ruined the third act of season 6 for me. (Especially the damned "i'm not going to break my promise I swear" line from Blake after she killed Adam her ex boyfriend/friend/mentor/etc) I do like The Ilia plotline and reveal though.**

**Anyway my opinion doesn't matter in the end I am not trying to change your opinion and I am not attacking you, please review and I hope you enjoy the chapter. I'd love to hear your opinion on ships and RvB in my Pm's or reviews.**


	47. S3E47 It's a Biological Fact

**Author's Note:**

**Remember I do take your suggestions into consideration so please make any you think of.**

**Also I love how I have viewers from other countries, especially my fellow Comrades from Russia. The soviet union may be gone but together we can have the Soviet ReUnion. Long live mother Russia!**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 47- It's a Biological Fact**

" **It's a Biological Fact" appeared on the screen with the theme music.**

The usual five hummed the theme and surprisingly, Weiss joined in.

"Wow Weiss, you are in a really good mood." Yang said.

Weiss had a huge grin on her face. "Solar energy, it's just amazing I- it's-"

"It's revolutionary." Ren finished for her.

"Exactly." Weiss said.

**Fade in on the Boys and Tex outside O'malley's base near the warthog**

**Tex: "What took you guys so long to get here?"**

**Simmons: "There's six of us, and this is only a three seater jeep. Half of us had to sit on someone else's lap."**

"I once had to Drive my Bumblebee with two people trying to hold on." Yang commented.

"How does that work?" Pyrrha asked.

"Not well." Yang joked.

 **Donut: "It was a** _ **great**_ **road trip. My favourite part was when Grif tried to change gears, and he accidentally-"**

Yang and Nora got the joke and laughed.

 **Grif: "Hugh, please, let's** _ **not**_ **tell the story. Is there somewhere I can wash my hands?"**

**Sarge: "What'd you find, Tex?"**

**Tex: "Well, O'Malley's holed up in his fortress. He's been fortifying his defenses for a few days now, and he's got some help, one of those religious nuts you guys picked up."**

"What should we call him? He has no name." Jaune asked.

"Fanatic?" Weiss suggested.

"Yeah, that sounds good." Ruby said.

**Caboose: "Oh, I like them. They were funny."**

"Me too." Ruby smiled. Nora agreed.

**Tucker: "Caboose, they tried to kill you because of a** _**flag** _ **."**

"Oh yeah..." Ruby said.

**Caboose: "I try not to remember the bad things about people."**

"That's a great way of thinking." Ruby commented.

"Better to forgive than forget." Pyrrha added.

 **Tucker: "That's** _ **all**_ **they tried to do, there** _ **were**_ **no good things."**

**Caboose: "That's okay. I have a really bad memory-wow look, a beach!"**

**Sarge: "Shut up Caboose. What's yer plan, Tex?"**

**As Tex explains her plan, we see a nice, majestic, panoramic view of O'Malley's base, like it's a movie or something**

**Tex: "Well first we have to breach the outer wall."**

**Caboose: "Oh. I love breaching!"**

"Me too!" Nora said loudly.

**Tex: "Then, we have to get past another wall."**

**Grif: "Two walls? Some people are so materialistic."**

"It's a defensive measure." Weiss commented. "Most kingdoms have multiple walls."

**Tex: "The second wall has a guard tower, and an enormous razor-sharp spinning blade."**

**Simmons: "What** _ **that**_ **thing? It's spinning like two miles an hour."**

"Razor sharp? It looks so wide, too wide to be sharp."Blake pointed out.

**Tex: "I didn't say it'd be hard to get past. After that, we have to pass the gun turrets, and break in to the building."**

**Sarge: "And then we attack O'Malley."**

"Sounds like a good plan but how would you do it?" Ruby asked Jaune the strategist.

"Hmm, well for my team I would first send Ren over the wall to scout our a good spot to land." Jaune said.

"I would send Blake." Ruby said.

Jaune nodded. "Then I would climb over with everyone else and run past the hidden blade still hidden."

"I would climb on top of the spinning blade." Ruby said.

"Cool idea but less sneaky." Jaune commented. "After that I would have Pyrrha and Ren take out the turrets while Nora causes a distraction. Then find O'Malley."

"I would do pretty much the same thing except I would be up high with my sniper and I would knock out O'Malley so I didn't hurt Doc." Ruby explained.

Jaune nodded, it was clear why the two were team leaders. Both were gifted strategists, Ruby more so with luck but Jaune always had a plan to make up for his lack of skill.

**Tex: "No. That's when we plant, this."**

**Tex gestures to Andy the Bomb who has not yet spoken a line.**

"A bomb?" Ruby asked.

Blake sighed, remembering doing things like this for the White Fang.

**Caboose: "...We're planting a volleyball."**

**Tex: "It's not a ball, it's a bomb."**

**Caboose: "We're planting a volleybomb?"**

**Tex: "I've scouted a location inside the base where we can set it off and take the whole place down. I marked the spot with a big X."**

"Wait what?" Blake said confused.

"What?" Nora asked.

"She got past everything and didn't place the bomb?" Blake said confused.

**Tucker: "You scouted it."**

**Tex: "Yeah."**

"Sounds like Tucker is thinking the same thing Blake." Yang said.

 **Tucker: "If you got past the two walls, the huge spinning blade, the gun turrets, and made it all the way in to the fortress, why didn't you just plant the bomb** _ **then**_ **instead of putting a big X on the floor?"**

**Tex: "...I can't carry it."**

"What? I thought she was strong?" Ruby said.

"Yeah me too." Yang said disappointed.

"I doubt any of them are stronger than her." Weiss said.

"I have to agree." Blake said.

**Grif: "What?"**

**Simmons: "What was that?"**

**Tex: "It's too heavy, okay? You happy?"**

**Grif: "Yeah kinda."**

**Tex: "I need one of you** _ **idiots**_ **to carry it. I don't have the upper body strength to move it on my own."**

"Maybe she needs two of them to carry it." Jaune said.

**Grif: "See, girls act like they're so tough, but the first time they need someone to move a couch, who do they call."**

Yang, Blake, and Weiss groaned.

"Really? He sounds like an idiot I once knew." Yang commented.

**Tex: "..."**

**Grif: "Please don't kill me."**

"His exact words after I got angry at him and moved the heavy boxes myself. Basically he tried showing me up in strength to prove his manliness." Yang chuckled.

Ruby sighed, "You one upped him right?"

"Of course."

**Sarge: "(walking to the volleybomb) Ahh, go ahead and kill him. We could use the armor for spare parts. Here, this thing doesn't look so heavy, let me t-yooo that thing ain't movin'!"**

**Caboose: "I can carry it."**

**Tex: "I guarantee you'll need two people."**

"See?" Jaune said when he saw that he was right.

**Tucker: "No it's true, he's got crazy strength. Church and I think it's God's way of compensating."**

"What?" Nora asked.

"I think they mean his strength makes up for his lack of intelligence." Pyrrha explained trying to be nice.

Jaune sighed thinking of how his brains made up for his lack of strength and skill.

**Caboose: (lifting the bomb) "See..."**

**Sarge: "Great Paul's Bunyan, he's like an ox."**

**Caboose: "But I have no horns... or lumberjack friends."**

Yang sighed but said nothing.

**Grif: "Come on, no way it can be that bad. Let me give it a-"**

**Caboose hands over the bomb to Grif, who promptly drops it, making the screen shake**

**Grif: "Wheaugh! Hugh. Okay, you can carry it."**

**Sarge: "Alright, then we'll storm in there, blow up O'Malley, leave Grif for dead, and maybe find some clues about what happened to Church and Lopez."**

Yang, Jaune, and Weiss laughed at Sarge's plan.

**Tex: "You mean your robot? He's in there with him."**

**Sarge: "Lopez is in the building?"**

**Cut to the Lopez head and Doc/O'Malley/Baron Von Evil Satan**

**Lopez: "Ese persona rojo está comenzados a conseguir a mi nervios."**

**Caption: That red guy is really starting to get on my nerves.**

"Same here." Weiss and Blake said.

**Doc: "He keeps asking me if I've accepted the flag as my saviour. I'm just not comfortable talking about religion in the workplace."**

"Has anyone ever met someone religious?" Yang asked.

"Once, in a village." Ren said.

"Oh yeah, I remember her." Nora said.

"Not many are religious outside the kingdoms and even less are in the kingdoms." Ren explained.

**O'Malley: "Oh no, here he comes."**

**Red Zealot: "Master, Headmaster, I have finished the duties you assigned me."**

Yang started snickering at the pun as her teammates groaned.

"I love this show! It has so many puns!" Yang said happily.

Ruby groaned again but louder.

**O'Malley: "You polished all the curtains?"**

**Red Zealot: "Yes! And the ammunition too! It was like cleaning the impurities from my very essence!"**

**O'Malley: "What about the** _**evil windmill** _ **?"**

**Red Zealot: "I greased the engine and filled it with gas. It was like giving my own soul a tune-up!"**

"Well at least he's useful." Weiss said.

"He seems to be finding enjoyment in his work." Pyrrha added.

**O'Malley: "Yes yes, alright fine. Why don't you see about patching up some of these holes in the walls. I think there's some sinister spackle in the toolshed."**

**Red Zealot: "Excellent idea, Sir. It will probably help keep out that crowd of people that's been gathering on the beach."**

"He noticed? Uh oh." Yang said.

"The plan is going to fall apart." Jaune said.

"I think we all knew that." Weiss said.

**O'Malley: "Yes of course, all the people on the beach, blah blah blah blah blah. Wait. What did he say?"**

**Cut back to Tex and everyone else, with Donut fucking around in the jeep**

**Tex: "Wait let me get this straight. The biggest threat we know of is in that building, and you don't want me to blow it up?"**

"Huh?" Ruby said.

**Simmons: "We can't, we need Lopez's head. It has valuable information stored in it."**

**Tex: "Sorry, I'm going with the bomb. But hey, here's an idea, maybe you could find your buddy's head in the rubble when we're done."**

"Yeah that could work." Yang commented.

"What if it gets destroyed?" Weiss asked.

"I'm sure if they can survive an explosion like they did before, the bomb will be nothing compared to it." Yang said.

"I still can't believe how strong that explosion was." Nora said. "Atlas dust bombs are jokes compared to that."

**Grif: "Come on, we can't lift a bomb but we can dig through rubble?"**

"Thats true." Jaune said.

**Tex: "Sorry, but there is no way I'm letting O'Malley get away this time."**

**Tucker: "Just** _**hire her** _ **."**

**Grif: "What?"**

**Tucker: "Hire her to help you get Lopez back. She'll do** _ **anything**_ **for money."**

"I doubt she'd do anything." Blake said.

**Tex: "That's not true."**

**Tucker: "It's not? I'll give you ten bucks to tear off Grif's arm."**

**Tex: "Which one's Grif?"**

Yang and the others laughed but Yang laughed the hardest. Out of everyone she seemed to like the show best.

 **Tucker: "See, she's not even really** _ **on**_ **the Blue Team. She was just paid to come help us."**

**Grif: "(pointing at Simmons) He's Grif."**

"Wow, throwing Simmons under the bus." Ruby said laughing.

 **Simmons: "How do we pay her, we don't even have any money. We don't even know what money** _ **is**_ **in the future."**

**Grif: "Yeah, they could have shells, or laser beams for currency."**

"That would be cool!" Nora said.

**Simmons: "Laser beams."**

**Grif: "Hyeah. That would be the coolest wallet ever."**

**Tucker: "Why don't you trade her a favour?"**

**Grif: "Huh?"**

**Tucker: "Have her do** _ **this**_ **for you, and then you guys owe her a favour. That's how these freelancers get stuff done, right?"**

"That's how things worked before money." Ren said.

"I'm glad someone understands professor Oobleck's fast talking." Yang said annoyed.

"I can always help." Weiss offered.

Yang chuckled to herself. "You leaving your papers out helps plenty." Yang mumbled under her breath.

**Tex: "That'll work. I'll help you, and then the two of you have to do something for me."**

**Simmons: "Okay, we'll do it."**

**Grif: "Wait just a second. What would we have to do..."**

"Smart." Pyrrha commented.

"Never agree to an unknown." Blake lectured.

**Tex: "It all depends."**

**Grif: "Depends on what."**

**Tex: "Onnn, what I need. To do some future job."**

**Grif: "But, it could be anything."**

**Tex: "That's right, anything."**

"Hmm, it would probably be to act as a decoy or something." Jaune said.

Yang laughed at that.

**Grif: "... ... ...Like gay stuff?"**

"Of course not!" Weiss yelled.

**Tex: "I have no idea."**

**Grif: "Well can we rule out the gay stuff?"**

**Donut: "Hey, how come I never get to help?"**

Everyone laughed at that.

**Cut to Caboose holding the bomb in front of Sarge, for no particular reason**

**Sarge: "No, no, what're you doin'? Don't lift with your legs, your back's the strongest muscle in your body. And look man, your knees aren't even locked, how do you expect to stand up straight? Come on, put your** _ **groin**_ **in to it. And stop exhaling on every lift. The goal is to hold your breath as long as possible. Under stress, the body produces all the oxygen it needs. Herrrr. Groin it out."**

"Worst. Advice. Ever. Of all time." Yang said.

"My back hurts just thinking about it." Nora said.

**Caboose: "Can't I just pick this up when we are ready to go?"**

**Sarge: "Yeah, I guess that makes sense."**

**Caboose drops the bomb, and the screen shakes**

**Caboose: "Ahhhh..."**

**Tex: "Okay, we're ready to go!"**

**Caboose: "Crap"**

**The screen cut to black.**

Everyone laughed again.

"Play the next one, I'm loving this show. I can't believe we're already in season 3." Pyrrha said.

"Time flies." Weiss shrugged.

* * *

**My pm's are open to**

**-Suggestions for this FanFiction**

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**-Reviews**

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**-Thanks!**

**I am so unbelievably happy that my story now has(Drum roll please) 100,00 views! I can't believe how much support I've gotten and just wow, I can't wait to see what happens when I get to season 13. The final episode is just going to be, wow. I want the ending to be good so I might not have them react in any way at all to seasons 15 and 16. Because those two ruined the show for me. Thank you for all the love and support and I hope you stick with me all the way!**

**Edit: Wow, the 100,000 view milestone. Now at 1,000,000. Love all of you!**


	48. S3E48 Heavy Metal

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 48- Heavy Metal**

" **Heavy Metal" appeared on the screen with the theme music.**

"I don't like Heavy metal." Ruby commented.

"Me neither." Jaune said.

"I can't stand the one guy screaming over the sound of the music." Yang added.

"It sounds ridiculous." Weiss said.

"Some Heavy metal is good but if they have that one guy screaming it's terrible." Blake said.

"I didn't think you would like heavy metal." Yang said.

"I don't, I just listened to all kinds of music to find what I liked." Blake explained.

"I thought the screaming was only for death metal?" Nora asked. "Is it Ren?"

"I don't know, rock is my least favorite kind of music." Ren explained.

"It's the best kind." Yang said. "Besides dubstep."

**Sarge talking to various dirtbags**

**Sarge: "Okay, listen up dirtbags. If we're gonna invade this fortress, we need a good gameplan. I have got two options we can use."**

"I wonder if his plans are as good as ours." Ruby said to Jaune.

"Maybe, I wonder if he thought of things we didn't even consider." Jaune said.

**Cut to a black and white re-enactment of Sarge's plan**

**Sarge: "Number one, we all run** _ **straight at the base**_ **in a single file line,** _ **screaming**_ **at the top of our lungs. The enemy will be so flabberghasted, by the time they have a chance to regroup, we'll already be inside."**

"Well we definitely didn't think of that." Ruby said laughing.

"That plan would be terrible" Jaune said laughing with the others. "They would be shot at immediately."

**Cut back to Sarge and the dirtbags**

**Tucker: "Oh yeah right, they're not gonna get surprised, they're just gonna start mowing us down."**

"See?" Jaune said.

**Sarge: "That's the inherent beauty of the single file line. They can only kill the person in front. So if we order from least important to most important, with Tucker being in the front and me being in the back, then we** _**just might make it through** _ **."**

"I'm surprised Grif isn't first." Yang said.

"Me too, Sarge hates Grif." Weiss added.

**Simmons: "Don't you think Caboose should be in the back, since he's the one carrying the bomb?"**

"That's true." Blake said.

"Sarge probably put himself in the back to save himself." Ren said.

**Sarge: "Nope, Caboose is in front of me. We need someone in back who can objectively evaluate how the plan is working."**

"No matter what it would work terribly." Weiss chuckled.

**Tucker: "How're you gonna know if it's not working?"**

**Sarge: "If Caboose dies, I'll know we're in trouble, and** _**immediately abort** _ **."**

"He'll be the only one left." Pyrrha said.

**Caboose: (holding the bomb) "I think that's a good plan."**

**Grif: "Sarge, while that's the most retarded idea I've ever heard, I just wanted to thank you for not putting me in front of the line."**

Nora, Jaune, and Yang snickered.

"Oh here we go." Weiss said smiling.

**Sarge: "Don't get misty, Francine. We'll have already killed you and used your corpse to jam up the windmill."**

**Cut to a black and white re-enactment of Grif's lifeless corpse riding up on the windmill**

**Grif's lifeless corpse: "Bleah!"**

"It's working perfectly!" Yang said sarcastically.

**Cut back to Sarge addressing the audience**

**Sarge: "I think we can all agree given our current situation, it's the perfect plan."**

**Everyone: "..."**

**Sarge: "Okay, well let me tell you about my other plan. Using parts from the Warthog-"**

**Grif: (to Tex) "I'm** _ **hoping**_ **you've got a better idea."**

"Tex is awesome! I bet she'll have a good plan." Nora said.

**Sarge: (under Grif's line) "we build what I like to call "The Grif Cannon.""**

"Ren! It's like my plan, the Nora Canon!" Nora shouted happily.

Ren groaned.

"What plan is this?" Jaune asked.

"You charge me up with electricity and then launch me straight at the enemy!" Nora shouted with an evil grin.

Jaune thought about it for a moment.

"That could actually work." Jaune said surprised.

**Grif: "Hoh man..."**

**Sarge: "Utilizing the power of the Grif Cannon, we make a Grif-sized hole in the outer wall. ...Or we paint it a very disgusting color."**

"I suspect this plan is to just get rid of Grif." Blake said.

Yang laughed. "I think you're right"

**Cut to O'Malley ranting about something**

**O'Malley: "Hahaha, fools. They don't stand a** _ **chance**_ **against us, hahaha. Do they men."**

**Lopez: "No. Los macho comer os."**

**Caption: No. We will crush them.**

**Red Zealot: "The Flag is on our side. We will be victorious!"**

"Do they even have a flag?" Ruby asked.

 **O'Malley: "Stupendous! To your battle stations, on to crushing victory! The fools don't stand a** _ **chance**_ **against our might! Muahahaa."**

**Red Zealot and Lopez: "..."**

**O'Malley: "What're you still doing there?"**

"Well Lopez can't walk." Nora answered for O'Malley.

**Red Zealot: "I forget. Which battle station is mine? I'm still learning my way around the fortress."**

**Lopez: "Necesito a llega mí llevo. No tengo ningún torso."**

**Caption: I need someone to carry me. I have no torso.**

**Cut to Sarge on a ramp, talking over radio sounds for a bit**

**Sarge: "Okay, is everyone ready? Donut, Caboose and I will move the bomb down the staircase and along the left side of the base."**

"Are they on the first wall?" Ruby asked.

"Yeah looks like it." Jaune answered.

**Caboose: (holding the bomb and talking as if he's in labor) "Please hurry, I don't know how much longer I can talk like this."**

**Donut: "Man that does look heavy. You really should consider wearing some kind of supportive undergarment."**

"How would that help?" Ruby asked.

"Oh supportive undergarments help plenty." Yang said proud of her quick wit for great/annoying jokes.

Blake, Pyrrha, And Nora silently agreed.

Ruby and Weiss groaned for...slightly obvious reason.

"That's not what I meant!" Ruby said angrily.

Jaune sighed, growing used to Yang's sense of humor but he still couldn't resist the blush. Ren of course knew how to keep a straight face.

**Caboose: "U-no thanks. I can do it."**

**Donut: "Come on now, don't be shy. You can borrow one of mine! I'm thinking something with lace. Lace is totally in right now!"**

"Blake certainly thinks so." Yang said looking at her outfit.

"It looks great!" Nora added.

Blake smiled lightly. "Thanks Nora."

**Cut to a random sniper rifle**

**Tucker: "Ooh, sniper rifle!"**

**Tex: (taking it) "I got it."**

**Tucker: "** _**Fuck** _ **."**

Everyone chuckled.

"I wonder if he got a sniper rifle if he'd be better than Church." Ruby said.

"Dad was always terrible with long range stuff." Yang commented.

"Oh yeah, I keep forgetting he sounds like your dad." Jaune said.

"That's because you've never met him." Yang said.

"I still barely hear Doctor Oobleck in Caboose, but I do hear Professor Goodwitch in Tex clearly." Weiss said.

"It's weird right?" Nora asked. "And super cool!"

"Yeah." Jaune agreed.

**Cut to Simmons and Grif doing something**

**Simmons: "Copy that Sarge."**

**Sarge: "Simmons, you and the two bullet magnets move up the right side and try to cause some kind of distraction."**

"What a great leader calling his troops bullet magnets." Weiss said sarcastically.

Yang and Nora were too busy laughing to notice her comment.

**Simmons: "Any suggestions?"**

**Sarge: "As long as it draws their fire away from us and towards you** _**I don't care** _ **."**

"His plans always consist of bullet magnets." Blake commented.

**Donut: "Try some dance moves! Oh! You could do a musical number!"**

**Sarge: "Get off the radio, Donut!"**

**Simmons: "Alright, looks like we're on our own guys. Tex, how does it look from up there?"**

**Pans up to Tex who's actually in a reasonable tactical position**

"She's the only one who is actually good at being a soldier." Blake commented.

"I think the others could do well in time." Pyrrha said.

**Tex: "I don't see any movement... but the guns are definitely online."**

**Tucker: "You know what, I miss the old days, when we** _ **didn't**_ **risk our lives, and you guys were all just a bunch of nameless assholes I would yell at with Church."**

"Awee that's sweet." Yang commented.

"It reminds me of the first episodes." Jaune said.

"I know!" Ruby added.

**Grif: "It's okay.** _**We hate you too man** _ **."**

**Sarge: "Okay, let's move out!"**

**Cut to O'Malley looking down on them from his high vantage point in the fortress of EVIL!**

**O'Malley: "Huhah, here they come. Get ready."**

"Uh oh." Jaune said. "They're gonna get on the turrets."

**Cut to The Red Zealot taking up one of the turrets**

**Red Zealot: "Prepare to be cleansed, infidels!"**

**Cut to Lopez's head on the other turret**

**Lopez: "No los dejarán cruzar la frontera."**

**Caption: I will not let them cross the border.**

"I feel like there's a joke there we don't understand." Yang said.

"Yeah me too." Jaune said.

"How is he going to shoot?" Weiss asked.

"Maybe the helmet is connected to the gun." Ruby suggested. "That would be cool!"

**Cut to Simmons and the bullet magnets.**

**Simmons: "Alright, so far so good. Sarge, we are in position."**

**Cut to Sarge in front of a sign that says Camp Froman**

**Sarge: "Roger that. We are also in position. No sign of the enemy."**

**Donut: "Mahan, this is the easiest fortress invading mission, of all time."**

"Is that really surprising?" Weiss asked.

"Yeah I agree, Tex alone could have taken out O'Malley with or without a bomb." Blake said.

**Caboose: "Maybe for you, this thing is heavy, for me." (drops the bomb)**

**Caboose drops the enormously heavy bomb, drawing the Red Zealot's attention**

Blake Cringed, she had been on enough stealth missions to work up that habit.

**Sarge: "Careful with that thing, Caboose!"**

**Donut: "Uh... Sarge?"**

**Sarge: "You could blow us all to smithereens!"**

**Donut: "Sarge, I'm pretty sure that guy up there with the gun, sees us."**

"Yeah he does." Ruby said.

**Sarge: "You wanna blow people to smithereens, at least make sure Grif is nearby."**

**Donut: "Duck!"**

**Red Zealot opens fire**

"Wow he sucks at aiming." Yang commented.

**Sarge: "What the?"**

**Caboose: "A duck? Where? I love ducks."**

Pyrrha laughed. "I'm really starting to like Caboose."

**Sarge: "Get down, idiot."**

**Cut to Lopez somehow firing on the bullet magnets**

"I think you were right Ruby." Yang said.

**Grif: "We're under fire, Sarge we're under fire!"**

**Sarge: "Good! Now jump up and draw them off."**

"Bad idea." Ruby said.

**Tucker: "What'd he say?"**

**Grif: "He was breaking up. I think he said something about staying here, and not doing anything risky."**

"Good idea." Jaune said laughing with Ruby.

**Simmons: "Tex, see what you can do about that gun!"**

**Tex: "You got it."**

**Tex shoots the Lopez head off his gun**

**Tex: "Hyeah,** _**headshot!"** _

Yang started laughing at the slight pun.

Her teammates groaned yet again.

This time Jaune and Nora joined in.

"Come on it's funny!" Yang argued.

"I admit, these puns are way better than yours." Blake said with a grin.

Weiss and Ruby laughed at Blakes joke while Yang glared at her in mock anger.

**Grif: "Nice shooting, Tex."**

**Simmons: "Tucker. You and Tex head up across that bridge. Try to take out that other turret. We'll head in to the base and see if we can find O'Malley."**

**Tucker: "Why do I have to go up against a machine gun, and you guys get to go play hide and seek?"**

"I love that game!" Nora yelled.

"Yeah! Yang is terrible at it!" Ruby said laughing.

"Awwe! Ren's too good." Nora said slightly disappointed.

"I'm great at Hide and seek!" Yang shouted angrily.

"Every time we played outside you knocked trees down until you found me! That's cheating!" Ruby said.

"No it's called strategy!" Yang defended.

Nora sighed. "Ren just meditates for a few minutes then gets up and finds me."

"I'm sensing your Aura and listening for your breathing." Ren said.

"Then maybe next time I will just hold my breath!" Nora said happily thinking of her plan.

Ren sighed but smiled at Nora.

 **Simmons: "The guy we're** _ **seeking**_ **has a rocket launcher."**

Jaune laughed hard.

"What would you rather do?" Jaune asked after composing himself. "Look for a guy with a rocket launcher or go up against a machine gun?"

"Play hide and explode!" Nora shouted.

"Machine gun." Pyrrha answered. "I can use my semblance and jam the Turret."

"Can't you just stop the bullets?" Nora asked.

"No, I need to train with my semblance more though, that could be a goal of mine!" Pyrrha said happily.

"How would you train for that?" Jaune asked. "I don't think shooting at you would be a good idea."

Yang laughed at Jaunes unintended joke.

**Tucker: "Oh, right. Uh, have fun doing that."**

**Cut to Sarge and co.**

**Sarge: "Caboose, we'll hold them off from up here. You take the bomb and try to sneak in the front of the base."**

"Actually an ok plan." Jaune said.

**Caboose: "Okay."**

**Donut: "Wow, Sarge. You actually decided to sacrifice yourself for someone else!"**

"I knew Sarge would become a better leader." Pyrrha said.

 **Sarge: "Quiet Donut! I'm gonna need your help. When the turrets kill Caboose, I'm gonna need** _ **you**_ **to carry the bomb in to the base."**

Pyrrha sighed while Yang laughed.

**Cut to Tex and Tucker at the big windmill thing**

**Tex: "I can't see him from here. Let's move out."(runs across the fan)**

**Tucker: "Okay, but jus- (falls down behind the fan in the one awesome spot with the sword!) Whoahoa! Ah!"**

"What kind of hole is that? It seems so random." Pyrrha commented.

Blake hummed in agreement suspiciously.

**Tex: "Tucker! Are you okay?"**

**Tucker: "Yeah I'm okay, I dropped down in to some kind of hole. Can you give me a hand?"**

**Tex: "Oh. Let me take out this turret. I'll be back for you later."**

"Mean." Blake commented.

 **Tucker: "What is** _ **that?**_ **Hoaho, what the hell is this?"**

**Cut to Simmons and Grif at the other giant fan thingie**

"Ah what? We don't get to see?" Nora said sadly.

"I know!" Ruby complained.

**Simmons: "Okay Grif, we just need to jump through here."**

**Grif: "Okay, go for it."**

**Simmons: "Me? Why me first?"**

"Why is it a big deal?" Weiss asked.

"Yeah it's moving so slow." Yang said.

**Grif: "Because, I don't wanna die?"**

**Simmons: "But this thing's moving super slow. See?"**

**Ten seconds later the fan blade goes by, complete with huge WHOOSH sound**

Yang, Jaune, and Weiss laughed.

**Grif: "Nice knowing you Simmons."**

**Cut to Sarge**

**Sarge: "No, shoot the guy with the bomb! You're ruining the plan!"**

"Does he really expect the enemy to help with their plan?" Blake asked.

"Looks like it." Jaune said.

"He is right though! He is ruining the plan." Nora said.

**Tex: "I'm pinned down, I need assistance!"**

**Tucker: "(arriving next to the Red Zealot) Hey asshole. (flips out the super badass energy key)**

"Woah!" Everyone said surprised.

"What is that thing?" Ruby asked very interested in the weapon.

"It looks like a sword!" Jaune said amazed.

"It looks awesome!" Yang said.

"Quick! Ruby take a picture with Velvets camera!" Pyrrha said.

"Oh! Good idea!" Ruby said snapping a picture.

"Weiss, do you think Atlas can make a sword like that?" Jaune asked.

"probably, I can ask Winter about it." Weiss said.

"Please do! I would love a sword like that." Jaune said.

**Red Zealot: "Heuh?"**

**Tucker steps forward and slices the Red Zealot in the groin, sending him flying off the base to land on the ground below, on his face, the entire time he was screaming in a really annoying comical voice.**

" **Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!...ugh"**

**Red Zealot: "My quest is over... I can see the flag... It's so, flappy... Hegh-bleahhhh"**

"Even in death he's a fanatic." Blake commented.

"Isn't that the whole point?" Jaune asked. "To believe you'll go somewhere."

Yang laughed. "Yeah."

"I believe we go somewhere or something happens to us other than nothingness." Ren said. "We would have to because of our souls and Aura."

Everyone nodded. "I can see that." Yang said.

**Tex: "Hey, where'd you get that?"**

**Tucker: "I dunno, I found it in the hole. Pretty cool. Look what I can do. (swings it in the air)"**

**Tex: "Hey, you wanna trade it for the sniper rifle?"**

**Tucker: "No thanks, I'm good."**

Everyone chuckled at that. "I wonder if they're going to do a bit where Church begs for the sword and Tucker gets mad at him for never letting him get the sniper." Jaune commented.

"I'm beginning to appreciate the innovative way they made this show." Pyrrha said. "I've been wondering, you three" Pyrrha said gesturing to Ruby, Yang, and Jaune. "What's your favorite video game?"

"Oh outerlands 2 for sure!" Ruby said. "The villain Good looking John made that game"

"Immortal Combat nine" Yang said. "We played that game all the time with Uncle Qrow! My favorite character was the Vale Police Force guy who got burned, he had the uhh Hook Scythe Sword things uhh Jabal!"

"What are those two games about?" Pyrrha asked.

"Outerlands 2 is about this evil corporation trying to get into a vault that has this massive alien monster in it, there's a lot more to it but its great, its a shooter looter." Ruby explained.

"Immortal Combat is a fighting game its...well I don't know the story that well but its awesome! You have a bunch of different characters who fight each other." Yang explained.

"And yours Jaune?" Pyrrha asked.

"Ninety Nine Days." Jaune said.

"Never heard of it, is it old?" Yang asked.

"Yeah, it wasn't that popular either but it was amazing, it kind of became a cult classic game. It's about this war between Humans and some other race, they're fighting over two orbs, one of Light one of Darkness. Honestly the story is pretty minimum as if it wasn't fully finished but the game feels like it's so much deeper because of the amazing soundtrack." Jaune explained.

"That's interesting." Pyrrha said. "I want to try getting into video games."

"Oh you should! I can show you how to play the game, I always played as the blue knight, he was awesome most people didn't like him but I always thought he was the best character." Jaune explained.

"I look forward to it." Pyrrha said. "After this can you two also show me your games?"

"Sure." Ruby and Yang said.

**Cut to Caboose wandering around aimlessly**

**Caboose: "X. I'm looking for an X. That, is a plus sign. Not an X. I need to find an X."**

"That is an X just from another angle!" Weiss said.

**Church: "(from nowhere) Hello? Caboose, is that you? Can you hear me?"**

"What?"

"Huh?"

Everyone mumbled in confusion.

**Caboose: "Church?"**

**Cut to black.**

"Does that mean he's not in the past?" Weiss asked hopefully.

"I don't know." Ren said.

"Play the next one lets see." Pyrrha said.

* * *

— **References—**

**Outerlands 2 = Borderlands 2**

**Immortal Combat 9 = Mortal Kombat 9**

**Ninety Nine days = Ninety Nine Nights**

**Edit: Thought about taking out those references because they're useless and honestly in my opinion cringey. But eh, I remember people liking the references. Besides I've already taken out and replaced so much of my horrible writing. A lot is still left over, not going to do a total rewrite but... man I hate a lot of the OOC stuff I used to write.**


	49. S3E49 Roaming Charges

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 49- Roaming Charges**

" **Roaming Charges" appeared on the screen with a new theme. It was a sort of 8 bit theme of the regular theme but it sounded completely different.**

The usual five started to hum the theme only to hear the different one and look around confused.

"What?" Ruby said simply.

"New theme?" Pyrrha said confused.

"Awww! I liked the old one!" Nora complained.

"Me too." Jaune said.

"I like this one." Yang said.

"Traitor!" Ruby shouted pointing at Yang.

Yang put a hand to her chest and gasped in mock offense.

**Fade in to Church in the past**

"Wow it looks even worse than when the show first started." Weiss commented.

"Why are you complaining?" Yang asked.

"Oh no I'm not complaining. I'm just saying, Ruby didn't you say you thought this was an older game?" Weiss asked.

"Yeah, Ren nicknamed the games Ring because of the big space ring planet they were on." Ruby explained. "We think that's Ring 1, seasons 1 to 2 were Ring 2, and now they're in Ring 3."

Weiss nodded. "I still hope it's not time travel but after the last few episodes, I'll ...tolerate it." Weiss said with difficulty.

"I won't." Blake added.

Yang laughed. "Now Blake's the wet blanket."

Blake groaned. "Time travel, seriously?" Blake complained.

Weiss almost agreed but kept silent.

**Church: "Okay, think Church. The bomb went off, you got knocked out, you woke up, and you were here. Question is, where is here?"**

"Church is one of the most rational people on the show." Pyrrha commented.

"He's my favorite character." Ruby added.

"That's still only because he sounds like dad." Yang said. "I like Tex a lot but I don't like Miss Goodwitch that much."

"Miss Goodwitch is cool." Ruby mumbled remembering her first meeting with her.

**A wall raises, and Church moves past it to Gary/Gamma but Church doesn't know that yet shhhhhhh.**

**Gamma: "hello. you are early."**

"Hhmm?" Ren mumbled curiously.

"He already knows Church?" Nora asked.

**Church: "Me?"**

**Gamma: "you are not supposed to be here for another 1,856 years."**

"1,856..." Ren mumbled.

"Well that confirms the time travel." Blake sighed.

"Does it?" Jaune asked.

"Ohhh! It's like a fairy tale with a great prophecy." Ruby said. "I used to love those stories Yang would read me."

"Aww." Yang cooed. "I loved reading them to you, your favorite was of the Girl trapped in the tower."

"I loved that one too." Pyrrha said.

"My big sister Saphron always read the tale of the two brothers to me." Jaune said. "And I read the tale of the four maidens to my little sisters."

Blake smiled remembering those stories, she used to love them before she became so jaded to the world and switched to more dark and gritty novels...as well as some other more mature books she won't mention.

**Church: "What is this place?"**

**Gamma: "this is the housing facility for the great weapon. i am the keeper of the great weapon. you are the great destroyer. you will demolish this facility, kill me, steal the great weapon, and bring about the great doom for billions of people. ... welcome! how may i be of assistance?"**

Jaune paused the show at Rens signal.

"Ok" Ren said first. "Great weapon..." he mumbled.

"The sword? The one that Tucker found?" Jaune suggested.

"That sounds good." Ren said. "In the last episode when Caboose heard Church he was near a computer. Maybe this is the same one." Ren theorized.

"That sounds right." Pyrrha said.

"The great destroyer..." Ren mumbled. "Hmm..."

"Are we not going to talk about the computer's reaction? He just welcomes him!" Blake said. "Terrible writing."

Weiss really wanted to agree with her but after the Solar energy thing she didn't want to complain.

"Doom for billions of people..." Rwby mumbled. "That's a lot."

"Yeah...how many people live on Remnant?" Jaune asked.

"With the villages always rising and falling it's uncertain." Weiss said. "It's roughly estimated that the entire population including both humans and Faunus is between seven hundred and fifty million to one billion."

Blake sighed. "Including both races, I remember when the population estimates didn't include Faunus's."

"It's good that they changed it." Ruby said trying to lighten the mood.

"It was only done because of the fear the White Fang caused." Blake said angrily.

 **Church: "What're you** _ **talking**_ **about?"**

**Gamma: "your coming has been foretold by the great prophecy."**

Blake groaned at the great prophecy, she thought it was ridiculous storytelling.

Weiss sighed inwardly too.

**Church: "Does your society have any other adjectives besides great?"**

Weiss and Blake both laughed at the joke and remembered why they started liking the show, the clever jokes that came off so naturally.

**Gamma: "the great prophecy warns the great destoyer will be a blue being."**

**Church: "And you think that's me."**

**Gamma: "the blue being will be known as the stupidest life form in the universe."**

Ren thought a bit before a smile came upon his face. He got the joke before it was even said.

**Church: "Wait a second, this destroyer guy. He dresses like me, but he's dumber than anyone else in existence."**

Weiss and Blake started snickering.

**Gamma: "correct."**

**Church: "Oh crap."**

**Text screen: 1,856 years in the future**

**Cut to unarmed Caboose**

**Caboose: "Mister Sargeant! Mister Sargeant! Come quick!"**

Everyone started laughing.

Pyrrha laughed the most, she loved Caboose's innocent nature.

**Sarge: "You'd better have a damn good reason for interrupting our search. Can't you see this is an extremely organized and highly motivated operation!"**

"I doubt that." Weiss said smiling.

**Text screen: 2 minutes before that**

**Cut to Grif and Simmons**

**Grif: "Yeah I'm bored, I wanna stop doing whatever it is I'm pretending to be doing."**

"How I feel in class everyday." Yang said. "I can really relate to Grif."

"That's not a good thing." Weiss said as Blake nodded.

 **Sarge: "You're** _ **supposed**_ **to be helping me look for Lopez, meat sack. You said you saw him up here."**

**Grif: "We saw his head."**

**Sarge: "Just the head?"**

**Grif: "Yeah, it was operating the right turret."**

"Which I'm still confused about." Jaune said.

"Like I said I think Lopez was connected to the turret, probably with a wire or something." Ruby explained.

"That makes sense." Jaune said.

"But when Tex shot his head off there was no wire..." Blake pointed out.

Nora gasped. "What if the shot was so powerful it took the wire with it!"

Ruby sighed. "No I think I was just wrong."

**Sarge: "How was he pullin' the triggers?"**

**Simmons: "He's very determined."**

Yang and Jaune laughed at that.

**Sarge: "You're sure it was Lopez."**

**Grif: "Well, I heard screaming in Spanish, and bullets flying through the air, so either that was Lopez, or this is Mexican New Year."**

"I feel like that's racist." Blake said.

"Me too." Pyrrha said with a frown.

"I'm still curious about this race of Mexicans." Ren mumbled. "What are they? All I know so far is that Mexicans and Latinos are similar or the same thing and they speak Spanish."

"Do you have any theories?" Jaune asked.

"Well, they are likely humanoid and it's likely Mexicans and or Latinos live on the same planet as these humans." Ren explained. "Or maybe they are humans and are just a different ethnicity."

"Why would they discriminate on ethnicity? That's just a Human or Faunus with a different skin color." Ruby asked.

"Ethnicity is also culture." Ren said.

"Does that matter?" Ruby asked seriously.

"No. No it does not." Ren said.

"People will always find something to discriminate, people love feeling powerful." Blake said angrily.

Pyrrha put a hand on her shoulder. "Things will get better, they always do."

Blake smiled.

**Sarge: "Well where's his head now?"**

**Simmons: "I don't know, Tex shot it. Hey, Tex!"**

**Tex: "What?"**

**Simmons: "When you shot Lopez's head, where did it go?"**

"Yeah how did he move?" Ruby asked.

"Maybe O'Malley took him." Yang suggested.

**Tex: "How do I know?"**

**Simmons: "Are you sure you hit it?"**

**Tex: "..."**

"Ohh never insult someones shot if they know what they're doing." Ruby warned.

 **Simmons: "I mean is it** _ **possible**_ **that you missed?"**

**Tex: "..."**

**Simmons: "I mean just this one time, it doesn't say anything about your overall skill level."**

"Simmons is right though." Jaune said.

**Tex: "..."**

**Simmons: "Yeah, she says she doesn't know."**

**Cut to Tucker with his big blue bladey thing, and Donut with his crappy little gun**

**Donut: "Wow, that's sweet! I like the glowing part. Ooh ho, does it make cool noises when you swing it?"**

Ruby and Jaune leaned forward hopefully.

 **Tucker: "I don't think so... no, wait, is "whoosh" a noise? Because if it is then it does, it goes whoosh whoosh, whshsh, whshthsh,** _ **whithishsh, wh-kch, chchchchc, whshsshh, hhshshsh ing, ching, whsch, wheouw.**_ **(swings the blade a couple times, making it whoosh in the air) See?"**

"So. Cool!" Ruby yelled.

"I know! I would love to have on of those!" Jaune said.

"Ruby can you send me the picture of that sword?" Weiss asked. "I can ask Winter about it, maybe Atlas can make a prototype they always love new weapons."

"Sure Weiss." Ruby answered sending her the pictures.

**Donut: "And you found that in a hole?"**

**Tucker: "Yeah dude I was just walking along, following Tex, not really paying attention you know. I fell in some hole. And uh, Tex didn't help me out, she figured she was better off without me, and that's when I found this."**

"I bet I know why he wasn't paying attention." Nora said grinning.

"Because he was staring at Tex's ass?" Yang asked laughing.

"Oh...I thought it was because he was having daydreams like I do!" Nora said loudly.

**Donut: "You know, most people would tell that story in a way that makes it sound a little better."**

**Tucker: "Yeah but, you know, that's not really my style."**

"That's admirable, he doesn't embellish stories." Pyrrha commented.

 **Donut: "Man, I've** _ **never**_ **found something that cool in a hole. And I've explored just about every hole you can think of!"**

**Tucker: "Hey dude, do me a favor and don't talk like that when I'm playing with my thing."**

**Cut to the reds (but not pinky Donut) in a hallway**

**Sarge: "Caboose, what're you yammerin' about? Did you find Lopez?"**

Everyone leaned forward.

**Caboose: "Someone meaner!"**

Everyone chuckled.

"Church isn't that mean." Ruby said.

"Yeah he is." Pyrrha said. "Church and Sarge are very mean to their soldiers."

"Commanding officers have to be...but they are not good commanding officers." Weiss said.

**Sarge: "O'Malley?"**

**Caboose: "** _**Meaner!"** _

**Grif: "You found someone meaner than the guy trying to destroy the universe."**

**Caboose: "Yes!"**

**Church: "(in the console behind a BLue Screen Of Death) Caboose, is that you? Can you hear me?"**

"Hmm?" Ren mumbled.

**Caboose: "See? It's Church. Ahand he's meaner than ever!"**

"How?" Ruby asked.

**Church: "Caboose, is that you? Can you hear me?"**

**Caboose: "Church. I can hear you. Can you hear me."**

**Church: "Caboose, is that you? Can you hear me?"**

"I think it's a recording." Jaune said.

**Caboose: "Church. I can hear you. How are you?"**

"Caboose would never know." Yang said laughing.

**Church: "Caboose, is that you? Can you hear me?"**

**Simmons: "I think it might be a recording."**

"See?" Jaune said.

**Grif: "Quiet, I wanna see how long this lasts."**

"Me too!" Yang said laughing again.

**Caboose: "Church. I can hear you. Do you miss me?"**

**Sarge: "Move over, brainiac, let me see if I can get the rest of this thing to play. (starts fidgeting with the console)"**

**Caboose: "I carried the bomb and found Church. I, am a very important person."**

"Apparently he's the great destroyer." Ruby said.

Blake groaned and Weiss sighed.

**Grif: "Yes we're very impressed..."**

**Sarge: "Hmm. I think I can reroute power from the main coupling to the memory storage compartment. Grif, we may have to use some of your circuitry from your armor's life support system."**

Everyone except Pyrrha and Ruby laughed at the joke.

**Grif: "Or, I could just hit the play button."**

"Grif and Simmons have a lot of common sense that the others don't." Jaune commented.

"So does Church." Yang said.

**Sarge: "Are you sure? I'm already down here."**

**Grif: "I'm sure."**

**Sarge: "I already got the access panel off and everything."**

**Grif: "Pressing play."**

**Sarge: "Alright fine."**

**Church: "Caboose, I know you're there. I'm leaving this message from two thousand years in the past. Whatever you do,** _ **don't, touch, anything.**_ **Apparently you're this culture's version of the apocalypse. You're going to destroy this building, and somehow bring about doom for their entire race."**

"This cultures version of the apocalypse? In this universe apocalypses seem to be a big problem." Ren theorized.

"Yeah they said they have a ton of movies about them too." Jaune said.

**Caboose: "Mmmmmmnooo... that doesn't sound like me. I like people. And buildings also."**

"I think he will somehow accidentally do it." Weiss said.

"Have some faith in him." Pyrrha asked.

"That's going to be a little hard." Weiss said laughing lightly.

**Simmons: "Caboose, what did you do with the bomb you were carrying?"**

**Caboose: "ohhh I put it on the X, like... I was s'posed to."**

"See?" Weiss said.

**Simmons: "Uh oh."**

**Grif: "I think we'd better get outta here."**

**Church: "Whatever you do, don't touch the glowing weapon thing they have stored there."**

"Uh oh." Ruby said.

**Simmons: "Uh oh."**

"Jinx." Yang laughed.

**Church: "And if you do, definitely don't bring it in to the main building."**

**Tucker and Donut walk in, with Tucker brandishing the glowing weapon thing in plain sight**

**Tucker: "What's up, dawgs?"**

Weiss and Blake sighed while the others laughed.

**Church: "Otherwise the whole place is gonna lock down, and you're gonna be trapped."**

**The places starts locking down, trapping them inside**

"Welp everything he says is going to happen." Yang said.

Ren grinned and lightly chuckled.

**Donut: "Automatic garage door, cool!"**

**Caboose: "Would you stop saying bad things that come true! Or... say them ten seconds earlier!"**

Jaune and Ren laughed.

**Radio sounds**

**Sarge: "Tex, this is Sarge. Do not detonate the bomb."**

**Tex: "I don't have a detonator, it's on a timer."**

**Grif: "A countdown timer?"**

"What other timers for bombs are there?" Blake asked.

 **Tex: "No, a countup timer. It goes from one,** _ **to explode.**_ **Of** _ **course**_ **a countdown timer you idiot!"**

"Yep, Tex is still my favorite character." Yang grinned.

"Mine too." Blake added.

**Sarge: "I think we might be in trouble. Ah fudgepumps."**

"Sarge has strange curses." Yang commented.

**Text screen: meanwhile, at a different time**

**Cut to Church in the past**

**Church: "Just don't** _ **touch**_ **anything, don't** _ **look**_ **at anything, don't** _ **breathe**_ **on anything."**

"That didn't work." Jaune laughed.

**Gamma: "message recorded. do you think it will work?"**

**Church: "No. Like you said man, that guy's dumb as a rock! But at least he has some slightly** _ **less**_ **stupid people around him that can kind of help him from time to time."**

"What Church says is so true." Blake said chuckling.

**Text screen: t minus 3 minutes**

**Sarge: "** _**Just three minutes left on the bomb!"** _

**Donut: "** _**Whah! We're all gonna explode and die!"** _

**Grif: "Simmons come over here, help me chew on this wall.** _**We can eat our way out!"** _

"Slightly less stupid people." Blake quoted and laughed.

Yang and Weiss laughed too.

**Text screen: t minus 975,513,603 minutes**

"I wonder if that's right? It doesn't look right." Jaune said.

"It's not." Ren stated.

**Church: "Yeah, on second thought I'd better get back there and handle this personally. Y'know if I could only get back to our old bases, maybe I can change some key events and keep them from getting there. Hey, do you have any way to teleport me to Blood Gulch?"**

"Is he content with waiting over 1000 years?" Weiss asked.

"That would be awful." Ruby commented.

**Gamma: "no. but working at full capacity, I could create a teleporter in approximately 1,000 years."**

Nora gasped. "He made the teleporters!"

Every else was shocked and gasped because Nora was actually right.

"Nora...you're right!" Ren said shocked most of all.

"I am? I am!" Nora said happily.

**Church: "A thousand years, huh? Kind of a long wait. You know any jokes?"**

**Gamma: "did you hear the one about the positronic brain?"**

Yang groaned. "I can't stand not understanding these jokes."

**Church: "Oh yeah, that's the one with the, active matrix and the..."**

**Gamma: "yes. that's it. i just love that one. ha. ha. ha."**

**Church: "Yeah it's funny. It's old, but, yeah it's funny."**

**Gamma: "how about the one with the Jewish sim chip and the Irish expansion slot?"**

"Look a sex joke I don't understand!" Yang complained.

**Church: "Hey come on dude, let's, try to keep it clean."**

**Gamma: "hey. pull my dongle. come on you big baby. just one pull. it won't kill you."**

**cut to black.**

"Well that one I got." Yang chuckled.

"Next one?" Blake asked Jaune.

Jaune hit play.

**—Professor's SS— Not Canon**

"Ozpin? Are you alright?" Glynda asked noticing Ozpin's long face.

Ozpin regained his composure in a second.

"Yes Glynda I'm fine. Just thinking, the bit about the long wait and 1000 years has me thinking on just how old I am." Ozpin explained.

"Ah Age is a terrible thing, but great wisdom comes from it." Bart commented.

"Just be glad you aren't going to be 1000 years old like this poor fellow!" Peter commented and laughed.

Ozpin chuckled at the irony, Glynda glared at Peter and glanced worriedly at Ozpin, she was the only one in the room who knew the truth.

"Yes, living to be over 1000 years old would truly be a hard thing to do." Ozpin said simply. "Well! How about another episode?"

Glynda forgot all her worry at her leader and friend as she groaned.

**—-Criminals SS—- Not Canon**

"Ma'am?" Emerald asked when she saw the face of her Leader.

Cinder sighed. "It's nothing, our leader was asking for a report."

Emerald and Mercury flinched at the mention of their leader. Knowing who and what it meant. Emerald would follow Cinder anywhere and Mercury was happy to follow along as it was a natural path for him. But Salem, Salem still terrified them.

"What did she say when you told her about the show?" Emerald asked.

"She said nothing because I did not inform her, and neither will any of you next time we meet." Cinder said in an ordering voice.

"B- yes ma'am." Emerald said.

"Yes Ma'am." Mercury said at the same time.

"This show is irrelevant to her, and I do not want to waste her time." Cinder explained.

Mercury and Emerald nodded.

"Good, now." Cinder sighed. "Next episode."

* * *

**My pm's are open to**

**-Suggestions for this FanFiction**

**-Requests for any new FanFictions**

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**-Reviews**

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**-Questions, any and all**

**-Thanks!**


	50. S3E50 Silver Linings

**Author's Note:**

**Shoutout to Eclipse Metastar who is doing a Rwby watched Red vs Blue fic too except he has more characters. Also shoutout to Troumvirate, his fics are great.**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 50- Silver Linings**

"Hey Jaune, I just did the math and they were right, 975513603 minutes is 1856 years." Ren explained.

"It looks wrong though doesn't it? Shouldn't it be waaaaaay more minutes." Jaune said.

"I know it's confusing." Ren said.

"Wow...I'm surprised you got a math question wrong." Yang said.

Ren simply kept a straight face and ignored her.

" **Silver Linings" appeared on the screen with the usual theme again.**

"Yay! It's back to the good theme!" Ruby shouted.

"Aww, I liked the other one." Yang complained.

"I think both are great." Pyrrha said.

**Fade in to the bomb, counting down the last few seconds to 2:00**

**Grif: "Howh, just two minutes left."**

"They really aren't trying that hard to escape are they?" Yang said.

"Yeah why don't they just throw the bomb outside the base?" Nora asked.

"Thinking outside the box Nora, I like it." Jaune praised.

Nora beamed. "I always think outside the box!"

Pyrrha, Jaune, and Ren laughed.

 **Sarge: "Men, I don't want this to sound pessimistic, but I'm abso** _ **lute**_ **ly** _ **certain**_ **we're all gonna die!"**

Blake and Weiss laughed at the dark joke.

**Simmons: "I think that that's a totally objective assessment of the situation, sir."**

**Tucker: "(hitting the window shutters with the ultimate weapon) What if we just beat on these window shutters together, we can get 'em open."**

"That base really isn't that secure." Weiss commented.

**Sarge: "No, that would be the coward's way out. Fruitlessly trying to escape instead of accepting your own fate!"**

"Yeah!" Nora agreed.

"What? You would except death even if you could escape?" Pyrrha asked.

"What? Nooooo...I would face the bomb head on! I could survive it! I would knock it out of the world with my hammer." Nora said proudly.

**Tucker: "(jumping up in the now open window) But I can see daylight!"**

**Sarge: "It's true. Only a miracle can save us now."**

"They can save themselves easily." Blake said.

"Never give up, right Ruby?" Pyrrha asked.

"Right!" Ruby said enthusiastically.

"We should call them the optimist twins." Blake whispered to Weiss who laughed.

**Cut to Gamma with Church**

"Church is going to be that miracle." Pyrrha commented.

**Gamma: "teleporter complete. slightly behind schedule."**

**Church: "(with a white beard all the way to Tibet) You know, it might have gone a bit faster if you hadn't spent so much processor time telling knock-knock jokes."**

"Knock Knock?" Yang asked.

Everyone groaned except Nora.

"Who's there?!" Nora asked curiously.

"Dover." Yang said with a grin.

"Dover who?" Nora asked.

Ruby groaned.

"Ben Dover and I'll give you a surprise!" Yang said cackling.

Nora burst out laughing too.

"So childish and immature." Weiss commented.

"I've heard that stupid joke so many times!" Ruby complained. "Yang I hate saying this but please, stick to puns."

Yang laughed.

"Hold on." Ren said. "The beard? He's a ghost how does he have a beard? And does that mean he has waited the 1000 years?"

"Maybe since he went back in time he got his body back!" Nora exclaimed. "Because you know, he died but now that he's in the past he has his body again."

...

"You were right about the teleporter thing last episode but no, that doesn't make sense." Jaune said.

Nora sighed.

"Maybe it's just a joke." Jaune suggested.

**Gamma: "knock knock."**

"The Yang of computers." Weiss commented.

**Church: "Enough. Do you have the coordinates to send me to Blood Gulch or not?"**

**Gamma: "yes. do you have a plan yet?"**

**Church: "I've been standing in this hallway thinking for a thousand years. I've had time."**

"That must have been soooooo borrrrring!" Nora shouted.

"I know! I never thought anything could be more boring than Professor Ports class!" Ruby agreed.

**Gamma: "and?"**

**Church: "Well, the main thing I need to do, is keep myself from dying."**

"All he has to do is disable the tank as soon as the reds get scared off." Blake said.

**Gamma: "thats a given."**

**Church: "And since all our problems stem from O'Malley jumpin' from Tex to Caboose, all I need to do is prevent** _ **her**_ **from dying too."**

"I forgot about O'Malley." Ruby mumbled. "How would he deal with him?"

"Well, he can't have O'Malley staying in Tex so...I don't know." Blake said stumped.

"Maybe he can possess her and Kill O'Malley, and make sure all radios are turned off." Pyrrha suggested.

"That's a good idea Pyrrha but how would he do it?" Yang wondered.

"He could get Tucker to do the song plan again, without lopez it would be a little harder but I'm sure he could think of an annoying song." Jaune said.

"Yeah! And then O'Malley would have no where to go!" Ruby said.

Weiss and Blake laughed.

"What?" Ruby and Jaune asked.

"None of that is going to happen." Blake said laughing.

**Gamma: "because you secretly love her."**

"Secretly? It was obvious." Yang said.

"Even I could tell it was obvious." Jaune said.

Yang and Nora tried not to laugh while Pyrrha just sighed.

Jaune glared at them, ever since the dance he knew Pyrrha likely liked him. That day he realized that he was being an idiot and that it was very obvious Pyrrha had an interest in him. He just didn't know the right way to ask her out. But he would try, and definitely not ask for help from Yang even though she offered.

 **Church: "** _ **Oh don't start that again.**_ **All I need to do is kill that pink guy that sticks the grenade on her."**

**Gamma: "sounds easy."**

"It really should be." Blake commented.

Weiss laughed.

**Church: "Well, I have knowledge of everything that takes place beforehand, so, as long as I don't interfere too much, or get spotted, should be a frigging breeze."**

"That's true, if he changes too many things or gets spotted, things could change so much that he wouldn't know what would happen next." Blake said.

**Gamma: "ready to transport."**

**Church: "Okay, let's do it. Goodbye... computer. Compu- you know what, you'd think I would have come up with a name for you in these thousand years."**

"They must really have not talked that much." Pyrrha commented.

"If I was stuck somewhere for 1000 years I would meditate." Ren commented.

**Gamma: "it's gary. but thanks for asking. see you in a few hundred years."**

"856 years." Ren commented. "So...the timeline is strange. I wonder what the current year was when the others got sent into the future."

"Did it not mention it?" Yang asked.

"No." Ren answered.

**Church with a beard all the way to Tibet teleports away, and is instantly replaced by A Church with no beard to Tibet running up to the same spot**

"Hmm?" Ren mumbled.

"What?" Ruby said surprised.

**Church: "Computer, you've got to send me back!"**

"Is this a new Church?" Nora asked.

"Maybe." Ren said.

"He didn't even remember Gary's name." Pyrrha said ignoring the reveal.

**Gamma: "to blood gulch? you just left."**

**Church: "No no no not to Blood Gulch, to Sidewinder! Man I** _ **totally**_ **screwed everything up!"**

"That's surprising." Weiss said sarcastically laughing.

Blake laughed too, and so did Yang.

**Gamma: "how?"**

**Cut to Blood Gulch, with Sarge constructing Lopez's lower half**

"This must be before the first episode." Ren concluded.

"It's back to Ring 2." Ruby added.

**Grif: "(in the Red Base) Hey Sarge!"**

**Sarge: "What now?"**

**Grif: "Command's on the phone, they want to talk to you about some kind of upcoming delivery!"**

"The Warthog." Yang commented.

 **Sarge: "Dag, nabbit! I'm** _ **never**_ **gonna finish this mechanized robot at this rate! I'll be right there. Now don't you go anywhere Lopez... Hee hee heh heh."**

"It's weird that he's building Lopez like that." Weiss commented. "In Atlas it starts with the endoskeleton, then the frame around it, then the exoskeleton, then the finished armor."

"I don't know if they can show all that in a video game." Yang said.

"I keep forgetting that." Weiss said.

"It's hard for me to not notice." Jaune said.

"Same here." Yang said.

"Me three, probably because we're the only awesome people here who play video games!" Ruby shouted.

"Yeah!" Jaune and Yang shouted in support.

**Future Church arrives next to Lopez after Sarge runs in to the base**

**Future Church: "Ahhh, it's good to be back here. It's been a long t- Ah who'm I kidding, even a thousand years doesn't make this dirthole any more appealing. Oh what the hell, wh, he stuck me at Red Base. It must be** _ **way**_ **before Tex shows up, the robot isn't even done yet. Hurry up and get finished buddy, I'm gonna need that body pretty soon. (looks down) What's that... (sees two switches, one significantly larger than the other, and kicks dirt on the smaller one) You just got an upgrade pal."**

"Looks like Church could have gotten that bigger switch he wanted." Yang said laughing.

Blake, Jaune, and Ren ignored her and stared at the screen. When they saw Church kick dirt into the switch they all got the same idea.

**Church runs off as Sarge returns**

**Sarge: "Oh no, how did all this dirt get in Lopez's switch? It better not short out when I use it. Could take out both the leg motors."**

"Knew it." Jaune said.

"I see where they're going." Blake commented.

"Church is not going to be able to change anything, he's going to cause a lot of problems." Ren added.

"Spoiler! Really?" Yang asked angrily.

"Hey we don't know if we're right!" Jaune said.

"Ren's always right about this stuff!" Nora said angrily. "He can guess the ending to a book from the first page!"

"That's not true." Ren said.

"Oh sorry! The second page!" Nora shot back.

Ren laughed and Nora lightened up immediately.

**Cut to Church running somewhere**

**Future Church: "I wonder just how early I am."**

**Cut to Past Church on Blue Base next to the teleporter.**

**Past Church: "Did they come out!? Tucker!"**

"Oh this is Church and Tucker testing out the teleporter." Jaune said recalling a past episode referencing this.

**Tucker: "(out by the teleporter receptacle in the Gulch in Regulation Blue armor) What!?"**

"Is that Tucker?" Ruby asked.

"Yeah looks like it." Yang said. "Well, sounds like it, he looks like Caboose."

"Maybe this is back when Tucker was a Rookie? Rookies get regulation Blue or Red armor." Ren explained. "Depending on the army.

"The similarities between the two armies is amazing, and it makes so much sense when you think about how Vic is controlling them." Pyrrha commented.

Weiss sighed a little. "Which is why I'm still a little disappointed that entire plot line is gone."

"Same here." Blake said.

**Past Church: "Did it come out the other side!?"**

**Tucker: "Yeah, but they're all black and smoking! Maybe you've got it turned up too high!"**

**Past Church: "What're you talking about, I don't see a knob or anything on this thing. Hey, you think I could throw a grenade through here!?"**

"I remember that too." Jaune commented.

"Oh yeah, Church was trying to get his body back, his body at that time was Lopez right?" Ruby asked.

"Yes." Ren answered.

 **Tucker: "What, that would** _ **never**_ **work!"**

"It did though." Nora commented.

**Agent Florida/Captain Flowers runs out from inside the base in what would soon be Tucker's armor.**

"Wait? I thought Tucker had Blue armor who's this?" Ruby asked.

"New character, I wonder what happened to him." Pyrrha said.

**Agent Florida: "Hey men, sorry to interrupt, would you mind huddling up fellas?"**

**Tucker: "Be right there, Captain Flowers."**

"Captain?" Nora said.

"I thought Church was their sergeant, like how Sarge is the reds sergeant." Ruby said.

"I guess that means something happened to this Captain Flowers and Church was next in line for the position of captain." Ren explained. "That means Blue army has a captain and Red army has a Sergeant."

"In the Atlas military Captains are higher ranked than Sergeants." Weiss added.

 **Agent Florida: "How** _ **are**_ **you adjusting to the climate here on Blood Gulch, Private Church?"**

**Past Church: "Fine. Little warm, but, okay."**

**Agent Florida: "That's great. You have any problems at all, you let me know."**

"He actually seems competent." Weiss said surprised.

"Lets wait a bit, there has to be something wrong with him." Blake said.

**Past Church: "Umm... Okay."**

**Tucker: "What's up Sir?"**

**Agent Florida: "Sir,** _**Tucker** _ **... I told you to call me Captain, or Cappy, er... I don't want silly things like rank to interfere with our team dynamic."**

"Maybe he's too lax." Weiss commented.

"That's not a problem." Yang said.

**Tucker: "You got it, Cappy."**

Weiss laughed to herself. "Sorry I'm just remembering a story Winter told me about a soldier getting punished for not respecting a commanding officer."

**Agent Florida: "I think I'm commanding the finest army, in all of Blood Gulch."**

**Tucker: "Isn't there only one other army, those red guys?"**

**Past Church: "Yeah, you know, the enemy?"**

**Agent Florida: "I'll tell you who your enemy is, gentlemen. Apathy. Passivity.** _**Indifference** _ **. ...And yes, also those red guys."**

"Apathy, Passivity, and Indifference are great enemies of the mind." Ren commented philosophically.

"More topics for the 'philosophical' talk Ren?" Jaune asked.

"Yes, I look forward to seeing you, Blake, and Pyrrha." Ren said.

"Gotta come up with a better name, that's just cringey." Yang cringed.

"Same here." Blake said ignoring Yang.

"I do too." Pyrrha said.

**Past Church: "Yeah I've been thinking about our orders from Command... uh, Cappy. And I gotta tell you, I don't think three guys is enough to stage such an elaborate offensive."**

"It's plenty against them." Blake said smiling.

**Tucker: "I think we should listen to this guy Captain, he seems to know plenty about being offensive."**

**Past Church: "Can it, shitbird."**

Yang and Ruby laughed.

"They're so much like Qrow and Dad!" Yang said.

**Tucker: "See?"**

**Agent Florida: "Men your delightful tomfoolery puts a spring in my step, and a bounce in my britches. If I weren't your commanding officer I'd pick you both up, give you a giant bear hug and make you call me Daddy."**

" _Kinky_ " Yang said in a sultry tone.

"More like Creepy." Nora said.

**Past Church: "Uhm... thank God for the chain of command?"**

Yang and Blake burst out laughing.

**Agent Florida: "Now. I know you're worried about our mission. But I can tell you this. There's nothing, more important to me, than the safety, and well-being, of my men. Or my name, isn't Captain. Butch. Flowers."**

"Butch, Flowers." Ren said as he wrote the name down.

"He's actually a great leader." Weiss said before sighing. "Which explains why he isn't around."

**Tucker: "Does that mean we all get Sniper Rifles?"**

**Agent Florida: "I'm gonna put in an order for yours tomorrow, Private Tucker. But I need to get some shut-eye first."**

"Well Tucker never got his sniper rifle so something happened to Flowers before then." Ren explained.

 **Tucker: "** _ **Awesome.**_ **But it's like three-fifteen in the afternoon."**

**Past Church: "You're forgetting about the time change, Tucker."**

"Time Change? Time can't change?" Nora said confused before gasping. "What if they can change time!"

"They already can apparently because of time travel." Weiss commented.

**Tucker: "Oh yeah, it's like three-eighteen. Why the hell is daylight savings time here only three minutes?"**

"Daylight savings time?" Weiss said.

"Maybe it's to keep people up during the daytime, it gets darker sooner around winter." Ren said.

"Why would they change the whole time for that? Why not just go out thirty minutes earlier or something? They could just change their schedule instead of doing that. It looks like overkill." Jaune said.

"That would be very efficient." Weiss said disagreeing with Jaune. "You can't expect everyone to change their schedule o their own. It could be done for work, Schools, everything." Weiss said.

"I feel bad for the future generations of Atlas." Yang said.

"Why? If lets say, The time changed to be thirty minutes earlier, that would mean you would get thirty minutes of extra sleep." Weiss explained.

Yang gasped. "That's awesome!"

**Agent Florida: "Good question, Private Tucker. It'll have to wait for another day, some of us need our beauty sleep. Not everyone has your striking metrosexual good looks."**

**Tucker: "That's true."**

**Cut to Future Church behind a rock, watching the situation**

**Future Church: "Holy crap, Captain Flowers is still alive. Oh man, I might be able to fix everything at once."**

"So he dies today." Jaune said.

**Cut to Flowers inside Blue Base**

**Agent Florida: "Huh, and now to go to sleep, standing up with my eyes open, as is my custom."**

"Is that possible?" Ruby asked.

"Yes." Ren said gesturing to Nora before shaking her. Her eyes were already open but you could tell she just woke up.

"Huh what? Ah! my eyes!" Nora said blinking rapidly. "That's better."

**Future Church: "Captain Flowers!"**

**Agent Florida: "God, don't sneak up on me like that, can't you see I'm sleeping?"**

"I thought he didn't want to be spotted." Ruby said.

"I suppose it doesn't matter that much." Pyrrha said.

**Future Church: "Sorry Sir, look, I know you probably don't remember me that well."**

**Agent Florida: "Course I remember you Church, I just saw you two minutes ago."**

**Future Church: "Oh right. Yeah, it's uh, it's been longer for me. Anyway, there's no nice way to put this, but you're gonna die of a massive heart attack tonight."**

"Probably from standing up and sleeping, seriously how do you do that Nora?" Yang asked.

Nora just giggled and shrugged.

**Agent Florida: "That doesn't sound like me. I'm a team player."**

**Future Church: "And I can't tell you how I know this, but I need you to take this injection, so that you can live, and together we can beat the Reds. That way a lot of really weird, and totally inexplicable stuff won't happen."**

**Agent Florida: "I don't understand anything you just said, and I've only known you for a short time. But go ahead and inject me, Private Church."**

"Too trusting." Blake commented.

**Future Church steps up and injects Flowers/Florida in the wrist for some reason**

**Agent Florida: "Thank you son. Feeling much bett- ...better. ...Agh."**

"Ohhhh no." Yang said.

**Future Church: "What. What's the matter?"**

**Agent Florida: "That medication, it didn't have... ungh... Aspirin in it, did it? I'm allergic to... Aspirin."**

"What's Aspirin?" Ruby asked.

"Maybe its an ingredient in whatever medication Church gave Flowers." Ren suggested.

**Future Church: "Umm..."**

**Agent Florida: "squatting) Can't feel haunches... Spleen failing... Glutes, glutenizing... (falls over) Church. Before I die, I have to tell you something incredibly important. It may hold the key to our victory here."**

Everyone leaned forward.

**Future Church: "What, what is it?"**

**Agent Florida: "Hurkh..."**

Yang and Nora laughed while the others groaned.

**Future Church: "Aw, crap."**

**Agent Florida: "Blah."**

"That's annoying but I still love that callback joke." Jaune said.

**Past Church and Tucker run in to the base, and Future Church bails**

**Past Church: "No Tucker, you can't hold my sniper rifle until tomorrow. Captain, what time did you wanna- Captain? (runs over to Flowers and checks for a pulse) Hoooly crap, he's dead Tucker. I think he might have had a heart attack in his sleep."**

"Hmmm." Ren mumbled.

**Tucker: "Dude, that's** _**horrible** _ **. This is a sad day. I got dibs on the armor!"**

"That explains that." Yang said chuckling.

"What a terrible person." Pyrrha commented.

"That's probably the meanest thing I've ever heard you say." Weiss said surprised.

"Oh! I'm sorry." Pyrrha said shyly.

"No no, it's fine." Weiss reassured.

**Cut to Future Church looking back at Blue Base**

**Future Church: "Well that didn't work out so well. I better lay low before I do some more damage."**

**Cut to black screen with white text: "a few weeks later"**

**Cut to Future Church hiding in the caves.**

**Future Church: "Man this** _ **sucks.**_ **It's still** _ **weeks**_ **until Tex shows up, I still haven't seen any sign of that pink guy yet."**

**Donut in Red armor runs up behind him.**

"Oh here we go." Yang commented.

**Donut: "Hi!"**

**Future Church: "Uhmm... Hello."**

**Donut: "Do you have any elbow grease?"**

**Future Church: "What're you** _ **talking**_ **about?"**

**Donut: "How about headlight fluid? This is the store, right?"**

**Future Church: "What? Look man, there's only two places** _ **in**_ **this God damn canyon."**

 **Donut: "Look I just** _ **came**_ **from Red Base."**

**Future Church: "Well, then the only other place you can go is, that way."**

"How does he not recognize the voice?" Weiss asked.

"Him and Donut haven't spoken much." Ren answered.

**Donut: "Okay, thanks mister!"**

**Future Church: "Hey, wait a second. Is that pink guy over at Red Base yet?"**

**Donut: "** _ **Pink**_ **guy? I don't know any** _ **pink**_ **guys. There's a maroon guy and an orange guy, but no pink guys. Seeya later. (takes off)"**

**Future Church: "Yeah thanks. What an idiot. ...Wait a minute."**

"Well now he realized who that is." Blake said.

"No, maybe he just remembers him as the guy who stole the flag." Jaune said.

**Cut to Caboose and Church during episode 4**

**Caboose: "My dad always said "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?""**

**Past Church: "Hey rookie... did you just call my girlfriend a cow?"**

**Tucker: "No, I think he called her a slut!"**

**Donut: "Oh sweet, they sell tanks!"**

"Wow, I'm feeling nostalgic already." Yang said surprised.

"Aww me too!" Ruby said.

"Me three." Jaune said.

"Me four." Nora said happily.

**Future Church: "(on the hill behind Donut, whispering) Hey, buddy, no no no, don't go down there!"**

**Donut: "Is that the guy from the cave? How'd he get down here so fast?"**

**Past Church: "(turning around) Tucker, are you laughing at me?"**

**Donut: "Excuse me, Sir, can I ask you a question?"**

**Future Church: "Oh crap."**

**Donut runs out of Blue Base carrying the flag**

**Caboose: "(emerging from Blue Base) The General stopped by, and picked up the flag! (returns inside the base)"**

**Past Church: "Wait a second... what did he just say?"**

**Past Church and Tucker run in to the base. Future Church turns to see Sheila**

"It's really cool seeing them from a different angle." Blake commented.

**Future Church: "There's Sheila. Sheila! (runs up to the tank as Past Church shoots at Donut with his sniper offscreen) Sheila, Sheila, hey, wake up! Wake up, hey, Sheila, come on, turn on! Uhh... Ignition!"**

"Hey! You can hear Past Church missing donut." Jaune pointed out.

"That's pretty cool." Yang commented.

**Cut to Past Church running off of Blue Base from Caboose**

**Past Church: "Okay, Rookie, you stay here! I'll be back with the flag!"**

**Future Church: "(running around back of Sheila) Aw crap crap, come on, activate!"**

**Sheila: "Thank you, for activating, the M808V Main Battle Tank. You may call me F.I.L.S.S"**

"Filss?" Ruby said confused. "Why does that name sound familiar?"

"It's the training program! It introduced itself as Filiss, and in the show it was always sheila." Weiss explained.

"I wonder why it's Filss now." Blake commented.

**Future Church: "Hey, Sh- wait, Filiss? Why not Sheila?"**

**Sheila: "Name overwritten. You may now call me Sheila."**

"That doesn't make sense." Weiss commented.

"What doesn't?" Jaune asked.

"If Church was sent to the past, how was- I don't know how to explain it why is Sheila named Filiss?" Weiss asked.

"I understand what you mean." Ren said. "Maybe it's a paradox."

"That's confusing." Yang commented.

**Future Church: "Whatever. Quickly. I need you to run through all your weapons system programs."**

**Sheila: "Affirmative. Auto-lock is enabled. Barrel recoil dampers, are enabled."**

Ruby was practically drooling.

**Future Church: "Yeah, comon comon, hurry."**

**Sheila: "Extra ammo management is disabled. The "Friendly Fire" protocol is enabled."**

"That's good." Weiss commented. "That means you can't target Friendly's."

"How does a computer know the difference?" Blake asked.

"Well not for humans or Faunus, but that protocol is what keeps Atlas Robots from killing each other. That was a big problem with the AK-130s" Weiss explained.

"What are those again?" Ruby asked.

"The Atlesian Knight robot models before the new ones, the AK-200s" Weiss explained.

"We talked about this a while ago, the newer models are less durable and lack melee combat but are smarter and more accurate." Blake explained.

**Future Church: "Friendly Fire. That's the one that kills teammates, right?"**

**Sheila: "Affirmative."**

**Future Church: "Alright. Disable, the "Friendly Fire" protocol."**

Weiss sighed.

**Sheila: "Friendly Fire" protocol is now disabled. Friendly forces may now be targetted by Auto-lock."**

**Future Church: "Yes! Wait! No! That doesn't sound right."**

"Idiot." Weiss and Blake said at the same time.

**Caboose enters the tank**

**Future Church: "I want the other thing."**

**Sheila: "Hello, and thank you for activating the M808V Main Battle Tank. You may call me Sheila."**

**Caboose: "Hello. Sheila. Big tank lady."**

**Sheila: "Would you like me to run the tutorial program?"**

**Future Church: "Sheila, what're you talking about? Forget what I just said."**

**Sheila: "This tutorial program, is intended to instruct non-certified personnel. Let's begin with some driving. (drives off)"**

**Future Church: "(left behind) Wait! Oh my God, no!"**

Yang and Ruby laughed.

**Sheila: "(driving) I was built by an American automotive company, and I was assembled in Mexico."**

"American? American must be a type of company, in Mexico...Mexico must be where Mexicans are from." Ren theorized. "And Latinos or maybe not."

**Future Church: "(chasing after on foot) No no no no no no no no no no n-"**

Every chuckled or laughed.

**Past Church: "(standing on the cliff in episode 8) Hey Tucker, look at this, man: it's the rookie! And he brought the tank out to scare off the reds. Why didn't you tell us you knew how to drive the tank?"**

**Some awesome guitar theme was playing to empathize the problems about to happen.**

Everyone was holding in laughter or chuckling lightly.

**Sheila: "New target acquired. (spinning turret around at Church)"**

**Cut to view from the tank, slowly panning up the cliffside at Church**

**Caboose: "That's not a target. That's Church."**

"Such an Iconic line." Blake commented smiling.

**Sheila: "Target locked."**

**Caboose: "What?"**

**Past Church: "What? Oh, son of a bi-"**

**Future Church: "(looking on from behind foliage) Oh** _ **NO! I'm**_ **the teamkilling fucktard!"**

Everyone burst out laughing.

**Tucker: "You shot Church, you team-killing fucktard!"**

Yang and Nora continued to laugh.

**Sheila: "(spinning turret around) New target acquired. (drives off)"**

**Tucker: "(running along the cliff) Caboose, wait!"**

**Future Church: "(arriving next to his own dead body) Ah, here we go. (picks up his own dead body's sniper rifle) Now at least I can pick off that pink guy without getting too close to anybody."**

"Yeah, because the sniper has worked so well for him in the past." Yang said sarcastically.

"I still don't understand how someone can be that bad with a sniper." Ruby commented.

**Cut to Caboose inside Sheila, just the way she likes it**

**Caboose: "I can't figure out how to get this thing open!"**

**Sheila: "Night vision engaged."**

**Tucker: "Rookie, get out now."**

**Shells exploding progressively nearer to the tank**

**Caboose: "Okay, open the duh, okay, I, Sheila, will you please open the door?"**

**Sheila: "Driver canopy open. (Caboose gets out and runs off the tank) Thank you for using the M808V main battle ta-"**

**Shell hits the tank, blowing it on its roof backwards**

"Its so cool seeing these scenes again." Jaune commented.

**Caboose: "Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap running, running, running!"**

"Still sounds like Doctor Oobleck panicking." Weiss said laughing.

**Past Church materializes as a ghost behind Future Church on the cliff**

**Past Church: "What happened? I can see my body. I see two of my bodies. Am I dead?"**

"Huh? Why doesn't Church remember this?" Ruby asked.

"Remember when Sarge died? He didn't remember anything either." Jaune explained.

"Oh that makes sense." Ruby said.

**Future Church: "Uhh... Uh-oh, um, let's just put it this way: You were killed because someone very close to you is an idiot."**

Yang laughed.

 **Past Church: "So I** _ **am**_ **dead? Aw, that blows man! Wait... I see a light. Should I go in to it?"**

"That's his reaction to dying? That blows man?" Weiss said amazed.

"A light?" Jaune said confused.

**Future Church: "What light? I don't see a light, you must be shaken up from the explosion. You should probably rest."**

**Past Church: "Farewell my body. I shake loose these earthy bonds, for a better existence..."**

"Earthy bonds? Like dirt?" Nora asked.

"Yeah." Pyrrha said.

**Future Church: "Man... First I kill myself, then I realise I'm a honkin' dork. Not a very good day to be me."**

"Church technically committed suicide." Blake commented.

"Dark." Yang said.

**Cut to Tucker and Caboose running up to the cliff**

**Tucker: "One second Caboose, I wanna get Church's sniper rifle."**

**Future Church: "Uh oh. (hides)"**

**Tucker: "Aw crap, it's gone. Man I'm so fucking unlucky. Come on Caboose, let's go call Command."**

**Caboose: "Um... Shouldn't we bury Church?"**

"See this is why I like Caboose, he's considerate." Pyrrha said.

"He killed Church though?" Yang countered.

"Well...that was an accident." Pyrrha explained.

**Tucker: "Fuck that, has he ever buried us?"**

"Good argument." Blake said sarcastically.

**Cut to Grif on Red Base**

**Grif: "So, Sarge thought my strategy had merit, but was poorly executed, probably because somebody didn't believe in it."**

**Donut: "Hey since I captured the flag, d'you think they'll give me my own color armor now?"**

**Simmons: "What do you mean 'captured'? You thought you were buying it at the store, you idiot."**

**Donut: "Still, you think there's a shot?"**

**Simmons: "Maybe they'll give you Grif's armor, since he destroyed the Warthog."**

**Grif: "Hyeah, heh-wait... you don't... you don't think they'd do that, do you?"**

**Cut to Tex turning around**

**Manly Tex: "Red base. Kill everybody. Get the flag back."**

"Oh yeah the voice modifier." Yang said.

"I want one of those!" Ruby said.

"I don't need one, I can sound like a sloth any time I want!" Nora said.

"You still sound nothing like a sloth." Ren said smiling.

**Caboose: "Uh... Okay! We'll just stay here and guard the trans... porter..."**

**Girly Tex: "Yeah. You do that. Wimps."**

Yang and Weiss laughed.

**Cut to Future Church spying on the Reds through the sniper rifle from behind a rock**

**Future Church: "Man, I've really gotta find that pink guy. Where the hell is he?"**

**Donut: "The best thing about the military is all the cool stuff I'm seeing for the first time."**

"Winter said the same thing." Weiss commented.

**Grif: "Yeah that's great."**

**Invisible Tex runs across in front of Future Church**

**Future Church: "What the, what was that?"**

"Did she not see him?" Ruby asked.

"I guess not." Yang said.

**Donut: "Yeah, there wasn't a lot to do back on the old farm. Just sit back, think about things, and then repress those thoughts immediately..."**

"Huh?" Jaune said.

"He's just weird." Yang said.

**Simmons: "Doesn't this guy ever shut up?"**

**Grif: "Hyeah, I'm wondering the same thing."**

**Cut to Tex, who throws a grenade up on to the red base, then cut to Grif**

**Grif: "What the fuck?"**

**Donut: "(with the grenade magically attached to his head) What?"**

**The grenade explodes**

**Grif and Simmons: "Son of a bitch!"**

**Cut to Future Church's view through the sniper rifle of Grif swinging at nothing**

**Grif: "Simmons, help me fight, I'm too good looking to die."**

"That's a good reason." Blake said sarcastically as Weiss and Yang laughed.

**Future Church: "Where'd he go?"**

**Simmons: "Eek! I'm gonna faint!"**

**Cut to Future Church's view of Sarge following Tex in to Red Base**

**Future Church: "Aw, shit! Tex! Don't go in there! (drops the sniper rifle and charges after them) Awgh, I gotta do** _**somethin'** _ **."**

**Cut to Future Church sneaking up behind a wall inside Red Base**

**Grif: "Ah-ha! I knew it! Only a chick could give me a headache** _ **this**_ **big!"**

Yang laughed at the joke again.

**Sarge: "Simmons, Grif. You watch the prisoner. Lopez and I will go topside and watch for a secondary attack. Simmons, if she attacks you, whistle twice and we'll know to come down and help. If she attacks Grif, just mild applause will do fine."**

Everyone laughed at that.

**Simmons: "Yes Sir!"**

**Grif: "Not so tough now that we unloaded your weapon, are ya..."**

**Tex: "Hey punk, I don't need a weapon to kill you."**

**Grif: "Yeah, right. What're you gonna do,** _**punch me?"** _

**Tex leans in at Grif quickly, then leans back. Grif flinches and steps back**

**Grif: "Aaah, not the face!"**

"And that is why Tex is still my favorite Character." Yang said smiling.

"She's so cool." Nora added.

**Sarge: "(from the top of the base) Grif, get yer keester up here. We got more of them Special Ops fellas headed toward the base."**

**Grif: "Coming Sir."**

**Simmons: "Did you hear that?"**

**Grif: "I don't see any... (sees Caboose running across the Gulch) Uh uh, yep, there's one. (Caboose stops next to a rock and stares at it) Why is he just standing there?"**

"It's strange hearing the audio changes, from the old episodes to the newer ones." Blake commented.

"Yeah I noticed that too." Jaune said.

"It just shows how far the creators have come." Pyrrha said.

**Cut to Tucker crouching behind another rock**

**Tucker: "Caboose, get behind the rock. They can still see you."**

**Caboose: "They can't see me. I can't see them!"**

**Tucker: "That's because you're facing the rock."**

**Caboose: "(looks at the base) Oh. Right. (ducks behind the rock, finds the sniper rifle Church left there) Look! A telemascope!"**

"So that's how he got the sniper from Church." Jaune said.

**Past Church: "Yeah well, I don't know. You're starting to act kinda suspicious there, ...other red guy. So I'm keeping my eye on you."**

**Simmons: "(turning around to face Tex) Sarge, I'm starting to think that-"**

**Past Church hits Simmons on the back of the head, knocking him down**

**Simmons: "Ow, geez, the back of my head!"**

**Tex: "What the hell are you doing!?"**

**Past Church: "Tex! It's me, Church! I've come to rescue you."**

**Tex: "Okay."**

**Tex and Past Church run off**

**Future Church: "(stepping in to the middle of the base) Oh right, that red guy was me when I came to rescue**

**Tex. And then we walked outside an- Oh no."**

Yang laughed.

**Simmons: "(waking up and standing up) What happened? Oh man, the back of my head is killing me!"**

**Future Church: "Yeah, that's great. (punches Simmons in the face)"**

**Simmons: "Ow, geez, the front of my face!"**

Yang and Nora laughed again.

**Future Church runs up to the entrance of the base and watches his past self in Sarge's body get shot in the head by the sniper rifle he left behind for Caboose to find**

**Future Church: "You gotta be kidding me!"**

Everyone laughed again.

"This episode is probably the funniest yet!" Ruby said.

Yang tried to catch her breath but couldn't.

**Caboose: "Tucker did it!"**

**Cut to a black screen with the words "many unsuccessful attempts later"**

Everyone chuckled lightly while Yang recovered.

**Cut to Sheila attacking the Red Base in episode 19**

**Sheila: "Target locked. (fires)"**

**Donut comes up from inside the base, and speaks as Future Church fires four sniper shots at him and misses horribly with each one**

Ruby groaned and put her head in her hands.

**Donut: "Hey, what're you guys doin' up here!?"**

**Future Church: "(reloading the sniper rifle) Oh my God,** _**how did I miss?"** _

"Because you suck!" Ruby yelled angrily.

Pyrrha laughed and nodded. "I think he can get better though."

**Grif: "That chick in the black armor's back!"**

**Donut: "(as Church continues missing him horribly) What chick, the one that stuck the grenade to my head?"**

"He's standing Still!" Ruby yelled.

**Future Church: "GOD DAMMIT!"**

Yang burst out laughing again when she heard his voice in the background.

**Simmons: "That's the one."**

**Donut: "Ohhuw. Oh I been waiting for this. (runs up to the edge of the base and yells) Hey Bitch! Remember me!? I saved something for ya!"**

**Donut throws a grenade. Various camera angles follow it on its long journey through the sky, and everyone in the Gulch watching it go**

**Future Church: "(firing at the grenade four times and missing each time) FUCK,** **THIS,** _**HORSE, SHIT!** _ **!** **!"**

"Stop aiming at where it is and aim at where it's going to be!" Ruby yelled.

"He can't hear you Ruby." Yang said.

"I- I know I just, ugh reminds me of when I tried teaching dad to snipe." Ruby complained.

"He was so mad." Yang laughed.

**Cut to Caboose and Tucker**

**Tucker: "Man, that girl's got a really good arm."**

**The grenade lands right in Tex's lap, inside the tank**

**Tex: "Aw crap!"**

**Donut: "Hell yeah! Three points, you dirty whore! (dirty whore echoes at least twice in the Gulch before the tank finally explodes)"**

**Future Church: "(speaking over Donut) Alright that's it, I quit. I'm going to live in a cave."**

Yang and Nora laughed again.

"How did the others not notice the sniper shots all around them?" Weiss asked.

"It was in the middle of battle." Jaune pointed out.

**Past Church: "¡Dios mío, no!"**

**Caboose: "That looks like Church."**

**Radio sounds**

"Oh no..." Weiss mumbled.

**Caboose: "Come in, Church. Is that you, Church?"**

**Morse Code is audible, reminiscent of when O'Malley moved from Caboose in to Doc**

Everyone looked at the screen nervously.

**O'Malley: "(Caboose-style evil laugh)"**

**The screen cut to black.**

"...wow, that got serious fast." Yang said.

"I know I know I know! Play the next one!" Ruby screamed.

Jaune nodded and complied, whatever problems any in the group had about the show before. They were gone, the show had gotten incredible for all of them after such an amazing episode.


	51. S3E51 Episode 50 Part 2

**Author's Note:**

**So I have a request for all who read my author's notes. Be critical, I would love if you all could tell me these things.**

— **the worst thing(s) about this story**

— **the best thing(s) about this story**

— **how I can fix the worst things**

— **how I can improve the best things**

— **any and all nit picks that you don't like**

**Also quick announcement, in the month of February I wrote 50 chapters, I could not have done it without all the support from all of you. Thank you.**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 51- Episode 50 Part 2**

" **Episode 50 Part 2" appeared on the screen.**

"That's the title? strange." Pyrrha commented.

"This is the first two parter." Jaune commented.

"Maybe it's because it's Church's time in the past." Pyrrha suggested. "Maybe somehow at the end of the episode he will be change history or get back with the others."

The others nodded...except for a certain blonde. A blonde who was currently trying and failing to hold in laughter.

Ruby groaned. "Yang, the title isn't even a pun!"

"I- I know!" Yang said in between giggles. "It's just..." Yang didn't finish, she was too busy laughing.

Everyone groaned.

"Just ignore her, turn up the volume a bit so we can hear." Weiss ordered.

**Fade in to Past Church in Lopez's brown armor, Caboose and Tucker standing in front of the**

**tombstones near Blue Base, with Future Church watching from afar**

**Past Church: "Um... Maybe somebody should say something."**

"Attending your own funeral has to be weird." Nora commented.

"And sad..." Blake said.

"I'm sure it's going to be funny." Yang laughed.

"I know it will for them, but Imagine what it would be like to go to your own funeral?" Blake said.

"I would crash it." Yang said.

"A funeral isn't a wedding!" Blake shouted.

"I would tell everyone I'm not dead." Ruby said.

"I would do the same as Ruby." Pyrrha said.

"My funeral would be weird." Jaune said.

"Why?" Pyrrha asked.

"Well, after I die I want my body and organs to be donated somewhere." Jaune said.

"That's very noble of you." Pyrrha commented smiling.

Jaune laughed. "Thanks."

"I should do that, how do I do that?" Ruby asked.

"I want to do that as well." Ren said.

"You just put it in your will." Jaune said.

"Think about it! After you die you are still saving lives...like a ghost!" Nora said loudly.

Everyone laughed or chuckled.

"I love you guys! You made death a happy thing." Pyrrha said.

Everyone chuckled even Blake.

**Tucker: "Okay, go ahead."**

"Speaking at your own funeral." Yang said laughing.

"What would you say Yang?" Jaune asked.

"Well depends on how I died but if I died fighting I would say something about how I died like a badass and if I saved some of my friends I would tell them that they had to pay me back for it by throwing money into my grave." Yang said laughing. "As a joke, but I would also give them a good goodbye you know?"

"Yeah." Ruby said smiling. "I would say goodbye to everyone."

Everyone said roughly the same thing about how they would say goodbye, except Nora who demanded ghost pancakes.

"That got a little somber." Blake commented.

"Hey, don't make it anymore somber." Yang ordered. "Play the episode."

**Past Church: "** _**Not me** _ **, jackass. I'm not gonna eulogize myself."**

**Tucker: "What? Why not, I eulogize myself** _**all the time** _ **. Wait... I think I don't know what the word eulogize means."**

Yang laughed at the joke.

"Yang? Whats the joke?" Ruby asked.

"He thought eulogizing himself meant jacking it." Yang answered.

"Oh...gross." Ruby commented.

**Caboose: "Wait, I know how to do this- Dearly beloved"**

**Past Church: "No, shut him up, seriously. Shut him up."**

Everyone chuckled.

 **Caboose: "We are gathered here,** _ **today, to witness, the joining together of Tex, and Church, in eternalness together**_ **, smuh-** _ **speak now!**_ **Or forever,** _ **rest in peace!**_ **With** _ **liberty**_ **, and justice, for all. The end."**

"It sounded like he was marrying them for a second." Pyrrha commented.

"Yeah, what was that bit at the end though?" Weiss wondered.

"No idea but it sounded like he was mixing two or more speeches together." Ren pointed out.

**Tucker: "Man this funeral is laaaame. If you need me I'll be over by my rock."**

Yang laughed remembering the past joke about Tuckers rock.

**Past Church: "Hey Tucker, can I have a piggy-back ride back to base?"**

"Oooh! Oooh! Oooh!" Ruby yelled.

"Ren! Ren! Ren! Ren! RenRenRenRen!" Nora shouted frantically.

Yang and Ren looked at each other sympathetically.

**Tucker: "No, nonono, I fell for that shit last time, I'm not doing that. That metal suit is like eight thousand pounds."**

"Pleeeeaassse! Yang please! I don't weigh that much at all!" Ruby said before frowning. "Do I?"

Yang laughed. "Ruby you weigh the least of all of us and you're in great shape...but that does not mean you're getting a piggy back ride."

Ruby huffed and crossed her arms.

"Come on Ren! You're strong." Nora argued.

Ren sighed, "Nora please, you are stronger than me if anyone should be giving piggy back rides it's you."

"...That is a great idea! Ren do y-"

"No."

**Past Church: "Come on, one more piggy-back ride's not gonna kill ya. I'm in mourning here."**

**Cut to Future Church**

**Past Church: "I've been through so much. At least help me paint my body blue."**

**Future Church: "Okay. I may not have been able to save myself or Tex, but I still have time to save everybody else if I can just keep the A.I. from getting in to Doc, prevent Lopez and Sheila from forming their Robot Army, and somehow figure out a way to stop the war between the Reds and the Blues all together. Huh. What if I... Yeah I'm gonna need some help on this one."**

"That sounds like a lot of work." Ruby commented.

"Yeah, it must be hard for him." Pyrrha agreed.

"Especially when he keeps causing the bad stuff, honestly if he did nothing he would be succeeding." Weiss laughed.

**Cut to past Church and Tucker trying to activate the repair function in episode 23**

**Past Church: "Hurhoor... Oh! Hey!"**

**Tucker: "Found it?"**

**Past Church: "Nah, no wait. All I found was the time and temperature function. It is currently twenty-six degrees, by the way."**

**Tucker: "What? It's not twenty-six degrees out here, that's freezing."**

**Future Church runs by inside the base, and the camera conveniently cuts to him there**

Ren gasped.

"What?" Yang asked.

"I remember that scene with Church and Tucker talking, except in the background it was thought to be Caboose running in the background. It was Church all along though." Ren explained

"That's...pretty cool wow." Jaune said amazed.

**Future Church: "Where the hell is that contact info for Blue Command. We really need to standardize the way we handle our information."**

**Back outside**

**Tucker: "Naw dude, it's more like a ...switch."**

**Past Church: "Well, give it a flip."**

**Tucker: "I don't wanna flip it."**

**Back inside to Future Church standing in front of**

**Cabose's Importent Lists of Stuf**

**1 Tuker is stupid**

**2 sandwitches!**

**3 Comand Hotline 7AQR49M-2**

**5 Mommy**

**P.S Aswemeness!**

**7 Dancing time.**

Weiss and Blake groaned at the sign while Yang and Ruby laughed.

"He can't even spell his own name!" Weiss complained.

"Or count." Blake added.

"Caboose isn't as smart as the others but at least he's nice and caring." Pyrrha said angrily.

"That's somewhat true." Weiss said.

"Sorry" Blake apologized.

**Future Church: "Okay, here we go."**

**Radio sounds**

**Future Church: "Come in Blue Command, do you read me."**

Everyone leaned forward interested.

**Vic: "(through static) Hello, hello, come in, do you read me, do I read you, hello, can you read me, what's goin' on, it's a secure channel here, come on."**

"Traitor." Nora commented angrily.

**Future Church: "Uh yeah, this is, uh, Flowers, this is Captain Butch Flowers."**

"Wouldn't he know that Flowers died?" Blake asked.

"Maybe they didn't report it." Jaune suggested.

**Vic: "Heyyy, Captain Flowers, how're you doing dude? Hey I heard you died. Or you got promoted, wait a minute which one was it."**

"Or maybe Vic is just an idiot." Jaune added.

"But Vic is the one controlling them? For the experiment." Weiss countered.

"We don't know if its for an experiment or not." Blake said. "So far it's just a theory."

**Future Church: "Uhm... promoted."**

**Vic: "Alright, great dude, how's that workin' out for you?"**

**Future Church: "Good. Listen up Vic, I'm actually uh... whaddaya call it, um intelligence now, military intelligence, yeah. And I uh, I need help on a very top secret project, uh, that's very secret. And very top."**

"Very intelligent." Weiss said laughing.

**Vic: "I'm all yours, dude. Me Vic dude es tu Vic dude. in a ditideepti and all that."**

**Future Church: "Here's what I need you to do. I need you to contact the Red Army, and have them send Medical Officer DuFresne, as far away from here as possible."**

**Vic: "** _ **Red**_ **Army, no no dude, last transmission I received that Medic was at Blue Base. Got it right here in my log. No pun intended. Not sure what that means."**

"There was no pun." Yang said.

**Future Church: "Look it doesn't matter where he is, I just need him outta here. They're both the same to me."**

"And now Vic knows they know." Blake said.

**Vic: "Hello dude, you're telling me that Red and Blue are the same now in Blood Gulch."**

**Future Church: "Right, exactly, the sides don't matter."**

**Vic: "Heh, so Red and Blue are the same. Okay dude, well this changes everything."**

"Vic plays his part well." Ren commented.

**Future Church: "What?"**

**Vic: "Well I mean from starters we're gonna have to figure how to divide up the money from the office pool."**

Blake gasped. "Maybe it's not an experiment! Maybe its just for entertainment!"

Weiss gasped too. "You're probably right!" She yelled before groaning. "But then again that whole plot point doesn't matter because of the time travel, and unless Church is just being brainwashed and the others are actors or something the entertainment theory doesn't make sense."

"You're probably right." Ren said. "Whatever reason the Reds and Blues had for being there doesn't matter in the end because it went horribly wrong and now they're in the future and there's a prophecy."

"It all just doesn't make sense." Weiss complained. "At least it's still funny."

"Yeah! Looking on the bright side!" Ruby shouted.

 **Future Church: "Okay okay yeah, whatever, just remember. This is top secret, so you can't let** _ **anybody**_ **know that I gave you these instructions, okay? Or that we even spoke, don't even tell them that we talked together. You got it?"**

**Vic: "I will proceed accordingly dude, mum is the word. Actually bird is the word but the bird says mum. So we're gonna go with that. Over and out dude. (transmission ends)"**

Everyone was confused at that joke.

**Future Church: "Well that should take care of at least one problem."**

"No. It added more." Blake said.

**Vic: "So... Red and Blue are the same. Well I gotta make some phone calls."**

"And this is why Wyoming was sent after them." Weiss said.

"Vic probably knew Church was lying, then found out Church died or thought Church was already dead and that Church was Tucker." Jaune theorized.

**Cut to Simmons looking up at Past Church paralyzed from the waist down**

**Simmons: "What the hell are you guys doing?"**

**Tucker: "Aw crap, the reds are here."**

**Past Church: "What? Caboose, why didn't you say anything?"**

**Future Church: "(inside the base) Oh what the hell? Vic just had 'em bring Doc back over here? That guy's a fricking moron. Now I'm back to square one!"**

"Hmmm, so that's why they sent him back." Ren mumbled.

"No I thought they just didn't like him." Jaune said.

"They don't like Grif." Ren countered.

"Good point." Jaune conceded.

**Cut to Past Church as a ghost talking to Caboose and Tucker**

**Past Ghost Church: "Guys, I keep telling you, if we have Lopez remove any of Sheila's pedals, she's not gonna function properly."**

"Didn't Sheila complain about people looking at her treads?" Yang said.

"No I don't think this is a reference about that." Jaune said. "Remember Caboose complaining about the six pedals and four directions?"

"You have a really good memory." Pyrrha commented.

"No, I just remember unimportant details, Ren has a good memory." Jaune said.

"Thank you Jaune." Ren thanked.

**Tucker: "Maybe we could just get Lopez to give Caboose more feet."**

**Caboose: "Oh! I like that idea! I have always wanted to be taller."**

Yang started snickering to herself as her team groaned.

"Yang! It's not that funny!" Ruby yelled.

"Yes it is! This show has so many puns!" Yang said before laughing again.

**In the background, Future Church runs up to Lopez and Sheila, and the camera once again conveniently cuts to them there, as if it was scripted or something**

**Future Church: "Hey there Lopez, Sheila, you're both looking... uh very shiny, today, uh, rust-free, and, anyway, uh-huhm. The reason I'm up here to talk to you guys is, I know we've had our differences in the past, you know with uh, the nut turning and the um possessing and stuff like that, ah but I'm hoping we could put that behind us 'cause I wanna talk to you about maybe some crazy ideas you might be havin up here? Like I dunno, say uh, starting your own robot army?"**

Weiss and Blake groaned.

" **And you know it's, it's something you should think about pretty seriously if you're thinking about doing it, um because it's hard to run an army, and you might not be aware that, it's a lotta, it's a lot of logistics, a lot of rhetoric, um, you know it's uh, you gotta have chain of command, and that stuff you know, it's it's uh when you have ranks it, it puts friends against each other, that's not always a good thing. 'Cause it might seem like it's easy with only three people, even when those people are just robots- I don't mean, I don't mean** _ **just**_ **robots, I mean, three, you have, you you have three you have three people, that are, mechanized people, mechanized, Americans um, and then, you know, it's uh, it's uh, anyway you shouldn't do it. Bye. (runs off)"**

"It is very hard to run an army but it being just two of them it's not an army, at best its a duo of people with guns." Weiss said.

"Americans...they mentioned that before." Ren mumbled.

**Lopez: "No confío en ese mamón. Se parece muy sospechoso."**

**Caption: I don't trust that guy. He seems shifty.**

**Sheila: "Me neither, but I have to admit, I liked his Robot Army idea."**

"So everything he does is going to backfire." Blake said.

"That seems to be the direction they're going for." Ren said.

**Lopez: "Yo también. Debemos hacer eso."**

**Caption: Me too. We should do that.**

**Lopez: "Podría construir un machina que vuela para un hombre con los lanzadores del cohete de las pieza adicionales."**

**Caption: I could build a one man flying vehicle with rocket launchers using the extra parts we have.**

Weiss and Blake groaned again.

**Sheila: "Great idea. Let's hide it in the cave, so they won't find it."**

**Lopez: "Sí núm."**

**Caption: Agreed.**

**Cut to Future Church over a hill**

**Future Church: "Well that felt good, I think we really connected. Now, what'm I gonna do about those teleporters..."**

Blake groaned. "I bet I know where this is going."

"He's going to be the one to break the teleporter!" Nora pointed out.

**Cut to Donut talking to Grif behind the Warthog**

**Donut: "Because that's the day I wash my underwear, and since I don't like to let my armor touch my bare skin, on the account of I chafe** _**really easily** _ **, I remember thinking, where can I hang out with no pants on?"**

**Grif: "** _**Oh God!"** _

Yang and Nora laughed at the joke again.

 **Future Church: "(messing with the red teleporter) Jesus, what's that guy babblin' about down there, I thought** _ **Tucker**_ **was annoying. Okay, concentrate, just one more adjustment to make on this teleporter and then we're done. Oh hey look, here comes Sheila and Lopez. Oh they, sure are coming fast... Hey they don't even seem to be stopping'. Uh oh."**

**Grif: "Curses!"**

**Sheila runs in to the Warthog... again**

**Lopez: "(in flight) Ayayay... Frejoles."**

**Sheila runs in to the base, sending Future Church flying backwards**

**Future Church: "Yow!"**

**The teleporter short circuits**

**Cut to Future Church waking up after about 5 episodes of being unconscious, somehow undetected by the Reds**

"Did he get knocked out?" Ruby asked.

"How could he? He's a ghost." Weiss said.

**Future Church: "Oh... What the hell happened? Where am I? When am I?"**

**Cut to the Parabola of Mystery**

"So he was asleep for a couple of episodes." Blake pointed out.

**Tucker: "Uh, Church, it kinda looks more like a triangle from down here."**

**Past Ghost Church: "What?"**

**Tucker: "I'm just saying it doesn't look much like a circle, it looks more like we're forming a triangle, just a side-note."**

**Ghost Church: "Okay fine,** _ **Triangle**_ **of Confusion, Rhombus of Terror, Parabola of Mystery,** _ **who cares!? Get the god damn show on the road!"**_

"Ugh, I hated Parabola's so much in math." Yang complained.

"They were easy?" Weiss, Blake, and Ren said confused.

"Why should I have to do math work I will never use ever!" Jaune complained.

"I know it's stupid!" Ruby yelled.

"It makes my head hurt." Nora added.

Pyrrha stayed silent.

"It helps develop your brain and helps develop problem solving techniques." Weiss explained.

"That sounds like a bullshit explanation." Yang said.

"No it's science!" Weiss argued as Ren nodded.

**Tucker: "Alright, alright, sorry."**

**Future Church: "Oh** _ **no.**_ **The Parabola of Mystery! That means any second now Tucker's gonna get shot by O'Malley and then all hell's gonna break loose. Unless..."**

"I'm scared to think of what he's going to do next." Weiss said laughing.

**Cut to Sarge**

**Sarge: "Simmons, Grif... We're out of luck. Get ready to open fire. Today is a good day to die!"**

**Grif: "Wait! I think today is actually a good day to** _**retreat** _ **. Can't we push dying to a week from friday?"**

**Simmons: "Yeah, let's all take dying as an open action item, and come back with suggestions** _ **next**_ **meeting."**

 **Sarge: "No!** _ **It has to be today.**_ **For our ancestors. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! (charges up the hill)"**

**Tucker: "Wait everyone, stop fighting!"**

"Here comes the chaos again." Blake commented.

**Sarge: "Yeah, come on!"**

**Tucker: "It's all a lie!"**

**Sarge: "Let's go! Haha"**

**Tucker: "Red is blue! Blue is red!"**

**Sarge: "Yeah, kablammo!"**

**Tucker: "We're all the same!"**

**Sarge: "Yeeekakakakakakakakakaka!"**

This time when the two teams watched the show they watched it with mild interest, they had seen it before.

**Future Church arrives at a random rocket launcher lying in the middle of the valley**

"Oh so he's the one who shot Tucker." Weiss said.

"I thought that was O'Malley, With the vehicle built by Lopez and Sheila, he did say he would add rockets to it." Ren said.

**Future Church: "God I can't believe the Reds have this kind of hardware lying around and they're not even using it. (picks it up)"**

"Yeah that rocket launcher is awesome!" Ruby yelled.

"Ruby please I have to make my Magnhild like that! My baby would be amazing!" Nora yelled.

"Yeah! I can add another barrel and have it switch so you can fire grenades faster! Oh! and also mini rockets! And with the hammer mode I could modify it so that-" Ruby started going off on a tangent before Yang stopped her.

"Hit play please." Yang asked.

**Past Ghost Church: "(in background) Tucker, you radio's giving too much feedback, shut it off!"**

**Future Church: "(homing in on O'Malley in the scooter) Ah, there he is. Mine now buddy."**

**Future Church fires a rocket at O'Malley, but misses and hits Tucker in the back**

**Tucker: "It's all the- Waaaaaa son of a bitch!"**

**Future Church: "WHAT THE HELL!? The targeting system on this thing doesn't work at all! Oh, so maybe that's why the Reds don't use it. That makes sense now."**

"Even if the targeting system was working he would still miss." Blake said laughing.

"How can he not hit someone with a rocket? It would be easy!" Nora complained.

"I know your pain Nora." Ruby said.

**Donut: "Oh my God. It's the** _**Cave Devil** _ **. Run for your lives!"**

**Future Church: "Unh, maybe I'll just sit this one out. I'm pretty sure I know how it ends"**

**The scene faded to Black.**

"Next one? Lets go!" Ruby ordered.

* * *

**Just wanted to ask something. Before I ask though just know I'm fine with basically every single ship(AKA don't mind as long as main lot isn't bent around them). Except the creepy ones that people do.**

**So let me just ask, why do people ship Ruby x Yang, Weiss x Winter, (young character) x Ozpin? Or anymore fucked up ships I can't think about. Literally every character is shipped with every character. I'd be surprised if Jaune and Saphron didn't have a name like Japhron or something.**

**Also remember.**

**My pm's are open to**

**-Suggestions for this FanFiction**

**-Requests for any new FanFictions**

**-Advice on writing**

**-Reviews**

**-Pointing out any and all mistakes**

**-Questions, any and all**

**-Thanks!**

**And please tell me these things it would help my writing a lot.**

— **the worst thing(s) about this story**

— **the best thing(s) about this story**

— **how I can fix the worst things**

— **how I can improve the best things**

— **any and all nit picks/small things that you don't like**


	52. S3E52 Have We Met?

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 52- Have We Met?**

"Ruby? What are you doing?" Weiss asked.

"You all complained about me making noise when I tried upgrading my sniper so I am using these pillows to muffle the noise!" Ruby explained.

"Our pillows." Jaune pointed out.

"Yeah, your pillows thanks!" Ruby shouted.

"We never gave you permission." Jaune pointed out.

"I think its fine." Pyrrha said.

"And I gave her permission! Now she can upgrade my baby!" Nora shouted happily.

"Oh that reminds me! Weiss has Winter said anything about the sword design?" Jaune asked.

"Yeah but it's not good, she said the pictures weren't very informative, she has a rough design from some scientists but...they would need more info and better pictures." Weiss said.

"What does that mean? How can we get better pictures?" Jaune asked.

"Well maybe...maybe if in the next game, Ring 4 they have the sword, it would look better." Pyrrha suggested.

"That's perfect!" Jaune said happily.

"But that's only if there is a 4th game, and only if it looks better. We don't know anything about the game the show is based in." Blake explained.

"Can't they do anything with the pictures?" Yang asked.

"With enough work they can make a prototype." Weiss said.

"That's great!" Pyrrha said raising Jaune's hopes.

"I didn't say a working prototype." Weiss said flinching.

A loud whirring sound stopped their conversation as Ruby frantically screamed. Everyone looked over just in time to see a drill tearing apart a pillow.

"My good luck pillow!" Jaune screamed running over to her.

"Good luck pillow?" Blake asked.

"Maybe it's like his special sock." Yang said giggling at her own joke.

"I don't _have_ a special sock Yang!" Jaune screamed.

"Sorry sorry sorry sorry-" Ruby yelled.

"I told you the pillows wouldn't work." Ren said calmly grabbing the drill. "Here." Ren said messing with the drill.

"How can I work on these and watch the show?" Ruby asked sadly.

"You can't if we want to hear." Yang said.

"It's still 11:00 A.M we haven't been here long at all." Weiss pointed out.

"Really? It feels longer, never mind then I can just work on this stuff after we finish watching." Ruby said. "I just need to buy some things first."

"Yeah! That's how we can hangout Ruby!" Nora shouted. "We can go shopping!"

"We don't have any money." Ruby said sadly.

Before Weiss could speak up Jaune beat her to it.

"I can give you two the money I get for selling a crappy art picture." Jaune said. "Remember when we talked about that? How modern art is stupid and anything in a black and white filter can be art."

Yang, Weiss, and Blake laughed.

"Awww thanks Jaune!" Ruby said happily.

"I can't wait to get my upgrades!" Nora yelled.

"I need to make you those sticky blue spider grenades and upgrade your grenade launcher to shoot rockets and have two barrels." Ruby listed off. "I need to upgrade my sniper to have 8x Zoom and I need to make Coco's new turret to match the Warthog's. And finally...Oh! oh! Weiss can they send us the prototype? And the designs? I can upgrade it from there!" Ruby asked happily.

"I doubt it, maybe you can get the prototype after Atlas makes the upgraded models. They're very protective of their technology." Weiss explained.

"It's just hardlight dust." Ruby grumbled.

"Besides Ruby, you're going to be busy with all that other stuff. My sword can wait." Jaune said smiling.

"And can we stop waiting? I would love to start the show." Blake said.

"Ok ok ok." Jaune said. "Hitting play."

" **Have We Met?" Appeared on the screen with the theme.**

The usual five, Ruby, Jaune, Pyrrha, Yang, and Nora hummed the theme. Except this time, the other three joined in.

Weiss was terrible and too quiet, Blake was nervous about it, Ren just hummed it normally like the others. Weiss and Blake were too unsure of themselves.

"Awwwww! Ren you joined in!" Nora said happily.

"And so did Weiss and Blake?" Yang said confused and a little scared.

"What?" Weiss asked.

"We like the show too." Blake said.

Ruby was so happy she hugged Weiss.

**Fade in to Future Church watching Donut, Tex and Tucker before they go in the teleporter to Sidewinder**

**Sheila: "Good luck everyone, take care. I packed you all lunches for the trip."**

"I still don't understand how she did that." Weiss commented.

"She shoots food out of her canon! Duh!" Nora said loudly.

**Tucker: "Thanks Sheila, that was really nice of you."**

**Donut: "Not really. All** _ **my**_ **bag had was an air filter and a thermos full of brake fluid."**

**Sheila: "Make sure to wash your exhaust pipes every day."**

**Tex runs through the teleporter, then Donut**

**Tucker: "Bye Sheila, we'll come back for you soon."**

**Sheila: "I'll be waiting."**

**After everyone left Future Church runs across the Blue Base to Sheila**

**Sheila: "Church! I thought you left with Grif. Back already?"**

**Future Church: "I hate to tell you this Sheila, but none of us are comin' back. Is there any way I can take you with me? Maybe transfer your program in to a disk or something like that?"**

"That makes sense, Sheila is an AI." Ren commented.

"A disk? Those are so old and outdated." Jaune added.

**Sheila: "No sorry, but I'm hardwired in to this equipment. That's what happens when you're built by the lowest bidder."**

"Didn't she say she was assembled in mexico?" Jaune said.

Ren scribbled in his notes.

**Future Church: "Yeah, tell me about it. There's just one more thing you can do for me before I say goodbye. It's the last thing I can do to hopefully set all this stuff right."**

**Sheila: "What is it?"**

**Future Church: "Okay, here's what I need you to do. (whispers)** _**I need you to get out there, and I need you to wait off a real fricking wait,"** _

"Can anyone hear him?" Ruby asked putting a hand to her ear and squinting.

"No." Jaune said.

"Not at all." Weiss added.

"Nope." Nora said popping the p.

"Yes." Blake said rubbing her cat ears, she remembered to keep her bow off after Yang forced her too a while ago, while they were watching season one.

"What's he saying?" Ruby asked.

"He's telling her to wait a long time." Blake said.

**Sheila: "Alright."**

**Future Church: "** _**and give it a thousand years or something like that, and then send a call."** _

"Wait 1000 years then send a call." Blake said translating the whispers.

**Sheila: "You got it."**

"Send a call..." Ren mumbled.

**Future Church: "Thanks Sheila. And uh, sorry that I blamed you for killing me all this time."**

"That's sweet." Pyrrha commented.

**Sheila: "That's okay, I'm sorry I enjoyed blowing you up so much."**

"That's not so sweet." Pyrrha said smiling.

The others laughed at her sort of joke.

**Future Church: "Yeah I'm not sure it was necessary to tell me that. Anyway, I guess this is goodbye Sheila."**

**Future Church runs through the teleporter**

**Sheila: "Maybe I should shut down now, and save a little power."**

**Sheila power down, and the camera does a step by step pan back in a blatant attempt to signify the end of our time in Blood Gulch**

"That was...sad." Ruby said.

"Yeah, the camera cuts makes me think this is the end of Blood Gulch." Blake said.

"The end of Sheila." Yang said.

"Church did tell Sheila to send a call, so it could be the end of Blood Gulch but not her." Jaune pointed out.

**Cut to Wyoming outside Past Church and Grif's cell**

**Wyoming: "Ah yes, dear Tex. After I take care of your little friend Tucker, I'll be taking care of her as well."**

**Past Church: "When I get outta here-"**

**Wyoming: "But you won't! Everyone here is dead now, noone even knows where you are. So I suppose now you'll just have to starve to death. Hu huh, cheerio! (runs off)"**

"Ohhh so Church is the one who released them." Ruby said.

**Cut to Future Church at the cell's control console, with a sign saying**

**"Note: Please don't release prisoners - Thanks, Mgt"**

"See?" Ruby said.

"We all already knew that." Yang said.

"No. I thought it was Tex all this time." Jaune said.

"Wait, wasn't Tex already captured at this point?" Pyrrha asked.

"I think so." Weiss said.

 **Future Church: "Man, there is** _ **no way**_ **Grif can disarm that bomb. I better let him out of there and then go find Tex. She can shut it off."**

**Cut back to Past Church and Grif**

**Grif: "You should try showering in Cell Block C. Those guys are animals."**

"Prisons sound worse in their universe." Pyrrha commented.

Weiss was about to speak up but frowned and kept silent.

**Past Church: "Alright, here goes."**

**The gate rises, just like it did the last time**

**Grif: "You opened the doors, that wasn't scary at all."**

**Past Church: "What, I didn't do that, somebody on the** _**out** _ **side must have done it. Alright, let's go."**

**Grif: "Freedom! It smells so sweet! Let's go rob a liquor store on the way home."**

"Stealing is wrong." Ruby commented.

"Yeah, a certain Monkey Tailed rapscallion certainly needs to be told that." Weiss said with a smirk.

"I know." Blake groaned. "He only steals food but...you know." Blake complained.

"Monkey tailed rapscallion?" Pyrrha asked.

"Inside joke, back when Weiss was mildly racist." Blake said smiling.

"Hey!...yeah alright." Weiss conceded.

"Unlike Jaune who is racist." Blake said.

"What how!" Jaune said.

"That Faunus and Cannibalism joke!" Blake yelled.

"Sun told me it!" Jaune defended.

"You repeated it!" Blake yelled.

"He gave me a pass!" Jaune yelled holding up a crudely drawn Picture of a yellow monkey labeled, "Faunus Joke Pass"

"I didn't!" Blake shot back.

"Ladies ladies!" Yang yelled separating the two. "You're both tolerant and educated people, calm down, stare at the tv, and forget your problems." She ordered.

**Future Church: "Alright, now to find Tex."**

**Cut to Wyoming and Tex, who's tied to a tree using rope bigger than a whole fucking arm**

**Wyoming: "Sorry about this Alison, just following Omega's orders."**

"Oh yeah I forgot her name was Alison." Yang said.

**O'Malley: "Wyoming, I need you to get in position. Don't forget that Vic fellow is giving us a bonus if we kill Tucker. Would really help fuel the whole "conspiracy theory" he's made up."**

"Wait what!" Weiss yelled.

"So Vic wasn't trying to kill Tucker because he found out?" Blake said.

"This changes everything." Ren mumbled scribbling notes.

"It's too confusing!" Nora screamed grabbing her head.

"Nora you weren't even trying to figure it out." Ren pointed out.

**Wyoming: "Right-O mate."**

**Doc: "As the one person here who really** _ **does**_ **work for Red and Blue, I think what we're doing is despicable! O'Malley, can't you look in your heart and see that maybe if we do this right, that Red and Blue could work together? Maybe we could** _ **end**_ **this crazy war. Wouldn't that be great? Come on guys, let's live the dream!"**

"I really like Doc and Caboose, they are the nicest people on the show." Pyrrha said. "And Donut."

**O'Malley: "I like the way wars end now. When one side's completely dead, and the other side wasting away in nucular winter."**

"Man, their universe sounds so dark." Jaune said.

Weiss's face contorted into a face of pure annoyance but she let it go.

"What's Nucular?" Nora asked.

"Something we haven't heard of yet." Ren answered.

**Doc: "It's pronounced 'nuclear.'"**

"Oh, they mentioned that before." Ren said.

"You lied to me!" Nora shouted pointing at Ren.

**O'Malley: "Oh shut up. Crying at the folly of their own hubrus!"**

**Doc: "Wars also end in treaties."**

"That's true." Weiss said. "I'm happy no wars of ours have ended the way they said."

**O'Malley: "Aouwh, shut up already."**

**Cut to Future Church spying on everyone, like he's James Bond or something**

**Future Church: "Come in, Tex. I need you to meet me in the middle of the canyon, right now. This is Church. Uh... I have money. Oh man, where is she?"**

"Tex really doesn't seem that desperate for money." Yang commented.

**Another Church approaches from behind the rock behind Future Church**

"Is that the past church?" Ruby asked.

"No that doesn't make sense?" Ren said confused.

**Futurer Church: "Psst!** _**Hey, hey buddy! Hey!"** _

**Future Church: "Huh? Who're you?"**

**Futurer Church: "Huh? Oh, I'm you. I'm just a different version of you. Yeah see, I keep trying to fix the bomb, just like you're doing, except I don't do it right, and I get blasted back in time. Then I come back, and try to fix everything all over again. I just wanna let you know, when you get back, meet us at the top of the ramp."**

"Woah, so he's failed many times." Blake said.

"Yeah, glad he explained everything." Ruby said.

**Future Church: "Us, who's us? Back from where, what's goin' on?"**

**Cut to Bomb Church during the countdown**

**Past Church: "Man this blows, you guys suck."**

**Rocket launcher gets shot out of Tucker's hands**

**Tucker: "What the hell!?"**

**Wyoming: "Sorry Private Tucker, but I always get my man. Say goodbye mate."**

**Simmons: "Uh guys, I hate to interrupt but, zero seconds."**

**Tucker: "Uh oh."**

**Past Church: "What? Oh, son of a-"**

**Halo explodes... again...**

"I- I still can't believe how powerful that bomb was!" Nora shouted. "I love explosions but...that's too much if something like that existed here it would be bad." Nora said getting serious.

"Yeah, whoever had it would have ultimate power." Weiss said.

**Cut back to Future Church leaving in episode 50**

**Gamma: "see you in a few hundred years."**

**Future Church: "Computer, you've got to send me back!"**

**Gamma:"to blood gulch? you just left."**

**Future Church: "No no no not to Blood Gulch, to Sidewinder! Man I** _ **totally**_ **screwed everything up!"**

**Gamma: "how?"**

**Future Church: "Well, I didn't keep the bomb from going off, so I just got blasted back here."**

**Future Church 2 pops in to place**

**Future Church 2: "Yeah, me too."**

**Future Church: "What the-"**

**Future Church 2: "Let me just put it this way pal."**

**More Churches start popping in to place. One of them's yellow**

"Well, he has failed wow, 5, 7, 10? Uhhh..." Jaune mumbled trying to count the multiple churches.

"Why is there a yellow one?" Blake asked.

"Good eye." Ren complimented. "I do not know."

**Future Church 2: "Your next plan? Goes about as well as the first one does."**

**The Churches continue popping in to place and fill the room**

**Gamma: "uh oh."**

**Cut to many many many Churches talking amongst themselves at the top of the ramp**

"How can he be that bad? He knows everything thats going to happen!" Weiss complained.

**Future Church: "(running up the ramp) What the hell is all of this?"**

**Future Church 2: "Oh, here he is. Late again."**

"Hmm." Ren mumbled.

**Future Church: "Who are you guys?"**

**Future Church 2: "We're you, dumbass! We just keep screwing up and getting blown back to the computer terminal. Then we teleport here to try again."**

**Future Church 4: "I know that man, you told me last time."**

**Future Church 2: "I'm not talking to** _ **you**_ **, I'm talking to the** _ **new**_ **you!"**

"I'm so confused!" Nora yelled holding her head.

"Me too!" Ruby said doing the same.

**Future Church 4: "Oh, right, sorry about that I'm still gettin' used to all this."**

**Future Church 9: "Dumbass."**

**Future Church 4: "Hey, shut up."**

"It must be strange, being in a room of yourselves, with the only difference being experience." Ren commented.

"Hmm yes." Pyrrha agreed.

**Future Church: "How did all you guys screw up?"**

**Future Church 2: "Well, when Tucker points the rocket launcher at us, I tried to explain the situation to everybody, and oddly, Caboose was really the only person who understood it right away. Anyway, by the time I finished answering questions the bomb went off and I got sent back in time."**

"So just hold questions until the end." Yang said laughing at her own joke as the others groaned.

 **Future Church 3: "Right, then I teleported** _ **back**_ **to Sidewinder, and thought, if I could shoot Wyoming, before he shoots Tucker, then I can fix everything. But I shot Wyoming, then Tucker shot me with the rocket launcher, the bomb went off anyway, and I got sent back in time."**

"Yeah, still don't get why he thought a rocket launcher would disarm a bomb." Blake commented.

**Future Church 4: "And then I teleported back, and just decided to kill everybody that I could see."**

"Woah" Yang said.

"That's awful." Pyrrha said.

"He must have snapped." Blake said.

**Future Church: "Why did you do that?"**

**Future Church 4: "I dunno, seemed like fun. I think I went a little nuts there for a while."**

"Definitely snapped." Blake added.

**Future Church: "Well, what did you do?"**

**Yellow Church: "Dude, don't ask. Trust me, it, it didn't work."**

"Hmmmm." Yang mumbled thinking.

 **Future Church 72: "So now we all come back here** _ **beforehand**_ **to discuss what we did, and see if we can collectively come up with a better plan beforehand."**

"That was bad writing." Blake commented.

**Future Church 4: "You said beforehand twice."**

"Never mind it was intentional." Blake said.

**Future Church: "Oh. Well in that case, what I was thinking about doing was-"**

**All Future Churches: "That won't work."**

**Future Church: "Hey I got it, who's the last Church?"**

"Huh?" Weiss mumbled confused.

**Future Church 4: "Huh?"**

**Future Church: "Which one of you, is the latest version of me?"**

**Future Church n: "Um, I guess that would be me. I've already tried all the stuff that all these other guys have done, even him,(gestures to Yellow Church) so, I guess that makes me the latest version."**

"The one that has done everything?" Ruby asked.

"Yeah I think so." Yang answered.

**Future Church: "Well that must mean you're the one that gets it right then."**

**Future Church n: "What do you mean?"**

**Future Church: "Well, if you're the last Church, you must be the one that fixes everything. Otherwise, there'd be a thousand other Churches here, still trying to get it right."**

"Wait but wouldn't that mean he has already told him that? Told himself that? When he was- never mind it's all too confusing." Weiss complained.

"Yeah, time travel is weird." Ruby said.

"And a bad plot device." Blake commented.

"Still sticking with that huh?" Yang said.

"So am I." Weiss said raising a hand.

**Future Church n: "I see."**

**Future Church: "Wait, why am I explaining this to you? If you're the latest Church, then you've been me, explaining this to you already."**

"At least they acknowledge it." Jaune pointed out.

**Future Church n: "Uh yeah, I know, I just didn't wanna steal my own thunder. I thought it was a pretty good idea."**

"I can understand that." Yang said smiling.

**Future Churches: "Thanks!"**

**Future Church 872: "Thanks."**

**Future Church n: "Okay, well I'm gonna go do whatever it is that fixes all this, wish me luck guys."**

**Future Church: "What're you gonna do?"**

**Future Church n: "You know what? I'm just gonna go free Tex, and wing it. 'Cause every time I've made a plan, it's fallen apart. I figure, why not just improvise."**

"I can also get behind that." Yang said grinning wider.

"It's always better to be prepared." Weiss said.

"If you wing it then your enemy will always be surprised." Yang said holding up a finger.

Weiss narrowed her eyes. "Is that a lesson from your Uncle Qrow I hear so much about?"

"Yep! He is a true genius." Ruby said laughing along with Yang.

**Future Church n runs off towards destiny... down the hall**

**Future Church 2: "So what** _ **did**_ **you do?"**

**Yellow Church: "Oh man, seemed like such a good idea at the time."**

Yang started laughing hysterically, tears were threatening to leave her eyes.

"Yang? What is it?" Ruby asked.

"Oh soooo gross! I know what he did!" Yang yelled.

"What did he do?" Weiss asked cautiously.

"Think about it! He's yellow and-" Yang started.

"Ohhh no." Jaune said realizing it.

"Might have wanted to protect himself from the bomb." Yang said.

Blake gagged.

"...Yang please tell me you're wrong." Ruby begged.

"He got the others to take a pi-" Yang started before Ruby clamped a hand over her mouth. The muffled phrase of "on him" was silent but just enough for Blake to hear.

Blake groaned and went to get a drink, before quickly deciding against it.

**Cut to Tex back on Sidewinder**

**Tex: "Church! O'Malley and Wyoming tied me up. Get me outta here!"**

**Future Church n-17: "You got it. Wait a second, would this be a good thing, or a bad thing?"**

**Tex: "How is setting me free a bad thing?"**

**Future Church n-17: "I'm not sure. If I set you free, will you promise not to get close to me?"**

**Tex: "I'm already close to you."**

**Future Church n-17: "No no not me me, the other me me, the one with the bomb."**

"I'm still so confused." Nora said.

**Tex: "What?"**

**Enter Future Church n stage left**

**Future Church n: "Oh right, I forgot, I already** _ **set**_ **Tex free one of the other times.** _ **Oh sweet,**_ **then that means I'm the guy that interrupts me, and then confuses Tex."**

"Ugh! Which Church is which!" Yang complained.

**Tex: "I'm totally confused."**

"Same here." Yang, Nora, and Ruby said in unison.

 **Future Church n: "Oh don't worry Tex, I'm just supposed to tell** _ **him**_ **that it's okay to set Tex free."**

**Future Church n-17: "It is?"**

**Future Church n: "Well, that's what I said to me when I was you, and it seemed to work out okay."**

**Tex: "Seriously, this is really confusing."**

"We know!" Blake yelled.

**Future Church n-17: "Okay, you're free Tex. Now to execute the second part of my plan. I'm gonna possess Lopez, and then use his lightning machine to defuse the bomb. Seeya! (runs off)"**

"That explains that." Ren commented.

**Future Church n: "Good luck! (to Tex) Yeah, that's totally not gonna work. Tex, I recommend you get down there, and try to defuse the bomb that's in Church's stomach. I think you're about the only one here that can do it. And Tex? The one thing I didn't realize before was this. Maybe I'm the last Church not because I fix everything, but because I died and there's no way I can come back. And if that happens, I just wanna let you know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry I got you mixed up in all this stupid stuff. I'm sorry I wasn't a better guy than I should've been. I'm sorry for... fwell, for a lot of stuff."**

"Wow." Jaune said.

"That was so heartfelt and just...nice. I think Church and Tex are going to get back together." Pyrrha said.

"Some ghost on ghost action." Yang said grinning.

"You ruined the mood." Weiss sighed.

" **...But, if we** _ **do**_ **survive this, then it's totally because of me, and you should build a fucking statue in my honor."**

"Hey it doesn't matter, he would have ruined the mood a second later. Yang said grinning.

"A statue in his honor?! How narcissistic is that!" Weiss yelled.

"You used to be a bit of a narcissist." Pyrrha pointed out before freezing up. "Sorry" she mumbled.

"It's fine Pyrrha." Weiss laughed.

**Tex runs off**

**Future Church n: "I'm serious! Somethin' cool. Like me on a horse!** _**No no no wait, a motorcycle!"** _

"Ohhhh, a statue of me on Bumblebee." Yang said thinking aloud.

**Cut to Tucker getting the rocket launcher shot out of his hands for the n+1th time**

**Tucker: "What the hell!?"**

**Wyoming: "Sorry Private Tucker but I always get my man. Say goodbye mate."**

**Simmons: "Uh guys? I hate to interrupt, but, zero seconds."**

**Tucker: "Uh oh."**

**Future Church n approaches from behind Caboose**

**Caboose: "Church!"**

"That is very clever." Ren said grinning.

"What's he doing?" Yang asked.

"Oh I see what he's doing!" Ruby smiled.

"Sometimes the best solution, is the simplest." Pyrrha said.

"Modern problems require modern solutions and all that." Jaune added.

**Future Church n: "What can I tell you dipshit. For better or for worse, I'm back."**

**Halo explodes, yet again, and we fade in to Sarge going ape-shit about the bomb.**

Nora was amazed yet again at the explosion.

**Sarge: "We're all gonna die, starting with Grif! Everyone, get ready to kiss yer ass goodbye! Simmons, you can have the honor of kissing mine."**

"Wait is he just going to appear back there?" Weiss asked.

"That wouldn't make any sense at all." Blake complained.

**Future Church n, who for the sake of convenience shall simply be called Church from this point forward, pops in to existence and drops down behind Caboose**

**Church: "Hey everybody, what's up?"**

**Caboose: "I am so happy that you made it in time to die with me. We will get to be smithereens together!"**

Pyrrha smiled at Caboose's line.

**Church: "That won't be necessary, Caboose. Hey Gary how ya doing?"**

**Gamma switches on and green text appears.**

**Gamma: "not bad. although my static ion sub-matrix is a little itchy."**

"Computers can't be itchy" Weiss commented.

Ruby groaned at how Lucky Penny was.

**Simmons: "The computer can talk?"**

**Grif: "The computer's name is** _**Gary?"** _

**Gamma: "how have you been, church?"**

**Church: "Good, thanks for asking. Listen, would you do me a favor? Could you shut off the bomb please."**

**Gamma: "no problem."**

"How can he shut off the bomb?" Weiss said.

"Just go with it at this point." Blake sighed out.

**The bomb defuses at 0:01, just like all good television bombs do**

"That's very cliche." Jaune added.

**Sarge: "Gahr, you mean to tell me you could have turned off the bomb this whole time, and you didn't say so? And don't say I didn't-"**

**Gary: "you didn't ask."**

**Sarge: "Ehr, ferkin derglers."**

"What kind of curse is that?" Yang asked to no answers.

**Church: "Man, it is really great to see you guys."**

**Tucker: "You seem like you're in a good mood."**

**Church: "I learned a very valuable lesson in my travels, Tucker. No matter how bad things might seem-"**

"They could be worse." Pyrrha finished. "A good lesson."

Ruby, Ren, and Weiss agreed.

**Caboose: "They could be worse."**

**Church: "Nope, no matter how bad they seem, they can't be any better, and they can't be any worse, because that's the way things fucking are, and you better get used to it Nancy. Quit yer bitching."**

Yang laughed. "That...That! Is an amazing lesson wow! Now I'm learning life lessons. Quit yer bitchin and get over it, this is how things are so deal with it and fix it." Yang said.

"Hmm, that actually seems like a good lesson too, but not to cheer someone up." Pyrrha pointed out.

"People can cheer up when they fix their problems." Yang said.

**Caboose: "Where have you been?"**

**Church: "You want the long version or the short version?"**

**Caboose: "I will take the easy version please."**

**Tucker: "Oh I wanna hear the long version. But can you tell me in three parts?"**

**The screen cut to black.**

Yang laughed.

"Oh I get it, because his whole story was three episodes long." Jaune said laughing.

"Next one?" Ruby asked.

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**-any and all nit picks/small things that you don't like**

**-Thanks!**


	53. S3E53 Let's Come to Order

**Author's Note:**

**Thank you to all who helped me, I can fix a lot of the things you recommended the hardest though will be the grammar fixes and the whole "he said" "he said surprised" thing, I did get a lot of help from the people who mentioned it though so I will try my best to break out of my habit and use the big boy words for your reading pleasure. I have already made a list of the words the two reviewers gave so give a big thanks to CruisinEugen and A Dark Winter's Wind.**

**For those who don't read authors notes much, tell me the what you hate about my story and tell me how I can improve.**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 53- Let's Come to Order**

" **Let's Come to Order" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All who were watching hummed.

**Fade in to the blues, with Tucker holding the super badass energy sword. The cool model not the *cough cough* shitty 343 design *cough***

**Church: "You got this thing where?"**

**Tucker: "Right up there." Tucker gestured to the spot where he got the sword. everyone who played halo knows that awesome spot.**

**Caboose: "So... You went back in time, and didn't change... anything."**

"He changed plenty." Weiss commented.

"Technically he didn't" Jaune pointed out.

"And technically he did." Blake pointed out too, raising a finger.

"I just hope they never mention time travel again." Weiss sighed. "I hate it."

"Time travel is cool!" Ruby said waving her arms.

**Church: "Uh yeah, I was just like a, passive observer."**

"He's lying" Yang chuckled.

**Caboose: "I would have tried to save your life. ...From me!"**

**Church: "Yeah I didn't think of that. Hey, Tucker I don't think it's a good idea that you're keeping that thing."**

**Tucker: "You're just pissed because you don't have one."**

"Yeah I am too." Jaune grumbled.

"Like I said, Atlas will make it as best they can, then once they perfect it you can get the terrible prototype." Weiss explained.

Ruby's eyes lit up "And then I can upgrade it and make it better than their better models!"

"I doubt it." Weiss said bluntly. "From what Winter said, the scientists were practically drooling over a weapon like that. They're going to give it their all."

"Uhhh, you do know how crazy my sister is about weapons right?" Yang raised an eyebrow. "I don't think any of those scientists can top her."

"Good point." Weiss conceded.

**Church: "No, you must have me confused with Tex. She's been staring at you non-stop since you found that thing."**

**Cut to Tex staring at the sword like it was the last piece of juicy but well cooked and seasoned steak.**

Yang started laughing and looked at Ruby who was staring at the sword too.

**Tex: "...That's not true."**

**Church: "You haven't taken your eyes off it."**

**Tex: "Yes I have."**

**Church: "Then why haven't you looked at me the entire time I've been talkin'?"**

**Tex: "I'm looking at you right now. (still looking at the sword)"**

Jaune and Yang laughed.

**Church: "No-hoh you're not!"**

"The voice acting has gotten so much better" Blake commented.

 **Tex: "** _ **I've already seen you.**_ **Not too impressed."**

Yang leaned back and clapped her hands together laughing. "I _love_ Tex!"

**Caboose: "I would have tried to save Tex, too..."**

**Church: "Well I didn't Caboose, I didn't try to save me, I didn't try to save Tex, and I sure as hell didn't make millions of copies of myself trying to keep the bomb from goin' off."**

"That is technically true for his last attempt." Pyrrha commented.

**Caboose: "Oh.** _**Because that was my next suggestion."** _

**Church: "Leave me alone, Caboose. I didn't wanna mess with the timeline."**

**Caboose: "Time,** _ **line?**_ **Time isn't made out of lines. It is made out of circles. That is why clocks are round."**

"That's a great quote." Jaune commented laughing.

**Tex: "Man, that thing is really shiny."**

**Tucker: "Yep."**

**Church: "Tucker man, I still think- the computer told me that thing is a very important relic, for some ancient culture. I wouldn't go swinging it around like that."**

"He still can't remember Gary's name huh?" Yang commented with a raised eyebrow.

**Tucker: "Yeah? Well I think it's just a kickass piece of bling. And who're you gonna believe, me, or some super-smart stupid talking computer?"**

"I would trust the computer more." Weiss said.

"I would trust my friend more." Ruby said.

"I still don't think they're friends." Blake said.

**Cut to Sarge addressing Grif and Simmons**

**Sarge: "Men, thanks for meeting on short notice. so covertly."**

**Grif: "No problem. I had to move my lunch with the Pope, but uh, he was cool with it. He owes me. I helped him pick the hat."**

Yang groaned. "More references we don't get."

"Don't worry Yang, I write all references we don't understand into my notes." Ren said holding up his notepad. "Speaking of which, does anyone have a spare notepad or notebook?"

"I got you." Yang said tossing her empty notebook at Ren who caught it without looking.

"Yang!" Weiss Growled. "That was supposed to be your notebook all year!"

"I haven't used it all year though?" Yang said scratching her head.

Weiss frowned and grumbled to herself.

"What? I can remember it all in my head." Yang explained.

**Simmons: "Shut up."**

**Sarge: "I don't want the blues finding out about this meeting, so I want us all to agree here and now we're gonna keep this between ourselves."**

**Grif: "Sir I don't know if you've noticed, but we're not exactly buddy-buddy with those guys anyway."**

**Simmons: "Eh, I'm not really in the market for new friends. I'm not sure that I'm happy with the current crop."**

Weiss and Blake chuckled.

**Grif: "No offense Sarge."**

**Sarge: "Grif, tell us what you discovered on the radio."**

Ruby wracked her brain. "Wait did I miss something?"

"No, this is new." Weiss answered.

**Grif: "** _**Me!?"** _

**Simmons: "Um, actually** _ **I'm**_ **the one who heard the distress signal."**

"That makes more sense than Grif actually doing something." Blake chuckled.

**Sarge: "Uh huh, see I thought-"**

**Grif: "Yeah, I can't use the radio."**

**Simmons: "Yeah, I discovered the distress signal. That was me."**

**Sarge: "I don't know how I got that mixed up."**

**Simmons: "It's okay sir, as long as everyone's clear, who heard it first."**

"What a kissass." Yang commented.

**Sarge: "Sorry about that Simmons."**

**Grif: "Why do you care?"**

**Simmons: "No really sir, it's no problem. I think it's important to get proper credit when some of us are working hard discovering distress signals on the Warthog's radio, while others are hanging out in the back seat,** _**monkeying about!"** _

"Monkeying about? Is that their version of monkeying around?" Jaune asked.

"Seems like it, only a minor difference." Ren said while writing in his notes.

 **Grif: "Okay, first off, monkeying about? And secondly, I don't think listening to the radio classifies as working. And thirdly,** _ **monkeying about?**_ **Come on, dude."**

"Maybe it's not their version?" Ren mumbled.

**Simmons: "It's a real phrase."**

**Grif: "Bullshit, that's what you said about horse-doodling."**

"Those definitely aren't real phrases." Blake said.

**Simmons: "People say it all the time."**

**Grif: "What people."**

**Simmons: "Oh lots of people, all the time. But nobody you would know."**

"I have a girlfriend but she goes to another academy, you wouldn't know her." Yang said in a mocking voice before laughing.

"Huh?" Jaune raised an eyebrow.

"Just some dumb excuse I've heard from a bunch of guys when I rejected them." Yang said waving him off.

Weiss's eyes widened in disbelief "Really? Their excuse was to say they had a girlfriend anyway."

"Yep." Yang said popping the p.

"That's ego on another level." Blake added.

Yang shrugged "I mean girls do the same thing."

Blake nodded, "Ego on another level." She repeated.

 **Sarge: "No need to get upset fellas, I think we're all clear now. Simmons is the one who** _ **heard**_ **the distress signal, and Grif was the one monkeying around."**

Ren sighed and scratched out his notes.

**Simmons: "** _**About** _ **."**

**Sarge: "Say who now?"**

**Simmons: "Monkeying,** _**about** _ **."**

**Grif: "Yeah, people say it all the time sir, you'll wanna get it right. Otherwise you'll sound like a jackass."**

Yang and Blake laughed.

**Sarge: "Can we please get back to the purpose of this meeting!?"**

"What was the purpose? Sorry I got distracted." Pyrrha said.

**Grif: "Yeah, what is the purpose exactly?"**

"Oh good." Pyrrha smiled.

**Sarge: "I wanted Simmons to tell us he heard a distress signal on the radio. Okay, go ahead Simmons."**

**Simmons: "... Uhm, I heard a distress signal, while listening to the radio."**

"That's it?" Weiss asked in disbelief.

**Grif: "** _**I know** _ **, I was in the car with you when you heard it. In fact, why are we even having this meeting? Everyone here already knows you heard a distress signal on the radio."**

"I can't believe I'm agreeing with him." Weiss said gesturing to the screen.

**Sarge: "I just wanna make sure everyone is on the same page."**

"That's good of him...at least." Pyrrha said awkwardly.

**Grif: "Same page? There's only one page! You know what the page says? Simmons heard a God damn distress call on the radio, the end."**

**Simmons: "Oh look, down there at the bottom it also says P.S. Grif was monkeying about."**

**Grif: "Well I can see why we don't have lots of meetings, the only person who** _ **doesn't**_ **know is Donut, and he's not even here!"**

"Grif would make a much better sergeant than Sarge." Blake commented.

"What about Simmons?" Weiss asked.

"He's a follower." Blake answered simply.

"Do you really think he would follow any of Grif's orders?" Yang asked.

"Maybe." Blake said shrugging.

 **Sarge: "That's because I asked Donut to distract the blues so we could** _ **have**_ **this secret meeting."**

"That's smartish." Pyrrha said.

**Cut to Donut distracting the blues. Tex is still staring at the weapon**

**Donut: "And that's the story of how I saved Christmas!"**

"Does that ring a bell?" Blake asked looking around.

"Another reference." Yang sighed.

"Thanks again for the notebook Yang." Ren said while writing.

**Caboose: "I did not even know the North Pole was in San Francisco.** _**This changes everything** _ **."**

Ren mumbled as he continued writing.

**Tucker: "Yeah, and I don't think Santa's suit is a leather biker's outfit."**

**Church: "Hey wait a second, why are we letting this pink guy distract us?"**

"Smart." Pyrrha commented.

**Donut: "I'm not distracting you."**

**Church: "Yeah you are, while we're sitting here jabbering the reds are over there monkeying about!"**

Blake and Weiss laughed.

**Donut: "** _**yes"** _

**The screen faded to black**

"Ok next one please." Ruby asked/commanded.

* * *

**My pm's are open to**

**-Suggestions for this FanFiction**

**-Requests for any new FanFictions**

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**-Reviews**

**-Pointing out any and all mistakes**

**-Questions, any and all**

**-the worst thing(s) about this story**

**-the best thing(s) about this story**

**-how I can fix the worst things**

**-how I can improve the best things**

**-any and all nit picks/small things that you don't like**

**-Thanks!**


	54. S3E54 Hello My Name is Andrew

**Author's Note:**

**Still listening to the 99 nights soundtrack on PrimeHades youtube account while I write and goddamn I recommend it, specifically Arrival, Defender of Truth, Tokyo remix, The four seasons Eternal mix, 99 nights theme and from a distant forest.**

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**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

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**Chapter 54- Hello My Name is Andrew**

" **Hello My Name is Andrew" appeared on the screen.**

After they hummed the theme Ren started analyzing the title.

"Hmm, new character?" Ren asked/suggested.

"Maybe it's another reference." Yang sighed.

**Fade in to Tex overlooking the Reds with the other blues.**

**Tex: "See? They're down there, messing with the radio."**

**Church: "Oh, so** _ **that's**_ **what they're doin'."**

**Tex: "Yeah. They must be plotting something."**

"Definitely looks like plotting." Blake agreed.

**Church: "Or, maybe they're just listening to the radio."**

**Tex: "I know plotting when I see it. That's plotting."**

"Mmm hmm." Blake hummed.

**Tucker: "Maybe they're** _**scheming."** _

"No scheming is different." Blake explained.

"What?" Yang asked raising an eyebrow.

"They both mean the same thing." Weiss explained.

"Plotting looks like an open conversation to do something. Scheming is more secretive." Blake explained.

**Tex: "No scheming looks different. That's definitely plotting. They're gonna try something."**

"See?" Blake said gesturing to the screen.

**Tucker: "Why? I already told them Red and Blue are the same, it's all a conspiracy."**

"But Vic wanted them to think it was all a conspiracy, that's why he put the hit out on Tucker." Blake said confused.

"It is strange." Ren agreed.

"Well that plot point doesn't matter, because of the time Travel." Weiss groaned.

 **Church: "And I told** _ **you**_ **that's not true. Vic just made it up to confuse us."**

"Hmm that can be true." Blake mumbled.

"Now the question is, why would he confuse them" Ren stated.

**Tucker: "That just means he's part of the conspiracy."**

"That's definitely true." Blake commented.

 **Church: "But he's the one that** _ **told you**_ **Red and Blue are the same."**

"Ugh which makes it all so confusing." Ruby said grabbing her head.

**Tucker: "Exactly."**

**Church: "Wait are, are you talking about a conspiracy that Red and Blue are the same, or a conspiracy that Red and Blue are different?"**

"Neither right?" Weiss asked looking to Ren and Blake.

"He wants to distract them from something important." Jaune started. "Maybe the experiment idea was right but it's just to...never mind I have no idea."

"Yeah, if it was still to test military equipment or for entertainment then they would have wanted them to still think they were fighting." Blake said.

"Whatever it is, it seems wrong." Pyrrha said looking down.

"It's cruel." Ruby added angrily.

"Maybe it involves Tex somehow?" Yang suggested.

Jaune gasped. "Or maybe all freelancers!"

Ren's attention snapped to Jaune. "That's right! It could involve them. Good suggestion Jaune."

"Hey I suggested it first!" Yang said crossing her arms.

"Good suggestion Yang." Ren said automatically, he was too busy drawing lines connecting things to one another in his notebook. It looked like a miniature version of a detectives wall of evidence.

**Tucker: "Exactly."**

**Church: "You just keep saying exactly, do you have a theory or don't you?"**

"I don't think he does." Pyrrha commented.

**Tex: "Look, I don't care about Red, or Blue. All I know, is that those guys are up to something down there."**

**Tucker: "Maybe they're planning to use the radio to beam secret messages to the fillings in my teeth."**

"Sounds like another conspiracy theory, like the ones from when they first switched to Ring three." Jaune pointed out.

"They sure have a lot of conspiracy theories." Pyrrha commented.

"Does Vale have any popular ones with the crazies." Yang asked laughing lightly.

"Yeah, the most popular one in all of Remnant is that someone is controlling the Grimm but no one really believes that except the same people who wear those crazy hats in Atlas to protect from DBW. Dust Brain Washing." Jaune listed off.

"Any others?" Ruby asked curiously.

"Well, the most popular in Vale is that information is controlled and hidden from the public to keep the people happy, a lot of people believe that one even people who aren't crazy, the crazy people believe that there's also drugs in our food to keep us happy." Jaune explained.

"Sugar!" Nora yelled. "Sugar to keep us happy, it's true!" Nora said shaking.

"No no no, Nora...it's not true." Ren said quickly.

"Well he did say the crazy people believed it..." Yang whispered to Blake who chuckled.

"There's also a popular one in Mistral about Grimm spider people stalking everyone and keeping webs of information on everyone." Pyrrha added.

Weiss sighed laughing. "People are crazy."

Pyrrha laughed at her comment, "Yes they are, but luckily they get help."

**Church: "Secret messages about** _**what!?"** _

**Tucker: "Exactly."**

**Caboose popped up behind them on a ramp.**

**Caboose: "They are probably trying to tune in to the distress signal they heard on the radio."**

"Wow Caboose is useful." Weiss said surprised.

Pyrrha glared at Weiss. "He's always been useful."

**Church: "What makes you say that?"**

**Caboose: "Oh, I know all the details. They were in their car,** _**the Boss Hogg** _ **, when Simmin, heard a distress signal, on, the radio, and Gruff was in the back seat. With a monkey."**

Yang, Weiss, and Blake laughed.

Pyrrha sighed, "well...he is less than intelligent." She tried to say nicely.

Jaune laughed and smiled at Pyrrha, she was too nice for her own good, kind of like Ruby. She loved helping people and believing in those who were weak.

**Tucker: "Hmm, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume that some of that is wrong."**

"I still love the dialogue in this show." Blake commented.

**Church: "How do you know all this Caboose?"**

**Caboose: "Andy told me."**

"Andy? Short for Andrew." Yang pointed out.

Ren nodded and everyone looked at the screen with new interest.

**Church: "** _**Andy,** _ **who's Andy? Are you, are you Andy?" Church said looking at Tucker.**

**Tucker: "I'm not Andy, I'm Tucker."**

"How would he not know that?" Nora asked looking around.

"His first name maybe?" Ruby suggested.

**Church: "No, I know, what's your first name?"**

Ren got his notepad ready.

**Tucker: "Lavernius."**

Ruby, Yang, and Nora snorted.

"Wow that's a weird name." Yang said laughing.

**Church: "Lavernius, well then who's this Andy g- wait a second... are you black?"**

Everyone raised an eyebrow or had some look of confusion on their face.

"What black like the skin color?" Ruby asked.

"I think so, we already theorized that in their universe or culture they discriminate based on skin color." Ren explained.

"That's weird." Ruby said.

"How would he not know Tucker's skin color?" Pyrrha asked. "They're teammates."

"Guys aren't comfortable getting naked in front of each other, Right guys?" Yang asked suggestively with a huge grin.

Said guys blushed and looked away from each other.

"So are most girls!" Weiss yelled blushing.

"Most girls I know are comfortable with it, I'm not." Blake explained.

"Honestly I'm just happy you finally took off your bow." Yang smiled.

Blake nodded. "I trust the seven of you.. the door is locked right? No one can barge in and see." Blake instinctively reached for her ears.

Ruby dashed to the door to check, "You're safe Blake!"

**Tucker: "Me?"**

**Church: "Yeah."**

**Tucker: "Does it matter?"**

"It shouldn't" Blake said glaring at the screen.

**Church: "No. I'm just curious."**

**Tucker: "Well if it doesn't matter then why are you curious?"**

"Tucker is getting pretty offended." Yang commented.

Blake huffed. "It's the same as people asking random Faunus if they are a Faunus."

Yang nodded.

"That makes sense." Pyrrha added.

**Church: "I don't know, I guess that's just something I should have picked up on after all this time."**

"It really is." Pyrrha commented.

"Don't they have clothes under their armor?" Nora asked.

Ruby's eyes lit up "It looks like they have an under-suit that's flexible maybe it-"

Yang groaned. "Ruby! Rambling" Yang warned.

Ruby blushed. "Right! Sorry."

**Tucker: "You know what else you should have picked up on? My fucking first name!"**

Yang laughed while Pyrrha sighed. "Terrible teammates." She muttered.

"Hmm, If Tucker is black then this could explain some things about their culture." Ren commented.

"What does it explain?" Jaune asked.

"Well, Lavernius could be a for lack of a better term, Black name. This also adds to the evidence of race being a bigger issue." Ren explained. "Tucker doesn't understand spanish so I don't think he's Mexican or Latino."

"If their culture has issues on race who comes out on top?" Blake asked.

"Why does someone come out on top?" Jaune asked.

Blake sighed. "If someone is being discriminated, someone comes out on top." She explained.

"Well...maybe the discrimination is equal, like each race discrimi- never mind." Jaune said blushing after he realized how stupid he sounded.

Blake glared at Jaune for a second before laughing which confused everyone.

"Equal discrimination?" Blake repeated questioningly before laughing again.

"That's probably the dumbest thing I've said all week." Jaune said blushing even more as Yang joined in on the laughter.

 **Cut to the Reds, with** **Gruff** **Grif sitting in the** **Boss Hogg** **Warthog**

**Distress Signal: "Distress, distress, help, we don't need any more distress, distress, whoah man, it's a lot of distress."**

"Hmmm, maybe this is Sheila." Ren mumbled.

"Wait, I thought Church was going to be the one to call Sheila?" Ruby said scratching her head in confusion.

"I'm pretty sure he asked her to give them a call, but you could be right and Church called her to send out a call." Ren said to accommodate Ruby's theory.

"Wait but...why would she be sending out a distress signal?" Yang asked.

"She doesn't sound very distressed." Weiss joked.

Yang, Pyrrha, and Blake chuckled at her joke.

**Simmons: "That's all it says, it doesn't even say where or who."**

**Sarge: "We know who it is, it's on the Red Army open channel! That means the Reds have survived in to the future. Doncha see what this means?"**

"Hmm, that probably means it's not Sheila." Ren said crossing out something in his notes.

"Yeah because it's on the Red Army open channel right?" Ruby asked.

"Right." Jaune confirmed.

**Grif: "Hughhhhhhh, that we have absolutely no hope of ever getting out of this army."**

**Sarge: "No, it means we must have beaten the Blues! Otherwise there wouldn't be any Reds left. Finally, victory is ours! Wait a minute, this means I missed the entire war, aw dammit!"**

Nora laughed. "Go Red team!"

"What! I thought you were for Blue team!" Ruby yelled.

Nora laughed evilly "I'm switching sides!"

Ruby gasped "What about Team RRYN!"

Yang glared at her. "Traitor!"

"Does this mean I have to support Red team now?" Ren asked Nora raising an eyebrow. When Nora glared back Ren got his answer.

"Are you all still for Red team?" Ruby asked desperately.

"I'm actually going to switch over to the Blue team. For Caboose." Pyrrha explained.

"And I will too, for Tucker, I still think he just puts up a confident mask." Jaune explained thinking of how he used to be.

"I'm still for Red team." Weiss said.

"Me too." Blake added.

"I thought you would be for Blue team because it's the one team with a female character." Yang said trying to convince them to join.

"Remember what Tex said? She doesn't care about Red or Blue. She's a freelancer." Weiss explained.

Yang gasped. "You're right...well guess I'm not for Red or Blue."

"What!" Ruby gasped. "How dare my own sister betray me!"

"Don't worry Ruby, we're here for you now." Pyrrha said putting a hand on Ruby's shoulder as she laughed. Jaune smiled and did the same.

"So what are team names now?" Jaune asked looking around.

"I have no team name, I'm lone wolf now." Yang said grinning.

"You can be Agent Patch." Ren suggested. "Because each freelancer is named after some state."

Yang smiled. "Agent Patch, I like it!"

"We can be team RainBow! RNBW!" Nora yelled with a fist in the air.

Ruby pointed a finger at Nora's face. "I made up that name and you stole it!"

"We can be team RPJ like RPG but the J makes a Jee sound." Jaune suggested.

"What's an RPG?" Pyrrha asked.

"Role Playing Game." Jaune, Ruby, and Yang answered.

Ruby glared at Yang in mock anger. "Don't speak to me Traitor!"

Yang laughed before making her face serious. "Tex is a badass and I will defend her!"

"I- I guess you have a ladyboner for Tex!" Ruby shouted with a grin.

Everyone stopped and stared at Ruby who was now blushing so hard that she matched her cape.

Yang's eyes lit up and she grinned from ear to ear. "Awwwwwww! I'm so proud of yoooouuuu!" She yelled hugging Ruby who desperately tried to get away before giving in.

"Awwe that's sweet." Pyrrha said.

Jaune laughed before hitting Play.

 **Grif: "Yeah, everything** _ **must**_ **be great. That's why they sent out a** _ **distress signal.**_ "

**Donut: "Maybe it's not a distress signal. Maybe it's a dis-Dress signal. Maybe it's an open invitation to some formal ball!"**

Weiss groaned. "Ugh I hated those."

"They lost me at Formal." Yang said.

Weiss and Yang laughed together.

**Grif: "Oh-kay, let's go with Sarge's version."**

**Sarge: "Simmons, have you tracked the source?"**

**Simmons: "Well Sir, all I can tell is the direction, I have no idea how far it is."**

**Sarge: "Why not? I thought** _ **you**_ **were our Unofficial Science Officer."**

**Simmons: "That just means I'm smart. If you want me to multiply two big numbers in my head, that I can do. But I can't measure radio signals with no equipment!"**

"He kind of has a big head." Jaune commented.

"He seems nerdy, maybe he makes up for weakness with brains." Blake suggested.

"That makes sense, but anyone can improve strength." Pyrrha said looking to Jaune.

**Grif: "What's thirty-two times, fifty-six?"**

**Simmons: "Thirty-one thousand, four hundred fifty-two."**

"What? i'm not good at math but that can't be right can it?" Yang asked.

"No it's 1792" Ren answered a second later.

"How did he get that so wrong?" Jaune asked.

"Maybe he's not that smart either or he was messing with them." Yang suggested.

**Sarge: "Is that right?"**

**Simmons: "Yes."**

**Sarge: "That's pretty impressive."**

**Simmons: "Eh, you know, it's a gift."**

"No he's just lying, he's a bad liar." Blake said.

**Cut to a shot of the unexploded Andy, and Caboose talking to the Blues**

**Caboose: "This, is Andy. Andy this is Tex, and Tucker. Uh, the black one is Tex, and the other black one is Tucker."**

Blake and Weiss laughed at the slightly subtle joke.

**Tucker: "Andy's the bomb?"**

**Caboose: "Uhhh, Andy prefers the term "Explosive American."**

"American..." Ren mumbled.

**Tucker: "Are you making fun of me?"**

"How would he be making fun of him?" Ruby asked.

"Maybe it's just another joke we don't get." Yang said.

"Hmm maybe Americans are black, so now we know two races and cultures. Mexicans and Latinos speak Spanish, we don't know much about their culture or skin color. We don't even know if Mexicans and Latinos are the same thing for sure. Americans are Black and speak English, but the others aren't black it seems but also speak English." Ren said mostly to himself.

"You're forgetting Simmons, he said he was Dutch Irish." Jaune pointed out.

Ren nodded. "You're right thank you."

**Caboose: "He told me all about what the Reds are up to.** _**Didn't you Andy..."** _

**Andy: "..."**

**Caboose: "Yes. -and then we talked about,** _ **all our adventures,**_ **did you know that he used to know Sheila? Isn't that right Andy?"**

**Andy: "..."**

"I think Caboose made an imaginary friend." Yang said.

"Oh no he's going crazy." Ruby mumbled.

Weiss sighed, she used to have imaginary friends when she was really young, she grew out of that coping mechanism when she got older though.

**Tucker: "Ehm, Caboose, are you hearing the bomb talk right now?"**

**Caboose: "** _**Say something Andy. You are embarassing me in front of my friends."** _

"Hmm, maybe he's not going crazy." Pyrrha smiled.

**Tex: "Caboose, I think you're losing it."**

**Tucker: "Also I wouldn't really call us 'friends,' we're more like acquaintances or, people who work with other people they hate."**

**Cut to Church talking with Gamma**

**Church: "Gary, I need you to tell me some more about the Alien race that needs Tucker's sword."**

"Finally we are getting to learn more." Jaune said happily.

**Gamma: "I do not know anything about them."**

Jaune's face fell. "Nevermind" he huffed.

Ren huffed too.

 **Church: "You don't know** _ **anything**_ **about the Aliens that programmed you?"**

**Gamma: "correct. instead they filled all my memory banks with information about the great destroyer and his race."**

"What?" Ruby mumbled confused.

**Church: "You mean Humans."**

**Gamma: "that is not what they call you. but correct."**

**Church: "Why, what do they call us?"**

**Gamma: "...shisno."**

"That sounds racist." Blake frowned.

"Yeah, I can't imagine Shisno meaning anything good." Yang said.

**Church: "That's an insult, isn't it."**

**Gary: "perhaps this can best be explained in the form of a knock knock joke."**

"Knock knock." Yang said with a grin.

Ruby groaned. "Who's there?"

"Tank."

"Tank who?"

"You're welcome." Yang finished with a huge grin.

Everyone groaned.

"Oh nooooo! She mixed a Knock Knock joke with a pun!" Nora complained.

Jaune opened his mouth in horror. "It's a double whammy"

All the while Yang cackled with evil laughter.

**Church: "(sigh)"**

**Gary: "knock knock."**

**Church: "Who's there."**

**Gamma: "you are"**

**Church: "You are who."**

**Gamma: "you are a dirty dirty shisno. ha ha ha."**

Blake snarled. "Definitely Racist."

**Church: "Alright, what does it mean?"**

**Gamma: "what is the most foul-smelling animal on your planet?"**

Blake groaned.

**Church: "Uhm, a skunk. Wait so Shisno means skunk?"**

**Gamma: "not exactly. does a skunk defecate?"**

"It's getting worse." Blake sighed.

**Church: "** _**Yes..."** _

**Gamma: "and does the skunk's defecation in turn produce its own excrement?"**

"Oh gross!" Ruby yelled.

"How would that even work?" Nora wondered.

"Ugh don't ask." Yang groaned.

**Church: "Ew, no!"**

**Gamma: "then there is no equivalent for shisno in your language."**

**Church: "Gross."**

"I agree." Blake said angrily.

**Gamma: "like you would not believe."**

**Church: "Hey, does that bomb, ever talk to you?"**

**Gamma: "the bomb? no. never."**

"So Caboose is crazy." Yang said.

Pyrrha sighed. "Don't give up on him yet."

**Church: "Yeah, I didn't think so."**

**Gamma: "andy and I are not on speaking terms right now."**

Pyrrha smiled at everyone's gasps.

**Church: "Heh heh yeah. Wait, Andy?"**

**Gamma: "correct. he is kind of a jerk."**

**Andy: "I'm not the jerk, you're the jerk, jerk!"**

"The bomb...can talk." Blake said staring at the screen.

**Gamma: "that was very rude."**

**Andy: "Ah, shut up ya Shisno"**

**The screen faded to black.**

"Well he's pleasant." Weiss said sarcastically.

"He's racist too, great." Blake said equally sarcastic.

"Play the next one." Pyrrha ordered.

— **-Criminals SS—- Not Canon**

"Damn I hate that woman's voice." Mercury snarled.

"Who?" Emerald asked.

"Who do you think? The only damn woman in the show, Tex." Mercury explained.

"And why is that dear Mercury." Cinder asked narrowing her eyes.

"I don't know, she just sounds...familiar. That bitchy tone." Mercury said making sure to avoid Cinder's eyes.

Cinder hummed. "This show is becoming a very large waste of time."

Emerald's eyes brightened "Does that mean we can stop watching!"

"It means I will stop watching." Cinder said with a smirk. "I trust the two of you will continue to watch and pay attention for anything important."

The two grimaced but made no objections, they did not want to face the consequences of that.

"I have to meet with someone important for our plan, which we will go over again tonight. The plan only changes if absolutely necessary." Cinder explained right before she left.

As soon as the door shut Emerald let out a loud groan.

"This is just to keep you out of trouble." Emerald sighed.

"Well it's working, I like the show." Mercury grinned. "And I have someone to watch it with." He said smirking even more at her annoyed face.

Emerald huffed and got up but Mercury grabbed her arm.

"Disobeying Cinder tch tch tch" Mercury said waving a finger at her.

"I'm just getting a drink." Emerald said swatting Mercury's hand away.

Mercury laughed which annoyed Emerald even more. So much so that she cracked a glass in her hands. Which only lead Mercury to laugh even more.

* * *

**My pm's are open to**

**-Suggestions for this FanFiction**

**-Requests for any new FanFictions**

**-Advice on writing**

**-Reviews**

**-Pointing out any and all mistakes**

**-Questions, any and all**

**-the worst thing(s) about this story**

**-the best thing(s) about this story**

**-how I can fix the worst things**

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**-any and all nit picks/small things that you don't like**

**-Thanks!**

**Also Cinder and crew don't recognize voices because they don't pay attention in class, and haven't been at Beacon for a while. I imagine Cinder spends her class time scheming, she is smart but pride is her downfall, she focuses too much on her goal to gain power. The criminals really don't have any reason to watch the show, the only reason is that it was hacked. That's why Cinder left, and forced the other two to watch, she will return though don't worry.**


	55. S3E55 Defusing the Situation

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 55- Defusing the Situation**

" **Defusing the situation" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight hummed the theme with varying levels of enthusiasm.

After they finished humming Yang started laughing at the title.

Ruby sighed and put her head in her hands. "It's not a pun Yang."

"I know..." Yang said between laughs. "But it's funny!"

**Fade in to the Blues and Tex talking to Andy.**

**Tucker: "You're trying to tell us that this bomb can talk."**

Ruby frowned "Didn't he talk last episode?" She asked.

**Caboose: "I'm not telling you that, he's telling you that."**

**Andy: "Yeah, and I'm standing right here. You** _ **can**_ **talk to me."**

"I hate him already." Weiss said crossing her arms.

"Me too." Blake said nodding.

"Why?" Yang asked glaring at the two.

"He has that voice, he just sounds like an...asshole." Weiss said hesitantly.

Yang and Ruby started laughing at Weiss's curse while Blake nodded.

"And he's racist." Blake added.

**Tucker: "If you could talk this whole time, then why didn't you just... wait, why'm I talking to a bomb? I'm not doing this."**

"How can a bomb even talk?" Nora asked seriously. "Imagine if my grenades could talk!...oh no that would mean I've been killing my grenades!" Nora said with a horrified face.

"Nora if your grenades were sentient they would be happy to explode." Jaune commented remembering how all her grenades had hearts on them.

 **Andy: "What, am I not good enough to talk to? Who do you think** _ **you**_ **are, some kind of "too good to talk to a bomb" type?"**

**Church: "Maybe it's a good idea not to piss off the explosive device."**

"He has a great point." Pyrrha said laughing along with the others.

**Tex: "I agree."**

**Church: "I wasn't talking about you Tex."**

**Tex: "Hey, why don't you suck my -"**

"Why do girls say that?" Jaune asked. "I've heard it before and it never makes sense. Girls don't have dicks." Jaune said crudely.

Yang laughed. "Think about it Jaune, how weird would it sound if I said. Suck my clit! Or suck my vag!" Yang yelled.

Weiss huffed and blushed while Ruby sighed and Blake laughed. Nora and Pyrrha laughed too while Jaune blushed furiously.

"Well not weird when you're saying it but I see your point." Jaune said laughing lightly.

"Besides, I know some dumbasses that would think I was trying to flirt." Yang laughed.

"Sun and Neptune?" Blake asked.

"Specifically Neptune." Yang said laughing again.

Weiss started grumbling to herself about Neptune.

**Tucker: "Did Gary say anything about the bomb being able to talk?"**

**Church: "Uh, just that this whole place is going to be destroyed by us, and that Andy here is probably the thing that does it."**

**Tucker: "Oh. That's not good."**

**Andy: "I don't** _ **think**_ **so. Bunch of** _ **shisnos**_ **if ya ask me. And noone** _ **did**_ **ask me which I find insulting!"**

"Does he not see that he's insulting?" Blake asked. "Racist" she mumbled to herself along with other unkind words.

"Imagine the White Fang calling us Shisno's." Jaune said thinking of it.

Despite herself Blake burst out laughing along with everyone else, she was laughing so hard tears threatened to leave her eyes.

"Wow, the White Fang calling human's Shisno's." Blake repeated laughing. "We don't really have a word for humans, just Humans."

**Church: "Alright, alright calm down Andy, calm down."**

**Andy: "** _**Don't tell me to calm down, I am calm!"** _

Ruby groaned. "Sounds like Yang."

Yang's eyes flashed crimson for a split second before flashing back to lilac. "Do you have something to say Ruby?"

"See what I mean?" Ruby said gesturing to Yang. "Anger issues."

Yang simply sighed.

**Church: "Caboose, calm this thing down before it has a meltdown."**

**Andy: "(under Church) Look at me! I'm calm!"**

**Caboose: "Andy, everyone here is your friend. And noone wants to hurt you."**

**Andy: "Yeah right."**

"Well now he sounds sad." Blake commented.

**Caboose: "Come on Andy, think of a happy place. Now what makes you happy?"**

**Andy: "Being in the middle of a huge explosion!"**

Nora laughed.

**Church: "Less happy place Caboose, less happy place."**

**Caboose: "Ah u... think calming thoughts, uh... let's count backwards from ten! Ten, nine, eight-"**

Everyone started laughing.

**Tex and Tucker: "NO!"**

**Church: "(at the same time) Duck!"**

Ruby furrowed her eyebrows "What did he just say?"

"He said...duck? I think." Blake said.

"Are you sure it wasn't Fuck?" Yang asked.

"I'm pretty sure, why would he say Duck?" Blake asked.

"Maybe it's a joke?" Ren suggested.

"Strange." Pyrrha added.

**Cut to the Reds, Simmons in the Warthog and Grif next to it**

**Simmons: "Okay. I'm ninety-five percent certain that the distress signal is coming from that way."**

**Sarge: "Excellent work Simmons. Alright men... and Grif. Let's get ready to roll."**

**Grif: "Only ninety-five percent certain?"**

"I wouldn't trust his math either after his answer for thirty two times fifty six" Ren commented.

 **Simmons: "Grif, if there's one thing that I've learned in working with you?, it's that there's** _ **always**_ **margin for error."**

"We should implement that into our plans." Weiss commented under her breath so that no one else could hear her.

**Sarge: "Excellent comeback Simmons. That's a burn."**

**Simmons: "Thank you Sir."**

**Grif: "Har har. Look who's so smart. It's pronounced** _ **margarine**_ **dumbass."**

"No it's not." Blake corrected.

**Simmons: "Seriously, if I ever meet the guy that assigned you to our squad, I'm gonna kill him."**

"Ugh I felt the same way when Ruby was first assigned out leader." Weiss commented.

"But you changed your mind!" Ruby said as her eyes lit up and she put her hands in a heart gesture on her chest.

 **Grif: "Well if you're ninety-five percent certain it's** _ **that**_ **way, which way's the other five percent?"**

"Every other direction." Ren answered.

 **Simmons: "Whaddaya think, all the** _ **other**_ **directions."**

 **Grif: "Then I think** _ **that's**_ **the way we should go."**

Ren, Jaune, and Blake groaned.

**Simmons: "You might be, the dumbest person I have ever met."**

"Hasn't he met Caboose?" Weiss asked.

Pyrrha ignored the comment but almost spoke up.

**Grif: "And I think you're just covering your ass."**

**Donut: "(running up) Hey Sarge!"**

Yang started snickering.

**Simmons: "What? I'm not covering my ass, you're the one trying to cover yours!"**

**Grif: "No way."**

**Sarge: "Stop arguing you two. Simmons isn't covering his ass, and Grif certainly isn't coverin' his. Noone's ass is being covered. Got it? Donut, whadda you want?"**

**Donut: "Uh... is that a trick question?"**

Yang and Blake started laughing hysterically at the sex joke.

**Sarge: "Donut..."**

**Donut: "Well, I was up on the windmill again, and I think I found a route we can take outta here."**

"Why would a windmill be razor sharp?" Nora asked.

"What's a windmill?" Ruby asked.

"It's for generating power, but its extremely unreliable because wind is unreliable and there's not many good places to set them up because, open fields plus Grimm plus no natural defenses equals bad." Blake explained.

**Sarge: "Great! Simmons, load up. Donut, you back up Simmons."**

**Donut: "Yes Sir, okey dokey."**

**Sarge: "Grif, you get in the base and distract the Blues while we get ready to leave."**

**Simmons: "You're sending Grif?"**

"Yeah I'm surprised too." Weiss commented.

Jaune sighed, "He's going to leave Grif behind, same trick worked on me before."

Pyrrha calmly put a hand on Jaune's shoulder.

**Grif: "Mmmokay, be right back."**

**Simmons: "Grif!? Don't you remember the last time you sent him to distract Command during our surprise inspection? He told them we were all in the base doing last minute cleaning, because we all had Cholera, and we were in quarantine for a month. My ass still hurts from all the shots we got."**

"Cholera..." Ren mumbled. "Some kind of disease, likely devastating to amount to a month of Quarantine."

Ruby gasped. "How do you fight a disease?"

"Antibiotics and good hygiene." Ren answered automatically. "The reason all the kingdoms are so healthy is partly because of how fit people are and the good food we eat. A lot of people forget that not being fit means your more likely to catch a disease." Ren explained.

Jaune nodded. "Huh? That makes sense."

**Donut: "Yeah, you could say that again, mine hurts too!"**

Yang and Blake laughed.

**Simmons: "You weren't even there, Donut."**

**Donut: "Oh. I thought we were just sharing stuff."**

"I don't get it." Ruby said naively.

Yang sighed while Blake laughed. "Ruby, you know how gay guys have sex right?"

"Oh..oh! Ow! Why would anyone do that?" Ruby asked.

Blake was a little taken back. "Ruby? Do you have a problem with-"

Ruby leaned forward frantically. "Nononononono! No that's not was I meant, I mean wouldn't it hurt? Why not just do...other stuff."

Yang laughed. "Guy's only have two holes Ruby, and not everyone wants to limit themselves to the mouth."

Ruby grimaced "exit only. gross."

**Grif: "(from near the base) Wait a second, you guys better not just be sending me so you can run off once I'm inside!"**

Jaune raised a fist, "called it."

**Sarge: "Of course not moron, now hurry up!"**

**Grif enters the base**

**Sarge: "Okay, everybody in the jeep."**

Yang, Blake, and Weiss laughed while Jaune sighed.

**Cut to Grif entering the base, eavesdropping on the Blues**

**Caboose: "You are in a cool river, where noone disturbs you, or calls you names. Like "Bomby." Or, "The Exploding Jerk." There are sheep nearby,** _ **the kind that don't blow up**_ **, you are happy.** _ **But not overly happy...**_ **Regular happy."**

Pyrrha started giggling. "Grif doesn't know Andy can talk." She pointed out.

Ruby, Nora and Weiss started laughing after she pointed it out.

**Tex: "Breathe in through your nose (takes a breath, and exhales through her mouth) and out through the mouth. Again, in through the nose (takes a breath), and out through the mouth."**

"Tex must have to use that strategy a lot being around them." Weiss joked.

"That breathe in and out strategy is bullshit by the way." Yang commented.

"It works for me." Ruby said with a shrug.

"And me." Pyrrha added raising a hand.

"What do you do to manage your anger?" Weiss asked.

"Release all my anger by fighting or eating." Yang answered instantly.

"I just read." Blake commented. "But when I can't I use the breathing strategy."

"I don't get angry that much." Jaune said.

"Me neither." Ren said calmly. "I meditate."

"I never get angry, only very annoyed." Nora said looking at Ren who sat calmly.

**Church: "Uh, maybe I'll get some candles, would you like some candles, or some incense? How 'bout that?"**

"That helps too." Ren commented and Pyrrha nodded.

**Gamma: "hey Andy, knock knock."**

Everyone looked to Yang who shrugged. "Sorry, can't think of a good one right now."

**Andy: "Who's there."**

**Gamma: "inner peace and serenity."**

"But that's a bad one." Yang commented.

**Andy: "I already heard that one."**

**Grif backs cautiously out of the base of crazy people, and returns to the Reds**

**Sarge: "And when we get there, we'll radio Command and say we need a replacement, because we have absolutely no idea what happend to- oh Grif!"**

Yang and Weiss laughed at Sarge's plan.

**Simmons: "What're you doing back so soon? That was the shortest distraction of all time."**

**Sarge: "What's wrong? What were the Blues doing?"**

**Grif: "You know? I can honestly say I have no idea what I just saw. Can I quit the army now? Seriously, I think I've seen everything I need to see at this point."**

"He's in shock." Blake said laughing.

**Sarge: "If only I could make that happen dirtbag."**

**Grif: "I mean it, just tell me where to turn in my gun, I'm done."**

**Camera zips around the terrain, through some nooks and one cranny, to the Lopez head and a robot army**

**Lopez: "Venga a mi ejército robotico."**

**Caption: Come my robot army.**

"Wait what!" Ruby yelled.

"Oh yeah, We forgot about O'Malley." Yang said with her mouth open in surprise.

"Ren did O'Malley mention a robot army before?" Jaune asked.

"If he did I missed it, sorry." Ren apologized.

"O'Malley is going to get revenge." Blake said calmly.

**Lopez: "Ahora es la día de nuestra victoria glorioso."**

**Caption: Today is the day of our glorious victory.**

"It looks like an Army of Lopez's." Yang commented.

**O'Malley: "Huhuhuhahaha. Careful you fools, I need the device intact, muhahahahahahahaha. Now kill all those fools! And those fools over there. And, those fools. Leave no fool left unkilled. This army has a no fool discrimination clause, muahaha."**

"So he's trying to steal the sword." Ren commented.

"That sword does seem very important." Pyrrha added.

"I want it so bad." Jaune said hopefully staring at the screen.

**Doc: "I like that we have a no fool discrimination clause. It makes us progressive!"**

"Not really when you're not discriminating who you kill." Blake commented laughing at the dark joke.

**O'Malley: "Shut up you fool"**

**The scene faded to black.**

"Ok, I'm playing the next one." Jaune said as he tapped his scroll.

* * *

**My pm's are open to**

**-Suggestions for this FanFiction**

**-Requests for any new FanFictions**

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**-Thanks!**


	56. S3E56 Calm Before the Storm

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 56- Calm Before the Storm**

" **Calm Before the Storm" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight hummed the theme again.

"Something bad is going to happen next episode." Ren theorized.

"You're probably right." Blake said nodding.

**Fade in to Simmons talking to Sarge from the safe confines of the Warthog**

**Simmons: "Okay, so let me get this straight... they were talking, to the bomb."**

**Grif: "Dude, I don't know. They mentioned something about candles and a bubble bath, and they were playing some kind of a New Age CD. It's like a Yanni fan club meeting."**

Yang groaned "More references we don't get." Yang commented angrily.

**Sarge: "That makes no sense at all. Did you wanna translate for us Pinky Pants?"**

**Pinky Pants** **Donut: "My guess is that they're trying to get the bomb to do something for 'em."**

**Simmons: "And all that sweet talk and candles will work on a bomb."**

"It would work on me." Nora said with a smile. "Except replace Candles with pancakes."

**Donut: "It would work on me!"**

**Sarge: "Doncha see what they're tryin' to do?"**

**Grif: "No. Isn't** _ **that**_ **the point of this conversation?"**

**Sarge: "The Blues are obviously trying to coax the bomb in to rearming. They're about to launch an attack. On us!"**

**Grif: "Why would they do that?"**

**Sarge: "** _**Because they're Blues** _ **. Somebody get this kid the manual."**

"When will Sarge understand that the Blues aren't their enemy?" Weiss asked.

"Probably never." Blake answered.

**Simmons: "Oh-ho, I hate the Blues."**

**Sarge: "That's the spirit Simmons."**

**Cut to several Lopezes in formation**

**O'Malley: "Hoohoohoohohahaha. And now the hour is at hand.** _**It is time** _ **, my robot minions."**

**Doc: "He means robot miniones. Where's your cultural sensitivity?"**

"Hey Ren how are you doing on spanish?" Ruby asked.

Ren sighed, "not well, I understand some things like si, and y but not much else."

 **O'Malley: "Oh shut up. At last, we will** _ **sieze**_ **our destiny!"**

**Doc: "Do we really have to sieze destiny? Can't we just invite it to join our online circle of friends?"**

"A pacifist and a crazy AI, what a winning combo." Jaune said with a laugh.

**O'Malley: "Quiet you fool. And quit sending me those invites. They're repulsive. Prepare for battle! We will break upon their fortress like an evil wind!"**

**Doc: "Oh."**

**O'Malley: "Crushing a repair a dent of** _**lightning speed! Attack!"** _

**Robot Army: "Charge."**

**The Robot Army starts walking very slowly forward.**

"Lightning speed." Ruby repeated while giggling.

**O'Malley: "You there, hurry along. And you in the back. Eu- Lopez, can't you speed them up?"**

**Lopez: "E esta es la velocidad máxima."**

**Caption: This is their maximum velocity.**

"Wow what terrible robots." Weiss commented. "I remember the Atlesian knights before the 130 models. I forgot what they're called but compared to the grimm, they were really slow."

**O'Malley: "This isn't what I asked for."**

**Lopez: "Dices des qué quieras esta día de victoria."**

**Caption: You said you wanted a** **day** **of victory.**

**Lopez: "A este velocidad, va pasar veinte cuatro horas para ganar."**

**Caption: At this speed, they will win in exactly 24 hours.**

"Is Lopez and idiot or just mean?" Ruby asked.

"I think he's just mean." Yang answered.

**O'Malley: "Heuh..."**

**A Robot: "Charge."**

**Cut to the Blues**

**Church: "So we cool here?"**

**Tucker: "I think we're finally calmed down."**

**Caboose: "Yes. We are all better now, we are not mad, and we are definitely not thinking about exploding at all any more."**

**Andy: "Hey, are you talkin' about me?"**

"obviously right?" Pyrrha asked looking around for an answer.

Ren nodded to her.

**Church: "What? No, course not. We just wanna make sure that we're all happy, and that we're not upset in any way whatsoever."**

**Andy: "Don't say 'we', you really mean me. I mean, you, which in this case,** _ **is**_ **me."**

Blake chuckled, "I love the dialogue jokes."

**Church: "No no no, uh, we're uh, talking about Tex."**

**Tex: "Excuse me?"**

Yang started snickering.

**Church: "(whispering to Tex) Hey, you wanna die in an explosion? Play along. (To Andy) Yeah, um... I don't know if you've noticed but she's uh... she's kind of a bitch. Isn't that right Tex."**

"Ohhh no." Yang mumbled.

**Tex: "Church..."**

**Andy: "I don't know..."**

**Tucker: "Come on Tex."**

**Tex: "Yes. We're talking about me."**

"she sounds really really mad." jaune commented.

"I would be too." Yang laughed.

**Andy: "Sounds like you're patronizing me."**

**Tex: "No really, it's me, I'm a bitch."**

Jaune and Ruby started laughing.

**Church: "heh Heh heh, keep going."**

"He is really enjoying it." Blake laughed.

"He's going to regret it." Pyrrha laughed too.

"Tex is going to kick his ass." Yang added.

**Tex: "And I need to be calmed down all the time."**

**Church: "Or what happens?"**

**Tex: "Or, else I get so mad, I kill people on my own team."**

"Oh no she's Caboose!" Yang joked.

"No, Caboose only kills his team on accident." Pyrrha corrected.

**Church: "...I see your point."**

**Caboose: "Tell him about the moodiness. And the crankiness."**

**Tucker: "Also mention that you like to punch people in the head while they sleep."**

Ruby shot up angrily. "Yang use to do that too!"

"On accident! I was having nightmares!" Yang defended.

"You slept walked to her bed and punched her?" Weiss asked skeptically.

"No, we used to share the same bed when we were younger." Yang explained.

"It really hurt..." Ruby whimpered.

"I've said sorry so many times!" Yang continued to defend herself.

"Hey Ruby, at least your sister did it on accident, and you only had one." Jaune sighed.

**Caboose: "That was you!? I thought the Tooth Fairy was mad at me."**

"Tooth Fairy? That sounds weird." Ruby commented.

"A fairy that looks like a tooth? Creepy." Nora added.

**Andy: "** _**Well** _ **, she sounds like a real handful."**

**Tex: "Alright listen you little noob firecracker."**

**Church: "Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! See what I mean Andy? Volatile."**

Yang laughed, "that's going to piss her off even more!"

**Tex: "I am so gonna remember this Church."**

Yang continued to laugh, "I bet she will."

**Caboose: "You should sleep with your pillow on top. Of your head. Tonight."**

"I had to do that." Jaune commented.

**Church: "Yes, that's very funny, make all the threats you want. As long as everyone is calm, and peaceful, and there's nothing else to make us excited, I don't care."**

**Explosions happen outside the base behind him and Plasma bullets start hitting the wall.**

Everyone started laughing especially Blake, Jaune, and Nora.

**O'Malley: "(from outside) Attack, my robot minions."**

"Knew that was coming!" Blake said laughing. "I could see the rocket moving towards the wall!"

**Church: "I could almost feel that coming, right as I finished the sentence."**

More laughter ensued.

**A large explosion happens, and clears to reveal the Reds**

**Sarge: "What the hell was that?"**

"Ohh no, they're going to think it was the blues." Ruby muttered.

**Simmons: "It sounded like a huge explosion!"**

**Sarge: "Chantilly lace! That means the Blues have rearmed the bomb."**

**Grif: "Wait, they rearmed it and it exploded. Isn't that good for us?"**

"He makes a good point." Blake pointed out.

**Sarge: "Grif, don't interrupt me when I'm leading in a battle situation!"**

**Grif: "...We're in battle?"**

"Obviously." Weiss scoffed.

**Sarge: "Course we are, now get ready for your orders. Donut!"**

**Donut: "Yes Sir."**

**Sarge: "Scream like a woman!"**

"Ohhh sexist yay." Blake said sarcastically.

**Donut: "Can do! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh! (Runs wildly and continues screaming through the rest of the episode.)"**

Pyrrha started laughing to herself while Jaune blushed, pretty soon everyone knew why she was laughing.

"I did not sound like that!" Jaune screamed.

More laughter.

Jaune sighed, "ok fine I did sound like that." He said slumping in his chair.

**Sarge: "Grif!"**

**Grif: "What."**

**Sarge: "Prepare to sacrifice yourself to save a nearby superior officer."**

"His orders are so cruel!" Nora yelled.

**Grif: "I don't think I've been trained on that."**

**Sarge: "Simmons, kiss ass at will."**

Blake and Weiss laughed.

 **Simmons: "You're both an excellent leader,** _ **and**_ **a handsome man Sir."**

**Sarge: "Excellent work Simmons. Incoming."**

**Sarge and Grif duck, as a rocket shoots over their heads.**

"Ugh Donut is still screaming." Blake complained.

"He is a dedicated soldier." Weiss said sarcastically.

**Sarge: "Grif, you're up."**

**Grif: "Permission to assist Donut, Sir."**

**Sarge: "Permission denied. Continue with Operation Meatshield. Remember, just 'cause your bones are broken doesn't mean they won't stop bullets from hitting me! Now get out there."**

"Operation meat shield, I like it!" Nora said. "We should make that a team move." She suggested to Jaune.

"Absolutely not." Jaune replied with a hand up.

**Simmons: "Good call Sir!"**

**Sarge: "You're on your way to a medal, Simmons. In fact, medals all the way around. Purple Heart for Grif, Pink Heart for Donut, and a Brown Nose for Simmons."**

Yang and Blake laughed at the slightly subtle joke.

"Purple purple heart and pink heart? Why would they get those?" Ruby asked.

"I want a pink heart!" Nora yelled looking down at her shirt with a heart cut out. "It would cover up this...never mind I like it this way."

Ren used all his will not to look.

* * *

**My pm's are open to**

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**-Requests for any new FanFictions**

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**-Reviews**

**-Pointing out any and all mistakes**

**-Questions, any and all**

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**-any and all nit picks/small things that you don't like**

**-Thanks!**


	57. S3E57 The Storm

**Author's Note:**

**In response to a guest reviewer: Yeah no shit, I know what a purple heart is but the RWBY characters don't!**

**If you are a troll then bravo good sir because as soon as I read your stupid comment I got mad.**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 57- The Storm**

" **The Storm" appeared on the screen with the theme music.**

Everyone hummed the theme again.

"The Storm" Ren said reading the title aloud.

"Think this is the finale?" Yang asked everyone.

"Maybe, it's been what? 18, 19 episodes?" Weiss asked.

"Yeah, around that." Blake said.

**Fade in to the fan in front of the base, which the Robot Army (eventually) walks past**

**Robot Army: "Charge."**

**O'Malley: "Hu hu hoh, for God's sake. Will you hurry up! Lopez, I'm disappointed in your work. These minions are** _ **much**_ **too slow."**

"I agree, my legs are itching to run just looking at them!" Ruby said loudly.

"Calm down there Rubes." Yang advised.

**Lopez: "Creo que esta moviéndro muy bien."**

**Caption: I think they are moving along nicely.**

**O'Malley: "You fool! You don't even have legs, and you** _ **still**_ **got up here faster than them!"**

"Why didn't Lopez make himself a body?" Nora asked.

"The real question is, how is he moving and how did he make those robots?" Weiss asked.

Yang did the Jazz hands motion, " _magic!"_

**Lopez: "Usted es los cerebros en esta operación. Yo no mas soy el músculo."**

**Caption: Hey, you're the brains in this operation. I'm just the brawn.**

"I'm the same way." Yang commented while flexing.

"I'm the brains." Ruby said happily gesturing to herself with her thumb.

Jaune laughed, "so am I."

Nora flexed with Yang, "I'm definitely the brawn on our team."

Yang and Nora tried to one up each other with their flexing.

"Mines bigger!" Nora yelled.

"Mines harder!" Yang shot back.

"Mine's a lot more veiny!" Nora pointed out.

"Look I can make mine move!" Yang yelled flexing.

Blake couldn't tell if they were doing it intentionally or if it was purely by accident but she was on the floor rolling with laughter.

"Ladies ladies! Both of your muscles look great." Jaune yelled standing up trying to defuse the situation before they switched to abs.

Both stood still and glared at each other for a second before laughing and sitting down.

**Doc: "They may be slow, but their posture is excellent!"**

**O'Malley: "Huhhg..."**

**Doc: "A for effort, Lopez!"**

**Cut to Sarge with Grif, Donut, and Simmons.**

**Sarge: "I think they're distracted. Let's use this chance to slip away."**

**Simmons: "Great idea, Sir. I have a lock on the distress signal. We can head right for it."**

**Sarge: "Good thinking Simmons. Everybody in the jeep."**

**Simmons: "Shotgun!"**

**Grif: "Shotgun! Fuck."**

Yang and Ruby laughed remembering their arguments in the car with their dad.

**Donut: "Shotgun's lap!"**

**Simmons: "Fuck!"**

Yang and Blake laughed even harder.

**Sarge: "There's just no room for four people. Someone will have to jog alongside. Grif?"**

**Grif: "** _ **Jog?**_ **What's that?"**

"What! He doesn't know what jogging is!" Ruby said offended.

"That's...surprising." Pyrrha gasped.

**Simmons: "It's like running slowly, dear God you don't know what jogging means?"**

**Grif: "Yeah, you lost me at running. Sorry, it's not in my contract."**

"My thoughts exactly." Yang commented.

"I thought you liked running?" Ruby said confused.

"What gave you that idea?" Yang asked raising an eyebrow.

"Well, back home you used to always go on afternoon runs." Ruby pointed out.

Yang laughed, "Yeah? to stay fit."

**Donut: "Oh, don't worry, I'll do it. Just give me one second while I put my jogging shorts on."**

**Grif: "Wait. I wanna reconsider."**

**Donut: "Who wants to hold my ankles while I stretch out my hammies?"**

**Sarge: "Noone's fallin' for that twice, Donut."**

**Cut to Tex peering out a window at the Robot Army**

**Tex: "Alright, I think I can take 'em. I just need a better weapon." She said staring at Tucker's sword.**

"I would never let anyone else touch that sword if I had it." Jaune commented.

"Oh yeah." Weiss said pulling out her scroll. "Winter says the scientists have made a breakthrough using hard light Dust."

Jaune smiled, "That's great!"

**Tucker: "Want me to help you find one?"**

**Tex: "Mm, why don't you just give me your sword?"**

**Tucker: "No way, I can see right through your little ploy. You just want me to give you the sword."**

"Wasn't much of a ploy." Blake commented.

**Tex: "That's what I just said."**

**Tucker: "Yeah, but it's the** _ **way**_ **you said it."**

**Tex: "You know, it's a good thing that that sword doesn't run on brainpower. Oh my God, Tucker, look! Hot chicks."**

Weiss and Blake laughed at the brainpower joke.

"He can't really be that dense and fall for that." Pyrrha commented.

**Tucker: "Nice try, you just want me to turn around so you can knock me out and take the sword."**

Pyrrha sighed with relief.

**Tex: "Now the hot girls are makin' out."**

**Tucker: "Okay, that's worth the risk. (turns around) Eauhw, crap."**

Pyrrha groaned.

"Do guys really like that, that much?" Ruby asked looking to Jaune and Ren.

Ren remained calm but Jaune blushed, luckily Yang ran to his rescue...sort of.

"Yeah guys love that stuff." Yang laughed. "Imagine it, two things you absolutely _love!_ Having sex with each other."

Ruby groaned, "Yaaaaanng! She just said making out!"

"So? Guys love that too. And Girls are no different." Yang explained.

Blake blushed especially red when she glanced over to her porn book stash. " _Seamen's Adventures"_ was neatly tucked away so no one else could see.

**Tex hits Tucker from behind and knocks him out, just like she planned**

**Cut to Caboose talking with Andy... the bomb**

**Caboose: "Just stay calm Andy... everything will be fine."**

**Andy: "I'm okay, really. I like explosions. You on the other hand look a little nervous."**

**Caboose: "You know, I always get a little nervous during battles. ...I think it's 'cause we never win."**

Pyrrha smiled, "Being nervous before a battle is normal."

Everyone nodded except Yang and Nora.

**Andy: "Eh, don't sweat it. If they get in the base, I'll just explode and kill everybody."**

**Caboose: "Wouldn't that kill us too... Andy?"**

"Everybody." Weiss repeated.

**Andy: "Hey. You can't make an omelette without blowin' up a few eggs."**

**Caboose: "... ... ... ... ... I like eggs."**

"Me too, REN!" Nora yelled. "Can I have some eggs pretty please?" Nora asked with begging eyes.

Ren smiled, "After this season."

**Andy: "Me too."**

**Cut to Church talking to Gamma**

**Church: "Gary, is it possible that the Great Destroyer could be an entire army of people?"**

**Gamma: "no, the great destroyer is a single person who will come to claim the great weapon."**

"So it's Tucker." Ren surmised.

"No way it's him." Yang said making a 'no way' gesture.

**Church: "Yeah, that's great."**

**Gamma: "prepare, one and all. the fulfillment of the great prophecy is at hand."**

**Church: "So you have no good news for me today."**

**Gamma: "orange you glad i didn't say banana?"**

Yang was already laughing hysterically.

Everyone in the room sighed or groaned.

**Cut to the Reds' jeep careening under bare minimum control down a really gradual slope behind a robot**

"Wow they suck at driving." Yang commented when they slammed into a large metal thing.

**Sarge: "Let's go men."**

**Grif: "One of them's following us."**

**Sarge: "We're going too slow. We have to leave someone behind."**

**Grif: "Not it."**

**Simmons: "Not it."**

**Donut: "What? No way! You're leaving me behind?"**

"He didn't say Not it fast enough." Ruby shrugged.

**Sarge: "Sorry Donut, but military law is very clear in regard to the "not it" methodology for making decisions."**

"I am pretty sure that's not a real military law." Weiss said sarcastically.

**Donut: "Aw man, there's still so much about the army I don't understand."**

**Grif: "Here he comes!"**

"He's so slow it won't matter." Ruby said.

**Sarge: "Donut, you hide here and wait for the guy tailing us. Then when he passes, shoot him square in the back and watch him die. Just like John Wayne would have done."**

"It's four on one, and that Robot isn't Pyrrha they can easily take him!" Nora shouted.

Pyrrha blushed, "Thank you Nora."

"No problem Pyr!"

 **Grif: "Hurry up guys, he's getting closer! No wait, no he, yeah he** _ **is**_ **getting closer. No, yes!"**

**Donut: "All this retreating, and shooting people in the back, doesn't sound very noble."**

"It's not." Jaune said thinking of Roman.

**Sarge: "We're not retreating, we're advancing! Towards future victory!"**

Yang laughed. "That's an amazing excuse!"

Blake laughed too, "I guess that should be my new catchphrase." Blake joked, she had long gotten past how she ran away from everything ever since her talk with Yang and Weiss at Mountain Glenn.

**Donut: "How'm I gonna find you guys?"**

**Simmons: "Just follow the distress signal to its source, you'll find us there."**

"That's a good plan, other than Donut just sitting on one of their laps." Blake commented.

"Yeah I'm sure with helmets like that he has some way to track the distress signal." Weiss said.

**Donut: "But I don't have a way to track it!"**

"Never mind." Weiss sighed.

**Sarge: "... Excellent point Donut."**

**The jeep drives off, carrying Sarge, Grif and Simmons with it and leaving Donut behind.**

"Mean." Ruby commented.

**Donut: "Thank you Sir. Ohh... (sigh) (lip smacking sounds as he watches the robot painfully slowly advance) (that "I'm waiting..." kind of humming) Uhh, God. Well, I've got some time."**

**Cut to the robot army shooting one at a time at ...something**

**Robot 4: "Attack."**

**Robot 1: "Attack."**

**Robot 3: "Attack."**

"This Robot army sucks." Yang commented.

"I'm glad the Atlesian Knights aren't this bad." Weiss said sighing in relief.

**O'Malley: "(evil laugh) Fastar! Fastar! Pathetic. Lopez! How do I say faster in Spanish?"**

Ren got out his notepad.

**Lopez: "Como dice socero, socero. Socero socero socero, cerocero."**

"That is really long for one phrase?" Ren mumbled to himself.

**O'Malley: "Yes... So okay... What? Okay, got it."**

**O'Malley: "Huhuh, soy un pendejo púrpuras que gusta tomar aceite."**

**Caption: Hey everyone! I am a purple jerk and I love to drink motor oil.**

Ren sighed as he scribbled out his notes, The others laughed.

**O'Malley: "That was rather looong to mean hurry up."**

**Lopez: "Es una lengua muy poética."**

**Caption: It's a very poetic language.**

"That is true." Ren commented.

 **Donut: "(arriving behind a rock or something) Oh man, it's that** _ **creepy**_ **dude! I wonder why he's insulting himself."**

**Donut: "Qué curioso."**

**Caption: How strange.**

"He speaks Spanish?!" Blake said surprised.

"So someone can translate." Yang said.

"I wonder why he hasn't." Ruby said scratching her chin as if a beard was their, in a thinking manner.

**Donut: "Ooh, the motorcycle!" Donut said looking at the Ghost.**

"That looks nothing like a motorcycle." Yang commented with her arms crossed.

**O'Malley: "Mi cola es muy grande. Y mi gusta frotar mi cola. Y quiero oler mi cola e también besar, a mi cola."**

**Caption: My butt is very big. And I like to rub my own butt. And I like to sniff my own butt and kiss my own butt.**

Ren seriously debated if he wanted to write any of that down...he did.

**O'Malley: "Are you sure cola means evil?"**

**Lopez: "Jefe, alguien está robandro su vehículo."**

**Caption: Hey boss, someone is stealing your vehicle.**

**O'Malley: "Ueuh, drat! I only had two payments left!"**

Yang laughed at the payment joke remembering her nightmare trying to pay for hers.

**Lopez: "¿Tiene aseguran da?"**

**Caption: Do you have insurance on it?**

**O'Malley: "Of course not. It's a scam."**

**Lopez: "¿Por que? Vivimos en un barrio muy mal."**

**Caption: Why not? We live in a bad neighborhood.**

"You always need insurance." Pyrrha advised.

**O'Malley: "Of course we live in a bad neighborhood. We're evil doers! We're what makes the neighborhood bad."**

**Cut to Church looking down at Tucker.**

**Church: "Whoa, Tucker, are you okay?"**

**Tucker: "Uhhhh, mmm, ah damn. Okay, new rule. We start rotating knockouts. Next time, it's your turn."**

Yang and Nora laughed.

**Church: "Hey good idea. And next time Caboose decides he wants to go around team killing, you can take that one."**

Everyone laughed at that one.

**Tucker: "Maybe we should all stick to what we know best."**

**Church: "Hey, where's your weapon?"**

**Tucker: "Do you think she knocked me out for fun? This isn't Tuesday dude, she took it!"**

"Wow Tex is mean." Ruby commented amazed.

Yang smiled, "yep I like her!"

**Church: "Oh man, this is not gonna be good."**

**Cut to the shadowing form of the Elite walking to the edge of a cliff overlooking the robot army**

"Well here comes Tex to kick ass." Yang said smiling in anticipation.

"Hmm, that shadow looks strange." Ren mumbled to himself.

**Robot 7: "Attack."**

**A plasma grenade lands on the middle robot**

Yang laughed and clapped her hands together.

Ruby jumped in excitement.

**Robot 4: "Un arañ-"**

**Caption: Hey! A spid-**

Jaune laughed at the callback joke.

**The grenade explodes, with the expected result**

**O'Malley: "What was that!?"**

**Doc: "Uh oh."**

**More plasma grenades take out the rest of the robot army. cut to Gamma**

"What a badass!" Yang yelled.

Pyrrha laughed and smiled.

**Gamma: "the great destroyer has arrived. the end is near. the great destroyer has arrived. the end is near."**

"So Tex is the great destroyer, that makes sense." Jaune said.

"The base is about to get destroyed too, remember the prophecy." Ren warned.

**Cut to O'Malley and Lopez hiding behind rocks**

**O'Malley: "Lopez, do you see anything?"**

**Lopez: "No, mas robotesas muertas. Mi ejército hermosa destruyó."**

**Caption: No, just dead robots everywhere. My beautiful robot army destroyed.**

"That's actually kind of sad." Pyrrha commented.

**O'Malley: "I'm going to sneak around the side. Let me know if you see anything. Lopez. Lopez! Lopez! (turns around to see the shadowing figure of the Elite approaching) Ho no! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" O'Malley shoots fruitlessly at the Alien but nothing happens.**

"Tex is scary." Ruby mumbled.

"Hmm, maybe the shadows are messed up." Ren mumbled to himself again.

**Cut to Simmons leading the Reds through a cave**

**Simmons: "Just a little further guys."**

**Sarge: "You stole that thing all by yourself?"**

**Donut: "Yep, and then I ran over the guy that was chasing us. And a few other innocent pedestrians."**

"Hopefully he means other robots." Pyrrha commented.

**Sarge: "I'm so proud of you."**

**Donut: "Hyeah, stealing and killing are a huge rush. I wish I'd started at a much younger age. I caught the fever!"**

"Sounds like Roman Torchwick's Mentality." Blake commented.

Jaune sighed remembering how nonchalantly Roman was when he got arrested by Atlas.

**Simmons: "Okay, the source of the distress signal is right outside this** _**crap!"** _

**Grif: "Noooooooooooooooooooohohohooooooooooooo!"**

**The camera moves back in stages to reveal they're back in that fucking canyon again**

Everyone burst out laughing and then cheered.

"Yes! They're back in Blood Gulch!" Nora cheered.

"Grif must be soooo happy." Yang joked.

**Grif: "This sucks."**

More laughter.

**Cut to Church and Tucker surveying the robot army carnage**

**Church: "Wow. She really did a lot of damage."**

"Yeaheh she did." Yang said biting her lip.

**Tucker: "Are you surprised?"**

**Church: "No, not really, I guess not."**

**Tucker: "I'll tell you what, it's days like today, I'm really glad she's on our side."**

**Tex: "Who's on our side? Whoa! Who killed all the robots?"**

Yang's face fell, "huh?"

Everyone gasped.

**Church: "You did."**

**Tex: "No I didn't."**

"What?!" Ruby yelled.

"I knew that shadow looked strange." Ren said happily.

**Church: "What?"**

**Tex: "I've been downstairs, trying to figure out how to turn this sword on."**

"That's depressing." Yang grumbled as she slumped into her seat.

**Church: "Wait a second. (runs off)"**

**Tucker: "Just push the power button."**

**Tex: "I did, that didn't work."**

"Hmmm?" Ren hummed.

**Tucker: "Yeah, that's surprising."**

**Cut to Church and Gamma**

**Gamma: "the end is near. the great destroyer has arrived. the end is near. the great destroyer has arrived. the end is near. the great destroyer has arrived. the end is near. the great destroyer has arrived. (continues as Church talks)"**

**Church: "Oh come on Gary Gary Gary, stop stop stop. Hey if Tex is not the destroyer from the prophecy, then who is?"**

Everyone leaned forward.

**Gamma: "..."**

**Church: "Gary?"**

**Gamma: "knock knock."**

**Cut to a shot of Church, with an alien sneaking up on him**

**Church: "Who's there?"**

"What the _FUCK!_ Is that!" Yang screamed horrified.

"Ohhh so gross!" Ruby yelled.

"It's an Alien!" Jaune pointed out.

"Another species." Blake mumbled to herself. "Looks weird."

"The stupidest being in the entire universe colored blue, it all makes sense. That weapon is clearly alien, that Alien was supposed to take the sword but Tucker did instead." Ren said amazed that he figured everything out.

"Why did it have four sets of teeth!" Yang yelled.

"It looks like a squid!" Nora yelled.

**The screen faded to black.**

" **Alien Champion" started playing as the blurred out credits started to role.**

"The end of season 3." Pyrrha pointed out.

"And we _still_ get blurred out credits!" Yang complained.

"At least we get to listen to a song." Jaune said trying to point out the Bright side.

"I have yet to hear one I like." Yang explained.

" _ **Everybody will want words from you**_

_**And you're the one who couldn't talk** _

_**They will want promises from you** _

_**That you will and you will not"** _

_**The song continued to play with guitar strings and hums in between the verses.** _

" _ **Everybody will want words from you**_

_**And you're the one who couldn't talk** _

_**They will want promises from you** _

_**That you will and you will not"** _

"I liked the last season's outro song more." Jaune commented.

"I liked the multiple voices joined in harmony for this one." Weiss said humming the song.

"I wish it was Rock pop." Ruby sighed crossing her arms.

" **Red Vs Blue season 3" appeared in big block letters.**

" **The Blood Gulch Chronicles" appeared below it.**

"Strange, last season that appeared before the song." Ren commented.

Yang just grunted in confirmation.

"That was a good season." Weiss commented. "The best so far, I admit I had and still have problems with the time travel but the comedy, and information made up for it." Weiss said smiling about the Solar power discovery.

"I loved this season's jokes." Yang said. "Especially the puns."

"I loved the hidden jokes and subtle dark themes and conspiracy aspect." Blake said. "I still hate that the whole Vic storyline doesn't matter at all anymore."

Weiss sighed, "me too."

"I loved this season!" Ruby yelled enthusiastically. "It's still so funny."

"That twist and cliff hanger at the end was incredible." Ren commented. "I was genuinely surprised with this season."

"I loved the improvement in looks from last season to this season, and I liked the character development however small it was." Pyrrha said giving her opinion.

"I completely forgot about the graphics change!" Weiss said laughing.

"I just can't stop thinking about that sword, I love Crocea Mors but It's never felt natural in my hand." Jaune explained.

"You're still improving Jaune." Pyrrha reassured.

"I know, but it would be nice to have two weapons." Jaune said smiling.

"I just loved the season." Nora yelled happily.

Everyone got up and stretched.

"Well the day is still ahead of us." Ren pointed out.

Ruby laughed, "Yeah! Nora lets go shopping!"

Jaune laughed too, "Yeah I have an artsy picture to take, can I borrow Velvets camera?" Jaune asked.

Ruby tossed it to him.

"After you're done with that I will have food cooked up for us." Ren said.

"I can't wait." Blake said smiling.

"I'll go help you take the picture Jaune." Pyrrha offered.

Jaune gladly accepted her help.

All eight smiled and left to do their own thing, until tomorrow when they could continue watching Red vs Blue.

— **Criminals SS—Not Canon**

"Gross, imagine a Faunus looking like that!" Mercury said laughing.

Emerald chuckled with him. "Even the White Fang would reject them."

The two criminals laughed themselves sick. All the while Cinder was off enjoying her time away from what in her opinion was a stupid stupid show.

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**-Thanks!**


	58. S4E58 Familiar Surroundings

**Author's Note:**

**I just deleted my past story "The Red Assassin" because holy shit I reread it and its bad. It was basically a fantasy of what I would want to be in the RWBY universe. Bad writing and all. Basically he was a Gary Stue of me, awful writing.**

**Edit: I really wish I never deleted it and all backup copies. I could have kept it an an example of how bad I used to be.**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

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**Chapter 58- Familiar Surroundings**

Jaune smiled when he saw Nora's new and improved Magnhild knowing his money payed for it.

Yesterday's events had been pretty interesting for everyone. As soon as the season ended Jaune and Pyrrha had left to take their artsy photo.

Unsurprisingly someone found the black and white photo of a flower in a toilet a metaphor for something and payed a pretty Lien for it.

Nora's face was practically glowing "Isn't is _AMAZING!"_ She screeched holding up her weapon.

It was, it truly was. Not only did Ruby add a second barrel too it, Ruby added the ability for her weapon to shoot rockets. And as an added treat, Nora now has sticky grenades from the show that behave the exact same way.

Ruby smiled next to Nora and blushed. "I'm a weapons genius."

Ruby had also improved her Crescent Rose in a less impressive way, it could now Zoom in farther and shot at a higher impact speed. So hard that it now left a tiny smoke trail and made a noise similar to the snipers from the show.

Ruby smiled but teetered left and right as she tried to remain standing. She had spent the entire day yesterday working on weapons, also including Coco's minigun which Coco was very very happy with. Ruby still had bags under her eyes.

All eight had already settled in there spots as it had sort of become normal for them.

"How was everyone's day after we finished the season?" Pyrrha asked.

Yang sighed. "Well other than Ruby trying to get a piggy back ride from me, pretty good."

Ren looked up, "Nora did the same to me, except Nora doesn't take no for an answer."

Nora laughed innocently.

Ruby grinned suddenly, "Pyrrha!" She yelled shocking Pyrrha.

"What?" Pyrrha asked confused.

"I never got the chance but what happened when you played video games with Jaune and Yang?" Ruby asked bright eyed.

Yang started giggling. "She was terrible!"

"She was ok..." Jaune mumbled.

Pyrrha laughed lightheartedly. "You don't have to sugarcoat it, I am not a gamer."

"She kept moving the controller why she played, tilting it and everything." Yang said grinning.

Ruby tried her best not to groan at Pyrrha's noobness but couldn't, "it's ok Pyrrha, I did the same thing in racing games."

"I liked Jaune's game." Pyrrha commented. "Mainly because it's just me against what are they? NPC's it was easier."

Yang laughed, "Yeah some people try way too hard at video games."

Ruby groaned, "Uncle Qrow."

"And you Ruby." Yang laughed, "Sometimes when she plays and get competitive she will sweat because she's trying to hard."

Weiss gasped lightly, "Really? You can fight off multiple thugs without breaking a sweat but a little game will make you sweat?"

Ruby blushed and glared at her sister. "NO! She's lying!"

Yang laughed evilly.

"So are you guys ready to play the episode?" Jaune asked.

Everyone mumbled some agreements and Jaune hit play.

**The episode started playing with the Season intro.**

" **Blood Gulch Blues" started playing yet again.**

While the song played, Ruby, Yang, Nora, Jaune, and Pyrrha sang along with the words.

" _Roses are red  
And violets are blue.  
One day we'll cruise down  
Blood Gulch avenue  
It's red versus red  
And blue versus blue  
It's I against I  
And me against you" _the five sang.

"Weiss why aren't you singing?" Ruby asked.

Weiss furrowed her eyebrows, "What do you mean?"

Yang huffed, "Weiss you're a famous singer come on!"

Weiss frowned, "I don't know the words."

"Yes you do! We've all heard them three times before." Ruby argued.

Weiss groaned, "fine."

" _Violets are blue, roses are red  
Living like this we were already dead" _Weiss sung beautifully, she sounded strange, slightly off key and nervous, but leagues better than the others.

" _Hop in my car  
It don't have any doors  
It's built like a cat  
It lands on all fours  
My car's like a puma  
It drives on all fours" _Weiss finished, she hadn't even noticed the others had stopped to listen to her.

Weiss opened her eyes and looked around meeting everyone's eyes nervously, "what?"

Jaune smiled, "That was amazing."

"That was awesome!" Ruby screamed.

"You have incredible talent." Pyrrha smiled.

Weiss blushed, "Thanks, I'm not used to singing songs like that."

"It doesn't matter, you were great either way." Ren complimented.

Weiss smiled.

" **Red vs Blue season 4" appeared on the screen followed by. "Familiar Surroundings"**

**Fade in to Grif screaming on the top of a cliff**

**Grif: "Noooooooooooooooooooooooo! Nohohohoooooooooohaoooooooooooooo!"**

"That's a little over the top." Weiss commented.

"Man he really hated that canyon." Yang said laughing.

**Donut: "Is he ever gonna stop screaming? He's been up there for hours."**

Weiss's eyes opened wide, "Wow, his vocal cords must be fu- must be messed up." Weiss silently cursed herself for almost cursing, she did not want to fall into that habit.

**Sarge: "Simmons, shut him up!"**

**Simmons: "Hey Grif, shut the fuck up! Get down here and help us check out the base!"**

**Grif: "No! No! Noooooooooooooohohohooooooooooooooo!"**

"That's getting annoying." Blake commented.

"Imagine how they feel." Yang said.

"Imagine how Grif feels, he really hated that canyon." Pyrrha said.

"But that's basically home for them." Ruby pointed out.

"That's depressing." Blake commented.

**Simmons: "I don't think he's even listening to us."**

**Grif: "Noooooooo actually that time I was answering your question noooooooooooo!"**

**Sarge: "Heugh."**

**Grif: "Noooooooooooooooooooo-"**

**Sarge: "Go up there and get him Simmons."**

**Grif: "-oooooooooooooooooooooo-"**

Blake and Weiss groaned.

**Donut: "If he keeps screaming like that, he's gonna pass out and fall off the cliff."**

**Sarge: "Cancel that order, Simmons!"**

Yang, Nora, and Jaune laughed.

**Grif: "-oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-"**

**Sarge: "Donut, get me a sniper rifle."**

Everyone laughed at that.

"I hope he's better than Church." Weiss commented.

"You want Grif to get shot?" Pyrrha asked.

"I want him to stop screaming." Weiss answered crossing her arms.

**Donut: "Yes sir."**

**Grif: "-oooooooooooooo."**

**Cut to the Blues back wherever they are after all this time**

**Tucker: "And he says "Did I read it? I already** _ **ruined**_ **it!"**

**Tex: "That's disgusting."**

**Caboose: "I don't get it."**

"I don't get it either." Ruby said.

Yang sighed and chuckled, "Probably a joke about a porn magazine, and by ruined it he jizzed all over it."

Ruby groaned in disgust as did Weiss, Pyrrha, and Jaune.

**Church materializes out of thin air**

**Church: "What, the fuck, was that."**

Yang laughed, "My exact reaction."

"That thing was so gross." Ruby commented shaking her hands in disgust.

Blake sighed.

**Caboose: "Hey Church!"**

**Tucker: "Hey."**

**Tex: "Huh?"**

"Wow they don't care at all." Pyrrha commented.

**Church: "Isn't anybody gonna ask me, "What happened to your body, Church?"**

**Tex and Tucker: "What happened to your body church." They asked halfheartedly.**

**Caboose: "What happened to some... body... Church?"**

**Church: "Hell if I know. All I know is, I was sittin' there talkin' to Gary, and-"**

"If he didn't know why did he want them to ask?" Weiss asked.

Jaune leaned forward, "It's basically like this, if you walked in here with a broken leg and no one asked about it would you be upset?"

Weiss nodded, "now I get it, thanks."

"I would break the legs of whoever broke yours!" Nora yelled.

"Yeah!" Ruby cheered raising a fist.

**Tex: "The bomb?"**

**Church: "No that's Andy, Gary is the computer."**

**Tex: "Neh, I don't even remember most of** _ **your**_ **names half the time."**

"I feel the same way about most of the guys at this school, especially on Cardin's team." Yang commented.

**Caboose: "I know my name! You can ask me, if you forget."**

Pyrrha chuckled.

**Church: "Hey, can we please focus on me?"**

"Attention whoring." Blake commented under her breath.

**Caboose: "By the way, he's Church."**

**Church: "Yes, thank you Caboose, she knows."**

**Caboose: "He is the mean one."**

"I thought Tex was the mean one, with the whole punching people while they're asleep?" Ruby asked confused.

"Love taps that wake you up." Nora shrugged grinning at Ren.

"I know what you're thinking Nora, no." Ren said forcefully.

**Church: "** _**Thank you, Caboose."** _

**Caboose: "See, he is mad. Now he'll just stare at me until I stop talking, then, when he thinks I am done talking, then he will start talking again."**

**Church: "...Okay. I was talking to Gary and-"**

**Caboose: "Told you so."**

**Church: "God dammit!"**

Yang, Weiss, and Blake laughed.

"Caboose is so much like Ruby sometimes." Yang commented.

"Like when I was younger!" Ruby defended.

**Caboose: "Classic Church."**

**Tucker: "I wonder if a ghost can have an aneurism."**

"Probably not." Ren mumbled.

**Church: "Anyway, I was talking to Gary about the Great Destroyer, who at the time we thought was Tex."**

**Fade to Church's story**

**Gary: "the great destroyer has arrived. the end is near."**

**Church: "Oh come on Gary Gary Gary, stop stop stop. Hey if Tex is not the destroyer from the prophecy, then who is?"**

**Cut to the present**

**Church: "And** _ **that's**_ **when I turned around, and I saw..."**

**Cut back to Church's story, where Church turns around and Caboose is standing in the way**

"Huh?" Ruby mumbled.

**Caboose: "Saw what? Saw O'Malley?"**

**Church: "What the- Caboose, get outta the story man. No it wasn't O'Malley."**

**Caboose: "What was it?"**

"He's in the story?" Nora asked.

"No, I think it's a way of showing that Caboose is interrupting, a very interesting and new way of doing it in a flashback." Blake commented.

"I like it as well." Ren added with a smile.

**Church: "Stop interrupting me, and I'll tell you."**

**Caboose: "A helicopter?"**

**Tucker: "Yeah Caboose, shut up." Tucker said appearing in Church's story.**

Everyone chuckled.

**Church: "Hey, Tucker, you're interrupting now too. Everybody just get outta here."**

**Tucker: "Me? I'm just tryin' to punch up the storyline. Check this out."**

**Tex with Tucker's voice steps to the ledge**

**Tucker: "Hi everybody, I'm super horny from all the robot killing. Hey is it hot in here? Who wants to help me out of this heavy armor. This breastplate is so itchy."**

Yang started laughing hysterically while Blake blushed. All the other girls scoffed except Nora.

**Cut back to the present**

**Tucker: "Bow chicka bow-"**

**Tex levels her gun at Tucker**

**Tucker: "-whoa, story's over."**

Blake glared at the screen "What a dick."

Yang coughed, "that's what she said."

Blake snarled, "that's not what I meant!"

**Tex: "You're a pig."**

Weiss, Pyrrha, and Blake nodded.

**Tucker: "I didn't even get to the part where the sailors show up."**

Yang laughed, "like every porn cliche, right Blake?"

Blake groaned, "for your information my books are not smut they are romantic novels...and none have that cliche."

**Tex: "Just tell us, what did you see?"**

**Church: "Um, it was a really big... thing."**

"So gross!" Nora said disgusted.

**Tex: "That's your story? You saw a big thing."**

**Tucker: "Eh, my story had a big thing in it too. You just didn't give it time to develop."**

Yang and Blake laughed.

"So immature." Weiss groaned.

**Church: "Well I didn't really get a clear look at it."**

**Caboose: "At Tucker's big thing."**

Yang snickered.

**Church: "No dumbass, at the big thing in the base that attacked me. All I know is that it was slimy, and it had lots of teeth."**

"Oh it was slimy too! Eaugh!" Weiss yelled.

**Tucker: "** _**Kinky** _ **."**

Yang groaned, "no not kinky." She said before laughing at his joke.

**Church: "Seriously dude, cut the shit. We've got a situation on our hands."**

"An alien is definitely a situation." Jaune mumbled.

**Tex: "Well how did you fight it off?"**

"Clearly he didn't" Pyrrha commented.

**Church: "Fight it off? You must have me confused with someone who's brave. I got the hell outta there."**

Yang laughed, "Well at least he's honest."

"That's good." Pyrrha added.

**Tex: "You're telling me you left your body behind?"**

**Church: "I had to get outta there fast. That body was just dead weight."**

"Why would it matter if he stayed? He's a ghost. Also it's a robot body, he could basically be invincible." Weiss pointed out.

Jaune sighed, "I think they're overlooking that for comedy's sake."

"If you want to make sense of it, just remember it's Church." Ren shrugged.

Weiss and Blake laughed.

"That makes sense." Weiss grinned.

**Caboose: "I know the feeling."**

**Church: "What is** _ **that**_ **supposed to mean?"**

Jaune laughed at the joke. "It means Caboose thought Church was dead weight and killed him."

**Tucker: "Hahahaha, some slimy toothed monster scared the crap outta Church! Haha!"**

"If it scared Church it would definitely scare Tucker." Yang commented.

**Tex: "He didn't scare the crap outta him, he scared the soul outta him."**

**Tucker: "Oh it's Church, what's the difference? His soul is** _ **made**_ **outta crap. Stupid crap for soul."**

 **Church: "For all I know, he's in there** _ **chewin'**_ **on my body right now."**

"A robot body so who cares." Weiss said.

Ruby huffed thinking of Penny.

**Tex: "Well, then let's go get this big thing of yours."**

**Tucker: "Bow chicka bow wow."**

Weiss and Blake groaned.

**Tex: "Oh shut up."**

**Church: "Shut up Tucker."**

**Tucker: "Did somebody call for a really hairy plumber? Bow chicka** _**bow wow!"** _

Yang laughed, "Another porn Cliche."

Ruby groaned.

**Church: "Tucker. Shut up."**

**Tucker: "I came here to lay some pipe. Bow-chicka-bow-wow!"**

Yang laughed again.

"Lay some pipe?" Runy hesitantly asked.

"For some reason a girls vag is a metaphor for pipes under a sink and in this case the pipe being laid is-" Yang started.

Ruby groaned, "I get it! Stop!"

**Church: "Tucker!"**

**Tucker: "So I hear you got sisters. Bow chicka- who're twins! -wow wow!"**

"Oh that's gross!" Yang yelled.

**Church: "Shut up."**

**Tucker: "Hey, are you a model or famous actress? Bow-chicka-bow-wow!"**

"That pickup line is far too played out." Yang grimaced.

**Church: "Shut up."**

**Tucker: "Bow chickachicka-"**

**Church: "Shut up."**

**Tucker: "gow wow chicka-"**

**Church: "Shut up."**

**Tucker: "-chicka bow bow chickachickachi bow bow!"**

"That's annoying." Pyrrha commented

"He's making a joke about porn music." Yang commented.

"You know a lot about porn." Nora commented.

"I'm a sexpert!" Yang said laughing at her own shitty pun.

The others groaned.

"There's a bunch of porn Cliches, Blake I'm sure you've seen some of the racist ones, Dog girl begs for it, Rabbit girl hops up and down on-" Yang started to list.

Blake threw a pillow at Yangs face...hard.

**Church: "Shut** _**up!"** _

**The screen faded to black**

"I agree Yang, shut up. We've had enough gross and embarrassing conversations today." Blake said

"I'll say." Jaune said with crossed arms."

Yang sighed, "Babies." She mumbled so no one could hear.

Jaune sighed and played the next one.

* * *

**My pm's are open to**

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**-Thanks!**


	59. S4E59 Hunting Time

**Author's Note:**

**New Game of Thrones trailer out a I'm hyped yet again even though I have a bad feeling about this season because of last season. Either way it will still be better than every other tv show but damn I can't wait.**

**Also some new Borderlands 3 news which is also pretty badass. Just know that when GoT starts I will not hesitate to ignore you the PEOPLE to watch that show. Because as Mike Kroon would say "Fuck the People"**

**I hope some people got the internet Box references. Thanks for all the support and please review/criticize!**

**Edit: Man, I was actually excited for season 8 of GoT... what a terrible ending.**

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**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

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**Chapter 59- Hunting Time**

" **Hunting Time" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight hummed the theme.

**Fade in to Grif still yelling like a walrus**

**Grif: "Nooooooooooo-"**

"Still annoying." Weiss sighed.

**Sniper shots make him dodge while his "Nooooooooo's" turn into screams.**

Weiss, Yang, and Blake laughed.

"Well their aim is a little better than d- Church's" Ruby commented. "Still pretty bad though."

**Sarge: "Close!"**

"Not really." Ruby sighed.

**Simmons: "Thank you sir!"**

**Simmons shoots and misses.**

**Grif: "Nooo!"**

Jaune, Ruby, and Nora laughed.

Pyrrha shook her head, "Terrible team members."

**Donut shoots and misses**

**Sarge: "Donut, you're going outta turn."**

"Why would they have to take turns?" Nora asked.

"Maybe they're making a game of it." Jaune suggested.

Nora gasped, "We should do something like that!"

"No!" Pyrrha, Jaune, and Ren yelled firmly.

 **Donut: "I thought** _ **I**_ **went after Simmons."**

"That would make sense." Ren commented.

**Sarge: "No, we go in line. It goes you then me, then Simmons, then back down to me then you, then me then me, then Simmons then me then me then Simmons, me, me Simmons you Simmons me me me Simmons you. Me. Then me again. It makes perfect sense!"**

**The entire time Sarge talks the camera tries and fails to follow his order.**

Ren sighed, "No it does not."

 **Simmons: "But doesn't that mean you go** _ **twice**_ **as much? Or,** _ **ten**_ **times as much?"**

Ren started doing the math in his head. "His math is wrong again, if you add the two together and compare it to the amount of times he goes then he only goes four more times."

Jaune nodded, "I think he's acting smart to make up for low confidence."

"But didn't he repair the teleporters?" Ruby asked.

Ren and Jaune looked at each other before sighing in defeat. "Yeah I guess we forgot." Jaune said.

**Sarge fires**

**Grif: "Ow!"**

"Definitively better than Church." Ruby smiled.

**Sarge: "This is the best game since Grifball."**

Ren hummed and wrote down the totally legitimate sport in his notes.

**Grif: "I'm not comin' down!"**

**Sarge: "Hey Grif! Move back and forth like one of those ducks at the carnival!"**

Ruby's eyes brightened "I love that game!"

Nora jumped up, "Me too!"

**Sarge fires, Grif ducks out of the way because he's telepathic or something**

Pyrrha's eyes widened, "Dodging a bullet, impressive."

 **Sarge: "No, don't duck, that makes you harder to hit.** _ **Act**_ **like a duck!"**

**Simmons: "Wait a minute, that was my turn!"**

"How does he know, Sarge's line is confusing." Ruby commented holding her head.

"I don't think he cares." Blake explained.

**Sarge: "This is the Lightning Round."**

A few of them chuckled.

**Simmons: "Who's in the lightning round?"**

**Sarge: "Me."**

**Sarge shoots**

**Grif: "Alright, fuck this, I'm comin' down!"**

**Sarge fires again**

**Grif: "OW! I said I'm comin' down!"**

**Sarge: "Hyaha, buzzer beater! Take that you stupid duck."**

Everyone chuckled except Pyrrha and Ren.

**Cut to the the moron, the possibly black guy, the AI/chick in black and the ghost/AI standing outside the complex**

**Tucker: "We haven't seen that alien thing come out, so he's probably still hiding in there."**

Everyone leaned forward very interested.

**Caboose: "Or,** _**eating Church!"** _

Everyone laughed.

**Tex: "Alright then. Let's roll."**

**Church: "Okay... Here we go..."**

**Tex: "..."**

**Caboose: "..."**

**Church: "..."**

**Tucker: "...Uh, we're not moving."**

"Why are Tex and Church scared?! They are literal ghosts they cannot be hurt by the damn thing!" Weiss complained.

Ruby gasped, "Weiss cursed!" She yelled pointing at Weiss.

Weiss groaned, "so what?"

Yang wiped a fake tear away, "I'm so proud of you."

**Church: "Yeah, yeah, okay. (clears throat) Here we go."**

**No one moved.**

**Tucker: "...We're still not moving."**

"Pussies." Yang mumbled.

**Caboose: "Does talking count as moving?"**

**Tex: "(stepping forward) Alright screw it. You guys get behind me, and stay tight."**

**Tucker: "Bowchickabowwow."**

Blake and Weiss sighed.

"Oh no it's a thing." Blake mumbled.

**Tex: "Never mind, Tucker's in front."**

Blake, Weiss, and Pyrrha laughed.

**Tucker: "Eh, it was worth it."**

**Cut back to Red Base in the Gulch... well, a little bit away from Red Base behind some rocks.**

**Sarge: "Alright men. Stay out of sight. We have to be prepared for anything."**

**Grif: "Uh, why are we hiding from our own base?"**

"Good question." Weiss commented.

**Sarge: "Because, we have no idea what's inside."**

**Simmons: "Anything could have occupied the base after we jumped in to the future."**

Weiss was actually a little taken aback, "Actually that's a good reason."

 **Donut: "Oh my God! What if** _ **we're**_ **in there?"**

"That's definitely not." Weiss commented with a sigh.

Nora gasped, "But what if it's true!"

Ren simply shook his head and smiled.

**Grif: "Yeah- no, wait. Aren't we out here?"**

**Donut: "I mean past versions of ourselves. We could go in there and meet ourselves. Oh man, we'd be best friends we'd have so much in common. Finally someone who shares the pain."**

"What pain?" Blake asked.

"Red team is full of babies." Yang commented. "Team Lone Wolf! Agent Patch!" Yang yelled holding up a fist.

"Screw that! Gooooo Bluuue team!" Ruby yelled.

"Go Red team!" Nora yelled glaring at Ruby.

"Traitor!" Ruby pointed at Nora.

**Simmons: "Donut, that's not how time travel works. We don't leave copies of ourselves behind, and even if we did they'd all be eight hundred years old. They'd all be dead by now."**

**Donut: "Speak for yourself, I could live to be eight hundred. I'm on this awesome diet!"**

Yang laughed remembering Ruby's attempt at a diet, it lasted until the word cookie was mentioned.

**Sarge: "Still doing that high fat low fibre liquid diet where you drink nothing but bacon grease?"**

Pyrrha visibly gagged, "That is _not_ a healthy diet."

Yang laughed, "I guess our champion had to go one diets."

Pyrrha nodded, "At first I hated it but then I got used to it."

"You can quit anytime." Blake reminded her.

Pyrrha nodded again, "Yeah I know but..."

"But nothing!" Jaune said confidently, "I can take you to this awesome sandwich place or or this uhh this amazing place called A simple Wok!"

Pyrrha blushed and smiled, "That sounds great Jaune."

Ruby was about to ask to go to but Yang noticed and sneakily held Ruby back and covered her mouth.

**Donut: "Nah, that was just a fad."**

**Sarge: "What's the new one?"**

**Donut: "I only eat foods that begin with vowels."**

Pyrrha groaned, "So many people don't understand that diets are not fads and diets will not get you thin quick. Nothing will, you can't just do a simple trick and get thin, if you could then everyone would do it." Pyrrha ranted.

Weiss sighed too, "People think the same thing about money, get rich quick schemes and all that. Lottery tickets are the worst, a tax on stupid people."

Pyrrha nodded, "A real diet is a low carb diet, just eat chicken without any fattening ingredients on it, just pure cooked chicken and other healthy foods. Do it for a while and you will notice results."

Ruby laughed, "not that any of us need it."

Everyone chuckled.

Yang laughed louder, "Admit it, every Huntress and Huntsman is sexy, really really sexy."

"Awww thanks!" Nora smiled.

"Even Cardin?" Blake asked hoping to rile Yang up.

Yang groaned and shrugged, "If he wasn't such an asshole he would look amazing."

"How does him being an asshole affect his looks?" Jaune asked.

Yang shrugged, "just does."

**Simmons: "That sounds really hard, what did you have for breakfast?"**

**Donut: "Eggs and Oreos. And for lunch I'm having asparagus... and Oreos."**

Pyrrha groaned.

 **Grif: "Holy crap, I've been on that diet for years! I had no idea I was so healthy! I even cut out all the eggs! And I don't even** _ **know**_ **what asparagus is."**

Pyrrha groaned even louder.

Nora jumped up "See Ren I told you! I told you! I don't know what Oreo's are but if he can survive on just one food so can I!"

Ren sighed, "You only get your pancakes after you've eaten your greens."

Nora huffed.

**Sarge: "Alright men, stop your chatterboxin'. We've got to keep our eyes open for any sign of enemy activity."**

**A tank and by tank I mean Sheila rides by in the background behind Sarge.**

**Sarge: "I can't have you not paying attention. You have to be alert!"**

Pyrrha and Weiss laughed at the irony.

**Grif Simmons and Donut follow the tank with their eyes... and heads... and probably their hearts**

**Sarge: "Constant vigilance. Composed, attentive!"**

**The three stooges look back at Sarge when the Tank moves out of sight.**

**Sarge: "See? That's much better."**

**Cut to Tucker sneaking up on an empty hallway**

Yang and Ruby giggled in anticipation.

**Church: "Hey, why didn't you bring that glowing thing?"**

Jaune nodded, wondering the same thing.

**Tucker: "No way, I'd rather have a gun."**

**Church: "** _ **I've**_ **got a gun."**

"A ghost gun." Weiss joked

Nora gasped, "Do those exist? How do you make those?"

Everyone ignored her.

**Tucker: "What're you gonna do, shoot it with ghost bullets?"**

**As Tucker is talking the arm of the Alien can be seen around a corner.**

"Look there it is!" Blake pointed out.

"Ew I see it's arm!" Ruby yelled.

**Church: "Okay yeah, that's a good point."**

**The alien moves out farther but then quickly moves back behind cover.**

**Tucker: "Hey I'm Casper, the friendly bullet."**

Yang sighed at the reference she didn't get.

**Tex: "(from below) Hey, see anything?"**

**Tucker: "Nope!"**

**Church: "You know, Andy was here when I got attacked. Maybe he knows something."**

"He's going to be real helpful." Weiss said sarcastically.

Yang laughed.

**Church heads for a window**

**Church: "Hey. Andy. Andy!"**

**Andy: "Hehehey, look who's back! The dickhead!"**

**Church: "Hey, up yours."**

**Andy: "Back for another beatin'? It must be asskick-oclock!"**

Yang laughed, "I love Andy!"

**Church: "Where's that big alien thing?"**

**Andy: "I don't know, last time I saw him he was halfway up your ass."**

Weiss and Blake groaned while Yang and Nora laughed.

**Tex: "Is this bomb giving you a hard time?"**

**Andy: "I see you brought a** _ **girl**_ **with you. What're you gonna have a** _ **crying contest?"**_

Weiss, Pyrrha, Blake, and Ruby groaned. "Sexist asshole." Blake mumbled.

Yang and Nora didn't care much.

**Church: "Hey look, there's my body right there."**

**The Alien can be seen watching him around the corner.**

**Alien: "Largh."**

Ruby laughed, "eaugh it even sounds nasty!"

**Tucker: "Huh? There it is!"**

**The camera gives a nice big zoom in on the Alien's face.**

Ruby, Yang, Weiss, and Jaune screamed shortly in shock.

"Ahh!"

"The _Fuck!"_

"It's so ugly!"

Ren was carefully taking notes.

**Church: "Jesus run!"**

**Tex: "Crap!"**

**Tucker, Church and Tex fire randomly in every direction except the one the alien is in**

**Tucker: "Oh my God oh my God I'm Gonna die what the fuck is that thing?"**

**Church: "Run!"**

**Tucker: "Women and children last!"**

Blake laughed at the dark joke.

**All three jump from various orifices of the building toward Caboose**

**Church: "Run run run run run run runn!"**

"I would panic too." Pyrrha commented.

"I would try to talk to the poor thing before judging it." Blake commented.

**Andy: "Heheh, what, you leavin' already? That's fuckin' hilarious!"**

**Tucker: "Ahhh run run run run run!"**

**Caboose: "Did we win?"**

"Obviously not." Yang laughed.

**Tucker: "Yeah Caboose we won, this is our victory lap!"**

Everyone laughed.

**Andy: "Hey come back in, I think you're tirin' him out!"**

**The screen cut to black.**

"Next one." Ruby said.

* * *

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	60. S4E60 Fight or Fright

**Author's Note:**

**Big thanks to Agent-G for his review because it gave Ruby a great line. Please remember that if you have anything that would help with the fic just suggest it to me.**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls.**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

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**Chapter 60- Flight or Fright**

" **Fight or Fright" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight hummed the theme again.

Ruby raised an eyebrow in confusion. "I thought it was Fight or Flight?"

"Maybe that is their version of it." Ren suggested.

Jaune stared laughing, "I bet it's to reference the blues and the Alien."

**Fade in to Grif, Simmons and Donut standing in front of the Warthog**

**Simmons: "I'm telling you it was here. It drove by while you were talking. You had your back turned, and it went zoom right behind you!"**

"Hmm he must be talking about Sheila." Ren mumbled.

"That's an amazing Tank, surviving for so long." Ruby commented.

Weiss nodded, "If Atlas made tanks like that, imagine what they could do against Grimm."

**Donut: "Well it really sounded like mEhhhhhhhhrchugachugachur-ah, my leg ah!"**

**Simmons: "That's not the important part of the story, Donut!"**

Jaune, Ren, and Pyrrha laughed.

"Sounds like some of Nora's embellishments." Ren commented.

**Sarge: "Sure, Simmons, I believe you. You saw an enormous tank that appeared miraculously, and then just as quickly disappeared. And you're the only one that can see it. Just like signs of Donut's heterosexuality."**

Yang and Blake laughed at the joke.

**Simmons: "No I'm not, Donut saw it!"**

"So did Grif." Ruby added.

**Donut: "Yeah."**

**Sarge: "Donut's impressionable. He'd agree with anything you said."**

**Donut: "Yeah."**

Jaune sighed while Ruby blushed.

Yang laughed, "Ruby use to be that gullible."

"So did I." Jaune groaned.

**Sarge: "Aw hell, he'd eat a spoon full of dirt if you told him it tasted like chocolate."**

Nora gasped, "Does it really taste like Chocolate?"

"No" Ren said quickly.

Ruby blushed and looked away from her sister who was cackling with glee.

"Yang stop laughing!" Ruby screeched.

That had the opposite effect.

"What is it? Ruby did you eat dirt or something?" Jaune asked.

Ruby groaned, "I was five!"

"She said she thought the world was made of chocolate and that grass was frosting!" Yang laughed even more.

Nora gasped again, "That would be amazing." She said with awe.

**Donut: "(gasp) That's not true!"**

**Sarge: "Huhuh, so that's where you draw the line?"**

**Donut: "No I mean it's not true that dirt tastes like chocolate, right? Seriously, right?"**

Ruby and Nora sighed, "I wish it did" they both said.

**Simmons: "Okay, Grif saw it too. We all saw it."**

**Grif: "I don't know what you're talking about, I didn't see a damn thing."**

"What?" Weiss said confused.

**Simmons: "What?"**

**Grif: "Tank you say? I have no idea what you're talking about. I was too busy paying attention to our Sargeant while he gave us our orders."**

Yang and Blake laughed at that.

"Worst. soldier. ever. of all time." Weiss commented.

**Simmons: "** _**Oh really** _ **, well what did he say?"**

**Grif: "Something inspiring about beating the Blues, and the base or the flag er, or something. I'm pretty sure he mentioned a pole cat too, I was getting a little emotional at the end."**

**Sarge: "You see Simmons? Some soldiers know how to pay attention."**

"Sarge is easily flattered." Blake commented.

Ren and Weiss nodded.

Pyrrha sighed, "I hate flattery, many people tried taking advantage of me that way, for promotions, for money, even for a date."

Yang sighed too, "I like people giving me compliments but...I hate it when it's just to try and take advantage of me."

**Grif: "Wow, that might be the first time you've ever actually compli-"**

**Sarge: "Shut up dirtbag."**

**Simmons: "Grif, you** _ **just told us two minutes ago**_ **that you saw it."**

"That's true." Pyrrha commented.

**Grif: "Hyeah, I know, but it's a lot more fun this way."**

Yang laughed remembering times when she messed with Ruby.

**Cut to Tucker, Caboose, Tex and the ghost of Church outside the complex**

**Church: "Ugh, man I just cannot fuckin' stand the idea of my body laid in there."**

Jaune laughed, "I wonder if this is a reference to when Tucker and Caboose left Church's actual body up on the cliff."

**Andy: "Heh haeh, you never looked better!"**

**Church: "Hey** _ **shut up, Andy!**_ **You know, we could have taken that alien out if I'd have hit him just a few more times."**

"With what? Ghost bullets." Yang joked.

"...you stole that joke from last episode." Jaune pointed out.

Yang nodded, "Yeah but this show is from another universe, we can st-"

Weiss and Blake groaned, "what evidence do we have! Nothing! I'm tired of this other universe idea!" Weiss yelled.

Blake nodded, "me too."

"Well we can still plagiarize or steal anything because its clear the person who sent us the show doesn't care!" Yang pointed out.

Weiss and Blake just huffed.

**Tucker: "A few more times? How about one time?"**

Ruby groaned at Church's inability to shoot. "I know it is kind of easy to miss with a sniper, like if the scope isn't set properly to the range or zeroed in. But come on! Doesn't he know that bullets drop? Or that he needs to take wind into account? I just hope on everything that he isn't just quick tapping the trigger and pulling it in instead of squeezing down hard on it. Because that could explain why his shots are always pulled to the side."

**Church:"Well I think I landed at least two or three shots."**

**Tucker: "Yeah right."**

**Tex: "You didn't hit anything but the wall."**

**Church: "How the hell would you know, you were runnin' straight backwards."**

**Tex: "This is a long range weapon, okay? I need distance to use it effectively."**

Ruby and everyone who had a long range weapon groaned, so everyone but Jaune.

"A long range weapon would work fine close range!" Ruby complained.

 **Tucker: "Where were you planning on shooting him** _ **from**_ **, the fucking moon? If you'd have backed up any further you'd have had to** _ **mail**_ **him the bullets."**

Everyone laughed at that joke especially Yang and Ruby.

"I _need_ to use that joke holy shit!" Yang said.

More laughter ensued.

**Tex: "You know what? I work better alone. You ladies stay here, I'll be back in two minutes with that thing's head on a platter."**

**Tex leaves and goes to enter the building.**

"Why is she using ladies as an insult?" Blake asked.

Everyone just shrugged.

**Tucker: "Does it ever bother you that the most take-charge guy on our team is a girl?"**

"Why would it?" Jaune asked, "Pyrrha is the most take charge person on my team."

Pyrrha smiled, "Thanks Jaune."

**Church: "Not at all. As long as I get my body back I don't care if I'm a hero."**

**Tucker: "..."**

**Caboose: "..."**

**Church: "What."**

**Tucker: "Huh, well, Church you're kind of a long way from "hero." Wouldn't it have been better to say "I don't care if I'm a participant?" Or maybe bystander?"**

**Church: "Shut up."**

**Caboose: "Or a decoy."**

**Church: "Hey, Caboose, don't help him okay?"**

**Tex goes in**

**Tucker: "Hey she's going in, you guys think she can take him?"**

"Yeah! Tex is a badass!" Yang yelled with a raised fist.

**Sound of a punch or something, and Tex's ghost materializes behind them**

**Tex: "Oh crap."**

Yang's face fell as the others laugh. She angrily crossed her arms in defeat. " _Bullshit!"_

**Church: "Nope."**

**Cut to Grif and Sarge watching Simmons watch Donut flying the Ghost.**

Yang stared at the Vehicle Lopez and Sheila made with envy. "I want that thing, or I at least want those blasters on my Bumblebee."

Ruby gasped, "Does this mean I can finally work on your motorcycle!"

Yang laughed, "If you can add a gun like that to my bike then yes."

Ruby squealed with glee and hugged Yang.

"Bonus if you can make it hover." Yang commented

"I don't know about that but I'll try!" Ruby yelled happily.

**Simmons: "Come on Donut, give someone else a turn!"**

**Donut: "Wait, wait, I wanna show you guys a bunny hop I'm workin' on. Look! N- no wait, now, he- look, look- awh, oh man, I was totally doin' it earlier, why weren't you guys watching then?"**

Yang smiled, "Bunny hops are easy."

**Simmons: "I need it to find the tank!"**

**Donut: "Wheeeee! Woooooo! Woohooo!"**

**Simmons chases after Donut. As Grif and Sarge talk Donut and Simmons each steal the Ghost from one another but Donut wins.**

**Sarge: "Grif. I wanna share something with you. And you can't let Simmons know."**

Everyone leaned forward very interested.

"That's weird, Sarge hates Grif." Ruby pointed out.

**Grif: "Whatever."**

**Sarge: "I think that Simmons has gone mad. It's probably some kind of Time Travel Post Traumatic Repetitive Stress Syndrome. In scientific terms, he's developed Cranial Insanitosis. Basically, he's gone bonkers."**

"Those don't sound like real diseases, or syndromes." Ren commented.

**Simmons: "(over the radio) Sarge, I'm not crazy, I really saw a tank."**

"How did he hear them!" Nora gasped.

"Probably the Radio." Jaune suggested.

**Sarge: "And apparently he's developed some kind of mutant telepathy power. Clear your mind Grif, he can hear your thoughts!"**

**Simmons: "No, you guys just left your mics on again. I keep telling you not to do that 'cause you're just wasting the batteries. Oh and guess who rechar-"**

Jaune smiled because he was right.

**Sarge: "Clearly he's sabotaging us with his superior technology. Grif, I need you to step up to the plate. You're my number 2 man now."**

**Grif: "Does that mean more work?"**

**Sarge: "Of course. You'll have to do Simmons' regular duties on top of the responsibilities I normally entrust you with."**

**Grif: "So basically just Simmons' duties then."**

A few of them chuckled.

 **Sarge: "Right. Luckily we still have Donut, so no-one has to fill in** _ **his**_ **shoes. Donut! Combat situation!"**

**Donut: "Yes Sir, I'm on it. Whaaaaaaaaaaaa! (continues screaming like a woman)"**

Everyone laughed at that...until Donut's screaming got annoying.

**Sarge: "What a pro. Simmons- I mean Grif! Establish a perimeter!"**

**Grif: "Huh? What's that?"**

"A perimeter of safety, like setting up camp and making sure no dangers are close." Weiss answered.

 **Sarge: "Make a border around us, and** _ **make sure no**_ **enemy crosses it."**

**Grif: "Huh, that sounds like a lot of effort. Can't I just go back to being number 3 again?"**

**Sarge: "Number 3? Whaddaya mean 'Number 3?'"**

**Grif: "Oh right, Donut. Can I go back to being number 4 then?"**

"Lopez." Jaune added.

"I'm surprised Donut isn't fourth and Lopez isn't third." Blake commented.

"Me too." Pyrrha added.

**Sarge: "And Lopez."**

**Grif: "Fine. I'll be number 5, I don't care."**

**Sarge: "I don't know, that O'Malley guy can really work a rocket launcher."**

"What? He's not a Red." Weiss pointed out.

**Grif: "But he's the enemy!"**

**Sarge: "I'm not real particular. Now get to work on that perimeter! Bogey approaching!"**

**Simmons: "Sir I** _ **really**_ **think we should be looking for that tank."**

**Sarge: "Hold on a minute. Let's just take it easy there, Private First Class Dick Simmons."**

Ren smiled and wrote down the name.

"I will never understand why people name their kids 'Dick' don't people understand how bad that name is?" Jaune ranted.

Yang laughed, "I know, parents are idiots, I hate how parents will name their kids something normal but then have the spelling weird."

Jaune laughed, "Jaune but with J,O,N or with an H."

...

"Jaune you do know your way of Jaune is the weird one right?" Yang asked.

Jaune sighed, "Yeah."

**Grif starts drawing in the dirt with a sniper rifle**

**Simmons: "But I- hey, what? Why did you use my** _ **full**_ **name?"**

**Sarge: "Grif, what in Sam hill are you doin'?"**

"Who is this Sam Hill?" Ren mumbled.

**Grif: "I secured your perimeter Sir. Now I'm gonna go over to the chow hall and secure some Oreos. I got a diet to keep up. Break time! (starts running to the base)"**

Pyrrha groaned, "Still not a diet."

**Sarge: "Honeymoon's over, numbnuts! You're back down to number 7!"**

**Grif: "Oh yeah? Well I saw the tank too!"**

**Cut back to the Blues with Tex and Church as ghosts but not actually ghosts because they are Alpha and Beta Shhhhhhhhhh!**

**Tucker: "Maybe Caboose should try talking to him."**

**Caboose: "Uhh, what would** _ **I**_ **say?"**

Pyrrha smiled, "I have faith in Caboose."

**Tucker: "Start with some common ground. Like how you both killed Church."**

Jaune and Yang laughed.

**Caboose: "Mmm... good times."**

**Church: "You know I actually like that idea."**

Everyone sat up confused.

**Tex: "You do?"**

**Church: "Well think about it. While our Ambassador here is either being a)** _ **eaten**_ **by the alien, or b)** _ **digested**_ **, by the alien, you and I can sneak back in and get our bodies."**

Weiss groaned, "I can't tell if Church or Sarge is a worse leader."

"Oh Sarge for sure." Blake said immediately.

"I thought you were for Red team?" Ruby asked. "Are you thinking of switching over!"

Blake smiled, "No, I like Simmons, Donut, and Grif"

Ruby slumped back into her seat.

**Caboose: "I would make an excellent Ambidasdor, because I am very shy!"**

**Tucker: "Get away from me freak!"**

"Not shy at all." Yang laughed.

**Church: "You know if that word's too hard to pronounce, you can just call yourself bait."**

Everyone chuckled even Pyrrha.

**Tex: "(at the top of the ramp) There's my body."**

Yang sighed, "she barely got past...anything."

**Church: "Oh yeah, hey look, there's your body. Heh heh heh huh, you really didn't make it very far, did you."**

Yang sighed again.

**Tex: "You know I wonder, ih if I killed a ghost, would it come back as a ghost of a ghost?"**

Ren was wondering the same thing.

"What if he can do that! And only Tex could see him?" Nora gasped.

**Church: "Yeah that's a good point I'll... shut up now."**

**Cut to Caboose sneaking up on the bomb**

**Caboose: "Hey Andy. Say, have you seeeeen, it's a big uh, slimy, like alien looking thing it's uhhh, it's shaped just kinda like that shadow that's on the ground next to you. Oh."**

**The shadow of the Alien appeared while Caboose talked.**

**The screen faded to black.**

"Ohhh no." Jaune mumbled.

Pyrrha just smiled, "I still have faith in him."


	61. S4E61 Fair Competition

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

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**Chapter 61- Fair Competition**

" **Fair Competition" appeared on the screen with the usual theme.**

All eight hummed the theme happily.

**Fade in to Sarge talking to the other Reds.**

**Sarge: "Alright men. Donut. Since Simmons has been demoted for reasons of dementia-"**

**Simmons: "The tank was real!"**

"If anyone has dementia it's Sarge." Blake commented.

Yang and Weiss laughed at Blake's joke.

**Sarge: "And he's been ordered by the Judge to stay at least two hundred yards away from us-"**

Jaune frowned "Judge?"

**Simmons: "Oh come on, that wasn't a real Judge, that was Donut wearing a powdered wig!"**

Jaune laughed.

**Donut: "Over- huhem, ahuhh, (in a deeper voice now) overruled. Shame on you. Hurr."**

**Sarge: "We are now holding auditions for the permanent position of Second in Command, here at Blood Gulch Outpost Number One."**

Ruby furrowed her brows, "Second in command?" She said mostly to herself.

"It means the second person who will lead-" Weiss started.

"No no no, I- I know what it means but...as team leader I don't have a second in command." Ruby explained.

"Neither do I." Jaune added.

"Well, obviously I'm second in command." Yang said gesturing to herself.

Weiss scoffed, "What? If anyone is second in command it's me. I am her partner after all."

Blake sighed when she realized what was happening, but then got a mischievous look on her face. "I think I should be second in command."

Everyone gasped and stared at her.

"What? You want to be second in command?" Yang asked.

Blake chuckled, "Yes, Ruby who should be second in command?"

Ruby looked between all three of her friends and teammates with uncertainty. She had no idea who to pick and was afraid that if she did she would hurt the other two.

Ruby ran a hand through her hair "I- I don't know I can't pick!"

"I'm your sister!" Yang yelled.

"I'm most qualified for the position!" Weiss pointed out.

"We both like books!" Blake added quickly thinking of a reason. She just wanted to see the drama and mess with the other two. Normally this would be something Yang would do but, _I can have fun too_ she thought.

Ruby looked frantically in between all three, "I I- I don't uhh Umm uhhh Jaune! Who's second in command on your team?!"

Jaune was about to answer but Yang intercepted, "No no no no! You cannot deflect this. Who is second in command?"

As the three competed and Ruby panicked Pyrrha leaned over to Jaune. "Who is second in command anyway?" She whispered.

"No one really, I value everyone's judgement and opinion." Jaune answered.

Pyrrha smiled, "That's why you're a great leader."

Ren leaned in too, "I am curious though, who would lead if you couldn't?"

Jaune scratched his chin in thought, "hmm, probably Pyrrha."

Pyrrha held a hand to her chest, "me?"

Jaune nodded, "You can inspire people, and you're the best fighter in this school."

Pyrrha smiled, "thank you Jaune but...I don't think I could ever lead. Maybe Ren."

"I'm more of an advisor." Ren pointed out.

"I can be second in command!" Nora said happily.

The other three laughed as team RWBY's argument came to a fever pitch.

"BUT I'M YOU'RE SISTER!" Yang yelled.

"That shouldn't matter, I am more qualified." Weiss argued.

"I have the most experience." Blake argued with a grin.

"I CAN'T CHOOSE!" Ruby screamed.

Jaune and Pyrrha laughed.

"Can you all talk about this later?" Jaune asked.

All four looked at Jaune, nodded, and sat down.

**Simmons: "WHAT!?"**

**Sarge: "And since Simmons is disqualified because of the aforementioned cookooness, and since Grif is ineligible-"**

Ruby gasped and smiled, "Maybe I can hold an audition and competition like Sarge is!"

"Yeah! I'll win for sure!" Yang yelled confidently.

Weiss scoffed, "I am confident in my abilities."

Blake smiled, "I am the most versatile of the three of us."

Jaune smiled, "I'll help you set up whatever you want competition Ruby."

Ruby smiled, "Actually I was thinking I could just do whatever Sarge does."

Weiss groaned, "I'm afraid of what he'll think up."

"Because you'll lo _o_ se." Yang said in a sing song voice to taunt Weiss.

Weiss squinted, "I will face whatever challenge is put against me."

Blake just smiled.

**Grif: "Or because I don't wanna compete?"**

**Sarge: "Because you're ineligible!"**

**Grif: "No, I just don't want to compete."**

**Sarge: "Of course you don't, because you're ineligible!"**

**Grif: "(sigh) Whatever."**

"They've really nailed down the writing for the characters." Blake commented.

Ren nodded, "I have to agree, I am personally loving the dialogue as much as you." Ren said to Blake.

 **Donut: "I guess that means** _ **I**_ **get the job, because I'm unopposed, which is the same way I got "Most Likely to be Fabulous" in high school."**

**Sarge: "Actually Donut, I managed to find some other candidates for you to compete against."**

"Hmm?" Ren mumbled, "new characters?"

Blake groaned, "I hope its not more of those religious Fanatics."

**Donut: "** _**Huh?"** _

**Sarge: "We've located an old wrench used by Lopez, and this skull of unknown origin. Some dirt and a rock entered the preliminaries but they didn't make it to the semifinals. Lazy bastards."**

**The screen cut to show Donut looking down at a skull and a wrench.**

"Skull of unknown origin?" Ren mumbled.

"Do you think it's Church's?" Jaune asked.

"Or Tex's" Blake added.

"Hmmm, it looks like a male Skull, more defined and thicker. Also wider rather than slender." Ren explained.

"...Normally I would think it's creepy that someone knows that but you just like to learn everything." Yang said.

**Donut: "Hyes. You guys are goin' down. In yo face** _**wrench** _ **, in yo face! Take that,** _**bonehead** _ **, ha ha ha, woo!"**

"How could you possibly compete against a wrench and a skull?" Weiss asked.

"I would win!" Nora said confidently.

"Yeah? How could you possibly lose?" Weiss asked.

Blake chuckled, "Somehow I think Donut will."

"I think Donut will win, and that's not just me believing in him. I don't think it's possible to lose to inanimate objects." Pyrrha commented.

**Sarge: "You will be competing against each other in a series of grueling events, in order to gain my attention. First up, the obstacle course, Grif! Get the alligators!"**

"Obstacle course good idea!" Ruby lit up.

**Grif: "I thought I was ineligible."**

**Sarge: "To earn my respect, dirtbag. You're still perfectly capable of grunt work."**

**Simmons: "Oh man, I can't believe this. My life was going exactly as planned. I was second in command of a marginally successful unit, I had a superior officer who genuinely cared about me, I had the respect and admiration of all my peers. That was the dream! How did it all go so wrong? How! Hahahahow!? Maybe that stupid tank** _ **was**_ **just a figment of my imagination."**

"The military unit was so unsuccessful that the only death's on blue team were caused by team killings, Tex was just a hired gun. Sarge barely cares about any of his soldiers, Grif certainly doesn't respect Simmons and that feeling is mutual." Weiss pointed out.

**The camera panned over to Sheila behind Simmons.**

**Sheila: "I don't think so."**

**Simmons: "Shut up, you ruined my life."**

"What life did he have?" Blake asked to no answer.

**Cut to Caboose talking to what appears to be nobody but secretly offscreen a certain Alien is going "Blargh" he's also talking to Andy the talking bomb.**

**Caboose: "I think I will call him Crunchbite."**

Pyrrha smiled, "I told you I had faith in him, I knew he would succeed."

"Crunchbite? For his teeth?" Ruby asked.

"Probably, but that's a terrible name." Yang commented.

**Andy: "Eh, that's a** _**stupid name** _ **."**

Yang laughed.

**Caboose: "Uh, well I think it's better than your suggestion. Crouchosaurus?"**

"Yeah he is always crouching isn't he?" Yang noticed.

"What's an osaurus?" Nora asked looking to Ren.

Ren shrugged.

**Church: "Caboose, who're you talkin' to- HOLY SHIT!"**

**The camera panned to show the Alien.**

**Alien: "Blargh!"**

"It's still so gross." Nora commented.

"What kind of weapon is that?" Ruby asked looking at the needler.

"I think I thought of a name." Yang said smiling, "look at it's mouth...er tentacles"

"Mandibles." Ren correct.

"Mandibles...his mouth looks like a squid, and and his mandibles have teeth. So why not Squid teeth?" Yang suggested.

"That's an...interesting name." Pyrrha tried to praise.

"It's awful." Weiss said bluntly.

"Oh yeah? Why don't you think of a better one princess!" Yang shot back.

"Why not just Alien? Or Osaurus?" Weiss suggested. "Osaurus sounds good."

"Why don't we just wait for them to give it a name?" Jaune asked.

**Caboose: "Stop! He is my friend."**

Pyrrha smiled.

**Alien: "Blargharg."**

"What kind of noises is he making? Sounds like an animal." Ruby said.

"Maybe he is an animal?" Weiss suggested.

"No he has Armor look." Jaune pointed out.

"It looks like a shell, maybe it's scales." Yang suggested.

"No, I think that's just the bad graphics. Look it has lights on the chest, or glowy things." Jaune explained. "Also what kind of animal has a weapon?"

**Caboose: "He is not going to eat anybody."**

**Andy: "Yeah, he thinks you guys** _ **stink**_ **too much to eat."**

"How would he know?" Weiss asked.

**Alien: "Blargh."**

**Tex: "He thinks** _ **we**_ **stink?"**

**Alien: "Blargh blargh."**

**Tex: "It smells like someone set a fish on fire in here."**

"Ugh." Blake said disgusted, having known what that smells like.

**Alien: "Largh?"**

"Maybe it's a language?" Ren mumbled.

"Are you going to try and decipher it?" Ruby asked.

"Maybe, But it's not much to go on. Sounds like grunts more than anything." Ren explained.

**Church: "Caboose, what the fuck man, are you sure about this thing?"**

**Caboose: "Absolutely, he has not tried to bite me, at all."**

**Alien: "** _**Hnnk!"** _

**Caboose: "Since he bit me the first time."**

Pyrrha chuckled, "Caboose is very forgiving."

**Andy: "Heheh yeah, that was hilarious."**

**Caboose: "I think I might need a tetanus shot."**

**Alien: "Blargh blargh, largh** _ **hnnk**_ **blargh."**

**Church: "Whoa, that thing's breath smells like infected cheese on a hotplate. (coughs violently)**

**Tucker starts coming down the ramp**

**Alien: "RARGH!, blargh!"**

**Andy: "I don't think he liked that."**

"So he understand them." Ren commented.

**Tucker: "Whoa, man, what is that stench?"**

**Alien: "Hargh."**

**Tucker: "Is a skunk juggling dead hamsters in here?"**

Nora gasped horrified, "Aww noo! Poor hamsters!"

Ruby was thinking the same thing, "I know I love hamsters!"

**Alien: "Largh."**

**Tucker: "It smells like old yogurt."**

**Alien: "Largh, whargh, wharharhrgh."**

**Tucker: "Did you eat and then throw up a can of trash?"**

**Alien: "Hnnk!"**

**Caboose: "That's exactly what he said right before he bit me."**

Everyone chuckled.

"Tucker is about to get bit." Ruby said laughing.

"He's like a dog growling before biting." Ren commented.

Yang grinned, "or a cat hissing."

Blake glared at Yang.

**Alien: "Largher, hnnk! Hrarhrh."**

**Tex: "You understand what he's saying?"**

**Alien: "Largh... (etc, just kinda keeps going in the background)"**

**Church: "Whey hey wait, I think I'm hearing a pattern here. I think that blarghs come after honks. Or, vice versa."**

Ren nodded along as he wrote in his notes.

**Caboose: "I think, I think blargh means, me, or, apples. Guys, Apples must be the name of his cat! Quick, quick, is- is Apples stuck in a tree? I will call the fire department."**

**Church: "Mister Huge Alien, do you understand what** _ **we**_ **are saying?"**

"Maybe that can be his name!" Nora suggested, "Mister alien!"

**Alien: "Wharrrgh!" The alien said while opening it's mouth wide and growling.**

"Ohh so gross!" Yang yelled.

"Aggh! I could see inside it's mouth!" Ruby screamed.

"Ren trashcan!" Nora yelled.

**Church: "I have no idea if that means yes or no."**

Ren sighed while getting a trashcan, "same here."

**Caboose: "Totally blows away your vica versa theory. Sorry."**

**Tucker: "You two are retarded. You're not gonna be able to figure out alien language by experimentation, give it up."**

"That's true." Ren commented.

**Church: "You don't know that!"**

**Tucker: "You don't even know how they talk. What if their language isn't entirely verbal? It could be part telepathic, or via** _**smells** _ **. Whoh"**

Ren hastily jotted that down in his notes.

**Church: "Well if it's via smells then you should be fluent in the language already. Jackass."**

Yang and Blake burst out laughing.

"Burn!" Yang yelled.

**Alien: "Hnnk!"**

**Church: "Oh shut up, you're not helping."**

**Caboose: "Wait! I think Tucker might be right. I think he might be saying things telepathically. I just heard something in my head!"**

Ren continued to write things down in his notes.

**Church: "What? What was it?"**

**Caboose: "It was a voice, saying, "Blargh blargh blargh honk."**

"Well that's not helpful." Ren sighed.

**Church: "That wasn't in your head Caboose, he just said that. You're just so dumb you're lagged a few seconds behind us. By the time your brain figures out what it's heard, it feels like it's already happened."**

**Caboose: "..."**

**Caboose: "... That's not true. Wait! I hear something else in my head! It must be Apples, trying to communicate with me! Quick, Tucker, get a ladder"**

**The scene cut to black.**

Pyrrha sighed but smiled.

"It's so interesting to see what people think an alien looks like." Ren Commented.

Jaune nodded, "yeah in most movies they look so unrealistic."

"Do aliens exist?" Nora asked.

"It's very likely." Ren answered.

"What? How can alien's exist?" Weiss asked.

"Think about how large the universe is, we can't be the only life out there." Ren explained.

Weiss nodded, "oh, well if aliens do exist they are nowhere near here."

"And we will likely never meet any form of intelligent life ever, even if we somehow found a way to leave the atmosphere." Ren explained.

"Which really sucks, if we could leave the atmosphere we wouldn't need the CCT's." Jaune complained.

"What do you mean?" Weiss asked.

"Atlas scientists had plans for something called a satellite, that would orbit remnant and act as a CCT." Jaune explained.

Weiss nodded, "Well when I can I will get the smartest Atlas scientists to work on solar power, maybe they can use that somehow for space travel."

Jaune smiled and nodded, "yeah! Like use dust to accelerate and get off the ground and solar power after that."

Weiss shrugged, "I don't know I'm not the scientist."

"Which is why I will be second in command!" Yang said confidently.

"You definitely aren't a scientist!" Weiss yelled.

Jaune sighed as the old argument started again.


	62. S4E62 Lost in Triangulation

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 62- Lost in Triangulation**

" **Lost in Triangulation" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

Everyone hummed the theme again.

**Fade in to Sarge in the Gulch**

**Sarge: "Alright dirtbags, after the third round of the competition, it's still anyone's contest."**

"Ruby when are we having our competition?" Blake asked.

"After the show, but first I want to see what other stuff Sarge has for his. So far it's just the obstacle course." Ruby explained.

"Jaune are we having a competition!" Nora asked hopefully.

"We don't need one." Jaune answered.

"Pleeeeaaaase!" Nora whined.

"Uhh you guys can compete in ours" Ruby said.

"What! You can't let someone on their team be second in command!" Yang complained.

"No no I mean they can uhh can compete but can't win...anything." Ruby explained.

"Then what's the point!" Nora yelled.

"...bragging rights?" Ruby suggested with a shrug.

"...YES! I will win bragging rights!" Nora yelled happily.

"Wait but then how do you decide who's second in command if Nora is competing?" Blake asked.

"Yeah because I don't think any of us are competing." Jaune said gesturing to Pyrrha and Ren who nodded.

"Whichever of you three get's the highest on the rounds wins second in command." Ruby explained. "Nora just gets bragging rights over you three."

The three thought on it for a second.

"Deal." Yang said.

"I accept the terms." Weiss said.

Blake remained quiet.

**Donut: "Yeahah, burn** _**wrench** _ **, anyone includes me! Hahah."**

**Sarge: "Donut was leading after the obstacle course, and talent contest."**

"Talent contest!" Ruby said happily. "Great idea."

**Donut: "** _**Awesome** _ **. Whodihoo!"**

**Sarge: "But then the mysterious skull pulled ahead during the question and answer session."**

"Hmmm, I already have a few questions in mind!" Ruby exclaimed.

"How can a Skull win anything?" Weiss asked.

"Maybe Sarge is going crazy." Yang suggested.

**Donut: "That doesn't seem physically possible."**

Weiss nodded.

**Sarge: "So the standings are the skull, Donut, and in third the wrench. Which is the current crowd favourite."**

**Cut to the warthog with pro-wrench propaganda on it**

" **Go Wrench!"**

" **All the way to State!"**

" **Skull Sucks!"**

**Warthog: "(Honk Honk Honk!)"**

"How is this even a competition? It's Donut against two inanimate objects." Weiss complained.

**Grif: "Haha, maybe the skull will be your new sidekick.** _**Hey Sarge, how can I kiss your ass if I don't have any lips?"** _

Yang and Blake burst out laughing.

**Sarge: "And in last place Grif."**

"What? I thought he was ineligible." Blake said.

**Grif: "What? I thought I was ineligible."**

Blake groaned as Yang laughed.

**Sarge: "Ineligible to** _**win** _ **, dead man. Luckily there's no chance of that happening since the last round is the evening-wear competition."**

Weiss smirked while Nora glared at the screen horrified.

"What! Evening wear competition? Ren! Help me with that one!" Nora yelled.

Yang stood up. "No that's cheating! You can't get any help!" Yang yelled.

"I will decide if something is cheating!...but yeah, that's cheating." Ruby explained.

Nora groaned.

"I don't want to wear a dress again." Nora complained.

"Me neither." Blake said crossing her arms.

"No no no, Blake you decided to join in on a competition between me and Weiss just to mess with us so you have to go through with it!" Yang yelled.

"And so do you Nora." Weiss added.

Blake groaned when she realized her fun had backfired on her.

**Donut: "Whohoa, you're in trouble now skull."**

**The screen cut to show the Skull with a top-hat and a monocle and the Wrench with a red bowtie.**

"That is a fancy skull." Nora commented.

**Grif: "Then can I quit?"**

**Sarge: "Course not, only** _ **eligible**_ **contestants can withdraw from the competition."**

Weiss crossed her arms. "I still don't understand why Nora is eligible to compete."

"Because I will win!" Nora answered.

"Nuh uh not a chance, I will win." Yang said gesturing to herself.

"You wanna bet!" Nora yelled.

"Yeah! 100 Lien says I win!" Yang yelled confidently.

"You're on Blondie!" Nora yelled holding out a hand for Yang.

Yang grabbed her hand without a second thought and shook. The two glared at each other smiling.

"...what if you both lose?" Blake asked.

"That won't happen." Nora said confidently.

"But if it does?" Weiss asked.

"It won't." Yang said equally as confident.

Weiss and Blake sighed.

**Grif: "(sigh)"**

**Sarge: "I guess you'll just have to settle for fifth place turdbelly."**

"Fifth?" Jaune asked confused.

 **Grif: "** _ **Fifth**_ **place? Should I even ask who's in fourth?"**

**Sarge: "I'm reserving fourth place for any late entries, who would obviously be better than you. Such as a turd, or a turd farmer."**

Yang and Weiss started laughing.

**Cut to Church talking to Gamma**

**Church: "Hey Gary, is there any way that you could translate what this big alien is saying to us?"**

**Gamma: "no"**

**Church: "Aw come on man, isn't this one of the aliens that built you?"**

**Gamma: "yes, but I do not know much about those creatures. I was only programmed with knowledge of the shisnos. I mean you."**

Blake sighed at the racism.

**Church: "Yeah listen man, that word is really startin' to bug me a little bit."**

"Same here." Blake commented.

**Gamma: "you did not even know what it meant until I told you."**

**Church: "I know but you just say it so much."**

**Gamma: "I only say shisno in context. like when talking to a shisno or about a shisno. I think I see what you mean shisno."**

Blake groaned again.

**Church: "So you'll stop."**

**Gamma: "Inter-species prejudices take a long time to overcome. but I will try."**

Blake sighed, "That is very true."

"Eventually people will learn to live together." Pyrrha reassured.

Blake smiled. "Thanks Pyrrha."

**Church: "Thanks."**

**Gamma: "luckily, I am not lazy like a shisno."**

**Church: "Yeah it's pretty clear you mean to give this your best effort."**

**Gamma: "I think the important thing is that I am trying."**

"Not trying very hard." Blake commented.

**Cut to Church wandering the halls or something walking up to Tucker Caboose and the Alien.**

**Tucker: "Okay. Church, is trying to get a translator. So that we can talk to each other."**

**Church: "Tucker, the enormous alien doesn't speak our language, speaking slowly is not gonna help."**

**Tucker: "What? I'm talking to Caboose."**

Yang, Blake, and Weiss started laughing.

**Church: "Oh."**

**Caboose: "I don't understand. Are- are- are you Hungary? Tucker are you Hungary? Are you cold?"**

Pyrrha laughed at Caboose's line and innocence.

**Tucker: "What? No."**

**Caboose: "Do you need a blanket? Tucker, do you want some hot dogs in a blanket?"**

"Those sound good." Yang said hungrily.

"Ren?" Nora asked hopefully.

"After the show." Ren assured.

**Tucker: "Dammit no, Caboose I'm not cold, I don't want a hot dog, and if you put mustard in my fucking sheets again I'm gonna kill you."**

Yang got a mischievous look on her face.

**Caboose: "Okay gargantuan alien, now that we have decided to keep you, you need a real name. I vote for Fluffy."**

"That is a terrible name." Jaune commented.

**Tucker: "Fluffy?"**

**Caboose: "Fluffy! The alien that only loves!"**

"Yeah you can tell he only loves, especially since he bit Caboose." Yang said sarcastically.

 **Tucker: "He's** _ **got**_ **to have a name. Why don't we just ask him? Hey alien dude, what's your name?** _ **Name. I am Tucker. This is Church. That's Bitch-pants McCrabby."**_

Yang started laughing.

"The Alien doesn't understand english. Asking for it's name isn't going to help." Ren commented.

**Tex: "Hey!"**

**Tucker: "Well that's what we call you."**

**Caboose: "Not me, I call you** _ **Mrs.**_ **McCrabby."**

Pyrrha laughed lightly.

**Tex: "Thanks." She said sarcastically.**

**Church: "What, is your name?"**

**Alien: "Hernk Hurnk."**

**Church: "Your** _**name** _ **."**

**Alien: "Hernk Hurnk."**

**Church: "** _**Nayymuh** _ **."**

"Honk honk really can't be it's name." Yang commented.

"I hope it's not." Weiss said.

"I like the name Honk Honk, it's funny." Nora said smiling.

**Tucker: "Just keep repeating it Church, I'm sure he'll come up with the right definition on his own."**

**Church: "He is Tucker.** _**Tucker** _ **. You are?"**

**Alien: "Hernk Hurnk."**

**Church: "No no. No. Not "honk honk." Name."**

**Alien: "Hernk Hurnk."**

**Church: "Okay, I give up, all this guy says is honk honk."**

**Tex: "Well have you ever considered the fact that his** _ **name**_ **is Honk Honk?"**

Weiss groaned, "really?"

**Alien: "Blargh?"**

**Tucker: "Do you have any idea how stupid that sounds?"**

**Church: "Hyeah, I mean seriously, what kind of name is Honk Honk?"**

"Exactly." Weiss complained.

**Alien: "Blargh?"**

**Church: "Hey, big alien, is your name Honk Honk?"**

**Alien: "Blargh."**

**Church: "Hey wait a second, I think blarg means yes. Alien, does blarg mean yes?"**

**Alien: "Blarg."**

Ren squinted and furrowed his eyebrows, "hmm"

**Church: "Holy shit! Blarg means yes, he just said yes blarg means yes. I speak alien!"**

"So...Alien and Spanish." Ren mumbled.

**Tex: "Yeah, unless blarg means no. In which case, he just said no, blarg does not mean yes."**

Ren sighed.

**Church: "** _**What** _ **, no way. Hey alien, am I right?"**

**Alien: "Blarg."**

**Church: "Haha, see? The fuck do you know."**

**Cut to Sarge**

**Sarge: "After the final tabulations, we've declared a winner! Grif, the envelope please."**

**Grif: "** _ **Envelope?**_ **We don't have any envelopes, this is the army."**

"The army should have plenty of envelopes." Weiss pointed out.

**Sarge: "Donut's the winner."**

**Donut: "Hoh, yes!"**

**Simmons: "Well, my life's officially over. Time to go kill myself."**

Blake laughed.

Everyone stopped and stared at her in shock.

"...what?" Blake asked.

**Sheila: "Wait for me!"**

**Simmons: "Look, no offense imaginary tank, but I don't believe in you. You're just a product of my imagination."**

"It must be a scary thing to think you're going crazy." Blake commented.

**Sheila: "Actually, I'm a product of the military contractor that made the lowest bid. I'm a little ashamed of that."**

**Simmons: "Well leave me alone, I can't have some imaginary tank ruining my excellent reputation. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go dig a hole to live in."**

**Simmons runs off a little bit**

**Simmons: "(sigh) I wish Grif was here. I could convince him there was food in the ground, then he would dig half the hole for me. Or, maybe a third of a hole. Then he'd use the shovel to eat oatmeal. On second thought I** _ **don't**_ **wish Grif was here."**

**Sheila: "You can live with me."**

**Simmons: "Just ignore it, it's** _**not real** _ **."**

"Does he not remember Sheila?" Ruby asked.

"Yeah they met her in like...the fourth episode." Yang commented.

 **Sheila: "I have my own base. In fact, I've made** _ **lots**_ **of renovations since you all left. See?"**

**Simmons turns to see Blue Base**

"It looks exactly the same except for the bridge thing and longer ramp." Weiss commented.

**Simmons: "Hey, that's the old Blue base."**

**Sheila: "Yes! I was sent to guard it from something. I can't really remember what... some of my memory banks have failed over the years. Do you remember what the Blues were fighting?"**

"I thought Church just told her to send the distress signal." Ruby commented.

**Simmons: "Uuuuuuh I think it was pirates."**

**Sheila: "Are you sure? I think it was another army. I think they were a different colour."**

**Simmons: "No, it was definitely pirates."**

**Sheila: "That doesn't sound right."**

**Simmons: "Yeah, pirates. And, I think there were some ninjas that were working with them."**

"He's a terrible liar." Blake commented

Yang and Nora nodded.

**Sheila: "No I don't think so."**

**Simmons: "And I think they had travelled, from another planet."**

**Sheila: "Incorrect."**

**Simmons: "I think it was called Cowboyland."**

**Sheila: "Negative."**

**Simmons: "And they were here to rustle up some cattle."**

**Sheila: "No."**

**Simmons: "But the Blues were gonna stop'em."**

**Sheila: "Naw."**

**Simmons: "No wait- monkeys. Monkey pirates."**

**Sheila: "Nope."**

**Simmons: "From ...Uranus."**

"Your anus?" Yang asked before bursting out laughing.

"It's not that funny." Weiss sighed.

**Sheila: "My logical data analysis sector indicates that would be highly unlikely. And my bullshit meter agrees"**

**The screen cut to black.**

Blake and Weiss burst out laughing.

"Bullshit meter, if only those existed." Weiss commented

Nora gasped. "The SDC can make them!"

Weiss laughed, "A lie detector test could be useful."

"They already tried making them, except they didn't work. They were easy to pass you just had to be calm and if you were nervous telling the truth they would sometimes read it as a lie." Jaune explained.

"Machines can't understand emotion." Ren commented.

Ruby huffed, she knew a machine that had a soul.

* * *

**My pm's/Reviews are open to**

**-Suggestions for this FanFiction**

**-Requests for any new FanFictions**

**-Advice on writing**

**-Reviews**

**-Pointing out any and all mistakes**

**-Questions, any and all**

**-the worst thing(s) about this story**

**-the best thing(s) about this story**

**-how I can fix the worst things**

**-how I can improve the best things**

**-any and all nit picks/small things that you don't like**

**-Thanks!**


	63. S4E63 The Hard Stop

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 63- The Hard Stop**

" **The Hard Stop" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight hummed the theme except Ruby who was writing something down.

"Ruby what's that?" Weiss asked.

Ruby smiled "Questions for the second in command competition."

**Fade in to the building the Blues are in**

**Tucker: "Church! Chuu-urch, hey Church!"**

**Church: "I'm right behind you dumbass."**

Jaune chuckled.

**Tucker: "Oh. Hey Church, do you have a knife?"**

"Did he forget about his awesome sword?" Jaune asked.

"Oh yeah that reminds me." Weiss said pulling out her scroll. "The sword testing is going great but they are reaching a standstill. They need a more detailed design. So basically we need to wait for the next game if there is one." Weiss explained. "They're trying to make it efficient because Hardlight dust is so rare."

Jaune sighed, "I hope there is a next game."

"Oh yeah, Ruby do you think you can do what I wanted for Bumblebee?" Yang asked.

Ruby sighed, "I don't know, maybe. Remember those guns the Robot army had? I was thinking of just modifying those and putting them into the motorcycle."

Yang nodded and smiled.

"Ruby may I make a request too?" Ren asked.

Ruby smiled, "Yeah sure!"

"Can you make me two of those guns? Or modify my Stormflower weapons so that they shoot those energy bolts?" Ren asked.

Ruby looked down and scratched an imaginary beard. "Maybe, if I can do one I can do the other." Ruby said gesturing to Yang and Ren to symbolize both of their requests.

"What about making Bumblebee hover?" Yang asked.

"The technology exists with Gravity dust, in Argus we had floating bus taxi's." Pyrrha said. "I can ask someone I know there about it."

"And I can ask Saphron! She moved there recently." Jaune said happily.

Ruby and Yang smiled.

**Church: "No. That's a weapon dude, ask Tex."**

**Tucker: "She said she had something to take care of. Girl stuff I think."**

**Church: "Huh? Like what?"**

**Tucker: "H- I don't know, I stopped asking questions at 'girl stuff'."**

**Church: "What're you two guys doin'?"**

**Tucker: "We're gonna teach the Alien how to speak English."**

"I doubt they can." Weiss said.

Pyrrha sighed, "me too."

**Church: "How're you gonna do** _**that?"** _

**Tucker: "People learn English all the time, it aren't** _ **that**_ **hard."**

"Maybe he should learn Grammar first." Blake commented as Weiss nodded.

 **Church: "Maybe you should try learning** _ **his**_ **language."**

"Learn the language of Blarg's and Honks" Nora said. "Awesome!"

Yang laughed.

**Tucker: "Fuck that, we got here first, and that makes this a colony. Those're the rules, dude. Earth colony, Earth language."**

"Earth..." Ren mumbled. "They mentioned that before. Maybe Earth is a planet or... no It would have to be a planet. Earth means dirt and no one would name an organization Dirt." Ren said to himself.

"What?" Pyrrha asked.

Ren waved a hand. "I think Earth is a planet, maybe their planet of origin. Or a country or culture. Because he said Earth Colony and Earth language."

**Church: "Tucker there's thousands of languages spoken on Earth."**

Ren nodded, "Definitely a planet then. Thousands of languages? There are a few different ones in remote pockets but 1000? Earth must be huge."

"Or maybe there's no Grimm, and more people could spread throughout the world." Blake suggested.

"Blake! I thought you didn't believe in the different universe theory!" Weiss yelled.

"I don't but whoever made the show made Earth a planet. I'm speaking in context of the show." Blake explained.

Weiss visibly softened, "oh"

**Tucker: "Hyeah, but only one that kicks ass. And that's the one we're teaching. English 101, remedial kick-ass."**

**Church: "Alright, there is no way this is gonna work."**

**Tucker: "Yeah it is, we got visual aids and everything."**

**The screen cut to show Caboose and the Alien in the background with a sign reading.**

" **English 101 Kick Ass"**

" **1\. Tucker (Tuk-r)"**

" **2\. Money (Mon-ē)"**

" **3\. Give Tucker Money"**

"Already trying to abuse another race." Blake complained.

**Church: "Where the hell'd you get those?"**

**Tucker: "We made 'em. Turns out Caboose's gun didn't have any bullets- it was loaded with crayons. I just need to cut one of these things, you have a pocket knife?"**

"Church must be happy, you can't be killed with Crayons." Yang laughed.

"I'm sure Caboose would have found some way to do it." Pyrrha commented.

"You believe in him that much?" Weiss asked laughing.

Pyrrha sighed and smiled, "I like Caboose but he is still...you know."

Everyone nodded and laughed.

**Church: "Hey if you need to cut something, why don't you just use that big sword o' yours?"**

"Exactly." Jaune said.

**Tucker: "Oh right. Duh."**

**Tucker draws the sword, though not with one of Caboose's crayons. Get it?**

**Alien: "Whargh? (sees Tucker holding the sword) RHURRRRRRRGH!"**

**The Alien jumps Tucker and starts to beat the everliving shit out of him.**

"Woah!" Yang yelled.

"Woah ho ho!" Blake yelled laughing.

"He is maaaaad!" Nora yelled in a sing song voice.

Weiss laughed, "That's what Tucker deserves for being such a pig."

Everyone laughed.

"Ren why do you think he's so angry?" Jaune asked.

Ren looked up "Well, remember Gary's prophecy? The Alien was supposed to be the great destroyer-"

"He was kickass! He destroyed the robot army like it was nothing." Yang commented.

"Exactly, except he didn't get the sword. Tucker did." Ren finished.

Jaune nodded, "That makes sense."

**Tucker: "Ahh, what the fuck!?"**

**Church: "Whoa! Mahan, Tucker, that thing either really hates that sword, or really hates you."**

"Wow Church is a lot of help." Yang laughed.

"Church and Tucker are so much like Qrow and Dad." Ruby commented smiling.

Yang and Ruby laughed.

**Tucker: "Aaaaaaaah, get this fucking thing off me!"**

Everyone was in a fit of laughter.

**Church: "Heh wait a second Tucker, this might be a good chance for us to evaluate how these things fight."**

**Tucker: "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow..."**

**Church: "Now hold still. For science."**

Yang was laughing the hardest out of everyone except maybe Jaune.

"Ow it hurts to laugh this hard!" Yang said.

Jaune laughed, "I know agh!"

**Tucker: "Not the face, not the face!"**

**Cut to Blue Base back in the Gulch, to the sound of the radio tuning in to something**

**Simmons: "Sarge, can you hear me, Sarge, come in. Sarge, Sarge do you read me, this is Simmons, come in."**

**Donut: "Hello, Red Army HQ. We don't stop until every blue is dead."**

**Simmons: "Donut, let me talk to Sarge."**

**Donut: "For help in English, press or say 1."**

**Simmons: "One."**

**Donut: "Para Español, marque número dos."**

"Español?" Ren mumbled, "He's speaking spanish. Para means for and Numero dos means number two." Ren explained.

"You're doing pretty good with deciphering the language." Pyrrha complimented.

"Thank you...Maybe Español is the word for Spanish in...Spanish? That's strange." Ren mumbled.

"That doesn't make sense?" Nora said confused.

**Simmons: "One. Wuuunnnnah. Wu- God dammit. (presses one on the keypad)"**

**Donut: "For unconfirmed Dutch-Irish, press one too, as in also."**

**Simmons: "Donut!"**

**Donut: "Oh, hey Simmons, what's up?"**

"Donut must be the Red Army's secretary." Weiss commented.

"Even with a job as simple as that they can't do it right." Blake laughed.

Weiss sighed, "I was almost a secretary, before I wanted to be a huntress, it's like dealing with the worst and most self centered people alive."

**Simmons: "Donut, put Sarge on."**

**Donut: "Oooh, yeah, Sarge is reeeally busy. Things have really picked up since you left, uhh..."**

**Sarge: "Donut, I'm not here."**

**Donut: "Leh, luh, let me see, do you mind if I put you on hold?"**

**Sarge: "Just take a message."**

**Simmons: "Donut stop screening my calls!"**

**Donut: "Sorry Simmons, Sarge isn't available at the moment. I'll tell you what I can ask him to call you back but, it's really better if you have an appointment."**

**Simmons: "Oh for the love of God I can** _ **hear**_ **him, Donut. Would you just tell him that I've captured the Blue Base and- ...** _ **and taken possession of their tank."**_

**Sheila aims her massive cannon at Simmons.**

"That tank is still so cool!" Ruby screeched.

"I know!" Nora yelled.

Yang laughed, "I still think the Warthog is better."

**Donut: "Right right, Simmons..."**

**Sarge: "Tell him you've got call waiting."**

**Donut: "Blue-"**

**Sarge: "No no-"**

**Donut: "Base-"**

**Sarge: "You're going through a tunnel!"**

**Donut: "Taaaaaaaaaaank. Tank."**

**Simmons: "Are you really writing this down?"**

**Donut: "Look I have to go, we have a conference call with Grif in five minutes. He's pitching ideas for how to use your rations. Gotta run! If anything comes up, we'll call** _**you** _ **. And Simmons?"**

"He's just going to ask for all of them." Weiss said.

"Don't rations taste bad?" Ruby asked.

Weiss nodded, "mostly, but it depends on what you get."

**Simmons: "What..."**

**Donut: "This job is the best! I can't believe you quit! (turns off the radio)"**

**Simmons: "... ... ... That's it, I'm gonna kill 'em all. Hey Sheila, lock and load! We got somewhere to go!"**

"...well Simmons finally snapped." Blake commented.

"That's not going to be good." Ruby commented.

Jaune laughed, "yeah, Angry person plus Tank is not a winning combo."

**Cut back to the Blues' building, with the Alien still beating Tucker in the back of the head on the ground**

**Tucker: "Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow."**

"He's not even trying to fight back." Pyrrha commented.

Yang shrugged, "he's building up pain tolerance."

**The screen cuts to Tex and Andy**

**Tex: "Alright bomb, we need to talk."**

**Andy: "Heh** _ **hehhh**_ **heh heh heh, talk about what, Butch? Workin' on cars, and pickin' up chicks?"**

Pyrrha groaned. "I once got called a butch, a fan got angry with me after I rejected him."

Yang looked at Pyrrha confused. "You don't look like a butch."

Pyrrha smiled and flexed her muscles. "This is why."

Nora gasped. "Oooohhh Pyrrha! Your muscles are bigger than mine and Yangs!"

"Your muscle look _angry!"_ Yang complimented.

Pyrrha blushed under all the attention while Ruby sighed when she flexed.

Jaune looked at Ruby and laughed. "Ruby...you can lift your Scythe like it's nothing. You don't have anything to be self conscious about."

Ruby looked over to her scythe and smiled. "It's even heavier now since I added the modifications."

"The scope was that heavy?" Jaune asked.

Ruby's eyes brightened "No but I also improve the firing power remember? It fires so hard it leaves a trail of smoke and makes a bang similar to the snipers in the show. It's awesome!"

**Tex: "Excuse me, is that any way to talk to a lady?"**

**Andy: "A lady,** _ **who're you kiddin'?**_ **I bet you got more balls than a roman candle."**

**Tex: "Uhhh, I knew this was a bad idea."**

**Andy: "Hey Tex, why you got** _ **black**_ **armor, couldn't find any in flannel?"**

**Tex: "Listen jackass-"**

**Andy: "Flannel!"**

"I don't get it." Ruby said.

"Some guys think Butch's normally wear flannel." Yang explained. "Butch's is a word for lesbians that are usually really tough and dress like guys."

**Tex: "I put you together, I can take you apart."**

**Andy: "Hey whaddaya mean?"**

**Tex: "Bombs, come with remote detonators dumbass. And any time I want, I can just hit a button and you're just a memory. A very annoying, very in** _ **sulting**_ **memory, but none-the-less, a memory."**

"I thought he wanted to blow up." Blake commented.

"Maybe he changed his mind?" Pyrrha suggested.

**Andy: "I think you're bluffin'. ...Dyke."**

Yang and Blake laughed while Pyrrha groaned.

"Got called that too." Pyrrha complained.

**Tex: "Okay, strike two."**

**Andy: "Alright. Whaddaya want?"**

**Tex: "Well, when I built you, I used parts from an old protocol robot."**

"Hmm, maybe that's what happened to Lopez's body." Ren mumbled.

Jaune nodded, "That makes sense, also explains why he can talk."

 **Andy: "Yeah, sure, and you also used parts from some of your more** _ **personal**_ **devices."**

Yang and Blake started laughing.

"I don't get this one either." Ruby mumbled.

Yang laughed again. "He's saying she used parts from her Vibrator." Yang burst out laughing again.

Ruby groaned. "Yang please don't tell me you have one of those hiding in our room right now."

Weiss gagged, "Ugh I don't even want to think about that...gross."

Yang laughed. "No no no, and even if there was I wouldn't tell you."

Team RWBY grimaced.

 **Tex: "Whoa- okay, can you** _ **use**_ **those protocol parts and translate what this alien thing is saying?"**

**Andy: "Of course! But what's in it for me?"**

"So that's how he understood him." Ren mumbled while Jaune nodded.

 **Tex: "Let's put it this way.** _ **You**_ **don't push my buttons, and I, don't push yours."**

**Andy: "Alright, fine. But I'm not translating any of that touchy-feely crap!"**

**Tex: "Deal. Come on. (starts walking, then turns around) Well are you coming?"**

"He can't move." Weiss pointed out.

"Maybe he can move like Lopez can." Pyrrha suggested.

Jaune nodded. "That makes sense."

**Andy: "What'm I gonna do, roll there? Pick me up ya dumb bitch!"**

"Guess he can't." Jaune said laughing.

 **Tex: "Great, I can tell** _ **this**_ **is starting off well."**

 **Andy: "Hey, Tex. I bet you haven't had your hands on a ball** _ **this**_ **big since your morning scratch! Ahahahahaheh, ahehahe-"**

**Tex drops Andy with a resounding thud**

"Andy just doesn't know when to stop." Blake commented.

"Like Cardin." Ruby mumbled.

"Actually Cardin has gotten better, he's stopped bullying all together." Jaune explained.

Pyrrha smiled "That's great."

**Andy: "Heyy, aw come on, Tex, baby, where ya goin', it's just a joke between the two of us** _**guys** _ **, come on! Laugh it off big guy, laugh it off! Haha, hey Tex, when you walk away I can see where ya tucked it! Haha"**

**The screen faded to black.**

Weiss sighed at Andy.

"Next one? Let's go! I want to hurry up and start the competition!" Ruby yelled happily.

* * *

**My pm's/Reviews are open to**

**-Suggestions for this FanFiction**

**-Requests for any new FanFictions**

**-Advice on writing**

**-Reviews**

**-Pointing out any and all mistakes**

**-Questions, any and all**

**-the worst thing(s) about this story**

**-the best thing(s) about this story**

**-how I can fix the worst things**

**-how I can improve the best things**

**-any and all nit picks/small things that you don't like**

**-Thanks!**


	64. S4E64 Previous Commitments

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 64- Previous Commitments**

" **Previous Commitments" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight hummed the theme.

**Fade in to the Blues.**

**Church: "You have** _ **got**_ **to be kidding me. There is** _ **no way**_ **I'm gonna let this happen."**

**Tex: "I told you, he can do it."**

**Andy: "Yeah, I'm qualified."**

"This is not going to work." Weiss commented with a sigh.

 **Church: "Listen I don't doubt, that he can do it. I doubt that I** _ **want**_ **him to do it."**

"What?" Ruby said.

"That doesn't make sense?" Nora said equally confused.

**Andy: "Why?"**

**Church: "Well you know what Andy? You're not exactly the most diplomatic of individuals."**

"Understatement of the century." Blake commented.

**Andy: "That's bullshit! You're only saying that 'cause you're a racist."**

"What a hypocrite." Weiss commented.

Pyrrha nodded. "He is clearly the racist of the group."

"Don't forget Gary." Blake added.

**Church: "Racist- bombs are not a race!"**

"I would say Add Church but...bombs aren't a race." Blake commented.

Yang fake gasped. "Blake's Racist!"

**Andy: "Eh, shut up ya dirty Shisno."**

Pyrrha, Weiss, and Blake groaned.

**Church: "We finally make contact with an alien being, and our first attempt at communication is gonna be through a** _**bomb** _ **! Am I the only person who has a problem with this?"**

Everyone started laughing.

"I didn't even think about it like that!" Jaune said laughing.

**Andy: "Well unless you've got your English to Blarg-blarg dictionary, I don't think you got a choice, now do ya."**

Jaune, Ruby, and Nora started laughing.

"Blarg Blarg dictionary." Nora repeated while laughing.

**Caboose: "I had one of those, but I threw it out. It didn't have many pictures."**

**Tex: "I'm sure this'll be fine."**

**Church: "You know I feel that I'm gonna regret this, but I feel even more that I just don't care, and that watching this whole thing unravel might be kinda interesting. Go for it."**

"I feel the same way." Blake commented.

Pyrrha, Ren, and Jaune nodded.

**Tex: "Alright, where's the alien?"**

**Church: "Oh shit, I forgot."**

**Cut to the alien still beating the shit out of the back of Tucker's head**

Everyone started laughing especially Nora.

**Tucker: "(with each strike, as if bored) Ow, ow, ow..."**

**Cut to Donut riding around in the ghost which is either the thing built by Lopez and Sheila unless that was just part of Gamma's simulations that he ran Church through or it's just an alien vehicle that was left in the caves from long ago.**

**Donut: "Grif. Oh Griiiiiiiif... ...Grif!"**

"Ruby if you can make mu bike look and hover like that I will love you forever." Yang said staring at the screen.

"If I can get Jaune's sister and Pyrrha's friend in Argus to tell me how the hover stuff works I can." Ruby said with a smile.

**Grif: "Huh, great."**

**Donut: "There you are, where've you been?"**

**Grif: "Right here."**

**Donut: "I've been lookin' all over for you. I looked** _ **in**_ **the base, I looked** _ **around**_ **the base, I looked on** _ **top**_ **of the base, I looked** _ **in**_ **the base again-"**

"That's not everywhere." Blake commented.

**Grif: "I think you need to learn what "all over" means."**

**Donut: "Anyway, Sarge wants you to come back to the base, and-"**

**Grif: "No, I'm not going to do it."**

Weiss chuckled, "he can't handle all the work Simmons normally does."

**Donut: "No? But I didn't tell you what he wants."**

**Grif: "Donut it's Sarge. I know he doesn't want me to come in to the base to help him eat ice cream, he wants me to do stuff.** _ **Work**_ **stuff."**

"I want ice cream." Nora commented.

"Me too." Ruby added.

"Me three." Yang said raising a hand.

"There's some in the fridge." Jaune said gesturing to the mini fridge.

All three happily got up and got there share of ice cream. Meaning all of it.

**Donut: "But-"**

**Grif: "Listen Donut, I know you're ridin' high on your new promotion right now, but don't think you can order me around. Me and Simmons we had a system. He didn't try to tell me what to do, and I didn't ignore him."**

"...yeah he did." Weiss pointed out.

**Donut: "Wait you ignored him all the time."**

**Grif: "I'm sorry, wha I wasn't listening to you. See, the system works. Learn the system Donut."**

"He misses Simmons." Pyrrha commented with a voice as if she was talking to a cute dog.

**Cut to Simmons painted blue except for some maroon parts on top of the cliff, spying on Grif and Donut through the sniper rifle**

"...Yeah he snapped hard." Yang said laughing.

"What? Simmons is now on blue team?...ok guess I'm switching over to blue team too." Weiss said.

"Traitor!" Nora yelled.

"Yeah! See how it feels!" Ruby yelled triumphantly.

"I'm switching too." Blake said.

"Yeah! More for blue team!" Yang yelled.

"Only for as long Simmons stays on blue team." Weiss explained.

"Well!...now we are team RN for Ren!" Nora yelled.

"And we are team...no idea. I can't make up a name out of all those letters." Ruby complained.

"I don't know how Ozpin does it." Jaune commented.

**Simmons: "Look at those jerks. They don't know how good they have it. Alright Sheila, remember the plan. We don't wanna hurt them, I just wanna make them totally jealous for kicking me out. How does my armor look, am I all blue?"**

"No, look he still had Maroon parts." Ruby pointed out.

"Blue on Maroon does not look good." Blake commented.

**Sheila: "Yes!"**

**Simmons: "Okay, let's start Operation Blue with Envy. You know 'cause normally it's green, but I'm gon- I'm blue, but it doesn't make any sense to say y- you know. Attack! (loudly so Grif can hear) Hey Sheila, you know what's great? Being on** _ **Blue**_ **team, it's so awesome. Way more awesome than being on that ol'** _ **Red**_ **team. Anyone can be on Red team where you have to share a base, on Blue team, I get my** _ **own**_ **base."**

"This is pathetic." Weiss commented.

Pyrrha sighed, "I feel bad for Simmons."

**Grif: "Is that Simmons? Hey Simmons, why are you painted blue!? Have you finally lost it!?"**

"Yup!" Nora said popping the p.

**Simmons: "This isn't working, they don't care. Sheila just shoot at them."**

**Sheila: "Firing main cannon. (fires)"**

Ruby and Jaune started laughing.

**Cut to Donut and Sarge**

**Donut: "I did my best Sarge, but Grif said he wouldn't come help."**

**Sarge: "Son of a Ben 'n' Jerry, who's gonna help me eat all this ice cream we found?"**

Nora laughed and ate a big spoonful of ice cream.

**Sheila's first shot hits the side of Red Base**

**Donut: "Aaaahh, we're under attack!"**

**Sheila: "Target locked."**

**Sarge: "Donut, you formulate a retaliation strategy. I'll secure the rum raisin."**

"That is a priority." Nora nodded eating another spoonful of you guessed it, rum raisin.

**Cut back to the Blues... except for Simmons**

**Tucker: "Oh-hohohoh, man. I'm gonna die."**

"Yeah with a beating like that I'm surprised he's not dead." Blake commented.

"Maybe they do have Aura." Pyrrha commented.

"I doubt it." Ren commented.

**Alien: "Blargh arg-honk, largh, lwargh."**

**Caboose: "What's he saying now Andy?"**

**Andy: "Look guy, if you want me to translate for ya, you can't keep asking me every four seconds,** _ **what's he sayin' now Andy, what's he sayin' now?**_ **I'm gonna tell you what he's sayin', that's my freakin' job!"**

**Caboose: "That's what he said? That's a weird thing to say. Uh, tell him I said okay, I will not ask any, more of uh... that and also, no."**

Everyone stared at the screen in confusion.

**Church: "I think I need a translator just for Caboose."**

Everyone chuckled.

"Yeah I was so confused." Ruby commented.

**Alien: "Wuarrrrgh!"**

**Andy: "Okay basically he's uh, he says he's pissed off."**

**Church: "Oh rea- yea- no kidding. Tex, are we paying for this service?"**

**Tex: "Just give him a chance."**

**Alien: "Blargh, largh, wahublargh."**

**Andy: "He says he came to claim some type of thing, and that the teal one took the thing.."**

"The sword." Ren mumbled.

**Alien: "Blarg blaargh."**

**Andy: "And that now the thing is gone."**

**Tucker: "Who's the teal one?"**

"I thought he was aqua?" Ruby said confused.

Yang furrowed her eyebrows. "Noo, he's definitely Teal."

"You're both right." Ren said. "He was Aqua last game, Ring 2 but in this one he is teal, Ring 3."

"Ring? Sorry what was that again?" Weiss asked confused.

"It's the name we gave to the games the show is set in." Ren explained. "Ring 1 was Church in the past, Ring 2 was seasons 1 to part of 3 and Ring 3 is now."

**Tex: "You are, idiot."**

**Tucker: "No way, I'm aqua. Teal's out."**

**Church: "That thing that he's talkin' about must be that sword, and it's not broken it's right there."**

"Not broken? When did the Alien say it was broken?" Blake asked.

"Hmmm, he didn't mention it." Ren said.

"Maybe it's a mistake." Weiss shrugged. "This is the first mistake in sixty four episodes."

**Screen cuts to show the sword.**

**Alien: "Argh blargh!"**

**Andy: "He says it only works with the hero who passes the trial of the windmill, and retrieves it from his resting place. For everyone else, it might as well be broken."**

"Hmm that explains why Tex couldn't use it." Ren mumbled.

"And the trial...maybe the windmill used to go faster." Jaune suggested.

"That makes sense." Ren mumbled.

**Tex: "Uh oh."**

**Tucker: "** _ **Trial?**_ **Please, I fell in a hole, that's not a trial. I'm startin' to like this culture though, any dude who trips is a hero. I'm pretty sure that makes Caboose God."**

Pyrrha and Yang started laughing.

**Church: "This all sounds like bullshit to me."**

**Tex: "No he's right. It didn't work for me, remember?"**

**Church: "Of course it didn't work for you, you're a** _**girl** _ **. Mean you can't even work the entertainment center back at the base. Doesn't mean the remote control is mythically attached to us."**

"Ugh." Weiss sighed.

" _Sexist_ " Nora said in a sing song voice.

 **Tex: "Alright then you little smartass,** _ **you**_ **pick it up and try it."**

**Church looks at the sword, then at the alien's big teeth**

**Alien: "Hur hur hur hur."**

"I'm starting to like the Alien." Yang said laughing.

**Church: "Nah, I'll take his word for it."**

**Alien: "Blargh blurg blabu blarg."**

**Andy: "And now you gotta go with** _**him** _ **, to fulfill the prophecy."**

"Hmm the Prophecy Gary talked about." Ren theorized.

Weiss and Blake groaned.

**Tucker: "Fuck you."**

**Alien: "Blar blarg blargh,** _**hnnk hnnk** _ **."**

**Andy: "Heh heh heh, good one. Uh oh yeah, he... he's not too thrilled about it either."**

**Tucker: "See I** _ **knew**_ **this was a bad idea. Sorry to fuck up your quest, dude, but I'm not goin'."**

**Andy: "Aaand if you don't go, he'll destroy the base, and kill everybody here."**

"...the great destroyer." Ren mumbled.

**Church: "...Alright well have fun guys."**

**Tex: "Hey a quest sounds fun, come on Tucker!"**

**Andy: "Aheh, I think he should stay here, 'cause, I like that killin' everybody option."**

**The screen faded to black.**

"Next one." Yang yawned.

* * *

**My pm's/Reviews are open to**

**-Suggestions for this FanFiction**

**-Requests for any new FanFictions**

**-Advice on writing**

**-Reviews**

**-Pointing out any and all mistakes**

**-Questions, any and all**

**-the worst thing(s) about this story**

**-the best thing(s) about this story**

**-how I can fix the worst things**

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**-any and all nit picks/small things that you don't like**

**-Thanks!**


	65. S4E65 Looking For Group

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 65- Looking For Group**

" **Looking For Group" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight hummed the theme again.

**Fade in to the Blues and the Alien Carrying Andy.**

**Alien: "Blargh blargh blargh, blargh."**

**Andy: "Then after we cross the Burning Plains of Honka Hill, we're gonna reach the** _ **Freezing**_ **Plains of Blarganthia."**

"These all sound made up." Ruby commented.

Ren chuckled. "These all sound like the lands you made up when we were younger." Ren said looking at Nora who smiled.

**Caboose: "The Burning Plains are next to the Freezing Plains? I bet there's some pretty wet plains in between."**

"Sometimes Caboose is so dumb but other times he's right about stuff...it's weird." Yang commented.

Pyrrha smiled. "He's not as dumb as you think."

**Tucker: "This is so dumb, I'm not doing this."**

**Church: "Hey, news flash, you don't have a choice. You're the one that picked up the sword and locked it to yourself"**

"Weiss? Is Atlas doing something like that?" Jaune asked.

"What? Oh no, no they aren't they don't know about that. All we sent them was the picture remember? We don't know how it works." Weiss answered.

"Ruby? Do you think you can make something like that? When I get the prototype." Jaune asked.

"If." Weiss corrected.

"If I get it?" Jaune asked again.

"Yeah, it should be easy." Ruby answered. "Since I'm going to be the one doing it can I allow the sword to activate for me?"

Jaune smiled. "Of course Ruby."

"And me!" Nora asked hopefully.

Jaune laughed, "I'll let everyone in this room use it."

 **Tucker: "I know! And I'm so used to picking up things, and not** _ **letting**_ **them get attached. ...I'm talkin' about women."**

All women in the room groaned, and also Jaune.

"I bet he's a virgin." Yang commented.

"Is that a bad thing?" Weiss asked crossing her arms.

"No, but he acts like he picks up women and...you know he's lying." Yang said.

Jaune sighed, "False confidence and lies to make up for feelings of inadequacy."

"...that's very perceptive." Blake complimented.

"Thanks, years of experience." Jaune shrugged.

Pyrrha patted Jaune's shoulder, she and everyone else in the room knew the years of experience was Jaune's feelings of inadequacy.

**Church: "I know, yes, I got it."**

**Tex: "Don't worry Tucker, we're not gonna send you alone."**

**Tucker: "You're coming with me Tex?"**

**Tex: "Me? Hell no! This is the first thing you wimps have done that actually sounds dangerous."**

Yang sighed, "I thought she was a badass."

"She's still stronger than all the others." Weiss pointed out.

"Except the Alien." Yang said.

**Tucker: "Well I'm not goin' with Church, that guy's a worse fighter than I am."**

"Worst shot." Ruby commented.

**Church: "Well you're in luck then, because I'm not goin' either."**

**Tucker: "What? Then who?"**

**Caboose and Tucker looked at each other.**

**Caboose: "..."**

Yang, Blake, Ruby, and Jaune started snickering.

**Tucker: "** _**No fuckin' way** _ **. I'm not goin' with** _**him** _ **."**

**Caboose: "Oh, oh, oh, I hope we meet a Cleric along the way. None of us knows how to heal."**

Jaune, Ruby, and Yang started laughing.

"I don't get it." Pyrrha said confused.

"It's a reference to some RPG games, or MMORPG's." Jaune explained.

"The games have different classes and stuff." Ruby continued.

**Alien: "Blarhun?"**

**Andy: "He says he's a healer."**

**Caboose: "Oh good."**

**Andy: "Heh heh, not really, they** _ **eat**_ **their wounded. Heh heh heh."**

"Savages." Weiss commented while the others laughed.

"I love this Alien!" Yang said laughing.

"I love this show!" Jaune commented.

Blake laughed, "I know it's so unique, I can't imagine any other show having situations like this."

"And now they're on a heroic quest." Ruby said sarcastically. "Just like the stories you use to read me Yang."

Yang couldn't control her laughter, "It's going to go so wrong."

**Caboose: "Just like chiropractors."**

"I miss going to chiropractors, one of the few things I liked about being a famous fighter." Pyrrha commented.

"I liked them too." Weiss added.

"Lucky Rich people." Yang sighed.

"I will gladly pay for everyone to have a visit." Weiss snapped.

Ren smiled, "I've always wanted to go to one, it must be very relaxing."

"Having strangers massage my back, eaugh, no." Ruby snorted.

"I never went to those Chiropractors, I went to the ones who popped every bone in your body." Pyrrha explained.

Yang and Nora gasped.

"Take me Take me Take me Take me!" Nora yelled at Pyrrha.

"Weiss please! I will do anything!" Yang begged.

"Will you forfeit the competition?" Weiss asked smugly.

"Anything but that." Yang corrected herself.

"...maybe." Weiss said directing her attention back to the screen.

**Tucker: "This is a joke, right, you're sending Caboose? What's wrong with you?"**

**Church: "What's wrong with** _ **me?**_ **I saw a chance to get rid of Caboose and I took it. There's nothin' wrong with me."**

"Yeah there is." Pyrrha sighed.

**Caboose: "Okay, so, um, Tucker is a fighter, uh, Crunchbite is the healer, and I am the powerful... and intelligent, wizard. Morphumax."**

"What about the herder?" Jaune asked.

"Or the tank." Yang added.

"Or ranged attacker." Ruby added. "Unless that's the Wizard."

"Herder?" Pyrrha asked confused.

"For grouping enemies." Jaune answered.

"And the Tank is for drawing all the enemies attacks." Yang said with a smile.

"You sound like a Tank." Blake commented.

"Aww thanks." Yang said smiling.

"I can be the tank of our team!" Nora said. "I can take all hits!"

**Andy: "What the hell does that make me?"**

**Caboose: "You're the good looking and stealthy archer."**

"Well there's Range." Ruby commented.

**Andy: "A bow and arrow- I don't have any arms, you freakin' moron!"**

"If Lopez can build robots with just a head I'm sure a bomb and use a bow." Blake said.

**Caboose: "That is what makes you so stealthy. This is going to be the best party ever."**

**Tucker: "I'm gonna fuckin' die."**

Yang laughed.

**Church: "Hyeah I guess this is it Tuckeher. Nice knowin' ya."**

**Tucker: "Hoh, you better hope that I** _ **don't**_ **die, 'cause if I do, you're the one taking care of my kids."**

"He's not a virgin?" Yang said surprised.

**Church: "You have kids?"**

**Tucker: "Heheh probably."**

"More false confidence." Jaune pointed out.

**Cut to Simmons and Sheila attacking Red base.**

**Sheila: "Firing main cannon (fires)"**

**Simmons: "Yeahah, take that. Suck it Blue- I mean Red! Suck it Blue-uh damn! Red! God, this is harder than I thought."**

**Grif: "Hey Simmons, what the hell are you doing?"**

**Simmons: "What does it look like I'm doing, I'm attacking the Blue base. I mean the Red base, fuck!"**

**Donut: "Defense is established Sarge!"**

**A tank shell strikes Red Base**

**Donut: "Cancel that Sarge, defenses are destroyed."**

Jaune started laughing at the joke.

"What defenses?" Weiss asked. "They never had any."

**Grif: "Killing our own team huh, that's cool. Hey listen, how long do you expect this whole crazy thing to last?"**

**Simmons: "I'm not crazy Grif, you just wouldn't listen to me when I said there was a tank."**

**Grif: "I listened to you."**

**Simmons: "You told Sarge that there** _ **wasn't a tank.**_ **There it is, it's a tank!"**

"The voice acting has gotten so much better." Blake commented.

 **Grif: "Oh, you said** _ **listen**_ **to you, not agree with you. Yeah, I thought that joke was pretty funny, but now Donut's my manager and, everything kinda sucks now."**

"Oh yeah I forgot Donut got promoted." Ruby commented.

"I want to finish watching this season so that I can go ahead and win." Yang said confidently.

Weiss groaned.

**Simmons: "Well too bad, 'cause this is what you get now you dumb blue bitch. Red bitch, fuck, you know what I mean!"**

**Sheila: "Firing main cannon (fires)"**

**Sarge: "Great sodium chloride, there goes my chemistry set."**

Ren laughed at that. "The jokes have gotten a lot cleverer."

**Grif: "I don't think killing Sarge is much of a punishment for me. Just come back to the base man. I'll let you boss me around again."**

**Simmons: "I don't know, I think you're just telling me what I wanna hear."**

**Grif: "I am, see, it's just like old times! Come on buddy."**

"Awww they really are good friends." Pyrrha commented.

"He's going to bring Simmons back from his mental breakdown." Blake pointed out.

**Simmons: "Will you help me clean my armor?"**

**Grif: "How 'bout I** _ **promise**_ **to help you clean it, but then just convince Donut to do it later?"**

"Doesn't take a lot of convincing to get Donut to touch a man." Yang joked.

Ruby pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed.

**Simmons: "Hah, good ol' Grif."**

**Cut to Sarge**

**Sarge: "Simmons, is that you?"**

**Simmons: "Yeah Sarge, but don't worry. We got-"**

**Sarge: "Simmons, I can understand your going crazy and seein' imaginary tanks!"**

"Is he really that stubborn?" Blake asked frowning.

**Simmons: "The tank is right** _**there!** _ **for the love of God."**

**Sarge: "And I can obviously understand why you'd wanna attack your own base."**

Pyrrha's eyes widened "I didn't think he would be so understanding."

**Simmons: "You can?"**

**Sarge: "But painting yourself blue? Dear God man, doncha have any shame at all?"**

Pyrrha sighed, "never mind."

 **Grif: "Hey Sarge, you should also note that he** _ **missed**_ **a coupla spots."**

**Sarge: "Grif, what in Sam Hill are you doin' out there? At least Simmons has the intelligence to formulate a mutinous plan!"**

"Well, at least no matter what Simmons does he will forgive him." Pyrrha said.

"But no matter what Grif does he will hate him." Blake added.

**Simmons: "Thank you Sir. I mean suck it Blue! God dammit, I mean Red."**

**Sarge: "But you're a slothful idiot! Treason takes effort. I never expected this from you."**

**Grif: "Aoh up yours."**

**Sarge: "What was that?"**

**Grif: "Up yours** _**Sir** _ **."**

"You have to respect authority." Yang laughed.

Weiss was busy laughing too, "I'm imagining Winter saying the same thing to General Ironwood."

The others laughed at that thought as well.

**Sarge: "That's better"**

**The screen faded to black.**

* * *

**My pm's/Reviews are open to**

**-Suggestions for this FanFiction**

**-Requests for any new FanFictions**

**-Advice on writing**

**-Reviews**

**-Pointing out any and all mistakes**

**-Questions, any and all**

**-the worst thing(s) about this story**

**-the best thing(s) about this story**

**-how I can fix the worst things**

**-how I can improve the best things**

**-any and all nit picks/small things that you don't like**

**-Thanks!**


	66. S4E66 Exploring Our Differences

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 66- Exploring Our Differences**

" **Exploring Our Differences" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight hummed the theme.

"I wish the Humans and the Faunus could explore their differences." Blake commented.

All the others nodded.

**Fade in to a distant shot of the Blues, yet their voices are just as loud as they normally are**

**Church: "Well, good luck guys. Don't forget to change your underwear at least once a day. Tucker, that goes double for you."**

"He sounds like a parent." Nora laughed.

Ruby and Yang laughed harder.

"Yeah he does." Yang agreed.

**Tucker: "What? I'm the cleanest guy here."**

"I doubt that." Weiss commented remembering Tucker's rock.

**Church: "No, it goes double for you because now you're in charge of changing Caboose as well."**

"Ugh he needs to be changed!" Nora shouted disgusted.

"I think it was just a joke." Pyrrha said hopefully.

**Tucker: "I hate you."**

**Alien: "Blorgh!"**

**Andy: "He doesn't wear any pants."**

"Gross." Ruby cringed.

**Tucker: "Yeah, we noticed. If we meet anybody on this adventure, that might have to change."**

Yang started laughing.

**Andy: "Why, we're used to being naked. Free-ballin', come on!** _**Commando** _ **."**

"I don't know about naked but I don't understand why girls can't go shirtless." Yang commented off topic.

"Because it's indecent exposure!" Weiss yelled.

"No no no, But guys can go shirtless." Yang argued.

"That's because they're guys." Weiss argued back.

"I don't like the idea of you walking around topless." Ruby blushed.

"No, I wouldn't because I don't want to, I'm saying others should be able too." Yang explained.

"I'm still so happy we're learning you have standards." Blake commented.

"I also believe others should be able to do what they want but...it is indecent and what about the guys that are going to see?" Pyrrha asked.

"And what about the lesbians? Who cares." Yang argued.

"...That is a strangely good argument." Jaune said.

"Thanks!" Yang said happily.

"Why is it that almost every episode we- no _you!"_ Weiss said pointing at Yang. "End up talking about something sexual."

"...girls being allowed to go shirtless isn't sexual?" Yang pointed out.

Weiss growled and hit her head against her seat.

**Tucker: "Let me just put it this way; I felt less threatened when Tex was staring at just the sword."**

Yang and Blake started laughing.

**Tex: "Huh what- oh, fyeuh uhm, yeah, uh- I was just admiring his, his Alien, muscle structure."**

Yang couldn't breath.

**Tucker: "Yeah one particular part of his muscle structure."**

"Agh my stomach hurts from laughing." Yang said holding her stomach.

**Tex: "Well that's just a matter of penis- I mean uh, opinion, opinion, that's, that's it."**

"It must be pretty big." Yang commented.

Weiss and Ruby groaned.

"Yang it's an ALIEN!" Ruby yelled.

"I thought you had standards!" Weiss yelled.

Yang blushed, "Guys it was a joke! Gross!"

**Church: "Smooth."**

**Caboose: "You told me it was another arm."**

Weiss and Ruby groaned again.

**Alien: "Bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh!"**

**Andy: "Hey Caboose- high five!"**

**Caboose: "I don't want to do that any more."**

"That's just cruel." Pyrrha commented shaking her head.

Yang and Blake were trying to catch their breath from laughing.

**Church: "Tucker come here, I want to talk to you for a second. Listen, just drop off this weapon, and get back to Blue Base as fast as you can."**

**Tucker: "What if I have to kill stuff dude? I'm a lover, not a fighter."**

"It's great that he doesn't want to kill." Ruby commented.

**Church: "Hey now Tucker I'm the same way. That's why we get along so well. We're both just a couple of lovers."**

Yang coughed and laughed. "Wasn't expecting that."

**Tucker: "...That sounded kinda gay dude."**

**Church: "Yeah it did. Uhm... I feel obligated to say something encouraging as your boss."**

**Tucker: "Our Captain** _ **died**_ **. You're just the guy** _ **pretending**_ **to be my boss."**

Weiss laughed, "That's true."

**Church: "W- you know in our given situation technically you could be seen as one of my employees."**

**Tucker: "Except that I'm not."**

Pyrrha sighed, "Church was trying to be nice for once."

**Church: "Echch, whatever! Listen, I just, as, as someone in an employee/manager relationship-"**

**Tucker: "Which doesn't exist."**

**Church: "Heuhhhhhhh..."**

**Tucker: "Why did you pull me aside again?"**

**Church: "You know I'm sure it was to say something inspiring or, something but now I, just don't care."**

"He acts so much like dad sometimes." Yang commented.

"I know it's so weird." Ruby said.

**Tucker: "I'ma go man."**

**Alien: "Huuuuur!"**

**Andy: "Hey lady! Come on, hustle up! If you gotta use the bathroom, do it now 'cause I'm not pullin' over."**

**Church: "You know I have to say I'm a little surprised that you're not goin' with them."**

**Tex: "Why? Quests are dangerous."**

Yang sighed, "I was really liking Tex for a while."

"Quests sound fun." Ruby mumbled.

"When is our next mission? I want to go on a quest!" Nora asked looking at Jaune.

"The Vytal Festival Tournament can be our next quest." Jaune said assuring her.

**Church: "Yeah but they usually have some kind of big reward at the end you know like some, big treasure chest or, an entire room filled with gold and art. It's not really like you to pass up on something like that Tex. ...Tex? ...You're gone, aren't you. ...Huhhh, I really shoulda seen that coming."**

"Greedy." Ren commented.

**Cut to Sarge scoping Simmons walking Grif to Blue Base through the sniper rifle's scope**

**Sarge: "Well, this is a tough one. Simmons appears to have captured Grif. Which means we're down a man. And now that man has taken** _ **Grif**_ **prisoner. So does that make us even? What's one plus a turd? Dammit only Grif can screw up math!"**

"Why would he capture Grif?" Weiss asked.

"I know, Sarge doesn't care about Grif, he should have just captured Donut." Blake said.

**Cut to Simmons walking Grif down the ramp in to Blue Base**

**Simmons: "Hurry up Grif."**

**Grif: "You know Simmons, you don't make a very good hostage taker. My** _ **last**_ **prisoner experience was much cooler."**

**Simmons: "What?"**

**Grif: "You haven't even yelled at me** _**one time** _ **."**

"Is that a problem?" Blake asked.

**Simmons: "You're doing everything right. I think yelling should be reserved for only the most critical of situations. Like when someone drinks milk out of the carton!"**

"Nora, you should listen to that." Jaune said gesturing to the screen.

"Ruby too." Weiss said looking at Ruby.

"I'm a growing girl I need milk!" Ruby argued.

"Milk tastes good!" Nora argued.

"Then pour it in a cup first!" Jaune and Weiss yelled at their respective team members.

**Grif: "Come on Simmons I'm a prisoner. You should be jabbing me in the back with your gun and saying get moving scum!"**

**Simmons: "(jabs him in the back with his gun) Get going!"**

**Grif: "** _**Louder!"** _

Yang started laughing at her own joke that she thought of.

Ruby groaned knowing Yang. "Yang just...I can probably guess what you're going to say.

Yang laughed, "what is it Ruby?"

"Something about ropes and handcuffs?" Ruby guessed.

Yang nodded and laughed.

Blake groaned. "A BDSM joke."

"Very classy Yang." Jaune groaned.

Yang just laughed.

**Simmons: "(jabs him again) I said move!"**

**Grif: "Yeaheaheah, that's it!"**

**Simmons: "(jabs him again)** _**Move it soldier!"** _

**Grif: "Okay, seriously? That hurts."**

"Should have thought of a safe word." Yang joked.

Blake tried her best but she laughed.

Weiss looked at Blake with a mixture of shock a disappointment.

"Sorry." Blake mumbled.

**They arrive in the middle of the base**

**Grif: "Man, these guys really like blue lights. I mean, I know this is Blue Base and all but come on, you don't have to beat us over the head with it."**

**Simmons: "Get in the hole."**

**Grif: "You have a hole? Whoa, now** _ **that's**_ **cool. I take back everything I said, this is much creepier than my last time in the joint."**

"Sheila did a lot of upgrades over the years." Ren commented.

"Lopez and Sheila are magic!" Nora commented loudly. "How are they doing all that stuff without hands?"

"They're handicap-able!" Yang joked raising her right arm.

Everyone looked at her.

"...too offensive?" Yang asked.

Ruby nodded.

Yang groaned. "Qrow would have laughed."

**Simmons: "(hits him) Move!"**

**Grif: "Dude, if you keep doin' that, this is gonna get old quick."**

**Simmons: "I said in the hole! (hits him and he falls in the hole)"**

**Grif: "Ow!"**

**Simmons: "Who's the bad hostage taker now bitch!"**

**Grif: "(shooting up the grav lift behind him) Um, I think I found a design flaw in your hole."**

"What is that?" Ruby asked.

"What kind of hole is that if it just shoots you back up?" Blake asked.

"So pointless." Weiss added.

**Simmons: "What? Get back in there! (hits him)"**

**Grif: "Woohoo! Look who's back."**

**Simmons: "God this sucks."**

**Grif: "Seriously dude, you have to try the hole. It's really fun."**

"It's like a slide!" Nora pointed out.

"But it goes up...that's so cool!" Ruby yelled.

**Simmons: "Ugh, what're you doing? Get back down in there. (hits him)"**

**Grif: "Wheee! Look I came out backwards this time!"**

**Simmons: "You're supposed to s- you're the prisoner, stay down there"**

**The screen faded to black.**

* * *

**My pm's/Reviews are open to**

**-Suggestions for this FanFiction**

**-Requests for any new FanFictions**

**-Advice on writing**

**-Reviews**

**-Pointing out any and all mistakes**

**-Questions, any and all**

**-the worst thing(s) about this story**

**-the best thing(s) about this story**

**-how I can fix the worst things**

**-how I can improve the best things**

**-any and all nit picks/small things that you don't like**

**-Thanks!**


	67. S4E67 Setting a High Bar

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 67- Setting a High Bar**

" **Setting a High Bar" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight hummed the theme.

**Fade in to some burnt looking plains**

**Andy: "Hey, he's been explaining to me everything we should encounter. The legend's pretty old, but the details are pretty clear."**

**Tucker: "Listen dude, I don't care what you say, I'm not killing any monsters."**

"I wonder if this monster will be Grimm." Pyrrha commented.

"I doubt it." Ren said.

**Andy: "Hey, don't interrupt! It's hard enough to translate without yo-"**

**Tucker: "Oh well if this little quest depends on me killing stuff, we might as well just stop here."**

**Andy: "Eh, don't be a chicken."**

**Tucker: "I'm not chicken. I'm just... okay, I'm chicken."**

**Alien: "Blarh? B-blar blarg."**

**Andy: "Blargy blarg, blarg, blarg honk."**

**Alien: "Wharg hnnk!"**

Ren sighed, "I'm going to stop trying to decipher this language."

Pyrrha, Jaune, and Nora laughed.

"Alien speak to hard for you?" Jaune asked laughing.

Ren chuckled. "Blarg's and Honks are hard to understand."

**Tucker: "What's he saying?"**

**Andy: "He wanted to know what a chicken is. I told him it's this nasty little bird that humans eat. And you also eat the white things that shoot out of its butt."**

"Well when you put it like that it's gross." Ruby said cringing.

"I like chicken." Jaune commented.

"Me too." Blake added.

**Tucker: "You know you could have cleaned that up a little bit."**

**Andy: "I did! They don't come out of its butt you know."**

"Ugh even worse." Ruby commented.

**Alien: "Hargh!"**

**Andy: "Heh yeah, they're pretty disgusting."**

**Tucker: "Chickens aren't** _ **that**_ **bad."**

 **Andy: "He was talkin' about** _ **you**_ **guys. He's not a big fan. I'm not either."**

"We noticed." Blake huffed.

**Alien: "Hrnk."**

**Andy: "Earth sucks."**

"Earth is definitely their planet." Ren mumbled to himself.

**Tucker: "Hsh, Earth does not suck, Earth rules. We invented the telephone."**

"We invented the scroll!" Nora shouted.

**Alien: "Arg l largh."**

**Andy: "He says** _ **they**_ **invented the telephone too.** _ **And**_ **they did it a thousand years before** _ **you**_ **did."**

"They should be more advanced then." Weiss commented.

Yang snorted, "they're not, or at least he isn't."

**Tucker: "Oh, well what'd they have to say on it, "blarg blarg honk honk?" Who the fuck wants to hear that?"**

Yang and Jaune started laughing while Ren chuckled.

**Alien: "Blarg honk."**

**Andy: "Okay. These are the Great Burning Plains we talked about."**

**Caboose: "They don't** _ **look**_ **burning... they look burnt. Hey, I recognize this place."**

"Oh yeah this is where they were when they went into the future." Ruby said.

"I noticed before but I thought it was just them reusing a map." Jaune added.

**Andy: "Get ready. He's gonna distract the monster, and you use your heroic powers to swoop in-"**

"Heroic powers?" Blake snickered.

**Tucker: "Heroic powers?"**

**Andy: "Yeah. You're the** _ **big hero**_ **from that prophecy, ain't cha?"**

**Tucker: "Oh right. Boy are you guys gonna be disappointed. (draws the sword)"**

**Andy: "And don't forget, go for the weak spot in the armor."**

"What? Did that happen last episode?" Nora asked confused.

"No I think it happened off screen." Ren answered.

**Tucker: "Yeah, and where was that again?"**

**Andy: "We already went over this!"**

**Tucker: "Apparently paying attention to lame biology lessons** _ **isn't**_ **one of my superpowers."**

"Professor Port's class." Yang groaned.

Ruby, Blake, Jaune, And Nora groaned too.

"Professor Port's class is important." Weiss argued.

"Yeah it is, but all he does is talk about himself!" Blake argued back.

"...you make a great point." Weiss conceded.

"If you listen you can learn where the weak spots are." Ren pointed out.

"Really?" Pyrrha asked.

"I thought you listened?" Weiss asked confused.

"I- I do but...I may lose focus." Pyrrha blushed.

"You sleep in class too!" Yang yelled happily.

"No I don't!" Pyrrha blushed. "Sorry"

"That's awesome Pyrrha!" Nora yelled.

"It's disrespectful!" Weiss yelled.

"I'm so proud of you!" Yang yelled hugging Pyrrha.

Jaune and Ruby laughed at Pyrrha's embarrassed look.

**Alien: "Blargh!"**

**Andy: "Be quiet!"**

**Alien: "Argh!"**

**Andy: "Get down!"**

**Alien: "(quietly) Warg, warg arg. Warg, larg!"**

**Andy: "He just wants a moment's peace before the plan fails and we all get killed."**

"What a great vote of confidence." Yang laughed.

**Alien: "WHRRRRRRRRRRRG!"**

**Andy: "Oh, sorry... I wasn't supposed to translate that last part. Yuh, he says, yuh don't worry,** _**every** _ **thing will be fine. ...Stick to the plan."**

"Very reassuring." Blake joked.

 **Caboose: "Okay. Are we adding "get killed" to the** _ **end**_ **of the plan?"**

Pyrrha chuckled.

**Alien: "Wlarg!"**

**Andy: "Go!"**

**Everyone jumps over the ridge...**

**cliff... whatever**

**Alien: "Wurg!"**

**Andy: "What happened?"**

**Tucker: "To what?"**

**Andy: "The big monster. It's dead, look!"**

**Check it out, the skull of a cow? One strange lookin cow skull.**

"Woah what is that?" Ruby asked.

"Looks like a goat mixed with a cow skull." Ren muttered leaning forward.

 **Tucker: "** _ **That**_ **thing? You gotta be kidding me."**

**Andy: "You guys were here already?"**

**Caboose: "Yes. Uh, before now."**

**Tucker: "That's what** _ **already**_ **means, Caboose."**

**Caboose: "Ohhh, then just yes."**

**Alien: "Whar, war."**

**Andy: "You already killed the monster?"**

"Definitely not a monster." Weiss pointed out.

**Tucker: "Dude, that's a cow skull. I kill about ten of those things every time I eat lunch."**

**Cut to Sarge spying on the** **Blues** **Simmons team**

**Donut: "How's it going Sarge?"**

**Sarge: "Well, Simmons has had Grif prisoner in there for far too long. He's probably subjecting him to** _ **all manner**_ **of unbearable torture. I figure in just a matter of hours, Grif's spirit will be as broken as his body, unable to cope with the never ending stimulation of pain and horror. ...But in answer to your question things are fine! Could be a little warmer, but I can't complain."**

Pyrrha sighed, "Just when I had hope for him again."

**Donut: "But Sarge, aren't you afraid he'll give away valuable information?"**

**Sarge: "Why would Simmons give Grif information?"**

Weiss sighed, "he means Grif."

 **Donut: "No, I mean what if Grif tells** _ **Simmons**_ **valuable information about our operations."**

**Sarge: "..."**

**Donut: "Yeah, that sounded smarter before I said it."**

"Yeah now that I think about it." Weiss mumbled.

**Sarge: "I bet."**

**Donut: "Speaking of operations though, remember how I told you I wanted to incorporate more positive reinforcement techniques in review sessions?"**

**Sarge: "Donut, for the last time, me calling you a worthless turd is not a review session!"**

**Donut: "And remember how you said any proposals had to be submitted in hand-written triplicate, with no less than one hundred pages?"**

"That is just cruel." Yang mumbled.

"100 pages..." Jaune mumbled horrified.

**Sarge: "Yes, which would take weeks. ...You're finished, aren't you."**

"Months for me." Jaune joked.

"A full year." Yang laughed.

**Donut: "Only if calligraphy's okay, and I dotted all the I's, with hearts. Heeheehee! Heeehee!"**

"Why did he make it harder on himself." Ruby mumbled.

"Aww all the I's with hearts." Nora commented making a heart with her hands.

**Sarge: "Ghuh..."**

**Donut: "Let me just give you a little teaser on some of the changes. Think "mauve"..."**

**Sarge: "Aw, Donut!"**

**Donut: "What, you don't like it? Mauve is a form of red."**

**Sarge: "Noh, it's not that. I just realized that my only way out of this situation, is to launch a rescue mission to save Grif! I've got me one of them... uh, Donut, what's a fancy word for choosin' between two things you don't wanna do?"**

"Conundrum." Blake answered.

**Donut: "Uh, conundrum? ...Dilemma. ...A threesome with cheerleaders?"**

"A threesome with cheerleaders?" Yang said before laughing.

"Two things you don't want to do." Blake sighed before laughing.

"Why wouldn't you want to do them as he said." Yang laughed. "Cheerleaders are hot."

Jaune sighed, "most cheerleaders I've met have been full of themselves and mean."

"Not to mention shallow." Blake added.

"Bullies." Ruby also added.

"Spoiled rich brats." Weiss added. "And before you say it Yang, yes I know."

"Aww I was ready to jump on that in a second." Yang said smiling.

**Sarge: "I'm gonna go with conundrum"**

**The screen faded to black.**

* * *

**My pm's/Reviews are open to**

**-Suggestions for this FanFiction**

**-Requests for any new FanFictions**

**-Advice on writing**

**-Reviews**

**-Pointing out any and all mistakes**

**-Questions, any and all**

**-the worst thing(s) about this story**

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**-any and all nit picks/small things that you don't like**

**-Thanks!**


	68. S4E68 Getting All Misty

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 68- Getting All Misty**

" **Getting All Misty" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight hummed the theme.

**Fade in to Donut and Sarge walking up to the back entrance of Blue base.**

**Donut: "If you don't like the plants idea, how do ya feel about a fountain in the armory? That place is so** _**gloomy."** _

"I thought they didn't have water." Jaune commented.

"What do you mean?" Weiss asked.

"In season two I think Grif mentioned something about running out of water and only drinking ketchup." Jaune explained.

"Good memory." Ren complimented.

**Sarge: "Come on, Donut, give it a rest already. I agreed to let you use Grif's helmet as a decorative bird bath, didn't I? Don't oversell."**

"He only agreed to that because it would annoy Grif." Blake commented.

**Donut: "Okay, but I have just one more idea. I'm gonna say two words, and then walk away. Chantilly, lace."**

"I don't get it." Ruby commented looking to Yang.

"It's a reference to something we don't know." Yang huffed.

**Sarge: "Unless you're about to start singin' a Big Bopper song, I think the best part of that idea is the walkin' away."**

"Big bopper? That sounds like a rapper name." Jaune commented.

Weiss groaned, "They always come up with the worst names."

Yang and Blake laughed.

"How many big's or lil's are there now?" Jaune asked.

"Doesn't matter none of them are good." Ruby joked.

**Donut: "Let it simmer."**

**Sarge: "Hmm, no sign of any defenses. I think we might be catching Simmons at a weak moment."**

**Donut: "Hmm, no sign of the tank either."**

**Sarge: "Dear God, the madness is spreading! It's only a matter of time before it takes me!"**

"Sarge is the mad one." Pyrrha commented.

**The sound of Grif coming up from the hole**

**Grif: "Wheeeeeeeee!"**

"I really want to try one of those." Nora commented.

 **Donut: "Did you hear that? It sounds like they're having** _ **fun**_ **in there."**

 **Sarge: "Clearly Grif has become** _ **so stupid**_ **, he's mixed up the yells for pain and happiness! Simmons must be doing** _ **absolutely diabolical**_ **things to him! Let's give him a few more hours, see if he escapes on his own."**

**Grif: "Simmons I am having a blast going in and out of your hole!"**

Yang started laughing.

Everyone in the room groaned.

**Simmons: "Grif just stay down there like you're told."**

**Donut: "Well that's my cue, let's go!"**

Yang continued to laugh.

 **Cut to Simmons inside the Base, like the good** **Blue** **Red he is**

**Simmons: "Grif, stop it I need your help."**

**Grif: "(still going in and out of the hole) Go ahead, I'm listening."**

**Simmons: "Would you stop riding that stupid grav lift?"**

"Grav lift." Ren mumbled writing in his notes.

"That's so cool." Jaune commented staring at the screen.

"Like I said it's just like a slide that goes up." Nora said pointing up.

**Grif: "I can do both at once. And why don't we have one of these things?"**

**Simmons: "The tank's been making upgrades to the base over the last few hundred years."**

**Grif: "How did it do that without any tools? ...Or arms?"**

"Good question." Weiss said crossing her arms.

**Simmons: "I don't know, a lot of what she says doesn't match up. I think she might be lying to me."**

**Grif: "You think the enemy's weapons are** _ **lying**_ **to us?** _ **What a surprise!"**_

**Simmons: "It seems like a setup, I just can't figure out how."**

**Grif: "(getting punched or something) Ow!"**

"Did anyone else hear that?" Ruby asked.

Blake raised a hand, "Yep."

**Simmons: "I don't know, if I can piece it together maybe that'll help fix things with- Sarge!?"**

**While Simmons had been talking Sarge went up the Grav lift.**

"Why did he hit Grif?" Nora asked.

"...it's Sarge." Jaune answered.

**Sarge: "Hello, Simmons."**

**Simmons: "Where's Grif?"**

**Sarge: "Well this here's a rescue operation. He's unconscious down below, being prepped for evac."**

"If anyone ever needs to be rescued we just all need to remember, Don't be a Sarge." Ruby advised.

"Great advice Ruby." Jaune laughed.

**Simmons: "If it's a rescue operation, why did you knock him out?"**

**Sarge: "Well, all work and no play, you know, heh heh heh."**

**Simmons: "That's dumb."**

**Sarge: "I think you know the proper procedure for submitting complaints, Simmons."**

Yang groaned again.

"It's like Doctor Oobleck's homework...times two." Jaune said horrified.

**Simmons: "Heugh, I'll get my calligraphy pens."**

**Sarge: "Don't bother. I think you also know how we treat traitors on Red Team!"**

**Sarge cocks his shotgun.**

**Simmons: "I'm guessing you're not cocking that gun to give me a one gun salute in honor of my new promotion."**

"A one gun salute for being a traitor, except instead of shooting into the air he will shoot Simmons in the face." Yang said laughing.

Weiss sighed, "Winter once told me the gun salutes are usually done in honor of fallen soldiers."

"I thought they had to stop those, because some stray bullets fell from the sky and injured a few people." Jaune said.

Weiss sighed, "Yeah Winter talked about that too, that was not a good day for her. So much paperwork."

"..Aaaaannd the people that got injured? They had a bad day too." Ruby added.

"Imagine how unlucky you would have to be." Blake said.

"Wait! At anytime a bullet can fall from the sky a hit me!" Nora gasped.

"Nora they stopped doing that, and even if they didn't, you have aura." Ren pointed out.

**Sarge: "I don't think so. Simmons, just remember, this hurts me more than it hurts you."**

"Isn't that a line for a terrible break up?" Ruby asked.

"No that's the it's not you it's me line." Yang corrected.

Pyrrha sighed, "I used that line, not for a break up but for guys interested in me."

"I used it on guys interested in my money, people usually talk about girls being gold diggers but there are a lot of guys only interested in money, like my father." Weiss groaned.

"I used it on guys because I didn't want them to find out I was a Faunus." Blake added shamefully.

"I still don't like that you hide your ears." Ruby commented.

"Well I took off my bow for you guys." Blake huffed holding up her bow. "Like I said before, you may be accepting of my race but most of your species is not. I don't want people to see me for what I am, but for who I am."

"...Sorry." Ruby mumbled.

Blake sighed and smiled. "It's fine everyone."

**Simmons: "I seriously doubt that, Sir."**

**Sarge: "Well, it hurts me almost as much as it hurts you."**

**Simmons: "I don't buy that either."**

**Church enters the frame behind Sarge.**

"Is that Church?" Ruby asked.

"It appears so." Ren answered.

 **Sarge: "Well I** _ **am**_ **the one who has to clean the shotgun later, and those solvents smell so-"**

**Church sneaks up on Sarge and knocks him out with the butt end of his sniper rifle. The same one Tucker still hasn't gotten to hold**

**Church: "Booya!"**

**Sarge: "Geegagawboh!"**

Nora snorted. "That's a funny word."

Ruby snorted too. "It is."

The two fell into a fit of giggles while everyone else remained quiet because they didn't think it was funny.

Weiss sighed. "So childish." She smiled.

Ren smiled too.

**Simmons: "Ooh, the back of your head."**

Jaune laughed at the callback joke.

**Church: "Well that was close. I've always wanted to say "booya" too, that was awesome. ...Booyeah."**

"It's so satisfying to knock someone out while saying Booyah." Yang commented.

"I should try it." Nora said looking at her hammer.

 **Simmons: "Where the hell'd** _ **you**_ **come from?"**

 **Church: "Huh? Oh, you must be one of the** _ **new**_ **Blues that took over our base after we left. Listen, don't be afraid, but I'm from the past."**

"Wait he doesn't recognize Simmons?" Ruby asked.

"He's painted blue." Jaune pointed out.

"I thought he would at least remember his voice." Ruby added.

 **Simmons: "Why would I be afraid of someone from the** _ **past**_ **? People from the** _ **future**_ **are scary. People from the** _ **past**_ **are savages and idiots."**

Weiss, Ren, and Blake laughed.

"Professor Oobleck would think that was funny." Blake commented.

**Sarge: "Whaoweaugh, what the, who hit me?"**

**Simmons: "Hurry, quick, before he wakes up, help me get this guy in the hole."**

**Church: "We have a hole? That's kickass!"**

"I agree!" Nora commented.

**Cut to a dirty, nasty swamp where Tucker and friends are... sounds like an early morning cartoon, doesn't it?**

**Andy: "Alright. This, is the Great Swamp. We can rest here a while before we move on."**

**Tucker: "Yeah, let's rest in a swamp, that makes sense."**

"Swamps are disgusting." Pyrrha commented. "There was one back in Mistral." She explained.

"Sleeping in the cold mud, eugh." Ruby groaned.

**Andy: "Save your energy Tucker, you're gonna need it."**

**Tucker: "Aw screw that. So far this quest is a fuckin' breeze. I've already killed a dead monster. What's next, we gonna open an unlocked door? Rescue a Princess from herself?"**

"Rescuing someone from themself isn't easy." Blake commented.

Everyone in the room nodded.

"That reminds me of the fairy tale about the girl in the tower, except she didn't need to be rescued from herself." Pyrrha said.

**Andy: "Hey Caboose. What's wrong?"**

**Cut to Caboose looking at a black figure hiding behind a tree in the distance. Hint hint, its Tex!**

"Someones following them." Blake squinted.

"It's probably Tex." Ren pointed out. "She wants whatever reward they get."

**Caboose: "I think something is following us."**

**Andy: "Yeah. It's been on us since we left. Part of the prophecy talks about something** _ **evil**_ **that tries to take the Great Weapon."**

"Definitely sounds like her." Yang laughed.

**Tucker: "You mean my awesome dead monster killing weapon? It can have it."**

"I would never steal anything but I still really want that sword." Jaune commented.

"It will take a while Jaune Atlas scientists are slow but thorough." Weiss explained.

 **Andy: "It's attracted to it. It** _ **can't**_ **live without it."**

"Sounds like Ruby and her scythe." Yang said laughing.

Ren chuckled, "or Nora with her pancakes."

"Yang and Bumblebee." Blake added.

"I can live without Pancakes!" Nora yelled defiantly.

"Crescent Rose is my baby no one can take her!" Ruby yelled hugging her scythe rifle, Scythle.

"I worked on Bumblebee for years!" Yang yelled reaching for her keys instinctively.

**Tucker: "That doesn't sound good. Hey Caboose, come here and hold my sword."**

**Andy: "It's okay, we got a plan. We can make camp, and then we'll tell ya about it."**

**Caboose: "I** _ **love**_ **camping!"**

"Me too." Ruby commented.

Blake sighed, "If you have to do it a lot it gets old."

Yang started snickering. "...Weiss..."

Weiss sighed, "yeah?"

"Have you ever been glamping?" Yang asked.

"What's glamping?" Ruby asked.

"It's the rich people version of Camping, comfortable and boring." Blake explained.

"Luckily I have never been glamping so I wouldn't know." Weiss said answering Yang.

**Fade out, then back in to Tucker snoring.**

**Tucker: "(snore) ...twins... hm, huh? Hey, guys? Andy? ...Caboose? Alien thing? ... ...Guys? Anybody?"**

Blake smirked, "Tex probably took them out, without even waking him up. Impressive."

Yang was too busy laughing at Tucker's dream.

**Tex slowly sneaks up behind Tucker.**

**Cut to Caboose Andy and the Alien.**

"Huh?" Blake said confused.

**Andy: "** _**Now Caboose!"** _

**Alien: "WHARRRRRG!"**

**The alien jumps on Tex and starts beating her. Go alien dude!**

"Oh I get it." Blake laughed.

Ren chuckled too. "Tucker was the bait."

**Andy: "We got it!"**

**Caboose: "Is it safe to come out yet?"**

**Andy: "Caboose, you were sup** _ **posed**_ **to help."**

**Caboose: "I was helping watch."**

**Andy: "What if somethin' had happened?"**

**Caboose: "I'm sure I would have seen it."**

Yang and Ruby laughed.

**Tucker: "Hey what the hell, where did you guys go?"**

**Andy: "We laid a trap."**

**Tucker: "A trap? You left me all alone!"**

**Andy: "Heh heh heh, you can't have a trap without** _**bait!"** _

Jaune sighed, "that's just mean."

**Tucker: "I was the bait?"**

**Caboose: "I thought you did a** _ **very**_ **good job."**

Pyrrha laughed, "Always being nice."

 **Tex: "Get** _ **off**_ **of me you stinky idiot!"**

**Tucker: "Tex?"**

**Tex: "** _ **This**_ **is some greeting. I come to help you guys and ya** _ **ambush**_ **me."**

"What a dirty liar she was sneaking up behind Tucker!" Nora pointed out.

Blake laughed.

**Andy: "You weren't comin' to help, you were comin' to steal the sword!"**

**Tex: "No I wasn't. I was coming to steal your reward."**

**Andy: "There** _ **is**_ **no reward. The reward, is the sword."**

"A quest with no reward? Booorrring." Nora shouted.

**Tex: "Oh. Thennn yeah, I guess I'm here to steal the sword."**

**Alien: "Hurn, blarrr."**

**Andy: "Oh yeah yeah, and also the salvation and emancipation of his species for all eternity."**

"Hmm." Blake hummed thinking.

**Tex: "Tell you what. I'll go fifty fifty. You keep the emancipation, and I'll keep the sword."**

**Alien: "Hurhonk?"**

**Andy: "Deal."**

**Tucker: "What do I get?"**

**Tex: "You get to live, but no guarantees."**

**Tucker: "That's not a reward for** _**me** _ **, that's a reward for all the fine ladies in the Universe."**

"Thats a curse." Weiss joked.

 **Tex: "I'm a woman, and somehow... I don't** _ **feel**_ **any luckier."**

 **Tucker: "I said** _ **fine**_ **ladies."**

"I'm sure Tex is a _fine_ lady." Yang smirked.

Ruby groaned and facepalmed.

**Andy: "What do you want Caboose?"**

**Caboose: "I want a pony"**

**The screen faded to black.**

"I want one too!" Nora shouted looking at Ren.

"So do I." Ruby added.

Yang and Ren sighed and smiled at each other.

* * *

**My pm's/Reviews are open to**

**-Suggestions for this FanFiction**

**-Requests for any new FanFictions**

**-Advice on writing**

**-Reviews**

**-Pointing out any and all mistakes**

**-Questions, any and all**

**-the worst thing(s) about this story**

**-the best thing(s) about this story**

**-how I can fix the worst things**

**-how I can improve the best things**

**-any and all nit picks/small things that you don't like**

**-Thanks!**


	69. S4E69 Talk of the Town

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 69- Talk of the Town**

" **Talk of the Town" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight hummed the theme.

Ruby grinned when she finally finished writing down all the questions she would ask for the second in command competition.

"So Ruby..how are you going to judge us?" Blake asked.

"Yeah how do we do good in your competition!" Nora asked.

"Nora the stowaway." Yang mumbled under her breath.

"What?" Nora asked glaring at Yang."

"What?" Yang asked playing dumb.

"Oh...I didn't think about that." Ruby mumbled. "I guess whoever does best, like fastest time, most formal, best answers, and best talent." Ruby shrugged.

"That's not what I meant." Blake said. "I meant-"

"Oh I get it, ratings like one to ten." Ruby explained.

"I already know I'm a ten." Yang said gesturing to herself.

Ruby groaned.

"...really?" Blake asked.

"Yeah that was a little self centered huh." Yang said looking around. "Sorry, Ruby set me up for that joke."

"It wasn't funny." Weiss said bluntly.

Yang sighed, "Yeah I know."

**Fade in to Blue Base in the Gulch**

**Church: "Man, Sarge is frickin' heavy. Hey blue guy where'd you go I need some help."**

**Simmons: "Listen Donut, Church thinks I'm a blue guy, so whatever you do just pretend like you don't know me."**

"Church really should be able to recognize his voice." Blake commented.

 **Donut: "I** _ **don't**_ **know you."**

"What a pro." Nora commented smiling.

**Simmons: "Yeah, just like that, good job."**

**Donut: "No, I'm serious, I have no idea who you are."**

"Wait...does he really not know?" Blake asked.

Weiss looked at Blake and shrugged.

**Sarge's limp body falls down from the ceiling in the background**

**Simmons: "Okay, stop practicing, here he comes."**

**Donut: "So does that mean you're** _ **not**_ **gonna tell me who you are?"**

"They've been teammates since episode...three! How does Donut of all people not recognize his voice?" Pyrrha asked.

Jaune shrugged.

**Simmons: "Okay, that's a little too far, no-one's gonna buy that."**

**Church: "Euh, you know I could have used some help new guy, thanks."**

**Simmons: "(in some weird voice) I was just securing this prisoner. Which is interesting, considering that I have never met him before."**

"Simmons is an even worse liar than you." Yang said to Ruby.

"Hey! It's not a bad thing that I can't lie." Ruby huffed.

"...That is a great point Ruby." Pyrrha praised.

**Church: "Why is that interesting?"**

**Simmons: "(still in that weird voice) I don't know."**

"Why is that everyone's default disguise voice?" Blake asked.

"Is it really?" Nora asked before attempting to do her lying voice. Surprise surprise she did the same thing Simmons did. "(In voice) wow it's true!"

"(In voice) That is so cool!" Yang said.

"(In voice) I physically can't try another voice." Jaune said. "Why does everyone disguise their voice like this? Good question Blake."

"Everyone always tries to deepen their voice and talk like they scrunched up their neck and looked down." Blake explained. "If I ever disguise my voice I just try talking like someone else."

"You can do impressions!" Ruby asked surprised.

"Kind of...Not very good ones it's just to disguise my voice." Blake explained.

"Do me do me do me do me!" Ruby screamed.

"Umm ok. Ahem...(Dr Grey's voice) Hi I'm Ruby can I have a cookie! I want to be a huntress and save people!" Blake said.

Yang and Weiss burst out laughing while Ruby just stared at Blake.

"...I don't really sound like that do I?...Do I?" Ruby asked in a hurt voice.

"No no no no, Ruby I just...You don't sound like that at all." Blake explained hastily.

"Well! You sound like this! (Ruby's best attempt at a Blake voice) I'm Blake I fight for the Faunus! I'm super serious and I read porn books!" Ruby said glaring at Blake.

Yang and Weiss burst out laughing again.

Blake blushed and started chuckling, her light laughter soon turned into hysterical laughter.

Ruby started laughing too. "Sorry Blake."

"It's fine Ruby I'm sorry too but really?" Blake asked laughing. "Porn books!" More laughter. "Romance novels." Blake corrected.

**Church: "...Is something wrong with your voice?"**

**Simmons: "Oh I was just disguising it, so the prisoner wouldn't think he knew me."**

Blake sighed, "Worst. Liar. Ever. Of all time."

**Donut: "What?"**

**Simmons: "But he doesn't. Do you prisoner?"**

**Donut: "Um... no?"**

**Simmons: "Right.** _**(whispering) Good job Donut** _ **."**

**Donut: "Wait, is this some really weird form of torture?"**

**Church: "Well okay, help me load these guys in the jeep before they wake up."**

**Simmons: "Okay.** _**Donut, grab the ankles** _ **."**

"If he's trying to convince Church he doesn't know Donut why did he just say his name when he would supposedly not know him?" Blake asked looking at the screen angrily.

"What's wrong?" Weiss asked.

"Nothing just, it's like watching someone do something you're really good at except they're terrible." Blake explained.

"You mean lying?" Nora asked.

Blake blushed, "...yeah."

"You aren't that good at lying." Yang pointed out.

Blake groaned.

**Donut: "Okie dokie. How's this?"**

**Simmons: "** _ **Sarge's**_ **ankles Donut."**

**Cut to the Alien leading Tucker, Caboose and Tex through a tunnel of some sort**

**Andy: "Step it up guys, we're almost there."**

**Tucker: "I'm tellin' you, the alien has really been creepin' me out lately. Every time I wake up he's hovering over me. It's really weird."**

"That does not sound good." Pyrrha commented.

**Tex: "I'm sure he's just safeguarding his sword. I mean, my sword."**

**Caboose: "Maybe he just wants to steal your breath."**

"Caboose may be more right than he realizes I do not trust that Alien." Pyrrha commented.

"Why?" Jaune asked.

"He beat up Tucker for a sword and doesn't want Andy to translate some of the stuff he says." Pyrrha pointed out.

"That makes sense." Ren nodded.

**Tucker: "Maybe he's trying to figure out what I taste like."**

**Andy: "Hurry up ya idiots."**

**Tucker: "Man did it get a lot colder all of a sudden?"**

"The great Freezing plains." Ren mumbled. "First it was the great burning plains, something about the hills of blarganthia? And now the great freezing plains."

**Andy: "Of course it did. They don't call it the Great Freezin' Plains for nothin'."**

"Is this sidewinder again?" Ruby asked.

"I don't think so." Weiss said. "Remember Sidewinder was the ice planet...wait if side winder was the ice planet why did the ring blow up?" Weiss asked.

"I never thought about that." Jaune said surprised. "Maybe Sidewinder was a ring too."

"Hmm maybe, anyway this can't be sidewinder since they went to the future and sidewinder was melted and destroyed." Weiss explained.

"Unless they were all blown from one side of the ring to the other." Ren theorized.

"Ugh it makes no sense!" Weiss complained.

"It's the one thing I hate about this show." Blake said. "All the inconsistencies."

**Tucker: "Whoa."**

**Caboose: "I'm just glad, I brought my mittens."**

**Tex: "The snow is the least of our problems."**

"Huh?" Ruby mumbled.

**Andy: "Why?"**

**Tex: "I assume we have to get in to that big temple base thing?"**

**Andy: "Yeah..."**

**The screen cuts to show the big temple base thing with a bunch of Red and Blue guards on it.**

**Tex: "Well, it's got about two dozen** _ **guards**_ **on its walls."**

"Wait are those guards Red and Blue?" Ruby asked squinting and leaning forward.

Blake groaned. "Yes, it better not be those fanatics."

"Why? I loved them!" Nora shouted.

"They were really funny." Yang laughed.

**Caboose: "Oh no."**

**Tex: "Yep. Doesn't look good."**

**Caboose: "No no no, I mean I lost one of my mittens? Um... we have to go back."**

"It does suck not having mittens or gloves in Atlas." Weiss commented.

Pyrrha chuckled at Caboose.

**Tucker: "Caboose we've been walking for days. We're not goin' back for anything."**

**Tex: "Suggestions Andy?"**

**Andy: "I say we let Tucker storm in and take 'em out in a mad rush, and while** _ **he's**_ **got 'em distracted,** _ **we**_ **finish the quest."**

"So use Tucker as Bait." Blake summarized.

**Tucker: "On second thought, personal warmth is very important. Let's go get that mitten! It'll be like a mini-quest."**

"Side quest." Ruby, Yang, and Jaune corrected at the same time.

"Is that something to do with a video game?" Ren asked.

Ruby nodded.

 **Tex: "I think sur** _ **prise**_ **is the key."**

**Andy: "What ya thinkin'?"**

**Tex: "Let me take them out, one by one. They will** _ **never**_ **know what hit them."**

**Andy: "Ya think you can kill 'em all without alerting the rest?"**

"This should be interesting." Blake mumbled leaning forward. "I wish I could turn invisible."

"Someone out there probably has that semblance." Jaune commented.

"That's a little creepy." Yang commented.

"Your mind is always in the gutter." Weiss groaned.

"I wasn't even thinking about it like that!" Yang argued.

**Tex: "Just watch me."**

**Tex uses her Armor enhancement and cloaks.**

"How can she still cloak? Didn't her old body and armor get buried?" Pyrrha asked.

"Maybe when she came back she took it back from her old armor." Jaune suggested.

**Andy: "How can I watch ya, you just turned invisible."**

**Tucker: "And yet, I was still able to check out her ass. That's why I'm a pro."**

"Pervert." Weiss mumbled. Blake and Pyrrha nodded.

**Cut back to the Gulch, where Church and Simmons are dropping off the Reds in front of their base**

**Church: "Okay Donut, wait until we're gone, and then you can wake 'em up."**

**Donut: "Well what do I tell them?"**

**Church: "I don't care, tell 'em you busted in and rescued them. Get yourself a medal. You deserve it."**

**Donut: "H-i always** _ **did**_ **wanna be a hero... H-and a liar."**

"Hopefully he's a better liar than Simmons." Blake commented.

**Church: "Well then it's your lucky day."**

**Donut: "Don't you want anything?"**

**Church: "Like what?"**

**Donut: "Well, every time someone surrenders they take somethin'. Like when we took the medic, and you guys took Grif's dignity."**

"Why is he reminding him?" Yang asked. "He could have just left and not offered Church anything."

"Donut is too nice, I like that about him." Pyrrha smiled.

 **Simmons: "Hyeah, like** _ **that**_ **ever existed. Uhhh, I mean, which one is Grif? Is he the yellow one?"**

**Donut: "And this time you guys don't want anything?"**

"He's going to want something." Blake commented.

**Church: "Well, technically you're not surrendering. This is what we call in the Military, a "total asskicking." Oh, and also, we're taking your car."**

"There it is." Yang said leaning back.

**Donut: "What? You're leaving us out here, without any transportation?** _**We'll die!"** _

"Of what?" Weiss asked.

**Church: "Die of what?"**

**Donut: "Ex** _ **posure!**_ **We're stranded! This is murder."**

"It's not like they're far from his base." Blake pointed out.

**Church: "Your base is right there, I can see it."**

**Donut: "You may as well just feed us to the buzzards right now."**

**Church: "You could have walked back to the base in the time we've been discussing this."**

**Donut: "Go. Just sign our death warrants."**

"He's being really over dramatic." Ruby commented.

**Sarge: "Rrouw.** _**Go** _ **urough. What's goin' on?"**

**Church: "Hey, take care o' that guy."**

**Simmons: "(whispering) Sorry about this Sarge, but look at it this way, you were right; this** _ **does**_ **hurt you more than me."**

Yang laughed.

**Sarge:"Is that you, Simmo- (smacked in the head) goh, knocked out again"**

**The screen faded to black.**

* * *

**My pm's/Reviews are open to**

**-Suggestions for this FanFiction**

**-Requests for any new FanFictions**

**-Advice on writing**

**-Reviews**

**-Pointing out any and all mistakes**

**-Questions, any and all**

**-the worst thing(s) about this story**

**-the best thing(s) about this story**

**-how I can fix the worst things**

**-how I can improve the best things**

**-any and all nit picks/small things that you don't like**

**-Thanks!**


	70. S4E70 Sneaking In

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 70- Sneaking In**

" **Sneaking in" Appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight hummed the theme again.

**Fade in to the Blue guys guarding the temple base thingy that Tex is supposed to attack .**

**Blue Guy 1: "Hey Reds! We're guarding the shit outta this wall, you suck!"**

Weiss and Blake groaned.

"Of course its them!" Weiss yelled angrily.

Pyrrha smiled, "look they're working together."

"That's surprising." Yang commented.

"Now they're twice as annoying." Blake added, Weiss snickered at Blake's joke **.**

**Red Guy: "Your wall's easy to guard, try ours!"**

**Blue Guy 2: "You don't even have a roof up there, you suck. What're you guarding it from, birds?"**

Yang, Nora, Jaune, and Ruby laughed.

"I love these guys." Ruby commented.

"They're like lobby chat in person." Jaune added.

Yang laughed and nodded, "If it was more accurate there would be some kid with dogs barking or a loud tv."

"Or some annoying kid with a screechy voice you have to find and mute." Jaune added.

"Or some mean guy with his mic in his mouth yelling so fast you can't understand him." Ruby added.

"I hate those guys the most." Jaune said.

"I just hate the squealing kids, sometimes those angry guys can be funny." Yang pointed out.

"I don't like the guys who hate the game when they're losing and can't understand they suck because they suck." Ruby said.

Jaune laughed. "(Angry bad gamer voice) Lag! Why is there so much lag! Wait what! How did I die? Hacks! Hacks! And Cheaters!"

"It always has to be aimbot or lag switches." Ruby commented, "Never problems with skill."

"It does suck when it's actually aimbot and lag switches though. Or some other annoying cheat like rocket bullets." Yang pointed out.

"Yeah I hate cheaters, me and Saphron only ever cheated for cosmetics." Jaune explained.

"Some cheaters are fun, like giving everyone in the match the same cheat, or same disability." Ruby said laughing.

"Yeah I lo-" Yang started.

"Hey!" Weiss interrupted.

"Can we please get back to the show?" Blake asked.

"Your conversation was getting long." Pyrrha explained shyly.

"Sorry." Ruby mumbled.

**Red Guy: "You suck."**

**Blue Guy 2: "You suck."**

**Blue Guy 1: "You suck."**

**Red Guy: "You suck."**

**Blue Guy 1: "You suck."**

**Blue Guy 2: "You suck."**

**Blue Guy 1: "You suck."**

**Red Guy: "You suck."**

**Blue Guy 2: "No** _**you do!"** _

**Red Guy: "We suck. No you suck."**

**Blue Guy 1: "Okay never mind."**

**Blue Guy 2: "You suck!"**

**Tucker: "Oh,** _ **those**_ **guys? How did** _ **they**_ **get here?"**

Weiss and Blake groaned again.

**Caboose: "Shush. Tex told us to be quiet."**

**Tucker: "Caboose, we're three hundred yards away. I don't think they heard us."**

**Red Guy: "I think I heard something."**

"Proximity chat." Yang mumbled laughing at her own joke. Jaune and Ruby heard and started chuckling too.

**Tucker: "I'm sure that was, just a coincidence."**

**Tex arrives inside the temple still invisible.**

**Andy: "Alright. After she takes out those three one by one, we probably stand a chance."**

**Tex walks behind a blue guy and starts beating him up.**

**Blue Guy: "Ow, what the fuck, that hurt! Ow!"**

Blakes grin fell, "what? I thought Tex was stealthier than that? I could do better than that without cloaking!"

Weiss laughed, "Look on the bright side, she's beating up one of the annoying fanatics."

Blake grinned.

**Andy: "Or maybe not."**

**Blue Guy: "Ow! Ow! Jesus! Ow!** _**Stop it!"** _

"Where are the other fanatics?" Pyrrha asked.

"They should be coming soon." Blake said.

**Tucker: "Uh oh."**

**The screen cuts to show a Red and Blue fanatic talking While Tex is in the background beating the blue fanatic.**

**Blue Guy: "What the fuck? Ow, ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!"**

**Second Blue Guy: "Heugh... So, did you watch the game last night?"**

"She's literally five feet away! How do they not hear him! I've breathed too loud and been found out!" Blake complained.

"Glad to know you great at being stealthy around the SDC." Weiss muttered passive aggressively.

"Glad to know the SDC brands Faunus" Blake mumbled equally as passive aggressively.

"What?" Weiss asked.

Everyone stopped and stared at Blake.

"Someone in the White Fang that I knew, he had an SDC brand over his face. That's why he joined." Blake explained.

"What! No no no no, the SDC does not do that! I know the company mistreats Faunus but Branding has not been done since Mistral and Mantle slavery!" Weiss yelled.

"It's been going on for years! Ever since your Dad became CEO!" Blake yelled.

"He would never! Too many risks, The public finding out, Faunus rebelling, everything!" Weiss yelled.

Blake glared at Weiss and sighed. "I don't want to have a repeat of our big argument first semester." Blake said while glaring the entire time.

Weiss sighed too, "I trust you Blake so if you say he had an SDC brand I believe you. I- I'm sorry, but I- I don't know. I need to think about this."

"Can you think about this later?" Yang asked. "Sorry but come on we spent so much of our time worrying about the problems in the world and I was hoping these two weeks before the tournament would be a good break."

Weiss and Blake sighed.

"I agree." Blake said. "Besides there's not much we can do that others haven't."

"I will look into it though Blake." Weiss assured.

**Red Guy: "Yeah, go Red."**

**Second Blue Guy: "Fuck that, Red sucks."**

**The scene cuts to show Tex shooting the body of the blue.**

**Blue Guy: "Now you're shooting me! Give me a break, this sucks! What the fuck did I ever do to you?! COME ONNNN!"**

Blake groaned. "How!"

Yang and Nora were too busy laughing.

**Tucker: "What the fuck, are they deaf?"**

**A sniper shot hits behind Tucker**

**Tucker: "Oh right,** _ **that**_ **you heard?"**

Everyone laughed at that.

**THE SIEGE BEGINS! "Noobs Rush in" starts playing. A blue guy starts shooting at Caboose and Tucker with a turret.**

"That turret looks weird." Ruby mumbled.

"Yeah, glad Coco's isn't like that." Jaune said.

Ruby laughed, "it's so cool!"

**A blue spider lands on the Blue guy at the turret and blows him up.**

**Everyone: "Huh?"**

**That First Blue Guy: "What?"**

**Tex: "Hiya fellas. Who's next?"**

Yang grinned.

**Everyone: "Charge!"**

**They charge, Tex mows 'em down, proving once and for all that she's a total badass.**

"Tex is a badass again!" Yang yelled happily.

"Those submachine guns are incredible." Ren mumbled.

"Do you still want the energy shooting ones?" Ruby asked.

"Yes those are way better than those." Ren said. "Thanks Ruby."

**Tex throws a plasma grenade and blows up three fanatics.**

Nora started giggling to herself.

"What is it?" Jaune asked.

"Blue spider..." She said laughing.

"Wha- ohh ohhhh!" Jaune started laughing.

"I don't get it." Ruby mumbled.

"Remember when Tex stuck Donut with a sticky grenade? They thought it was a spider." Jaune explained.

Ruby gasped, "That's what we'll call them!"

"Yeah!" Nora yelled happily holding up one.

"Nora no!" Ren yelled. "Put the grenade down!"

Nora groaned. "Fine!"

 **Tucker: "** _ **That**_ **went well. So much for a sneak attack."**

"Don't need one when Tex is a badass!" Yang said happily.

**Cut to Donut talking on Red Base back in the Gulch**

**Donut: "And that's how I rescued you both, and saved the day. The, End. Any questions?"**

**Grif: "Donut, that was the longest story I have ever heard. And I don't think I believed a word of it."**

"Like Nora's dream stories." Jaune mumbled to Pyrrha's laughter.

**Sarge: "And quite frankly I found the show tune in the middle to be a little over the top."**

Nora grinned, "Ohhh! I can add those in my stories."

Jaune groaned.

 **Donut: "Every word is** _ **absolutely true.**_ **It was the best military operation that you two ever slept through."**

**Grif: "If everything went so well, then where's our jeep?"**

**Donut: "Well, I have a song I'd like to sing about that."**

"Please no." Blake mumbled.

**Grif: "Forget it."**

**Cut to Church and Blue Simmons spying on the Reds through Church's sniper rifle with Sheila behind them.**

**Church: "Okay, that red one? That's Sarge. He's their leader, which is lucky for us because... well he's not that good a leader."**

**Simmons: "Okay."**

Ren laughed, "the Irony is amazing."

**Church: "And the one next to him is Donut. I like Donut, he's pretty harmless man, I, I don't think he'd hurt a fly."**

"I like Donut too." Pyrrha commented.

**Simmons: "Yeah, plus he's a little..."**

**Church: "A little, what?"**

"Gay?" Yang suggested.

**Simmons: "You know."**

**Church: "No I, no I don't know."**

**Simmons: "You know, he's kinda in to, girly stuff like ...feelings, and... da- you know."**

"Feelings aren't girly." Jaune commented.

"They're human." Pyrrha said.

"Ahem?"

"And Faunus sorry." Pyrrha apologized. "There really needs to be a word for both."

Blake snorted, "One scientist called us Dustlings."

**Church: "Uh, I think you might be projecting, there."**

Yang and Blake laughed.

"He really is." Blake laughed.

**Simmons: "I'm not projecting, I'm just stating an observation."**

**Church: "I don't know man. You seem pretty defensive for somebody who's not projecting."**

**Simmons: "** _**His armor is pink."** _

"Pink is manly." Jaune said

Ren nodded.

 **Church: "** _ **Pink,**_ **I wouldn't say pink, maybe... you know, slightly less red, but-"**

"It's pink!" Nora yelled.

**Simmons: "It's pink, trust me. I know pink when I see it."**

**Church: "Uh yeah, I bet. You wanna talk about it?"**

**Simmons: "No."**

**Church: "And last is the orange one, that's Grif. He's really lazy, and really annoying."**

**Simmons: "Yeah."**

**Church: "But, at least he's smart. In fact I think he might be the smartest one of the bunch."**

"Maybe the one with the most common sense." Weiss commented. "And that's generous."

"I think he's smarter than Ren." Yang commented.

"He's not good at math." Ren added.

**Simmons: "You mean smarter than all of the ones there now."**

**Church: "No I mean all of them put together man, there's this other guy, who hangs around, in maroon armor? I haven't seen him in a while but he's a freakin' know-it-all man. He** _ **acts**_ **like he's smart, but he's really not."**

"Ohhh no." Jaune mumbled seeing where the show was going.

**Simmons: "What?"**

**Church: "Yeah he walks around like he owns the place, and, you know he- you know, but nobody listens to him, and they always make fun of him behind his back."**

"I feel really bad for Simmons." Pyrrha cringed.

"I know ugh." Ruby groaned.

**Simmons: "What do they say?"**

**Church: "Oh just how he's not good at stuff, and how he's dumb, and how the stuff he likes is dumb, and also that, you know, he's not as attractive as other people are."**

Everyone groaned or sighed.

"Ohhh this sucks so much for Simmons." Yang commented.

"Church is mean." Nora added.

**Simmons: "(Sniff, then as if holding back tears) Man, he sounds like a real jerk."**

"Awwwwww noo" Ruby groaned.

"I hope Simmons doesn't break again, but after hearing even his team talks behind his back..." Jaune commented.

"Donut is still there." Pyrrha pointed out.

**Simmons runs off**

**Church: "Hehey, where ya goin'?"**

**Simmons: "(Holding back tears) I have to use the bathroom."**

Everyone groaned again.

"I know that feeling." Blake mumbled.

Yang sighed, "yeah me too."

"Me three." Pyrrha and Weiss added at the same time.

"Four sorry." Pyrrha corrected herself.

"Everyone has felt that at some point." Ren said wisely.

**Church: "Well, u-hurry up man, I wanna finish your orientation before you have to make me dinner."**

**Sheila: "...You do know that's Simmons, right?"**

**Church: "Oh yeah"**

**The screen cut to black.**

"What an Asshole!" Yang yelled.

"I know!" Weiss growled.

Ruby groaned, "He's definitely not my favorite character anymore."

"I feel so much worse for Simmons now." Jaune commented.

Everyone nodded.

"Next one?" Jaune asked.

Everyone nodded again.

**—Criminals SS- Not Canon**

Mercury and Emerald burst out laughing.

"I love this guy!" Mercury yelled while laughing.

"This is the first time the show is actually funny!" Emerald said in between laughs.

"Ohh man I have to say that to someone somehow." Mercury mumbled.

"He made Simmons cry!" Emerald laughed again.

"Hey Em you wanna make a bet?" Mercury asked.

"Don't call me Em but what is it?" Em asked.

"First person that can make someone cry using Church's lines wins." Mercury explained.

Emerald laughed again. "What are the stakes?"

"A hundred Lien and homework from the fatass." Mercury said flashing Lien.

"I'll raise that bet to include homework from Goodbitch too." Emerald said flashing her pickpocketed Lien.

"Deal." Mercury laughed.

"I'm glad to see the two of you are having fun." Cinder said from behind them.

Emerald immediately let go of his hand and stood up blushing but looking into Cinder's eyes.

"I'm sorry Ma'am I-"

Cinder held up a hand. "It's fine Emerald, so long as this bet does not cause unwanted attention or disturbance."

Emerald nodded.

"Now, Since the two of you are having such a great time I hope you won't mind a third." Cinder smiled.

Emerald grinned and her eyes brightened. "Of course not Ma'am I would love it if you would join us again!"

Cinder laughed mirthlessly. "Not me Emerald, her." Cinder said to the girl with mismatched eyes behind her.

Emerald and Mercury's face fell.

Neo gave a wave and a evil grin.

"I still have business to attend to so you two keep watch on her." Cinder ordered leaving the room.

Neo glared at Cinder as she left and pouted.

Emerald and Mercury groaned and glared at Neo who glared back. Without even asking Neo stole pillow's from Mercury's bed and padded up a spot on Emeralds bed behind the two.

"Hey! Those are my pillows!" Mercury yelled.

Neo smirked at Mercury, the kind of smirk that just makes your blood boil. Mercury growled and made a move to grab a pillow.

Neo moved in a flash and Mercury was on his ass with a pillow in his face in a second.

Emerald laughed in spite of herself.

"This is not going to be fun." Mercury growled.

* * *

**My pm's/Reviews are open to**

**-Suggestions for this FanFiction**

**-Requests for any new FanFictions**

**-Advice on writing**

**-Reviews**

**-Pointing out any and all mistakes**

**-Questions, any and all**

**-the worst thing(s) about this story**

**-the best thing(s) about this story**

**-how I can fix the worst things**

**-how I can improve the best things**

**-any and all nit picks/small things that you don't like**

**-Thanks!**

**If Adam was branded by the SDC and supposedly other Faunus have too, why hasn't this been a bigger deal? And why did the writers not realize it would have been so much better if instead of wasting their time with the giant robot arc they could have had Adam being the badass he was supposed to be fighting off all of them including Weiss. And he takes off his bandage and Weiss sees? I'm still so pissed about how bad season 6's ending was.**

**It makes no sense that Blake would not tell Weiss she knew of Faunus branding. And if Faunus are being branded how does the entire world not know? I hate all these inconsistencies.**


	71. S4E71 You Keep Using That Word

**Author's Note:**

**A reviewer asked if I was going to do any ships. I am happy to say the reviewer would be pissed if I did. I will never do a ship because I don't wanna write a love story. If two characters have chemistry that does not mean they want to fuck each other. If there are any hints of a pairing, its only because it's a canon pairing like Nora/ren and Pyrrha/Jaune. And I guess Yang/Blake unless RT is going to continue ship baiting the community. And I will only have hints of a pairing if I can use it for comedy or to develop a character.**

**Also I know brands don't usually go overs eyes, I'm not an idiot. But if the SDC has a branding stick, they didn't make it for Adam specifically. But I don't feel like arguing about Adam anymore. We will just have to wait until Adam turns out not to be dead and either redeems himself and fights for the Faunus again or more likely continues down a path of going crazy. At this point either can work for the story but I would prefer him fighting for the Faunus. Doesn't mean he has to be a good guy. I hate good guys and bad guys in stories, I want Adam to come back as a character. Not a plot point for Yang and Blake to have sex over his corpse.**

**Edit: Ah, another old rant of mine.**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 71- You Keep Using That Word**

" **You Keep Using That Word" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight hummed the theme as usual.

**Fade in to Church admiring the Ghost, the Warthog, and Sheila**

"Church has all the vehicles, wow!" Yang commented staring at each and every one, especially the purple one aliens made a long time ago. Lopez didn't make it because that was Gamma's simulation but shhhhh! None of them know that yet!

"He has a huge technological advantage over the reds." Weiss commented.

"Like Atlas." Ren added.

"Yes. Like Atlas." Weiss smiled.

"Atlas hoards a lot of technology." Jaune commented, Blake nodded.

Before Weiss could speak up Ren interjected. "They have to, or they think they have to. It's what sets them apart from the other kingdoms and gives them an advantage. They will sell some of their technology but in the end they will want to keep most of it. In case of another war."

"Why would their be another war?" Ruby asked.

"There won't be for a long time don't worry." Yang said comforting Ruby.

"A wise leader never seeks war, but is always prepared for it." Ren quoted.

"Like the King of Vale." Pyrrha commented, "he did everything he could to stop the great war from happening. But when it started he was well prepared, and it showed."

Ren nodded. "He's the one who I quoted."

"He made up a lot of quotes." Weiss commented. "Like the one about Wise leaders knowing when to follow."

Ren nodded again.

**Church: "Look at this Sheila, this, is a thing, of beauty, what I have here. I am amazed."**

**Sheila: "Whatever."**

Yang furrowed her eyebrows in thought.

**Church: "We have got every, single vehicle in this canyon. We are unstoppable. This is- I have my own fleet. I have my own fleet of cars."**

"So cool." Ruby commented, eyes brightened.

**Sheila: "Three vehicles and only one guy to drive them. Big deal."**

Blake and Weiss laughed.

 **Church: "No the** _ **important**_ **thing is that they, don't have any vehicles to ...hey is there a problem here?"**

**Sheila: "Problem? Why would there be a problem?"**

"She's Jealous." Yang laughed.

"Why? She's a _tank!_ That's way better than a jeep and the purple thing." Nora pointed out.

"The purple thing is badass!" Yang argued.

**Church: "Ah-sh-e-a, I don't know. You just seem uh, ...you know... agitated."**

**Sheila: "You think I'm agitated."**

**Church: "Well uh- I- I didn't mean, well I- I didn't mean-"**

**Sheila: "No, it was your word. Agitated. You said "You sure seem agitated, Sheila." So I guess that means I'm agitated. Don't I** _ **seem**_ **agitated, Church?"**

"Is she on her period or something?" Nora asked before gasping. "Can Tanks have periods? Can robots?"

Ruby cringed, not wanting to think about that.

Yang laughed. "You're right Nora, she sounds like she's on her period."

Ruby snickered, "you're one to talk. You overreact every time you get yours."

Yang's eyes flashed red. "What! Overact? Ruby I know you are damn well old enough t-"

"It's not that big a deal!" Ruby cut her off. "It's just some cramps."

"Just some cramps!" Weiss yelled joining the argument.

"It hurts like a bitch!" Yang yelled. "And not just the pain, the blood, the damn mood swings the- everything!" Yang yelled.

Ruby shied away from her very very angry sister with a fearful look in her eyes.

"...mine aren't that bad either." Pyrrha said meekly trying to help Ruby.

Blake sighed. "Yang calm down, not every girl has the same period, it affects others dif-"

"Blake I do _not_ need the talk!" Yang yelled.

Nora snickered to herself. "Are you on-"

Ruby quickly ran over and slammed her hand down on Nora's mouth. Yang's hair was already sizzling and she did not want it to get any worse.

Pyrrha leaned over to Jaune. "Play it please."

**Church: "I'm just, I'm just saying you seem a little, upset."**

**Sheila: "Oh- so now I'm upset. Which is it Church, am I agitated or am I upset?"**

Yang and Weiss sighed.

"Is that really how I act?" Yang asked looking to Ruby.

"Well not since school started." Ruby chuckled. "You just got a little bit moodier every time."

Yang chuckled, quickly forgetting the anger she felt just a few moments ago.

"I never get that mad." Weiss commented.

"...yeah you do." Ruby laughed.

Weiss glared at Ruby.

"I never get mad, I just get really depressed." Blake commented with a smile.

The girls proceeded to talk allllll about their periods, including the details. All the while Jaune and Ren sat awkwardly in the corner.

"Am I the only one grossed out by this?" Jaune whispered.

Ren chuckled, "it is a little gross but it may be rude to say it."

Jaune laughed, "I know I learned that lesson the hard way. I have seven sisters remember?"

Ren laughed.

Jaune shrugged. "Hopefully they finish soon."

Both looked over to Yang who was currently being very...detailed about a complaint.

"I hate standing up on my period the most, especially after sitting down for a while." Yang said standing up and looking down.

All the other girls nodded and laughed except for Ruby and Weiss who grimaced.

Nora laughed the hardest. "I know right it's just like gushing and overfl-"

"Please stop!" Jaune yelled gagging.

Ren lost his composure for a second and gagged too.

All the girls laughed at the guys expense.

Pyrrha laughed lightly. "Sorry Jaune, hit play."

**Church: "I don't, I mean I don't really- I could, I could go get a dictionary."**

**Sheila: "Why would I be upset?"**

**Church: "Uh, I don't-"**

**Sheila: "Well, would you be upset if I got a bunch more blue guys to come hang around and help me?"**

**Church: "Well actually there, are, three other guys on the squad."**

**Sheila: "Exactly. This isn't a parking lot Church, it's a team, a family. Are we just supposed to** _ **forget**_ **everything we've been through?"**

"This suddenly changed from Sheila being jealous to Sheila being an angry wife." Yang commented.

Weiss sighed, she had heard her mother have a similar argument with her father.

**Church: "Right, including the time that you killed me."**

Yang, Nora, and Ruby laughed.

**Sheila: "How about, if I suddenly decided, I wasn't the Blue team's tank? What if today, I'm feeling just a little bit red."**

"Yes!" Nora cheered.

"No!" Ruby yelled.

Blake laughed, "Even if Sheila switches over Sarge would never use her. He would ignore her existence."

Jaune and Yang laughed while Ruby cheered.

**Church: "They're just cars, Sheila."**

"Bad choice of words." Weiss laughed.

**Sheila: "I'm going to pretend that I didn't hear that."**

**Church: "Hey is there like a... jealousy, setting, somewhere on you that I can you know, ...turn off?"**

"I wish I could turn that off." Pyrrha mumbled looking at Jaune and Weiss.

"Jealousy is a waste of time." Yang commented. "Guys can have friends that are girls and girls can have friends that are guys."

Ruby frowned, confused. "I mean yeah? Why would a girl get jealous over that. Or guy they're just friends."

Yang, Blake, and Weiss laughed.

"I admire you sometimes Ruby." Blake said smiling.

Ruby didn't know why she would admire her but smiled back.

**Sheila: "Oh you'd like that, wouldn't you?"**

**Cut to the Alien holding Andy during the battle . You can hear some fanatic yelling and bullets firing in the background.**

**Andy: "Tucker, use the key and open the gate!"**

"What key?" Ruby asked.

"The sword." Ren mumbled quietly, no one else heard him.

**Tucker: "Key, what key, I don't have a key!"**

**Alien: "Wharrh."**

**Andy: "Your sword! Use the sword!"**

"The sword is a key?" Ruby said confused. "That makes sense I guess." She shrugged.

 **Tucker: "Oh God, the sword is a** _ **key?**_ **Just when I thought this couldn't get any lamer."**

**Tucker strikes the hologram with the key, opening the gate to reveal a Banshee**

"Woah what is that thing?" Ruby asked.

"It looks like the floaty purple thing." Nora commented.

"It looks sleek." Yang said biting her lip.

"Nora's right." Ren said ignoring Yang's comment. "It has an incredible resemblance to the vehicle Lopez built."

"Maybe Lopez built it too." Ruby theorized.

"We haven't seen Him or O'Malley in a while." Blake commented.

"Or maybe he didn't build it." Ren said. "That thing, which I'm guessing flies. Looks very alien. So does the motorcycle."

"But it's confirmed Lopez built it?" Weiss said confused.

"Maybe it's just the game." Jaune suggested. "They could just be using the vehicles, and in the show they have no relation."

"That doesn't make sense." Weiss said. "Why would they make the vehicles the same and then have them different in the show?"

"Maybe they didn't make the game?" Jaune suggested.

"What company would let people make a show in their game?" Weiss asked.

"The most awesome company ever!" Nora shouted.

"Unlikely." Ren said.

"Yeah, Companies are very cutthroat." Weiss agreed.

"Especially the SDC." Blake added.

Weiss sighed, "Yes, the SDC most of all. You can thank my father for that."

 **Tucker: "What is** _ **that**_ **thing?"**

**Alien: "Blarg blarg, blarg blarrgh!"**

**Andy: "The ship!? What ship?** _ **No-one told me about a ship!**_ **Hey, come back here ya stink nugget!"**

Everyone leaned forward.

Ren hummed while thinking.

**Alien: "Blwarg, blwargh!"**

**The Alien jumps in the ship and takes off**

**Random Grunt of Unknown Color: "Get her!"**

**Tex jumps off the base and looks up at the ship**

**Tex: "Hey, what's that thing!? Where's he going?"**

"Good question." Ren muttered.

**Andy: "I don't know! He just kept saying, "There it is, there it is!"**

**Tex: "I thought** _ **you**_ **said there was no reward at the end of the quest."**

**Andy: "** _**I didn't know!"** _

**Tucker: "If you're pissed about that, wait until you find out that this sword, is really a key."**

"It still works as a sword though...right?" Jaune asked.

"We haven't seen him use it on anyone." Blake pointed out.

Jaune groaned.

"Don't worry, even if that one doesn't work you will still get one because of Atlas. They will actually make you a sword...well they'll make themselves a whole bunch of swords and give you the crappy prototype." Weiss explained for the hundredth time.

Jaune chuckled and relaxed.

"And we have seen him use it on someone remember? the main Red Fanatic" Weiss pointed out.

Blake laughed remembering it.

**Tex: "A what?** _**Andy..."** _

**Andy: "Hey don't blame me, I'm just the translator!"**

**The alien turns the Banshee around and heads toward them.**

**Caboose: "Um, I think the Alien is coming back."**

"Ohhh no." Ruby mumbled biting her nails.

**The alien lines up the Blues in the sights of the ship.**

Everyone leaned forward again.

**Caboose: "Bad Alien! Go away!"**

Pyrrha laughed at Caboose's innocence.

**Tucker: "Uh oh."**

**Tex: "Get down!"**

**Tucker and Tex move, revealing a random red guy behind them.**

**Random Red Guy: "What?"**

**The Alien murders him**

**Random Red Guy: "Ohoh, hurk blarg."**

Jaune and Blake laughed.

"I'm beginning to like that hurg blagh joke." Blake said laughing.

"Me too." Jaune laughed. "They repeat jokes a lot but they do it in a way that's not boring."

Blake and Ren nodded.

**Caboose: "Ohhh, he wasn't coming to kill us. He was saving us. That's a good Alien."**

**Tex: "Well, a deal's a deal, he owes** _ **me**_ **that ship. Andy, tell him to bring that thing down here and-"**

**A rocket hits the ship... how unexpected**

**Alien: "Blarg!"**

Blake burst out laughing at the others gasped.

"What!" Ruby yelled.

"No! He was badass an- Blake! Why are you laughing the alien just died." Yang asked glaring at Blake.

Blake shook her head laughing. "I don't I- just-" more laughter "The blarg! The rocket just hit the ship after- and and he just-" Blake couldn't continued she was laughing too hard.

Weiss sighed, "her dark sense of humor."

"That was so brutal." Ruby commented shaking her head.

Blake only laughed more.

**Andy: "(laughing)You still want me to tell him? 'Cause, I think it's down already."**

Blake laughed too.

**Cut to show Wyoming reloading a rocket launcher while on a ledge.**

**Wyoming: "Tex!"**

"What!" Weiss yelled.

"Wyoming! How is he still alive?" Nora asked.

"He went to the future too!" Ruby yelled.

Blake and Weiss silently groaned.

**Tex: "Wyoming?"**

**Caboose: "Connecticut!"**

**Tucker: "They're not playing a game, Caboose."**

"Hmmm? Connecticut must be another one of these fifty states." Ren mumbler.

"Forty nine." Jaune corrected. "Remember they said something about Florida."

"I think they meant Florida the freelancer." Ren said.

"Ohh." Jaune nodded. "That makes sense. How many do you have?"

Ren sighed. "Not many, the only confirmed ones are Texas, Nevada, Florida, and Wyoming."

"Who cares? They're made up." Blake said as Weiss nodded.

"Can we not get into that debate again?" Jaune asked.

**Caboose: "Well, if they were, I woulda totally won."**

**Wyoming: "Well it appears I've spoiled your little game. So sorry chums."**

**Tex: "That was my ship."**

**Wyoming: "Oh dear, then I stand corrected: I'm** _ **not**_ **sorry."**

Yang glared at Wyoming.

**Tex: "You're gonna pay for that."**

**Wyoming: "All out of change at the moment. Get you next time. Cheerio!"**

"Cheerio must mean goodbye, ends in an oh so it's likely Spanish." Ren mumbled.

"You're grasping the language quick." Pyrrha complimented.

Ren smiled. "Thanks."

**Tex: "Get back here!"**

**Wyoming runs off, and Tex chases him like the star crossed lovers they aren't, because they're mortal enemies!**

**Tucker: "Huh, that didn't go quite the way I expected. You think we should wait for her to come back? Or finish the quest on our own. Or just go home."**

"What was the quests goal again?" Ruby asked.

Ren smiled and picked up his notepad. "The Salvation and Emancipation of his entire Species for all eternity. He was supposed to get the sword-key, which my guess is to get that ship which is a weapon he could use."

"That makes surprisingly a lot of sense." Yang commented.

**Trumpets start playing reveille.**

**Grunts: "Charge!"**

Yang and Nora laughed while Blake and Weiss groaned.

**Tucker: "Yeah, let's go home."**

**Cut to Church and Simmons in Blue Base**

**Church: "You okay there, blue guy?"**

**Simmons: "I'm fine, I, I told you it's just allergies."**

**Church: "Oh yeah? You know I never heard someone say boo hoo hoo when they sneezed."**

Pyrrha groaned.

"I still feel bad for Simmons." Jaune commented.

"Church is being really mean." Ruby sighed. "I guess Tex is my favorite character now."

"Yeah! Team...Yar? Rye?" Yang suggested.

"Ray?" Ruby suggested.

"Yeah that sounds good." Yang smiled. "Team Ray because RY. Agent Patch and Agent Patch two."

"Why am I two?" Ruby asked. "Can't we just be agents of patch?"

"That sounds better." Yang smiled.

**Simmons: "I'm fine."**

"Not fine." Blake corrected.

**Church: "Good, well then now I can give you your orders. Um, first of all that jeep, out there is really dirty, and I think that-"**

**Simmons: "What, why're you giving me orders?"**

"That's how the army works." Weiss commented.

**Church: "Uh, because, that's the way the Blue team works?"**

**Simmons: "Technically,** _ **you're**_ **the new guy. I should be telling you what to do."**

 **Church: "Uh, I don't think so man, see back in the day, uhh the way this worked was Command would call,** _ **me**_ **, and give** _ **me**_ **the orders and then I would pass them along to everybody else. Kay it works like this I would get on my radio like this and I'd say, uh, uh(radio noises) "Come in Blue Command, come in, this is Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha, do you read me?" And then normally this uh, really annoying guy would come back and he would say-"**

**Vic: "Hello, hello, come in, hello."**

"Wow that's a great impression." Blake commented.

"Way better than your impression of me." Ruby said crossing her arms.

"I think it's a reference to the voice actor being the same." Jaune said.

"How do you know that? Do you know who sent this to us!" Nora yelled pushing her face into Jaunes and glaring at him like a bad cop interrogating a suspect.

"What? No! They sound exactly the same except Vic's voice is faster and annoying." Jaune explained.

Weiss and Blake laughed, "it is annoying." Weiss said.

"Not to us." Yang gestured to her and Ruby. "Vic is just a higher pitched dad."

**Simmons: "Wow, that was a pretty good impression. Can you do Arnold Schwarzenegger? "Ah'll be bahck."**

Yang sighed at the reference she didn't get.

**Church: "That wasn't me. Uh, hello?"**

"Wait..." Weiss frowned.

**The screen cut to show Vic.**

**Vic: "Hello, come in Blood Gulch, can you hear me, hello, try the veal, hello."**

"Woah! This means that plot point isn't gone!" Weiss smiled.

Blake grinned too. "I know! Maybe they never even traveled to the future!"

"Yeah! Gary is a computer and Church is a ghost...maybe it was a simulation." Jaune suggested.

"That explains the vehicles being the same." Ren said. "Lopez never made it, it's an alien vehicle."

"Why would Gary lie? Why would he do that to Church?" Ruby asked.

"...no Idea." Jaune said. "But we can find out."

Everyone stared at the screen.

**Church: "What? V- Vic? Is that you? It's been eight hundred years, how have you survived so long?"**

**Vic: "No no hey dude, Vic's dead. This is Vic's great great great great great great great great-"**

**Simmons: "Asta la vista, baby!"**

**Church: "Shut up dude I'm on the phone!"**

**Vic: "-great great great great great great great great great great grandson... Vic Junior."**

"No." Weiss said. "No no no no! That cannot be it!"

Blake groaned. "It was so perfect."

Ren smiled, "Vic could be lying."

Weiss and Blake perked up.

"That is true." Blake mumbled scratching her chin.

"he is lying." Nora commented.

"how do you know?" Weiss asked.

"...He got a viscecto-whatever" Nora explained.

"oh yeah! I forgot about that joke." Jaune laughed.

Weiss and Blake smiled even wider.

"I'm so happy this plot-point is back!" Weiss said happily.

"Me too, play it" Blake ordered.

**Church: "And you work- and you work with Blue Command?"**

**Vic: "Hoh right dude, good one dude, "Blue Command."** _**Wink!"** _

"Hmmm." Ren hummed.

**Church: "Wait a minute, what, wait, what does that mean? What does that mean, does- is the war over? Did we win?"**

**Vic: "Dude, I got a lot to catch you up on"**

**The screen faded to black.**

"Next one!" Weiss and Blake yelled.

* * *

**My pm's/Reviews are open to**

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**-Reviews**

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**-Thanks!**


	72. S4E72 Getting Debriefed

**Author's Note:**

**I'm curious, does anyone think there is a Mary Sue/Gary Stew character in RWBY?**

**I don't really think there is but I do think Ruby's eyes are OP and if they are that powerful unless she loses them in season 7 all the fights against Grimm are pointless because she just has to think happy and stare at them. Yeah that's right, I hope Ruby loses her eyes Maria style.**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 72- Getting Debriefed**

" **Getting Debriefed" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight hummed the theme enthusiastically especially Weiss and Blake.

**Fade in to Grif talking to Sarge.**

**Grif: "You wanted ta, see me, Sarge?"**

**Sarge: "Yes Grif, I think it's time we buried the hatchet. Started workin' more closely together."**

Weiss and Blake stared at the screen in shock

Pyrrha smiled, "That's great, they're finally working together."

**Grif: "Say what? Isn't that like a sign of the apocalypse or something?"**

**Sarge: "As you know, I've** _ **never**_ **liked you. Not even a little bit."**

"He felt bad when he almost died." Pyrrha pointed out, "I think he secretly doesn't hate Grif."

"I think you're hoping for too much." Yang said laughing lightly.

"I still don't get why Tex and Church are ghosts but the other soldiers aren't." Weiss commented.

"The last thing I want is ghosts of those fanatics." Blake added.

Yang, Jaune, Ruby, and Nora laughed.

"That would be awesome!" Nora commented.

**Grif: "Really."**

**Sarge: "You've always been lazy, insubordinate, and I suspect that underneath that helmet, you're probably extremely ugly to boot!"**

"I really want to see what they look like." Jaune commented.

"Me too." Ruby added.

"I don't think we ever will." Ren said simply.

"Thanks for all the positivity." Yang said sarcastically.

Ren shook his head, "The show is in a video game, there's no way for them to show their faces." Ren explained.

Ruby and Blake sighed.

"If they describe them I can try drawing them." Blake commented gesturing to her notebook and pencils.

"Are you good at drawing?" Pyrrha asked.

"She's amazing!" Ruby smiled. "She can draw people amazingly, I can only draw weapons and armor, which is like drawing people. But better."

"It is way harder to draw people than armor." Blake pointed out.

"I know, which is why I can draw weapons and armor." Ruby said happily.

**Grif: "No argument here."**

"Make note of that Blake, Grif is ugly." Yang laughed.

"Very helpful." Blake said equally sarcastically.

**Sarge: "Over the years I've been so disappointed in your work, I've slowly stopped giving you things to do. Most days, I forget ya even exist."**

"That's harsh." Jaune commented.

**Grif: "Yeahhh, it's been a good run."**

**Sarge: "But I think we all need to realise that Simmons, is not comin' back. Red Team is just gonna have to make due with the few worthless soldiers we have left."**

**Grif: "Wait, didn't this start out as a pep talk?"**

Nora and Yang laughed.

**Sarge: "We may never know why Simmons left-"**

"He left because he got called crazy, got demoted, and betrayed by his teammates." Weiss commented.

"You made it sound a lot worse than it actually was." Blake pointed out.

"It is still pretty bad though." Pyrrha said.

**Grif: "Yeah, maybe he was overwhelmed by all the positive reinforcement you give out."**

**Sarge: "But the fact of the matter is we're at war! If we're gonna win this thing, we need to work together! We need to put aside our dis** _ **gusting**_ **laziness and our constant attempts to kill each other in our sleep."**

"That doesn't sound like Grif?" Ruby frowned.

"Grif is evil!" Nora gasped.

"I think Sarge was talking about himself." Ren pointed out.

**Grif: "I've never tried to kill you in your sleep."**

**Sarge: "Dammit Grif this is a compromise. I realise I'm gonna have to give up some things as well."**

"Well that makes Sarge sound pretty scary." Jaune commented.

"Yeah." Ruby agreed. "I would never be able to fall asleep again if I thought someone was going to kill me."

"I'm too light of a sleeper." Blake shrugged. "No one can sneak up on me while I'm sleeping."

"That sounds like a challenge." Yang grinned.

Blake sighed and motioned for Jaune to hit play.

**Cut to Simmons walking up to the Red base, with Donut standing on the portcullis? On top of the base, the ramparts.**

**Donut: "Halt! Who goes there?"**

Ruby smiled, "That reminds me of a fairytale."

Pyrrha smiled too, "It does."

Yang and Blake smiled too.

"I miss when fairy tales were interesting to me." Blake said staring off into space.

"My mom used to read me and all of my sisters fairytales." Jaune reminisced.

"I miss when I could read you fairy tales." Yang said to Ruby.

"...you can still do that." Ruby mumbled embarrassed.

Yang smiled, "I still have the fairy tale book." Yang said gesturing to her bunk. "When I found out you got accepted early I made sure to bring it."

Ruby rushed over to Yang and hugged her. "Awwwe you're the best sister ever!"

Ren and Nora smiled sadly at everyone. Nora never had parents to read her fairytales and Ren's died too early in his life.

**Simmons: "Donut, it's me."**

**Donut: "Oh right, you. Whadda** _ **you**_ **want?"**

 **Simmons: "I wanna talk to Sarge. I just found out some info. Wait, why'm I answering** _ **your**_ **questions?"**

**Simmons walks forward.**

**Donut: "I said hold it!"**

**Donut aims at Simmons**

"Does he still not know that's Simmons?" Ruby asked.

"I think so." Jaune answered.

**Simmons: "What's your problem, Donut?"**

**Donut: "Sarge told me not to let anyone in the base, and I'm pretty sure "anyone" includes the enemy."**

**Simmons: "I'm not the enemy."**

**Donut: "Oh please, you're dressed in blue! F.Y.I. there's kind of a theme around here. You're blue, I'm red."**

**Simmons: "More like pink."**

**Donut: "** _**I have a gun?"** _

**Simmons: "Okay, okay. I only dressed like this to trick the Blues."**

"What a liar." Jaune commented.

Weiss and Blake nodded.

"It is a good excuse though." Blake shrugged.

 **Donut: "** _ **You helped**_ **the Blues."**

**Simmons: "And fooled them."**

**Donut: "You knocked Sarge out. Twice!"**

**Simmons: "Once again Donut, to fool the Blues. ...And to work out some unresolved issues with father figures, but look just go ask Sarge, he knows it's me. Hell even** _ **Grif**_ **knows it's me."**

"Simmons has father issues, that explains a lot." Blake commented.

Weiss sighed, "Not the only one." She mumbled under her breath.

**Donut: "** _**Oh sure** _ **, everyone knows who you are but me."**

**Simmons: "No, the Blues don't know either."**

**Cut to Church and Sheila**

**Church: "Hey Sheila where'd that Simmons guy go that was spyin' on us?"**

**Sheila: "I don't know, why don't you go ask your new jeep?"**

Nora laughed, "I like this new sassy Sheila."

Yang laughed too, "me too."

**Cut back to the portcullis, Sarge walks up next to Donut**

**Sarge: "What's all this racket?"**

**Donut: "There's an enemy tryin' to get in to the base."**

**Sarge: "Where?"**

**Donut: "Right there."**

**Sarge: "...Where, behind Simmons?"**

**Simmons: "He means me, Sir."**

**Donut: "Ohhh,** _ **Simmons.**_ **Why didn't you tell me it was you?"**

"Idiot." Weiss laughed shaking her head.

 **Simmons: "Donut I** _ **did**_ **tell you it was me."**

 **Donut: "Well you didn't** _ **say**_ **it was you, you just kept saying "I'm me."**

"But that was answering him?" Ruby said confused.

"No but he just kept saying I'm me, that's not an answer." Blake pointed out.

"Yeah it is." Nora said siding with Ruby.

Blake sighed in frustration. "No. It isn't."

 **Simmons: "I** _ **am**_ **me."**

**Donut: "But you didn't say you were you. If you had said you were you instead of "I'm me," I would have known that you were you. You just kept saying you were me."**

"See?" Blake said gesturing to the screen.

"Blake, he's saying I'm me which is answering Donut when he asked. Because Simmons is Simmons." Ruby explained.

"But Donut didn't know Simmons was Simmons!" Blake argued.

"He should have! Simmons told him who he was!" Nora argued back.

"No he didn't! He just said I'm me, that's not an answer!" Blake argued back again.

"Blake it's two on one, you're wrong." Ruby pointed out gesturing to her and Nora.

"You can both be wrong, Weiss? Help me out here." Blake said pinching the bridge of her nose. "Please?"

"Donut didn't know Simmons was Simmons, saying I'm me isn't an answer. Simmons should have said. It's me Simmons." Weiss explained.

Ruby and Nora opened their mouths to speak but stopped.

"Ohhhhh" they chorused.

**Simmons: "That's because I'Ah'm me."**

**Cut to show Grif next to Sarge and Donut**

**Grif: "And thus ends another meeting of the pronoun club. Same time next week everybody."**

Ren, Weiss, and Blake chuckled.

**Simmons: "Well, now that we have that straightened out, I have some important information."**

**Sarge: "I don't want to hear it,** _**Blue** _ **."**

**Simmons: "What? This is valuable information about the war."**

"What info does he have? That the Blues have all the vehicles including a tank that is very real?" Weiss asked.

"More importantly, a tank that has real tank shells." Nora added.

**Sarge: "There's no such thing as valuable information, from a** _**traitor!"** _

"Traitors often have valuable information." Weiss commented, "Something Winter taught me."

**Simmons: "But Sir, I only did that because no one would believe me about the tank."**

**Donut: "Sarge, Simmons has issues with his father, that he displaces on you."**

"Good assessment." Blake nodded.

**Simmons: "No** _**Donut** _ **, that's why I punched Sarge in the face. I left the base because I wasn't fulfilling my undying need to please other people."**

"This is great characterization for Simmons." Ren commented.

"Undying need to please other people, that's a huge confidence problem." Pyrrha commented.

Blake nodded.

**Sarge: "Alright, enough. The next person who tells me about Simmons' feelings is gettin' Court-Martialed."**

Nora and Ruby laughed.

"His accent is so weird." Ruby commented.

"I love it." Nora added.

**Grif: "Simmons likes to go in the bathroom and cry while he punches the mirror. Well, I'll go pack mah bags... Nice workin' with you guys. Good luck with the Blues. It's been real."**

"Hmm, So Simmons clearly has issues with himself." Blake started. "Probably stemming from his father not giving him enough attention or Simmons never feeling like he made his father proud. Probably why he has an undying need to please others. Specifically authority figures or in his case, father figures." Blake explained.

Ren nodded, "That sounds right, I'm assuming Simmons was a nerdy kid, likely hates the way he looks which is also another explanation for him punching the Mirror and crying." Ren added.

"This all just makes me feel worse for Simmons." Jaune commented. "I- I kind of know what he feels like."

Pyrrha put a hand on Jaune's shoulder, comforting him. Jaune smiled as Ren and Nora did the same. "I have the best team ever."

Ruby, Yang, Blake, and Weiss smiled at Jaune but Ruby held up a finger.

"Actually I think I have the best team ever." Ruby said smiling at her teammates.

Jaune laughed, "Sometimes I wish we could all be just one huge team."

Ruby gasped, "Me too! We would be unstoppable."

"We could be a platoon." Weiss commented.

"Platoon sounds too military." Yang said shooting down the idea.

"What about Toon?" Blake suggested.

"That's just Platoon but shorter." Yang pointed out.

"It does sound better though." Nora commented.

"Toon it is then." Jaune smiled.

"How can we make a Toon name out of RWBYJNP and R?" Ruby asked.

"...We can think of one eventually." Jaune shrugged.

**Cut to Tucker and Caboose who's carrying Andy approaching Blue Base**

**Church: "Oh, look who's back, the conquering heroes, what's up guys?"**

Yang, Blake, and Weiss laughed.

"I'm starting to like Church"Weiss smiled. "Except for him being so mean to Simmons." Weiss added.

**Tucker: "Meh."**

**Church: "Hey where's Tex?"**

**Tucker: "Gone."**

**Church: "Where's the alien?"**

**Tucker: "Dead."**

**Church: "Well how'd the quest go?"**

"Kind of obvious." Blake laughed.

**Tucker: "Failed."**

**Church: "Yeah you know I, I probably didn't even have to ask that last question, did I."**

**Andy: "Eh I wouldn't say "failed," but these guys definitely screwed it up royally."**

"How?" Nora asked.

"It really wasn't their fault." Ruby said. "How could they have known Wyoming would be there."

"I'm still wondering about that, do you think he's the one who got the fanatics to work together?" Blake asked.

"That makes sense." Yang commented.

Pyrrha sighed, "I was hoping they had resolved their differences."

"Fanatics are rarely rational." Blake pointed out.

**Tucker: "What? We didn't do anything!"**

**Andy: "Ex** _**act** _ **ly. You let Tex do all the work and got the alien killed."**

"Oh, so that's how they royally screwed it up." Nora laughed.

**Tucker: "Yeah, but doing nothing is what we do. So, technically we didn't screw anything up."**

**Caboose: "It's true, I have a first place ribbon in doing nothing. It's the same ribbon as last place. It's purple."**

Pyrrha laughed, "Caboose is still my favorite."

**Church: "Well is Tex okay?"**

**Tucker: "She's fine. None of us are** _ **that**_ **lucky. She chased after Wyoming."**

**Church: "Tex?"**

**Tucker: "Yeah."**

**Church: "** _**Wyoming?"** _

**Tucker: "Yes."**

**Caboose: "Massachusetts."**

"Hmm, another state." Ren mumbled. "I'm still wondering if Mexico and America are states."

"Probably are." Weiss said.

**Tucker: "Seriously, stop it."**

**Church: "Tucker, why didn't you tell me this?"**

**Tucker: "Tell you when, we just** _ **got**_ **here."**

**Church: "Yeah but you've been wasting my time gabbing about your stupid failed quest."**

"But he asked?" Ruby frowned.

**Andy: "Eh, I really wouldn't say "failed" here..."**

**Tucker: "This conversation's stupid, and I'm hungry, where's the food."**

**Church: "Listen, any time you have new information for me, just tell it to me as quickly as possible. Okay?"**

**Tucker: "Well here's one short, blanket statement that covers all future situations: We,** _**suck."** _

Weiss and Blake laughed.

 **Church: "I said** _ **new**_ **information."**

**Tucker: "Don't we have anything to eat in this place"**

**The screen faded to black.**

"Tucker is starting to sound like Grif." Yang commented.

"I'm hungry." Nora said rubbing her stomach.

Ren smiled and got up.

Nora smiled, "Awww, thanks Renny!"

* * *

**Edit: Next chapter may be messed up, problems with fanfiction not updating the chapter.**


	73. S4E73 Under the Weather

**Author's Note:**

**Hey just wanted to put this out there, if anyone who is good at drawing, art, etc would like to make a cover image for this Fic I would love it. As long as it doesn't look like my chicken scratch and relates to the Fic is some way then it'll be great.**

**Thanks for all the Toon name suggestions! RenegadeForLife won, his Toon name was the best.**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls.**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 73- Under the Weather**

" **Under the Weather" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight hummed the theme except Ren who was grabbing Nora a snack.

**Fade in to Blue Base, with Tucker moaning as he often does**

**Tucker: "Uuuuuuuhuuugh... Uuuuuuhhh oooooooohgaawwwwd.."**

"Is Tucker sick or something?" Nora asked as Ren handed her a bowl of Pumpkin Petes.

"Sounds like it." Jaune commented.

"He sounds terrible." Pyrrha added shaking her head.

**Church: "Man, he sounds** _**terrible** _ **."**

"Jinx." Ruby commented to herself quietly.

**Caboose: "Yeah, he's been like that since the swamp."**

Weiss frowned and lifted a hand up in confusion "No he hasn't?"

"Hmm, maybe he has Swamp fever." Pyrrha said scratching her chin in thought. "Maybe Malaria? No the armor..."

"Wouldn't the armor also keep him safe from Swamp fever?" Blake asked.

"That's a good point." Pyrrha praised.

**Church: "Swamp, you guys were in a swamp?"**

**Caboose: "Yeah. It was dark and swampy. I wasn't scared at all."**

**Church: "Is this why you guys came home so fast?"**

"No the quest failed miserably." Weiss laughed.

"Ohh! I just thought of a great toon name!" Nora shouted. "BRPNJWRY Brown Pink Jewelry."

Everyone stared at her for a second before shaking their heads.

Nora huffed. "Well you think of a better one!"

"What about team RASPBRVY Rasberry, using Jaune's, Weiss's, and Nora's last name." Pyrrha suggested.

"You can't use last names?" Ruby said confused. "Can you?"

"Team JNPR used Ren's last name." Jaune pointed out. "Remember?"

"Oh yeah I forgot your first name is Lie, no one ever calls you it, only Ren." Ruby said.

Ren chuckled, "Lie isn't a very good name for first impressions. For some reason people think I will lie to them."

"Idiots." Yang shook her head. "Hey? What about JAWBRNPRY Jawbreakn' Pray"

"That sounds awesome!" Nora shouted.

"No" Jaune and Ruby said at the exact same time.

"Ohh! What about BNJPWYRR Banjo Power?" Jaune suggested.

"Absolutely not." Weiss said shooting him down.

"What about Toon RRAYNNBW Rainbow? Using Jaune and Pyrrha's last name." Blake suggested.

"...Yeah I like it." Ruby smiled.

"I don't think we can come up with any better ones." Yang shrugged.

Everyone nodded and agreed.

"...so who leads it?" Nora asked innocently.

Everyone was silent.

Blake groaned and put her head in her hands.

"Before everyone starts arguing-" Jaune started.

"Me!" Nora yelled.

"No no no Me!" Ruby yelled.

"You are already Team leader I can be Toon leader!" Yang yelled.

"What about second in command?" Ruby asked.

"I want to lead now!" Yang yelled.

More arguments ensued until Blake put two fingers to who mouth and blew a very high pitched whistle.

"Ahhgh!" Yang yelled holding her ears.

"That hurt!" Ruby whined.

"How about we just hold a competition for that too?" Blake asked.

"How would we do that?" Ruby asked.

"Why would we hold a competition for a fake leadership role?" Weiss asked.

"We thank you for your forfeit Weiss." Yang smirked.

"I'm not forfeiting!" Weiss yelled.

"I am though, I forfeit the second in command competition I'm going for gold!" Nora yelled. "Toon leader Nora! Queen of the Toon!"

"Ruby and Jaune shouldn't be allowed to compete." Weiss stated.

"What why?" Ruby huffed.

"Because you're already team leaders." Weiss pointed out.

"That's fair." Jaune said.

"So who wants to compete for Toon leader then?" Ruby asked.

Weiss, Yang, and Nora raised their hands.

"What about second in command?" Jaune asked. "Is that still happening for your team?"

"Yeah." Ruby said. "I have an Idea, Blake do you still want to compete in the second in command competition?"

"No. After the dance I don't want to wear a dress again, and there's not really a point, we all know everyone is just competing for ego points." Blake shrugged.

"And I'm gonna win them!" Yang yelled pumping a fist.

Weiss sighed.

"So my idea is, since it's just Nora, Yang, and Weiss competing. If Nora wins I'll pick whoever came in second place. And if Yang or Weiss wins I'll just pick the other." Ruby explained.

"What about second in command for your team?" Blake asked Jaune.

"Oh we don't need a competition." Jaune explained. "We don't really need a second in command but if I had to pick anyone it would be Pyrrha." Jaune gestured to Pyrrha.

"Thanks Jaune." Pyrrha smiled.

"So, that now means we can have five judges." Weiss pointed out. "The three of us compete and you five judge us."

"That sounds good." Jaune nodded.

Everyone nodded in agreement.

"Toon RRAYNNBW, I like it a lot, can't wait to be leader." Yang smirked.

"Over my dead body." Weiss glared at Yang.

"I can arrange that because I will be queen!" Nora said happily.

"Instead of calling the winner leader how about we call them Captain or something." Jaune suggested.

"If I win you will all call me queen." Nora pointed out.

"Unless Nora wins." Jaune shrugged.

"Actually Queen has a nice ring to it." Yang smiled.

"I like it more than heiress." Weiss added.

Jaune sighed, "Fine whoever wins will be Queen of Toon Rainbow."

All three contestants grinned.

**Caboose: "No, we came home because the alien died, eyand because the uh glowing sword turned out to be a uh glowing key."**

**Church: "Yeah a glowing key that can still** _ **stab**_ **people."**

"Hmm, I've been trying to think of a name for the sword when I get it." Jaune commented.

"Why don't you just wait for them to name it?" Yang asked.

"I don't think they will, so what do you all think of KeyBlade?" Jaune asked.

"...sounds Badass." Yang grinned.

Pyrrha laughed, "What Yang said, it sounds like an excellent name."

**Caboose: "Right."**

**Church: "So it** _ **is**_ **a sword. It just happens to function like a key in very specific situations."**

**Caboose: "Or it's a key all the time, and when you stick it in people, it unlocks their death."**

Pyrrha smiled at Caboose's line.

**Church: "God damn man, I would love to live in your world for about ten minutes."**

"I would too." Yang commented. "I would love to live just a day in the mind of someone extremely stupid."

"Hey!" Pyrrha yelled offended at Yang.

"No no no, I don't mean Caboose." Yang said quickly. "But think about it, if you're that stupid everyday would be like a whole new world."

"Sounds like a drug." Weiss commented.

**Caboose: "Yeah. I have a really good time."**

**Church: "Ehehehyeah, it seems like it. You know I don't think I'd get anything done, but I probably wouldn't care that much."**

**Tucker: "Uuuuuhhhhhhhoh..."**

**Church: "Hey Tucker, you okay?"**

**Tucker: "Ohh, why don't you guys come in here?"**

"Not a good idea, most illnesses associated with Swamps are highly contagious, I lived in Argus most my life but I've been to southern mistral and Swamp sickness is not pretty." Pyrrha explained.

**Church: "Uh, because it might be contagious? Aaand because we've got to think about the health of the unit as a whole. I came up with that pretty fast."**

**Caboose: "And because you threw up ten minutes ago! And that's just gross!"**

**Church: "Hey wait a second, you don't think that sword-"**

**Caboose: "You mean the key?"**

**Church: "No I mean the sword. You don't suppose that sword is makin' him sick, do you?"**

"Hope not." Jaune groaned.

**Caboose: "I don't see how, it hasn't sneezed once."**

**Church: "We don't know anything about it though. Maybe it runs on radiation and it's poisoning him."**

"Don't worry Jaune, The sword won't be radiated at all." Weiss assured.

**Caboose: "Or, maybe it runs on solar power!"**

Weiss perked up at that.

**Church: "Wait now- why would solar power make him sick?"**

"It shouldn't." Weiss mumbled.

**Caboose: "Is he a Republican?"**

"What?" Jaune said confused.

"Hmm, sounds political." Ren commented.

"Why would solar power be political?" Yang asked.

Weiss sighed, "Everything is political somehow."

"Do you think my sword could run on solar power?" Jaune asked.

Weiss shook her head. "No, Atlas doesn't have Solar power technology because of the SDC and my father. And even if Ruby tried I don't think any of us could figure it out. Because if it was that easy everyone would be using it." Weiss explained.

"I could figure it out!" Ruby yelled.

"Yeah...in about forty years." Weiss laughed.

Ruby huffed and hit play on Jaune's scroll.

**Cut to a great view of Blue Simmons through the opening of the ramp, flanked by Grif and Donut still on top of red base.**

**Simmons: "Okay listen guys, do you want important information about the war or don't you?"**

**Grif: "I don't know man, this is a pretty exclusive club we've got here. If we let** _ **one**_ **blue guy in, we might have to let the** _ **next**_ **one in, and the next one, and then there goes the neighbourhood."**

Blake groaned, "I remember some humans saying the say thing about letting Faunus in their district."

Weiss shook her head and groaned as did most of the others.

**Donut: "Yeah, pretty soon we'll have to let in** _**women** _ **. And who wants them?"**

Weiss and Blake frowned.

**Grif: "Hhyeah, then we'd be talking about interior decorating and reality T.V. shows all day. No thanks."**

"Women are nothing like that." Weiss growled.

"I dunno." Yang shrugged, "I know plenty of girls who are exactly like that."

Nora shrugged, "Women, am I right?"

**Donut: "Grif, it kinda ruins my point when you just mention the good stuff."**

"That stuff is boring." Ruby commented.

"Reality TV shows are the worst." Blake added.

**Simmons: "I'm sure the Blues are using the information right now to plot an attack against us."**

**Cut to Blue Base, and something that sounds remarkably similar to Tucker throwing up.**

**Tucker: "Huuhhhgghh"**

**Church: "That better have been in your bucket!"**

**Caboose: "I'll get the mop."**

Everyone except Ren cringed.

"Ugh" Yang cringed remembering the day she met Jaune.

Jaune blushed but to his luck no one mentioned anything.

**Cut back to Grif on Red base**

**Grif: "Well you can forget it. You heard Sarge, there's** _ **no way**_ **we're letting you in the base dressed like that."**

**Donut: "Seriously, the blue and red thing is so last year."**

**Cut to Simmons back in full red armor**

**Simmons: "Well how 'bout this?"**

"Huh?" Ruby stared at the screen.

Nora gasped.

**Grif: "How did you change so fast?"**

**Simmons: "I've always been a fast changer. I'm very shy."**

"Super speed!" Nora gasped.

**Grif: "Is that why you wear your underwear in the shower, too?"**

"How could anyone be that shy?" Yang asked.

"We have to be." Weiss groaned, "Or at least I have to be after the shower incident."

"You're still making a big deal out of that? It was nothing!" Yang yelled.

"Yang has no concept of privacy." Ruby commented thinking of many many _many_ past examples.

"Didn't we talk about the shower incident before?" Jaune asked.

"Yeah, I went in to use the bathroom while Weiss was showering which is completely fine and normal." Yang explained.

"I agree, it's understandable. What happened next was not." Weiss glared at Yang.

"I saw fog on the shower door so I decided to write a message-" Yang started.

"No no no." Weiss cut her off. "You were making a peephole."

"No I wasn't!" Yang yelled.

"I thought you took cold showers?" Ruby asked. "Every time I go in after you I have to wait five minutes just for the water to heat up."

"I've taken cold showers ever since The incident so it couldn't happen again." Weiss smirked.

"But wouldn't that mean there would be no fog at all? And it would be even easier to see?" Blake pointed out.

Weiss's grin fell and she facepalmed.

"I was still just writing a message." Yang argued.

**Simmons: "I also never use the bathroom at the base. Only at home."**

**Grif: "Dude, we've been stationed here for like three years."**

Ruby cringed.

**Simmons: "Yeah, it's gonna be a very eventful homecoming."**

"That is disgusting." Weiss groaned.

Ruby gagged, and so did Jaune.

"Bucket?" Nora asked grabbing the trashcan.

Ruby shook her head but Jaune nodded.

**Cut to Church looking down on Andy not because he believes he's better, but because he's significantly taller**

**Church: "Andy, what in the hell happened to Tucker in this little adventure you guys took?"**

**Andy: "How should I know?"**

**Caboose: "He ate all my food and just threw it up. Coulda just thrown it on the floor, 'n' cut out the middle man."**

Pyrrha laughed.

**Church: "Yeah plus now he's moody as hell. I went to ask him if he's feelin' better and he practically bit my goddamn head off."**

Jaune frowned, these symptoms sounded familiar.

**Caboose: "I bet he just would have thrown up your head later. And then you could just put it right back on, it'd be fine."**

**Andy: "He was fine on the trip, maybe he's allergic to** _ **you**_ **. I know** _ **I**_ **get nauseous when I look at ya."**

**Church: "Did you guys come in contact with anything weird, like any strange plants or animals er, like superflu viruses er, porn stars?"**

"How would they come in contact with porn stars?" Nora asked.

"People shoot Porn vids in really weird places." Yang explained.

Weiss just shook her head.

 **Andy: "Oh yeah, there's** _ **one**_ **thing I forgot to mention. We invaded a secret biological warfare lab, run by porn stars. Tucker licked all the petri dishes, even though we told him not to. Then he got thirsty, so he drank everything in the test tubes. You think that had anything to do with it?"**

**Caboose: "I'm pretty sure that didn't actually happen. I would have remembered that part."**

**Andy: "Aw come on, you're surprised he's sick? I've never seen the guy wash his hands, not once! One time I saw him pick his nose at the pay phone."**

**Church: "I'm just worried, man, who knows if this stuff is contagious? For all we know Caboose could be next. Wake up tomorrow morning** _ **he's**_ **throwin' up, runnin' a huge fever, next thing you know he's bleeding out of his eyes 'cause his internal organs are liquifying. And I'm gonna be the one that has to hold his hand while he screams himself to death. That's not gonna be any fun."**

"That sounds horrible." Pyrrha shook her head.

"I know." Nora shivered.

Ruby shook her head trying not to think about it.

**Caboose: "I'm gonna go take a vitamin."**

**Church: "Oh don't bother, it's too late for you anyway. We need to start thinking about** _**me** _ **."**

**Andy: "Tell ya what. Send me in, and I'll run clean-up. Don't worry about it, I'll take care of everything."**

**Church: "Andy, I am not letting you blow up the base."**

**Andy: "Comon, just a** _ **little**_ **explosion! Five, ten megatons tops. Aya all your scary germs will be gone. Nothin' left but the** _ **cockroaches!**_ **Germ free cockroaches."**

"They have that myth too?" Ren asked surprised.

**Caboose: "But then Tucker will be dead too."**

**Andy: "See? It's the perfect plan!"**

**Church: "No, but that does give me a good idea.** _ **Technically**_ **, you can't get sick. So why don't we send** _ **you**_ **in there to take care of Tucker, you can figure out what's wrong and report back to us."**

"Church can't get sick either." Weiss pointed out.

"I know it's so annoying, he could seriously be invincible." Yang pointed out. "And so could tex."

**Andy: "I ain't no nurse. I go in there, all you're gonna get, is an explosion. You want a medical diagnosis, go see a doctor."**

**Church: "What did you just say?"**

**Andy: "I said you don't need me. Ya need a doctor."**

"O'Malley..." Ren mumbled.

**Caboose: "Please don't do it."**

**At an evil lair, somewhere nearby...**

**The sound of a phone ringing**

**O'Malley: "For the love of evil, someone get the phone!"**

**Lopez: "¿Por qué no lo llevarle tas usted?"**

**Caption: Why don't you get it?**

**O'Malley: "You fool! Can't you see I'm busy with an evil plot? What do I pay you for?"**

**Lopez: "Para limpiar después de sus diagramas fallados."**

**Caption: To clean up after all your failed plots.**

"Burn!" Yang laughed.

**O'Malley: "Oh shut up you fool. You don't even have a body."**

**Lopez: "Sí. Debido de sus diagramas fallados."**

**Caption: Yes. Because of one of your failed plots.**

**Doc: "Why all this bickering? Can't we all just get along?"**

**O'Malley: "And answer the damn phone!"**

**Lopez: "¿Por qué tenemos tantos mils máquinas apocalíptica, para no tenemos máquina del contestar la teléfono?"**

**Caption: Why do we have a million doomsday devices and no answering machine?**

**O'Malley: "I find you far too sarcastic for just a head"**

**The screen faded to black.**

"Next one." Ruby ordered.

* * *

**So who do you all want to be Queen of Toon Rainbow? I already have them picked out as well as the second in command for RWBY. Your vote doesn't matter I'm just curious to see who you all want.**

**So votes are for Nora, Yang, and Weiss but remember, your vote doesn't count. Consider this a dictatorship in a 3rd world country and you all are "Voting" for your next president.**


	74. S4E74 Right to Remain Silenced

**Author's Note:**

**Hope you all enjoy the chapter and big thanks to everyone for all the support, thank you for all your votes and predictions, they meant nothing in the CeruleanLancer dictatorship.**

**Now for something that does matter, what are questions you want the characters to answer about the show? Every season finale I have them review the season kind of so what do you want them to answer?**

**Stuff like Favorite team, favorite character(s), favorite moment, favorite etc etc. stuff like that.**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 74- Right to Remain Silenced**

**"Right to Remain Silenced" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight hummed the theme.

"Right to remain silenced?" Ruby read off the screen.

"Hmm, sounds like a law we have in Vale." Ren mumbled. "If you're taken in by the VPD you are allowed to stay quiet and not answer any questions."

"Why?" Ruby asked.

"Because the police can't torture you." Ren explained.

"...oh." Ruby mumbled.

"I wish I could say I was surprised with O'Malley and Lopez being alive but...The fanatics and Wyoming survived the blast so O'Malley can survive a beating from an alien." Weiss commented.

"Plus Tucker survived a beating from the alien too." Yang added.

**Fade in to Red Base**

**Simmons: "Sarge, finally, I need to tell you what the Blues are planning."**

"Which is nothing." Weiss pointed out.

"The only semi-valuable information Simmons has is that Vic is still around, or if he's telling the truth it's his great grandson." Ren explained.

"He could be telling the truth, most guys freeze sperm before a vasectomy." Yang explained.

"Good point." Weiss praised.

"Aww you didn't call me weird or get mad at me." Yang said putting her hands over her heart.

"Well you didn't make it weird." Weiss explained.

Yang mock saluted Weiss.

"With Vic coming back I wonder what it means." Blake wondered aloud.

"Well, everything about Vic, Wyoming, Tucker's attempted assassination, the Red and Blue's reason for being in blood gulch is relevant again." Ren summarized.

"I still think it's an experiment, or entertainment." Weiss commented.

Blake nodded, "I agree, the Freelancers confuse me though, and so does the entire prophecy plot."

"Why do the freelancers confuse you?" Ruby asked.

"Because they don't really fit into the experiment or entertainment theory. Unless...freelancers all got AI right?" Blake asked.

"I remember it being mentioned, yes." Ren answered.

"Then maybe Freelancers are experiments for how people react to AI." Blake theorized.

"But then what about the alien and the prophecy?" Weiss asked.

"No idea." Blake sighed.

"I think it's just to be funny" Nora shrugged.

"But there are serious moments, like when Tex died." Jaune pointed out.

Nora just shrugged.

**Sarge: "I thought I told you idiots not to let this traitorous scumbag in the base!"**

**Simmons: "Good to see you too Sir."**

**Grif: "We didn't let him in the base."**

Everyone stared at the screen in confusion.

**Sarge: "** _**He's standing right here."** _

**Grif: "Well obviously he penetrated the defensive protocol that me and Private Donut established."**

Weiss sighed, "this'll be rich."

**Simmons: "Defense protocol? You asked me what the password was."**

**Grif: "And you knew it."**

**Simmons: "** _**I guessed it** _ **. By the way, the password was 'password."**

Jaune groaned, "little tip for everyone here, never have your password be password ever."

Ruby, Yang, and Nora blushed and brought out their scrolls.

"Also never have any two passwords be the same, and make them complicated, and have them written down, in paper, in more than one place, and-" Jaune started.

"We don't need a lesson in common sense." Weiss snapped.

"Weiss, a lot of people need that lesson." Blake pointed out.

Jaune laughed, "My sister is a tech genius, compared to all of us I think her wife is the actual genius but whatever. Saphron even showed us how to avoid all spam messages and emails."

"Is there a way to avoid those annoying fucking robo calls!" Yang yelled as her eyes flashed red for a split second.

"You get those too!" Weiss asked. "I thought I did something!"

"No everyone gets them." Ren groaned.

"And sadly I don't know any way to avoid them." Jaune sighed, "for emails it's easy. Just have alternate email accounts for non important stuff. So you don't get bombarded with spam."

Everyone groaned.

"I get five spam calls a day." Ruby complained.

"I got ten in one day once." Pyrrha sighed, "No fans know my phone number but these scam calls affect everyone."

"The most annoying thing ever." Jaune complained.

Everyone nodded.

**Grif: "It's so obvious, it's impossible to guess!"**

"It's so easy, it's the first thing hackers try." Jaune groaned.

**Sarge: "Diabolical."**

**Simmons: "A password should contain at least one number, and one letter. For example, your password would be 2dumb2live."**

Jaune and Yang laughed.

**Sarge: "Excellent burn."**

**Simmons: "Thank you Sir."**

**Sarge: "Traitor."**

**Simmons: "Dammit."**

**Sarge: "Grif's stupidity aside, I'm not speaking with you until we punish your insubordination and treason."**

"The real punishment is to be kicked out of the army or jail time for treason." Weiss commented.

**Simmons: "How about I just trade you the information that I learned from the Blues?"**

**Sarge: "No! We have to have a trial. Right here, right now."**

**Simmons: "What? We don't even have a judge."**

"How are we judging again?" Jaune asked.

"Rating out of ten." Ruby answered.

"I already know I'm a ten!" Yang said smirking.

"...you already made that joke." Blake pointed out.

"Oh...I thought no one heard me because no one laughed." Yang explained.

Ruby and Weiss snorted while Blake burst out laughing.

Yang huffed and crossed her arms. "Fuck you guys." She mumbled under her breath before chuckling.

**Sarge: "Inaffirmative. In my civilian life, I worked as a judge for many years."**

"That's scary." Weiss commented.

"I feel bad for every defendant that was in his court." Blake added.

**Grif: "What level? Municipal? Federal?"**

Ren started scribbling in his notes.

**Sarge: "Livestock. And occasionally agriculture. Now let's find out if Simmons is guilty of treason or best in breed."**

**Simmons: "I don't recognize the authority of this court."**

"Yeah I doubt that's a real court." Weiss commented.

**Sarge: "No-one cares what a convicted criminal thinks."**

**Simmons: "But aren't I innocent until you prove me guilty?"**

"Hmm, we also have something similar to that." Ren mumbled.

"I just wish more people would recognize that." Jaune commented.

"Mob justice is a horrible thing." Pyrrha commented angrily. "It's the worst for celebrities or cases where the internet gets involved. Everyone voices their opinion and doesn't think."

Weiss laughed full of mirth. "I almost tripped once at a concert and immediately people started theories that I was hiding an injury or that I was on drugs."

Pyrrha shook her head. "I know how you feel, I dropped Milo once and since I didn't want to advertise my semblance I let it fall and all of the sudden everyone started talking about how I was losing my edge."

"That sounds horrible." Ruby commented.

"Yeah, being famous and rich is a true tragedy." Blake commented sarcastically.

Yang snickered at Blake's comment.

Weiss and Pyrrha laughed lightly.

"I guess I shouldn't be complaining." Pyrrha commented.

"Me neither." Weiss shrugged.

"Nope, just because your problems aren't as big as other peoples, it doesn't mean they're still not your problems." Ruby explained.

"Good point." Weiss praised.

Blake just huffed.

**Sarge: "Nonsense! Why would we waste time having trials for innocent people? That would be a waste of resources."**

"That's the whole point of a trial, to decide whether someone is innocent or guilty." Ruby pointed out.

"Guilty!" Nora yelled. "I will not be a kind queen." Nora smirked evilly. "The mad Queen."

Ren sighed.

**Simmons: "But I'm not guilty until you hold trial and convict me."**

**Sarge: "So you admit it's a foregone conclusion!"**

"What?" Weiss asked.

**Simmons: "No- wait, I mean no- yes-no, that was right, I think."**

**Grif: "Okay, this is officially more boring than any of the other times I've been to court. Permission to sigh and walk away Sir?"**

**Sarge: "Permission denied. If you leave, Simmons won't have anybody to defend him!"**

"Their courts seem to be much like ours." Ren commented.

**Simmons: "Whowowowhoa wait a second, I prefer to defend myself."**

"That's never really a good idea." Ren commented.

**Sarge: "I knew you'd say that, and as the old saying goes, a person who chooses to defend himself, has a fool for a lawyer. And that fool is Grif."**

"A person who chooses to defend himself has a fool for a lawyer, a great quote." Ren commented writing it down.

**Grif: "Who's the prosecution?"**

**Sarge: "Why** _ **I**_ **am of course."**

"That is highly unfair." Weiss commented.

Ren nodded, "And illegal."

 **Simmons: "You're the judge** _ **and**_ **the prosecutor? That's a conflict of interest."**

"Hmm, conflict of interest. I like that one too." Ren commented writing it down.

**Sarge: "I object to that as speculative. And I also sustain my own objection."**

"Speculation...thats not speculation." Ren commented.

**Grif: "Uh, we'd like to enter a plea."**

"Hmm?" Ren hummed thinking.

**Simmons: "What?"**

**Grif: "Look it's only a matter of time before Donut finds out we're having this trial."**

**Sarge: "I'm listening."**

**Grif: "Well, if you're the judge and the DA, and I'm the defense, you** _ **know**_ **Donut's gonna wanna be the bailiff, and that means he's gonna wanna wear the cop uniform with the short shorts."**

"Men in short shorts, mmm." Yang commented.

Weiss, Ruby, and Blake groaned.

**Simmons: "Uhh, Officer Hot-pants."**

Yang started laughing.

**Grif: "Exactly. And I think we can all remember that dance routine from Sarge's birthday party."**

**Cut to Grif and Simmons from the past looking at an enormous cake**

**Simmons: "Oh my God, that cake is huge! It's big enough to fit a person in it."**

Yang started laughing even more.

**Grif: "Why does the cake smell like baby oil? Oh God, where's Donut?!"**

**Cut back to Law & Order**

**Sarge: "Hrh, okay. We'll commute Simmons' sentence in favour of time served."**

"Hmm, I think we're getting a great look at how they handle law." Ren commented. "Except for the judge also being the prosecutor."

**Grif: "With time off for good behavior."**

Ren continued to scribble in his notes.

**Sarge: "No-one wants a messy trial."**

**Grif: "I also think he should pay a hefty fine, which we can split."**

"Grif is actually a good lawyer, he seemed to handle things well. Except for splitting the fine. That's illegal." Ren commented.

"Grif is actually pretty smart, he just has no drive to do anything." Pyrrha commented.

"Because he's lazy." Yang laughed.

**Sarge: "Agreed."**

**Simmons: "But I didn't do anything."**

**Grif: "You just keep your mouth shut. And don't talk to the Press."**

"Good advice." Weiss and Pyrrha said.

**Donut: "Hey, what's goin' on in there?"**

**Sarge, Grif and Simmons: "Nothing!"**

**Cut and pan down to O'Malley doing his thing**

**O'Malley: "Huhahahahahaah, now be careful. Don't give away our position with maniacal laughing. We don't know what to expect from these fools. This could all be an elaborate trap! And we don't want to be caught off-guard."**

**Doc: "You** _ **mean**_ **get caught in a trap before we have a chance to spring** _ **our**_ **trap."**

**O'Malley: "Precisely you fool, now shut up. At least we have a lookout. Lopez! What do you see up there?"**

**Cut to show Lopez's head on top of a rock.**

**Lopez: "Nada mucho. Como siempre."**

**Caption: Nothing much. Just like always.**

Ren smiled, "I understood three of those words without needing the subtitles."

"Impressive." Pyrrha commented.

"My Renny is super smart!" Nora smiled.

**Lopez: "Esta lugar respira."**

**Caption: Man, this place sucks.**

**O'Malley: "I haven't been here in some time, which one is the Blue Base?"**

**Doc: "It's the blue one."**

**O'Malley: "Hou yes. They're really thinking outside the box with the design. Hmm, it's quiet, too quiet."**

"Typical movie cliche." Jaune commented.

**A sniper shot rings by O'Malley's head**

**O'Malley: "Now suddenly it's too loud. I preferred it when it was quiet."**

**Church: "Alright hold it right there!"**

Ruby gasped, "wow he actually took a great shot."

"He missed." Nora pointed out.

"It was a warning shot." Ruby smiled.

**Lopez: "Yo a veo un hombre. Tiene un arma."**

**Caption: I see someone now. I think he has a gun.**

"No kidding." Yang laughed.

**O'Malley: "Yes I see that, thank you for keeping us informed, you moron."**

**Church: "Yeah that was just a warning shot O'Malley. You make any funny moves, the next one's gonna go right in the middle of your visor."**

**Caboose: "You think you can make that shot from here?"**

**Church: "Uh, probably not, I was actually trying to hit him that time. I swear to God I think somebody fucks with the sights on this thing when I'm not lookin'."**

Ruby groaned while Yang laughed.

"I used to love doing that to you." Yang laughed.

"I couldn't figure out why I was missing!" Ruby yelled. "All because What? I ate a cookie?"

"You ate all of them! I just wanted one but as soon as Dad brought them out you ate them!" Yang yelled.

Jaune laughed watching the sibling rivalry between the two. It made him miss his sisters.

**O'Malley: "I knew it! This was just some elaborate scheme to lure us in to an ambush!"**

**Church: "First of all, I don't know if calling you on the phone and inviting you over? I don't know if that qualifies as an elaborate scheme. And secondly,** _ **we're not ambushing you.**_ **We just wanna lay down some ground rules for your visit."**

**O'Malley: "I'm not very big on rules, you know."**

**Doc: "It's true! We had this system back at the evil lair where we each clean on different days, but I always end up doing it!"**

"See! That is exactly how we feel." Weiss yelled gesturing to her and Blake.

"But see? You both always clean on different days." Yang pointed out grinning.

"You two never clean!" Weiss yelled.

Ren, Pyrrha, and Jaune sighed and looked over to Nora, who also never cleaned.

**O'Malley: "Oh shut up!"**

**Doc: "And he always leaves the milk out!"**

Weiss and Blake groaned again.

**O'Malley: "You fool! Be quiet."**

**Doc: "And don't even get me started on the phone bill."**

**Church: "Hey Doc, I see you're still swimmin' around in that head somewhere too."**

**Doc: "Well it's not the ideal situation, but any relationship requires work if you-"**

"I'm glad he's so positive about it." Pyrrha smiled.

**O'Malley: "You fool! This isn't a relationship, I'm just using your body to fulfill my evil plans. When we're done, I'm going to throw your rotting carcus in to a swamp, and let the beasts feed on your entrails, huhuhuhuhahahahaa."**

Pyrrha grimaced thinking of the swamps of Mistral.

**Doc: "I love you too buddy."**

**O'Malley: "Oh shut up."**

**Church: "Well don't get any bright ideas about jumping in to anyone else today, O'Malley. We've all got our radios off, and we've all got our minds cleared. We're not thinking about anything.(looks over to Caboose) For some of us that was easier than others."**

**Caboose: "I just finished thinking about something, and didn't start thinking about anything else."**

Pyrrha laughed.

**Church: "So here's how this is gonna work: You're gonna come in, you're gonna take a look at Tucker, you're gonna tell us what's wrong, and then you're gonna leave."**

**O'Malley: "Hmm, and what do** _ **we**_ **get?"**

**Church: "Whaddaya want. And I should warn you, Tex is not here. So if you have any cute ideas for her, don't bother."**

**Doc: "Well a standard physical usually requires a twenty dollar co-pay. Hey, ask him what kind of health insurance plan they have."**

"I still don't get why Church couldn't go in and check, dead people can't get sick." Weiss pointed out.

"Maybe he didn't want to, it's a great excuse." Yang shrugged.

**O'Malley: "You fool, let me negotiate. We want something from you, but we're not going to tell you what it is, until we need it! Huhuhuhuahahahaha."**

"That's a terrible deal to agree too." Blake commented.

"Never agree to a deal without knowing the stakes." Ruby quoted. "Uncle Qrow is wise sometimes."

"Because he made so many mistakes." Yang laughed.

 **Church: "** _ **No way,**_ **I'm not agreeing to something without knowing what it is!"**

 **O'Malley: "Huhuhuhuhuhuhoh yes you will. You will or your little friend Tucker will die, die a most** _ **horrible**_ **death. And you know his blood will be on your hands. Years from now, you'll drive yourself mad wondering, if there was anything you could have done to save him, so you** _ **will**_ **agree to what I want. You will agree even though what I want is something mysterious. What I want is something** _ **frightening.**_ **What I want is something** _ **pure evil, aaahahahahahahahahaaa!**_ **I've also been told that a twenty dollar co-pay is pretty much standard."**

"He likes to hear himself talk, wow that was a speech." Yang commented.

"I don't want Tucker to die." Ruby commented.

"I don't think he will, I recognize those symptoms from somewhere..." Jaune commented. "Puking, anger, moans of pain."

"Those are very common symptoms." Blake pointed out.

"I know I know, but still." Jaune said.

**Church: "Alright, fine."**

**O'Malley: "Hah, huhaha you fool, and we want the twenty dollars up front!"**

**Church: "** _**Fine!"** _

**O'Malley: "And in cash..."**

**Church: "** _**Oh whatever!"** _

**O'Malley: "Ah you moron! If you'd used a credit card you could have gotten airline miles! Or at least a thirty day grace period with no interest. You fiscally irresponsible fools!"**

"Why would...what? Airline miles I'm confused." Weiss commented.

"No idea." Ren shrugged.

**Church: "Caboose, give me twenty dollars. Wait, give me thirty dollars"**

**The screen faded to black.**

Pyrrha sighed when Church took advantage of Caboose.

"Play the next one." Yang ordered.


	75. S4E75 Things Are Looking Down

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

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**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 75- Things are Looking Down**

" **Things are Looking Down" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight hummed the theme.

**Fade in to Sarge leading Simmons and Grif across the Gulch at what could almost be called a run**

**Sarge: "Come on, double time men! That goes double for you, Grif."**

"Quadruple time." Nora said proudly.

 **Grif: "Why are we always double timing, anyway? Can't we ever half-time? Or how 'bout** _ **no**_ **time?"**

"Winter once told me General Ironwood always expected His soldiers to work Double time regularly. And when he said double time he meant for them to work four times as hard." Weiss explained.

**Sarge: "No, numbnuts. According to Simmons, the Blues have already re-established contact with their Command."**

Everyone leaned forward at the mention of Command.

 **Grif: "What?** _ **That's**_ **why we're running?"**

**Sarge: "Of course. By now they could be receiving reinforcements. Or taking advantage of some new technological weapons development."**

**Grif: "Or maybe** _ **their**_ **Command has been giving them the same generic orders ours always gives us like, "Try to win" and, "Do better than you're currently doing." I swear, sometimes I think they don't even know our names."**

"Hmm, maybe they have multiple experiments or bases in operation." Ren mumbled.

Blake nodded, "That makes sense, I love the tiny hints they put in."

"Are you sure you guys aren't looking into things too much?" Yang asked raising an eyebrow.

Weiss, Ren, and Blake stared at Yang for a second before chuckling.

"No, I don't think we're looking into things too much." Ren said.

 **Sarge: "That's just what I wanted you to hear. The conversations** _ **I**_ **had with Command always provided vital intelligence."**

**Grif: "Like what?"**

**Sarge: "Like the location of the Blue base."**

"Across the Canyon, literally in view from your own." Weiss facepalmed.

**Grif: "Right there."**

**Sarge: "And the number of soldiers they have."**

"That is important." Weiss nodded.

**Grif: "Three."**

**Sarge: "Also, the location of the base."**

Weiss frowned, "What?"

**Grif: "Auh, you already said that one."**

**Sarge: "I meant our base."**

"Why would Command need to tell them that? Wouldn't they already know?" Ruby asked.

Weiss just shrugged.

 **Simmons: "Weren't** _ **we**_ **the ones that provided them the intel in the first place?"**

Weiss sighed and shook her head.

**Sarge: "Initially yes. But Command processes our raw data and gives us back the key details. You may recall they sent us plans of the next phase of the war. They were stored in Lopez before he was kidnapped."**

**Grif: "You mean before he ran away."**

**Sarge: "No, I mean shut up, Grif."**

**Simmons: "But how do we even know he still has the plans? Last time we saw him, all that was left was a head. Maybe he stored the files in his legs, or his chest."**

"Most Atlas robots store all their data in the head." Weiss commented.

"Why?" Jaune asked. "Wouldn't it be smarter to store it in their body- I mean torso? It would be safer."

Weiss shrugged, "The head is still safe."

"But...hold on does that mean if I shoot a Atlesian knight in the head it dies?" Ruby asked.

"Yeah?" Weiss answered unsure.

"They do did if you shoot them in the head." Blake answered. "At least the old Atlesian knights did."

"Why would they do that? It's a robot. Why would they make it die like a person? With the same weaknesses?" Jaune asked.

"It does seem pointless." Pyrrha added.

Weiss sighed and shrugged. "I don't know."

**Sarge: "You idiot, who stores memories in their chest? Don't you know anything 'bout biology? The chest is strictly reserved for digestion."**

"Can robots eat food!" Nora asked looking at Ren.

Ren shrugged while Ruby pondered it herself. She would need to ask penny.

**Grif: "Maybe they'll send us more reinforcements like last time. Donut's arrival was a real turning point in the offensive."**

**Sarge: "Where** _ **is**_ **Donut?"**

**Simmons: "There he is. Looks like he's talking to something."**

**Sarge: "Looks like a rock. Grif!"**

**Grif: "What."**

**Sarge: "I need information on that rock, ASAP! Approach the target via flanking maneuver and establish defilade at that ledge, Point Alpha!"**

Weiss stared at the screen in shock. "It surprises me how Sarge can sometimes spout off real military maneuvers."

"What? I didn't understand any of it." Ruby said.

"Flanking, like moving in-" Weiss started.

"I know what Flanking is what's Defilade?" Ruby asked.

"It means the protection of a position against enemy observation or gunfire." Weiss explained.

**Grif: "Or I could just look through the scope of the sniper rifle since that's worked the last** _**eight hundred times** _ **."**

**Sarge: "Yeah alright fine, take all the fun out of it."**

**Grif looks through the scope, and through the magic of almost-television we see through it too and learn Donut is talking with Lopez who is still perched on his lookout rock. You can see that the rifle is at 10x zoom.**

"Ten times zoom! I need to upgrade my sniper again!" Ruby said panicked as if she had done something wrong.

**Sarge: "I like my way better. It was more dangerous for you."**

**Grif: "Sarge I have great news. Looks like you're gonna get your plans after all. And I'm not gonna have to do any more running. So everybody wins."**

**Simmons: "What about me, I didn't win anything."**

**Grif: "Oh don't worry about it, I'm sure there'll be** _ **somebody's**_ **ass you can kiss."**

Yang and Weiss laughed.

**Cut to Church and Doc on Blue Base looking down at the camera.**

**Church: "Andy this is Doc, Doc this is Andy. Uh Andy Doc is uh he's here to help Tucker. And he's also our worst enemy. You know- besides the Reds. And, Tex on, certain days."**

"I wonder what happened to Tex." Yang commented.

"She went after Wyoming remember?" Jaune asked.

Yang nodded.

**O'Malley: "Well thank you for introducing me to your bowling ball... hello bowling ball."**

"It doesn't even look like a bowling ball." Nora commented.

**Andy: "Actually, I'm a bomb."**

**O'Malley: "It can talk?"**

**Andy: "Why is that the first thing everybody says to me."**

"Talking bombs aren't that common." Blake said sarcastically.

Nora gasped. "Weiss! Weiss Weiss Weiss Weiss!"

"Yes?" Weiss said.

"Does Atlas have talking bombs or *Gasp* Ruby! Can you make my grenades talk!" Nora shouted happily.

Ruby looked over to Nora to see Jaune, Pyrrha, and especially Ren frantically shaking their heads no.

"Uhhh, maybe?" Ruby said awkwardly.

Pyrrha, Jaune, and Ren facepalmed behind Nora as she cheered with glee and hugged Ruby.

"Ruby you seriously need a lesson on body language. That's the second time now!" Yang said pinching the bridge of her nose.

**O'Malley: "A talking bomb, you say... Hmm I could use a fellow like you in my organization."**

**Church: "Yeah, I should probably point out that Andy here was specifically designed to blow up and kill you."**

**O'Malley: "I see... Well this is certainly awkward."**

**Andy: "** _**KABOOM!"** _

**O'Malley backs off quickly.**

**O'Malley: "Satan's bunyon!"**

Yang, Weiss, and Blake burst out laughing.

**Andy: "Hah hah hah hah, heh, I was just kidding. I didn't really explode. Hahahahaha."**

**Church: "Heh heh, good one."**

**O'Malley: "Yes, highly amusing."**

**Cut back to the Reds with Donut and Lopez.**

**Sarge: "Lopez? Donut, where did you find him?"**

**Donut: "Right here."**

**Simmons: "How were you two talking? Lopez, do you speak English now?"**

"I wish." Ruby and Yang sighed.

"I like that he speaks another language. It's interesting to learn." Ren said with a grin.

"Nerd!" Nora shouted pointing at Ren.

Ren just chuckled.

**Lopez: "No."**

**Caption: No.**

**Grif: "Well if he doesn't then why did he just say no in English? Busted."**

"Hmm, They do share some words with the English language." Ren commented.

"Like what?" Yang asked.

"No and Okay. But sometimes there are words like Curioso, which means Curious." Ren explained.

**Donut: "I took four years of high school Spanish. That's the best way to learn any language."**

"That helps prove my theory of there being multiple languages." Ren commented.

**Sarge: "What've you two been talkin' about?"**

**Donut: "Oh, the usual Spanish faire. I told him my name, I asked him what his name was, I asked if he knew where the bathroom was, how much a ticket for the train costs, and I asked him for the check."**

"...High school Spanish sounds very ineffective." Ren sighed.

**Lopez: "Haga por favor que el hombre rosado para el hablando con mí."**

**Caption: Please make the pink one stop talking to me.**

**Sarge: "Ask him where he's been, no- ask him where he's going, wait- ask him if he has our secret plans. And if he missed me."**

**Donut: "¿Lopez, que es el tiempo?"**

**Caption: Lopez, do you know what time it is?**

"And this confirms that high school Spanish must be very ineffective." Ren commented.

"No. Maybe Donut is just an idiot." Blake pointed out.

Ren nodded, "That may also be true."

**Donut: "Voy a ir a la playa con mi primo quiere jugar a tenis."**

**Caption: I am going to the beach with my cousin who likes to play tennis.**

**Donut: "Yo comido un lápiz."**

**Caption: I ate a pencil.**

**Donut: "Adios!"**

"No caption, doesn't matter Adios means Bye." Ren explained.

"What is important about learning this language?" Weiss asked. "It was created solely for the show. No one else speaks it."

"Uhh actually Weiss the show is from ano-" Ruby started before Weiss held up a hand.

"Ah ah ah! We are not having that argument again." Weiss snapped.

Ren shrugged. "It's just interesting. And it's always prudent to expand your realm of knowledge."

Weiss was taken aback. "That's a good explanation." She praised.

**Lopez: "..."**

**Caption: ...**

**Donut: "Hmm, looks like he's not talkin' Sarge."**

**Sarge: "Allrright he wants to play tough, uh? I built in override codes for just such an event. Lopez! Give me root access, priority Delta One!"**

**Lopez: "Prioridad el permito. Por favor dicté el access code."**

**Caption: Priority Access requested. Please state the Access Code.**

**Sarge: "The Access Code is... access code."**

Jaune groaned.

**Simmons: "Oh you've gotta be fucking kidding me."**

**Sarge: "Ah, bitch about it later."**

**Lopez: "Acceso a código-"**

**Caption: Access Code accepted. Greetings Sarge, would you like to play a...**

"What?" Ren said confused. "Lopez stopped talking and there's no way Acceso a Código means all that." Ren said gesturing to the Caption.

**Sarge: "Lopez, replay the intel message from Command."**

**Lopez: "OK."**

**Caption: OK.**

**Grif: "See,** _ **OK**_ **now I'm telling you this guy's faking."**

**When Vic starts talking a picture of his face with a mustache appears next to the caption**

**Vic: "Hola, hola. ¿Eses tú escuchar mí? Hola."**

**Caption: Hello, hello. Can you hear me? Hello.**

"Why is he talking in Spanish?" Ruby asked.

"Why does he have that mustache." Nora laughed.

**Vic: "Hola hombres de Gulch Sangrosa, gracias por la información, muy provechosa."**

**Caption: Hey Blood Gulch Dudes, thanks for the information, very helpful.**

**Grif: "Oh come on, the** _ **recording**_ **is in Spanish?** _ **That doesn't even make any sense!"**_

Yang, Nora, and Ruby laughed.

**Simmons: "This guy sounds just like the guy the Blues were talking to, Vic Junior. I'll bet his kids changed sides."**

**Vic: "Después de analizar los datos que usted proporcionó..."**

**Caption: After analyzing the data you provided...**

**Sarge: "Eggs Benedict Arnold, those dirty traitors. No offense Simmons."**

**Simmons: "None taken Sir."**

**Sarge: "Traitor."**

**Simmons: "God dammit."**

**Vic: "...nosotros han calculado un plan a toda prueba para ganar la guerra."**

**Caption: ...we have calculated a fool-proof plan for winning the war.**

"A fool proof plan would be to actually fight like a normal army." Weiss sighed.

"If they fought like an actual army the show would be boring." Yang pointed out.

"I know." Weiss blushed. "But I still reserve the right to complain about it."

**Donut: "Wait, how does Vic have kids? I thought he had a vasectomy."**

**Everyone looks at Donut, and even the recording pauses**

**Donut: "Well that's just what I heard."**

**Vic: "Aquí están sus órdenes: elimine a la enemigo. Okay hombres, Buena suerte."**

**Caption: Here are your orders: eliminate the enemy. Good luck.**

"Those are the orders? Thats it?" Weiss asked incredulously.

**Sarge: "We've got to figure out what he's saying. Donut, can you translate or can't you?"**

**Donut: "Uh I think he's saying something about losing his passport."**

Weiss facepalmed.

"Even I know Spanish better than him." Ren commented.

**Simmons: "Well, when I was in Blue Base Church mentioned they built a translation device out of an old bomb."**

**Sarge: "E-Gads, no doubt to decipher their plans to destr** _ **oy**_ **us! If we don't translate the tactical plans Lopez is saying, we're all doomed!"**

**Vic: "También, hacer mejor que usted ya hado haciendo y ganar por favor."**

**Caption: Also, try to do better and please win.**

**Vic: "Okay, hombre, au revoir."**

**Caption: See ya.**

Yang laughed at the orders.

**Sarge: "That information could save our very lives!"**

**Simmons: "Why don't we sneak in to Blue Base, grab the translation device, and use it on our message?"**

**Sarge: "I agree."**

Blake smiled, "More stealth missions, this'll be good."

 **Grif: "Let me get this straight: We're going to steal a bomb from our enemies - a bomb that can be remotely detonated I might add - and then we're gonna bring it back to** _ **our**_ **base, and all huddle around it. What a great plan."**

Blake's smiled faded as Yang and Jaune burst out laughing.

"I love Grif!" Jaune said laughing.

**Simmons: "Well sure, it sounds stupid when you say it like** _**that."** _

**Sarge: "Go on, let's move. Somebody grab Lopez's cabesa."**

**Donut: "** _**Of course."** _

**Sarge: "That's not the cabeza Donut... and that's not Lopez!"**

**The screen cut to black.**

"Hmm, Cabeza likely means head." Ren commented.

"Play the next one please." Pyrrha asked.

* * *

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	76. S4E76 Two For One

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

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**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

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**Chapter 76- Two For One**

**"Two For One" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight hummed the theme.

**Fade in to Doc walking up to Andy, Church and Caboose far from Blue Base**

**Tucker: "(off in the distance) Oh God... I think it's coming back up.** _**BLAHGH!"** _

"I recognize these symptoms from somewhere, but it's weird Tucker has them." Jaune commented.

"What are they for?" Ruby asked.

Jaune waved a hand. "It's nothing never mind."

**Doc: "Okay everybody, I'm gonna give Tucker his physical now. Would either of you like to assist?"**

**O'Malley: "That's just a fancy way of saying "hold the vomit bucket," huhuhuhuheuw."**

"That is never fun." Jaune commented thinking of the times he had to do it for his mom when she was pregnant with his younger sisters.

**Church: "Uh, sorry I'm busy."**

**Doc: "Caboose?"**

**Caboose: "I can't."**

**Doc: "Well why not?"**

**Caboose: "Oh, because uh, I am allergic to things that I don't want to do. (cough cough cough), coughing."**

Yang started laughing. "I'm allergic to things I don't want to do too."

Nora put a hand to her chin. "Ren! Is that why I get allergies?"

Ren sighed. "No."

"I'm going to stop doing homework." Yang smirked. "It makes me sick."

Ruby laughed. "Me too."

Weiss groaned. "You two are not allergic, and if you don't do your homework I will make you." Weiss threatened.

**Doc: "Ohokay, just more fun for me."**

**Cut to Sarge watching Doc depart to the base through the sniper rifle**

**Sarge: "Well, you won't believe this, it looks like the Blues have teamed up with O'Malley. Those dirty backstabbers!"**

**Grif: "Our enemies teamed up with our enemy. How is that a backstab?"**

"That is technically true but...they stopped fighting?" Weiss commented.

"Yeah I thought they teamed up." Jaune said.

"Never! To the death!" Nora yelled.

**Sarge: "Exactly! No good two-timers! Alright men, let's get in there and acquire that exploding translater thing so we can figure out what Lopez is saying."**

**Lopez: "No mas va estar decepcionado."**

**Caption: You're just going to be disappointed.**

"Orders like do better and try harder to win are vital." Blake said sarcastically.

"When I become queen of the Toon I will order everyone to do better and I expect you to follow it!" Nora shouted.

"When I'm queen all you have to do is do my homework and not annoy me." Yang smirked.

Weiss huffed. "When I'm queen of the toon you will be expected to do your own work and train."

"You three already forgot that its just a title." Blake sighed. "Like I said it's just ego points."

**Sarge: "I agree Lopez, time is of the essence."**

**Lopez: "¿Por qué estás contestando si usted no sabe qué estoy diciendo?"**

**Caption: Why do you bother replying if you don't know what I'm saying?**

"Lopez must have a hard time, no one understanding him." Pyrrha commented sympathetically.

**Sarge: "Heh heh heh, good one amigo."**

**Lopez: "Dios mío, por favor alguien mata me."**

**Caption: Oh God, someone please kill me.**

"And now It seems he has fallen into depression." Blake added.

**Sarge: "I see the bomb. He's right next to Caboose."**

**As Grif says this the camera goes from Sarge, to Simmons, and then to Donut.**

**Grif: "Which one is Caboose again? I get confused. Is he the stupid** _ **mean**_ **one, the stupid** _ **annoying**_ **one, or the stupid stupid one?"**

Weiss and Blake laughed.

"That all makes sense. Church and Sarge are the stupid mean ones. Simmons and Tucker are the stupid annoying ones and Donut and Caboose are the stupid stupid ones." Blake laughed.

"Simmons isn't that annoying." Jaune commented.

"Annoying to Grif." Nora pointed out.

 **Simmons: "** _ **Stupid**_ **stupid."**

"Caboose is smart in his own way." Pyrrha defended.

"He once said time is made up of circles. Which is why clocks are round." Blake pointed out.

Pyrrha sighed but said nothing.

**Grif: "Oh yeah, right. What an idiot."**

**Simmons: "Yeah totally."**

**Donut: "Sarge, I hate to point out the obvious, but since we can see them with the sniper rifle, why dont' we just shoot 'em?"**

Ruby had a mini freak out. "Exactly!"

 **Sarge: "Shame on you, Donut! A sniper rifle is a coward's weapon. When you kill yer enemy, you wanna look in his eyes so he knows** _ **you're the one who beat him to death!**_ **It also gives you the chance to deliver some really zippy one-liners. Like "I hope you brought your wallet, because the rent in Hell gets paid in advance!"**

Ruby was taken aback and offended. "What! Snipers are not a cowards weapon!"

Pyrrha nodded in support of Ruby.

"Snipers are for pussies." Yang commented. "But Ruby, your sniper is also a scythe so you're not a coward."

Ruby huffed.

"But Sarge is right. Killing Grimm face to face is awesome!" Yang yelled.

"Yeah!" Nora agreed.

"I don't think he was talking about Grimm, he was talking about killing people face to face." Ren pointed out.

Yang and Nora visibly drooped down a bit. Yang sighed. "Eh, it's just a show."

**Grif: "(sigh), oh my God."**

**Sarge: "Or my personal favorite, "You've just got Sarged." Hhheh heh heh, classic."**

Yang smirked. "You just got Yanged."

Ruby silently put her face in her hands shook her head.

Yang giggled at Ruby's annoyance with her.

**Lopez: "Lo significo, deseo morir."**

**Caption: I mean it, I want to die.**

Blake shook her head.

**Sarge: "Hand to hand combat is the old school way to kill your foes, it hearkens back to the honored traditions when combatants respected one another."**

"I don't believe it's possible to respect someone and kill them." Pyrrha commented. "Fight for sport in tournaments sure, I respect every person I have ever fought. But to kill someone you cannot respect them."

Ren perked up. "Many accounts from the great war from soldiers talk about how much they respected the other side. But many more accounts spoke of how terrible and horrible the other side was."

Blake sighed. "Demonizing the enemy."

 **Sarge: "Killing a man with your bare hands says: we're all equals as men. Except I'm slightly more equal 'cause I'm still alive and you're dead. Of course dropping a nuke on them from fifty thousand feet is** _ **also**_ **totally acceptable."**

"Hmm, so Nukes must be bombs of some sort." Ren mumbled.

**Sarge: "I mean let's face it, there's just not enough time in this busy world to show everybody the courtesy of a good strangling."**

"Courtesy?" Weiss said offended.

**Grif: "See? That right there is why society is going downhill. Everyone's in such a hurry these days-"**

Ren and Jaune laughed.

"That's true." Jaune mumbled as Ren nodded.

**Simmons: "Yeah yeah yeah, we get the point, wasting time, okay what was the plan Sarge?"**

**Sarge: "You fellas stay here. I'm gonna head up there with Lopez and get that device. Get it Lopez, head up there. Score two for Sarge,** _**ding ding** _ **."**

Yang started laughing while everyone else groaned.

**Lopez: "Dios mío."**

**Cut back to Doc, Andy, Church and Caboose**

**Doc: "Hey guys? I've figured out what's wrong."**

Jaune sat up.

**Church: "What is it Doc."**

**Doc: "You're not gonna like the diagnosis."**

**O'Malley: "Hmhmhmhm which is ironic, because I think it's absolutely delightful, muhahahaha."**

"Oh no." Ruby mumbled.

**Church: "Just tell us Doc, we can take it."**

**Doc: "Your friend is-"**

**Caboose: "Dying? Oh no!"**

**Doc: "No, he's not dying, he just has-"**

**Caboose: "No chance to live. I knew it!"**

Pyrrha chuckled.

**Church: "Caboose? One more interruption outta you, and he's gonna have two patients."**

**Doc: "How do I say this, your friend is ... ..."**

**Church: "Why are you pausing? Caboose is not gonna interrupt you this time."**

**Doc: "No, that was just for dramatic effect. He's pregnant."**

"...what?" Weiss said surprised.

"I knew I recognized those Symptoms!" Jaune yelled. "But in a guy? Guys can't get pregnant."

"He's definitely not pregnant." Weiss said.

"No no, I think that's the direction the show is going." Blake said shaking her head.

"Awww a guy having a baby!" Nora shouted. "Babies are so cute!"

"I know! I can't wait to see it!" Ruby said equally as happy.

"Can guys get pregnant?" Nora suddenly asked. "They can't right?"

"Nothing on this planet will ever convince me a guy can get pregnant." Weiss said crossing her arms.

"The answer is no Nora. Guy's can't get pregnant." Ren answered.

"How would Tucker have gotten pregnant?" Ruby asked.

Yang laughed. "Well Ruby, when a mommy and a daddy love each other ve-"

"You know that's not what I meant!" Ruby yelled.

Yang laughed. "I know I know, that's why I don't think Tucker is pregnant. No girl in their right mind would have sex with him. Even if there were any girls around."

"There was Tex." Pyrrha pointed out.

"Tex is dead, and her body wasn't even in the robot suit." Yang explained.

"Why would it matter if the dead body was- oh gross!" Ruby gagged.

Yang laughed. "Lesson one of life Ruby, people are disgusting and chances are, somebody has done it. Doesn't matter what that thing is, somebody has done it or attempted it."

Blake sighed, "I admit that is a good life lesson, which is surprising coming from you."

"I am a wise older sister." Yang smirked.

"I'm going to hit play before you bring up something even more disgusting." Jaune said hitting play.

**Caboose: "Oh good. ...Wait what?"**

**O'Malley: "Hmhmhmhmhm, preggers, muahaha."**

**Church: "Alright, are we paying for this service, because, if we are, I want a refund. And if we're not, I want a refund anyway."**

"Doc is a terrible Doctor." Weiss commented.

"He's not even a Doctor he's a medic." Ruby pointed out.

"And Medics just make people comfortable, while they die." Jaune laughed remembering the old quote.

"Real medics aren't like that." Weiss grumbled.

**Doc: "No it's true, we found two heartbeats. So unless he has two hearts, the only logical explanation is that he's pregnant. ...I think."**

**Church: "** _ **How is that a logical explanation?**_ **Alright, one of the two of you has some explaining to do."**

**Andy: "Haha, don't look at me, Tucker's not my type."**

Yang laughed, "I _love!_ Andy! He's my second favorite character."

**Caboose: "Pshah, me neither. And, uh maybe we should um have the doctor explain, uh just how, babies are made, yknow uh in case someone, in the group, uuh may not exactly know how, that, happens."**

"Oh no he needs the talk." Blake facepalmed.

**Church: "Oh my God Caboose, shut up. Andy, blow up. Doc, you're fired, get outta here. I'm gonna go shoot Tucker."**

**Church moves to head towards blue base but O'Malley stops him.**

**O'Malley: "No: you said we had to tell you what was wrong; you didn't say we had to be right,** _ **or**_ **that we had to fix him, you fool, hahahahaa, read the fine print, classic blunder. Hmhm."**

"Always read the fine print." Weiss commented. "My Dad hides so much in the fine print that any Lawyers going through his work are payed double to make sure there aren't ways they could be exploited."

 **Doc: "First of all, I** _ **am**_ **right. And we** _ **are**_ **going to help him."**

**Church and O'Malley: "What?"**

**Doc: "Look no-one's ever seen anything like this before. I don't know anything about what caused this, or how to help him, but with heart, and true determination, we can get him through this!"**

"Yeah!" Ruby and Nora chorused.

"No!" Weiss yelled. "He's not pregnant! Yang is right-"

"I am? Yeah! Weiss thinks I'm right!" Yang yelled grinning.

Weiss sighed and continued. "Doc is wrong because guys can't get pregnant."

"He has all the same symptoms of pregnancy." Jaune pointed out.

"So? He's not pregnant." Weiss said not budging.

**Church: "Yeah we don't want heart and determination Doc. What we want is a degree. From an accredited medical institution."**

**Andy: "Yeah. Or four years equivalent work experience!"**

Weiss smiled and nodded.

**Doc: "(sigh). Come see for yourself."**

**Church: "Fine."**

**Caboose: "Uh, I think I need to stay here and guaaard this rock. From Tucker. Because I'm pretty sure that's how all this started."**

"Tuckers Rock." Yang laughed. "I forgot about that."

**Church: "Alright, what's wrong. You seem nervous."**

**Caboose: "What if Tucker is contagious? I do not want to catch pregnancy."**

Jaune and Ruby facepalmed. They had both thought the same thing when they were younger. Luckily for Jaune his sisters weren't around to tease him for it. Unluckily for Ruby...

Yang was on the floor laughing while Ruby blushed and looked away.

**Church: "Hey, no-one is pregnant. And seriously, Caboose, when I get done with this... we gotta have a little talk man. There's a book I've got that we can read together."**

**Caboose: "...I'd like that."**

Pyrrha smiled. "Church is taking responsibility for Caboose. I like that, Caboose is like a child."

"It was so funny listening to Dad give Ruby the talk." Yang commented.

Ruby blushed and growled. "Oh yeah! I bet it wasn't so fun when he gave you the talk!"

Yang laughed, "I never needed the talk, I learned the natural way through the internet and experimentation."

Everyone in the room groaned.

**O'Malley: "Maybe you can have the bowling ball fill you in on some of the basics, hmhm. Let me get you started: there's three holes. Hahahahahahaaaaa."**

Yang and Blake laughed.

**O'Malley/Doc start heading towards blue base.**

**Doc: "Oh gross."**

**O'Malley: "I meant in the bowling ball."**

**Church and Doc head off to the base, leaving Caboose and Andy alone in the Gulch. Sarge is sneaking up on them, making silly sneaking-up noises**

**Andy: "Hey Caboose. Level with me pal. I don't, really look like a** _ **bowling**_ **ball, do I?"**

 **Caboose: "No Andy, you're not nearly** _ **that**_ **fat."**

**Andy: "'Cause I've been working out ya know. Dumbbells, pushups, crunches-"**

Weiss and Blake shook their heads.

"Do they have phantom limbs or something?" Ruby asked.

"Phantom limbs! What are those?" Nora asked.

"Sometimes when people lose a body part they feel like it's there when its not." Ren explained simply.

"That must suck." Yang commented absentmindedly flexing her arms.

**Sarge runs up and steals Andy away like the princess he is.**

**Sarge: "Yoink!"**

**Andy: "Whaaa?"**

"I can't believe Sarge didn't notice him." Blake grumbled. "He was humming some tune and making sneaking noises the entire time he was behind Caboose."

"I didn't even see him." Ruby commented.

"He was so obvious!" Blake growled. "Ugh it's so annoying seeing how easy people sneak around in movies and stuff. It's not easy!"

"Maybe you're just bad at it." Yang smirked.

Blake frowned but didn't want to take the bait.

**Caboose: "Andy? Andy? What happened to you?"**

**Cut to show Lopez in Andy's place.**

"Wait? I thought the whole point of stealing Andy was to translate what Lopez was saying?" Pyrrha said confused.

"And how did Sarge pick up Andy? Only Caboose was strong enough to carry him before." Blake asked.

Everyone else just shrugged.

**Lopez: "Rapido, antes de les que se vuelvan. Cave un agujero y entiérreme. Por favor."**

**Caption: Quick, before they come back. Dig a hole and bury me. Please.**

"I'm starting to feel bad for Lopez." Blake commented.

**Caboose: "Andy. You turned in to a real boy!"**

**Cut to Sarge back with the Reds**

**Sarge: "See boys, now that's how you run a successful op. In and out like well lubricated lightning."**

**Simmons: "Where's Lopez?"**

**Sarge: "Heh heh, I pulled the old switcharoo. Lopez was the same size and shape as this feller, so I just swapped him out. Just like Indiana Jones woulda done. Heh, they'll never even know he was missing. Thank God he's a little lighter than the last time we saw him."**

"Hmm, at least they explained it." Blake mumbled.

**Andy: "** _**Finally** _ **, somebody noticed. D'you know how hard it is to maintain this figure?"**

"It's not really that hard to maintain a good body." Nora commented.

Ruby nodded but cowered when she saw Yang and Pyrrha angrily looking at Nora.

"What! Easy? You just have a high metabolism! I have to watch what I eat and make sure I train enough so I can maintain my body." Yang grumbled.

"I have been on a diet for years to stay healthy." Pyrrha added.

"It is not easy to maintain a good body." Blake added.

"I don't have a high metabolism and it's easy for me to stay skinny." Jaune shrugged. "Training is enough."

Yang facepalmed. "That's the point, we have to train to stay skinny, Ruby and Nora don't have to do anything."

"High metabolism usually goes away when people get older." Ren explained. "By the time they're thirty they should expect to lose the metabolism, and gain weight."

"That's a little harsh." Ruby mumbled.

"It's science, but sorry Ruby." Ren apologized.

**Grif: "You swapped Lopez, for the bomb. Permission to speak insultingly, Sir?"**

**Sarge: "Permission denied. Yer just jealous 'cause you didn't think of it first. Heh heh heh. Now let's translate. Where's Lopez? ... Ah, hell, I'll be right back."**

Weiss and Blake laughed.

 **Cut back to Caboose talking with** **Andy** **Lopez**

**Caboose: "Now you see Andy now we can go fishing, and you don't have to be the bait any more, and we can hiking, and we can go camping and you don't have to be the fire any more, and we can riding together, and now we can hold hands, and we can fly kites, and we can play tag, and we can drink orange juice together."**

"Those all sound awesome! Can we do that Ren?" Nora asked.

Ren nodded.

**Sarge sneaks up behind Caboose.**

**Sarge: "Hey Caboose! You hear something behind you!"**

Blake put her head in her hands.

**Caboose: "I do? I wonder what's causing it."**

**Caboose turns around, Sarge runs in and takes Lopez's head**

**Sarge: "Double yoink!"**

**Caboose: "Andy? Oh,** _ **my GOD!**_ **ANDY!"**

**Cut to reveal that Sarge swapped Lopez's head out for the skull of unknown origin.**

Pyrrha sighed at Caboose's confusion while the others laugh.

"It's the Skull from the competition!" Jaune laughed.

**Caboose: "You're dead! How did this happen? You were so young! It's all my fault!"**

Ren sighed, "People always blame themselves, I even blamed myself for a long time." Nora, hearing Ren's comment silently hugged him.

**Caboose: "I should have seen the warning signs! I didn't even know you were smoking! It worked so fast! You had so much to live for. So much exploding to do. Oh God! Who will blow stuff up now!? I don't want to live in a world without exploding!"**

"Me neither." Nora laughed.

**Caboose: "You hear that God, are you proud of yourself?"**

"Hmm, I'm learning more of their religion." Ren commented.

"Like what?" Blake asked.

"Well, I already knew it was monotheistic. But it seems they expect something from their God too. Not surprising most religious people do. But I'm also learning they believe their god to be all knowing or in control of death. These are just theories but..." Ren shrugged.

**Caboose: "Now that you've created a world without large explosions. Why couldn't you just take Tucker instead? He can't explode. At least I don't think he can. But even if he could it wouldn't be the same. Andy's exploding was special. Why God. Why? Oh Andy."**

**The screen faded to black.**

"This is so sad." Pyrrha commented.

"Yeah, but Caboose will find out soon thats not Andy." Yang commented.

"How do you know?" Jaune asked.

"Well everyone else isn't as dumb as him." Yang explained.

Pyrrha huffed and motioned for Jaune to play the next episode.


	77. S4E77 The Arrival

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 77- The Arrival**

" **The Arrival" Appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight hummed the theme enthusiastically.

"The Arrival?" Ren mumbled.

"What is it?" Jaune asked.

Ren waved him off, "Nothing, so far the episode titles have related to the episodes somewhat, just wondering what or who the arrival is."

**Fade in to a wide shot of Blue Base**

**Church: "Uhh, I don't believe this."**

**Doc: "It's true, your friend Tucker is pregnant. See, my little gizmo lights up green to indicate pregnancy."**

"He's not pregnant." Weiss mumbled.

"He acts exactly like my mom did when she was pregnant with my little sisters." Jaune pointed out.

"He's a guy" Weiss argued.

"Yeah but it's a show that's meant to be funny." Jaune argued back.

Weiss sighed, "But they have...tried to keep some level of realism-"

"Realism? Church time traveled." Blake pointed out.

"Actually because Vic is still alive I strongly believe in the theory that Gary put Church through a simulation. Because Church is a ghost." Ren commented.

"I just don't believe he's pregnant because I think he's a virgin." Yang shrugged.

**Church: "I thought it lights up green to indicate flesh wounds."**

**Doc: "Yeah also that."**

**Church: "And infectious diseases."**

"That would be a useful tool." Ren commented. "Except with different colors for different things."

Pyrrha and Blake nodded.

**Doc: "Hyeah, it lights up green for just about everything. It takes a while to figure out the difference. Like this green, indicates a high level of anger stemming from suppressed feelings of inadequacy."**

**Doc aims the Gizmo at Church and it lights up green.**

"...Hmm that actually makes some sense for Church." Blake mumbled.

"Kind of like Simmons. Maybe that's why Church was so mean to him?" Yang suggested.

Blake nodded. "That makes sense. Simmons has suppressed feelings of inadequacy and Father issues so he tried to please everyone. Church has suppressed feelings of inadequacy so he's mean and sarcastic."

Jaune sighed, "Do you think Tucker is like that too?"

Blake shrugged. "Suppressed feelings of inadequacy can be used to explain almost anyone's behavior."

**Church: "If that thing keeps talking bad about me I'm gonna fucking smash it."**

**Doc: "And this green means impotency. Oops, actually that green** _ **causes**_ **impotency. My bad Church."**

Yang laughed, "He wasn't using it anyway. I don't thing Sarge built him one."

"He just built the shell remember?" Jaune pointed out.

"He did ask for a bigger switch though." Nora added laughing.

**Church: "Oh, that's okay, I wasn't using it anyway."**

**Doc: "See, these tools can be confusing sometimes. That's why doctors have to go to school for so long. Not that I'm actually a doctor mind you."**

Blake and Weiss sighed while Nora laughed.

**Church: "And that's never been more apparent than with this diagnosis."**

Blake laughed, "I still love how fluid and well written the dialogue is."

**Tucker: "Uogh, what diagnosis?"**

**Doc: "Congratulations Tucker, you're pregnant."**

**O'Malley: "Huhahaha, yes, with bastard. Muhuhahahahahaha."**

**Tucker: "It's not mine, I wasn't even in town that weekend."**

"What?" Ruby asked.

Yang laughed, "Oh I get it, that's an explanation some girls use to deny that they're pregnant."

**Church: "Tucker don't listen to him, he's a lunatic man, he's got no idea what he's talkin' about."**

**Doc: "Uh, you want me to go over the green light thing again?"**

**Caboose runs in holding** **Andy** **Lopez's head** **the skull**

Pyrrha chuckled and shook her head.

**Caboose: "Doctor! Help! My second best friend is dead! Fix him."**

"Whoever this voice actor is he's amazing. I think Caboose's voice actor is the best out of all of them." Blake commented.

Pyrrha nodded, "Me too, but that's probably just because Caboose is my favorite character."

"All the voice actors are pretty good." Jaune said. "I can't really think of a moment where their voice sounded out of place."

"Maybe when that one guy...what was his name...Phil? Yeah Phil the one that Wyoming killed when we first saw Wyoming." Weiss explained.

Ruby sighed, "You are really good at finding mistakes."

Weiss chuckled. "Thanks I guess."

**Church: "Whoa whoa whoa, Caboose, what happened, who's dead?"**

**Caboose: "Andy. Andy's dead. Look!"**

**Church: "Okay, that's disgusting."**

Pyrrha and Yang couldn't stop laughing.

"Why are you laughing Pyrrha? I thought you liked Caboose." Yang asked in between giggles.

Pyrrha laughed, "I do, but I still think his...lets just say innocence and naivety is funny."

"Stupidity." Weiss corrected. "But I agree, it is funny." She smiled.

**Caboose: "Doctor Doc, please help him."**

**Doc: "Uh, I don't know what I can really do to help him, my first aid procedures aren't very effective** _**after decomposition** _ **."**

"They aren't effective at all." Ren commented.

Nora laughed, "In case you guys didn't know, Ren is a nerd for health stuff and surgery things."

Ren just shook his head.

**Church: "Where did you get that?"**

**Caboose: "First Tucker dies and now Andy!"**

**Doc: "Tucker isn't dead, he's pregnant."**

**Tucker: "It's not mine, we weren't even going steady!"**

Yang laughed.

**Church: "Stop that."**

**Tucker: "Hey look man, I've been saying that for a long time, it's gonna take a little while to get used to this."**

**Church: "** _**You're not pregnant** _ **."**

Weiss raised her eyebrows. "Church is getting pretty stressed."

**Caboose: "I was just standing outside the base, and someone told me to turn around and when I did, Andy..."**

**Church: "Whoa wait, who told you to turn around?"**

**Caboose: "** _ **I don't know!**_ **But they were very helpful."**

Pyrrha laughed and shook her head.

 **Church: "And let me guess, when you turned** _ **back**_ **around, Andy was gone."**

**Caboose: "Yes. He was... gone."**

Pyrrha and Blake laughed.

"I think this is my favorite scene out of the entire show so far." Pyrrha laughed.

"My favorite is still when Tucker, Tex, and Church went to attack the alien. And Tucker made the joke about mailing bullets." Yang laughed.

"I loved the Fanatics fighting each other, it was so much like a real multiplayer match." Jaune laughed.

Ruby laughed, "That's my favorite too."

"Mine is the Solar energy moment, just because it gave me the idea." Weiss shrugged.

"I liked it when it was revealed Caboose now had O'Malley." Blake commented.

"I liked that moment too, but my favorite is when it's revealed Vic is working both sides." Ren added.

Everyone looked to Nora.

"...I just love all of it!" Nora beamed.

**Church: "Hhuhh, everybody stay here. I'll be right back."**

**Doc: "Wait, what do you want me to do about the pregnant guy?"**

**Tucker: "It's not mine."**

**Church: "He is** _**not pregnant."** _

Weiss, Blake, and Yang nodded.

**Caboose: "And what about Andy?"**

**Church: "And that's not Andy, just look, stay here!"**

Weiss shook her head, "It has to be really hard dealing with all of that."

**Tucker: "Ahw, would this be a bad time to mention that my stomach just started hurting really bad?"**

Jaune smirked, "I don't know if you guys have seen someone pregnant before but come on, he's pregnant he is acting exactly like my mom was."

Weiss and shook her head and huffed.

**Doc: "Oh boy, Caboose? Better go boil some water."**

Jaune laughed while everyone else was just confused.

"Why would you boil water?" Ruby asked.

"To sterilize tools?" Ren suggested. "Or to keep the room warm or clean?"

Jaune just laughed, "No, well maybe a long time ago, But my mom told me her secret and every other women's secret. When they tell a man to boil water it's to get them out of the way. Because sometimes during labor their husband will annoy them a lot with their worrying."

Blake, Weiss, Pyrrha, and Yang laughed.

"That's genius!" Yang laughed.

"I'm going to ask dad if mom asked him to do that." Ruby laughed pulling out her scroll.

**Caboose: "How can you think of soup at a time like this?"**

Pyrrha laughed again and shook her head...again.

**Cut to Andy translating Lopez's message from Red Command**

**Andy: "Here are your orders for winning the war. Eliminate the enemy. Okay, also, try to do better than you are currently doing. And, please win, thank you."**

Weiss shook her head.

**Grif: "That's totally, totally lame. And not at all surprising. Which is also totally, totally lame."**

**Simmons: "I don't know 'bout that Grif, I think there was actually some valuable tactical information in there. Right Sarge?"**

**Sarge: "Simmons have you lost your last marble? That was pure nonsense!"**

**Simmons: "Oh, that's what I meant."**

Yang shook her head. "Kissass."

"Now knowing why Simmons is a 'Kissasss' as Yang so kindly put it-" Blake started.

"Thank you." Yang cut in.

"-It puts his actions and lines into better context." Blake finished.

Ren nodded.

**Sarge: "Eliminate the enemy, what kinda plan is that? I think Command has lost it."**

**Grif: "** _ **Lost**_ **it? When did they** _ **have**_ **it?"**

**Donut: "Uh, speaking of the enemy, here comes one now!"**

**Cut to show Church walking towards them with Sheila behind him.**

Weiss smirked. "This is going to be good."

**Grif: "Hey, let's eliminate him! Then we'll have one less thing in the to-do list!"**

**Sarge: "Uhh, I'm just so depressed. I can't even threaten your life for being a total jackass. ...Jackass. I'll kill ya."**

**Donut: "Nah, I don't think eliminating him is gonna be easy. It looks like he's bringing his tank with him."**

"Sheila is so cool!" Nora commented.

**Simmons: "What're you talking about Donut, the tank isn't coming out here. Look it's not even moving."**

**Donut: "Yes it is,** _**look."** _

**Grif: "Hey Sarge, cheer up, I've known Command was stupid all along. It can be hard at first but you'll get used to it."**

"That's sweet, he's actually trying to comfort him." Pyrrha smiled.

"Yeah." Ruby smiled.

**Sarge: "Just leave me alone. Dehrhrhrhr."**

"Ok well, the fake sobbing isn't that well voice acted." Weiss commented.

"Yeah, I have to agree with that." Blake sighed.

"It is a show meant to be funny, so even if they were good at fake crying they probably wouldn't do it." Jaune pointed out.

 **Simmons: "Donut, I** _ **am**_ **looking, if it was getting closer, it would be getting bigger."**

 **Donut: "It** _ **is**_ **getting bigger, compared to that tree!"**

**Simmons: "What tree, there aren't any trees out here!"**

**Grif: "You wanna call me an idiot Sarge? That always makes ya feel better."**

Pyrrha smiled.

**Sarge: "Oh, shut up moron."**

**Grif: "Heh, feels better, right?"**

"It's great how even with the style of the show. They grow as characters you know?" Blake asked. "It's not stagnate."

Ruby smiled, "Yeah, some fairy tales got boring after a while because the hero never grew. But the ones I still love today have great characters."

Blake smiled.

**Sarge: "Yeah I, guess a little."**

**Simmons: "Nope, not moving."**

**Donut: "Yes it is! See, look closer!"**

**Sheila: "(Faintly in background)Firing main cannon."**

**Sheila fires in to the rock behind Simmons and Donut**

Ruby smiled, "Hmm, I have a great new team move!"

"What is it?" Blake asked.

"Firing Main Canon." Ruby smiled, "Basically Weiss makes a glyph thingy and we all shoot into it, combining out bullets into one big shot!"

"I don't think that's how it works." Jaune pointed out.

"Actually why my ice glyphs it should work." Weiss corrected.

"We need more team combos." Jaune mumbled.

"There's still the Nora canon!" Nora shouted happily. "Launch me at the enemy while I'm charged up with electricity!"

Jaune laughed, "Thanks Nora, great idea."

**Simmons: "Okay, you're right, it's coming this way."**

**Donut: "** _**RUUUN!"** _

**The Reds scatter ...to behind a single rock**

**Donut: "We're gonna die!"**

**Sarge: "Run men!"**

**Simmons: "Ah, run away!"**

**Grif: "No!"**

**Simmons: "Please don't kill me!"**

**Grif: "No!"**

**Simmons: "Not the fucking tank!"**

**Donut: "Run!"**

**Cut to the Reds behind their rock**

**Sarge: "Regroup men! Grif, start passing out additional ammo!"**

**Grif: "Uhhhh..."**

**Sarge: "Simmons, pass out the ammo you brought because you knew Grif would forget."**

Jaune and Ren smiled, remembering the past joke.

**Simmons: "Already on it, Sir."**

**Donut reloads.**

**Sarge: "Return fire men! I'll call for reinforcements. Come in Command, come in!"**

**Vic: "Hey dude, come in. Hey, what's going on, that sounds like fun."**

Nora growled, "I still hate Vic for lying to them."

The others nodded.

**Sarge: "Vic, we need help. Simmons, get busy negotiating a surrender."**

Weiss sighed, "Finally a smart plan! You can't beat a tank and Sarge understands that, wow."

Blake was about to say something but she took in Weiss's words.

Ren and Jaune did as well.

All three smirked and shook their heads understanding what was about to happen.

**Simmons: "Okay, how 'bout we give them our base?"**

**Donut: "Oh, good idea! We could live in the** _**caves!"** _

"Yeah that would be cool!" Nora shouted.

"Yeah!" Ruby agreed.

**Simmons: "We could let them kill Grif!"**

**Sarge: "Simmons you're supposed to negotiate** _ **their**_ **surrender, not ours! Vic, are you still there?"**

Jaune, Ren, and Blake laughed while Weiss groaned.

"I should have seen that coming." Weiss grumbled.

Jaune laughed, "We did." He said gesturing to Ren, Blake, and himself.

**Simmons', Grif's and Donut's heads emerge right to left from above their rock in a comical way**

**Simmons: "Hey Blues!- Up- I mean, Blue! We're only gonna give you one chance to surrender!"**

**Church: "Wha- why would I-"**

**Sheila fires, loudly her canon recoils into the rest of the tank mechanism.**

Ruby gasped, "Hohhh! That's so smart! The canon doesn't rise up! That's the perfect way to deal with recoil!"

"I thought your Sniper already did that?" Pyrrha asked surprised.

"No no I just hold it steady, years of practice! But I'm going to upgrade my sniper. 10x Zoom and recoil reduction..." Ruby went off on a tangent mumbling to herself about her weapon modifications.

**Church: "Hey, hold on a second Sheila. Why would I surrender!?"**

**The Reds mumble something including the word sandwich at least twice behind their rock before re-emerging**

"Did they just mumble sandwich?" Blake asked.

Ruby shrugged, "I couldn't hear."

Blake sighed, without having her Bow on she could hear sooo much better, but she was still nervous about it.

**Simmons: "Uh, because you're outnumbered!"**

"Tank beats outnumbered everyday!" Nora shouted.

"Tank beats everything!" Ruby added.

**Church: "Bullshit dude, I got a tank! People with tanks are never outnumbered!"**

**The Reds mumble something actually incoherent behind their rock before re-emerging again. Sandwich was mumbled though.**

"Yeah they're definitely just whispering Sandwich." Blake commented.

"You have great hearing" Pyrrha complimented.

"...Thanks it's because of the ears." Blake chuckled nervously.

"...Hey Blake? Don't hate me for this but I just have to say it. You know how people call people with glasses four eyes?" Yang asked trying to hold back laughter.

Blake huffed understanding what Yang was about to say, "You know what Yang I-"

Ruby and Weiss held Blake back as Yang cowered behind Jaune.

"Save me!" Yang whisper joked to Jaune.

 **Simmons: "We also think that it's** _ **your**_ **turn to surrender."**

**Church: "** _**WHAT!?"** _

**Simmons: "Well, if you'll recall, first** _ **you**_ **surrendered, and you guys gave us Doc. And then** _ **we**_ **surrendered, and we gave you the jeep. Now, that means that (trails off)"**

**Church: "Sheila, shut him up."**

**Sheila fires at them**

"He is right though." Nora mumbled.

"It's only fair." Ruby shrugged.

"Nothing is fair in war." Weiss commented.

"Or love huh?" Yang said wiggling her eyebrows.

Pyrrha smiled and shook her head while everyone else on team RWBY groaned.

**Simmons: "** _**Son of a bitch!"** _

**Donut: "Is that a no?"**

**All three duck down behind the rock.**

**Church: "Okay look guys, I don't mean to be rude, but I've got a missing girlfriend, a guy who's pregnant, an idiot who thinks his pet just died,** _ **and**_ **our worst enemy is hanging out unsupervised at our base right now. So I really, really,** _ **really**_ **, don't have time for this horseshit right now."**

Weiss shook her head and sighed, "The stress of being a leader."

"It hasn't been that stressful." Ruby shrugged, "Not since the first few weeks."

"Yeah, it took some getting used to." Jaune smiled, "Thanks again for the Advice Ruby."

"Nope!" Ruby joked.

Yang laughed, "Oh so she noped you? It's annoying but it works."

"Huh?" Blake mumbled confused.

Yang and Jaune waved her off. "Nothing it's fine." Yang said.

"Just get advice from Ruby on something serious and you'll get it." Jaune explained.

Ruby smiled.

**Grif: "Uh, what was that part about the pregnant guy?"**

**Church: "** _ **He's not pregnant!**_ **That's impossible."**

Weiss nodded.

**Cut to Andy.**

"Oh I forgot about Andy." Nora laughed.

**Andy: "(Laughing) Yeah, unless the Alien impregnated him. That's what they do, they infect the host with a parasitic embryo. But you already knew that, right?"**

"..."

"That. Is. Absolutely. Disgusting." Weiss gagged.

"Ugh! So gross! Why!" Ruby yelled.

"Eugh! That's why the Alien kept hovering over him when he was sleeping!" Jaune said shaking his head.

As soon as Jaune said that everyone gagged.

"You made it so much worse!" Yang yelled.

**Church: "What? NO! Why didn't you tell us that could happen?!"**

**Andy: "Uhhh I mean uhhh** _ **Alien baby!**_ **How could that have happened? I am shocked as you are."**

Yang started laughing. "Ok now it's not gross now it's just funny."

Jaune snorted, "Yeah it kinda is."

"You two are gross it's gross." Ruby gagged.

"Well written though." Ren commented.

Blake shook her head.

**Radio sounds ...happen**

**Caboose: "Come in Church come in."**

"No! Don't use the Radio! O'Malley!" Ruby yelled.

"Oh crap she's right! Mean Caboose again yay!" Yang yelled.

"No! That's bad!" Pyrrha yelled.

**Church: "Caboose, what did I tell you man, you're not supposed to use the radio while O'Malley's here! Oh great now I'm on the radio too."**

"Church is almost to a breaking point I can tell." Weiss commented. "Like Simmons."

**Caboose: "Oh that, that's why I'm calling to tell you. Um, the Reds already used their radio aaand, O'Malley is gone."**

"Oh no, it's in Sarge." Nora mumbled Before gasping. "Now he's going to be an even meaner commander!"

Weiss and Ruby groaned.

"The show is getting serious again." Blake mumbled with glee.

**Church: "Oh my God."**

**Sarge: "That's right Blue, we've called in the cavalry. As we speak, the glorious Red Command is sending a ship to aid us! No doubt it's a battle cruiser of the highest magnitude! It's time to end this thing once and for all!"**

**Cut to Tucker, Caboose, and Doc.**

**Tucker: "Ohh, hee hee hee hooo,** _**huuugggghhh"** _

"Here it comes." Jaune mumbled.

**Doc: "Congratulations, it's a - thing. Eugh."**

**Junior: "Honk honk,** _**honnnnk honnnnnnnk!"** _

"Oh gross!" Ruby yelled.

"Ugh where did it even come out?" Nora asked.

Jaune, Weiss, and Ruby gagged.

"Where do you think? That is one hell of a kidney stone." Yang laughed. "Oh! That means Tucker isn't a virgin! He can brag about having sex with an Alien now."

The others just shook their heads.

**Church: "What, was that."**

**Caboose: "Ohwell, that's the other thing I called about, um, Tucker had his gross baby."**

"Gross is the right word." Weiss gagged.

**Tucker: "** _**It's not mine!"** _

**Church: "He is not pregnant! Sheila? Stay here. If anybody moves, shoot 'em."**

"He can't deny it now." Pyrrha sighed.

**Donut: "A baby, wait up! I wanna see!"**

**Sarge: "Donut, get back here! Wait for the ship."**

"Donut just moved? And Sheila didn't shoot?" Weiss pointed out.

**Donut: "But Sarge, we don't know when the ship is gonna get here. It's coming all the way from Earth. That could take days, or weeks, or months, or even years!"**

**The ship lands square on Donut's head, Seemingly crushing him in to a small** **pink** **lightish red disc of humany goo. But actually sending him into to dark caverns bellow the gulch.**

"No Donut! He was my favorite!" Nora yelled.

"I thought Sarge was your favorite?" Jaune asked.

"That doesn't matter Donut just died!" Nora yelled sadly.

"I'm sure he's fine, no major character has actually died, Church and Tex are ghosts, maybe Donut will be a ghost now too." Ren pointed out.

That cheered Donut up.

**Simmons: "Ship's here."**

**Grif: "Shotgun"**

"Really? That's their reaction to their teammate dying?" Pyrrha asked shaking her head.

"Not dead." Ren corrected gesturing to Nora.

"Right! Not dead." Pyrrha hastily corrected herself.

" **No one" by Trocadero starts playing as the credits roll...annd guess what? The credits are blurred out again.**

"Ugh! Well it's the finale but come on! I'm so tired of the credits being blurred out I want to know who made this show!" Weiss yelled.

"I know! I think I said this last time but this is the one time I actually want to read the credits." Nora complained.

"Yeah." Yang sighed. "Nice beat though."

"It sounds like elevator music." Ruby grumbled.

" _ **Where is the one that will mourn me when I'm gone"**_

"It sounds like every song so far has been made by the same band." Jaune commented.

"I don't like the songs, not my style." Yang commented.

Everyone else nodded except Jaune.

"I kind of like them." Jaune blushed.

" _ **Who will pour water on my bed of dirt**_

_**Who will breathe fire on my neck at night"** _

"Sounds like a love song." Weiss commented.

"Ugh! The worst kind of song!" Nora yelled.

Ruby nodded.

Jaune, Weiss, Pyrrha, and Blake blushed, they liked love songs.

" _ **I heard someone say there's a chance that I will meet her**_

_**I could be Persephone and she Demeter"** _

"Who?" Ruby asked.

Everyone just shrugged.

" _ **Pull me from the underground that I call home"**_

" _ **Her name is no one,**_

_**No one** _

_**No one"** _

Jaune sighed, "I think I'm understanding the lyrics here. He's looking for a girl and realizes he can't find her. So her name is no one."

Weiss nodded, "I'm getting that same meaning as well."

"That's kind of depressing." Ruby commented.

Jaune and Weiss nodded.

" _ **She blinds me with her eyes 'cause she's**_

_**The one** _

_**The one** _

_**She lives somewhere not here** _

_**Not here** _

_**Not here"** _

" _ **My lovers are as smooth**_

_**As a politician's tongue** _

_**The more I look for goodness** _

_**The more that I find none"** _

"Hmm? Don't understand that line." Jaune commented.

"Me neither, but I understand the bit about politicians tongue and finding no goodness but I don't understand how it relates to the song." Weiss commented.

"You two know a lot about music." Pyrrha commented.

The two shrugged.

" _ **I heard someone say**_

_**That she's honest and good** _

_**Heard someone say** _

_**That she's honest and good** _

_**Heard someone say** _

_**That she's honest and good"** _

"Hmm heard someone say that the perfect girl is honest and good." Jaune commented. "Deeper meaning?"

Weiss shrugged.

" _ **Her name is no one**_

_**No one** _

_**No one** _

_**Her name is no one** _

_**No one** _

_**No one** _

_**No one** _

_**No one** _

_**No one** _

_**No one"** _

"There is always one." Pyrrha commented, "always one for someone."

Weiss and Jaune stayed silent, they both understood the song and how it felt.

" _ **Her name is no one,**_

_**No one** _

_**No one** _

_**She blinds me with her eyes 'cause she's** _

_**The one** _

_**The one** _

_**She lives somewhere not here** _

_**Not here** _

_**Not here** _

_**Not here!** _

_**Not heeeerrreeee!"** _

"Ohh getting louder me likey." Yang commented.

" _ **I measure out my days**_

_**With sips of a corona** _

_**I'm pretty sure she drives** _

_**An old fucked up corolla** _

_**To pull me from the underground** _

_**That I call home"** _

"I don't understand the underground part." Weiss commented.

"I think it's a metaphor for his loneliness." Jaune explained.

Weiss nodded.

" _ **I've a funny feeling**_

_**There's no chance that I will meet her** _

_**So I'll measure out my nights** _

_**To my metronome's meter"** _

" _ **Her name is no one**_

_**Her name is no one** _

_**Her name is no one"** _

"That was the best song they've had so far." Jaune commented. "Sad but it sounded upbeat until you listened to the words."

Weiss nodded. "My favorite so far too."

"I loved season two's ending song." Yang commented. "Well not loved but it was the best."

Ruby and Blake nodded agreeing.

" **Red vs Blue season 4" appeared on the screen in big block letters.**

" **The Blood Gulch Chronicles" appeared below it.**

"Well that was Season four." Yang said simply.

"It was awesome! The funniest so far." Ruby said laughing.

"I don't know, some of the episodes were too short for my liking." Weiss commented. "Like season one."

"I loved how crazy it got this season, but not too crazy. It had a great mix and I loved how it subverted my expectations." Blake smiled.

"I liked the Fairy tale part of it, and the twist on the quest." Ruby laughed.

"It didn't really feel like a new season though." Blake commented, "It picked up right where season three let off."

"I think they did it in a good way." Jaune smiled.

"I can't wait to watch season five tomorrow, but I also can't wait to win and become Queeeeeeen Yannng!" Yang shouted raising her fist.

"Oh you're on sister!" Nora shouted. "I will become queen of the castle!"

"I highly doubt that." Weiss smirked.

"Ok guys! I already planned out a second in command competition but now since we're doing this we just need to make a few modifications. It's one o'clock right now so I think we can set everything up by four!" Ruby shouted pulling out the binder she totally didn't steal from Weiss last semester.

"You still have my binder!" Weiss shouted.

"Ah ah ah! My binder see?" Ruby said holding it up and showing Weiss the 'Best Day Ever Activities' written below 'Vytal Festival Activities Property of Weiss Schnee'

Weiss just huffed.

"You three should wait here and prepare." Pyrrha suggested standing up.

"That would be Wise." Ren added. "Remember Obstacle Course, Talent contest, Question and Answer session, and finally, evening wear competition."

All three contestants nodded with determination.

"You have three hours to prepare! We will call you down to...wherever we set up the obstacle course when we're ready." Ruby explained.

"Yeah...and Ruby? You still need to explain everything to us because it was last minute." Pyrrha explained.

Ruby blushed and nodded.

**3 hours later: Beacon Cliffs**

"Welcome! Welcome! Welcome!" Ruby yelled. "Welcome to the first and uhh last ever Toon Tournament!"

It was still a bright and sunny day in Vale. Everyone was outside in their regular combat gear.

Weiss stood disinterested while Yang and Nora beamed and couldn't stay still in anticipation.

Ruby smiled and continued, "We are gathered here today to decide who will be the leader of Toon RAINBOW!"

Ruby stood in the middle of her four friends, Pyrrha and Jaune on one side, withe Blake and Ren on the other.

"After much talk and planning-" Ren started.

"You guys spent only three hours working on this." Weiss pointed out.

Ren ignored her. "We have decided on how everything will run. First the Obstacle course." Ren explained.

Jaune picked up where Ren left off. "We didn't have much to make an obstacle course however With special permission from Ozpin we have four obstacles in what we have decided to call. Death Run!" Jaune shouted.

"As you can see we are on the Cliffs of Beacon. But a very special part! This is where we were launched into the Emerald forest!" Ruby explained.

"Which brings us to our first obstacle." Jaune continued. "With special permission from Ozpin we all have permission to operate the launch pads before you." Jaune said gesturing to the line of Launch pads.

"This is basically a makeshift obstacle course." Blake said in a monotone bored voice. "Firsts you run across the launch pads and stay in the lines Ruby dug in with her scythe around the pads see?" Blake asked pointing to the lines.

"After running across all the pads and not being launched you will make it to the next obstacle, the floating lockers!" Ruby yelled.

Pyrrha laughed, "The floating lockers are just all of our lockers in hover mode."

"Like I said, makeshift." Blake said. "Originally we were going to launch the lockers at you but...they would probably break through your aura."

"After that you all jump across the floating lockers you will have to Run the...however many miles it is from the cliffs and back to the front of the school directly below team RWBY's dorm." Jaune explained.

"Which brings you back to the final obstacle! The climb! Remember when Sun and Neptune climbed up to our window?" Ruby asked.

Weiss growled, "Yes, and if I didn't know any better I would say they were creeps but...they're just idiots."

Blake laughed. "Yeah so basically just climb into our dorm and you win."

"All three of you will start at the same time and the first person to make it wins!" Ruby shouted.

Yang and Nora cheered.

"The rules are simple, not attacking each other, no sabotage-" Jaune started.

"Awwww!" Nor groaned.

"-and once you get to the school no using your weapons." Jaune finished.

"All right!" Ruby yelled. "Are you ready?"

All three potential queens nodded.

"Ok! On your mark!" Ruby shouted.

All three got in their stances.

"Get set!"

All three crouched lower to the ground.

"GO!"

Nora shouted with glee and charged forward as fast as she could.

Blake smirked and tapped a button on her scroll.

As soon as Nora stepped on the first launch pad it launched her into the forest.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" She shouted as she unfolded Magnhild into it's hammer form.

"...so who's next?" Blake asked laughing.

Yang growled and cocked her gauntlets. She charged forward, at each step the pads shot up just seconds late. Until Ren smartly hit the pad ahead of Yang. But Yang had expected it, Yang got launched and using her Ember Celica she launched herself back onto the cliffs, and made it across to the hovering lockers. The lockers moved up and down slowly, scorching the ground below them.

Yang confidently started jumping across them.

Weiss however was still making her way across the Launch pads. She was taking her sweet time which did stop her from getting launched, but Yang still had a great head start.

Nora was still falling through the air but using her hammer she used a Ruby tactic and was shooting herself back up to the cliffs.

All five judges stood by and watched in amazement.

"You did well Ruby." Pyrrha complimented.

"Aww thanks!" Ruby grinned.

Yang ungracefully tripped off the last locker and almost face planted into the ground as Weiss gracefully danced across the lockers. Nora made it back to the cliffs just behind Weiss and jumped across the lockers.

They were possibly the three most competitive people on both teams and it showed. There was no taunting, no talking at all, just pure will power and skill working for their ego points.

All three made it across the first two obstacles and started on the third, the long long run back to the dorm.

Yang was in first with Nora picking up on her heals and Weiss behind both conserving her strength. However Yang and Nora had no need to conserve strength and both remained ahead of Weiss as all three made it to the dorms.

All three were surprised to find that their five judges were already back, they had ridden on the lockers...smart.

"Yeah! Go go go go! Whoever gets in our dorm first wins!" Ruby shouted.

Yang, Nora, and Weiss panting in sweat straightened up quickly and charged toward the wall of the school.

Ruby, Jaune, and Blake had to hold back their laughter as their teammates tried and failed to climb up the wall, except Nora who was already a quarter of the way up.

"Come on stupid wall!" Yang shouted.

Weiss sighed and backed up, looking for hand and footholds.

Yang however with pure determination started climbing up the walls towards her victory. Following shortly behind was Weiss.

When it was all said and done Nora was first easily, using her sloth climbing skills. Yang was second and in last place Weiss.

All three laid on the floor of the dorm sweaty and breathing heavily.

"YEAH! Nora! Nora! Nora!" Nora chanted. "Queen of the castle!"

The five judges arrived shortly after, going the normal way through the door.

"Now for the second task! The Talent competition!" Ruby yelled. "I call it! Beacon's got talent!"

**Thirty minutes later: Team JNPR's dorm.**

All five judges sat on team JNPR's beds in a row like a normal judge panel. In front of them was a seat for their "Talent"

"Ok first up...Nora!" Ruby said to her fellow judges.

Pyrrha laughed, "This is really fun."

"I know right." Jaune laughed.

Nora walked in happily...holding five plates full of pancakes.

Ren facepalmed, "Why Nora?"

Ruby ignored Ren. "Ok Nora! What is your tal...talent?"

Nora burped loudly as she dropped the now five empty plates onto the floor, luckily none broke but that's not what was amazing. Nora laid down on the floor with a huge potbelly and a stupid grin on her face.

All five judges stared at her in shock.

"Ok uhh, thanks Nora." Jaune said. "You- you can go now, tell Yang to come in, in a minute."

Nora nodded and saluted them before walking out. As soon as the door closed Jaune turned to Ren.

"Ren! How did she do that?" Jaune asked.

Ren just shook his head. "Nora is talented."

"That wasn't talent, that was a freak of nature I mean I didn't even see her eat any of it! Ruby was mid sentence!" Jauen shouted. Ren just shrugged again. "For a while I thought it was her semblance until the electricity."

Pyrrha and Blake just chuckled as Yang walked.

"Ok Yang! What's your talent?" Ruby asked.

"...uhhhh I don't really have one." Yang shrugged, "I mean I'm good at kicking ass but..can't really do that in here."

"...Disqualified!" Ruby yelled.

As Yang walked out Weiss walked in nervously.

"All right Weiss! What's your talent?" Ruby asked.

"Uhh...Singing." Weiss mumbled.

All of them perked up at that.

"I uhh, spent the last thirty minutes learning that song from the finale." Weiss explained.

"Well go ahead." Ren said smiling.

Weiss took a deep breath, and sung. All five judges sat in silence as Weiss sang "No One" in her beautiful voice. She was incredible, way way waaaayyy better than the original song. When she finished all five just sat staring at her.

"Ok Weiss wins." Ruby cheered.

Pyrrha, Blake, and Ren clapped.

Weiss blushed, smiled, bowed, and left.

"Ok guys, now for the question and answer session! Is everyone ready?" Ruby asked.

Everyone nodded.

"Ok Nora again!" Ruby shouted.

Nora walked in, her gut was almost all the way gone as she sat down.

"Ok Nora, we all have one question for you from each of us then one question from all of us." Jaune explained.

**Question**

"A nearby town is constantly being attacked by Grimm, what is the best solution to this problem?" Ren asked.

**Nora-**

"Kill all the Grimm around the town for miles!" Nora answered happily.

**Yang-**

"Kill all the Grimm and make sure the people there can fight back." Yang answered.

**Weiss-**

"Deal with the immediate threat of the Grimm and then after that's finished work to make sure the people can defend themselves. But if the village is in an area with no good protection then it should be moved, and the defenses should be increased." Weiss answered.

**Question**

"what is the best way to defeat an opponent?" Pyrrha asked.

**Nora-**

"Hit em hard!" Nora shouted.

**Yang-**

"Don't get hit and hit them hard." Yang shrugged. "Also look for weaknesses."

**Weiss-**

"Analyze them, look for weaknesses and strengths. Play their weaknesses and avoid their strengths. Listen to your teams advice." Weiss said looking to Ruby. "And be smart."

**Question**

"How would you convince someone to fight against long odds when they don't believe they can win?" Jaune asked.

**Nora-**

"Beat some sense into them! Show them that they can win if they do their very best!" Nora shouted happily.

**Yang-**

"Figure out whats wrong and comfort them, remind them why they fight, and show them that we can win." Yang answered.

**Weiss-**

"Hmm, Show them all our advantages and tell them they can do it?" Weiss said in an asking tone as if she wasn't sure.

**Question**

"how do you settle a dispute between two people arguing?" Blake asked.

**Nora-**

"Knock some sense into both of them." Nora smiled.

**Yang-**

"Shut them both up and remind them that whatever they're arguing about isn't a big deal." Yang shrugged.

**Weiss-**

"Look at both sides and either pick the side that's right or find a compromise that helps both sides and doesn't hurt either too much." Weiss answered.

**Question**

"Why do you fight?" Ruby asked.

 **Nora** -

"Well, I fight because I want to help people...and it's fun! Fighting Grimm is amazing, beating them up." Nora smiled, before frowning. "I want to help villages specifically, I want to make sure every little village has a chance to survive, that is why I fight." Nora answered determined. Ren smiled at her and gave her a reassuring look.

**Yang-**

"Well, I already said this remember? With Oobleck? I fight because I want the adventure. I just go with the flow being a huntress and I fight to defend myself and others I find on my path." Yang explained.

**Weiss-**

"I fight because I want to redeem my families name. I need to make things right, My father has done horrible things, and after Blake told me about Adam's branding I realize. It's a lot worse than I thought. I fight and will continue to fight to honor my family's name. And right the wrongs my father has done. And I will do that in any way I can, but I will do it the right way. I will not be like him, the ends do not justify the means. My father will do anything to further the company and gain power. I will do everything I can to change that, and I will do it in a way that reflects the true Schnee name." Weiss answered confidently.

**Question**

"Ok now for the question from all of us. Why are we here?" Jaune asked.

**Nora-**

"We are here to fight Grimm and save people!" Nora yelled.

**Yang-**

"I don't know why we're here, and to be honest? I don't care. I just go with the flow, so uhh I guess I don't really have an answer." Yang shrugged.

**Weiss-**

"We are here because...we are here because we want to be Huntresses and Huntsmen. We are here to defend the weak." Weiss answered.

After everyone answered their questions it was time for the final competition. The evening wear competition. All five judges stood in Team JNPR's dorm and waited for the three to come in. So far it was anyones game, kind of. There was one they had all pretty much decided wouldn't be Queen of them. So it was just between to participants.

Nora walked in first, she was just wearing the dress she wore for the Dance. Ren smiled but the others were unimpressed.

Yang walked in next, her dress looked really really familiar.

"Hey Yang? Where did you get that dress?" Jaune asked, his voice shaking.

Yang laughed, "Yeah you get it right? I'm cosplaying as Jaune!" Yang did a little twirl.

Ruby, Jaune, and Pyrrha laughed.

"That's amazing Yang!" Ruby laughed.

"It is." Blake smiled. "Except she modified it."

Yang shrugged. "I wanted to look better than Jaune in it. And that's no easy task."

Yang was wearing Jaune's dress, exactly the same except it was now lower cut.

"Ok now for Weiss." Ruby smiled.

Weiss walked in wearing something none of them had seen before. It was incredible, a fancy dress with...{I suck at clothes descriptions its her Vol 6 outfit}

"Wow Weiss! You would beat me except I made them laugh." Yang smirked.

"You said you were cosplaying so technically that's not evening wear that's a costume!" Weiss shouted.

Yang growled and glared at Weiss.

"Ok! I think we are ready to declare the winner!" Ruby shouted to stop the two from fighting.

All three straightened up.

"After careful consideration we have decided that...WEISS WINS!" Ruby shouted.

All five cheered or clapped, Yang sighed while Nora huffed but smiled when Ren was ready with pancakes.

"Weiss wins because for one, she was careful on the obstacle course, while Yang won she was smart about it." Pyrrha explained.

"Also her singing was incredible." Jaune added.

"And her answers reflected those of a great leader." Ren explained.

"And finally...the evening wear didn't matter at all we just thought that Queens should dress the part." Ruby smiled.

Yang groaned. "What? You're such a hypocrite Ruby you hate dresses but are fine with forcing us to wear one?"

"Yep." Ruby said popping the P.

Yang sighed but smiled.

Weiss was grinning too, Ruby ran over and hugged her.

Nora huffed, "I'm still queen of the castle but All hail Queen Weiss!"

"All Hail queen Weiss." The rest chorused almost jokingly.

Weiss laughed and smiled "Thank you, all of you."

"Yeah! Go _Ice Queen_ " Yang shouted.

All seven laughed as Weiss scowled, but after a second she smiled.

"You know what? I like it." Weiss smirked at their shocked expressions. "Ice Queen"

"All Hail Ice Queen Weiss!"

* * *

**I wonder if anyone caught the Halo 3 reference. "Tank beats everything!" I've played Halo 3 so many times that I remember that line from the Arc mission. When you get the tanks and kill the hunters.**

**Also did anyone notice the Death Run reference? Gary's mod but eh, a little more obscure.**

**So what did you all think of the Competition? And would you want me to do something like that again in the future? Only if it comes up naturally while they're watching the show and probably won't be a contest. Thanks for reading!**


	78. Mini-Series: Out of Mind

**Author's Note:**

**So this marks the first mini series and the inevitable confusion of everyone going to chapter 100 to look at the final episode and getting confused. I'm calling it right now, chapter 100 is going to get a hell of a lot of views because people aren't going to look.**

**Also holy shit people, hope this finally answers your constant questions of "Are you doing mini series?" "Are you doing out of mind?" "Hey I have a suggestion, do out of mind" "Can you do Out of Mind?"**

**YES! The answer has been Fucking yes since chapter 1! I said it in chapter 1 ages ago! But every single chapter for season four I've gotten a review asking if I'm doing out of mind.**

**Anyway hope you enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 78- Out of Mind**

"I'm still mad I didn't win." Yang huffed. "But I do like being second in command." Yang smirked.

"I didn't get anything." Nora frowned.

"Ren made you double the pancakes you normally get." Jaune pointed out.

"...That's true...do you guys get any fancy emblem or crown or something!?" Nora asked looking to Weiss and Yang.

"It would be cool to have an emblem." Yang smiled.

"Yeah." Weiss nodded, "A sigil"

"Sigil?" Nora asked.

"It means emblem, but it's the fancy word for it." Weiss explained. "Also if anyone is wondering, I don't want a crown"

"Why? I would think you would want one." Pyrrha asked.

"Personally, it's not comfortable and...well it just seems a bit egotistical." Weiss explained.

Blake and Ruby snorted.

Pyrrha nodded, "I've gotten used to mine"

"So what should our emblem be?" Ruby asked.

Everyone shrugged.

"Hmm, what about a rainbow, but with all our colors." Ren suggested.

"Me and Pyrrha have the same color." Ruby pointed out. "Ohh! We can share!"

Pyrrha chuckled.

"Yeah, and what color would Jaune be?" Weiss asked.

"Yellow." Jaune shrugged.

"Yeah no, I'm yellow." Yang said gesturing to herself.

Jaune sighed, "Ok what if we...what if the emblem-"

"Sigil sounds better." Weiss pointed out.

"Sigil" Jaune continued "is just our all our emblems."

"What? Oh! You mean like Ruby's Rose and Weiss's snowflake?" Pyrrha asked.

Jaune nodded, "Yeah and my crescent thingies."

"My spear through a red circle." Pyrrha commented.

"A spear through a red sun would look cool for a sigil." Jaune mumbled to himself.

"And My hammer...with lightning!" Nora yelled.

"That's boring though, just using all our own emblems." Yang commented. "We should make a new one."

Blake and Ren smiled, "Great Idea. After the season I could draw one." Blake said.

"And I can help." Ren offered.

Blake smiled.

Everyone nodded in agreement.

"Anyway let's watch the next episode, Its the start of season five." Jaune smiled.

Jaune hit play...nothing happened.

"Huh?" Jaune mumbled tapping the screen again and again before-

 _"Hello!"_ Filss's voice rung out. _"And thank you for continuing to watch the show!"_

"Gahhh!" Jaune yelled backing away from the scroll.

Everyone's eyes snapped open and stared at Jaune's scroll.

 _"You have made it up to season five, but before we continue with season five I must inform you that there is a mini series."_ Filss continued.

"Mini series?" Weiss said raising an eyebrow.

Jaune nodded, "Oh cool, it's like a side story."

 _"Please hit play to continue viewing."_ Filss said before an audible click sounded showing that Filss was finished.

Jaune looked around.

"Well hit play." Yang said gesturing to Jaune.

" **Out of Mind Part 1" appeared on the screen** **with the beginning of "A girl named Tex" as the theme.**

"Hmm, Out of mind." Ren mumbled.

"Ohhh new theme." Ruby smiled.

"I like it." Jaune commented. "It's better than the regular one, but I still like the original one more."

Pyrrha nodded, "I feel the same way."

**Cut through various scenery shots during the flashy new title panels, eventually settling on a front gate with Wyoming walking through it**

"Hmm so this is going to follow what Tex has been up to." Ren commented.

"How do you know?" Nora asked. "You always know! Why do you read? Seriously(Nora turned to everyone) he can tell which characters are going to die from the first page of a book!"

"That's impressive." Blake commented. "Usually takes me a few chapters before I have guesses"

Ren shrugged, "She's exaggerating, but I use clues and character descriptions. It's all foreshadowing."

**Wyoming: "You there, look alive."**

**Wyoming goes through the door, and as the Guards chatter Tex, invisible, sneaks up behind them. The two talk really fast.**

**Blue Guard: "Crikey, boss seems like he's in a bad mood today."**

"Hmm, wonder why." Ren mumbled.

**Red Guard: "No kidding."**

**Blue Guard: "What's gone up his bum eh?"**

**Red Guard: "Nobody gets in to our-"**

**Blue Guard: "Hold on a bit... You hear that?"**

**The scene cuts to show the Blue and Red guard standing with invisible Tex in the middle.**

Blake chuckled, "I would love to have that ability."

**Red Guard: "Hear what?"**

**Tex cocks her shotgun.**

**Blue Guard: "You hear that?"**

**Red Guard: "Hear what?"**

**Blue Guard: "Come on you gotta hear that one."**

**Red Guard: "Hear whaa-ooooh crap."**

**Tex punches the Red Guard in the face and knocks him out, then goes visible and runs down a hallway as the Blue Guard shoots at her.**

Yang laughed, "Still a badass!"

**Blue Guard: "(honing in) Gotcha now, mate! What's that noise?"**

**Blue Guard looks down and sees a** **glowing blue spider** **grenade attached to his foot.**

Nora grinned, "Blue spider grenades!" Nora laughed. "Thanks again for making me some Ruby. Can't wait to try them out in the tournament!"

Jaune smiled, "I hope I can get the sword before the tournament."

Weiss growled, "Ruby! I can't believe I didn't realize this sooner! You gave Coco a better version of her Mini gun _weeks_ before the tournament! You gave her an advantage over us!"

Ruby shrunk down before an idea popped in her head. "But Weiss think about it, I made it so I know how it works!"

Weiss's scowl was wiped away in a second. "That's genius!"

Ruby smiled. "I'm a genius."

Yang and Blake laughed at the two.

**Blue Guard: "Crikey!"**

**The grenade goes off, shooting the Guard very high in the air**

**Tex: "Hope I didn't scare ya fellas."**

Yang grinned.

 **Blue Guard: "** _ **Crikeeeeeeeeeeeeeey**_ **(lands behind Tex as she walks by) ...Bollucks."**

"If these are curse words I definitely won't use them, they sound stupid." Yang commented.

"He sounds like Sun's annoying friend Scarlet." Blake commented.

"How come we've never met him?" Ruby asked.

"He's in Vacuo or Mistral or wherever he's from I didn't pay attention." Blake sighed, "I've only seen him from Sun's scroll."

 **Tex: "(in voiceover) I'd been tracking my old friend, Wyoming,** _ **hoping**_ **that he'd lead me to his boss. But I wasn't having any luck, until he came here. Now I hate locked doors, but at least that means there's something, or some** _ **one**_ **, worth lockin' up."**

Blake nodded, "That was the general rule the White Fang followed with SDC shipments."

Weiss sighed, "Note to self, tell Father to make sure everything is locked."

**Tex: "Still, I have a pretty good sixth sense, and I couldn't shake the feeling that I was walking right in to a ..."**

**The locked door she was talking about opens suddenly, and Wyoming drives a jeep at her face**

Nora and Ruby gasped.

**Tex: "(backing up swiftly) Crap!"**

Blake frowned, she couldn't tell if Tex said crap or trap.

**The jeep goes up a slope and gets stuck, the Warthog has a Gauss canon on it.**

Ruby gasped, "Ohh look at that gun! It's different...looks more like a canon than a turret..energy blast? Atlas has those right?" Ruby asked looking to Weiss.

Weiss nodded.

**Wyoming: "Well well, look who abandoned her mates to follow me. I'm flattered of course, but you'll pardon me for not acting surprised, Tex."**

**Tex: "(in voiceover) Oh, by the way? I'm Tex. And yes, I know it's a guy's name."**

"I wonder who she's talking to." Ren commented.

**Wyoming: "And it seems you've killed my two best guards. Oh bugger."**

"Bugger, Crikey, and Bollucks." Yang Shook her head.

**Tex: "Oops. Sorry 'bout that."**

**Wyoming: "Perish the thought, my dear. Tomorrow is pay day; you actually saved me quite a bit of money. Kill anyone else and I might have to start paying you commission."**

Pyrrha sighed, "So money brought the fanatics together."

**Tex: "Where is he?"**

"O'Malley." Ren mumbled.

**Wyoming: "Oh right, and here I thought you were spending all this time trying to get close to me. Tisk tisk."**

**Tex: "Cut the shit. Where is he?"**

**Wyoming: "Yes, he asks about you too, Tex. It's almost as if you two are on the same mind."**

Ren chuckled.

**Tex: "That's not funny."**

**Wyoming: "Sorry, but I can't play matchmaker today, I'm entirely too busy."**

**Wyoming backs the jeep off the incline, and Tex jumps on the side and starts punching him in the face. He runs the jeep against the wall to get rid of her and drives off**

**Tex: "Dammit!"**

**Wyoming: "Ta ta for now!"**

"Wow I love the action." Ruby smiled.

 **Tex: "(in voiceover while chasing him on foot) So here's my problem: Wyoming was my only lead. Losing** _ **him**_ **would mean losing any chance of finding his boss. There was** _ **no way**_ **I was gonna let that happen. Wyoming didn't know it, but he was gonna lead me right to him."**

**While going on and on, Tex picks up a random sniper rifle and loads it with a tracking device and shoots the back of Wyoming's car with it**

Blake grinned.

**Omega on Radio but shhhh! No one knows it's Omega yet, or even that Omega is O'Malley: "Come in Wyoming."**

Everyone leaned forward.

"His boss?" Jaune asked.

"His boss would be O'Malley right?" Nora asked.

Ren nodded, "But it could be anyone, not O'Malley. The voice changer could mean it's not him."

**Wyoming: "Wyoming here, go ahead."**

**Omega: "Did she take the bait?"**

Blake sighed, "He wants to be tracked."

**Wyoming: "Indeed. Hook line and sinker, mate. Hook line and sinker."**

**Omega: "Excellent. Hm hm hm hm ha ha ha ha haa"**

"It's definitely O'Malley." Weiss commented.

Everyone nodded.

**The screen faded to Black.**

"What? That's it? That was shorter than the first episode." Weiss pointed out.

"Play the next one." Nora ordered.

" **Out of Mind part 2" appeared on the screen with the Tex theme.**

Ruby and Yang attempted to hum the theme but didn't quite have the beat right.

**Credits come in with several recruits running across the screen as the voice booms over the loudspeaker**

**Unknown Voice: "Alright I wanna see some** _ **hustle**_ **out there! I mean the, hard work kinda hustle not the, disco or legal scam kinda hustle. Apologize for the confusion on that earlier."**

" **Special Forces Training" appears on the screen. The voice continues mostly inaudibly in the background**

"Hmm so this is the Freelancer training." Ren mumbled.

**Church walks up in regulation blue.**

**Church: "Your armor looks good. A lot better than this regulation blue stuff they give the rest of us."**

"Wow it's a flashback." Pyrrha smiled.

**Tex: "They told us each one has a unique ability. I've been tryin' to figure out what mine is-"**

"Hers is invisibility right?" Ruby asked.

"Wyoming had that too." Jaune pointed out. "When he appeared before Church and Grif at that Sidewinder prison."

**Church: "Tex you know, you don't have to do this."**

**Tex: "I'm not doing it because I have to."**

**Church: "It's just that, there's all these rumours about these experiments they're running, they're... taking com** _ **puter**_ **programs and puttin' 'em inside of people's** _ **heads**_ **. Just sounds a little,** _ **crazy**_ **."**

Weiss frowned, "Why wouldn't they just have them in the helmets? Why would the surgically put them in their head so they would be in there all the time?"

Blake shrugged, "Maybe it works better?"

Weiss nodded, "That makes sense."

**Tex: "You know I can't talk about it with you."**

Weiss sighed, "Classified information."

**Church: "I know."**

**Tex: "Technically you're not even supposed to be here."**

**Church: "** _**I know** _ **."**

**Jimmy: "Hey Leonard, come on."**

**Church: "Yeah hold on a second Jimmy!"**

"Jimmy is the one Tex killed right?" Yang asked.

"Yeah by hitting him with his own skull." Nora shivered. "Ohhh! Can I do that with Grimm?"

"That would be badass." Yang grinned.

 **Wyoming: "Yes I think it best you go, Private. We've got** _ **real**_ **military work to do here. Perhaps** _ **you**_ **should go back to your training. Learn how to get shot properly. Hmhmhm."**

Jaune shook his head, "He's a bully."

**Church: "Yeah thanks. I was already leaving."**

**Church walks a little, then stops**

**Unknown voice in background: "Never leave a man behind... except when it's to save them from danger, you should probably let women and children go first, and come back for the men later."**

Blake nodded, "That's a good policy."

"What?" Everyone asked.

"Oh sorry, the voice in the background. It's really really quiet, I can barely hear it. Basically it said don't leave anyone behind." Blake explained.

**Church: "Tex I... just be careful."**

**Unknown Voice: "Just give us your best judgment."**

**Fade to the present. Tex gives a stirring monologue about the events happening on screen, below**

**Tex: "(voiceover) He was right about the rumours: everyone of the operatives was paired and implanted with some kind of modified A.I. They were sup** _ **posed**_ **to make us faster or stronger, or in my case, just plain** _ **meaner**_ **."**

Jaune laughed remembering Church's old line.

"The show is getting a lot more serious." Blake smiled.

" **The experiment worked for a while, then people just started goin' crazy. So they scrapped the project, and began removing the A.I. modules and deleting them one by one. Problem was, some of the A.I.s didn't wanna be deleted, they began resisting the removal process. The one in** _ **my**_ **head, Omega, was one of the** _ **difficult**_ **ones. Since they couldn't erase** _ **him**_ **they decided to erase both of us. And that didn't go over so well. By the time we escaped the facility it was pretty clear I had to do something to get rid of Omega for good. Unfortunately, it's pretty hard to hide your thoughts from somethin' that lives inside your head. It wasn't that long before he figured out how to jump outta me, and in to other people using the radio. So** _ **removing him**_ **was the easy part. Killing him, was gonna be a different story. And as much as I hate to admit it..."**

"That was a huge lore dump." Blake commented.

"What?" Yang asked.

"Lore dump." Ren started. "It's basically when a show shows a lot of new lore that was previously unknown."

Yang nodded.

**Tex: "I'm gonna need some help."**

**The screen faded to black.**

"That was short too." Ruby commented.

"Guess we know why it's called a mini series." Yang joked.

" **Out of Mind part 3" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

Ruby, Yang, and Jaune hummed the theme successfully.

**Credits come in over shots of a city, which later pan down to reveal York at a door picking the lock and humming.**

"He's picking a lock." Blake commented.

" **Commercial District." Tex comes up behind the guy at the door and points her gun at him.**

**Tex: "Alright freeze!"**

**York: "Oh... Sorry officer, I uh, lost my keys to my shop here an I was, trying to figure out a way to, you know um..."**

"He's a bad liar." Blake commented.

**York stands up holding a pistol.**

Ren shook his head, "Looks like he was caught off guard and was psyching himself up to possibly kill her."

Ruby shook her head.

**Tex: "(amused)You never were a very good liar York."**

"Hmm another state?" Ren mumbled. "I think he might be another freelancer."

**York: "York, haven't been called York in a really long time. Hello** _**Allison** _ **."**

**Tex: "I haven't been called** _ **Allison**_ **in a really long time. You down to petty theft now York? Seems like a waste of your talents."**

"She has really let her guard down around him." Pyrrha commented.

"It's weird." Weiss added.

**York: "Hey, whatever pays the rent. There's not much call for a former infiltration specialist these days."**

"That explains the lock picking." Blake commented.

**Tex: "I think that's about to change. There's a place I need to get in to and they don't want me to get in to it."**

**York: "You know, they never do? What do you think D, should we trust her?"**

**A glowing green little man pops up next to his shoulder. It's Delta! The AI!**

"Woah!" Everyone yelled.

"Yeah he's definitely a freelancer, you were right Ren." Jaune commented.

"It's another AI." Ruby said amazed.

"Last episode they just said all the implants were removed...maybe this D is another difficult one." Ren theorized.

**Delta: "Hmm, that depends. Is he still with her?"**

**Tex: "What the, you still have yours!?"**

**Tex aims at York.**

"Hmm, she does not like other AI's...that makes sense." Jaune commented.

**Delta: "(changing colours to ...salmon, I guess) Alarm, threat level raised. 71% chance of violent outcome."**

"He seems like much more of an AI than O'Malley." Weiss commented. "A lot more useful."

"And less annoying." Yang laughed.

**York: "Okay, take it easy."**

**Delta: "(returning to green) Chance of defeating Agent Omega Texas in combat is extremely unlikely."**

"Omega Texas?" Ren mumbled. "...hmm If York is alive that must mean that the simulation theory is confirmed."

**Tex: "What's going on here?"**

**York: "Thank you D. Look, put the weapon down Tex. Delta's not a threat to anyone, never was. You know, if anyone should be nervous about onboard passengers around here it should be me."**

Everyone chuckled.

**Tex: "Well don't be nervous. Omega's gone."**

"Omega? O'Malley's name is actually Omega?" Jaune mumbled. "Has that been mentioned before?"

Ren thought for a minute. "Can't remember."

 **Delta: "Chance of defeating Agent Texas:** _ **still**_ **very unlikely."**

Yang laughed.

**York: "Okhay, I get it. Thank you, retire now."**

**Delta: "Executing. (shuts off)"**

**York: "Let's go inside."**

**Slowly cut to York and Tex inside an arbitrary building, as is their way**

**Tex: "Nice place, you furnish it yourself?"**

**York: "Actually, I had an interior decorator help me. ...She's dead now. Look, Tex, are you** _ **absolutely sure**_ **he's not anywhere in that head of yours?"**

"I doubt O'Malley or I guess Omega now was very useful inside Tex, he's an idiot." Weiss pointed out.

"He seems different in every host." Ren pointed out.

"Yeah, in Caboose he was like a serial killer but in Doc he was an evil villain." Jaune added.

Ren nodded.

**Tex: "Omega's gone. That's why I'm here."**

**York: "Oh. Let me guess: he's gone, but that's not good enough. You wanna kill him too."**

"He knows her well." Yang commented.

 **Tex: "He spent a lot of time in my head, York. You know what it's like: whatever** _ **they**_ **think,** _ **we**_ **think. Whatever we know, they know."**

"That would be terrible." Weiss grimaced.

Ruby nodded, "Yeah, unless they were nice. But O'Malley isn't."

**York: "Hyheah, I'm familiar. Remember all Reggie's dumb knock-knock jokes?"**

Rem frowned and put a hand to his mouth in thought.

**Tex: "York, this is serious. Omega wants to do a lot of bad things. I already know where he is, I just need your help to get in."**

**York: "Why?"**

**Tex: "He's not alone. Wyoming."**

Ren gasped and wrote something down in his notes.

"What is it?" Jaune asked.

"Just a theory." Ren answered.

**York: "Uhh, speak of the devil. Okay, let's say I do this. What's in it for me?"**

**Tex: "Payback. How's the vision in your eye?"**

**York: "Still blurry... Hurts when I read."**

Ruby, Blake, and Ren nodded in understanding.

"I once got a spark in my eye after working on Crescent Rose and I had to have Yang read me Fairy tales instead of doing it myself." Ruby commented.

"Yeah, it was a great excuse." Yang laughed.

Ruby blushed.

"It was so obvious, she only closed her left eye when I was around." Yang laughed.

Blake shook her head. "Always keep up the act even when you think you're alone."

**Tex: "Well then, how 'bout a little revenge?"**

**York: "You know, technically, you're the reason I** _ **have**_ **one bad eye."**

 **Tex: "No, technically I'm the reason you still have one** _ **good**_ **eye."**

"Hmm." Ren hummed. "Maybe Omega made Tex angry or something, she did say the AI made people go crazy."

**York: "Hhhh, whaddaya think, D?"**

**Delta: "(reappearing) Agent Texas poses a serious risk to any mission. The spontaneous ejection of A.I. can be catastrophic to the psyche of an agent."**

Ren quickly wrote in his notes.

**York: "She seems okay to me."**

**Delta: "May I remind you what happened when Program Gamma removed itself from Agent Wyoming."**

Ren gasped and grinned. "My theory is correct then."

"What is it?" Jaune asked.

"...it's a major spoiler." Ren explained.

"Tell us tell us tell us!" Nora yelled.

"Please!" Ruby added.

"Gamma was Wyoming's AI, and I'm guessing Reggie is Wyoming. Reggie told knock knock jokes. Who else told knock knock jokes?" Ren asked.

"...Gary!" Jaune gasped.

Everyone else soon followed.

"Traitor and liar!" Nora yelled.

"So Gary is involved too, that makes sense, that whole prophecy business had so many holes in it." Blake explained. "Vic must have...I don't know it's confusing."

"It is." Ren sighed.

**York: "That won't be necessary, D. Look, what's your recommendation? We in or we out?"**

**Delta: "Tactical Matrix is incalculable. Outcome is uncertain. Chance of success is unknown. But, a little payback would be nice."**

"It always is." Nora grinned.

**York: "We're in"**

**The screen faded to black.**

Without missing a beat Jaune hit play.

" **Out of Mind part 4" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

Ruby, Nora, Yang, and Jaune hummed the theme easily but the others had a harder time.

"I really like this theme." Yang commented.

**Credits come in panning down a very tall building to York and Tex behind a rock looking up at it.**

**Tex: "Okay, I'm officially worried. There hasn't been any movement for days. It looks like they've bunkered down, or left."**

"Probably tunnels." Blake commented. "Most White Fang hideouts have tunnels or use the sewers."

**York: "Yep. What do you think, D?"**

**Delta: "If Omega is inside the building, we must enter to locate him. If he has already left, that building contains the only clues to his current location. In either scenario, we must-"**

"I like that Delta is in a Ring 2 armor set." Pyrrha commented. "It's interesting."

Blake nodded, "It is a great choice, Ring 2 is from seasons one to two right?"

Jaune nodded.

**York: "Let's go."**

**York and Tex run along the desert plain toward the building**

**Tex: "Okay then, stick to the plan. We split, maintain visual, no radios, movement on fours. Sync?"**

**York: "Synced."**

Weiss grinned, "Actual military talk, wow."

**Tex: "Go."**

**York runs forward**

**Delta: "(in his head) York, I am concerned. I have been monitoring Agent Texas, her vital statistics are well above normal."**

"Wonder how he will react to find out she's dead." Jaune commented.

**York: "I'm sure she's just tense, D."**

**Tex runs by**

**York: "Okay? I am too, and I'm not fighting something that lived in my head for a few years."**

Blake sighed, "Fighting inner demons is never easy." She thought of Adam and the White Fang.

**Delta: "(appearing and running too) Agree, but the anomoly is worth noting. Once we encounter the target her emotions may make her actions erratic."**

Everyone looked over to Blake, when she noticed she growled and glared at everyone until they looked away.

**York: "What can I tell ya? Just one of the things that makes us human, D."**

**Delta: "(catching up) Excellent point, York. I was not looking at it from a flawed perspective. I will try to do so in the future."**

Ren chuckled, "Flawed perspective."

**York: "Well it sure would make these conversations easier. Thanks for coming down to my level, D."**

**Delta: "I am here to assist."**

Ren laughed, "I like Delta."

Nora chuckled, "Of course _you_ would."

**Tex and York run in to the base and join up inside**

**Tex: "No vis."**

**York: "No vis."**

**Tex: "There it is, bust the lock and this teleporter will take us up top."**

**York: "Whoa whoa, you said an** _ **encrypted**_ **lock. This is a** _ **holographic**_ **lock."**

Blake frowned. "How can you pick a holographic lock? How would a holographic lock even protect anything?"

"It's probably not a normal lock, and it's something you have to hack." Jaune explained.

**Tex: "** _**Is there a difference?"** _

**York: "** _ **Yeah,**_ **hence the two names."**

**Tex: "So can you open it or not?"**

**York: "Of course I can! It's just much "**

**harder. I just brought it up 'cause I wanted you to realize how kick-ass I am."**

"I like York." Yang laughed.

"Me too." Jaune smiled.

**Tex: "I'm convinced, get to work."**

**Delta: "(reappearing) York, why are we doing this? Killing Omega will not repair the damage he did to your optic nerve."**

"Revenge." Blake and Ren sighed.

**York: "I'm not doin' it to fix my eye, D. I'm doin' it because my eye is broken."**

**Delta: "I apologize, but that does not make sense to me."**

**York: "Omega and Allison were always the best.** _ **Noone**_ **could compete with them. Not me, not Wyoming not** _ **anybody**_ **. Trying to beat them when I should have given up is how I got hurt in the first place."**

Ren grimaced.

**Delta: "Oh, so it is pride. I was registering an emotion, but I incorrectly categorized it as 'stupidity.'"**

Ren and Blake laughed.

**York: "Yeah, they're closely related"**

**The screen faded to black.**

"That's true." Blake laughed.

Weiss and Ren chuckled.

" **Out of Mind part 5" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

"I really like this mini series so far." Ruby commented.

"Me too, so much new information." Ren said pouring over his notes.

"I don't like that each chapter is so short." Weiss commented.

"Thanks Weiss, always looking for the negative." Yang groaned.

**Credits come in over Tex preparing for battle, and York opening the teleporter**

**Tex: "Okay I'll take the lead. Give me fifteen seconds then follow, sync?"**

**York: "Sync."**

"The Atlas military uses the exact same military terms." Weiss commented. "Winter taught me them all."

**Tex runs through the teleporter**

**York: "I need you to stay tight D, watch my bad side."**

**Delta: "Of course, watching left. Execute in, three, two, one, execute. Good luck."**

"Left side..." Ren mumbled writing it down.

**York: "Thanks."**

**York runs through the teleporter and joins the firefight as a grenade is going off.**

**Delta: "Target down...Target Locked Cover recommended."**

"Woah! Straight into the action." Yang yelled.

**York: "Tex, sitrep!"**

**Tex: "Five of them at three six and three O!"**

**Delta: "Three Alpha mark. I do believe I've received the next part of the sentence."**

"Whats happening?" Ruby asked. "They're all moving and talking so fast!"

"I can't keep up with it!" Nora complained.

Weiss sighed, "The insanity of battle."

**Tex: "(shooting one) Dead one at three, one down, cover my thirteen!"**

**Delta: "Problem, beta and small explosives needed."**

**York: "Ace?"**

"Huh?" Ruby mumbled.

**Tex: "Y, stop thinking! Go low!"**

**York: "Copy."**

**Tex: "Next reload, let's split up, you go Bravo."**

**York: "Copy. D, need a speaker for mark."**

"I only vaguely remember these terms" Weiss muttered.

**Delta: "Speaker active."**

**Tex: "Copy."**

**Delta: "Mark."**

**Tex and York: "Mark!"**

**Tex and York run out and slaughter everyone except Wyoming.**

"Bad _ass!_ " Yang grinned.

**Delta: "Reload and go. Three. Enemy eliminated. 92% efficiency. 36 rounds of 39 fired."**

"I wish I had an AI like him." Ren commented.

**Tex: "Dammit, jam! Cover, cover cover!"**

**Wyoming fires at York on his way by**

**Delta: "Alarm!"**

**Wyoming hits York on his vulnerable left side.**

**York: "agghhhh!"**

Everyone grimaced and cringed.

"That sounded bad." Ruby said simply.

**Tex throws a grenade to move Wyoming away.**

**Tex: "York, are you okay?"**

**York: "It's that damn left side."**

**Tex: "D, info."**

**Delta: "York has sustained two wounds to his upper-left chest. Recommend evac stat."**

"It's bad." Yang said confirming Ruby.

**York: "Just, need a minute. Heahh."**

**Delta: "Administering field stint, and analgesic"**

**York: "Wait, Tex, don't don't let 'im-"**

**York passes out.**

"Analgesic drugs are for relieving pain, but also have the tendency to knock people out." Ren commented.

**Delta: "York is now unconscious. Alarm: target Alpha has reloaded."**

"Wow he is so much more useful than O'Malley." Weiss commented.

**Tex: "How bad is it D?"**

**Delta: "York will not survive."**

Everyone grimaced again.

"Aww, I was starting to like him." Yang pouted.

"Sucks that they added a new character only to kill him off so quickly." Pyrrha agreed.

**Tex: "Okay D, hop in to me. I'll host you until we get outta this."**

**Delta: "Thank you Allison, but I would prefer to stay, with York. He will need me to maintain his pain medication."**

"It's still weird hearing them call Tex Allison." Yang commented.

"It's still weird hearing professor Goodwitches voice." Ruby laughed.

Everyone else laughed too.

**Tex: "An A.I. can't fall in to enemy hands, D. If you're in there when he dies, you know what the armour's protocol will do to you."**

**Delta: "I would prefer to stay with York."**

"That's sweet, and sad." Pyrrha commented.

Ruby sniffed, "Yeah, a computer program having emotions." Ruby thought of Penny.

**Tex: "That's very kind of you D."**

**Delta: "It's just part of what makes us human, Tex."**

Ruby nodded and Pyrrha smiled.

**Tex walks out toward Wyoming, who shoots her in the front... a lot... but she doesn't go down.**

"Huh?" Ruby mumbled.

**Instead, she turns in to a hologram, and the real Tex flanks him unaware.**

"Smart, so holograms is her armor ability, it seems invisibility is something they all have." Ren commented.

Jaune gasped, "Wyoming's armor ability is Time trave- wait, no that's stupid." Jaune sighed.

"Yeah, if the simulation theory is true." Ren pointed out. "But if it's not then time distortion would make sense, although now that I think about it, Gamma could have left Wyoming and become Gary. He could be totally unrelated to Vic and Omega."

Jaune nodded, "That does make sense."

**Tex: "Don't move."**

**Wyoming: "How in bloody hell?"**

**Tex: "Thanks for the light show, D."**

"Hmm so that's York's armor ability." Ren commented.

**Delta: "I'm here to assist."**

**Wyoming: "Oh Bollucks."**

**Delta: "However I am afraid I will not be able to assist you further. York's armour is beginning to shut down."**

**Tex: "I understand."**

**Delta: "Good luck to both of you."**

"Both?" Nora said confused.

 **Wyoming: "** _ **Both**_ **of us? You** _ **must**_ **be failing if you wish your enemy luck."**

**Delta: "Good and evil are human constructs, Reginald. I was merely attempting to be courteous (shuts down)"**

Ren smiled sadly, "I really like Delta."

**Wyoming: "Well one more freelancer gone. I'm afraid the reunion committee will be none to happy to hear about that."**

"I think Gamma did leave Wyoming forcefully, that's maybe why Wyoming is so weird, Delta mentioned it had a bad effect on someones psyche." Ren commented.

**Tex: "Can it. Tell me where Omega is and don't play dumb with me."**

**Wyoming: "Hardly. I do beleive our dear Omega is currently killing all your friends in that miserable canyon."**

Yang laughed, "No he's helping Tucker give birth."

"No, he left Doc remember?" Jaune pointed out.

Pyrrha sighed, "Things aren't looking good."

"Things are picking up." Blake grinned in anticipation.

**Tex: "What? Why?"**

**Wyoming: "I might have mentioned you were there. He's quite keen to make your acquaintence again."**

"But he saw Tex at the temple?" Ren said confused.

 **Tex: "But you** _ **saw**_ **me at the snow fortress!"**

Ren chuckled to himself.

**Wyoming: "Tex may I remind you I still have a contract on some of those people at Blood Gulch. I figured why not kill eight birds with one stone, eh?"**

"Clever." Blake gritted through her teeth.

**Tex: "Well, you just signed his death warrant."**

**Wyoming: "Afraid not my dear. You see he's already moved on to someone else, and you'll have no way of telling who."**

Ren grinned, "It's a mystery."

"I wonder if we can find out who." Blake smiled.

"Ohh lets make it a game!" Nora smiled.

"Great idea! First person to find out who he's in wins...something." Ruby said.

"How about whoever wins gets...80 Lien, we can all put in 10." Yang suggested.

Everyone nodded.

"I like that idea." Jaune said pulling out his wallet.

Everyone put their lien in into a pile, Ren grabbed it all and put it in a small box.

"Whoever guesses it right gets it, we start guesses at the start of season five, lets say after ten episodes unless it's mentioned earlier." Ren explained the rules.

Everyone nodded.

"Wouldn't it make more sense just to pause it when it's about to reveal it? It would be pretty easy to guess. Someone would say something like, 'O'Malley is in' and then they would say it." Yang pointed out.

"I think I can pause it that fast." Jaune said.

"But what if they show that person talking like O'Malley?" Ruby asked.

Yang shrugged, "Then we get out Lien back unless we made guesses before."

**Tex: "Who did he jump in to?"**

**Wyoming: "Huh, hmhmhm, that dear Tex is between me and Omega. Oh, but you'll find out soon enough."**

**Tex: "You know what? You don't** _ **have**_ **to tell me. All I have to do is pummel you senseless, rip off your helmet, and access your communication logs. I'll know ex** _ **actly**_ **where he is."**

Yang grinned.

 **Wyoming: "Uh, hm. I see. Well in that case, perhaps I** _ **shall**_ **tell you."**

**Tex: "Nah, I like my way better"**

**Tex punches Wyoming and the screen turns black.**

Yang laughed, "Tex is such a badass it's awesome!"

"Yeah!" Nora cheered.

Jaune smiled, "And it looks like Out of Mind is over. That means season five is next. Unless there's another Mini series." Jaune joked.


	79. S5E78 You Can't Park here

**Author's Note:**

**So just a reminder, this is Episode 78, here that? 7 added to 8 equals 78. This is NOT episode 79 because again. 78. If this sounds condescending I'm sorry. But trust me, at least one person will message me about how I'm an episode off. (That being said it is confusing me too)**

**Sorry for the chapter taking so long, again this is a hobby for me and I was getting tired of writing for a while. It got to the point where it wasn't fun and it felt like work you know? Like something I had to do. And if I didn't feel like writing well, quality would go down as you can tell in some chapters.**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 79- You Can't Park Here**

"It's still amazing how just four days ago Jaune's scroll was messing up and now we're watching this show." Ruby commented.

"Out of context that sounds stupid." Yang laughed.

"I see what Ruby is saying though." Weiss cut in, "Without this show I would never have known about Solar Power."

"Hows that going by the way? Anymore research?" Jaune asked.

Weiss sighed, "Not that well, the initial period of amazement has passed and now I can't stop thinking about all the problems with solar power."

"You should be somewhat optimistic." Pyrrha advised. "It is an alternate power source."

Weiss nodded, "I should, but It's hard." Weiss shrugged.

"So...can we start it already?" Nora asked.

**The episode started playing by showing a Pelican flying towards the Halo Ring.**

Everyone leaned forward.

**The new intro song, "Return" started playing.**

"Is this a new intro?" Weiss asked.

Ren nodded.

**The camera zoomed in to show Red Team with Sarge in front, Grif driving the Warthog with Simmons in Gunner and Donut in the ghost.**

"I like this intro." Yang smiled.

"The song is worse though." Blake added.

Jaune and Ruby nodded in agreement.

"I still wonder who O'Malley is in." Ren commented.

"Yeah which by the way, what happens if more than one person guesses who he's in?" Blake asked.

"Yeah I was thinking about that too." Jaune added.

"We could just have all the losers pay the winners." Yang suggested. "Instead of just the 80 Lien."

...

"I like that Idea." Ren smiled.

"Of course you do, You can guess everything." Nora groaned.

"They were very obvious with Gamma and Wyoming. They did everything but say it outright." Ren explained.

"That's true." Blake commented.

"I haven't been able to guess anything truly important before without foreshadowing." Ren pointed out.

"Anyway, does everyone agree?" Yang asked grabbing the box of Lien.

Everyone nodded.

Yang opened the box and handed everyone their ten lien back.

"So are we still clear on the rules? We can write the name on a piece of paper or something. I say we guess once this episode ends, and after every episode we guess again." Yang explained.

"That's a great idea." Pyrrha complimented.

**"You Can't Park Here" appeared on he screen with the theme.**

All eight hummed the theme happily after going a mini series without it.

**The camera showed Sarge, then Grif, then Donut, then Simmons before Zooming back over to Blue Team with Church in front, Caboose and Sheila to the left and Tex with Tucker to the right.**

**The camera zoomed into Church first then Tex, then Caboose who kept turning around as the name tried to follow him, then to Sheila and finally Tucker pulling out his sword.**

Jaune leaned forward, "That sword cannot come soon enough."

**Tucker slashed his sword switching the camera to show Wyoming and then the camera zoomed through Wyoming's sniper scope to show Vic.**

"Wyoming is still alive then?" Ruby asked.

Yang groaned, "Why would she let him live?"

"Maybe because they used to be friends? Delta suggested something like that." Pyrrha explained.

**The camera then cut to Doc, and then to Andy with Lopez next to him. The camera then cut to show Gary/Gamma with "knock knock" on his screen.**

Ren and Yang chuckled.

**After that a bunch of action montage clips started playing with some showing different views of events we have already seen, pretty badass right?**

"That was badass." Yang smiled.

"I liked the old music though." Jaune sighed.

" _Violets are Blue, Roses are Red"_ Weiss sang.

Ruby smiled.

**Fade in to Blue Base.**

**Church enters as thumping sounds are audible within.**

**Church: "Hey Doc, what the hell's going on in there?"**

**The sound of something glass breaking can be heard.**

Jaune, Pyrrha, and Ren tensed up and looked over to Nora. When they saw that she was just watching the show they sighed in relief and relaxed their shoulders.

"It just came from the show." Jaune whispered in relief.

**Doc: "Church, everything's fine. The patient is just resting."**

"He's a bad liar." Blake laughed. "

 **Church: "Doesn't** _ **sound**_ **like he's resting."**

**More crashing sounds.**

"Feels like we're listening to Nora from outside the dorm." Pyrrha joked.

Ren and Jaune laughed while Nora huffed.

**Doc: "That's not Tucker, that's our new arrival."**

**Junior: "Blarrrrrrg."**

"Eaugh! Wonder what it looks like, half human half- half whatever that gross alien was." Weiss coughed.

**Doc: "He's got a lot of energy since his first feeding."**

Yang and Ruby shook their heads while Weiss coughed again. Blake sighed.

**Church: "Tucker,** _**fed** _ **, the baby? Gross."**

"My thoughts exactly." Weiss chuckled.

**Doc: "Actually Caboose was kind enough to donate some blood. You know what they say, it takes a village."**

"It drinks blood? Not milk?" Ruby asked.

"Hmm, fits the parasite description Andy gave." Ren commented.

"Caboose is brave to donate blood but...donating blood is very tough on the body the first time." Pyrrha commented.

"You've donated blood?" Ruby asked.

Pyrrha nodded, "Of course, I first heard of it when a PR Rep suggested it for fame. I made sure that no one reported it. I didn't want it to be seen as me trying to look good. I wanted to do it to save someone." Pyrrha explained.

Weiss nodded understanding.

Ruby huffed, "They kept saying I was too young to donate blood...Also I don't like needles." Ruby shivered.

"You know they give you cookies after you donate blood." Pyrrha pointed out. "And you're 15 which means you're old enough."

Ruby and Nora gasped.

"Cookies!" They chorused.

Yang and Ren chuckled.

"After we finish this season we can all take a trip to a hospital in Vale and donate blood, they're always willing to take Huntsman and Huntresses blood because some scientists say it's better because of Aura." Ren explained.

"I wanna go too." Yang said raising a hand.

Jaune sighed, "I hate needles too but..ok I'll go too."

"Needles are a small price to pay for cookies." Nora said confidently before the realization that she would have to willingly let someone stick a needle in her.

Blake sighed, "Hopefully they won't realize I'm a Faunus. Some hospitals refuse Faunus donors."

Weiss shook her head. "Despicable, but I think they will be too distracted by me and Pyrrha to care."

Pyrrha sighed and nodded.

"That's true, thanks." Blake smiled to both Weiss and Pyrrha.

"Our first official Mission as Toon RRAYNNBW!" Ruby shouted.

Weiss smiled, "Yeah!"

Blake smiled looking in her notebook, her sketch for the Emblem was coming along. But she wouldn't decide to use it until the season was over.

**Church: "How'd you get him to agree to that?"**

Pyrrha leaned forward.

**Doc: "It's amazing what Caboose will do if you promise him a cookie and a glass of orange juice."**

Yang, Ren, Jaune, and Pyrrha chuckled.

Yang knew all that Ruby would do for a cookie and a glass of milk while team JNPR knew what Nora would do for a cookie and a glass or orange juice.

**Baby Alien: "Blarg honk, honk!"**

"Normally Babies should be sleeping or crying, it sounds like it's already a toddler." Jaune commented.

Ren nodded, "It is a parasite." Ren pointed out.

**Church: "He hates needles."**

"Me too." Ruby, Nora, and Jaune said at the same time.

**Doc: "No needles; it turns out if you just expose some bare skin, the little guy just digs right in!"**

"Why is he talking as if it's cute?" Weiss asked.

**Caboose emerges behind Doc.**

**Doc: "It's like a** _ **miracle**_ **to see nature at work."**

"I agree with that but not in this case." Ren commented.

**Caboose: "I feel dizzy!"**

"Blood-loss will do that to you." Pyrrha shook her head.

**Church: "Um, is he gonna be okay?"**

**Doc: "Tucker's kid drank half a gallon in one go. I'n't that cool? I think he's gonna be a linebacker. Or a vampire.** _ **Or a vampire linebacker!**_ **That'd be crazy."**

"Half a gallon!" Pyrrha gasped. "That's way too much."

Ren nodded, "Even if he had aura which he doesn't it would be bad."

"What's a vampire linebacker?" Nora asked.

Ren sighed, "Context clues make me think Linebacker has something to do with blood. I don't know what a Vampire is."

**Caboose: "(looking around randomly) Oooooh..."**

Pyrrha and Ren shook their heads.

"I once injured my leg badly when I didn't have aura and lost a lot of blood." Ren commented.

Nora sighed, "I remember that. You kept passing out and talking about random things."

Ren nodded, "Until my aura started coming back and my leg healed, he to bandage it up but after a day it was fine."

 **Doc: "Anyway blood** _ **is**_ **pretty important, so Caboose is bound to have some side effects like dizziness, or nausea, or sensitivity to light-"**

Ren nodded at each side effect.

**Caboose: "I think I'm going to stop standing up now."**

**Caboose collapses in a heap.**

Pyrrha sighed, "Half a gallon is nothing that he will die on."

Yang chuckled, "I think I'm going to stop standing up now" Yang quoted laughing.

Ruby, Blake, and Weiss chuckled too.

**Doc: "Or passing out."**

**Caboose: "Church if I die I want you to have my orange juice."**

"Never give away your orange juice." Nora said crossing her arms.

**Baby Alien: "Blargblargblargblargblargblarg!"**

**Mor crashing sounds.**

**Church: "How can Tucker sleep with all that** _**racket?"** _

**Doc: "** _ **Sleeping?**_ **He's not sleeping... He's in a coma."**

Weiss snickered and shook her head.

"My mom went into a mini coma after one of my sisters was born...it was so long ago I can't remember who." Jaune commented.

**Church: "Alright, that's it. Get out of the way Doc. I'll take care o' this."**

"Church is in over his head." Weiss commented.

Blake frowned. "I'm worried about what he means by take care of it."

**Caboose: "I can't feel my torso."**

Ren nodded remembering that symptom.

 **Doc: "I don't think so. A newborn is** _ **really susceptable**_ **to infection, and disease. And cuddling. I only wanna expose it to as few people as possible."**

Jaune nodded, "Mom and Dad only wanted close family around my baby sisters."

"And cuddling?" Weiss said skeptically. "I doubt it's cute."

**Church: "Doc, don't worry, I'm not gonna give it a cold. I'm just gonna go in there, step on its neck and shoot it in the head. Because that's how I roll."**

"He's going to kill the baby?" Ruby asked horrified.

Pyrrha gasped, "That's cruel!"

Ren lifted a finger, "Remember. It is a parasite. But killing it is drastic."

Weiss nodded.

Blake sighed and shook her head. "I think they should give it a chance before killing it."

Pyrrha and Ruby nodded.

 **Doc: "Well now you're** _ **definitely**_ **not coming in. And I think we're gonna send back your shower gift too."**

**Caboose: "I'm still laying here. Why won't anyone help me."**

Yang and Jaune chuckled while Pyrrha sighed and laughed.

"I love Caboose." Pyrrha chuckled, "I love his lines."

**Church: "I tell you what - I promise to wash my hands before I destroy the abomination of nature, okay?"**

Weiss was the only one who laughed.

**Doc: "Sorry."**

**Church: "Doc - Seriously, you can't keep me from going inside my own base."**

**Doc: "Church, don't make me pull rank on you."**

"He's a medic? He doesn't have a higher rank." Weiss commented. "Medics only slightly outrank Privates and even if Church wasn't necessarily promoted he is still leading others. So he doesn't outrank him." Weiss explained.

 **Church: "Rh-** _ **rank?**_ **What the fuck- I outrank, you don't outrank me I'm a Captain!"**

 **Doc: "No, you're a Private with a** _ **dead**_ **Captain. The last time I checked, that makes you a Private. With a dead Captain."**

Weiss chuckled, "That's true."

**Caboose: "My body... is trying to die."**

Pyrrha shook her head while the others laughed.

**Church: "W-okay fine, then we're both Privates, you don't outrank me."**

**Doc: "No, I'm Medical** _**Super-Private, First Class."** _

"That doesn't sound real." Weiss commented.

**Church: "That's not a real rank."**

Weiss nodded.

**Doc: "Yes it is."**

**Church: "Since when?"**

**Doc: "Uh, since I sent them a letter every day for four years requesting that promotion."**

"Persistent." Blake commented.

"That had to be annoying." Jaune laughed.

Weiss shook her head, "He wouldn't have been promoted. He should have been punished for that. Wasting the militaries time."

**Baby Alien: "Harrgh!"**

**Church: "They promoted you for** _**that!? You haven't even used your weapon!"** _

**Doc: "Leadership isn't about firing bullets and stabbing people Church, leadership is about being able to tell** _ **others**_ **to fire bullets and stab people."**

Weiss laughed, "I'm going to tell Winter that...actually I shouldn't. Not formal." Weiss groaned.

"I thought you said your sister wasn't that formal?" Yang said confused.

"Sometimes, only when we were younger and alone. She's still formal." Weiss sighed. "If I word it correctly I could tell that joke to her. But she might be offended."

"Yeah." Blake agreed. "She's in the army and telling other people to fire bullets and stab people might bring up bad memories. Maybe just about Grimm but I know the Atlas military has fought the White Fang before."

"...well you two have ruined the joke." Yang sighed crossing her arms.

 **Caboose: "If I've been bitten, does that mean I'm going to turn** _ **in**_ **to one of them?"**

**Church: "Shut up Caboose."**

**Caboose: "Blaaaaaaaaaa-"**

Pyrrha laughed, "He's going to be fine."

**Church: "Shut up Caboose."**

**Caboose: "-aaaaarg. Oh no, don't let me turn."**

"Imagine if a Grimm bit you and you turned into one of them!" Nora gasped.

Everyone trembled a bit and shook their heads.

**The sound of the ship falling heavily to the ground is heard. The ground promptly shakes.**

**Church: "The hell was that!?"**

**Caboose: "I didn't feel anything."**

Pyrrha shook her head and Ren sighed, remembering that symptom also.

**Church: "I'll be right back- don't feed any more of our soldiers to the Alien."**

**Church bravely runs off**

**Doc: "Okay, but I can't make any promises."**

"Doc is going to be the death of Church." Weiss laughed.

**Caboose: "Don't leave me with the horrible doctor."**

**Doc: "Oh shut up Caboose."**

**Caboose: "Now he's cursing at me."**

**Cut to the large spaceship which has fallen almost directly on Donut both just now and at the end of episode 77.**

**Sarge: "Simmons, status report. (coughs)"**

"I really hope Donut isn't dead." Nora said hopefully.

"If he is he can still be a ghost." Weiss pointed out.

Ren nodded, "I'm still wondering why none of the other soldiers are turning into ghosts. But because both Tex and Church turned into ghosts I assume it can happen to anyone."

"It happened to Sarge remember? He was dead until Grif saved him." Jaune pointed out.

Ren nodded.

**Simmons: "Um, an enormous thing just fell out of the sky, and landed on Donut, Sir."**

"No shit" Yang sighed.

**Sarge: "Are there any other injuries?"**

"Good of him to ask." Pyrrha smiled.

Weiss sighed, "I've learned that every time he seems like a good leader I'm wrong, just wait for it."

**Simmons: "No Sir!"**

**Sarge: "You sure?"**

**Simmons: "I think so."**

**Sarge: "Are you sure? No-one** _ **accidentally**_ **got shot in the face when someone else's shotgun just accidentally went off during the** _ **incredible distraction**_ **of a spaceship crash landing. Purely by coincidence?"**

Pyrrha sighed while Weiss smirked.

**Simmons: "Uh, I don't kno-"**

**Sarge: "** _**No-one orange?"** _

**Grif: "Uhgh, I'm fine."**

**Simmons: "Sorry Sir."**

**Sarge: "Oh dehrh. I really need to adjust the sights on this thing."**

**Sarge looks through the sights of his Shotgun.**

"They have really gotten good at moving the Video game avatars like real people." Jaune commented.

"I know it's so cool!" Ruby smiled.

"What game could we do that in?" Yang asked.

Ruby and Jaune thought for a second.

"Call of Unity?" Jaune suggested.

Ruby nodded, "Yeah that could work. Atlas Ops two could work the best."

 **Simmons: "What about Private Donut, Sir? There's** _ **no way**_ **he survived** _ **that**_ **. Poor Donut. I'll miss him like a sister."**

Yang chuckled.

"I don't want Donut to be dead." Nora sighed.

"Me too, I like Donut." Pyrrha added.

**Sarge: "I'll miss him like... well, like someone I knew but that I don't really wanna reflect on how deep our relationship went."**

Pyrrha smiled.

**As Sarge is talking, a tapping sound is heard and continues**

"What is that?" Ruby asked.

**Simmons: "Wait a second, do you hear that? It sounds like tapping."**

"Donut's Alive!" Nora yelled happily.

**Grif: "All I hear is you guys talkin' about your feelings for Donut. And I have to say, I'm not really comfortable with that."**

**Simmons: "** _**Listen** _ **, there it is again!"**

**Sarge: "You're absolutely right! That sounds like Morris Code."**

"A tapping code? That sounds weird." Ruby commented.

"No, no that's smart!" Weiss smiled. "Wow I wonder if the Atlas military has something like that? I'm going to ask Winter." Weiss said pulling out her scroll.

 **Simmons: "Um, excuse me Sir, it's actually not** _ **Morris**_ **Code? It's Morse Code, Sir."**

**Sarge: "Morse, heh. That sounds ridiculous. I don't think so."**

**Simmons: "Yes.** _ **Morse**_ **is the person who developed an international code for communicating without audio. Mor** _ **ris**_ **was a television cat that sold cat food."**

Yang snickered and looked at Blake who growled at Yang.

"You are bordering on Racist Yang." Blake growled.

Yang stopped laughing but kept her grin.

**Sarge: "And that cat was one of our** _**finest military minds** _ **, don't you see? That just means Donut is alive and trying to contact us! Now, get to tappin'."**

"Yes!" Nora cheered.

**Simmons: "Maybe we can lift the ship off of him somehow."**

"Hmm." Ren started thinking.

 **Sarge: "Great idea, Simmons! I've read reports that people can get e** _ **normous strength**_ **in stressful situations. There was one woman who lifted a car off her baby."**

"I've heard of stuff like that." Jaune commented.

"It's the survival instinct, and for the mother its the instinct to protect her baby." Ren explained.

"Wonder if Tucker will have it." Ruby added.

"Ohhh! Church and Tucker fight!" Nora grinned.

**Grif: "You want me to call Donut's mother?"**

**Sarge: "Don't make me angry, Grif. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. Now if only there were some way to tap in to our inner rage, like that Hulk fella. Dang nabbit! There's never any gamma radiation around when you need it."**

"Another reference." Yang sighed.

 **Simmons: "Well what if we tried getting in to the ship, and lowering the landing gear? That might** _ **raise**_ **the ship-"**

"That could work." Ren commented.

 **Sarge: "Or, we could build an army of clones that could** _ **lift**_ **the ship-"**

"That could work." Nora commented.

**Simmons: "I think that the jack in the Warthog might be able to lift it..."**

**Sarge: "Could develop a machine that shrinks the ship,** _ **or**_ **that makes Donut gigantic! Or both."**

Nora gasped while Ren and Blake sighed.

**Simmons: "Or we could try digging underneath the hull."**

"He's not going to listen to reason." Blake sighed.

**Sarge: "I've got it! A levitation ray. I think I have a spare in the base! I'll be right back."**

**Simmons: "But Sir!"**

**Sarge: "Simmons there's no time to chat about your crackpot theories! (gets in the Warthog) This is a crisis situation. Time to save us all, with science."**

**Sarge drives off**

**Sarge: "Pshew! Off."**

**Grif: "Uhf, Sage just drove away with our jack, didn't he."**

Ren, Weiss, and Blake shook their heads.

**Simmons: "And our shovels. Sometimes I'm amazed our entire platoon hasn't starved to death."**

**Cut to show Church standing next to the ship.**

"The animation for the ship is really bad, it's really annoying me." Blake commented.

"Me too." Weiss added.

"Rules out the creators being professional." Ren commented writing in his notes.

"It doesn't look like the ship is a part of the game." Jaune commented.

Ren nodded, "Also means they didn't create the game."

**Church: "What the fuck are you guys doing out here, breaking the canyon?"**

**Grif: "Fuhuck off, Blue. A ship just crashed on one of our guys."**

**Church: "What, this ship?"**

Yang and Weiss facepalmed.

**Simmons: "No, another ship. Then that ship left, and this ship crashed in the exact same spot."**

Yang and Weiss laughed.

**Church: "Where'd it come from?"**

**Grif: "It's a spaceship, it came from space."**

**Church: "... ... ... Dibs."**

Ruby and Nora gasped.

"I can't believe they didn't call dibs first!" Ruby commented.

"I know that's like Dibs 101." Nora added.

Weiss shook her head. "So childish sometimes." She mumbled.

**Simmons: "What?"**

**Church: "Dibs. I just called dibs. This is my ship now. Dibs."**

**Simmons: "No it isn't** _**jackass** _ **, we found it first."**

"Well now they have a reason to fight again." Yang laughed.

Pyrrha groaned.

**Church: "Yeah but you didn't call dibs. I did. Dibs. See?"**

**Grif: "You can't call dibs on a spaceship! That's ridiculous."**

"You can call dibs on objects in certain situations." Nora pointed out.

Ruby nodded.

**Church: "Yehehah, yes I can. Dibs- see? I just did it again. Now, get the fuck away from my ship, tomato can."**

**Simmons: "Don't call me tomato can."**

**Grif: "Try and take it then."**

**Church: "Um... okay. Sheila?"**

**Camera pans over to Sheila.**

Yang, Nora, Jaune, and Ruby started laughing.

**Sheila: "You bet."**

**Grif: "Fuck! You forgot about that too, didn't you."**

**Simmons: "Yeah, kinda."**

"She was there the entire time." Weiss facepalmed.

**Sheila: "Now step away from the ship, tomato can."**

**Grif: "Ha ha, tomato can."**

**Sheila: "You too, lemon head."**

**Grif: "Hey I'm orange, not yellow!"**

"Still looks yellow to me." Ren sighed.

**Sheila: "(in a weird voice) Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha"**

**The scene faded to black.**

"Well I have my guess." Yang laughed.

Everyone looked at her.

Yang sighed, "Gave it away didn't I?"

Everyone nodded.

"Everyone just write your guess on a slip of paper and put it in...this bowl." Yang said grabbing a bowl.

Everyone did.

"Ok lets play the next one." Jaune said pressing play.

**Guesses:**

**Ruby- Sheila**

**Weiss- Sheila**

**Blake- Sheila**

**Yang- Sheila**

**Jaune- Sheila**

**Nora- Sheila**

**Pyrrha- Sheila**

**Ren- Not Sheila**


	80. S5E79 Got Your Back

**Author's Note:**

**If anyone hasn't listened to the RWBY song "Lusus Naturae" please do. It gives so much information and reason for Doctor Merlot's experiments. I wish Grimm eclipse was Canon but it doesn't make sense with the main cast of RWBY characters. It would have been better with entire new characters or after the fall of Beacon Team CRDL or Team CFVY.**

**Originally I thought the Grimm eclipse story wasn't that good but after hearing that song I felt like there was so much more to it. It could be amazing and I hope in future seasons of RWBY Dr Merlot is somehow canon as another character. Not as a Villain and not as a good guy, but as just another person with goals.**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 80- Got Your Back**

Blake groaned and got up.

"What's wrong?" Ruby asked.

Blake looked back. "What? Nothing just uncomfortable I'm getting a pillow." Blake said pointing to a black pillow on the floor.

Blake walked over and bent over to pick it up as Ruby gasped.

"Wait Blake! That's not a pillow thats!-"

"Gahhh!" Blake screamed.

"Zwei." Ruby said sheepishly.

"Arf!" Zwei barked angrily at being woken up.

"Why is Zwei in here!" Blake yelled. "I thought he was in our room!"

Yang laughed, "We thought you didn't want him sleeping in your bed."

Blake narrowed her eyes at Yang's mischievous grin.

Ruby sighed as she picked up Zwei, sitting back down with him curled up in her lap as Weiss glared at her jealously.

Blake huffed and sat back down next to Ren, far away from Ruby.

" **Got Your Back" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

The eight hummed it happily.

**Fade in to the showdown in the middle of the Gulch at the spaceship, with tapping and everything**

**Church: "What the hell is that tapping noise? Sounds like Morris Code."**

**Simmons: "Morse."**

**Church: "Sheila, if he corrects me again, please make him blow up."**

"Hey Weiss, just so you know, that's how I feel every time you correct me." Yang said gesturing to the screen.

**Sheila: "Ah huhah, sounds like fun. (trains her turret on them)"**

"It can't be that obvious can it?" Ruby asked skeptically.

Ren nodded and thought to himself, _it is certainly not her, which is why I will win the bet._

"It can't be can it?" Nora asked.

"Maybe it's reverse psychology." Blake suggested.

Nora gasped. "Or double Reverse psychology!"

Ruby gasped.

"...so they're making it look like it's her, only to make you think it's not her...when it is her?" Yang asked flipping her arms around explaining it.

Nora and Ruby nodded vigorously.

Everyone looked at them.

**Church: "Well what does it say?"**

**Grif: "It says 'tap tap tap.' We don't know."**

Yang and Jaune laughed at the sarcasm.

**Simmons: "We were trying to translate it when you showed up an interrupted us."**

"They were?" Nora asked.

"No." Blake and Weiss chorused.

"Has Winter responded yet?" Ruby asked.

"To wha- oh! Yeah yeah Winter said that the Atlas military does not have anything like Morse code but liked the suggestion." Weiss smiled.

**Tapping is still going on, getting slightly annoying.**

**Church: "No, when I interrupted you, you were standing around doing** _**nothing** _ **. Just like the last fifty times I interrupted you guys. Oh wai-wai-wait, listenlisten! Listen, it says, 'Red, sucks, balls,' hey, look my new ship can talk! And it knows things. That's a good ship."**

Yang laughed, "I love Church and Grif."

"They're always standing around talking." Weiss said shaking her head with a smile.

"It's become a running joke, there are a lot of them." Jaune smiled.

**Simmons: "It's not your ship, it's our ship. We called it, and it came."**

**Cut to Church examining the Ship.**

**Church: "I don't know, I don't see any markings on it."**

**Simmons: "It landed on Donut!"**

Pyrrha and Nora sighed.

"I'm sure he's still in the show, he could be another ghost or just have lived." Blake shrugged.

Ren sighed because he was still frustratingly writing in his notes about how and why Church, Tex, and almost Sarge became ghosts but the other soldiers didn't.

**Sheila: "That was fantastic."**

"It has to be her." Ruby groaned, "but that's too obvious...right guys?" Ruby asked looking to everyone.

"We're not helping you!" Weiss said matter o' factly, "It's a bet remember?"

"Not like you need the extra cash." Yang laughed.

Weiss huffed, "I know I don't need it...I'm just competitive. Besides the money would go to something good."

"You already won queen position your ego doesn't need to get any bigger." Blake added.

Weiss glared at Blake.

"I think we all know Ren is going to win." Jaune sighed.

"Nope! I can see foreshadows too!" Nora smiled confidently.

Everyone sighed or laughed except for Ren who analyzed his notes trying to guess who O'Malley would jump into.

**Church: "How in the heck would that mean- oh wait, the pink guy? Oh I actually liked him!"**

"Me too." Pyrrha and Nora grumbled.

**Grif: "Seriously, what's with all these feelings for Donut?"**

"Donut is nice." Pyrrha commented.

"He throws grenades better than me!" Nora sighed, "I need to train."

**Simmons: "You can't have the ship."**

**Church: "I'm not asking for it: it's already mine. Right Sheila?"**

**Sheila: "Actually, I kind of like it. I think it is mine."**

Ren sighed, everything was pointing to Sheila, but maybe she was just malfunctioning after being alone for so long?

**Church: "Hey are you okay?"**

**Simmons: "(under his breath) I think there's something wrong with the tank."**

"No shit." Yang laughed.

**Grif: "Yeah, I noticed."**

**Simmons: "I've got an idea."**

**Grif: "Whoa, okay hold on a second. Before you get too deep in to this, let me remind you that we don't exactly have a good track record, when it comes to our plans and that tank."**

Jaune grinned, "The first time they made a plan around the tank they got shot at and got the warthog blown up."

"But they did indirectly kill a blue." Weiss pointed out.

**Simmons: "Come on Grif, I think the tank's malfunctioning."**

**Grif: "Well only** _ **one**_ **part of it has to function for me to get turned in to a cloud of orange mist."**

Ren smiler, that just confirmed his theory. But he wasn't going to help the others of course.

**Church: "Okay, just be cool."**

**Sheila: "I am cool. You be cool."**

"Very reassuring." Weiss joked sarcastically.

**Sarge: "Bad news, fellas, I couldn't find that levitation ray, but I did find the remote control to- hey, what's goin' on out here?! Whaddaya think you're doing you lousy Blue?"**

**Church: "I'm just trying to figure out what the deal is with this spaceship."**

**Sarge: "Dibs!"**

Ruby and Nora sighed.

**Grif and Simmons: "Too late."**

**Sarge: "Dang, nabbit! Why do I ever leave you two to guard anything?** _ **Everybody**_ **knows about the International Dibs Protocol! And the No Takebacks Accord."**

Nora and Ruby nodded and grinned.

Weiss scoffed, "Really? Who makes up these things? And who would ever follow these rules?"

"Uhh, everyone?" Nora said confused.

Ren sighed while Ruby and Jaune nodded.

**Sheila starts driving off**

Everyone looked at the screen confused.

**Church: "See guys, this is our ship. And by ours, I mean mine, and my... eighty ton... ...friend."**

**Church turns to see Sheila leaving.**

**Sheila: "Bye everyone."**

**Church: "Uh..."**

**All the Reds cock their weapons and point them at the stranded Blue**

**Church: "I'm gonna be right back."**

**Sheila: "Uh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh..."**

Everyone shook their heads and looked at their slips of paper. It couldn't be that easy could it?

**Sarge: "Hey Blue! You know that ship you called dibs on? Well I got next! Hah! Now the ship is mine again!"**

"Outstanding move." Nora grinned.

Ruby and Jaune laughed.

**Simmons: "Excellent strategy, Sir."**

Weiss shook her head at the mockery of military regulations and rules.

**Grif: "Jesus, remember when we used to solve problems with violence? Ah, the good ol' days."**

Yang frowned, "Jesus is a name right Ren?"

Ren nodded, "They used the word before as if it was a name."

"But they also curse with it?" Yang continued.

Ren shrugged, "Maybe it's both? But I don't see why it would be. Maybe the name is a derogatory term?"

Yang nodded.

Weiss sighed, "You suck at anything and everything about writing yet you talk like a scholar about curse words." Weiss said glaring at Yang.

Yang shrugged and smiled.

**Cut to Tucker and Caboose sprawled on the floor of Blue Base ...five feet apart because they're not gay! Church enters.**

**Church: "Caboose, where's Doc?"**

**Caboose: "Doc left. Took the baby for a walk. It's growing up so fast. Seems like just yesterday he was born."**

Pyrrha chuckled.

**Church: "Well actually, that's because he was, born today. Like, an hour ago."**

**Caboose: "We need to cherish these times. I wish I knew how to scrapbook."**

"Hard to cherish a baby when it's a nightmare to take care of." Jaune laughed.

"Couldn't have been all bad." Ren commented.

Jaune laughed again, "It wasn't but it is definitely hard."

**Church: "Where's Tucker?"**

**Caboose: "Still in a coma."**

**Church: "Great. Tucker's out, Sheila's on the fritz, and now Doc is babysitting. Caboose, if we survive the next five minutes, I'll be fuckin' amazed."**

"I feel kind of bad for Church." Weiss commented.

**Church exits back the way he came**

**Caboose: "I'm fine by the way! Don't worry about me. ...I'm so cold."**

Pyrrha shook her head and laughed.

**Cut to Sarge in front of the ship**

**Sarge: "Quit yer yammerin'. Let's see if we can get this thing movin'. I was thinkin' about our discussion earlier, and a-"**

**Simmons: "And you decided to use one of my ideas?"**

"Too good to be true." Blake sighed ad Weiss nodded.

**Sarge: "Course not! I've got a new much more realistic plan for lifting the ship. If Donut is underneath, all we need to do is enrage him to the point where he can lift the ship and our work is done. Now quick, help me think. What would make Donut furious."**

"I'm always stronger when I'm mad!" Yang grinned while flexing.

"Yeah!" Nora flexed.

"Yeah but Donut doesn't have an Aura, or Semblance." Pyrrha pointed out.

The two just shrugged.

**Grif: "I don't know, have you tried sharing your plan with him? That'd probably do it."**

**Sarge: "Hey Donut! I was back at the base reading some of your** _ **fashion mags**_ **\- they said that pink is no longer the new black! Turns out black is the new black, and pink is the old black. Which is now white! And it's after Labor Day, you know what that means -"**

"Labor day? Hmm a day to celebrate Women in labor..." Ren mumbled. "Learning more about culture."

**Grif: "Oh dear God."**

**Sarge: "Also we needed to do some minor rust repairs on the Warthog's drive train. The bad news is that the only lubricants I could find were your imported hand creams! The good news is, the jeep now smells like lilacs. Rusty metal lilacs."**

**Grif: "This has got to be th-"**

**Sarge: "This doesn't seem to be working. Alright, time for Plan B."**

**Simmons: "Break in to the ship, and see if we can raise it-"**

"I wish Simmons would be Leader." Weiss laughed.

**Sarge: "** _**No** _ **, Plan B is to try to induce super powers in Grif. Simmons, get my jar of radioactive spiders out of the Warthog. Come here Grif, I need to borrow your neck."**

Nora gasped.

**A loud metallic creaking comes from the ship**

**Grif: "Did you just hear that?"**

**Sarge: "Mayor of Burbank! Plan A is working! Quick Grif - get me a list of the latst celebrity break-ups! Simmons, help me out!"**

"Why does it seem like Celebrities always break up? Or always have some drama going on?" Jaune asked.

"Publicity." Yang sighed, "Either they're doing it for the publicity of it because no press is bad press or news outlets are just trying to get more ratings by making drama where there is none."

"Or the celebrities are real people and have things going on in their lives." Pyrrha huffed.

Weiss nodded in agreement.

Yang shrugged, "You know what I mean."

Pyrrha and Weiss sighed and nodded.

"I have known plenty who start drama or fights with others for the publicity." Pyrrha shook her head.

"And fake drama has always surrounded my family." Weiss groaned.

**Simmons: "Hey Donut! I heard they cancelled daytime television."**

**Sarge: "Hey Donut! Command called. They rejected your new definition for fire in the hole. They're gonna stick with the old one."**

**Simmons: "Oh Donut! I heard that the Winter Olympics is gonna focus even** _ **more**_ **on snowboarding next time."**

**Grif: "I can't take this. I'm gonna go watch some football."**

"Football." Ren mumbled, "Another sport. Snowboarding is something we have though. What is football hmmm?"

**Sarge: "Grif's been using your paisley thong as a slingshot"**

**The screen faded to black.**

Yang laughed at the joke.

"Next one?" Ruby asked.

"Yeah, my guess is still the same." Jaune shrugged.

Everyone else nodded and said some form of "Mine too"

Jaune hit play.


	81. S5E80 Baby Steps

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls.**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 81- Baby Steps**

" **Baby Steps" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight hummed the theme.

**Fade in to Church approaching Doc.**

**Church: "Hey Doc, we've got problems man, I need to call Command."**

"I'm still confused about Vic." Ruby commented.

"Me too, but we do know Vic was lying about being a grandson. He got a Vasectomy which goes along with the Reds and Blues being blown to the other side of the ring and not the future theory." Ren explained.

**Doc is looking down at something.**

**Doc: "..."**

**Church: "Hello? Earth to Doc. I mean, this place, to Doc."**

"Hmm more evidence that this Earth is a planet in the shows universe, the games universe, or the place this is from." Ren mumbled. _It's all so confusing. Evidence showed that this show was not made by the same people who made the game but that means I'm left in the dark about the games universe and the universe it's all from._ Ren groaned.

**Doc: "Don't you wanna say hello to our new friend?"**

**Church: "What?"**

**Church looks down at a very small, teal alien.**

**Junior: "Honk?"**

Yang and Jaune burst out laughing.

"I can't decide if its cute or gross!" Nora groaned.

"Definitely Gross." Blake commented.

Weiss and Yang agreed.

"I- wow just...I have no words." Pyrrha shook her head.

"It's Tuckers baby! It's so small..." Ruby added.

Ren simply had no reaction and kept his composure.

**Church: "I don't... I c- I can't, I can't I don't, this is-"**

Pyrrha laughed, "We had the same reaction."

**Doc: "Take your time. This is a big moment."**

**Junior: "Blarg."**

**Church: "I can't deal with this right now."**

Weiss laughed, "He's going to have a mental breakdown I can feel it."

**Junior: "Hnnnk!"**

**Church: "Shut up, you're disgusting. Doc, what is Vic's number?"**

**Doc: "What for?"**

**Church: "For reinforcements. Wait, unless, you've had like, specialized combat training in the last ten minutes."**

"Definitely not, although some medics do have combat training in the Atlas military." Weiss commented.

"Hmm we should have some medical training, in case or Aura's get depleted." Jaune commented.

"That's a great idea Jaune." Pyrrha smiled.

"Yeah!" Ruby agreed, "It could be a Toon mission!"

"Hey! I decide toon missions!" Weiss snapped. "...Great Idea though Ruby, it will be our first toon mission."

Ruby smiled and pumped a fist.

**Doc: "Uh, nope."**

**Church: "Then yeah, reinforcements."**

**Doc: "Well I did just change a dirty diaper-"**

"Nice to know Doc is taking care of Tuckers baby." Pyrrha smiled.

"Parasitic offspring." Ren corrected.

**Church: "That doesn't count."**

**Doc: "I don't know, it was a real doozey.** _**Number two** _ **."**

"Eugh!" Nora gagged.

**Church: "Doc, focus! Vic's number, what is it?"**

**Doc: "Come on Church, everybody remembers Vic's number! Didn't he ever teach you the song?"**

**Church: "Oh right. Vic's jingle."**

Blake groaned.

**Doc: "(singing) If you want to talk, don't email. And don't you click, clickclickclick, just call me up at five five five, V-I-C-K."**

"That's Catchy." Yang grinned. "I'm going to make my own jingle."

Weiss facepalmed.

"Ohhh! Great idea!" Nora smiled.

"I'm going to make one too!" Ruby shouted.

"I'm never calling either of you again." Blake commented.

"Weiss can you help me write mine?" Ruby asked.

"Just because I write my own songs doesn't mean I'll write yours." Weiss explained.

Ruby put on her best puppy eyes. "Pleeeeeeaaaaaaaassssseee!"

"...No."

"Are you at least going to write yours?" Ruby asked.

Weiss shook her head. "That would be ridiculous. I don't sing Jingles."

Ruby sighed.

**Church: "You know it probably would have been more memorable if it rhymed. Or if his name actually ended in a K."**

"I was confused there. All of Lopez's subtitles for when he said Vic's name had spelled it V I C." Ren commented.

**Doc: "Oh, music is a great way to learn things. That's how I studied for the MCAT."**

**Church: "You passed the MCAT?"**

**Doc: "Nha ha ha hah, not even close. But you should really hear my rendition of the Kelly Clarkson song "Miss Independence." It teaches you all about the lymphatic system. (singing) Doum, d-doum, lymphatic system-"**

"Hmm so the MCAT is a test for training medics." Ren mumbled. "Kelly Clarkson. Miss independence..."

**Church: "Hey, shut up I'm on the phone."**

**Junior: "Honk!"**

**Church: "And do me a favour, kill that fucking thing, would you?"**

"Cruel." Pyrrha commented.

**Familiar radio sounds**

**Vic: "Hey dude."**

**Church: "Vic! Hey, it's Church."**

**Vic: "This is Vic, at 555-V-I-C-K, doo doodleydoo. I'm not in the cassita right now, so leave your low-down at the ding-dong. Hasta."**

**Church: "Hey Vic, this is Church I need ta-"**

**Vic's Voice Mail: "You have reached the voice mail system."**

Everyone groaned.

**Church: "*sigh*, okay okay, come on."**

**Vic's Voice Mail: "To leave a message, just wait for the tone."**

**Church: "I know how to leave a goddamned message."**

Ruby and Yang started laughing.

"What?" Jaune asked.

"Dad always gets mad at voicemails. Especially Qrows." Yang laughed.

Ruby continued to laugh.

**Vic's Voice Mail: "When you are finished recording, just hang up. Or press pound for more options."**

**Church: "Really, hang up, no shit. I was just gonna keep talkin' until he decided to check his voice mail."**

**Vic's Voice Mail: "For delivery options, press five."**

**Church: "Just give me the damn beep!"**

Ruby and Yang laughed again.

"So annoying, can't stand that voicemail voice. It sounds almost exactly the same." Blake groaned.

**Vic's Voice Mail: "To leave a callback number, press eight. To page this person, press six."**

**Church: "** _**Come on!"** _

Ruby and Yang laughed again.

**Vic's Voice Mail: "To repeat this message, press nine."**

**Church: "** _**I will fucking stab you computer phone lady."** _

"This sounds exactly like dad! Not just the voice but what he's saying." Ruby laughed.

"It's strange." Ren commented. "Church acts a lot like your dad?"

"...well...kind of yeah? Whenever he's mad or talking to Qrow." Yang explained.

Ren nodded. "Very strange."

 **Cut to the tapping of** **the** **Sarge's spaceship. Because he called Next.**

 **Grif: "That tapping is gonna drive** _ **me**_ **insane. We either need to get donut outta there, or find a way to kill him."**

"Just use one of Simmons's ideas." Weiss groaned.

**Simmons: "Donut, can you please stop tapping. We heard you. You're crushed and you're in mortal danger, we** _**get it** _ **."**

"What an inconvenience for them." Blake joked sarcastically.

**Grif: "I can feel the tapping in my brain!"**

**Sarge: "Well I have to admit it, I'm stumped! I have no idea how to get him out."**

**Grif: "Jesus! How long would it take him to starve to death? When was the last time he ate? ...Sarge, didn't you once tell me you built self destruct mechanisms in to our armour? Can't you just use Donut's?"**

"That is not a smart idea." Weiss commented.

Blake nodded, "Hacking would be a huge issue."

**Sarge: "No, sadly that's just you, Grif. Although I could activate yours if you'd like."**

**Grif: "How would** _ **that**_ **help?"**

 **Sarge: "Well the situation** _ **would**_ **be a little less annoying."**

Pyrrha shook her head.

**Simmons: "You want me to get the activation code Sir?"**

**Sarge: "Nah. The activation code is just 'activation code.' Keep it simple."**

"Wouldn't he blow up then?" Nora asked.

"Yeah? That's weird." Ruby commented.

"Probably doesn't work then." Jaune shrugged.

**Simmons: "I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that."**

**The tapping gets louder**

**Grif: "Uhoh my God, is it getting louder?"**

"Yep." Ruby said popping the p.

**Grif: "I bet the Blues don't have to put up with anything this annoying."**

**Cut back to Church on the phone**

Ruby and Yang laughed.

**Computer Phone Lady: "To mark this message as urgent, press eleven."**

"Their scrolls have an 11?" Ren mumbled.

 **Church: "There** _ **is**_ **no eleven you fucking** _ **whore!"**_

Ren chuckled and shook his head.

"Dad definitely never gets that angry." Ruby commented.

"Yeah, I've never heard him get so mad." Yang said as her eyes widened.

"Kind of scary." Ruby whispered to Yang who nodded.

**Doc: "Ooh, language."**

"I think Tucker will be way worse with language around his kid." Blake laughed.

**And back to Sarge**

**Sarge: "Men, it pains me as your leader to say this, but I think we need to admit defeat. Years of experience on the battlefield and I've finally met my match. I never thought I'd be beaten by a ship. A ship full of enemies, maybe, but never just a ship itself! Bravo, ship. Brav, oh."**

"Gives up very easily." Weiss commented.

**Simmons: "Don't give up yet Sir, I'm sure we could find a way to-"**

**Sarge: "Ah, Simmons it's hopeless. Let's start assigning duties for our retreat."**

**The ship's door starts opening behind him**

**Simmons: "Uhhh, Sir-"**

"The problem solved itself." Jaune laughed.

**Sarge "Simmons you can pack up all the toiletries and remaining MREs. But make sure not to mix them up, or we'll never be able to tell 'em apart again."**

"Ugh!" Weiss gagged.

"Not good." Jaune said shaking his head.

Yang smirked. "Yeah imagine that! Just picture how disgusting that would be."

Everyone groaned.

"Yang!" Ruby yelled as her sister cackled.

**Grif: "Sir, you really should turn around."**

**Sarge: "Sure, and give the ship a chance to rub it in. No dice."**

**Simmons: "Sir the door's open, that means we won. Another victory for the glorious Red Army."**

"Yeah. Victory." Blake said sarcastically.

**Sarge: "What? I mean of course it is! Looks like my plan worked! Chalk up another one in the win column for Sarge! Hey who's that guy? Let's shoot him."**

**The screen faded to black.**

"Did he forget he called for reinforcements?" Weiss asked.

"I thought he called for weapons?" Ruby asked.

"Whatever he called for it doesn't matter. New character!" Jaune said excitedly.

"Lets start the next episode." Pyrrha suggested.

"First we need to put in our new guesses." Yang pointed out.

"I don't need to change mine." Jaune commented.

"Me neither." Ruby added.

Blake shook her head.

"Does anyone need to change theirs?" Yang asked.

Ren nodded. "Just me." Ren handed Yang the folded slip of paper.

Yang nodded and tossed it in with the rest and took his old guess out.

**Guesses:**

**Everyone except Ren: Sheila**

**Ren: The new character from the ship.**


	82. S5E81 Sibling Arrivalries

**Author's Note:**

**Announcement: since I talk about random things I'm now doing this, meaning the "Announcement:" so that people can read what they care about. Announcements are gonna be me you know...announcing things about the story and stuff about the fanfiction. "Responses:" will be me responding to reviews and questions and stuff etc. Hope you all like it.**

**Responses: some of you have been saying that I wrote Blake as an SJW crazy Feminist or something. If she came across as that to you I'm sorry I didn't mean her to. But then again I don't think I did, she just points out the racist stuff and things like that.**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 82- Sibling Arrivalries**

" **Sibling Arrivalries" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

Instead of humming the theme everyone looked at the title.

"Sibling Arrivalries?" Jaune read.

"Is that even a word?" Ruby asked.

"No." Ren and Blake answered.

"Sibling. So obviously it means someones sibling is coming to Blood Gulch." Jaune commented.

"Unless Sibling means Brother. Like brothers in arms." Weiss suggested.

Ren perked up. "Good thinking Weiss, that makes a lot of sense."

"A lot more sense than someones brother getting there." Yang laughed.

Weiss smiled.

**Fade in to the ship from above, with a looong pause...**

**Vic's Voice Mail: "To hear these options in Spanish, press dos."**

**Church: "I** _**hate you!"** _

Ruby and Yang laughed again.

"We need to show this to Qrow." Ruby laughed.

Yang nodded.

**Vic's Voice Mail: *beep***

**Church: "Vic, it's Church, I need y-"**

**Vic's Voice Mail: "I'm sorry, but this person's voice mailbox is full."**

Ruby and Yang started laughing...yet again.

"Its so accurate!" Yang laughed.

Ruby nodded in between laughs.

**Church: "Uhchmmm I'm gonna kill myself. I'm gonna kill myself."**

**Doc: "Uh, what was all that about?"**

**Church: "Doc, we are royally screwed. Half our team is down, and I think th-"**

**Doc: "No it's not, look! Caboose is already back in action."**

**Cut to Caboose emerging from Blue Base in the distance**

Pyrrha perked up and grinned.

**Caboose: "I'm okay! I'm okay!"**

**Caboose collapses again, but this time in the warmth of the sun**

**Caboose: "I'm not okay!"**

Pyrrha and Nora laughed.

"It's like Jaune!" Nora laughed.

Jaune scrunched down and blushed.

**Doc: "He's fine."**

"No he's not." Ren sighed.

**Church: "Like I was saying, half the team is down, and the half that's left, sucks. So all the Reds need to do is attack us, and we're dead."**

"The half that's left includes him." Blake pointed out.

"Church understands his capabilities." Weiss commented.

"Or lack there of." Ren joked.

Pyrrha and Jaune laughed lightly.

**Junior: "Hnnk!"**

**Church: "Oh right, and I have to kill this fucking thing."**

"It's so cute! I hope he doesn't kill him." Nora commented.

"It's disgusting." Blake commented.

"Are you saying an interspecies baby is disgusting." Yang said baiting Blake with a mischievous grin.

Blake narrowed her eyes at Yang. "Yang. For one this is completely different and two...you're racist." Blake sighed.

Yang put a hand to her chest and gasped in mock offense.

Blake sighed and motioned for Jaune to hit play.

**Caboose: "Also I see a big ship. Now I know I'm hallucinating!"**

Pyrrha chuckled and shook her head.

**Church: "Oh I forgot that part! The Reds also have an enormous ship that was sent by their Command. Probably has a huge fucking weapon on it. Like a nuke, or a biological weapon that's gonna melt our skin, or a genetic weapon that's gonna make everyone in blue armour sterile... awesome."**

"Genetic weapons? That sounds...dark." Blake commented.

Ruby shook her head, "Yeah, how do you fight against something like that?"

"I don't know." Yang sighed.

"I think this is one idea from the show we shouldn't tell anyone about." Jaune commented.

Everyone nodded.

"Genetic weapon against the Grimm? No no. Grimm don't have genetics that we know of. And experiments on Grimm are generally illegal because of the danger and how hard it is to keep them captive." Ren mumbled to himself.

**Doc: "Hmm. Maybe this isn't the best time to remind you that technically I'm neutral in this conflict."**

**Church: "Doc, I don't think the situation could get much worse. I mean the ship is bad enough, but God knows what kind of reinforcements they have in that thing. Could be a whole new squad! Or a freelancer! Or-"**

Everyone leaned forward.

**Cut to the Reds mid-sentence, standing in front of...You all know who!**

**Simmons: "Grif's sister!"**

"What!" Ruby shouted.

"No way!" Nora added.

"Sibling Arrivalries!" Ren shouted. "It makes sense."

"I- huh?" Weiss said scratching her head.

"Grif's sister! Another girl in the show!" Yang said happily.

Blake laughed, "Hey Yang...you think she's Tex's replacement?"

"...That was awful." Yang said calmly.

"What?" Blake asked.

"You clearly don't have the teasing and baiting experience I do." Yang said confidently.

"Ohhh! I wonder if Grif is the younger or older brother." Ruby commented.

"This definitely disproves the time travel." Ren smiled.

"This is going to be interesting." Pyrrha commented.

"Everyone shut up!" Yang shouted. "I want to see what she's like."

**Sister: "Yeah. Isn't that cool?"**

Yang's, Weiss's, and Blake's faces dropped.

"She sounds very-" Weiss started.

"Bimbo-ee?" Yang suggested.

"Yeah." Blake nodded.

"You three are judging her from her first line." Pyrrha pointed out.

Weiss and Blake sighed.

"Good point, maybe she's not...what she sounds like." Blake commented.

**Sarge: "You know I always knew there was a genetic possibility that Grif would have blood relatives. But I always held on to the hope that he was the horrible by-product of an experiment at a turd manufacturing plant!"**

**Grif: "** _**Go home."** _

"Hmm? Do you think they have problems?" Yang asked.

"Like Qrow and...your mom?" Ruby asked hesitantly.

Yang nodded.

**Sister: "What?"**

**Grif: "Go home,** _ **right now.**_ **Get in your ship, uncrash it, and fly it home."**

Nora snickered at the "uncrash it" line.

**Sister: "Whatever. Make me!"**

Yang laughed, "I can tell this is going to be good."

**Grif: "As much as I don't wanna spoil my reputation as a do-nothing slacker, I will not hesitate to beat you senseless and drop you in that ship myself."**

"Why is he being so mean to her?" Nora asked.

"I don't know." Jaune mumbled.

**Sister: "I thought you would be happy to see me."**

"I think that rules out them not liking each other." Ren commented.

**Grif: "How did you even get here, we're in the future!"**

**Simmons: "Hmm, I think I know how. Did you use your hyperdrive to get here, or just the light drive?"**

"Where is he going with this?" Ren asked.

**Sister: "Which one is the hippia drive? Is that the one with all the knobs or is it the other one with all the knobs?"**

"I think our first assessment of her was correct." Weiss sighed.

"Well, Tex is a badass girl. Do you think she is here to balance her out?" Yang asked.

"It makes sense." Blake chuckled, "it's always interesting when stories do this."

**Simmons: "Yeah, she probably came here just using the light drive. And as Einstein theorized, in his theory of relativity-"**

Ren leaned forward.

**Grif: "** _**English** _ **."**

**Simmons: "When you travel near the speed of light, time slows down for you. Essentially she came forward in time by travelling at light speed."**

"Wait going fast means I can travel back in time!" Ruby yelled.

Nora gasped. "You can time travel!"

Ruby stood up and jumped in place. "I can time travel! I ca-"

Yang kicked the back of Ruby's knee.

"Gahh!" Ruby shouted.

"Calm down Ruby." Yang sighed, "I don't think you can go that fast. The fastest you've ever gone was around...I forgot but no where near the speed of light."

Ruby slumped down.

"Don't give up though Ruby." Pyrrha smiled. "Semblances are powerful and strange."

Ruby smiled.

**Grif: "That's stupid."**

**Simmons: "No, that's science. Didn't you ever read the famous science fiction story where the astronaut watches his baby son being born, but** _ **then**_ **he gets in a ship-"**

"That sounds interesting." Blake commented.

"Yeah." Ren nodded.

**Grif: "No."**

**Simmons: "Well, did you ever read the one where-"**

**Grif: "No."**

**Simmons: "How 'bout-"**

**Grif: "I didn't read any of them!"**

"I'm happy that most of you like reading." Blake commented.

"Reading is boring." Nora commented.

Yang nodded.

Blake sighed, "Like I said some of you. And comics don't count."

"Why not?" Jaune asked offended.

Blake just shook her head.

**Sister: "** _**Hey. Who's the nerd?"** _

"I can't place my finger on her personality yet. She sounds stupid but...hmm." Blake wondered.

**Simmons: "Excuse me, I'm not a nerd. My Mom says there's nothing shameful about being smart."**

"It's good that Simmons has a good relationship with one of his parents." Pyrrha commented.

"My mom always said that too." Jaune smiled.

**Sarge: "Alright Missy, there's just one thing I don't get. How'd you join the Army?"**

**Sister: "What do you mean? I just signed up."**

**Sarge: "But you're a... you know you you got lady parts."**

"So?" Blake, Weiss, and Ruby asked.

**Sister: "So?"**

Yang smirked.

**Sarge: "So unless this is the cooking and sewing Army-"**

"Hmm, Sarge must be like the old commanders of the Mantle Military." Weiss sighed.

"That's an army! That sounds cool." Nora commented. "Ren can join he's great at both."

Ren chuckled at Nora's comment along with everyone else.

 **Sister: "No, I meant to join the** _ **real**_ **Army."**

**Sarge: "Does your gun shoot brownies?"**

"Oooohh" Ruby and Nora cooed.

**Sister: "What?"**

**Simmons: "You'll have to excuse Sarge, he comes from the old school."**

**Sister: "Thanks. By the way, nobody says 'old school' any more. Actually, they told me I was too young. So I grabbed an extra suit of armour, and boosted a shuttle."**

"I like her already." Ruby smiled.

"Me too." Yang grinned.

 **Grif: "Glad you learned** _ **something**_ **from me."**

**Sister: "Nohoho, I'm just kidding. I always wanted to do something like that."**

"Awww." Ruby sighed.

"Guess she did learn something from Grif. Lying and being lazy." Yang laughed.

**Grif: "But why did you join the Army? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."**

"Why did he join the army?" Ruby asked.

"It hasn't ever been mentioned. Well actually he did say he signed on to fight aliens in the first episode." Ren explained.

"And the one time an alien showed up he- wait I forgot. Red team never saw the alien." Weiss commented.

"And now there's a baby one running around blue base." Blake laughed.

**Sister: "Well, you always looked after me when Mom ran away to join the circus."**

Weiss snorted. "What?" Weiss laughed.

**Simmons: "W-wait a second, hold on. Your Mom is in the circus? Hyou know, at first I didn't like you, but you've already made my insults forty-five percent more efficient by just saying one sentence."**

"Simmons makes up a lot of math equations to sound smart." Ren commented.

**Sarge: "Was your Mom a flaming sword swallower? We could use somebody to replace Donut."**

Yang laughed.

 **Sister: "Nope. You know how circuses have a bearded lady, and a fat lady? Well,** _ **my**_ **Mom plays both, 'cause she's like,** _ **super**_ **-talented."**

"This is amazing." Weiss laughed.

 **Simmons: "** _ **Oh my God.**_ **Is it okay if I record everything you say?"**

"It's amazing how you can't see their faces but with the context of the scene the characters can evoke an emotion or expression." Blake commented.

Ruby, Yang, and Jaune nodded.

**Sister: "Sure! Anyway, Grif always looked after me, but when he went away, I didn't wanna be alone."**

"So Grif is probably the bugger brother." Ren commented.

"Or they're the same age. I always felt protective of my sisters even my older ones...even though they always protected me." Jaune sighed.

**Simmons: "Okay, let me get this straight. You felt scared, being alone, so you decided to join a war."**

**Sarge: "She's a Grif alright."**

Yang and Weiss laughed.

"Oh yeah I forgot Grif isn't Grif's first name." Jaune commented.

"It's Dexter." Ren explained. "Simmons's is Dick, Church's is Leonard, Donut's is Franklin, Caboose's is Michael, and Tucker's is Lavernius."

"And Tex's is Allison, Wyoming's is Reginald, and...I can't think of anymore." Blake added.

**Grif: "Wait a minute, she was the one who was tapping!"**

**Simmons: "Duh."**

**Sister: "Yeah. I was wondering why you guys didn't answer."**

"Maybe she's not dumb, since she knows this Morse code." Weiss commented.

**Simmons: "None of us know Morse Code. It's outdated."**

"I wonder why." Weiss added.

**Sister: "Don't you mean** _**old school?"** _

**Grif: "No, don't you get it? If she was the one tapping, then what happened to Donut?"**

"Good question." Blake commented.

Yang laughed, "We all forgot about him."

**Cut to a an immense underground cavern, with muffled voices coming from above**

"Huh?" Ren mumbled.

**Donut: "A baby, wait up! I wanna see!"**

**Sarge: "Donut, get back here! Wait for the ship."**

**Donut: "But Sarge, we don't know when the ship is gonna get here. It's coming all the way from Earth. That could take days, or weeks, or months, or even years!"**

**The ship lands, and Donut falls all the way from the top of the cavern to the bottom, taking a good six seconds to get there. He screamed the entire way.**

**Donut: "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"**

"He lived!" Nora cheered.

"He hasn't landed yet." Weiss pointed out.

**He made an expert landing with a thud**

**Donut: "Ow"**

**The screen faded to black.**

"Great landing strategy." Ruby laughed.

"It's like he used Jaune's." Yang joked.

Jaune sighed, "I need to train on that."

"I will be happy to assist." Pyrrha smiled.

"So under the gulch is a cavern. Maybe the caves lead there. Donut is alive, Grif has a sister. And in the caverns there appears to be some kind of structure." Ren said while writing in his notes.

"Does anyone need to change their guesses?" Yang asked.

"Just switch my new guess with my old guess." Ren sighed.


	83. S5E82 The Grif Reaper

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 83- The Grif Reaper**

" **The Grif Reaper" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

"The Grif Reaper." Ren read. "Interesting title."

"It reminds me of the Grimm Reaper." Pyrrha smiled.

"Who?" Ruby asked.

"Wait? You don't know who the Grimm Reaper is? I thought you would know because of your scythe." Pyrrha said confused.

"Huh?" Ruby mumbled grabbing her scythe.

"I've heard the name but not much else." Ren commented.

Pyrrha smiled, "She was a legend, mainly in Mistral. She was the best huntress in her time. She was also a mystery, all anyone knew about her was that she was a girl and used two small scythes as her weapons and-"

Ruby perked up, "Two scythes! What did they look like? What special configurations did they have? W-"

Yang sighed and grabbed Ruby's arm shutting her up.

Pyrrha chuckled, "Anyway she never used her name or showed her face, she wore a skull mask with dark eye holes to hide it. She could kill any Grimm even Grimm centuries old." Pyrrha's smile faded. "But after a contract to kill a large Nevermore she was never seen again. This was a long time ago, before any of us were born but...I want to be like her someday."

Everyone stayed silent.

"I want to be like her too." Ruby smiled. "And I have a Scythe"

"You definitely have the look of a Reaper." Jaune laughed. "Black and Red with a Hood, all you need is a mask."

Ruby grinned, "I can be the new Grimm Reaper!"

"You just heard about her seconds ago and now you want to be the next one?" Weiss asked chuckling.

Ruby's grin faltered for a second, "Well...even if I just heard of her a second ago the name is still ba- uh pretty cool."

"You can say badass." Yang laughed.

"Please don't corrupt her." Blake asked sighing.

"It's impossible to corrupt me I am pure." Ruby grinned.

"If you're going to be the Grimm Reaper what should we be? We should all have cool names!" Nora suggested.

"Ohhh! What would mine be?" Yang asked.

"..."

"Jaune can be the White Knight." Pyrrha suggested.

Yang sighed. "That fits Jaune."

Jaune smiled, "I like it, Pyrrha you can be the uhhh...Shield Maiden?"

Pyrrha laughed, "Shield Maiden"

Jaune blushed, "I- I don't know I'm just thinking of fairy tale names."

"I like it." Pyrrha smiled.

"I can't think of anymore names, Ren could be the Green Ninja." Jaune suggested.

Ren chuckled, "It's a good name."

"I'm already queen of the Toon so...I could just be the Ice Queen." Weiss shrugged.

Everyone nodded.

"Anyway lets watch the episode I want to see more of Grif's Sister." Yang smiled.

**Fade in to a view through a sniper rifle that's moving jerkily and randomly**

**Church: "See him there? Right there, the yellow one."**

Ruby groaned, "Come on! It's not that hard to hold it steady!"

Yang laughed, "You couldn't hold it steady when you first tried out a sniper."

"Yeah but I was better than that!" Ruby yelled gesturing to the screen.

"Training is all it takes." Pyrrha commented.

**Caboose: "The one next to Simmons. That's Grif."**

Jaune and Ren laughed.

"Now we can tell it's orange." Jaune joked.

"I could always tell." Blake commented gesturing to her superior master race eyes.

 **Church: "The** _ **other**_ **yellow one. Dumbass."**

**Caboose: "Oh, that new yellow person, y-oh yes of course, yes uh, he looks very scary. yes and uh I know that because I am looking right at him, right now, yes. He is yellow. This is very interesting."**

Pyrrha chuckled, "Caboose is still my favorite character."

**Church: "*sigh* You don't even see him, do you."**

**Caboose: "Yeah and I don't even know how to use this thing."**

Ruby laughed, "At least he admits it."

**Church: "Oh man, this is no good. Yellow armour. What does yellow armour mean, is that like some kinda... special ops guy or... man this can't be good for us."**

**Caboose: "What if it's a new gun."**

"A suit of armor that's also a gun! Ohhhh I should do that." Ruby said quickly grabbing a sketchbook.

**Church: "What? Why'm I even talking to you, it's a person, in yellow armour we already established that!"**

**Caboose: "Oh, no- wait maybe they got their own medic."**

"That could be interesting." Pyrrha commented.

**Church: "A medic? Caboose, we're not that lucky."**

**Cut to Doc with a noticeably larger baby alien**

"Ooohh! It's growing!" Nora said happily.

**Doc: "See, my suit is purple. Can you say purple? Pur?"**

**Baby Alien: "Honk?"**

**Doc: "Ple!"**

**Baby Alien: "Hnnnk."**

**Doc: "Great! Once we learn all the colours, we'll learn why you shouldn't judge people by them."**

"Doc is a great teacher." Blake laughed.

Pyrrha nodded.

"Judging people by color sounds stupid." Nora commented.

"Everyone not wearing yellow is inferior." Yang joked.

Everyone but Jaune sighed.

"I'm somewhat yellow am I inferior?" Jaune asked.

"You're half yellow so you get some rights but not many." Yang explained.

Jaune grinned and ran a hand through his hair.

Nora stood up.

"I will commit color genocide on everyone not pink!" Nora shouted.

Blake laughed and shook her head. "Black is the complete absence of color I will destroy you all."

Jaune stood up.

"I'm the White Knight I secede from the Yellow army and say that all colors are great. White is all colors combined and together we will defeat Blake." Jaune said raising a fist.

"Yeah!" Ruby cheered.

Blake shook her head and laughed.

**Cut back to Church and Caboose**

**Church: "Yeah, that guy is definitely some kind of special forces. Probably trained in, knives or... ball-kicking or somethin'."**

"That sounds more like Tex." Yang laughed.

**Caboose: "Maybe he's an alien."**

**Church: "An alien that looks just like the rest of us?"**

"Lopez is a robot that looked like the rest of them. Until he lost his body." Ren pointed out.

Jaune laughed, "Yeah I remember Grif thought he drank motor oil to impress him or something."

**Caboose: "And that is the scariest kind of alien."**

"That does sound scary, what if there was a Grimm that could shape-shift?" Ruby asked.

"As far as we know no such Grimm exists." Ren explained calming everyone.

**Church: "Why are you, even here it would be easier for me to just call random people on the phone, and talk to them about this they would understand the situation better."**

**In the background, Tucker emerges up the ramp from inside the base and starts approaching**

**Tucker: "Uh, whudldldluh. Bludludldldlah."**

**Church: "Oh well, look who's awake."**

"This is going to be great." Ruby laughed.

**Tucker: "What the fuck happened?"**

**Caboose: "Oh, well, um, uh as you may remember, uh you were impregnated by an alien visitor who was on a noble mission to save his entire species from de-"**

**Tucker: "Can I get the short version of this?"**

Ren sighed when Tucker interrupted Caboose's explanation.

**Church: "Yeah, you got knocked up, you got knocked out."**

**Tucker: "Oh right, I need to start workin' out. Lose this baby weight."**

"My mom had eight kids and somehow lost most of the baby weight." Jaune commented.

"That's impressive." Yang said feeling her stomach.

**Caboose: "Yeah you know we we should all start working out, you know uh** _**especially some of us."** _

**Caboose looks to Church.**

**Tucker: "Yeah, some of us seem to have let ourselves go more than others."**

**Church: "Are you guys talkin' about me?"**

"He's a ghost he can't get fat." Weiss commented.

"It is possibly an inside joke." Ren suggested. "Some jokes in the past have seemed this way. Like Tucker talking about random clicks and whirring sounds."

Jaune nodded, "That joke makes some sense now, maybe one of them has a hearing problem?"

"Or the quality was bad." Ren suggested.

"We will never know." Yang sighed.

**Caboose: "We ah didn't wanna say anything."**

**Tucker: "Yeah, that's why we said something. Fatty!"**

"Mean." Pyrrha sighed.

**Church: "Hey back off guys, I've been under a lot of stress. I've been carrying this whole fucking team."**

Weiss laughed, "Sheila going crazy, Tucker pregnant, Tex gone missing, O'Malley on the loose, the Reds, Caboose's blood loss." Weiss listed while counting on her fingers each time. "A looooot of stress."

**Tucker: "Where'd you carry us, to the buffet?"**

Yang snickered.

**Caboose: "He said it."**

**Tucker: "What're you guys doing up here anyway? And what's** _ **that**_ **huge thing?"**

**Caboose: "That's Church."**

Pyrrha and Yang burst out laughing.

 **Church: "He means the** _ **ship**_ **Caboose."**

**Caboose: "He said it."**

**Church: "The Reds called in a ship, and it landed on Donut. Now they've got new hardware,** _ **and**_ **a new soldier."**

**Tucker: "Who, that girl?"**

"What? How can he tell?" Ruby asked.

Yang laughed, "He's got a pervy superpower."

 **Church: "Wha-** _ **Girl?**_ **That's a girl?"**

**Tucker: "Duh. The yellow one, right? The one talking to Simmons?"**

**Caboose: "Wow you have really good eyes."**

"Even better than mine." Blake commented.

**Tucker: "I have to. I never get to use the fucking sniper rifle."**

"Ohh he trained himself, I wonder if I can do that?" Ruby asked.

"Imagine being able to see miles away!" Nora commented.

**Church: "You're positive that's a girl. How can you be sure?"**

**Tucker: "Dude, look who you're talking to."**

**Cut to Sister in front of the ship**

**Sister: "The cool thing, is that** _ **I**_ **was lucky enough to get sent** _ **here!**_ **They said your Commander died, and I needed to replace the missing man."**

Everyone stared at the screen confused.

"Did the Reds lose a commander too? Like the blues." Ruby asked.

"The blues had a Captain, I guess the Reds have a commander. Each team has differences like Red base being Outpost number one and Blue base being Outpost Alpha." Ren explained.

"So that means Sarge isn't their leader. Now everything makes a lot more sense." Weiss chuckled.

 **Sarge: "What? Our Commander's not dead,** _ **I'm**_ **our Commander!"**

"Huh, guess I was wrong." Ren sighed.

"The only ones with a dead commander are the blues." Pyrrha pointed out.

Ren nodded.

**Simmons: "And an excellent one at that, Sir."**

**Sarge: "Thank you Simmons."**

**Sister: "Yeah. Your Commander died. And one of the troops is going to be promoted, and** _ **I**_ **was sent to replace the missing troop!"**

"So she was sent to the wrong red base." Jaune commented.

Ren nodded but kept thinking.

**Simmons: "Wait, w-what's this about a promotion?"**

**Sarge: "Sounds like Command made some kinda mistake."**

**Grif: "I don't know Sarge, I thought you said Command never** _ **makes**_ **mistakes. That must mean you're dead."**

Yang laughed at Grif's line.

 **Simmons: "Seriously, what was the promotion thing? I'm** _ **sure**_ **I heard something about someone getting promoted."**

"Now he doesn't want to kiss ass, now he wants his ass to be kissed." Yang laughed.

**Sister: "They said one of your troops would be promoted to replace your dead C.O."**

**Simmons: "One in particular? One like me? A maroon one?"**

**Sister: "Hey, you're really scary. That's kinda hot!"**

"He's not scary." Blake commented.

"And people being scary isn't hot." Ruby added.

"I dunno Ruby, sometimes being scary can be done in the right way." Yang laughed.

Weiss, Ruby, and Blake sighed but Blake secretly agreed.

**Grif: "Sarge, I'm really sorry you died."**

**Sarge: "Don't be stupid, Grif. How can I be dead if I'm standing right here?"**

Jaune gasped, "What if Sarge has been dead the whole time? And was just a ghost in the armor? What if he never died from when Caboose shot him?"

"...That sounds stupid." Nora said bluntly.

Jaune groaned, "Really? It sounds like on of your theories."

"That's a stupid theory my theories aren't stupid." Nora laughed.

 **Grif: "Well if Command was wrong about you dying, Sarge, couldn't they be wrong about** _ **other**_ **stuff too? Like, like what if the Blues don't suck? *gasp* What if the Blues are awesome? This changes everything!"**

**Cut to Sarge's gravesite, with everyone standing around the hole, including the deceased**

"This is like Church attending his own funeral." Jaune laughed.

"Except Church was actually dead." Blake added.

**Simmons: "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today, to pay our final respects to Sarge."**

**Sarge: "But I was so young! And violent!"**

"I'm not even surprised anymore." Weiss chuckled.

**Grif: "And that's what makes this so tragic."**

**Sarge: "Mnohho"**

**The screen faded to black.**

"I don't need to change my guess what about you all?" Jaune asked.

Everyone shook their heads.

"Alright next episode." Jaune said pressing play.

* * *

**Artists: if anyone can Draw a Toon emblem/sigil for Toon RRAYNNBW that would be amazing and if someone wants to draw a Cover Image of something like all eight sitting on a couch watching tv that would be cool.**

**YOUR HELP: Also does anyone have any suggestions for the titles of the others?(Grimm Reaper, White Knight etc) Even for ones I've already named if you can think of better ones. And if anyone has suggestions for the Toon emblem/sigil that would also be great.**


	84. S5E83 In Memoriam

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 84- In Memoriam**

"Hey so I thought of some more names." Jaune said looking at everyone.

"Lets hear em." Yang leaned back.

"Well Blake? How do you like Shadowcat?" Jaune asked.

Blake had a hint of a smile appear, "I like it."

"And Yang? What about The Dragon." Jaune smiled.

"Hmmm, I like it but...ohh! Dragoness!" Yang smiled.

"Why Dragoness?" Ruby asked.

Yang Shrugged "I want people to know I'm a girl, besides Dragoness makes me sound fiercer than just Dragon."

"But they mean the same thing? Is Dragoness even a word?" Weiss asked.

"No" Ren and Blake chorused.

Jaune shrugged, "Ok Dragoness it is, Nora what do you think of Stormbringer?"

"Ohhhh! I love it!" Nora cheered.

"So we all have titles now? Cool." Ruby grinned. "Mine still sounds the best."

"I like Shield Maiden." Pyrrha grinned, "It sounds like a fairy tale warrior."

"All of ours sounds like something from a fairy tale." Ren smiled.

Ruby gasped "When we become huntresses and Huntsmen we should all adopt our personas! And only we will know who we are."

"Yeah!" Nora cheered.

"I like that idea." Pyrrha smiled, "An alias where no one knows who I truly am."

"I'm used to people not knowing who I am." Blake chuckled, "But this I like."

"So? Team? Uh I mean Toon- no whatever uh what should we call ourselves? Our alias team?" Ruby asked.

"...The Fantasies?" Ren suggested.

"I like that, regular toon name is Rainbow but when we put on our masks we're the Fantasies!" Ruby said putting her hands to her mouth like a mask.

"I'm in." Jaune said putting a hand in the middle of everyone.

"Me too!" Nora shouted slapping the top of Jaune's hand.

Jaune winced but said nothing and smiled, everyone else soon followed putting their hands in the middle.

"Go Tooooon Rainbow!" Ruby shouted.

Everyone laughed and cheered lightly.

"Ok uhh I'm gonna hit play." Jaune smiled.

" **In Memoriam" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight hummed the theme.

**Fade in to the Reds for Sarge's service**

**Simmons: "And now, Grif has asked to say a few things about our beloved Sarge."**

"Oh no Grif's talking." Weiss facepalmed.

Yang grinned, "This is going to be great."

 **Grif: "Hey everybody, it's great to be here. Well, what can I say about a guy like Sarge. I mean besides, 'good riddence.'** _**Hoooo** _ **."**

"So rude." Weiss commented.

"He says that at his funeral?" Pyrrha asked offended.

"I know." Weiss shook her head.

"...He's not dead." Blake facepalmed.

"Oh. Right." Weiss sighed.

**Sister: "Yeah-"**

**Grif: "But seriously, Sarge lived a great life. And now that he's dead, our lives are pretty good too. Zing! Hahahahaa, you know what I'm talking about."**

"This sounds more like a roast." Ren commented.

**Sarge: "Come on, is this a rememberance or a roast?"**

Ren chuckled and nodded.

**Grif: "Quiet in the front row. And I'm not askin', and he's not tellin', but I heard when Donut first came to the base, Sarge spent a lot of time talkin' about glazed donut holes, if you know what I mean. Hiyoooo."**

"Ew." Ruby mumbled while Yang laughed.

**Simmons: "Too soon!"**

"It is too soon." Weiss commented.

"I don't think there's ever a right time to talk about someone like that after they die." Pyrrha added.

Yang shrugged, "When I die I want my funeral to be a celebration so if a roast of me at my death will make people laugh instead of cry I'm all for it."

"I'll be sure to make light of all your short comings." Weiss assured.

Yang smiled, "Wouldn't have it any other way, although that would be a pretty short list." Yang snorted.

Weiss groaned, "Your puns will definitely be on the list."

**Grif: "Hey now."**

**Sarge: "This is the worst funeral I've ever had! You losers better step up the crying, pronto!"**

**Simmons: "Oh, don't worry Sir, I've written a stirring speech that's sure to tug at everyone's heartstrings."**

**Sarge: "Good to hear it, now get with the eulogizing!"**

**Simmons runs up to the front**

**Simmons: "On it Sir."**

**Grif: "And who could forget the time Sarge showed us all how to field strip Simmons'-"**

Yang and Blake started laughing.

**Simmons: "Okay that's enough, I said five minutes Grif."**

**Grif: "Bye everybody, I'll be appearing at the Laugh Cavern every Tuesday. Ladies drink free."**

"There's only one girl in the canyon." Weiss commented.

"Unless you count Sheila." Ruby pointed out.

"Sheila's a program." Weiss retorted.

Ruby frowned thinking about Penny.

**Sister: "Whoohoooo!"**

**Grif: "** _**Not you!"** _

Yang and Ruby laughed.

**Sister: "Aw."**

**Simmons: "Okay, whatever, get off. Hello everyone. I'm here to say a few words about our friend Sarge."**

**Grif: "Boo, you suck."**

**Simmons: "Grif, get off the stage!"**

"He loves the spotlight." Ren commented.

**Grif: "Uh, sorry."**

**Grif retreats to the peanut gallery**

**Simmons: "Okay, like I was saying, I'm here to say a few words about Sarge."**

**Grif: "Boooo,** _**you suck!"** _

"Grif is a heckler." Pyrrha commented.

Weiss sighed, "Hecklers are really annoying."

"But not as bad as paparazzi." Pyrrha added.

Weiss nodded, "Definitely not as bad."

**Simmons: "As you all know, Sarge was a magnificent leader, and he was a great inspiration to all his troops."**

"Wrong." Weiss commented.

"Right!" Nora yelled.

**Sarge: "Hh, Simmons was right, this is so emotional. Where's my hankie?"**

**Simmons: "He was a man of honour,** _**discipline** _ **, and character."**

"The opposite." Blake added.

**Sarge: "It's like he's saying what we're all thinking."**

**Grif: "If he was saying what** _ **I'm**_ **thinkin' he'd be yawning while he said it."**

Yang started laughing while everyone else was confused at the joke.

**Simmons: "But perhaps his greatest accomplishment, as a military man..."**

**Sarge: "Tell it!"**

**Simmons: "And a friend..."**

**Sarge: "Preach on, preach on."**

**Simmons: "Was developing** _ **my**_ **considerable skills as a soldier and a leader."**

"Oh no." Weiss sighed.

Yang, Blake, and Jaune burst out laughing.

"What?" Ruby asked. "Is he doing what I think he's doing?"

Weiss nodded.

**Sarge: "What?"**

**Simmons: "As you all know, Sarge's untimely demise leaves a gap in our command structure. A gap that is best filled by Sarge's right hand man. A man that has a vision for the Red Team."**

"He makes a strong argument." Weiss said sarcastically.

"Traitor!" Nora shouted.

"She was being sarcastic." Ren explained.

**Grif: "Sarge is, is he campaigning for your job at your funeral? Classy."**

"Not classy at all." Pyrrha sighed.

**Simmons: "The Red Army is faced with a difficult choice. The choice of who will lead us to glorious victory. Let's hope they choose a great candidate. A candidate whose armour is actually a shade of red. Sarge would have wanted it that way. Choose Simmons. It's the only thing Sarge did in life, so don't let his whole existence be in vain. In closing, somebody died, vote for me."**

"That's a bad closing." Weiss commented.

"And they're all shades of Red." Blake added.

**Grif: "Ahawesome speech!"**

"Agreed." Yang laughed.

**Sister: "Is this the kind of thing you guys do all day?"**

**Grif: "Pretty much. Just run with it. It's the only thing that keeps you from going insane from boredom."**

**Sister: "Yeah... or we could raid the medical supplies for morphine."**

"Wait what?" Yang asked doing a double take. "Did I hear that right?"

Blake nodded.

"So she's a druggie?" Nora asked.

"Looks that way." Weiss sighed, thinking of her alcoholic mom.

Ruby sighed too, thinking of her own alcoholic uncle.

**Grif: "Hyeah. Wait what?"**

**Simmons: "Hey sister, you're up."**

"That can't be her name can it?" Ruby asked.

"They haven't given her a name yet." Ren pointed out.

 **Sister: "** _**Awesome!"** _

**Sister swaps places with Simmons**

**Grif: "Ooh ooh ooh, can I go again? I just thought of a swear word that rhymes with Kentucky."**

"That's not a word." Weiss commented.

**Sarge: "You couldn't even wait for me to be buried, could ya."**

**Simmons: "Your death was in the past, Sarge, and we need to look to the future. A future filled with Simmons."**

"Ugh, he's not dead. What are they gonna do? Bury him alive?" Blake asked.

"Looks that way." Jaune commented.

**Sister: "Hey everybody. Um, I'm new here, and I didn't know Sargeant very well, but he was very old, and that's gross."**

"Old people are the greatest! They're full of wisdom and experience." Ruby said confidently.

**Grif: "Eh-heheh, I wrote that line."**

**Simmons: "Grif, let other people have the spotlight for once."**

"Attention whore." Yang commented.

Weiss opened her mouth to speak but decided against it.

**Sister: "Anyway, when you're old and gross, you're probably going to die, and that's kind of sad. But when you think about it, all your friends are probably dead too. And if they're not then they're definitely old, and knowing old people is even sadder than being dead. So, anyway, whatever. Peace out."**

"Well this is great characterization." Ren commented.

"I hope you're being sarcastic." Blake laughed.

"Well so far I don't like Sister." Ruby commented.

"Me neither, but maybe she can change." Pyrrha added.

**Sarge: "This is a miserable excuse for a ceremony. Where's the flag folding? Where's the twenty-one gun salute?"**

"They don't have enough soldiers for that." Weiss commented.

 **Simmons: "Sir, the flag is an important part of our inventory. We can't just go around having impromptu foldings because we** _**feel like it."** _

"But they can have a fake funeral?" Jaune asked.

 **Grif: "And** _ **I**_ **was in charge of the twenty-one gun salute. Unfortunately we don't have twenty-one guns, so you'll have to settle for what I call the double-bun salute. It starts in just a few moments."**

"Oh gross." Yang commented.

**Sarge: "Uhgh, I'll just get in my grave now."**

"They really are burying him alive." Pyrrha said amazed.

Nora gasped, "He's going to fall in the big cave!"

"Wh- woah! She's right!" Ren said amazed. "Nice job Nora."

Nora grinned.

**Simmons: "Yeah, maybe that's for the best Sir."**

**Sarge: "Oh, come on, who dug this grave? It's not** _ **nearly**_ **regulation."**

"Not surprising they can't dig six feet down." Blake laughed.

**Grif: "Uhg, Simmons let's cover his head first."**

**Sarge: "Come on, you call that buryin'? I've had Girl Scouts bury me better. Put yer backs in to it."**

**Simmons: "This might be a bad time to ask, but... have you finished that letter of recommendation I asked for?"**

"Backstabber." Nora growled.

**Sarge: "Step to it men, bury faster! I'm not getting any deader. Come on, double time you maggots! Oh hey look, maggots. Maybe these guys know what they're doing."**

"Ew gross." Ruby groaned.

Jaune nodded.

**Grif: "He's the chattiest corpse I've ever seen."**

"He's seen Church." Weiss laughed.

"Church is much less annoying." Blake pointed out.

**Sarge: "Work that shovel like a hoe. Work that hoe like a shovel."**

**The screen faded to black.**

"Next one." Ruby ordered.


	85. S5E84 Strong Male Figure

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 85- Strong Male Figure**

" **Strong Male Figure" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight hummed the theme.

**Fade in on the Alien looking very small again**

"It's so small." Ruby commented.

"It's so cute!" Nora yelled.

"I- I don't know, the big one was gross but now that it's small...it is cute." Ruby said amazed at her own words.

"The big one was gross and this one is even grosser." Weiss sighed.

Blake nodded, "it's even worse knowing they're parasites."

**Cut to Tucker and Church looking down.**

Yang clapped her hands together, "Yes! Tucker finally gets to see his kid."

"Parasitic offspring." Ren corrected under his breath.

**Church: "So this is it Tucker. This is your little monstrosity. Your little abomination of nature."**

Blake chuckled and shook her head.

**Tucker: "Uh, what do I do?"**

Yang and Ruby laughed.

"What is it?" Jaune asked.

"When Dad asked Qrow to babysit us when we were younger he never knew what to do." Yang laughed.

"I'm still surprised dad let him." Ruby chuckled. "It was awesome! We played video games and never did homework!"

"That sounds amazing." Nora said jealously.

**Church: "Why're you asking me?"**

**Tucker: "I don't know how to be a Dad. This isn't the way I planned it."**

"At least he planned somewhat to be a dad." Weiss chuckled.

 **Church: "You** _ **planned**_ **this? Tucker, I had no idea."**

**Tucker: "No no, I mean I always wanted to have the ideal Father-Son relationship. You know, where I see him for like eight hours every other weekend and send checks to some woman I hate."**

"His ideal Father son relationship is to be a divorced dad?" Jaune asked.

"That's not ideal." Pyrrha added.

Ruby shrugged, "Some guys aren't meant to be dads, like Qrow."

"I'm still surprised he hasn't ran to dad because he got some woman pregnant." Yang laughed.

Ruby laughed, "That would be awesome! I've always wanted a baby sis."

"Me too." Nora added.

"You sure?" Yang asked, "I don't think you could handle having a baby sister."

Ruby glared at Yang, "I could!"

Jaune laughed, "You want to test yourself?" Jaune asked, "If my little sisters ever come to Vale you can try watching over just one of them for the day."

Ruby beamed, "Really! You would let me watch over one of your sisters?"

Jaune laughed, "Trust me my parents would be glad to have a break."

Ruby grinned and glared at Yang confidently.

**Caboose: "It's emotional conversations like this that make me miss my Mom."**

Ruby sighed and sniffled.

Yang leaned over to her, "Ruby?" She whispered.

Ruby shook her head, "I'm fine just, miss her sometimes but I'm good I'll be good just give me a second." Ruby sighed shook her head again and grinned. "I'm good that line reminded me of how much I miss her."

Jaune smiled at the two and hit play.

**Church: "Alright look let's leave these two alone. Let 'em do a little bonding."**

**Tucker: "Hey don't leave me here with him, what'm I s'posed to say?"**

"Doc is a better caregiver." Pyrrha commented.

**Caboose: "Ask him if he likes baseball."**

"Hmm baseball, another sport." Ren commented.

**Church: "It's an alien baby Caboose."**

**Caboose: "Ask him if he likes T-ball."**

"Hmm, Baseball, Football, and now T-Ball. They have a lot of sports." Ren mumbled.

**Church: "** _**Alien** _ **, Caboose. Alien was the key word in that sentence."**

**Tucker: "Seriously,** _ **don't go.**_ **I don't even know where to start."**

"It's like watching Qrow if he had a kid." Yang laughed.

"I hope he does I really want a baby sis! Well she'd be our what? Niece?" Ruby asked.

"Cousin but technically just my Cousin but yeah." Yang explained.

**Church: "Tucker, he's part of an alien race whose only purpose seems to be to tell huge, grandiose lies to people, so that they can seduce them, and then impregnate them. So, why don't you start with that? You know, common ground."**

Ren sighed, "That explanation makes a whole lot more sense than the prophecy but then why would Gamma be a part of it?"

"Gamma? Oh right Gary I forgot you figured that out cause of the mini series." Jaune commented.

"It's a mystery." Blake said, "But I think Church is wrong or partly wrong. The Alien definitely wanted to Impregnate Tucker but there was importance with the Keysword and the Ship."

"Speaking of my Keysword, hows it going Weiss?" Jaune asked.

"Last that I heard it's going great but they're at a standstill and need upgraded diagrams as they said." Weiss shrugged.

**Tucker: "Yeah I think I'll just stick to baseball."**

**Caboose: "Tell him about how his Dad got to third base with you."**

Pyrrha and Yang laughed.

**Church: "Caboose!"**

**Cut to outside the Red Base, now sans Sarge**

**Grif: "So how much oxygen do you think Sarge has in his suit?"**

"He's probably already fallen in the cavern by now." Ren commented.

**Simmons: "** _**Ox** _ **ygen?"**

**Grif: "Yeah, you know, to breathe and stuff."**

**Simmons: "Oh, you know, probably like three hours depending on his level of activity."**

"They really are content with him suffocating." Pyrrha sighed.

**Grif: "He's buried six feet underground. I don't think he's got much chance for activities."**

"You could make an underground house!" Nora shouted.

**Simmons: "Well, I don't think you're an authority."**

**Grif: "Authority? We didn't even use a coffin, we just threw a buncha dirt on him."**

"Coffins are a waste of money." Yang commented.

Jaune nodded, "They really are a scam."

"What? How so?" Weiss asked.

"Think about it." Jaune started, "Your loved one dies, its sad. But hey look there's the nice salesman with a fancy box whose just _waiting_ to exploit your grief for money."

"...That's pretty dark for you Jaune." Blake said as her eyes widened. "But you're right."

Jaune shrugged, "A lot of family friends complained about the costs."

Weiss sighed, "Now that I think about it...wow I'm surprised my dad doesn't make coffins."

"Coffins! Now with dust!" Yang said flourishing her hands.

Weiss burst out laughing. "Please I don't want my father getting any ideas."

 **Simmons: "No;** _ **I**_ **threw a bunch of dirt on him. You two only pretended to help and made a bunch of digging noises with your mouth!"**

 **Grif: "You** _ **know**_ **that trick?"**

**Sister: "I learned from the best!"**

**Simmons: "Well, as your new Commander you're both gonna learn a little discipline. And we're gonna start by running laps around the base. Sister, you can do girly laps."**

"Girly laps?" Nora said confused.

"No idea but sounds childish." Blake commented.

**Grif: "You mean after we dig up Sarge."**

**Simmons: "(drawing a shotgun) No I mean right now, Grif."**

"Did he take Sarge's shotgun?" Ruby asked.

Yang laughed, "Wow he did."

 **Sister: "What're** _ **girly**_ **laps?"**

**Grif: "Hey, Simmons? I don't think Sarge is gonna like you picking up his shotgun."**

"I'm surprised he didn't want to be buried with it." Blake commented.

**Simmons cocks the shotgun**

**Grif: "And I** _ **really**_ **don't think he's gonna like you threatening me with it. ...Well okay, he might like that part."**

**Simmons: "As the new leader, what I say goes. So everyone needs to start running,** _**right now."** _

"I'm glad you're not like that Weiss, now that you're leader of all of us." Jaune commented.

"Weiss still hasn't had a chance to lead us yet." Ren pointed out.

"It's still just ego points." Blake pointed out.

"And with those _ego points_." Weiss said glaring at Blake, "I became Queen. When I get the chance I will lead you all in toon exercises."

"Hurray." Yang said sarcastically.

"What was our first Toon mission again?" Ruby asked.

"It was to...Donate blood wasn't it?" Weiss asked.

"I think I remember that." Jaune confirmed.

"Wasn't there something before that?" Pyrrha asked.

Weiss thought for a moment, "Doesn't matter we all forgot, our first mission is to donate blood-"

"For cookies!" Ruby and Nora shouted.

"And also helping people." Ruby whispered.

"And our next one is to get some kind of medic training." Weiss explained, "and after that toon training."

"Should we also get masks for our Fantasies thing?" Yang asked.

Weiss shook her head, "We have years until then. I'm going to wait until I graduate."

"That makes sense." Yang nodded and gestured for Jaune to hit play.

**Grif: "But what about Sarge?"**

**Simmons: "You heard what Command said. Sarge is dead. He died of... what'd he die of?"**

**Sister: "Aspirin overdose."**

Ren and Jaune's eyes widened.

"Guess that means she was there to replace Captain Flowers." Jaune said.

Ren nodded while crossing out notes.

"What?" Nora asked.

"Sister is there to replace Church who I guess is getting promoted because Captain Flowers died." Jaune explained.

**Simmons: "See, Sarge is dead of a- an Aspirin overdose? Really?"**

**Sister: "I know! I didn't think it was possible. And trust me, I've tried."**

"Wait what?" Yang mumbled, "Come on really? She's a druggie?"

"Yep." Blake sighed while popping the p.

**Simmons: "Yeah, wait- what?"**

**Grif: "Simmons, don't be stupid! He's not dead, he's just lying underground covered in dirt."**

**Simmons: "If I say he's dead, he's dead. Ah'm the leader, me! And being the leader means you have to make tough decisions. Like, just for talking back, you can't do girly laps."**

"What are girly laps?" Nora asked again.

No one answered as Nora huffed.

**Grif: "You've gone blind with imaginary power, Simmons."**

Yang leaned over to Jaune and Blake, "Sounds like Weiss."

The two snickered.

**Simmons: "Uh hoh hoh, on the contrary. I think I've gone blind with** _**very real power."** _

**Sister: "Seriously, what the fuck are girly laps!?"**

"Can someone please tell me!" Nora yelled.

"We don't know." Ren sighed.

 **Simmons: "Both of you, shut up.** _ **You're running.**_ **I'm calling Red Command for confirmation."**

**Sister: "Why're you calling Red Command?"**

**Simmons: "For con-fir-mation. Stop asking questions."**

**Sister: "You keep talking about them. Why don't you call** _ **our**_ **guys?"**

"What?" Jaune asked.

**Grif: "Our guys?"**

**Sister: "Yeah, the Blue guys."**

"Is she stupid or something?" Ruby asked.

Yang sighed, "yeah."

**Simmons: "Excuse me, the whazzawha?"**

**Sister: "The Blue guys. The guys that sent me here. In the big ship."**

"But? Sarge called the ship." Ruby said confused as she scratched her head.

"More of Vic's manipulation?" Ren wondered aloud.

**Simmons: "Grif?"**

**Grif: "Uhh, yeah, this might be a bad time to bring up the fact that my Sister is colour blind."**

Blake and Ren laughed.

"Oh thats perfect!" Blake laughed, "I'm still amazed at how they can come up with these unique scenarios."

**Simmons: "** _**What?"** _

**Sister: "I don't get it, what's the grey guy so upset about?"**

"If she's colorblind how does she know what grey is?" Nora asked.

"It's a joke." Jaune explained, "I don't know where I heard it but I guess doctors say that color blind people see shades of grey."

"Shades of grey? Is that that weird sex book you read?" Yang asked looking at Blake.

"Shades of Red." Blake mumbled glaring at Yang.

**Simmons: "But girls can't be color blind!"**

"Why not?" Nora asked.

**Sister: "Yeah? Well they say girls can't ejaculate either. But guess what!"**

Yang burst out laughing while everyone else cringed.

"Why!" Ruby yelled.

Yang continued to laugh.

"Gah! She's like Yang but worse!" Blake groaned.

Yang just continued to laugh.

**Grif: "Yeah! Wait what!?"**

Yang calmed down slightly but kept having mini bursts of giggles, "Oh that's too good."

**Simmons: "I can't believe it. With such a simple espionage plan the Blues have decimated our forces. Quick quick, get me a shovel! Uho, Sarge is gonna be pissed!"**

**Simmons runs off.**

**Grif: "Hey, Simmons, if she's not here for Sarge, who the hell is she here to replace?"**

**Cut to Donut in the underground(Trocadero Reference, pretty cool) in the Underground with Tex's and Church's bodies.**

"Ahh I love this show." Yang said as she finally stopped laughing.

**Donut: "Ohh, ohh, uh- Uhhh, ohhh. Uhhhhh. What happened? Where am I? Oh, maybe they know. But it might be rude to wake them up. I'll just wait here a while. *random tune humming*"**

**The screen faded to Black.**

"Is that Tex's and Church's bodies?" Ruby asked.

"I think so." Pyrrha answered.

"He's under blue base then." Ren commented. "I guess they can't show Flowers's body because Tucker took his armor and I guess Caboose got Tucker's old armor."

Jaune nodded, "Well unless anyone has any new guesses for who O'Malley's in I'll play the next episode...no? Ok then." Jaune said hitting play.

* * *

_**What I want improved:** _

_**COMEDY** _ **\- it feels forced and terrible since season 3**

_**CHARACTER DEV** _ **\- Yang(need I say more?)**

_**FIGHT SCENES** _ **\- hope they keep improving**

_**CHARACTER WRITING** _ **\- lines and actions from certain characters made no sense and could have been replaced with another character or not have existed and nothing would have changed.**

_**DIALOGUE** _ **\- so much dialogue has either been awkward/terrible or did not move the story at all**

_**RUBY** _ **\- her dumbass speeches and her "Development" needs to be improved. Qrow- he should have fallen off the wagon big time, he just learned his entire reason for fighting was a lie he should have given up.**

_**BUMBLEBEE** _ **\- can't change the past now but Yang has no PTSD and Yang and Blakes relationship needs to feel more natural and not forced Fan service.**

_**WEISS AND BLAKE** _ **\- Honestly Blake should have told Weiss about Adams SDC brand when they hated each other in season 1 but Weiss needs to realize the full ramifications of what the SDC does and needs to conflict with her dad and brother**

_**ANIMATION** _ **\- EYEBROWS DO NOT FUCKING SHOW THROUGH HAIR! God this has been a complaint of mine for years holy shit fix the damn eyebrows.**

_**What I want added:** _

_**DR. MERLOT** _ **\- he's such an interesting character and they can add him without ever mentioning Grimm Eclipse**

_**MORE WHITE FANG TERRORISM** _ **\- We need more than just Ozpin and crew vs Salem and crew(This also goes with Dr. Merlot being added)**

_**FAUNUS OPPRESSION** _ **\- So far except for Adams branding and mentioning of Faunus labor in SDC we have not seen much oppression and the White Fang seems like a stupid group of terrorists with no good reason to drop Grimm into a city. I want to see why the Faunus felt so subjugated and hated that they felt they needed to kill to get rights**

_**MORE POLITICS** _ **\- I want to see how these kingdoms work and I want to see the discord. Maybe Vale is mad at Atlas for not selling them military equipment that could have stopped the dragon earlier? Stopped the fall of beacon(Giant Robot) Maybe Atlas didn't want to sell them military tech because they want to always be the strongest military.**

_**WORLD OF REMNANT-** _ **I do not mean "no episode this week but here's 3 minutes of world building!" I mean "Wow! Awesome new episode and *gasp!* a World of Remnant too? Cool!"**

**What do you want improved/added to RWBY season 7?**


	86. S5E85 Yellow Fever

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 86- Yellow Fever**

" **Yellow Fever" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight hummed the theme.

"Yellow Fever." Ren read.

"I love the titles of the episodes." Blake smiled, "I bet it's a reference to Sister being annoying or something. Like a disease."

**Fade in to the Simmons and Sister**

**Simmons: "Oh my God what's wrong with you, why didn't you tell us you were a Blue?"**

**Sister: "Be** _**cause** _ **-"**

**Simmons: "And don't say(High pitched girl voice) 'because nobody asked'"**

"I don't think we've ever seen Simmons this mad before." Ruby commented.

 **Sister: "But nobody** _ **did**_ **ask!"**

**Simmons: "God dammit."**

**Grif: "So what if she is a Blue? We'll still keep her."**

"Yeah as a prisoner." Weiss nodded.

"When did they start fighting again? I thought they teamed up?" Nora asked.

"Have you not been paying attention?" Pyrrha asked nicely.

Nora shrugged.

"Around season four." Jaune answered.

**Simmons: "We can't do that. She's on the other team, she'll kill us in our sleep if we keep her."**

"If she was a real soldier she would." Weiss commented.

"Or Tex." Yang laughed.

**Sister: "Do I get to do that? That would be awesome!"**

"That's how we know she's not a real soldier." Blake joked.

**Grif: "No she wouldn't. Besides she's color-blind. We'll just tell her we're Blues."**

"I don't think that would work." Pyrrha commented.

**Simmons: "Uh, hello, we already told her we're Red? Idiot."**

**Grif: "Yeah? Well she's fucking dumb, too-"**

Everyone even Ren burst out laughing, that kind of laugh that comes from something you not expecting.

"I- I was not expecting that!" Pyrrha said laughing.

"He was so nonchalant." Blake laughed.

"Yeah? Well she's fucking dumb too!" Yang repeated while laughing, "I think that's my favorite line in the entire show."

"If I could make a soundboard of quotes from this show that would be the first one." Jaune laughed.

"Rewind it please I need to hear that again." Ruby laughed.

"Yes do it!" Nora ordered.

**Grif: "Yeah? Well she's fucking dumb, too-"**

Another round of laughter ensued.

"Ah wow just." Weiss paused to laugh, "wow he's talking about his sister which makes it even better."

"I feel mean for laughing but-" Pyrrha chuckled again.

Yang continued to snicker. "Ok play it I want to see where this goes."

**Grif turns to Sister**

**Grif: "Hey, we're Blue now."**

**Sister: "Woohoo, go Blue, let's win!"**

"Wow he was right." Yang laughed.

**Grif: "See?"**

"I don't think even Caboose is that dumb." Weiss laughed.

"Caboose is a...different kind of dumb." Pyrrha winced.

"Sister is a bimbo kind of dumb while Caboose is a dumb kind of dumb." Yang laughed.

Pyrrha sighed but nodded, "yeah."

**Simmons: "Oh please, she'll figure it out."**

**Grif: "No she won't. In high school she got kicked off of the cheerleading squad three times for rooting for the wrong team."**

"That's incredible." Blake shook her head.

 **Simmons: "No, she can't stay. I know, we'll tell the Blues that we took her prisoner. Maybe we can get something** _ **outta**_ **this mess."**

"Smart." Weiss commented.

"He is a much better leader than Sarge, although that's not saying much." Pyrrha chuckled.

"Sarge is the best leader in the show." Nora argued.

**Grif: "No way, we can't send her over** _**there** _ **, they'll kill her!"**

**Simmons: "Why would they kill her Grif, she's Blue. It's not like the Blue team goes around killing its own members."**

Everyone except Ren and Nora chuckled.

"That's a great callback." Jaune laughed.

"Caboose hasn't killed Church in a while though." Pyrrha pointed out.

"He still killed him in the first place, even if it was an accident he did shoot him again." Weiss pointed out.

"But that was an accident too wasn't it?" Ruby asked.

"Yeah he shot Church because he possessed Sarge." Pyrrha explained.

"A lot of accidents." Jaune laughed.

**Grif: "Oh, right, because she's a Blue. And if she's over** _**there** _ **, then the only people that would be trying to kill her, would be us."**

**Simmons: "Exactly."**

**Grif: "And that means she'd be safe. Because we're like the shittiest team ever."**

"What? Red team is the best!" Nora argued. "...Right Ren?" Nora asked threateningly.

Ren sighed, "Go Red team." Ren said monotoned.

"Very inspiring." Weiss said sarcastically. "But now that Simmons is back on Red team I have to say I'm for Red team again."

"Me too." Blake added.

"Traitors!...again!" Ruby shouted.

"Ruby you aren't for any team remember? I thought you and me were lone wolves, Agents of Patch. Freelancers." Yang reminded Ruby.

"Oh right...Yeah! Agents of Patch!" Ruby cheered.

Jaune shrugged, "Then I guess that just makes me and Pyrrha the only ones rooting for Blue team."

"Go blue team." Pyrrha laughed nervously.

**Simmons: "Well, I don't know about that. As our new leader, I have some pretty bold plans to-"**

**Grif: "But you're not the leader. It was a misunderstanding. You're the guy who** _ **buried**_ **our leader."**

"He has a point." Weiss laughed.

**Simmons: "You helped! We're in this together."**

**Grif: "No, I made digging noises with my mouth. Remember?"**

Yang and Jaune laughed.

 **Simmons: "** _ **Oh God, get me a shovel!**_ **(runs off toward the base)"**

"I wonder what Sarge and Donut are doing." Ren commented.

"Donut is probably getting ordered around by Sarge." Blake guessed.

**Grif: "Yeah, um... Okay, you're a Blue."**

**Sister: "Touchdown! Woohoo, go Blue!"**

"Hey she rooted for the right team...whats football?" Ruby asked.

"It's a sport they have mentioned before." Ren answered.

**Grif: "No, I mean we're Red, but you're Blue. That means you've gotta get outta here before Simmons digs up Sarge."**

**Sister: "I** _ **love**_ **digging, I want to help."**

Yang burst out laughing but tried holding it in.

"Whats so funny?" Ruby asked.

"Nothing nothing." Yang waved her off. "She said she loves digging and I thought she meant- never mind." Yang laughed.

Ruby and Weiss groaned while Blake sighed when she got what Yang was laughing at. Team JNPR just sat by waiting until Jaune could hit play.

**Grif: "** _**No, you're leaving."** _

**Sister: "Where're we going?"**

**Grif: "The other base."**

**Sister: "The Red base?"**

**Grif: "No, the Blue base."**

**Sister: "We have two bases? Awesome!"**

"So dumb." Weiss sighed.

**Grif: "Move!"**

"It's strange seeing Grif take charge for once." Pyrrha commented.

**Cut to Church and Caboose on top of a hill near Blue base as Tucker approaches**

**Tucker: "Hey have you guys seen Doc? I need him to babysit for a while."**

**Church: "Yeah I got him talkin' to Sheila. She's been actin' real wacky lately."**

"Whats the point in betting if it's so obvious?" Ruby asked.

"My bet isn't on Sheila." Ren pointed out. "And because of the rules whoever is wrong pays the victors 80 Lien each."

"I thought it was 100?" Yang said confused.

Ren sighed, "100 Lien then."

"You getting cold feat Ren?" Weiss smirked.

Ren shook his head, "I'm confident I'm right."

 **Tucker: "Oh yeah? You mean weirder than your** _ **average**_ **talking tank?"**

Weiss and Blake laughed.

"I wish my baby could talk." Yang sighed.

"Hey, when I'm done with her she is going to have guns on the front of her!" Ruby said confidently.

"And hopefully float." Yang added.

"Yeah, I just need to figure out how those bus taxi things in Argus work." Ruby sighed.

Pyrrha laughed, "Like I said I can ask a friend in Argus."

"And I can ask my sister and her wife." Jaune pointed out.

Ruby beamed, "Thanks but after this season."

**Church: "Don't be snarky."**

**Tucker: "Sorry dude, it's the hormones. I just had a baby!"**

"I do remember my mom being really mean right after having a baby." Jaune thought aloud.

**Church: "Yeah, Sheila's been acting kinda distant and weird. Plus she's been saying these random threatening things. Kinda reminds me of somebody else."**

"Exactly like Caboose when O'Malley possessed him." Ruby commented.

"Infected, O'Malley isn't a ghost like Tex and Church." Ren pointed out.

 **Tucker: "So why is** _ **Doc**_ **talking to her?"**

**Church: "What you didn't hear the 'threatening' part I just said? I'm not goin' over there."**

**Tucker: "Why not send Caboose? Aren't they like, in love or something?"**

Pyrrha laughed and shook her head.

**Church: "Dude, I've had all the cross-species babies that I can take for a while. The last thing I need is a junior Caboose runnin' around with a hundred and thirty millimeter cannon for a head. Your little devil-spawn is enough for me."**

Yang laughed while picturing what that would look like.

"Church is really mean to Tuckers kid." Pyrrha said narrowing her eyes.

**Tucker: "Don't talk about my kid like that."**

**Church: "What's** _ **your**_ **deal?"**

"Its his kid, Parents are protective." Jaune pointed out.

**Tucker: "I don't know, I think I'm kinda getting in to this whole parenting thing. I caught myself looking at minivans the other day. Gruuhgh."**

Jaune laughed, "My parents had to get a mini-van for all of us."

**Church: "Of course you are. That's why you need a babysitter for a newborn. I'll be sure to nominate you for Dad of the Year."**

Blake and Weiss laughed again.

**Tucker: "Don't judge me."**

**Church: "Anyway, Doc's gonna figure out what's wrong with her and give her a little tune-up."**

"But Sheila is a tank? He can't diagnose her with anything." Blake pointed out.

"What if that's why Sheila can talk! She's organic." Nora gasped.

Ren just shook his head.

 **Tucker: "But Doc's not a mechanic, he's a doctor. 'n not a doctor, a** _ **medic**_ **. I guess he's not really a medic either 'cause he's never really helped anyone. He's just some,** _ **annoying**_ **guy that we know, with purple armour, who's annoying. Point is, Doc's not a mechanic."**

"Good points." Weiss laughed, "He's not a mechanic and he's just an annoying guy in purple armor."

"He was right about Tucker being pregnant though." Ruby pointed out.

"Yeah, I like Doc." Pyrrha smiled.

 **Church: "I know. I figure Doc's mechanic skills are probably about as bad as his first aid skills. He's either gonna fix her by accident, or make her completely inoperable, and then I can go down there and figure out what's** _ **really**_ **goin' on. Either way, I win. Oh, he might also get blown up by her, that's also good."**

"Either way I win." Jaune repeated."That reminds me of when Church threatened to shoot Tucker if he didn't go through the teleporter."

"That was the first season right?" Ren asked.

Jaune nodded.

"For some reason that feels so long ago even though it was just a couple of days." Pyrrha commented.

"It's weird." Ruby added.

**Cut to Doc in front of Sheila**

**Doc: "Yeah maybe Yoga lessons weren't such a guhood idea after all. Let's try some deep breathing. In through the air filter... out through the manifold... in through the air filter... out through the manifold."**

"At least he has his parts right." Ruby laughed.

**Sheila aims at Doc's forehead**

**Doc: "Uh, okay, why don't we try some aversion therapy. Think about something that makes you really angry, that isn't me."**

**Sheila: "Sure."**

**Cut to Church looking at Sheila through the sniper rifle as she aims directly at him**

Blake laughed, "He's doing better than I thought he would."

"Maybe she's so angry at Church because O'Malley hates Church for trying to kill him." Jaune theorized.

"Or because her jealousy turned to outright anger." Yang pointed out. "From when Church got all the vehicles in the canyon."

"Pfft what? no, that doesn't make sense why would she still be mad over something as ridiculous as jealousy?" Jaune asked.

Yang sighed, "You do not know women that well do you?"

"What?" Jaune asked while Pyrrha facepalmed next to him.

"Never mind just hit play." Yang laughed.

**Church: "Uhhh, yeah... I don't feel as good about my plan as I used to."**

**Grif approaches with Sister on a hill somewhat far from them.**

**Grif: "Hey Blues!"**

**Church aims down his sniper and looks at them.**

**Church: "Aw crap, here we go. They must have figured out how fucked up our team is right now. Oh shit, they even brought their new guy t-"**

**Tucker: "Girl."**

"There team is messed up as he said." Weiss laughed.

 **Church: "** _ **What ever!**_ **Just play along. Act like our team is okay, and we have everything under control."**

 **Tucker: "Please, I been puttin' on** _ **that**_ **act fer like three years now."**

Blake and Weiss laughed.

"From day one they were incompetent." Weiss laughed.

**Church: "** _**What do you want, Red?"** _

**Grif: "** _**I got a prisoner for you!"** _

**Church: "What'd he say?"**

**Tucker: "He says he has a prisoner for us."**

**Church: "Oh what, they're** _ **giving**_ **us prisoners now? Dude, that sounds like bullshit, I smell a trap."**

"If they were a real army I would agree." Weiss laughed, "but they're idiots."

**Tucker: "Reds aren't that smart."**

"Simmons is." Pyrrha pointed out.

**Church: "Okay normally I would agree with that. But this is the orange one, he's pretty crafty. He's a lot like me."**

"That's true." Blake commented.

Ren nodded, "Grif and Church have many similarities."

 **Tucker: "Like you?** _ **Shit.**_ **Then do I have time to put in my ear plugs and hide all our food?"**

Pyrrha, Ren, and Jaune laughed and glanced at Nora.

**Church: "Up yours dickhead. Why would they wanna give us one o' their guys?"**

**Tucker: "Why're you asking me?"**

**Church: "Oh right.** _**Why're you giving us one o' your guys as a prisoner?"** _

**Grif: "** _ **She's one o- your guys! She came to our side by mistake!**_ **What's their deal, why aren't they going for this? We have to hurry. I gotta get back before Simmons digs up Sarge."**

"Has it been three hours?" Ren asked.

"What?" Ruby asked.

"They said three hours until his oxygen supply ran out, I know he's probably in the cavern but I'm just curious." Ren mumbled. "But never mind there's no way to tell time."

**Church: "I don't buy this.** _**Whadda you want for her?"** _

**Grif: "** _**Uhm, nothing. It w- it was an honest mistake, uh you can have her back now, no harm no foul. Well, look can we hurry this up?"** _

**Church: "Yeah, this is bullshit."**

**Tucker: "Ask for something else."**

"Greedy." Weiss sighed.

**Church: "** _**Uh, we want something else."** _

**Grif: "** _**What? I'm releasing a hostage! You don't negotiate up from there!"** _

"Sadly sometimes you can." Weiss sighed again.

**Tucker: "** _**Got any money?"** _

**Grif: "** _ **Fuck you dude!**_ **Get going, call me if you have any problems, and don't go near any Reds from now on. I'll try to keep our team distracted so they can't attack you. Whatever you do, don't embarass the family. Think of Mom."**

"That's kind of sweet." Pyrrha smiled.

Jaune, and Yang nodded as the two understood that protective feeling.

**Sister: "Don't do me any favours, bitch."**

"Mean." Ruby commented.

**Church: "** _**What else was on the ship?"** _

**Grif: "** _**What do you mean!?"** _

**Church: "** _**Yeah like guns, or weapons..."** _

**Tucker: "** _ **Or snacks!**_ **Dude I'm just asking 'cause I know you wanted to."**

"I want a snack." Nora said looking to Ren who sighed and got up.

**Grif: "** _**Nope, just the girl. Sorry, there weren't any more aliens for you guys to fuck!"** _

Yang laughed, "he does realize he just sent his sister over there right?"

Blake sighed, "oh no."

**Tucker: "** _**That's okay, we can still fuck this one!"** _

**Sister: "Woohoo!"**

Yang burst out laughing.

"Wow she's like the personification of Yang's perverted side." Weiss commented.

Everyone except Yang burst out laughing.

Yang glared at Weiss.

**Grif: "** _**God dammit! Never mind, just send her back!"** _

**Church: "** _**No takebacks!"** _

**Grif: "** _**Ahw, what the fuck!?"** _

"He regrets it immediately." Jaune laughed.

**Simmons approaches from the rear (heh) and joins Grif.**

**Simmons: "Oh my God Grif he's gone!"**

Ren smiled, "Knew it, Sarge is down in the cavern."

**Grif: "Who's gone?"**

**Simmons: "Sarge, he's missing! I dug up his grave and he's not in there."**

**Grif: "What? Did you dig in the right spot?"**

**Simmons: "Oh, you're right, maybe I dug up one of the** _ **other**_ **fresh graves that we just made. I didn't fucking think of that!"**

"Church was stressed before and now it's Simmons's turn." Weiss chuckled.

"He was leader for less than a day and already messed everything up." Blake laughed.

**Grif: "Oh calm down."**

**Simmons: "Don't tell me to be calm, we're down two men now! Awh, at least we still have the Blue prisoner we can use as leverage. Hey, what're you doing out here in the middle of the canyon?"**

Weiss and Blake laughed.

**Grif: "Uhhh, nothing. So that uh, that Sarge thing's pretty crazy."**

**Simmons: "Hey, is that your sister over there with the Blues?"**

**Grif starts backing away...**

Weiss and Blake continued to laugh.

**Simmons: "What's she doing over** _**there** _ **? ...Why're they all high-fiving? Are they making a cheerleading pyramid? Whoa they're really tossing her high in the air. Grif? Grif, hey! Where'd he go"**

**The screen faded to black.**

"...well I have no response to the cheerleading pyramid. That was weird but uhh next episode?" Jaune asked.

Everyone nodded.


	87. S5E86 Brass Tacks

**Author's Note:**

**Best review so far "Man, half the reason I read this story is for seeing character reactions and the other half watching you pick fights with the fandom in the author notes XD. I don't think I've ever seen so much audience engagement from an author before."-Grifman275**

**I love interacting with you all and hearing your opinions on RWBY, it's been amazing being able to write this fic and have all the support from you. Love you all and can't wait to get all the way to season 13!**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 87- Brass Tacks**

" **Brass tacks" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight hummed the theme.

**Fade in to Church talking with Sister**

**Church: "Well uh, welcome to Blue Team. I guess we should probably give you uh, some kind of orientation or somethin' like that. So this is the uh, this is the** _ **base**_ **here. This is the outside of the base. ...Inside's on the inside..."**

"Really? The inside is on the inside?" Yang repeated sarcastically.

"I never would have guessed." Jaune added.

**Church: "go through that door, right there, get to the inside. Um, there's a ramp over here, there's another one on the other side. It's kinda smaller, does the same thing though. Uh, it's got a basement, ...nuhm, there's a middle part 'n' there's a top part... got some, you know blue flags here, on the outside, 's come in handy when you're, you know tryin' to identify the colour of the base, it's blue."**

"This is a really awkward explanation." Ruby commented.

"Aww it's like you!" Yang teased.

"Hey I've gotten over a lot of my social awkwardness!" Ruby argued.

Yang laughed, "I know Rubes."

**Church: "Anyway, that uh pretty much covers the base, so... anyway, yeah, that's it."**

**Sister: "Cool."**

**Church: "I'm Church, I'm the leader. Everybody looks up to me."**

"Do they?" Weiss asked.

"Caboose does." Pyrrha pointed out.

**Church:" Pretty much the only rule for rookies on the Blue Team is: don't kill the leader. That's me."**

Pyrrha smiled and shook her head. "It is kind of sad they need that rule."

**Sister: "That's it?"**

**Church: "That's it."**

**Sister: "Sounds easy."**

"It really should be." Blake laughed.

**Church: "Yeah well we're, still waiting for someone to follow that rule. So anyway, uh tell me about yourself. What's your training."**

**Sister: "Training?"**

**Church: "Yeah. What've you been told so far."**

**Sister: "Oh right. That's the base, and you're the leader, and I shouldn't kill you. Ever. ...Did I pass?"**

"A plus plus." Yang joked.

 **Church: "No, I mean like what kind of** _ **military**_ **training do you have. Weapons?"**

**Sister: "Uh, those sound violent."**

"She did mean to join the army right? She has to know what an army is right?" Jaune asked.

"Actually you can join the army as a conscientious objector." Weiss pointed out.

"A what?" Jaune asked.

"A pacifist." Weiss answered.

"Oh like Doc?" Jaune asked.

Weiss nodded, "Yeah but actually useful."

"I've heard of Conscientious objectors before, during the great war wasn't there a soldier that saved around 75 men in one night? Including some enemy soldiers?" Pyrrha asked.

"I heard about him, he fought for Vale, well not fought he only joined to save lives instead of taking them." Ren explained.

"...That's amazing." Ruby said.

**Church: "Operations?"**

**Sister: "I don't even know how that works."**

**Church: "Communications."**

**Sister: "Say** _**what?"** _

Blake and Ren laughed.

**Church: "Huhhhh, intelligence?"**

**Sister: "Uhhh, huh?"**

"This joke is kind of clever." Blake smiled.

Ren nodded.

**Church: "Hhh, great."**

**Sister: "Yeah, sorry, doesn't sound like I have any of the skills you need. Unless you wanna see my ping pong ball trick."**

**Church: "Yeah... wait, what?"**

"I really hope she doesn't mean what I think." Yang gagged.

"Ugh if you think it's gross it must be truly disgusting." Weiss commented.

**Cut to Grif and Simmons running from right to left**

**Grif: "Slow down!"**

**Simmons: "There's no time, Sarge is gone! I was digging a hole, and I kept digging, but there was no Sarge, and then finally I dug deep enough, and I found another hole."**

"If this was realistic the ground would have caved in by now." Ren commented.

**Grif: "You dug a hole, and found a hole. Isn't that what a hole is?"**

"He's right." Nora commented.

Ren sighed, "no he's not."

**Simmons: "No no no, I mean a hole at the** _**bottom** _ **. It opened in to some kind of, big cavern."**

**Grif stops running**

**Grif: "A cavern? A cavern like a cave? Like a cave with** _**bats?"** _

**Simmons: "I don't know, why, are you afraid of bats or something?"**

"Bats are kind of scary." Jaune mumbled.

Ruby and Nora nodded.

"Bats aren't scary." Blake commented. "Some are cute."

Yang did a double take "I'm sorry what? Did you say bats are cute?"

"Some bats yeah." Blake shrugged.

"Yeah, and so are lions." Yang shook her head.

"Lions are pretty cute." Ruby mumbled.

Blake nodded.

 **Grif: "Afraid of bats, no. Why would I be afraid of bats? And why would you even** _ **ask**_ **that question? Were there bats or something? That's kind of a weird thing to ask just for no reason."**

"Real convincing." Blake joked.

**Simmons: "I didn't see any bats, okay?"**

**Grif: "Did you** _ **hear**_ **any bats?"**

**Simmons: "** _**No** _ **."**

**Grif: "Did you** _ **smell**_ **any bats."**

**Simmons: "I don't know what bats smell like!"**

"They don't smell good." Blake explained.

"Not surprising." Yang laughed.

**Grif: "And let's hope you never find out. Is it getting dark? We should get inside."**

**Simmons: "It hasn't gotten dark here in three fucking years, asshole."**

"How do they sleep?" Weiss asked.

"I could sleep anywhere at anytime." Yang said confidently.

"I can too!" Nora said as equally confident.

Jaune sighed and hit play before the two could try competing against each other.

**Cut back to Church and Sister, now joined by Tucker and his Parasite baby**

**Church: "And this, is Tucker."**

**Tucker: "** _**Sup."** _

Yang, Weiss, and Blake groaned.

"If a guy ever says sup to me I immediately ignore him." Yang commented.

Blake and Weiss nodded.

**Sister: "Hey."**

**Church: "Tucker's job is to do... what, I guess nothing."**

"None of them have a job, their entire fight is a lie." Jaune pointed out.

"We just don't know the real reason they fight." Ren groaned.

**Tucker: "I'm just chillin'. That's the only rule on Blue Team, Rookie: be cool."**

"Of course he's trying to sound cool around her." Yang sighed.

Jaune sighed, "I made that mistake before."

Yang and Blake laughed while Weiss moved down in her seat.

"Yeah we know." Yang laughed.

**Sister: "I thought the only rule was don't kill the leader."**

**Tucker: "Yeah, but we break that rule all the time. That's what makes us so cool."**

"And terrible." Weiss added.

**Sister: "Awesome, on the Red Team, we break that rule-"**

**Junior: "Rawr, rawr rawr."**

**Sister: "Oh cool, you have a dog?"**

"That would be one ugly dog." Blake laughed.

"Junior is cute!" Nora huffed.

"Yeah!" Ruby agreed.

**Tucker: "Uh, that's not a dog, that's my kid?"**

**Sister: "Oh,** _ **cool,**_ **you have a kid that looks like a dog?"**

**Church: "Nice save."**

"Nic- aw he beat me to it." Yang laughed.

**Cut briefly to Caboose exiting Blue Base toward the ramp**

**Church: "Hey, you know what? I think I have the perfect tour guide for you. Hey Caboose, come here!"**

"This is going to be good." Pyrrha laughed.

**Sister: "I thought about having a kid once."**

**Tucker: "Oh really? It's a lot of work."**

"It really is." Jaune sighed.

"And your mom had eight, that's crazy." Nora commented.

Jaune laughed.

"Qrow couldn't even handle babysitting." Yang laughed.

**Sister: "Yeah, it seems like it would be hard. But I thought, you know, who wants to be known as the girl who's had seven abortions?"**

"What! Seven!" Weiss yelled.

"Oh that's gross." Yang cringed.

"Seven wow." Jaune shook his head.

"Wrap it before you tap it." Yang laughed.

"Ugh." Ruby groaned while pinching the bridge of her nose.

Jaune laughed, "Don't be silly wrap your willy."

"Why Jaune?" Ruby sighed.

Yang grinned, "don't be a prick, cover your dick."

"No glove no love." Jaune smirked.

"Don't be a dummy cum on her tummy." Yang laughed.

"Please stop." Ruby sighed.

"Please." Weiss added.

"If you go into heat package your meat." Blake joined in.

Yang burst out laughing, "Blake wow! I would not expect you to make that joke."

Blake shrugged, "It's a slightly racist one Sun told me."

"Are we done now? I have more." Jaune asked.

Yang nodded, "That was great."

Jaune laughed and nodded.

"I was not expecting that." Pyrrha commented.

"I'm gonna hit play but wow." Jaune laughed.

"We played off of each other so well." Yang laughed.

Jaune nodded, "Yeah."

"Blondes unite!" Yang shouted.

Jaune held up a fist and hit play.

"And Blake." Yang added.

**Tucker: "Heh, yeheah... wait, what?"**

**Church: "Alright,** _ **this**_ **is Caboose. He can tell you** _ **everything**_ **you'd possibly need to know about Blue Base."**

"Church already did that, there's not much to tell." Blake laughed.

**Caboose: "Is she a mean girl, or a regular girl?"**

"A dumb one." Yang answered.

**Church: "Caboose, what did I tell you."**

**Caboose: "That there are no regular girls."**

Yang laughed, "Of course Church would give him that advice."

"He is sort of right though, no one is regular." Pyrrha pointed out.

"Alright lets not get philosophical again." Yang warned.

**Church: "Exactly. Alright, so just stick with him, ask him any questions you have, aaand just don't bother me. Or Tucker."**

"It's sort of nice he added Tucker." Pyrrha commented.

**Caboose: "What do I tell her?"**

**Sister: "Well, I already know the rule."**

**Caboose: "I hate that stupid rule."**

Pyrrha laughed and shook her head.

**Tucker: "Go show her Doc and Sheila."**

**Caboose turns to look back toward Blue Base, where Doc and Sheila are hanging out**

**Caboose: "The purple one is Doc, and the big one is Sheila."**

"That was fast." Ruby commented.

**Cut to show Tucker, Church, and Junior with Tex sneaking up behind them.**

Blake squinted, "is that Tex?"

"What where?" Jaune asked.

"Oh I see her!" Nora shouted.

"Yay Tex is back!" Ruby cheered.

"And she's coming back to find out she's been replaced!" Yang laughed.

Blake and Weiss laughed too.

"Oh this is going to be amazing." Blake smiled.

**Church: "You know, I was really wishing that would take longer. ...And further away."**

**Sister: "Who's the black one?"**

**Church: "The black one?"**

**Sister: "Yeah, the one in the black armour? The one standing** _**right behind you guys** _ **."**

**Caboose: "The black one, yeah. (Tex's theme plays) Wait, what."**

**The screen fades to black.**

"Play the next one!" Nora ordered.


	88. S5E87 The Nesting Theory

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

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**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 88- The Nesting Theory**

" **The Nesting Theory" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight hummed the theme.

"Whats the nesting theory?" Nora asked looking to Ren.

"The theory that kingdoms with democracies that have political and economic alliances with other kingdoms will seek absolute instead of relative gains as there economic health is nested with other kingdoms democracies in transitional alliances." Ren explained.

"...Did anyone understand that?" Ruby asked. "Or is it just me?" She added blushing.

"Nope." Nora replied.

"Surprisingly no." Weiss added.

"I'm sorry Ren." Pyrrha sighed.

Ren just shrugged and motioned for Jaune to play.

**Fade in to Grif and Simmons looking straight down**

**Grif: "Yep, that's a hole alright."**

**Simmons: "That's what I told you!"**

**Grif: "Huh. And Sarge's body is gone."**

"Are they not going to show us the hole?" Nora asked.

"Well maybe they can't, it's been established that they are not professionals or the makers of the game because of the evidence with the ship. The ship wasn't in the game and it was no professionally animated." Ren explained.

"That explanation made sense." Jaune chuckled.

"Yeah the last one sounded almost like a word for word definition from the CCT net." Yang laughed.

**Simmons: "Right. I think it fell through that hole in to the cavern."**

**Grif: "Maybe he just disappeared. Dead things do that when you bury 'em. That's part of the circle of life you know. It's a miracle when you think about it. No reason to go randomly exploring caves which may or may not contain hundreds of evil bats, that would just be interfering with God's divine plan."**

"Hmm religion may have prophecies." Ren mumbled.

"Bats are cute why is he scared of them?" Blake asked.

"How can bats possibly be cute?" Yang asked.

"Have an open mind." Blake smirked.

"W- what!? I have the most open mind here! You all are a bunch of prudes." Yang crossed her arms.

"I'm happy to be a prude compared to you." Weiss laughed.

**Simmons: "Okay, A, Sarge wasn't dead; B, decomposing takes months, not minutes; C, his armour would still be here; and D, shut up, you're going down there. Now."**

"Simmons has really taken charge." Pyrrha commented.

**Grif: "Why? What do we really need Sarge for anyway? All he ever did was yell at us a bunch and tell us we suck, we'll just split up his duties. You yell at me and I'll tell you you suck."**

**Simmons: "Shut up and get in the hole Grif!"**

**Grif: "You suck Simmons. Hoho man, this new system's already workin' out great! We should have thought of this** _ **years**_ **ago."**

"I sort of see what Church was talking about with Grif being crafty." Blake mumbled.

Ren nodded.

**Simmons: "Grif, don't you understand that because we lost Sister, we're horribly outnumbered. We already lost Donut and Sarge, now it's four on two. The Blues are probably gearing up for an enormous attack** _**right now** _ **."**

"I doubt it." Weiss commented.

**Simmons: "At any moment they're gonna come over that hill, guns blazing yelling 'CHAAAARGE!"**

**Cut to the battleground that suddenly surrounds the Blues as Tex ruthlessly shoots at them. An explosion sounds off.**

**Church pops into frame.**

**Church: "RETREAT!"**

Everyone's eyes widened.

**Tucker: "Aaaaaaahhhh!"**

Everyone burst out laughing.

"Why is Tex shooting at them?!" Ruby asked.

"I don't know but I like it." Yang laughed.

"She's gone crazy! I love it!" Nora added.

"I hope she doesn't kill one of them." Pyrra commented.

"I hope she does." Weiss laughed.

"I hope she kills Tucker." Blake added.

**Caboose: *unintelligible mumbles of Panic***

**Sister: "Who is that?"**

**Tucker: "That's Tex."**

**Sister: "Whoah, he's a badass."**

"She is." Yang grinned.

**Caboose: "(hit) Ow."**

Pyrrha gasped, "oh he's fine." Pyrrha sighed in relief. "I don't want my favorite character dying."

"He shrugged off that bullet like it was nothing." Jaune pointed out.

"He has body armor on." Ruby pointed out.

Jaune just shrugged.

**Sister: "He's kinda hot."**

"She is." Yang laughed. "I really want to see what she looks like without her armor."

Ruby groaned.

**The Blues take cover behind their base**

**Tucker: "Tex isn't a guy, she's a girl."**

**Sister: "Oh, sorry.** _ **She's**_ **a badass. She's kinda hot!"**

Yang laughed, "I love sister!"

"Yeah no wonder you love your dirtier equivalent." Weiss grumbled.

"Woah woah, equivalent? I'm not that dumb." Yang growled.

"Your pervert equivalent." Weiss corrected herself.

**Tucker: "She's actually Church's ex-girlfriend."**

**Sister: "Oh yeah? Why aren't you guys dating any more?"**

**Church: "Are you seriously asking that question right now?"**

"It's always fun having conversations while fighting Grimm." Ruby commented.

"It's like taunting them." Yang laughed.

"Some of us need to focus." Weiss frowned.

"Some of us suck." Jaune sighed.

**Caboose: "Last time I was shot, I got a Purple Heart Yeah uh I hope this time, I get a Purple Lung. You see eventually I, I hope to build an entire purple person. And we will be best friends."**

"I don't understand that joke at all, can someone explain it?" Ruby asked.

"It's a reference to something we don't get, I have no idea what a purple heart is." Yang sighed.

"It's likely a medical device or prosthetic organ. He said last time he was shot he got one so he probably got shot in the heart. Medical technology there must be incredible. In the show or the game or the universe where the show was made." Ren explained.

Weiss grumbled to herself a but over the other universe comment but kept it to herself.

**Tucker: "Maybe you should ask for a Purple Brain."**

**Caboose: "You're just jealous, 'cause you have no friends."**

"Ohh burn." Yang commented.

**Tucker: "Why is she shooting at us?"**

**Church: "How do** _ **I**_ **know? And why are you acting like this is unusual?"**

Yang and Weiss laughed.

**Tucker: "Well, go out there and tell her to stop."**

**Church: "Yeah, I'll get right on that."**

**Sister: "Uh, aren't you like, the leader or something?"**

"Now officially the leader too." Weiss commented.

**Church: "Uh- yes Sister, I am the leader, which is why I am officially appointing you, our Field Negotiator."**

Weiss and Blake laughed.

"He's going to use her as bait." Yang laughed.

"Canon fodder." Ren smirked.

**Sister: "Awesome!"**

**Church: "Yes, congratulations we're all very proud of you. Your first job is to get Tex to stop firing at us."**

**Sister: "Cool."**

**Sister stands up in the line of fire**

"You all know the saying 'Brave or Stupid?' This is definitely stupid." Blake commented.

**Sister: "Hey, Tex! Stop shooting you stupid** _**bitch!"** _

"I have to agree with you Blake." Jaune commented.

**Tucker: "Nice negotiating."**

**Church: "She's not firing. I think that actually worked. Maybe she's outta ammo. Let me check."**

**Church stands up and is immediately shot in the head, leaving a standing ghost and ugly body behind**

"Oh so if a ghost kills a ghost nothing happens." Nora gasped.

"What?" Jaune asked.

Ren perked up, "She's talking about a one off joke where Tex threatened Church. But actually I think this is just a host killing a host. So Church is fine." Ren explained.

**Church: "Nope, she still has ammo."**

**Tucker: "** _**Nice recon work."** _

**Church: "I'm gonna go get my body back."**

**Tucker: "Yeah, good idea."**

**Cut to the inside of the cavern, as Grif falls screaming to the ground and lands on the front of his face.**

**Grif: "ahhhhhhhhhhh Oogf!"**

**Simmons: "(landing gracefully behind him) Tada!"**

"Good landing strategy." Pyrrha commented.

"I still hate that Ozpin did that." Jaune sighed.

"You went in with no aura, if Pyrrha hadn't saved you you would have fallen to your death." Blake commented.

Jaune groaned, "Maybe I could have came back as a ghost then, and haunted you or possessed object like a teddy bear." Jaune joked.

"What?" Blake asked.

Jaune waved her off, "Never mind I referenced a story I read a while ago."

**Grif: "(standing up) Ugh, you didn't have to push."**

**Simmons: "Yeah I didn't** _ **have**_ **to, but it sure was fun. I got a cool screenshot from my visor of you flailing too. Guess who has a new desktop wallpaper... This guy!"**

"I wish I had a video of Jaune when he got launched." Yang sighed.

"Me too." Pyrrha sighed with Yang.

"W- Hey!" Jaune yelled at Pyrrha.

"Sorry." Pyrrha said trying to hold back a grin.

**Back to the Blues courageously hiding behind their base**

**Church: "Hey Tucker, is my body on straight?"**

**Tucker: "Dude I don't even know what that means."**

"Ohh, I wonder if he can possess it backward?" Nora wondered.

**Tex: "Freeze! Nobody move."**

**Tucker: "We're already not moving. You could have just said everyone keep doing what you're not doing."**

**Tex: "Shut up!"**

"Oh she's attacking them because she doesn't know where O'Malley is...and she's really mad." Jaune explained.

"That makes some sense." Ren nodded.

**Tucker: "Whatever."**

**Church: "Tex, what is your problem?"**

**Tex: "My problem is that O'Malley isn't in Doc any more. He's jumped in to somebody new, and I'm not trustin' anybody, until I find out who."**

**Church: "Yeah, we already know all that. We're on top of the situation."**

"Are they?" Weiss asked sarcastically.

**Tex: "You are? Then who did O'Malley jump in to?"**

**Church: "Oh. Yeah I meant, I meant we were on top of everything right up un** _ **til**_ **that point."**

"Nope." Blake answered Weiss's question.

**Tex: "Typical."**

**Sister: "Who's O'Malley?"**

**Tucker: "Eah, it's just some computer program that wants to destroy the Universe. He infects people around here from time to time, but neh, it's no big deal."**

**Sister: "Sounds scary."**

**Tucker: "Naw, it's all good baby, I'll protect you."**

Yang shook her head and sighed.

 **Sister: "Hyeah, that's what the** _ **last**_ **guy said, and now I can't stop scratchin'."**

Yang laughed.

"Gross." Ruby groaned.

"Agreed." Weiss and Pyrrha sighed.

Yang mischievously grinned "What do you all think it is? Crabs, Chlamydia or-"

"Crabs, now stop!" Ruby yelled, "Gross." Ruby shook her head.

**Tucker: "Okay, never mind."**

Yang laughed, "At least he's not that desperate."

"I don't think any guy is." Blake frowned.

Yang laughed, "There are plenty of disgusting guys out there, and girls. I'm sure at least one of them even likes that stuff specifically."

Jaune gagged, "No way that's true hmpf!" Jaune threw up in his mouth but swallowed it. "Gross."

Yang laughed even more.

**Church: "None of us are infected Tex, but I am a little worried about the tank. She's been actin' really weird lately. Can an A.I. implant in a ...(Tex stares at sister) Tex?"**

**Tex: "Who's the girl?"**

"I knew it!" Yang laughed.

**Church: "What? Who Sister? Oh she's just a new recruit."**

**Tex: "You mean to tell me I'm only gone a** _**few weeks** _ **, and you guys get yourselves a new girl?"**

Yang laughed even harder, along with Blake.

**Church: "Oh. Um..."**

**Tucker: "Whoa. Tread lightly dude, tread lightly."**

**Caboose: "You know, I wasn't actually scared, until right, just, now"**

**The screen faded to black.**

Pyrrha giggled, "I love Caboose's lines."

"Next one!" Nora ordered.

* * *

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	89. S5E88 Spelunked

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

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**Chapter 89- Spelunked**

" **Spelunked" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

"Whats Spelunked?" Nora asked.

"Spelunking, it's exploring caves." Ren answered.

Jaune and Pyrrha chuckled, remembering the time they explored a cave.

**Fade in to Sarge in the cavern**

**Sarge: "Yeaow, what in the..."**

"Wow the cavern is really big." Jaune commented.

"It's like Mountain Glenn." Ruby added.

**Sarge: "stupid Grif and Simmons. Can't even build a regulation grave! What did we run all those drills for? So, this is the afterlife, huh?"**

Ren got out his notebook.

 **Sarge: "Heh. Not too impressive if you ask me. This place is a wreck! Who's in charge here, anyway? Need to get me a couple o' Marine Angels, get this place spic 'n' span in** _ **no**_ **time. You know now that I think about it, I don't seem to remember much about underground caves in the Bible."**

"So the bible is their book." Ren mumbled.

 **Sarge: "Not even that** _ **new**_ **Bible they rewrote in twenty-forty."**

"2040, new bible." Ren mumbled.

"Why would they need a new book?" Pyrrha asked.

"When peoples opinions and laws change so does the religion, most of the time. Usually only if the people in power are using the religion to unite and keep order." Ren shrugged.

Pyrrha nodded.

**Sarge: "with that big chase scene and that weird cameo by Ben Stiller. That guy's a nut."**

Ren sighed, "Actually I think the rewritten bible was a joke."

**Sarge: "Wait a minute afterlife!? Underground cave!? What if this isn't Heaven! What if it's... noh, it couldn't be. Could it?"**

"Heaven and Hell." Ren mumbled, "So they believe that Hell is underground. Probably if you do what the religion doesn't like you go to hell and if you do what the religion does like you go to heaven."

"You sound so cynical." Weiss commented.

Ren just shrugged, "Just using what I know."

**Donut: "Oh hey Sarge. What're you doin' down here?"**

**Sarge: "** _ **It is!**_ **Oh, it is."**

Yang, Weiss, and Blake laughed.

"If he really thought it was Hell it would be Grif and not Donut." Jaune laughed.

"Unless he likes tormenting Grif." Blake pointed out.

**Cut to Caboose, Tucker and Church watching Tex and Sister from afar**

**Church: "Oh man, this is not gonna work out well for us."**

**Tucker: "Dude, are you kidding? We finally have two girls on our team. You know what that means."**

"What does it mean?" Ruby asked.

"He's thinking about a threesome." Yang answered.

"Oh, doesn't Tex hates her?" Ruby said confused.

"Not to mention Tucker." Weiss laughed.

**Caboose: "Yeah. Co-ed softball team! I'm gonna go get my baseball racket."**

Pyrrha laughed, "I love Caboose's innocence."

**Church: "Tucker, I know what you're thinking, and it's not gonna happen."**

**Tucker: "Oh why not."**

**Church: "Because girls can't share anything. Not even an apartment. Every time girls live together, within six months, they all hate each other, and somebody gets stuck with a twelve hundred dollar phone bill. That's fact."**

Yang started laughing.

"That's not true at all." Weiss commented.

"We don't hate each other." Ruby added.

Yang nodded, "He's talking about certain kinds of girls."

"What kind?" Jaune asked.

"Bitches." Yang answered.

Blake and Yang proceeded to laugh.

**Tucker: "Ah, let them fight. As long as we get to watch them making up who cares? We can even record it and sell copies to the Reds."**

"Just because two people hate each other it doesn't mean they're going to end up together." Blake commented.

"What?" Pyrrha asked.

Blake held up a hand, "Sorry never mind I'm just thinking about some fans of a tv series I like, as soon as two people hate each other they start making up ship names for them...well actually it doesn't even matter if they hate each other. If two characters exist even if it's disgusting they're shipped."

**Back to the cavern**

**Sarge: "Noooooo. Moooan."**

**Donut: "It's been** _ **crazy**_ **down here Sarge."**

**Sarge: "Noooo."**

**Donut: "You wouldn't believe all the stuff I found."**

"It looks bigger than Mountain Glenn." Ruby commented.

**Sarge: "Sorrowful sounds. Pleas for forgiveness."**

"He really thinks he's in the afterlife doesn't he." Blake commented.

**Donut: "Sarge, keep it down."**

**Sarge: "I have sinned."**

**Donut: "We don't want them to hear you."**

**Sarge: "Donut. Don't interrupt my repentful moaning. If I want God to forgive me, I need to be as miserable as possible. He loves that stuff."**

Ren started writing in his notes.

**Donut: "This isn't Hell, Sarge! And you're not dead."**

**Sarge: "Repent! Repent!"**

**Donut: "Come on Sarge, be quiet. I've been exploring down here and I've found some** _ **really crazy stuff.**_ **Look!"**

**The screen cuts to show a big fortress with a blue flag and a Wraith in front of it.**

"That vehicle looks alien." Ren commented.

"And look is that a blue flag?" Jaune asked.

**Sarge: "Why that fort looks like a Blue Base. And just when I thought Hell couldn't get any worse."**

**Donut: "Yeah, but look at** _**that** _ **."**

**Sarge: "What in the Hell is** _ **that**_ **thing?"**

 **Donut: "I don't know, but it sure** _ **looks**_ **a lot like the motorcycle I found in the cave upstairs."**

"That confirms it." Ren commented.

**Sarge: "Donut why didn't you report this?"**

**Donut: "** _ **I couldn't!**_ **My radio broke when I fell."**

"That explains that." Jaune commented.

**Queue radio sounds**

**Simmons: "Come in Sarge, are you there?"**

**Sarge: "Hello, is that you Simmons?"**

**Donut: "No, I'm Dooonut. Did you get amnesia from your fall or something?"**

"Idiot." Weiss chuckled.

**Sarge: "Shut up, Donut."**

**Donut: "Uh, okay?"**

**Cut to show Grif and Simmons down in the cavern**

**Simmons: "Sarge, we're down in the cave with you. Are you okay? Please tell me you're okay."**

"Even with armor on, without aura that fall should have killed them." Blake commented.

"That armor looks pretty advanced, it has to be strong." Ruby explained.

**Sarge: "Fine. What's your location?"**

**Donut: "I'm standing right here, next to you."**

"Miss communication." Pyrrha sighed, "Horrible team dynamics."

**Sarge: "Shut up!"**

**Simmons: "We're looking for you right now, this place is huge! Grif is with me and we're up on top of some kind of peninsular outcropping."**

**Sarge: "Euh, you're on top o' Grif's what?"**

Yang started laughing.

**Donut: "Grif isn't anywhere around here."**

**Sarge: "Donut, I told you to be quiet!"**

**Donut: "Well stop asking me stuff then."**

**Simmons: "No, we're on a peninsular ledge trying to find you."**

**Sarge: "Roger that, I've got Donut. You sit tight and we'll find you."**

"I wonder why there's a cavern and why there's alien stuff down there." Jaune mumbled.

"Maybe the bases were originally Alien? Or its...I don't know I don't have enough evidence to make a hypothesis." Ren sighed.

**Simmons: "Roger that. Simmons out."**

**Grif: "Dude, what was all that stuff about your penis ruler?"**

Yang laughed again.

"So immature." Weiss sighed.

**Sarge: "I just talked to Simmons on the radio."**

**Donut: "Ooohohoh, the** _**radio** _ **."**

"Dumbass." Weiss mumbled so no one could hear.

**Sarge: "I told him to hold still, we'll come to them."**

**Donut: "Sarge, I don't think you realize just how** _ **big**_ **this place is. There's no landmarks or** _ **anything**_ **, just one rock after another that all look the same. Finding them will be like finding a needle in a haystack."**

**Sarge: "He said they were standing on some kind of a, penis nu-"**

**Donut: "Oh! I know where** _ **that**_ **is. Let's go"**

**The screen faded to black.**

Yang laughed again.

"That episode was really short." Ruby groaned.

"Next one!" Nora ordered again.

* * *

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	90. S5E89 The Haystack

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

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**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

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**Chapter 90- The Haystack**

" **The Haystack" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight hummed the theme.

**Fade in to Grif and Simmons in the underground lair, muahahaha... sorry**

**Grif: "I heard something that time."**

**Simmons: "You** _ **didn't hear**_ **anything."**

**Grif: "There, did you hear that?"**

**Water sounds**

"Sounds like water." Blake mumbled.

"Wow really?" Yang asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Yes." Blake said glaring at Yang.

**Simmons: "Yes, I heard water dripping."**

**Grif: "Sounds like bats!"**

**Simmons: "Bats, aren't made of liquid. Bats don't drip."**

**Grif: "Bat-water!"**

Yang started chuckling, "Grif is almost as stubborn as Ruby was when she was a kid."

Ruby blushed and glared at Yang, "I was six! Every six year old is scared of monsters in the closet."

Jaune nodded but didn't speak.

Yang laughed, "No matter what I said to try to explain to her she just came up with more theories, eventually I had to read her fairy tales to finally stop her from being scared."

Ruby laughed, "it wasn't just you, I really got over it when dad told me you were afraid t-"

Yang growled "I TOLD HIM TO NEVER TELL-" Yang let out a long sigh, "Fine, just fine I'm going to have a talk with dad as soon as the season is over."

**Simmons: "There are no bats!"**

**Grif: "You don't know, what if you're wrong?"**

**Simmons: "Okay, idiot, let's assume I'm wrong. Let's assume there** _ **are**_ **bats. So what? You're wearing state of the art, biomechanical body-armour. It's designed to deflect bullets, and absorb explosions."**

Ruby cooed, "wow!"

**Simmons: "What can a five ounce flying rodent possibly do?"**

"Exactly what I was thinking." Weiss chuckled.

**Grif: "...So basically you're saying that you think there's bats."**

**Simmons: "Sure, why not."**

**Grif: "I'm getting the fuck outta here."**

Yang sighed as she got over her past anger and chuckled.

**Simmons: "No you're not Grif, we're standing right here. I told Sarge we wouldn't move, and** _**we're not moving."** _

**Grif: "At least let's go stand by the light."**

"I like that Grif is trying to compromise." Pyrrha commented.

**Simmons: "No, that would be moving, and thus would violate our strict !no moving' policy."**

**Grif: "But the light-"**

**Simmons: "No."**

**Grif: "-would help us see the bats!"**

**Simmons: "NO."**

**Grif: "And their fangs!"**

**Simmons: "NO!"**

Yang chuckled.

**Grif: "Hey, you know what else might be in the cave, Simmons? Snakes."**

Ren and Jaune chuckled.

"So Simmons is afraid of snakes." Ren mumbled.

**Simmons: "You're an asshole Grif, why would you bring up snakes?"**

"Smart move on Grif's part." Blake commented

 **Grif: "I'm just saying. I know you don't like Snakes, and snakes do live in caves, and we are** _ **in**_ **a cave, and snakes like to crawl right up next to people** _ **in**_ **caves, and then they-"**

**Simmons: "Alright, screw it, I'm gonna go stand by the light."**

"They clearly know each other well." Pyrrha smiled, "I know the two don't seem like it but I think they're great friends."

**Cut to Blue Base, then to Doc approaching**

**Doc: "Okay, I talked to Sheila, you guys were right: she definitely seems a little odd."**

Everyone leaned forward.

**Church: "Yup, so whaddaya think?"**

**Doc: "I, think she seems like there's something wrong."**

"His powers of deduction are incredible." Blake said sarcastically.

**Church: "That's your diagnosis? That's why we sent you down there, man. Because we knew something was wrong."**

**Doc: "I'm a medic, what do you want from me?"**

"To do your job." Weiss laughed.

"He did though, he help Tucker deliver his baby." Nora pointed out.

**Church: "How about fixing her?"**

**Doc: "Well surprisingly my medical training didn't cover internal combustion."**

Ruby chuckled.

**Church: "What a shitty medical school."**

**Tucker: "Yeah where'd you go, the University of Jamaica?"**

"Hmm not enough evidence to determine whether it's a state or not." Ren sighed.

**Doc: "Oh please, I wouldn't be caught dead on that campus. I went to Jamaica State! Who's Jamaica State's Fighting Irish."**

"Another state." Ren grinned.

"Irish? Isn't Simmons dutch Irish." Jaune asked.

Ren nodded, "That's right, maybe Doc is Irish or dutch Irish too."

**Church: "That's Notre Dame."**

**Doc: "Well since we're international, we don't really have to adhere to the stringent U.S. copyright laws. So-"**

"U.S" Ren mumbled writing in his notes.

**Church: "Never mind. Just go back down there, and see if you can reboot Sheila."**

**Doc: "Reboot her?"**

**Tucker: "Yeah dude, that's how you fix broken stuff. You turn her off, and then you turn her back on again. She'll be fine."**

"It always works." Yang commented.

"Not always." Jaune sighed.

**Doc: "I don't think that'll work."**

**Church: "Uh, pardon me, it works great. We already rebooted the toaster, we rebooted the teleporter..."**

"Yeah that didn't work." Jaune laughed.

**Tucker: "Yeah, I still don't know if that thing has all the bugs worked out."**

**Church: "We even rebooted Caboose's armour once. Although, that took a lot longer to come back online than we thought it would."**

**Caboose: "It was dark and I got to hold my breath. I'm pretty sure there was no side-effects."**

Pyrrha gasped, "Is that why he became so- so less- so stupid?"

"Lack of oxygen to the brain can cause brain damage, and Caboose was definitely smarter when we first saw him and became less intelligent over time." Ren explained.

"That's terrible." Weiss shook her head.

"Wow." Ruby mumbled looking down.

Pyrrha sighed, "Now I feel even worse for Caboose."

**Doc: "No, I mean I don't think it'll work because I'm not going back down there. She's not exactly in the best of moods."**

**As if on cue, Sheila fires a shell up in the general direction of the gathering**

**Doc: "See?"**

"I think she's just mad that Church got other cars." Yang commented.

"I think she's just malfunctioning, even though we've found out the time travel didn't actually happen she can still malfunction." Jaune explained.

Ren sighed, they were figuring out Sheila was likely not infected with O'Malley.

**Church: "Yeah, we need to get someone sneaky down there who can turn her off."**

"Tex." Yang commented.

"I don't know, she was not very sneaky with the fanatics." Blake pointed out.

"I think she was just showing off." Weiss commented.

**Doc: "How 'bout Tucker?"**

**Tucker: "Who me? No way! I'm a lover, not a sneaker."**

**Doc: "Oh, that's your response to everything."**

**Tucker: "What can I tell you? I'm a lover, not a thinker. ...How 'bout Tex?"**

"Definitely not a thinker." Weiss laughed.

 **Church: "Yeah we couldn't af** _ **ford**_ **it. If only we knew someone that Sheila trusted. And it would have to be someone kinda dumb, so that we could fool them in to betraying that trust, for our purposes..."**

**Church and Tucker both look back at Caboose.**

Pyrrha sighed, "Caboose is too sweet to understand they're using him."

**Caboose: "Hey... everyone is looking at me. ...I love when they do that- Hi everybody!"**

Pyrrha chuckled.

**Cut back to the vast underground lair, and two bodies lying motionless on the ground**

**Donut: "See? And these are the two bodies I was telling you about. At first I thought they were sleeping, but then I realised they were** _**dead."** _

"Tex and Church's bodies." Jaune commented.

Ren leaned forward, "Wonder what happened to Captain Flower's bones, Tucker has his armor but his body has to be somewhere."

Nora gasped, "Maybe something ate it!"

Ren's eyes widened, "Great guess that makes sense!"

"W- wait it does? It does!" Nora cheered.

**Sarge: "Blues never sleep, they're too busy plotting to destroy our way of life! That's how you can always spot a Blue, Donut. They're always the ones conniving and scheming. Sometimes they do both! I call that scheniving."**

"The way he talks about the blues suspiciously sounds like propaganda." Blake commented.

Ren nodded, "Sounds right."

**Donut: "And you know what else? You can also tell they're blue because their blue armour."**

**Sarge: "Yeah that too. You know at first I thought this cave was pretty dismal, but it's amazing how a couple o' Blue corpses can really spruce up the place, make it feel like home."**

Blake shook her head.

**Donut: "Yeah, we could hang a couple o' drapes, get some wicker chairs, oh, this place will be fan** _**tastic** _ **."**

**The camera angle changes to what you may see if some shifty guy were looking at them from behind a rock, which Sarge turns toward, and then the camera ducks behind the rock entirely.**

Blake and Ren leaned forward.

"Not the best place to spy on someone." Blake sighed, "there were plenty of rocks behind them." Blake commented.

**Donut: "Everything okay Sarge?"**

**Sarge: "What? Oh yeah. It's just that I can't shake this feeling. The feeling that we're beinnnggg** _ **watched- ha, got ya!**_ **D'aw, son of a-"**

**Sarge turns around.**

"Guess they're smart enough to not try again." Blake commented.

**Donut: "Um, that was pretty dramatic."**

**Sarge: "Yeah, it usually works better if someone is standing there when I do that. ...Kind of like** _ **now-(**_ **turns around)** _**dammit**_ **. I'm normally not wrong about this kind of** _ **thing, hello- durka dur**_ **."**

"Thats not going to work." Blake sighed.

**Donut: "Oh, do you have a good sixth sense?"**

**Sarge: "No, stupid, motion-activated proximity radar. It's standard issue. I guess I need to get mine calibrated. Hey, what the heck is that thing?"**

"Ohhh the armor has radar too!" Ruby gasped.

Yang shook her head and smiled.

**Cut to Simmons and Grif once more.**

**Simmons: "Sarge should be able to see us here, right?"**

**Grif: "Yeah, who." (A needler shot goes by Grif's face)**

"Woah what was that?" Nora asked.

"Looked like a bullet." Ruby frowned.

"But sounded like a dart." Blake frowned.

**Grif: "cares. Hey Simmons I was thinking, if we're in a cave, why are there lights down here?"**

"Good point, and why is there alien vehicles and a fortress with blue flags on it?" Ren asked.

**Simmons: "That's a pretty good point (Deep slowed voice)Grif..."**

"Knockout dart." Blake gasped.

**Grif: "What the- are you okay?"**

**Simmons has been shot with a glowing purple dart in the neck.**

"Definitely Alien." Ren leaned forward.

**Simmons: "(deep voice)Yeah, why do you ask?"**

Blake frowned, "knockout darts slow peoples voices but they don't get deeper."

**Cut to Simmons POV looking at Grif while the screen is all wonky.**

**Grif: "Huh, you got a pink thing on you."**

"Hmm." Blake hummed leaning forward.

**Simmons: "Wha? Like a snake? Damn it all..."**

**Simmons collapses**

Jaune laughed, "It's like when Donut had the grenade thrown on him."

"Blue spiders!" Nora grinned holding up her finely crafted grenade. "Thanks again Ruby."

"No problem they're awesome!" Ruby grinned.

**Grif: "Simmons? Simmons? ...Huh?"**

**Grif gets shot with a dart in the neck**

**Grif: "Ow."**

"No reaction?" Blake mumbled.

**Nine more to various parts of his body**

**Grif: "** _**OW!"** _

"He should be collapsing from shock!" Blake gasped.

**One more to his crotch for good measure**

Yang and Jaune burst out laughing.

**Grif: "(Slowed down and deep) Oh hey look, bat people. Please don't eat me bat people"**

**The screen fades to black.**

"I think Nora may be right, something must have eaten Captain Flowers body, likely whatever knocked them out." Ren mumbled.

"I think it's more aliens, the alien vehicle the blue base it all adds up." Jaune explained.

"But didn't Andy say the alien thought humans were too gross to eat?" Weiss asked.

"Maybe the aliens are trapped down there?" Jaune suggested.

Ren nodded, "This is all just theories now but that could be it, I think the aliens made the bases. Maybe even made the big ring they're all on."

Jaune nodded. "So...new guesses?"

Everyone nodded.

**Ruby- Whatever Ren says**

**Weiss- The creature that knocked out Grif and Simmons**

**Blake- An Alien**

**Yang- Aliens**

**Jaune- The alien in the cave**

**Nora- ALIEN MONSTERS!**

**Pyrrha- An Alien**

**Ren- Whatever shot Grif and Simmons.**

Ruby grinned at her "Clever" idea. "Next episode?" She asked.


	91. S5E90 Terms and Provisions

**Author's Note:**

**Rant: Why do some fanfiction writers always put the pairing in their summary? It's a damn spoiler and makes me not want to read it at all. It's like if I put "Yang kills Ruby in chapter 4, TRIGGER WARNING" or something else stupid like that. So with that in mind I have a question.**

**Question: what is something other authors do that you do not like? Because I do not want to make their mistakes. Feel free to rant in the reviews if you take the time out of your day to read my authors notes I will read your rants.**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls.**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 91- Terms and Provisions**

"I don't know why but the Fantasies sounds weird to me now." Jaune commented.

"What?" Ruby asked raising an eyebrow. "The fantasies sounds awesome, The Grimm Reaper!" Ruby said with flare while flashing her hands.

Jaune shrugged, "Your name sounds fine but the Team name? Are we sure we can't think of anything better?"

"Hmmm" Ren hummed.

Everyone thought for a second.

"What about The Fables?" Pyrrha suggested nervously.

Jaune snapped, "That's perfect!"

"A lot better than the fantasies." Yang laughed, "It did sound slightly sexual."

Ruby and Weiss groaned louder than everyone else.

"Yang...just- why?" Weiss asked. "Why are you like this? Why can't you stay clean for just one episode."

"I have been staying clean! And the episode hasn't even started yet." Yang grumbled.

Jaune perked up, "Oh right!" Jaune hit play.

" **Terms and Provisions" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

"What episode number are we on?" Nora asked.

"Season 5 episode 90" Ren answered, "But we've watched roughly 95 episodes counting the really short mini series Out of Mind episodes."

"So ten episodes away from 100! I wonder if they'll do anything cool. Something cool always happens for the one hundredth." Nora grinned.

Jaune nodded, "Yeah that makes sense, well we'll find out soon." Jaune shrugged.

**Fade in to Church, Tucker, Caboose and Doc looking down on Sheila on one side, and Tex and Sister on the other**

**Church: "Well, I suppose I should figure out a way to get Tex to reboot Sheila. Man, I'm gonna have to call in a lot of favours for this one."**

"Last time they needed her to do something they called in a favor." Jaune commented.

"Yeah, I wonder if Tex is ever going to call in her Favor with Red team." Blake added.

**Tucker: "What favours could you possibly have stored up with someone who dumped you?"**

**Church: "She didn't dump me Tucker, it was mutual."**

"It's never mutual." Blake sighed.

"Actually I've had mutual break ups before." Yang shrugged.

Blake look at Yang skeptically, "I don't believe you."

Yang chuckled, "Maybe you've just never had healthy and stable relationships."

"How can you have a healthy and stable relationship if you had a Mutual Breakup." Blake asked making air quotes.

"We both knew things weren't going to working out so we both decided to end it." Yang explained.

Blake glared at Yang, "I still don't believe you, every break up his hard and-"

"I never said it wasn't hard or didn't hurt." Yang cut in. "Just because it's mutual doesn't mean we both went on our merry way. It's just that we both weren't angry with each other and neither wanted the other back." Yang explained.

Blake continued to look at Yang skeptically.

Yang let out a long sigh, "Guess its hard to understand if you've never had a mutual breakup."

Weiss sighed, "While I do enjoy Yang talking about something serious for once can we get on with the episode?"

Jaune nodded while Ruby smirked. _Weiss has come a long way from hating the show._ Ruby thought glancing at Blake, _Blake too._

**Tucker: "Mutual in what way, mutual in the sense that you were both single the moment after she dumped you?"**

"See that makes more sense." Blake commented.

Yang shook her head, "I really hope they didn't see it that way."

Ruby put a hand on Yang's shoulder, "I'm sure they're fine."

"Thanks." Yang smiled.

**Church: "Yeah, that way. Come on Caboose, let's go explain the plan to Tex. Wish us luck."**

**Tucker: "Yeah right. Hey when she kills you I'm gonna sell your armor to that pink guy on the Red team. I hear he's in the market."**

Jaune chuckled.

**Doc: "Hey who's the yellow soldier?"**

**Tucker: "That's just Sister, she's new."**

**Doc: "No-one told me about a new arrival. I'm supposed to examine everyone before they assume active duty."**

"It's good that Doc still cares about his job." Pyrrha commented.

**Tucker: "Don't sweat it, I already checked her out for you. Diagnosis: F.I.N.E. ...That spells fine."**

Yang groaned, "If I had a lien for every time a guy tried pulling the doctor move I would be rich."

Blake shook her head, "Did they ever come up to you with that stupid acronym they all think is clever."

Yang cringed, "Ugh, the Vale Pussy Doctor."

Everyone cringed.

Ruby groaned when she got it, "Oh no the V.P.D"

**Doc: "Thanks. But I think a trained medical professional should be the one to-"**

**Tucker: "I'm a doctor - a doctor of love. PhD. Certified Loooveology, General Harasstitioner. Sexicologist."**

Yang and Blake groaned.

"People are too afraid to cat call me." Pyrrha sighed.

Weiss nodded, "I'm happy that they are, because if someone came up to me with a fake V.P.D card I w-"

Weiss was interrupted by Yang's laughter.

Weiss sighed, "And what is so funny?"

Ruby sighed, "Catcalling." Ruby turned to Blake, "I'm so sorry she's like this."

Yang burst out laughing, "Bla- Blake do you get catcalled a lot?" Yang snickered.

Blake glared at Yang, "Jaune hit play." She growled.

**Doc: "First of all, love is not an officially recognised medical specialty. And also, PhDs? Heh, not really doctors!"**

"PhD?" Ruby said confused. "Isn't Doctor Oobleck one of those or- whats a PhD."

Weiss sighed, "He didn't earn his PhD for fun, PhD's are real doctors as _Doctor_ Oobleck explained to me."

**Tucker: "Dude you're a dork."**

**Sister: "Hey!"**

**Tucker: "What's up Sis, what'd you and Tex talk about?"**

**Sister: "Oh, she was just talking about everyone here. How you're all idiots and jerks,"**

Everyone chuckled.

 **Sister: "and you guys are** _ **her**_ **idiots and jerks,"**

"That's sweet." Pyrrha smiled.

"It is." Nora added smiling.

**Sister: "and if I try to become more popular than her she would talk about me behind my back, and turn everyone against me, and then I would cry, and everyone would hate me...you know, girl stuff!"**

Ruby and Pyrrha looked at the screen confused, Weiss and Blake glared at the screen, Ren looked with indifference and Jaune, Yang, and Nora burst out laughing.

"So true!" Yang laughed, "I love this show, ugh I couldn't stand girls like that back at Signal."

Ruby silently gasped as she understood the joke, "Ugh I hated them too."

Jaune nodded, "They were awful."

Nora shrugged, "Women."

"...You made that joke before." Blake said looking at Nora.

Nora stood up, "No one laughed at it the first time so I thought I'd tell it again!"

"It was very funny Nora, the irony of you being a girl, your personality, and the way you said it made it funny." Ren explained quickly calming her down.

**Tucker: "Cool. Oh hey, speaking of girl stuff? This is Doc."**

**Sister: "Hi."**

"I like that she's friendly." Ruby smiled.

Yang snickered but stayed silent, content with waiting for Ruby's reaction when she saw how Sister was a little too friendly.

**Doc: "Uh, hello, nice to meet you I'm the medic, eh if it's alright with you, I need to give you a quick physical examination since you're new. Do you want to come to Base where you might feel more comfortable taking off all your clothes?"**

Yang couldn't hold it in and burst out laughing.

"That is very forward." Pyrrha commented frowning.

"Too forward." Weiss and Blake chorused.

**Sister: "Sure, lead the way. Seeya Tucker."**

Yang continued to laugh. "Wow I thought I would have to wait longer." Yang mumbled to herself when she saw Ruby's horrified face.

"She's easy." Blake commented.

"Nothing wrong with that." Yang quickly interjected.

"You have to have some dignity." Weiss sighed.

Yang nodded, "I mean yeah, I'm not easy at all but there's nothing wrong with being easy."

"...except all the diseases she's going to get and has gotten, remember the joke about scratching?" Blake asked.

"...That's a good point." Yang sighed.

"A crank with armor will never harm her." Jaune pointed out.

Yang laughed, "Don't be in such a jiffy cover y-"

"Both of you stop! I'm highly disappointed in you Jaune." Weiss said sternly, "Once is enough, you already made those jokes."

"...Maybe, maybe he's just checking her over because he's a medic." Ruby said innocently.

"Yeah" Pyrrha said nervously in a way where everyone knew she didn't believe it herself.

Ruby sighed.

**Doc and Sister walk away.**

**Tucker: "...What the fuck just happened?"**

Yang laughed, "Oh this is too perfect."

**Cut to Donut standing over Simmons' lifeless-looking body**

**Donut: "Sarge, I found Simmons; he's over here, sleepin' on the job."**

**Simmons: "Donut, I'm not sleeping, I was drugged."**

"Knockout darts are not healthy, they're also very rare, hard to make and expensive which is why no one really used them." Blake commented thinking of the White Fang.

"Didn't really use them because it's easier to murder Schnee than take them alive." Weiss grumbled to herself so quietly that Blake didn't hear. She knew Blake had changed but the White Fang hadn't.

**Donut: "Sorry Sarge, he's not sleeping; he's doing drugs."**

"Don't do drugs kids." Yang ordered sternly.

"I know not to do drugs." Ruby smiled.

"With the amount of sugar Nora consumes she's practically an addict." Jaune commented.

Ren sighed, "I've already tried to break her addiction. All the horror stories you hear from actual rehab centers do not compare to the stuff Nora would pull."

Nora giggled innocently.

**Simmons: "Hh, shut up Donut, I'm not doing drugs, we were attacked. Oh they must have used some kind of tranquilizer on me and ...Grif? Hey where's Grif?"**

"Oh no they ate him! The Bat people ate him!" Nora gasped.

"I thought he said Bad people?" Weiss said confused.

"It was Bat people, it's tough to hear." Blake explained.

"Except for you with your superior Faunus ears, seriously I'm surprised there isn't a Faunus supremacist group." Yang commented.

Blake sighed, "It's only a matter of time before the White Fang members are misguided further and start believing what the leaders say."

Weiss nodded, "Some people will believe whatever flowery thing someone in power says." Weiss sighed thinking of her father.

"Going back to whether the Bat people ate Grif, I don't think they did. Or have yet it doesn't make sense for him to be killed off. He's probably tied up somewhere being prepared. If the bat people or aliens are going to eat him." Ren explained.

Jaune nodded, "The stuff down there looks alien so the Bat people was probably Grif hallucinating. It's probably more aliens."

**Donut: "Maybe he's out scoring you junkies some more** _**drugs** _ **."**

"He is really against drugs." Pyrrha commented.

"It's good to be against drugs." Ruby sighed thinking of Qrow.

**Simmons: "They must have taken him."**

**Sarge: "Who would take Grif? Garbage collectors?"**

Blake and Weiss burst out laughing.

**Simmons: "The people who ambushed us. We have to find him. Luckily I implanted a tracking chip in his armour. I wanted to be able to find him when it was time to work. I should be able to lock on to his signal in just a few seconds."**

"Smart." Weiss chuckled.

**Sarge: "A few seconds? That sounds entirely hopeless. Well, Grif, we'll miss ya. You were a good soldier. Using the broadest possible definition of 'good.' And 'soldier.'"**

Pyrrha frowned, "He is way too eager to give up on Grif."

**Simmons: "I've got his signal."**

**Sarge: "He's probably a million miles away by now!"**

Pyrrha sighed.

**Simmons: "Actually, he's only a tenth of a mile away."**

**Sarge: "But who knows what direction!?"**

**Simmons: "** _ **That**_ **direction."**

**Sarge: "Exactly. We did our best Simmons, now let's head back to Base and call for a replacement troop. Where's my shotgun?"**

Pyrrha perked up and grinned.

**Simmons: "I don't see it anywhere. I guess they took it when they took Grif."**

"It's weird seeing Sarge without his shotgun." Ruby commented. "The shotgun is a really important part of his look. Like Church with the sniper and Tex with the burst rifle."

**Sarge: "Eugh, what direction did you say?"**

**Simmons: "That way, Sir."**

**Sarge: "Come on, let's go."**

**Cut to Sheila approaching over a hill toward three Blues.**

"This is not going to be good." Jaune commented.

**Church: "So Caboose is gonna be up front talking to her, and then while he's got her distracted, you sneak around the back, access the panel, and shut her down."**

"Hopefully Tex can do it before Caboose gets hurt." Pyrrha said worried.

"If Caboose dies though he can be a ghost and haunt Church." Yang laughed.

Ren sighed, "I still need to know why Church and Tex are ghosts but not the others."

**Tex: "Okay, I'll do it."**

**Church: "Uh- wha- that's it? You will? No bargaining? No ridiculous demands?"**

**Tex: "No. I'm trying to find O'Malley and his friend. In a way, you guys are helping me. If** _ **anyone**_ **should be making demands it should be you."**

"O'Malley and his friend?" Ren mumbled.

"Who would his friend be?" Jaune asked.

"Bat people!" Nora gasped.

Ren nodded, "Nora you're amazing!"

"Yes!" Nora cheered surprised that Ren took her guess seriously.

Ren smirked, Nora just won the bet for him if she was right.

**Church: "Oh well in that case we wan-"**

**Tex: "Forget it, deal's done."**

Yang laughed, "Tex is still my favorite character."

"Mine is still Tucker, maybe he will learn not to have that false confidence that drives people away." Jaune sighed.

"Simmons is mine, only one with common sense." Weiss commented.

"Tex." Blake said.

"Sarge is awesome!" Nora shouted.

"Church, because he sounds like dad." Ruby smiled.

"Caboose." Pyrrha smiled.

"Simmons." Ren said.

**Church: "Dammit."**

**Caboose: "Hum, how should I distract Sheila?"**

**Church: "Just talk to her, keep her attention, that's it."**

"Should be easy, they probably shouldn't have told him he was distracting her. He loves Sheila he probably would have been happy to talk to her." Yang explained.

Pyrrha nodded, "That would work but even though they're still using Caboose as canon fodder I'm happy he knows his role and isn't being tricked."

**Caboose: "I don't know, uh... we kinda have a history? Ea, she may not want to talk to me."**

"What did he do that would make her mad at him?" Ruby asked.

"As far as I remember nothing." Pyrrha sighed.

"I don't think she held a grudge from when she got bombed, maybe the competition between him and Lopez?" Ren suggested.

"I can see that." Jaune nodded.

**Church: "So? Tex and I have a rough history, doesn't mean we can't be professional and hold a conversation."**

"Here we go." Yang laughed.

**Tex: "I wouldn't exactly call them conversations."**

**Church: "Hoh, get off my back woman, can't you see I'm working here?"**

Blake cringed, "Oooh never use Woman as an insult like that it only pisses them off more."

 **Tex: "Please, you call** _ **this**_ **working?"**

"Like an old married couple." Yang joked.

Weiss sighed, her parents had arguments like this.

**Caboose: "See, e- this is exactly what could happen with me and Sheila. Only with more getting shot by tanks."**

Pyrrha laughed.

**Church: "Caboose, if that happened, I'm sure the shell would just bounce off you and land on me somehow."**

Everyone burst out laughing or chuckled.

"I shouldn't be worried Church is right." Pyrrha laughed.

**Church: "Just smooth-talk her."**

**Caboose: "I don't know how to do that."**

**Church: "Just tell her she's pretty, or that she's got that new-tank smell or something. Compliment her treads, it doesn't matter."**

"She mentioned something before about people looking at her treads." Blake commented

"Yeah she made it sound like treads are her version of ass or boobs so she will definitely not like that." Yang laughed.

**Caboose: "I don't know..."**

**Church: "It's easy. Look here, just practice on Tex, she's -woman** _**ish** _ **."**

"Ish?" Blake raised an eyebrow.

**Tex: "Pardon me?"**

**Church: "Do you want Caboose to run decoy for you, or do you wanna try this on your own?"**

**As if on cue, a shell from Sheila explodes behind Tex**

Yang and Jaune laughed.

**Tex: "I see your point."**

**Church: "Go ahead."**

**Tucker approaches behind Caboose and Church**

**Caboose: "Hello Tex."**

**Tucker: "Dude, you will not believe what Doc just pulled off."**

Yang laughed while Ruby sighed.

**Church: "Shut up Tucker, don't interrupt."**

**Tucker: "Interrupt** _**what?"** _

"Caboose is about to flirt with Tex this is incredible." Nora gasped.

"Shut up I want to watch! Jaune hit play." Ruby ordered.

**Caboose: "Tex, I think you are pretty, and you haven't hurt my body in a long time. So I was hoping that we could talk and be friends maybe and hold hands, and you would go with me? And when you went with me, you would be my real girlfriend."**

"That was...sweet of him." Pyrrha chuckled, "He did sound genuine."

"He sounds like the boy that asked me out when we were kids. He was technically my first boyfriend." Yang laughed.

"I don't remember that." Ruby sighed.

"Yeah you were too young, dad was horrified he didn't know what to do" Yang laughed.

**Tex: "I think that would be, nice, Caboose. We should, definitely, do that."**

"I've never heard a more forced yes in my life." Jaune laughed.

 **Tucker: "What the hell? Tex have you gone crazy? If you wanna get with somebody get with me, the love doctor! I'm a** _ **real**_ **man! I will rock your fucking world."**

"...wow he's desperate." Blake commented.

Jaune sighed, "Yeah he is."

**Tex: "..."**

**Church: "Hey, don't look at me, he's not part of the plan."**

**Tex punches Tucker**

**Tucker: "** _ **Ow!**_ **What is going on around here!?"**

Yang laughed.

**Caboose: "I don't think I'm going to use Tucker's 'rock your world' line. I think I'm gonna stick with my own material"**

**The screen faded to black.**

Pyrrha laughed, "Caboose is amazing."

"Any new guesses?" Jaune asked.

Everyone nodded.

**Ruby- Whatever Ren says**

**Weiss- An Alien**

**Blake- O'Malley's friend**

**Yang- Alien**

**Jaune- An alien**

**Nora- Bat person!**

**Pyrrha- an Alien**

**Ren- O'Malley's friend, an Alien.**


	92. S5E91 Missed Direction

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

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**Chapter 92- Missed Direction**

Blake sat in team JNPR's dorm surrounded by her friends as they looked at her biting her lip.

"Hey Blake? Is something wrong?" Pyrrha asked looking at her friend.

Blake said nothing and continued to bite her lip.

Ruby laughed, "That's her thinking face."

Yang sighed, "Blake? You're not still worried and thinking about the White Fang are you?"

Blake looked up and glared at Yang, "I still am worried but no that's not what I'm thinking about."

"What is it?" Jaune asked.

"Something weird Doctor Oobleck said to me on the train." Blake sighed. "It's weird but he said 'Blake detach the caboose it will kill us all'"

Everyone looked at her with confused expressions.

"Why is th- oh, ohhh!" Yang gasped.

"Oobleck sounds like Caboose! Conspiracy!" Nora yelled.

Ren was practically smearing ink all over his notes and almost broke his pen.

"What could this mean oh what could this mean?" Ren mumbled to himself.

"It means nothing, it's a coincidence." Weiss sighed. "Or maybe its not and Professor Oobleck or someone who sounds like him made the show. It makes a lot more sense than the stupid other universe theory." Weiss smirked.

"But the text said tha-" Ruby started.

"No no no no NO! Stop!" Weiss yelled, "I do not want to have another argument over where the show came from."

"B-" Ruby started.

"Ah!" Weiss snapped.

Ruby crossed her arms and grumbled to herself.

"But it is weird though, there are so many similarities between the show and people we know." Pyrrha commented. "Your dad and Church." Pyrrha gestured to Ruby. "The importance of color, the songs-"

"The songs?" Blake said confused.

Pyrrha blushed, "Oh well, not much the songs. Sorry I just identified with one of the songs well. The season three end credits song I think it was."

"I liked that one." Jaune smiled, "I liked almost all of the songs but my favorite was last seasons."

"Mine too, but I don't like the songs much." Yang shrugged.

"Why did we go from something cool like the conspiracy to something lame like music." Nora groaned.

"Because they don't want to argue." Ren explained.

"But arguing is fun." Nora complained.

"Ignoring those two." Jaune sighed, "I'd like to listen to some of the songs again."

"There is a music option in the menu right?" Ruby asked.

"A what?" Yang asked confused.

"A music option? Does no one remember that?" Ruby asked.

Jaune chuckled, "Yeah there is one right here, after the season if the others want to we can all listen to some of the songs again."

"This conversation is boring and I'm hungry, Jaune! Start the episode, Ren! Get me some food!" Nora ordered.

" **Missed Direction" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight hummed the theme.

**Fade in to Tucker wandering around outside the Blue Base**

**Tucker: "Junior... Junior! Hey Junior, where'd you go?"**

**Junior: "Hooonk."**

**Tucker: "There you are."**

**Junior is inside the base.**

"He's gotten bigger." Jaune noted.

**Junior: "Hnnnk!"**

**Tucker: "You little rascal."**

**Junior: "Hnk!"**

Pyrrha smiled, "It's strange seeing Tucker like this. I like it."

**Doc: "(from around the corner) Okay Sister, any other conditions I should know about?"**

Ruby grinned, "See? He's just doing his job."

**Sister: "Uhm, let's see, you know about all the ways I'm contagious, so I don't know if there's anything..."**

**Tucker walks toward the voices and sees Sister's armor lying on the ground without her in it.**

Yang smirked at Ruby, "I don't think so." She said in a sing song voice.

Ruby pouted.

**Tucker: "Hey, what's going on here?"**

**Sister: "Oh! I'm colorblind."**

**Doc: "Really? That's weird. But I don't think it'll cause any problems here. Okay, go ahead and bend over."**

Yang cackled while the others cringed.

**Sister: "Sure. Like this?"**

**Doc: "Hwhoa, yeah! You're really limber. And in really great shape."**

"Way too easy." Yang laughed.

**Sister: "Hyeah I am."**

**Doc: "I'm not playing against** _ **you**_ **in Twister."**

Ren sighed, "Twister must be another sport."

**Sister: "Check this out."**

**Doc: "Wowzers. I didn't even know a leg could bend that far. That is a leg, right? Okay. Oh and by the way, sorry if my hands are cold."**

Ruby groaned, "You know when we found out this show was made in a video game I thought there would never be a scene like this, but nope here it is."

"It's amazing really!" Yang laughed, "A true masterpiece of art. A sex scene in a video game! I mean they already exist but you know what I mean."

Jaune and Ruby shook their heads.

**Sister: "That's cool. Sorry my body's a little hot."**

Weiss leaned over to Blake, "If this show was truly from another universe like they said I would believe that Sister is an alternate version of Yang."

Blake chuckled and nodded.

**Tucker: "Hey do you guys need any help in there?"**

**Sister: "Huh? Is someone spying on us?** _**Yessss. Hot."** _

"You are completely right Weiss." Blake whispered laughing.

"Oh, that's a exhibitionist." Yang pointed out.

Ruby groaned and put her face in her hands, "Yang! Just because your an expert on that...weird stuff doesn't mean we want to know!"

Everyone nodded as Yang laughed.

**Doc: "No, we're good. Hey, Sister? Do you want me to turn up the heat or something? You look like you're..."**

Yang shook with laughter as she tried to hold it in.

**Sister: "Eh. I'll be okay. Hard nipples won't kill you."**

"Why! Why is there a sex scene in this show!" Ruby complained.

"They aren't having sex." Pyrrha pointed out trying to comfort Ruby.

"Yet." Yang grinned.

**Tucker: "I could just walk around this corner if you need me to. It wouldn't be a problem."**

"She would be ok with it." Yang laughed.

"Doc wouldn't." Blake sighed. "This scene cannot get over fast enough."

Everyone nodded in agreement.

**Doc: "We got it! Hey sorry I got you all wet before. I don't even know how that bucket of baby oil got up on that shelf. That was wheird."**

"He could not be more obvious." Weiss sighed.

**Sister: "That's okay, I think it'll actually help. Squeezing these puppies in to the armor can be a little difficult."**

Yang groaned, "Exactly! It's so hard having big ones! Hard to find good bra's, back pains, bouncing- Finally! someone else here who can under...understand..."

All girls glared at her while the boys blushed in silence.

"I- I'm sorry I- I didn't I-" Yang blushed. "Blake, Pyrrha, Nora you three It doesn't apply- uh...I no. No I should probably shut up now."

"Yeah, you probably should." Weiss growled.

Everyone sat in awkward silence, especially Pyrrha, Ruby, Blake, and Weiss.

"Sorry." Yang mumbled.

"..."

"...well this is awkward." Nora said loudly trying to break the tension.

More awkward silence as Yang desperately tried to hide from everyone in her seat. She was practically trying to become one with her seat as she scrooched down.

"Jaune." Yang said nervously, "Please hit play."

**Tucker: "Maybe I should just look in there and see if there's anything I can do."**

**Doc: "No thanks Tucker, maybe they need your help with the tank instead. You'd probably be a lot more valuable out there. What we're doing in here is pretty routine- hey, are you double-jointed?"**

"There's no such thing as double jointed." Ren sighed.

"Then why can I do this!" Nora shouted as she bent her thumb to touch her wrist.

"Your thumb and wrist is flexible, not double jointed." Ren explained.

**Sister: "Hyeah."**

**Tucker: "Great."**

**Junior: "Hnnk!"**

**Tucker: "Don't rub it in."**

**Junior: "Blarg?"**

Pyrrha chuckled, "Tucker and his kid are kind of cute."

"Junior, I like the name." Ruby added.

**Cut to Sarge, Simmons and Donut roaming the vast underground cave**

Weiss sighed in relief, "Finally that scene is over."

"The most awkward scene ever." Ruby commented.

"Of all time." Jaune added.

**Simmons: "Come on, Grif should be right over here."**

**Donut: "Don't listen to him Sarge, he's just tryin' to score more drugs to keep his habit alive! Remember last month when he asked for more money? It was for drugs!"**

"Donut is getting kind of annoying." Yang commented.

"Why? Because he doesn't want his friends to do drugs?" Ruby challenged.

"If you don't want your friends to do drugs destroy all of their drugs." Yang shrugged.

"Your bull headed strategy wouldn't work." Blake sighed.

"Yeah it would, why do therapy and rehab when you can just destroy all their drugs and lock them in their house until they kick it." Yang asked.

"Because when they 'kick it' and you let them out guess what? They're going to relapse." Weiss explained.

Blake nodded.

"Then do it again." Yang shrugged.

"They'll relapse again without therapy, they need the therapy." Weiss explained.

"How is laying on a couch and talking going to solve addiction?" Yang asked.

"They do more than that!" Weiss argued.

"And it doesn't always work." Blake sighed, "It's a complicated issue there's no simple solution."

Ruby sighed thinking of Qrow.

"Just like the White Fang." Weiss commented.

Blake sighed, "Yes. A complicated issue like the White Fang."

Yang smirked, "Yeah, it can't be solved by being bull headed and yelling at armed criminals committing a robbery at the docks."

Blake opened her mouth but Jaune held up his hands between the two.

"Can we please just watch the show in peace? This is still our dorm and I don't want it trashed." Jaune said sternly.

Pyrrha, Ren, and Nora nodded.

**Sarge: "That was part of a budgetary meeting, Donut! He needed more funds for vehicle maintenance."**

**Donut: "Enabler!"**

**Simmons: "I see something."**

**Sarge: "Ah! There's my shotgun! Mission accomplished, excellent work men!"**

**Sarge picks up his trusty, rusty, somewhat dusty shotgun.**

"Wheres Grif though?" Nora asked.

"Good question." Ren mumbled.

**Sarge: "Let's hang up a banner."**

**Donut: "There's Grif."**

**The camera pans to show that Sarge walked past Grif to get his shotgun.**

Nora started laughing.

**Sarge: "Oh right, and Grif. Excellent- somethinerother, you... peopl- why do I even bother."**

**Grif: "(moans) What happened? What'd you do to me?"**

**Simmons: "We got knocked the fuck out, and the people who did it must have taken you."**

"Hmm why would they chose Grif?" Ren mumbled.

**Grif: "Oh, right. Uh, they kept askin' me questions. They wanted information."**

"They wanted information and grabbed Grif?" Weiss laughed.

Blake shook her head, "Obviously the people who took him had to know something about them. And even if they didn't Grif is heavy. Picking Grif doesn't make sense."

"Maybe they knew Simmons would be harder to question." Jaune suggested.

"Do you honestly think Simmons wouldn't crack under that kind of pressure?" Blake asked.

"Good point." Jaune sighed.

**Sarge: "Information- what did they-"**

**Simmons: "Whoa whoa whoa they wanted information and they took** _**you** _ **? Why wouldn't they take me?"**

"Why is he complaining?" Ruby asked.

Yang laughed, "He's jealous!"

**Sarge: "What did they look like?"**

**Simmons: "Sarge, please! I was right there next to you. If they needed information, why would they take you instead of me?"**

**Grif: "What're you, jealous? Jesus."**

Yang laughed, "Told you!"

**Simmons: "No, I just think if you're gonna drug and torture people, you don't need to insult their intelligence too. That's just mean."**

"...is he serious?" Blake asked. "Someone who tortures people for information is not above insults."

**Grif: "Yeah, you're jealous."**

**Sarge: "Besides, you're takin' all the fun outta interrogating."**

Blake sighed, "It's sick that some people enjoy it."

"Monsters." Ruby growled.

Blake nodded, "It reminds me of a quote from a book you might like Ruby."

Ruby perked up, "Ohh whats the quote?"

"Evil is evil, lesser, greater, middling, makes no difference. The degree is arbitrary, the definition's blurred. If i'm to choose between one evil and another. I'd rather not chose at all." Blake quoted.

"Ohh sounds awesome!" Ruby grinned.

Blake cringed, "Yeah it is but you might not like it, it's really gritty, has dark humor, and...some sex scenes." Blake mumbled.

Yang laughed, "Of course it does."

**Cut to Sheila, with Church and Caboose looking on from behind a grassy knoll. A guitar theme plays as the scene pans around.**

Everyone leaned forward.

"I love the soundtrack for this show, it fits so well." Jaune commented.

Blake nodded, "It really does. If only it was music I liked." Blake laughed. "But it fits."

"It's my kind of music, and it's grown on me." Jaune shrugged.

**Caboose: "I don't know what to say."**

**Church: "Don't be nervous, just go out there, hold her attention, and don't say anything stupid. No wait- be natural. Say stupid stuff. Go!"**

Pyrrha shook her head.

**Caboose crab-walks up to Sheila as Church stays put.**

**Caboose: "Hello, Sheila. How are you doing?"**

"Good start." Pyrrha smiled.

Blake nodded, "Yeah, getting her to talk about herself."

**Sheila: "Oh, hello Caboose. Actually, I'm not functioning at my optimal capacity. My internal diagnostics indicate I am having mechanical issues. How are you?"**

"That does explain the strange behavior." Ren nodded.

**Caboose: "..Um..."**

**Church: "** _**Caboose! Say good."** _

"He could not be louder." Blake sighed.

**Caboose: "What? Oh, good! Ubub- pretty good. Really good. I am great. I am absolutely perfect."**

Pyrrha's smile fell.

**Church: "** _**That's too good."** _

**Caboose: "Now I am depressed. I am- doing- bad. I... I don't know if I can go on."**

Blake laughed at the joke while Pyrrha shook her head and smiled.

**Sheila: "You seem, distracted Caboose."**

**Tex walks up to Sheila's panel.**

**Caboose: "Uh, I am not distracted, I'm not distracted, I am distract** _ **ing,**_ **see, that's different 'cause I'm doing it to you!"**

Pyrrha sighed.

**Sheila: "What?"**

**Church: "** _**What?"** _

**Caboose: "I mean I'm very distractable! Aheah, with a high degree of distract-ivity...ness. (clears his throat)"**

Blake chuckled, "This is like a joke spy movie."

Jaune nodded, "Yeah like that one Spruce Willis movie."

**Church: "** _**Change the subject!"** _

**Caboose: "** _ **Okay!**_ **Sheila, have you seen Tex?"**

Pyrrha facepalmed and chuckled.

**Church: "What? I mean-** _**What?"** _

**Sheila: "What?"**

**Caboose: "Sheila do you know what my favourite thing to do is? Not look behind myself. You should try not doing that."**

"He had such a good start." Pyrrha sighed.

Blake laughed, "He did."

**Sheila: "..."**

**Caboose: "Do you like to collect stamps?"**

"Ohh! I should do that and sell them! Do stamps sell for a lot?" Nora asked.

Ren shrugged, "Not really."

**Church: "Hey Caboose? I think it's wrong for us both to die because you're an idiot, so I'm gonna take off now, okay I'll see ya bye."**

Pyrrha sighed, "Coward."

**Caboose: "Please don't go."**

**Sheila: "I am not leaving."**

**Caboose: "Oh good. Good... Stay."**

**Sheila: "You are acting strangely. And I would like to find out why."**

"Ohh no." Ruby mumbled.

**Caboose: "Oh. Okay. Um-"**

**Sheila: "Caboose, the Omega A.I. has been missing, and everyone has been attempting to find him. If you continue to act eratically, they may mistakenly think he is inside of you, and take drastic measures against you."**

"...She should take her own advice." Blake commented.

**Caboose: "Oh. I wouldn't want them to do that."**

**Sheila: "Exactly. Luckily, I know where Omega is."**

Everyone perked up.

"Ren notepad!" Jaune yelled.

"On it!" Ren nodded holding it up.

**Caboose: "You do? Where?"**

**Sheila: "He is inside Bluuuuuuoooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrr..."**

**Tex shut her down.**

Everyone groaned.

"Should have seen it coming." Ren groaned.

**Tex: "Got it!"**

**Caboose: "Who is Blurrr? ...Blerrrr"**

**The screen faded to black.**

"Well Sheila knows who it's in so...got nothing I have no idea how she knows." Ren sighed.

"She could be lying." Jaune pointed out.

"Could be, next episode." Ren ordered.


	93. S5E92 Where Credit is Due

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 93- Where Credit is Due**

" **Where Credit is Due" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight hummed the theme.

**Fade in to the Blues**

**Church: "You want us to turn her back on again. After we just went through all that trouble to shut her down."**

Ren and Jaune groaned.

"How long do you think this whole thing is going to take?" Jaune asked.

"Likely a few episodes before she's back on." Ren sighed.

**Caboose: "But she said she knows where O'Malley is."**

**Church: "Maybe she was lying. How could she possibly know that? What do you think Tex, can we turn her back on again? Disable her guns or somethin'?"**

"Exactly how could she possibly know?" Ren asked.

Jaune shrugged.

**Tex: "Not a chance, she's a wreck back here. I'm not even sure how she was operational anyway."**

"She did complain a lot about being made from the lowest bidder." Blake commented.

 **Caboose: "Oh, I know, uh, we could put her inside** _ **my**_ **head! Like O'Malley. I've got lots of extra room in there."**

"The mind of a tank in your head...Cool! That would be amazing you would know so much about explosions!" Nora shouted.

**Church: "Yeah, I bet, and, no. She's not that kind of A.I."**

Nora slumped down.

**Tex: "She could only be moved over, if we had a similar class of vehicle."**

"The ship." Jaune and Ren chorused.

**Church: "Yeah, if only we had some other kind of big vehicle that we could move her in to. We can't use the warthog 'cause that doesn't have anything... Wait a minute. Tex... the ship? Could we move her in to one of those on-board computers?"**

Jaune and Ren nodded to each other.

**Tex: "If we set up a hardline, yeah, I bet we could do it."**

**Tucker comes running out of the base**

**Tucker: "Church, wait!"**

"Huh?" Ruby mumbled.

**Church: "Huh?"**

Yang smirked at Ruby who blushed and glared.

**Tucker: "Church hold on a second I've got something to tell you!"**

Everyone leaned forward.

**Church: "Tucker what, what is it?"**

**Tucker: "I just wanted to say, I got a hardline Tex can use. Bow chicka bow wow."**

Everyone groaned.

"Ugh he's like Yang! Me and Dad could be having a conversation far away from Yang and all of the sudden she will run to us with her stupid puns." Ruby groaned.

Yang laughed, "The best one was the Disabeard one about Dads gross friend Zack."

"He's not gross he's cool!" Ruby defended. "He builds awesome houses."

Yang laughed, "Every time he gets mad at dad what does he always say?" Yang asked expectantly.

"I'm gonna build a house." The two chorused in a deep voice.

"...I'm sure that would have been a lot funnier if we knew who that was." Jaune sighed.

Ruby and Yang laughed.

**Tex: "How did you even hear that?"**

"I can always hear you two because you're so loud." Yang laughed.

**Tucker: "Phh I'm like Superman, I know when I'm needed."**

"Superman." Ren mumbled.

**Cut to the Reds in the deep dark dank dingy cave, with Grif shaking off the effects of having been forcibly unconscious**

**Sarge: "Shake it off you big orange baby, what happened to you?"**

**Donut: "He's been chasing the dragon."**

"Chasing the dragon?" Ruby mumbled confused.

"Probably their version of Chasing the Grimm, its a reference to hallucinations people have from hardcore drugs." Yang explained.

Ruby sighed and shook her head.

**Simmons: "Donut, shut up, he was drugged just like me."**

**Donut: "That's what I'm saying! He fell off the wagon, and shook hands with the Devil!"**

"The Devil is another word for Satan I've figured out. And likely has something to do with their Hell and religion." Ren explained.

**Simmons: "** _**Shut up!"** _

**Donut: "He's been ridin' the wave, and trippin' the technicolor dreamscape.** _ **Far out, man.**_ **Druggie loser."**

"Really annoying." Yang grumbled.

"He just doesn't want his friend 'falling off the wagon'." Ruby explained.

"Yeah and that's still not the way to go about it, I'm not in the mood to have another argument about it." Yang sighed.

"Just wanted to say that I completely agree with you though Yang." Nora grinned.

Yang smiled, "Thanks."

**Simmons: "Will, you, stop, Donut. All you're doing with your stupid anti-drug lingo, is making me actually want to try drugs."**

"See?" Yang said with a shit eating grin directed towards Ruby.

**Donut: "Choose life, Simmons.** _**Choose it."** _

**Simmons: "Yeah, that sounds like fun."**

"You can always have fun without drugs." Yang smiled.

"Then why do you drink?" Ruby asked.

"I drink very rarely and in moderation." Yang explained.

Ruby sighed.

**Sarge: "Who knocked you out, Grif? Was it those dirty Blues?"**

**Grif: "No, some kind of bat-person."**

**Sarge: "Bat-person!?"**

"The aliens don't look like bat people." Weiss commented.

"Maybe it's not aliens, or maybe it's a different kind of alien." Jaune suggested.

**Simmons: "Sarge, I'm not sure Grif knows what he's talkin' about."**

**Sarge: "Grif doesn't know what he's talkin' about, eh? Stop the fuckin' presses."**

**Simmons: "No. I mean specifically right now. Whatever chemical they used to knock us out may be affecting his perception or his memory."**

"As it always is with knockout drugs." Blake sighed.

"You're surprisingly knowledgeable with this stuff." Pyrrha complimented.

Blake frowned, "It's because of my history with the White Fang."

"...oh...Sorry Blake." Pyrrha said shying away from her.

Blake chuckled, "It's fine Pyrrha. Thanks."

**Donut: "And it could cause undue stress to his family, and seriously impair his ability to operate a me-"**

Yang groaned loudly.

**Simmons: "SHUT UP DONUT!"**

"Thank you!" Yang yelled.

**Grif: "I wasn't hallucinating. There was some kinda crazy bat thing, and another guy, and they were talkin' about a kid. And a sword. Some kinda deal they made."**

Jaune, Ren, and Blake perked up.

"Kid and Sword, obviously Tucker, Junior, and the Keyblade." Ren stated.

"But deal what kind of deal?" Jaune mumbled.

"The sword has value maybe they want the sword?" Blake suggested.

"Isn't the sword imprinted on Tucker?" Weiss asked, "The scientists back at Atlas scrapped that idea by the way I can't remember if I told you or not."

"You did, When he gets the prototype I'm going to add that feature." Ruby grinned.

"You could be right Blake." Ren nodded.

**Donut: "Hokay wait, is this a joke? This is a prank on me, right? You guys found my Harry Potter fan fiction."**

"What's fanfiction?" Ruby asked.

"Sounds weird." Jaune added.

"Fanfiction is when Fans write stories about other stories." Blake explained poorly.

"Sorry what?" Yang asked.

"Isn't that plagiarism? Or some other kind of ism?" Jaune asked.

"No no no, most people don't make money off it and it's free use. People write stories about other stories like...like a story about a Spruce Willis movie where the character he plays goes back in time. Or makes a different decision." Blake explained.

"That sounds cool." Ruby grinned.

"There has to be a catch somewhere." Yang commented.

"Well...it's not really a catch but-" Blake blushed.

Yang laughed, "Ohhh they write a lot of smut on there don't they!"

Blake groaned, "Yes but they aren't the majority of the stories. Some are actually pretty good."

"Its great that fans can express themselves like that." Pyrrha smiled.

"Have you written any?" Ruby asked.

"What?" Blake asked.

"Have you written any stories? Fanfictions?" Ruby asked.

Everyone looked at Blake as she blushed furiously.

"No! You wrote a smut fanfiction!" Yang cackled with glee.

"No I didn't! just read." Blake explained with a red face.

**Grif: "This has nothing to do with you, Donut."**

**Donut: "Hokay, right, sure. Well if the bat person turns out to be a sailor, and the guy turns out to be a bartender, and the** _ **sword**_ **turns out- well, let's just say this all sounds a little too familiar."**

**Grif: "I'm telling the truth! This really happened."**

**Sarge: "Sure, we believe you buddy! Note to Simmons, Grif has gone mad. Need to kill him ASAP."**

**Grif: "I'm not crazy!"**

"Sarge needs to learn how to whisper." Blake sighed.

**Sarge: "Second note to Simmons, Grif has developed super hearing. Possibly acquired from the bat people! Post-note: original plan still applies."**

**Grif: "Wait a second- I can** _ **prove**_ **I'm not crazy, 'cause of the bomb, the bomb!"**

"Andy!" Jaune yelled.

"No! Andy couldn't have betrayed them!" Nora shouted.

"He fits the profile." Ren pointed out.

"Yeah, he's the only bomb in the show." Jaune laughed.

**Simmons: "Yeah, that's a good way to prove you aren't insane. Just start screaming 'the bomb, the bomb.'"**

Weiss and Blake laughed.

 **Grif: "The bomb was there! That's how I could understand what was being said. They needed** _ **him**_ **to translate."**

"That makes sense." Jaune and Ren nodded.

**Sarge: "The bomb? You mean that loud-mouth guy?"**

"Andy could be O'Malleys friend." Jaune suggested.

"A friend with a bomb?" Weiss mumbled.

"I'm friends with my bombs!" Nora smirked.

"...I'm sure you are." Weiss said awkwardly.

**Grif: "Yeah, the enormous ball that's always ready to explode."**

**Donut: "Hokay seriously, there's coincidence, and then there's outright** _**plagiarism** _ **. I'm gonna have to sue somebody."**

"Why would a bomb be in a smut- actually never mind I don't want to think about it." Jaune groaned.

**Cut back to Church and Tex standing over Sheila and the ship, with a big floppy wire (hardline my ass) going between them**

**Tex: "She's all set. Transfer should take a while."**

**Church: "Um, are we sure we wanna put her in this ship?"**

"Yeah wouldn't that mean if O'Malley was in her he could kill them all even easier?" Ruby asked.

"Tanks beat everything, O'Malley could have done it already if he was in Sheila." Nora explained.

 **Tex: "Mm, it's still flyable, but I'm gonna remove the ignition coil just to be sure. If O'Malley** _ **is**_ **in her somewhere, they aren't goin' anywhere without it."**

**Church: "You want me to hold it?"**

"Hmm?" Ren hummed.

**Tex: "Are you kidding?"**

**Church: "Well, thought it was worth a try."**

Ren's eyes widened.

**Tex: "Hey Caboose? How's it goin' in there?"**

**Caboose is revealed inside the ship**

**Caboose: "Looks good. Although I have to tell you the ship looks a lot bigger on the inside than the outside."**

"Yeah that doesn't match the size of the ship." Ren commented.

**Tex: "How's the readout?"**

**Caboose: "Well, all the red lights are red, and all the blue lights are blue."**

"Very informative." Weiss laughed.

Pyrrha glared at Weiss for a split second.

**Tex: "What about the green lights?"**

**Caboose: "Those are black."**

**Tex: "When the green lights turn green, and the red lights turn black, I want you to get a hold of me right away."**

**Caboose: "Uh okay. Uh, what about the blue lights?"**

**Tex: "The blue lights don't matter."**

**Caboose: "Then why do they-"**

**Tex: "Okay, okay thanks Caboose, good job!"**

Pyrrha sighed and shook her head.

**Caboose: "Oh, okay."**

**Cut to Grif lying face-down next to Andy**

**Andy: "Hey Grif, just tell 'em where the kid with the sword is, and you can go."**

"Is this a flashback?" Ruby asked.

"Looks like it." Jaune mumbled.

**Grif: "Wha? A-Andy is that you? Why are you helping monster people?"**

**Andy: "Hey, gotta make a livin'."**

"Traitor!" Nora shouted.

**Green Alien: "Hnk. Hnk? Wnkwnk. Wrear."**

"Not bat people, are aliens." Ren mumbled.

**Andy: "He says someone's comin'. Eh we gotta go!"**

**The Green Alien and another alien run off, presumably carrying Andy**

**Andy: "Seeya Grif! By the way, you look like shit! Zing!"**

"Asshole." Nora mumbled.

**Grif: "Uoh, okay, bye. Ha'm gonna, to go to sleeping again..."**

**Fade to present time**

**Grif: "And he was translating between the two of** _ **them**_ **, too. So if we find Andy, he can tell us ex** _ **actly**_ **what's going on."**

**Sarge: "Sounds like we've stumbled across something totally diabolical! Good work uncovering the plot, Simmons."**

"Simmons!?" Jaune yelled confused.

"He is right though, diabolical plot indeed." Ren commented.

**Simmons: "Thank you Sir."**

**Grif: "Simmons!? I just told you everything!"**

**Sarge: "But Simmons was the one that led us to you after he stealthily avoided capture."**

"He got lucky." Blake sighed.

 **Grif: "** _ **Avoided capture!?**_ **They knocked him out first and picked me at random!"**

**Sarge: "Yes. A randomness that Simmons used to save the day!"**

**Grif: "He had nothing to do with that!"**

**Sarge: "But it was Simmons that found the underground cave."**

"By burying Sarge" Yang laughed.

**Grif: "By trying to bury you alive."**

Yang laughed harder.

**Sarge: "A tactic that was clearly multi-layered. Once again Simmons' treasonous insurrection, proves to be the glue that holds this unit together."**

"He's grasping at straws." Weiss commented.

**Simmons: "Just wait 'til you hear about my upcoming assassination attempt."**

Everyone chuckled.

**Sarge: "Oh, don't spoil it!"**

**The screen faded to black.**

"New guesses?" Jaune asked.

Everyone nodded.

**Ruby- Ren's Guess**

**Weiss- The Alien**

**Blake- Green Alien**

**Yang- Andy**

**Jaune- The Green Alien**

**Nora- I want Pancakes**

**Pyrrha- the Alien**

**Ren- Church**


	94. S5E93 Biting the Hand

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

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**Chapter 94- Biting the Hand**

" **Biting the Hand" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

"Nora used to bite peoples hands." Ren commented.

Immediately Nora shot up and glared at Ren, "THEY SNUCK UP BEHIND ME!"

"They were offering us food." Ren calmly stated. "You're lucky they pitied you." Ren chuckled.

"I'm lucky you were there to talk them into giving us food." Nora smiled.

Everyone chuckled at the cute scene between great friends.

"Ruby also bit peoples hands but she doesn't have an excuse." Yang grinned.

"They- they uhhh snuck up behind me too." Ruby tried and failed to lie.

"No. Dad took away mom's cookies because you were eating them all." Yang crossed her arms.

Ruby huffed and crossed her arms, "They were good cookies."

"One of my little sisters bit my hand once." Jaune sighed as he pressed play.

**Fade in to Church**

**Church: "You can't just show up here and start bossing people around, Tex. Bossing people around is my job. I put in the time."**

"I bet she would be a way better leader than Church." Yang commented.

"No doubt." Weiss added.

**Tex: "I had to leave, I found Wyoming."**

Ren and Jaune perked up.

**Church: "Yeah, Tucker told me, what happened?"**

**Tex: "I thought I tracked him back to O'Malley. But, by the time York and I got there-"**

"Poor York." Pyrrha sighed. "I liked him even though we barely saw him."

Blake shrugged, "His character didn't really develop much."

"He didn't have the time to develop." Jaune pointed out.

"Which makes it so sad." Nora added.

"Which makes me not care." Blake shrugged. "I would care if someone like Simmons or Tex died."

"Tex is already dead." Ruby pointed out.

"Dead dead." Blake corrected herself.

**Church: "York- your old freelancer buddy? Was Carolina with him?"**

"Carolina." Ren mumbled.

"That's an interesting name." Pyrrha commented.

"Carolina is another state." Ren corrected.

Pyrrha nodded, "I know."

**Tex: "She was already dead."**

**Caboose: "And what about Bermuda?"**

Ren narrowed his eyes and got his pen ready. He wasn't sure if he should trust Caboose.

**Church: "That's not a State, dumbass."**

Ren chuckled and wrote the place down in his notes except not under his states category.

**Caboose: "Portland?"**

Ren continued to write.

**Church: "Shut up!"**

**Tex: "But he still had Delta."**

**Church: "** _**Del** _ **ta; the A.I.? How? I thought they took them- wait a minute wait a minute, how was he even still alive? Aren't we hundreds of years in the future?"**

Ren and Jaune shook their heads.

"I'm glad that they didn't actually travel into the future." Weiss grinned.

**Tex: "I thought it was because of his armor. You know all the freelancer suits had some kind of enhancement."**

"I wonder why Tex believe them. She's smarter than this." Blake sighed.

"Yeah, Vic confirmed that they never traveled in the future with his Vasectomy and a bomb can't push people into the future." Ren explained.

"You never know." Nora said twirling two Blue Spider grenades in the palm of her hand.

"But running super fast could, I need to try it." Ruby grinned.

"We can be time travelers!" Nora grinned. "You run fast and I cause a huge explosion!"

Yang sighed, "The end result of that is going to be a suicide bomber and red paste on a wall."

Ruby and Nora sulked.

**Church: "Right, like your invisibility."**

"Wyoming had invisibility too." Jaune recalled.

Ren nodded.

**Caboose: "And, horrible meanness."**

Pyrrha chuckled.

**Church: "Hno dude, that's all natural."**

Yang chuckled.

**Tex: "York's was some kind of healing mechanism. It would help him recover from wounds in battle. I thought it might have kept him alive all these years. But after I found Wyoming, I knocked him out and downloaded logs from his helmet. There's somethin' going on Church, with a lot of people working against us."**

"It's a conspiracy!" Nora said with flare.

"You're right again Nora." Ren grinned.

"I'm on Fire!"

**Church: "Well what did Wyoming say when he woke up?"**

**Tex: "He didn't, before I could interrogate him, he teloported away. One second he was there, and the next he was gone."**

"Huh, maybe he has multiple armor enhancements." Jaune guessed.

Ren nodded.

**Caboose: "What about the second after that?"**

Pyrrha chuckled and shook her head.

**Tex: "Can I kill him?"**

**Church: "No, I'm saving him in case we ever need him for food. So, Wyoming's armor lets him teleport?"**

"For food!" Pyrrha gasped.

"That's disgusting." Nora shook her head.

Blake growled, "I still need to talk with Sun about that damn Cannibalism joke he told you Jaune."

"What J- oh yeah! The reason the Faunus was kicked out of the restaurant or something." Jaune recalled.

Yang laughed but stopped when Blake glared at her. "Sorry."

Blake sighed, "Just hit play."

**Tex: "I don't think so. I think someone grabbed him from somewhere else."**

**Church: "How is that possible? The only technology** _ **I**_ **know that could do that is- ...Wait a minute. Each freelancer had an enhanced suit of armor and an A.I., right?"**

Ren chuckled, "He's about to find out about Gary being...Gamma I think it was." Ren said pouring over his notes.

"You think so? I forgot it was a mystery since you kind of spoiled it for us." Weiss commented.

"They practically told me everything I needed to know in Out of Mind. It was very obvious." Ren explained.

Weiss sighed, "Good point."

**Tex: "Right."**

**Caboose: "Right."**

"Pyrrha chuckled and shook her head.

**Church: "Your armor was invisibility, and your A.I. was Omega."**

**Tex: "Right."**

**Caboose: "Wrong. Oops, missed that one, can we go back?"**

**Church: "What was Wyoming's A.I.?"**

**Tex: "Gamma."**

Ren's eyes widened. "Not teleportation, time distortion."

Jaune nodded. "Makes sense, that's an overpowered ability."

**Church: "Huughh. I gotta make a phone call."**

**Cut to O'Malley's old base, with the sound of a phone ringing**

**Gary: "hello."**

**Church: "Hello, this is Church Gary. Or should I call you Gamma. Have you been lying to us?"**

"Yes." Everyone chorused.

**Gary: "lying is such a shisno concept. I mean human concept"**

"Still racist." Weiss sighed.

"That's how it feels you dirty dirty Shisno." Blake joked.

Yang and Ruby cracked up while Weiss just glared at Blake.

**Church: "You're a computer, I thought computers can't lie."**

Jaune nodded.

**Gary: "they can if they are programmed to lie."**

"Hmm I guess you can program a computer to lie but only to someone who doesn't know. Like programming a computer to come up with different results than the real ones for an experiment or something." Jaune explained.

**Church: "Were you programmed to lie?"**

**Gary: "... no..."**

Everyone chuckled.

**Church: "God dammit."**

**Gary: "I have to go, church."**

**Church: "Wait Wait! what about the Aliens, how do we-"**

**Gary: "goodbye."**

"Ohhh Hung up." Nora commented.

**Wyoming: "Hmm, do they know?"**

**Gary: "there is nothing to worry about. we are close to the end. we will not be stopped now."**

"That's ominous." Yang commented.

Ren, Blake, and Jaune nodded.

**Wyoming: "We should keep going, hop in."**

**Back to Church, with his radio making those o-so-familiar connection sounds**

**Vic: "Hello, ringading, Blue Base, come in, let's go hello, come in."**

"Wait Vic is calling Church?" Ruby asked confused.

"He is." Jaune nodded.

"He is a part of whatever conspiracy is going on." Blake pointed out.

"Which is surprisingly confusing." Ren sighed.

**Church: "Hello? Vic, is that you?"**

**Vic: "Hey dude, how's it goin', been a while since we spoke."**

**Church: "Why're you calling me?"**

**Vic: "Everything been goin' good yeah that's great listen don't have much time to talk, uh been discussing things here at Blue Command, we think everything isss bad, and now is the time to go attack the Red Base. Turns out the Reds are up to no good, and somebody needs to kill 'em. A good way to do that might be to send some people through the caves, yeah, take 'em by surprise, anyway, can't talk, gotta go, seeya la vista."**

"Hmm, he want the blues to be divided. Some to go in the caves where the Aliens can attack them. But why have some go to Red base?" Ren wondered.

"No reds are at Red base." Jaune pointed out.

"Still doesn't answer why." Blake sighed.

**Church: "Waitasecond waitasecond wait- Why do people keep hanging up on me!?"**

Yang and Ruby laughed.

"So much like dad on the phone." Ruby laughed.

**Cut to the Reds entering a structure via a bridge, in the vast underground lair, and coming across a viewscreen switching between shots of the Canyon**

"Woah is that? Is that hidden cameras?" Ruby asked.

"Creepy." Nora added.

**Sarge: "Huh, what's all this business?"**

**Simmons: "It looks like a bunch of computer equipment, Sir."**

"Wow really?" Yang asked sarcastically.

**Sarge: "Excellent analysis, Simmons."**

"It was not." Weiss added.

**Donut: "And it's attached to some kinda T.V. thing."**

"Woah what!" Yang exclaimed even more sarcastically.

**Sarge: "So it is. Astute deduction, Donut."**

"Really isn't." Weiss sighed.

**Grif: "It shows all different parts of the canyon. Look, there's our base!"**

"Good point." Yang nodded.

**Sarge: "Ah yes, another incredible observation from the stating the obvious department. Thanks for nothing, numbnuts."**

"But he was right?" Weiss said confused before sighing.

"I love Sarge." Nora chuckled.

**Grif: "Huhhhhhh."**

**Sarge: "Simmons, Donut- you two stay here. Grif's gonna continue to help look for Andy."**

"Glad to know Sarge believes him." Pyrrha commented.

"Or he just wants to get rid of Grif." Weiss pointed out.

Pyrrha sighed, "You're probably right."

**Grif: "Fine. (wandering off) Huhh, I hate my job."**

**Donut: "Look, there's my room! And the locker room! And there's the showers! Mahan,** _ **so**_ **many good memories."**

"So many good memories in the shower." Yang chuckled looking at Weiss.

"Can we please stop talking about the shower incident? You made a little watching hole with the glass and fog on it so you could look at me." Weiss groaned.

"I was writing a message." Yang defended.

"We know! You two have had this argument twice now!" Ruby complained.

Jaune leaned over to Ren, Pyrrha, and Nora. "I'm still happy we don't have problems like that."

"Yeah the only problem we had was the incident with Nora and the syrup shower." Ren chuckled.

"I wanted to eat while showering." Nora defended.

"It was an interesting Idea." Pyrrha chuckled.

**Simmons: "I hope this thing isn't connected to the internet."**

**Sarge: "Euh, the Blues must've set this up. Crafty devils. Spying on us all along. ...What's all that?"**

**The computer screen shows Blue Base.**

"So the Aliens have been spying on all of them. This kind of relates to the experiment theory." Ren commented.

"Why would they spy on them though? Whats the point?" Jaune asked.

"Something to do with that Keyblade." Blake suggested.

Jaune nodded, "Yeah. Maybe they knew Tucker would get it? Or...no why would they not just take it themselves."

"Maybe only humans can use- no that's wrong I don't know." Ren sighed.

**Simmons: "That looks like Blue Base."**

**Sarge: "Why would the Blues spy on themselves?"**

**Simmons: "Maybe the Blues didn't set this up. Someone else might've."**

"Obviously." Weiss chuckled.

**Sarge: "Or maybe the Blues are so incredibly arrogant, they just wanna see themselves on T.V. Or I bet they have those stupid liberal equal time laws. Commie Blue bastards."**

"Liberal sounds like a law system and Commie sounds like an insult." Ren mumbled.

 **Simmons: "What if all this technology is just left over from an ancient civilization that was** _ **way more advanced**_ **than us."**

"How can ancient people be more advanced? They didn't even have dust." Nora asked.

"There have been legends of civilizations so advanced that there were no Grimm. But those are all just fairy tales." Ren commented.

 **Donut: "Wait a minute, how could an** _ **ancient**_ **civilization be** _ **more**_ **advanced? If they were so advanced, where did they go?"**

"See?" Nora asked.

**Simmons: "They could have mysteriously disappeared, only leaving behind a legacy of enigmatic technology."**

"Hmm so not the Aliens we have seen." Ren mumbled.

**Donut: "... ...** _**That** _ **'s gay."**

Yang burst out laughing. "Perfect line for him!"

Blake nodded as she laughed.

**Simmons: "Oh let's finish this fight later."**

**Sarge: "Look, what's that?"**

**The screen shows them Sisters Armor laid on the ground.**

Yang laughed harder, "Oh this is going to be amazing!"

"Gross they're going to spy on Sister." Ruby shook her head.

**Simmons: "Hhh! That looks like Sister's armor."**

**Donut: "Oh no, what happened to her?"**

**Sarge: "Clearly she's been disintigrated."**

"What?!" Weiss yelled. "Really? Sarge is crazy."

 **Simmons: "Why would they** _ **do**_ **that? Oh, we can't tell Grif. He's gonna be devastated."**

"Why do they believe him?" Weiss asked. "Never mind they're idiots."

**Grif: "Tell me what."**

**Sarge: "Tell you that your sister's been vaporized by the Blues."**

**Grif: "** _**What!?"** _

"That's gotta hurt." Yang cringed. "Finding out your sister is dead. She's not but thinking it."

Jaune, Ruby, and Weiss nodded.

**Simmons: "Sarge!?"**

**Sarge: "Heh heh, it's just like rippin' off a band-aid. Quick and incredibly painful."**

"Incredibly painful is right." Jaune nodded.

**Simmons: "We just talked about this, I thought we agreed not to tell him."**

**Grif: "What?"**

**Donut: "You really need to start thinking about other people's feelings, Sarge."**

"It would be worse not telling him though." Ruby commented.

 **Sarge: "Son, the only thing I** _ **need**_ **to do is stay red and die."**

**Grif: "What?"**

**Simmons: "I'm really sorry Grif. She's dead."**

**Grif: "How could this have happened? Oh man, that was my little sister. I mean, I know we don't always see eye to eye, but I still loved her."**

Ruby, Yang, Weiss, and Jaune all sighed in deep thought.

**Simmons: "This has to be hard Grif. I, don't know what to say."**

**Grif: "I-I just, I had no idea the last time I saw her was gonna be the last time** _**ever** _ **. I'd give anything to see her again and just to talk to her one last time, and I'm never gonna get that chance. It's the most empty feeling in the whole world."**

Ruby sniffled thinking of her mom, Yang did the same thinking of her own mom. Except she grew angry that she left her.

"At least she's not actually dead." Jaune sighed.

Pyrrha and Nora nodded.

**Donut: "Oh hey, look! She's not dead, she's just naked!"**

**Grif: "What! That little slut, I'm gonna kill her!"**

Everyone was taken out of their somber mood as they laughed.

**Simmons: "Take a screenshot, take a screenshot"**

**The screen faded to black.**

"So...any theories?" Jaune asked.

Ren sighed, "Not really, I think the Aliens spied on them for a reason but I don't know it yet. They want that sword that's clear and Tucker's kid has some importance."

Jauen nodded, "Any new guesses?"

Everyone shook their heads no.

Jaune grinned, "Then on to the next episode."

— **Professor's SS— Not Canon**

**Tex: "York's was some kind of healing mechanism. It would help him recover from wounds in battle. I thought it might have kept him alive all these years. But after I found Wyoming, I knocked him out and downloaded logs from his helmet. There's somethin' going on Church, with a lot of people working against us."**

Ozpin sighed, the others had left to do something or other. Probably getting coffee or tea in Glynda's case. Which meant he was the only one watching the show. It was interesting to say the least. Something to do while waiting which he had come accustomed too in his hundreds of lifetimes.

" _Conspiracies, plots, schemes, plans. All full of lies, betrayal, sacrifice, and death_." Ozma sighed.

"But when used for the greater good and the betterment of all are necessary." Ozpin countered.

" _Do the ends truly justify the means?_ " Ozma asked.

"It's not as black and white as that, what ends? What means? It all depends." Ozpin explained.

" _Nothing is ever as simple as it used to be. Grimm were bad, people were good._ " Ozma sighed.

"It has always been like this, grey. The world has always been full of grey, just varying levels over the years, I never noticed because I was a hero." Ozpin explained again.

" _Yes, a hero. So many years ago._ " Ozma sighed. " _When did I stop being a hero?_ "

"Who knows, I would say I am still a hero. Just a different kind." Ozpin explained.

" _Not like the true heroes of old, a noble person who fights for good no matter the cost or how small._ " Ozma smiled.

"Yes. The hero that fights and dies for their cause. Huntsmen and Huntresses. Fighting to protect the people! or for money. The White Fang fighting for equality! Or for superiority. And Her, most of all Her. Everyone is a hero in their own minds, everyone believes their cause just, even I do." Ozpin explained.

" _Always the pessimist, I have truly changed so much._ " Ozma sighed.

"Yes I have. And so has she...How many times have I had this conversation with myself?" Ozpin asked.

" _I have had it many times._ " Ozma Sighed. " _First time was when I first started scheming. Who was I then? Not Ozma._ "

"My second life?" Ozpin suggested. "When I lied to her?"

" _No, some time after that, doesn't matter much._ " Ozma sighed.

Ozpin nodded, "I have told so many lies over the years. I've lied to so many. My dearest friends, my most loyal followers, my family." Ozpin sighed.

" _For the betterment of all._ " Ozma quoted.

"For the betterment of all." Ozpin nodded.

Ozpin's scroll buzzed, showing a message from Qrow.

 _Speaking of telling lies._ "Time to stop talking to myself." Oz sighed.


	95. S5E94 Tucker Knows Best

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

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**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

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**Chapter 95- Tucker Knows Best**

"I'm really really thirsty." Ruby complained.

Yang got up, "Me too, you what do you want?" She asked as she walked over to team JNPR's mini fridge.

"Grape soda." Ruby smiled.

"Thanks for asking if you could get something from us." Jaune said passive aggressively.

"I can get you something too." Yang pointed out.

"Grape soda for me too, the one with the people like grapes slogan." Jaune grinned.

"Anyone else?" Yang asked.

Nora raised a hand and soon a soda flew in her hand. "Aww...it's all fizzy now."

Yang just shrugged and sat back down handing Ruby a soda on her way back.

"Where did Zwei go?" Yang asked when she saw he wasn't in Ruby's lap.

Ruby sighed, "I kept moving because of the show, I got excited and he moved over there." Ruby pointed to a black heap of fur very near Blake.

Blake jumped like an actual cat away from him and onto Nora's bunk. "I thought he was a pillow again!" She growled, or hissed in her case.

"Arf!"

Weiss chuckled and grabbed Zwei cooing at him the whole time. "Yes I won't move, I won't move will I? You can lie there and I won't move!"

Blake grumbled to herself and sat far away from Weiss.

" **Tucker Knows Best" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

"Yeah that's not true." Weiss joked.

**Fade in to where the Reds are**

**Grif: "PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON! What's the one thing I told you,** _**don't embarrass the family!"** _

Everyone chuckled.

"That has to be awkward." Pyrrha shook her head.

Everyone nodded.

**Simmons: "I don't think she's embarrassing -whoa, why is she doing splits?"**

Yang burst out laughing.

**Sarge: "Huh, is this that Facebook thing I keep hearing about?"**

"Even Sarge is looking." Weiss groaned.

"...he doesn't seem to be that interested." Pyrrha pointed out.

Weiss nodded, "Good point."

**Simmons: "Does this thing take dollar bills?"**

Yang snorted, "too good, too good." She said in between laughs.

**Grif: "Come on, that's my sister! And you're looking at her naked!"**

Jaune shook his head, "I feel bad for Grif."

 **Simmons: "So? She's not** _ **our**_ **sister."**

Yang laughed, "That's a good point."

Ruby frowned, "If you were Grif would you feel the same way about me?"

Yang's smile fell, "I would knock their eyes out before they even had a chance." She growled.

Weiss chuckled, "Winter would do the same and worse."

**Grif: "Stop, looking at her!"**

**Simmons: "Why does Donut get to look?"**

Yang laughed, "He's gay."

Blake nodded, "He's not interested."

"How do you two know?" Ruby asked.

"All the innuendos he makes." Blake answered.

"He does make a lot." Pyrrha sighed.

**Donut: "Hey, why does the Blue base get so much more natural light than ours? It gives the interior a much more airy and open feeling."**

Yang, Jaune, and Blake had tears in their eyes from laughing so hard.

"Oh that line was perfect." Blake laughed.

**Grif: "That's why Donut gets to look."**

Yang, Jaune, and Blake continued to snicker.

**Sarge: "(disappointedly)Ohhh, look, she's puttin' her armor back on. Uh, I mean,(monotone)oh look, she is putting her armor back on. Good work Soldier!"**

Weiss sighed as the others laughed or chuckled.

**Grif: "Don't partonize me."**

**The screen changes to show all the blues on top of blue base.**

**Simmons: "It looks like the Blues are having some kind of meeting."**

Ren nodded, "Sending some to the caves and some to take over Red base."

"Falling right into Vic's trap." Blake sighed.

"Vic?" Jaune mumbled before he looked down at the bottom of the screen and started freaking out. "Oh! Ohhhhhh! F- guys! Vic! V.I.C! Wh- this? Huh? What I can't-"

"Jaune!" Pyrrha yelled catching his attention. "Sorry...but you were freaking out whats wrong?"

Jaune smiled wide, "Look at the bottom of the screen."

Everyone squinted to look.

"Virtual Intelligence computer." Blake read.

Everyone's eyes widened.

"V.I.C! It's Vic! He's he's? He's a program! He's an AI!" Weiss yelled.

"He is! Every time we've seen him it's been a lie. He's an AI! He's not in space like we thought he's been down there! He's been monitoring them!" Ren explained.

"B- why?" Ruby asked.

"I- I don't know. Maybe a part of the experiment theory and the aliens are helping. It's still for the sword. Vic was working with Omega O'Malley which makes more sense now because he's an AI too. Worked with Gamma Gary too but not Delta? Hmm." Ren mumbled.

"This just raises more questions than answers." Pyrrha sighed.

Jaune sighed too, "You're right."

"Let's keep watching, see if they notice." Ren suggested.

Yang laughed, "They're not taking their eyes off the screen."

"Sister isn't on it anymore." Ruby pointed out.

"The camera has been going through a cycle, it'll get back on her." Yang pointed out.

Ruby and everyone else groaned knowing she was right.

**Sarge: "What? I knew it. They're coming to attack our base. Dirty backstabbers."**

"Not a backstab anymore because apparently they're not working together." Pyrrha sighed. "For such a short time they were on a team working together to fight against the greater threat."

"The common enemy was gone so things went back to normal for them." Blake sighed.

**Donut: "I thought the Blues were sup** _**pos** _ **ed to attack us?"**

**Sarge: "Dirty frontstabbers! Simmons, what're they saying?"**

**Simmons: "I have no idea. I can't find the volume on this monitor. And without any sound it just looks like a bunch of helmets bobbing up and down."**

Everyone chuckled.

"I've gotten so used to it I forgot how weird it looked." Weiss said amazed.

"I know! I want to try talking like that." Nora said nodding up and down.

Ruby, Jaune, and Yang laughed.

"It's because they're making it in a video game remember?" Ruby asked.

Jaune nodded, "What did we name it again? Ring for the big ring in space. They're in Ring 3 right now because Ring 2 was the older version and Ring 1 was where Church first met Gary in the simulation."

"But was it a simulation? If Vic is an AI he could have stayed running for thousands of years." Ren pointed out. "Our no time travel theory hinged on Vic's vasectomy."

Weiss and Blake groaned.

"I really hope it's not time travel." Weiss sighed.

Blake nodded.

**Sarge: "Is that how they talk? They look ridiculous."**

Everyone chuckled at the irony.

**Cut to the Blues all gathered on top of Blue Base**

**Church: "Alright, Vic called and said we should attack the Red base right away. I don't know why but, I guess we're gonna do it."**

Blake shook her head, "Trusts way too easily."

**Tucker: "Attack? Shouldn't we call soldiers or the military for something like that?"**

Weiss chuckled and nodded. "Yes they should."

**Church: "And for some reason he thinks it's a good idea for some of us to go through the caves."**

**Tex: "Why?"**

"Good question." Ren mumbled.

**Church: "I don't know f, who cares? So, me and Tex and Tucker are gonna go right up the middle."**

"The original three minus Caboose." Jaune chuckled.

"I wonder why they're leaving Caboose behind." Pyrrha frowned.

**Tucker: "What about my kid he can't go in to battle!"**

"Good point." Jaune nodded.

**Church: "Doc, Sister and** _**Junior** _ **, you guys go get lost in the caves."**

Weiss snickered, "I like how he told them to get lost in the caves."

Blake laughed, "I know."

"Sending your kid to get lost in the caves under the care of Doc and Sister is also not a good idea." Jaune pointed out.

Pyrrha perked up "Doc is a good caregiver, and while Sister isn't the best role model-"

Yang snorted.

"She could be a good baby sitter." Pyrrha finished."

**Tucker: "Oh."**

**Church: "We'll find you after the battle's over. Unless we die, in which case we won't find you, and you're gonna have to find us. And if that happens I want to be buried as far away as possible from these two."**

"He can't die again." Ruby chuckled.

"What if he can!" Nora asked still bobbing her head up and down.

"Nora please, that looks strange." Ren pointed out.

Nora sighed, "It's hurting my head." She said still bobbing it up and down.

"So stop." Ren said calmly.

Nora thought for a second. "Ok!"

**Tucker: "Yeah, and I wanna be stuffed and put on a couch with a cooler full o' beer, a bag full of cheese puffs, non-stop reruns of Baywatch and- ah, you know what, it's all in my will."**

"We already talked about Wills didn't we?" Yang asked.

"We talked about what you wanted." Ruby recalled.

"Oh yeah." Yang laughed, "A party instead of a funeral. Celebrate my life instead of being sad."

**Caboose: "What about me? Can I get lost too?"**

Pyrrha chuckled.

**Tex: "No Caboose, I need you to stay here and watch Sheila."**

**Church: "Yeah, if the transfer gets interrupted we might lose her altogether."**

"I like Sheila." Nora pouted, "I don't want her to die."

"Me neither, but she was in the afterlife thing remember?" Blake asked.

"Oh yeah, with Church and Sarge." Jaune nodded.

Ren sighed, "I would say that would mean Church and Sarge were AI too but Church had a body and Sarge still has his body."

"What if they were possessing bodies! And didn't know they were actually AI!" Nora suggested.

"...that's ridiculous." Ren sighed, "Sorry Nora."

"Awww! My streak is broken." Nora sighed.

**Caboose: "Oh that would be bad."**

**Church: "Right, otherwise how would you accidentally kill people?"**

Pyrrha sighed and shook her head while the others laughed.

**Caboose: "Hmm, well I suppose I could always-"**

Pyrrha sighed and chuckled, "Caboose why?"

Everyone chuckled again.

**Church: "Shut up that was retorrical, Tucker come on, let's get going."**

**Doc: "When should** _**we** _ **go?"**

**Church: "Dhe-a- I don't care. Just be ready to come running with the cavalry if we start screaming in pain. Unless Tucker starts screaming in pain, in which case, you know, feel free to point and laugh."**

Weiss chuckled, "I like that. Feel free to point and laugh."

"Sounds more like a Sarge line for Grif." Blake commented.

"I guess it can work for both." Weiss shrugged.

**Tucker: "Well little dude, I guess there's a time when every little boy becomes a man."**

"Oh no." Jaune mumbled.

"What?" Ruby asked.

"That's the same thing my dad said to me before he...never mind you'll see." Jaune groaned.

Yang gave a knowing laugh.

**Doc: "Tucker he's only three days old."**

**Tucker: "Yeah, they grow up so fast."**

"They do." Yang said looking at Ruby.

**Church: "Also he's not a boy, he's a grub."**

Ren gave an uncharacteristic snicker.

**Tucker: "The point is, you're on your own now, and I don't have time to tell you everything you need to know. So here's a few brief pointers."**

Jaune sighed in relief. "I thought he was going to give him the talk."

**Tucker: "Invest in real estate."**

"Good advice." Weiss commented.

**Tucker: "there's no such thing as a permanent record."**

"Not true." Blake stated.

**Tucker: "always eat breakfast."**

"It's the most important meal of the day." Ren nodded.

"Pancakes!" Nora cheered.

**Tucker: "all the girls on the internet are actually dudes."**

"We're not dudes." Ruby pointed out.

Jaune sighed, "I think that myth is because of cat fishing, guys will mess with desperate people on the internet by pretending to be a girl."

"That's mean." Pyrrha commented.

"Well...sometimes, most of the time it's not because the desperate guys will agree to pretty much everything even if they say they're underage. Which the trolls do and the guys are fine with it." Jaune explained.

Everyone cringed.

"Disgusting." Weiss growled.

"How do you know all this?" Ruby asked.

"Saph." Jaune shrugged.

**Tucker: "and you should never, ever buy the extended warranty on** _**anything** _ **. Ever."**

"Well not never." Pyrrha pointed out.

**Tucker: "Oh also, chicks like it when you tell them they're pretty, but they also like it when you're kind of a dick to 'em. So mix it up a little."**

Jaune sighed, "Wish I never got that advice, man that was not a good day to be me." Jaune chuckled.

"I would _love_ to hear that story." Nora laughed.

Yang shrugged, "But for some girls it's true. It's kind of a bad boy thing which I get, I like bad boys but if a guy starts being a dick to me it's over."

Every girl nodded in agreement.

"But it works for some girls." Yang shrugged, "I wouldn't care because you like what you like but guys always think it'll work on me too so they be an asshole to me and I have to knock them out so they'll leave me alone. And after so many one punch knockouts it gets boring."

Ruby chuckled at her sisters comment.

"At least they'll think twice about trying that trick again." Blake laughed.

**Church: "Tucker let's go!"**

**Tucker: "Okay little dude, I gotta go now. Tex needs me and Church to back her up."**

**Junior: "Bow chicka honk honk."**

Weiss and Blake groaned.

"Why!?" Weiss complained.

"Aww that's so cuuuuute!" Yang yelled.

"I know!" Nora added.

"Awww Yang you don't think Junior's gross anymore!" Ruby smiled.

"Not after that." Yang smiled.

"Tucker is raising that kid to be the embodiment of the type of guys I hate." Weiss sighed.

**Doc: "Hunh, I guess you have been teaching him some stuff."**

**Tucker: "Teach? You don't teach that. That shit's genetic."**

"Impossible." Ren stated.

**Cut to Tex, Church and Tucker walking along the plateau on the side of the Canyon toward Red Base.**

"Back on the Cliff's spying on Red base." Jaune smiled.

**Church: "I don't see anything."**

**Tex: "I'll move up. You two stay here."**

**Tucker: "You want us to cover you?"**

"A good military strategy from Blue team for once." Weiss commented.

"What about Church's plan for when the Reds attacked them in season 2?" Ruby asked.

"That was just a fancy way of saying run over to Caboose's rock and fire your gun a bunch remember?" Weiss asked.

Ruby nodded, "Ohh right."

**Tex: "Yeah. Cover me. That way I won't get hurt. Just don't run away."**

Yang laughed.

**Tucker: "Hey, you don't have to be a bitch."**

Jaune nodded but said nothing.

**Tex approaches Red Base, while Church looks on through the scope of the sniper rifle**

**Church: "I don't see anything at all. It's like they're all hiding or somethin'."**

**Tucker: "Uh, what do you see?"**

**Church: "I just said I don't see anything, I just said that."**

**Tucker: "** _**Man I hate that I never get the fucking sniper rifle!"** _

"I love my sniper." Ruby smiled.

**Church: "Oh yeah boo hoo, all you've got is your stupid awesome sword, I feel so sorry for you."**

Jaune sighed, "I really really want that sword."

**Tucker: "Come on dude, just once. Let me use it,** _**just one time** _ **, I won't ever ask again! Pleeeeeeeease? Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease."**

"Wow he sounds like Ruby." Yang laughed.

**Church: "Can I use the sword?"**

**Tucker: "Oh hell yes!"**

**Church: "Fine, here."**

"But isn't the sword locked to Tucker? Church can't use it." Pyrrha pointed out.

Jaune nodded, "That's right."

**Tucker: "Oh kickass! Heh heh! Okay no, wait, how do I zoom? I'm zoomed!"**

**The screen cut to show Tucker zoomed in looking around.**

**Church: "Hey Tucker, the sword doesn't even work. What a fuckin' gyp."**

Jaune nodded, "Yep, still doesn't work."

**Tucker: "Now how do I- wait what is this thing?"**

**Church: "Okay, whatever dude, just don't-"**

**Tucker shoots Tex right in the ass**

Yang and Nora burst out laughing.

**Tex: "OW!"**

**Church: "What the fuck, did you just** _ **fire**_ **that thing?"**

**Tucker: "Oops! That was an accident."**

"This is going to be good." Yang grinned.

**Cut to show Tucker zoomed in on Tex's face.**

"I can almost see her anger even though none of them show any expression." Blake laughed.

**Church: "We're s'posed to be sneaking up on 'em, dumbass. They're gonna hear us, gimme it back."**

**Tucker: "Um, yeah, okay take it back."**

"Oh you backstabbing son of a- wow." Jaune shook his head.

**Church: "I knew there was a reason I didn't let you use this thing all these year-(Tex walks up to Church) Hey, Tex, what're you doing back?"**

**Tex punches Church in the face**

Everyone laughed.

**Church: "OW! What the fuck did I do!?"**

**Tex: "Asshole!"**

**Tucker: "I told him to be careful with that thing, he's just not very good with it"**

**The screen faded to black.**

"What a liar." Ruby sighed.

"Yeah, hmm I wonder if Vic is O'Malley's friend." Ren mumbled.

"Any new guesses?" Jaune asked.

Everyone shook their heads.


	96. S5E95 Loading...

**Author's Note:**

**dots can't show up in chapter titles so it just says "Loading"**

**Thought it would be cool to share with you all my original idea for this fanfic. Originally it was going to be Just Jaune watching the show but only one episode a night in a dream. He would have a magic chalk board next to him to explain and answer any questions he had. And every episode he would gain the powers of the Reds and Blues.(Witty comebacks, how to use a sniper badly, how to shoot a shotgun, assault rifle, etc and eventually stuff like time distortion and a bubble shield.) I scrapped that idea soon after conception.**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 96- Loading...**

" **Loading..." appeared on the screen with the theme.**

"What? What's wrong with the connection?" Jaune groaned.

"Is the screen frozen? The theme is still playing." Ruby added confused.

Everyone sighed and pulled out their scrolls, except Ren.

"I think the title may be loading." Ren said calmly.

"Yeah we know." Jaune groaned.

"I think he means literally, the title is loading." Pyrrha explained.

"I- what? Oh." Jaune blushed embarrassed as he hit play.

**Fade in on the computer readouts inside the ship. Transfer complete showed on the main one.**

"Sheila is back!" Nora cheered.

"Which means we can finally figure out if our guesses are right." Jaune smiled.

Ren grinned, "I know I'm right."

"Wow Ren getting cocky." Yang said amazed.

Nora chuckled.

**Sheila: "Hello, and thank you for activating the M808- wait a minute. Where am I?"**

"The ship is wayyyy too big on the inside." Ruby commented.

"It's Like magic." Nora gasped.

**Caboose: "Sheila! You're awake! I am so happy, look- we got you a new place to live. Now you are the big ship lady."**

**Sheila: "I like it. It is so roomy. Much nicer than that stuffy old tank."**

**Caboose: "And now... you can fly."**

"And kill Church from anywhere." Blake laughed.

**Sheila: "Are you the pilot Caboose? Shall I run the tutorial program?"**

**Caboose: "Mmm, yeah. Uh, let's not do that right now."**

Everyone laughed at the callback.

**Cut to the underground viewscreen the Reds are looking at**

**Sarge: "Look they're invading our base! And we're not even there to defend it. Oh the humiliation! Men, this aggression cannot stand. We'll beat those Blues all the way back across the canyon. This is the moment we've all been training for!"**

"They've trained?" Weiss said honestly shocked.

**Grif: "Training? We haven't done any training. Wait, is sleep considered training?"**

"No." Weiss glared at Yang and Ruby who acted innocent.

**Sarge: "Simmons, as with all our battle plans, I need you to punch Grif in the back of the head. Simmons? Simmons!"**

**Simmons: "Uh huh, yeah, I agree. Everything you say is right, Red Team's great... hooray."**

"He's still staring at the screen." Yang laughed.

**Sarge: "Simmons, stop watching those T.V.s."**

Yang laughed.

"This is so sad." Weiss groaned. "That desperate just to...ugh."

**Donut: "Yeah Simmons, give it up. There's not gonna be any more pictures of naked girls on there."**

Pyrrha chuckled, "Donut is my second favorite character besides Caboose."

 **Simmons: "** _ **Shut up, you don't know that.**_ **Stop saying that. He doesn't know what he's talking about."**

"He's losing it." Blake commented.

"When did he have it?" Weiss joked.

**Sarge: "Men, this won't be easy. The Blues will be totally bunkered down. At both bases, which gives them an enormous strategic advantage! But we're the Red Team."**

"Ohh motivational speech." Ruby grinned leaning forward.

**A flag lowers behind Sarge, with Sarge singing in the background.**

Everyone looked at the screen confused.

**Sarge: "Sure, you might not be the best squad... might not be smart... or energetic, or have any skills that qualify you for duty in any other legitimately recognized military unit. However-"**

"Not very motivational." Ruby sighed.

"Who's singing?" Jaune asked.

"Sounds like Sarge." Blake answered.

"And whats with the flag?" Yang asked.

"I think it's just for comedic effect." Ren explained.

"Or maybe it's a Sarge clone!" Nora suggested.

Everyone shook their heads.

**Donut: "Where did that flag come from?"**

"Good question." Weiss chuckled.

**Grif: "Flag, who gives a fuck about the flag. How about who's singing?"**

"Better question, how is Sarge singing?" Blake laughed.

 **Sarge: "But with precise operations, and proper communication, we** _ **will**_ **emerge victorious! With a little luck, one of us in particular, will die a horrible death! Either at the hands of the Blues, or as part of a cunning distraction by yours truly."**

"He means Grif." Ruby explained.

"Thanks Captain obvious." Yang laughed.

**The singing stops**

**Simmons: "Why don't we just take over Blue Base?"**

**Sarge: "Nonsense! At Blue Base they're much more fortified. Blue Base has turrets. Blue Base has a tank!"**

"Good points." Weiss nodded, "Except he should know all the blues left.

**Simmons: "Blue Base has noone in it."**

**Sarge: "What?"**

**Simmons: "Look, see? They're all gone."**

**Sarge: "Where'd they go?"**

**Donut: "They went to** _ **Red**_ **Base. That's what we've been talking about."**

"I still wonder why Vic asked them to do that." Jaune sighed.

**Grif: "But which one of these caves leads to the Blue Base? I'm all turned around down here."**

**Donut: "I have an idea."**

**Cut to the Reds standing over the bodies of the two Blue corpses**

**Donut: "See, these are** _ **dead**_ **Blues."**

"Oh I see what he's doing. The blues base is above them." Blake commented.

Ren nodded, "Makes sense."

**Sarge: "Yes, Donut, we're all very happy about the corpses. Sicko."**

"Wasn't Sarge happy about them a few episodes ago?" Nora asked.

**Donut: "Don't you get it? When they buried you, you fell down here. When the Blues buried these two guys, they fell in too."**

**Simmons: "I thought the Blues had** _ **three**_ **dead guys."**

Ren hummed, "But he was likely eaten as Tucker took his armor."

Jaune nodded.

**Donut: "So that means, we're standing right underneath Blue Base. All we need to do is head up, and take 'em from behind."**

Yang laughed at the innuendo.

**Sarge: "Cavernous conundrum he's right! Let's go men. We'll grab their base while they capture ours! On to glorious victory!"**

"...that's just a base swap." Weiss pointed out.

**Simmons: "Technically that's not victory. It's more like a stalemate."**

**Sarge: "On to equilibrium then?"**

Weiss nodded.

**Simmons: "Yeah, that'll work."**

**Grif: "Huhh, this war sucks."**

"It really does." Pyrrha sighed.

**Cut back to Caboose and Sheila**

**Sheila: "Diagnostic complete."**

**Caboose: "Um, Sheila have you seen Tex?"**

"Why isn't he asking about O'Malley." Jaune complained.

"Give him time." Pyrrha advised.

**Sheila: "No. I have been running a diagnostic on my new home. I only need some minor repairs to my landing gear. But I require a replacement ignition coil to become functional. Do you have an ignition coil Private Caboose?"**

"Tex has it, and Church asked for it." Ren commented.

**Caboose: "Um no, uh but Tex wanted me to tell her when you started talking. Um... and I'm supposed to find her."**

Pyrrha grinned at Jaune.

**Sheila: "My sensors indicate she is at the Red base."**

**Caboose: "Om no that's the worst kind of base."**

Pyrrha chuckled at Caboose's line.

**Sheila: "Why did she want to speak to me?"**

"Here it comes." Jaune grinned.

**Caboose: "Oh, she just wanted to know where O'Malley is."**

**Sheila: "Oh. Of course. Would you like to know where O'Malley is Caboose?"**

"Yes." Ren and Jaune chorused.

**Cut to the cave Sister, Doc and Junior went in**

Both groaned loudly.

"Oh come on!" Jaune complained.

 **Sister: "So by the time I got home it was four A-M, and when my Mom asked where I was, I told her I was riding around on the train all night, which I guess is** _ **technically**_ **true..."**

"Oh wow she had a train ran on her." Yang laughed.

"What?" Ruby asked, "How is she not hurt a tr- oh. It means something horrible disgusting right?"

"Well, I wouldn't say disgusting but-" Yang started.

"Ah ah ah! Not another word!" Weiss yelled sternly.

**Doc: "Uh yeah, we don't have to talk about stuff any more. Let's just walk. And not talk.** _**Ever again."** _

"I'm sure he regrets that checkup now." Blake laughed.

"Yeah she mentioned she had crabs right?" Yang asked.

"Yang! Gross." Ruby groaned.

**Sister: "Come on little guy, hurry up!"**

"She's nice to him." Pyrrha smiled.

**Junior: "Hnnnk!"**

**Sister: "Oh my God, head."**

**Doc: "Okay please, really, no more stories."**

Yang laughed at yet another sex joke.

**Sister: "Seriously, it's a head. Look."**

Everyone leaned forward.

**Doc: "Huh?"**

**Lopez: "hola."**

**Caption: Yo.**

"We forgot about Lopez!" Jaune said amazed.

"Hmm he must be O'Malley's friend they spoke of!" Ren gasped. "My guess...my guess still may be right."

**Doc: "Oh. It's you."**

**Lopez: "Lo que. Una cierta manera de tratar, a su muchacho."**

**Caption: Whatever. Some way to treat your sidekick.**

**Lopez: "Mi a rodeo por días y usted incluso no me busque."**

**Caption: Gone for days and you don't even look for me.**

"We didn't even notice." Jaune sighed.

"When did we last see him?" Pyrrha asked.

"Oh! The competition right? Wait no he wasn't there." Nora sighed.

"When They translated the message from Vic using Andy." Yang explained.

"Ohh yeah." Jaune nodded.

**Sister: "You know him?"**

**Doc: "You speak Spanish?"**

**Sister: "Uh, of course I do, it's the year twenty-five hundred and I'm from America."**

Ren frowned, "Hmm according to my notes America is the place with predominantly Black people. Mexicans and Latinos must be Black. Is America a state though? Hmm. Mexico, America, Texas..." Ren went on to list all the states he found out about.

**Doc: "aoh, cool. Tell him O'Malley is gone."**

**Sister: "O'Malley no está aquí ya fue."**

**Lopez: "Su Español es muy horrible."**

Ren sighed and crossed out what she said.

**Caption: Your Spanish sucks.**

"Woah Ren, did you understand that?" Nora asked.

Ren nodded, "Somewhat, I don't need the captions that much now."

**Sister: "Who's O'Malley?"**

**Cut to the Red Base, which the Blues have handily taken over**

**Church: "Alright well, I guess let's break up in to teams and search the base."**

**Tex: "Got it."**

**Radio sounds**

**Caboose: "Tex! Tex are you there Tex? I know who O'Malley is!"**

Everyone leaned forward.

**Tucker: "It looks like the Reds pulled out. Does that mean we win?"**

**Church: "I s'pose so. I guess we have, two bases, in the middle of a box canyon now."**

**Tucker: "Whoopdie fuckin' doo."**

Jaune started laughing.

"Wow, that's a callback to episode one. Cool." Jaune smiled.

**Church: "Right Tex?"**

**Tex: "(training her gun on Church)** _**Don't move, O'Malley."** _

Everyone gasped except Ren.

**Church: "Oh, crap"**

**The screen faded to black.**

"Yes!" Ren slightly yelled in an uncharacteristic cheer. He calmed down quickly. "It seems I have won the bet."

"Ah ah ah." Yang said waving her finger. "Sheila could be wrong."

Ren huffed but nodded, "You could be right."

"Next episode." Jaune grinned hitting play.


	97. S5E96 The Wrong Crowd

**Author's Note:**

**What ships do you hate? Not limited to RWBY.**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 97- The Wrong Crowd**

Ren has a smile on his face, that smile when you were right about something and everyone else was wrong. With the added bonus of winning 700 lien. _If they even have it that is_ Ren thought.

"Ren stop smiling, we don't know for sure yet." Yang growled.

Ren remained calm, "I'm pretty sure It's Church. Why would he ask for the ignition coil? And since no one else guessed Church I won the bet.

Ruby gasped, "I don't have 100 lien."

"Me neither." Nora sighed.

"Yeah I'm broke." Yang added grinning.

Ren sighed, "I had guessed not everyone would be willing to pay. I mostly joined in on the bet just to see if I would be right. Which I am." Ren turned to Yang, "However you are not a very good liar."

Blake chuckled, "Yeah I caught that too."

Yang frowned, "You could still be wrong though."

Ren shrugged, "I guess I could be."

"Well." Jaune started, "Is everyone sure that they have no new guesses?"

Everyone nodded.

Jaune sighed, "Alright, here we go, let's see if Ren is right."

" **The Wrong Crowd" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight happily hummed the theme.

"Arf!"

Ruby and Weiss awwed and cooed.

"Awww are you joining in too? What a good boy yes so cute who's a good boy w-" Weiss cooed to the fur ball in her lap.

Blake hissed and signaled to Jaune to hit play.

**Fade in on the cavern**

**Sarge: "And then Donut will use all our grenades to bombard the base, while we move forward in an advanced cover-fire formation."**

"Would be a smart plan if there was anyone there." Weiss commented.

Jaune nodded.

Ren looked over to Jaune, "I'm surprised you never comment on the strategies."

"Huh?" Jaune raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"What do _you_ mean, You're the idea guy! The one with the plan." Nora explained.

Ren nodded, "The tactician, it's why you're our leader."

Jaune shrugged, "I don't know, their strategies are a lot more military. I'm better at making plans with us because I know you're skills and none of my sisters are in the military."

Weiss chuckled, "Whenever me and Winter talk we sometimes go over battle plans or she bounces ideas off of me, so I've picked up a thing or two."

Ruby grinned, "But I still came up with the plan to defeat the nevermore!"

Weiss frowned, "Normally armies don't launch their troops from a slingshot...also back then I wasn't exactly...team oriented."

"That's putting it lightly." Yang laughed.

"Neither were you." Weiss growled.

Yang sighed, "That's sort of true I guess."

**Grif: "Got it. And nobody hurts Sister.** _**That's my job** _ **."**

"Corporal punishment." Pyrrha shook her head.

 **Simmons: "Why does** _ **Donut**_ **get to stay on the sidelines?"**

"Because he'll be bombarding the base with grenades, Sarge just said that two seconds ago." Weiss sighed.

"Donut is great at throwing grenades kind of like Nora so it would make sense." Jaune shrugged.

"The idea guy!" Nora grinned, "Maybe that should be your Fables name instead of the White Knight."

Almost everyone shook their heads no.

"The White Knight is probably the best name here. Except for The Dragoness." Yang smirked.

"Ice Queen is the best." Weiss smiled.

"The Grimm Reaper!...2.0" Ruby smiled.

Blake sighed, "White Knight is better than ShadowCat."

"What was mine? Oh StormBringer!" Nora shouted.

"I like The White Knight, it matches the fables theme like mine. Shield Maiden." Pyrrha smiled.

Everyone turned to Ren.

Ren shrugged, "I don't have an opinion on who's name is best. But I do like mine a lot, Green Ninja."

**Sarge: "Because, he's got a great arm. Heh, he coulda gone pro."**

**Donut: "It comes from years of tossing."**

Yang burst out laughing.

Ruby sighed, "Innuendo?" Ruby guessed.

Yang nodded.

"Tossing? How can tossing be a sex joke?" Nora asked slightly offended because she tosses grenades.

"Salad tossing." Yang explained.

Ren sighed, "I might regret this but how is salad an innuendo?"

"Orally stimulating someones Anus." Yang explained giving the 'text book' answer.

Ren, Ruby, and Nora groaned.

**Sarge: "And as discussed, in the event that we are cornered and no other options exist, Donut will make sure to save at least four grenades, one for each of you. And two for Grif."**

Ren nodded, "I almost corrected his bad math."

**Donut: "Anyone have a preference of Frag or Sticky? Tell me now, I don't want any complaining later on."**

"Sticky!" Nora grinned. "I still need to test these bad girls out! These blue spider grenades are awesome!"

Ruby grinned, "You're welcome."

**Simmons: "Frag, no wait Sticky."**

**Grif: "Surprise me."**

**Simmons: "I'm gonna change back to Frag."**

"Frag grenades are cool too but sticky grenades let you target...targets better." Nora explained.

**Donut: "Hey Sarge, have you thought about calling for reinforcements? Like when we called for the ship."**

Jaune frowned, "Why did Sister come as reinforcements since she's on Blue team?"

Ren shrugged, "There's a lot of mystery around it. Vic planning something. O'Malley is planning something. There are Aliens planning something. And the Reds and Blues are part of it all."

"I never thought this show could get so serious." Blake commented.

Weiss nodded, "But it is still a comedic show so I doubt the show will get any more serious than this."

**Grif: "You mean the ship that crushed you while bringing more blue soldiers? Yeah maybe we shouldn't do that."**

Weiss and Blake laughed.

"Sometimes I think Grif is the smartest person in the whole show." Blake smiled.

**Sarge: "It's worth a shot. They owe us one now."**

**Radio sounds, and as Sarge speaks there's an echo in the cave**

**Sarge: "Come in Command. Are you there? Vic, are you there? Come in! Is this thing on?"**

Ren frowned and hummed in thought.

**Simmons: "Does anybody hear that echo?"**

**Donut: "Yeah, we're in a cave Simmons.** _ **Caves echo.**_ **Duh. That's how bats navigate."**

"Echolocation." Ren commented.

**Simmons: "No, it seems like it's coming from back the way we came."**

"Hmm." Ren hummed.

Jaune noticed that Ren was thinking and realized something must be going on.

**Grif: "Did you say bats, what bats? Were you talking about bats?"**

**Donut: "Um, just, bats in general."**

**Grif: "Don't bullshit me dude, I heard bats."**

**Vic: "Hehehey, Rojo amigo. What's goin' awn?"**

Ren frowned, "Amigo Rojo would be the correct grammar."

"How are you so smart! This is an entirely different language and you're picking it up like *snap* that!" Yang shouted.

Ren shrugged, "It's interesting to me, Amigo Rojo means Friend Red. I've figured out that instead of saying Red Car in Spanish they would say Car Red."

"That's weird." Nora commented.

Ren shrugged, "I think it makes more sense than saying red car. Because saying car first makes you picture a car and then saying red means you paint the car red in your head." Ren explained.

Everyone stared at him in a mix of confusion and slight annoyance.

Ren sighed, "Nevermind."

**Sarge: "Vic, we need help! The Blues have executed a brilliant plan, and it looks like we've fallen for it perfectly. No doubt they're celebrating at our very own base as we speak."**

**Cut to Red Base, where Tex is celebrating by threatening Church's life. She's so cheerful.**

**Tex: "** _**Don't move."** _

Ren grinned.

**Tucker: "Ooh, busted! Kill him Tex, I've got fifty-to-one odds if his next death is caused by anyone but Caboose."**

"Ohh! New bet!" Yang cheered.

"Wanna make up for your losses after this bet?" Ren asked.

Yang stared at Ren. "I did not expect that taunt from you it is on! win or lose we should bet on who kills Church next."

"It's obviously going to be Tex though." Ruby said gesturing to the screen.

"Caboose always gets him killed." Weiss pointed out.

"Don't be so quick to lose faith in Caboose." Pyrrha nervously added.

"I like that idea Yang. It's a deal." Ren smiled.

Yang smiled back, "Lets talk details after the current bet is over."

**Back to Sarge**

**Sarge: "We're going to die if we don't get some help over here Vic."**

**Vic: "Uh hey dude it's Vic Junior. We already covered that."**

"Liar!" Nora shouted.

**Sarge: "Hrr, Vic Junior. We're going to die if we don't get some help over here."**

**Vic: "Okay dude, calm down, take a chill pill. If you don't have a chill pill take one of those chill strips, you put it on your tongue it dissolves,** _**chill** _ **. I'll try to help, but someone's been here monkeying with my equipment. Just give me a second and I'll- oh, no oh man, I gotta go bye, try to win."**

Ren and Jaune frowned.

"Something's wrong." Ren commented.

"For Vic." Jaune added.

**Sarge: "Hello? I don't hear any hold music. Please don't transfer me to India. Hello?"**

"India, hmm another state?" Ren mumbled to himself.

**Cut to another part of the cave, with Sarge's words echoing in it**

**Sarge: "Vic Junior. We're going to die if we don't get some help over here."**

**Vic: "Okay dude, calm down, take a chill pill. If you don't have a chill pill take one of those chill strips, you put it on your tongue it dissolves,** _**chill** _ **. I'll try to help, but someone's been here monkeying with my equipment. Just give me a second and I'll-"**

**Simmons: "Hello? Hello. Who's there?"**

**Simmons walks up to another monitor.**

"Two monitors?" Jaune mumbled.

"Hmm, so what? This is just confirming what we know." Ren sighed.

"What?" Pyrrha asked.

"This is further confirming that Vic, of Virtual Intelligence Computer is down there in the caves." Ren explained.

**Vic: "Oh, no oh man, I gotta go bye, try to win."**

**Simmons: "Who's talking down here? Hello?"**

**Sarge: "Hello? yes I'm still here Vic. We need help!"**

**Simmons: "** _**Sarge?"** _

**Sarge: "Simmons, is that you?**

**Simmons: "Yyyes?"**

**Sarge: "What the- do you work at Command now? When were you promoted?"**

"Hmm what is command?" Ren asked.

"What? If anyone knows you should." Yang chuckled.

"No no, I mean what is command? At first we thought Command was the people commanding each respective army. But now? Vic is an AI and Command is something else." Ren frowned.

"Command still commands them but maybe..maybe command is the group spying on them. And the Aliens are a part of it? I don't know." Jaune sighed.

"I wish we knew more about the Aliens, Aliens are cool." Ruby sighed.

"All we know is that they have advanced technology are likely part of something called the covenant and-" Ren started.

"The what?" Ruby asked.

"The Covenant. First episode Grif and Simmons talk about signing up to fight Aliens but a person by the name Master Chief blows up the whole covenant armada." Ren explained. "So the Aliens likely lost and are hmm. Maybe the Aliens are trying to...do something." Ren sighed.

Jaune nodded, "I completely forgot about that."

**Simmons: "I don't work at Command, you called me here. It looks like this monitoring equipment is interfering with our radios. Or something."**

**Sarge: "Diabolical. Well get yer keester back here. Red Command is useless."**

"Because they're lying." Nora frowned.

**Grif: "There's a newsflash."**

**Sarge: "Shut up Grif."**

**Grif: "Did that order come from Command?"**

**Sarge: "** _**In fact it did** _ **. And they also ordered my foot to report up your ass on the double!"**

**On the screen Simmons is watching, Sarge runs across and beats on Grif.**

Nora laughed, "Sarge has the best one liners! Like Spruce Willis but better."

Jaune shrugged, "A lot funnier than Spruce Willis's."

**Simmons: "I can't believe I donated organs for this fucking war."**

Jaune chuckled, "Oh yeah Simmons is a cyborg."

"I wonder if Grif looks weird having a bunch of Simmons Body parts." Nora wondered aloud.

Ruby shook her head, "Gross, but I bet Simmons looks awesome with Robot parts!"

Weiss shrugged, "Ironwood is rumored to have robotic implants."

Ruby gasped, "He's a cyborg!"

Weiss sighed and shook her head as Nora and Ruby had a mini freakout.

**The screen changes to Red Base, which we slickly switch to**

**Church: "Tex I am not O'Malley."**

Ren smirked, "I'm sure Church is."

**Tex: "Bullshit. It all makes sense now. You were the one that told Gary where we were, you were the one that wanted me to disable Sheila by moving her to the ship, and you wanted the ignition coil once I'd removed it."**

"Exactly." Ren smiled.

Everyone else nervously looked from the screen to Ren realizing that they had most likely lost the bet.

**Church: "That's all coincidental. It doesn't make me evil. Just makes me a bad leader."**

**Tex: "Why would Caboose tell me it was you?"**

Pyrrha smiled, "Caboose doesn't lie."

"Sheila could have." Jaune pointed out.

**Church: "** _**You're getting information from Caboose."** _

**Caboose: "(over the radio) Thaaat's right."**

Pyrrha chuckled.

**Church: "Dude, I'll tell you what. If you get me killed again, I gotta tell ya, this time I'm gonna be a little pissed."**

**Caboose: "Sheila told me that O'Malley might be inside Blue Leader."**

Ren's smile faltered and Jaune noticed.

"Ren?" Jaune asked.

"No. It can't be he's?" Ren mumbled.

"What?" Jaune asked to no answer.

**Tex: "And that's you."**

**Church: "Sheila's crazy, remember? Besides I was never** _ **officially**_ **promoted to Blue Leader anyway. That's... Oh no."**

Ren and Jaune gasped.

"What?" Yang and Nora asked.

"Ren! It's-" Jaune started.

"I know! I was wrong!" Ren exclaimed.

"Yes!" Yang cheered.

**Cut to Doc and Sister back in their cave**

**Doc: "So that's how you got here Lopez? What a strange, yet totally believable story."**

"And we didn't get to hear it." Blake sighed.

**Lopez: "¿Quién es la gringo?"**

**Caption: Who's that guy?**

**The camera pans left to reveal Agent Florida in regulation blue armor with a teal alien.**

Ren and Jaune's eyes widened again.

**Agent Florida: "Hi there. I don't think we've met. I'm captain Butch Flowers. And this, is my friend."**

"It's Flowers!" Weiss yelled.

Yang groaned at learning she was wrong.

"He must have just passed out from the aspirin and woke up after they buried him." Blake explained.

"Which means.." Weiss groaned.

Blake caught on a second later, "Time travel!"

Both groaned loudly.

"It could still not be time travel." Pyrrha half heartedly suggested.

The two ignored her and continued complaining.

**Sister: "Hi nice to meet you! Hey, wait, wasn't I sent here to replace you?"**

**Junior: "Honnnk?"**

**Agent Florida: "Hey there little guy. I've been waiting a very, very long time to meet you. Muhuhuhuha, muhohohoho, muahahahahaaa"**

**The screen faded to black.**

"It was a great twist though." Blake sighed.

Weiss nodded, "So were we all wrong?"

Ren reached over and grabbed the bowl of guesses.

"Hmm lets see, I chose Church, wrong. Weiss The Alien, wrong. Blake Green Alien, wrong. Yang Andy? Wrong. Jaune same guess as Weiss wrong. Nora? Ok Nora I'll uh get you pancakes?" Ren said confused.

"Aww! I mixed that up with my guess." Nora groaned. "My guess was Caboose again."

Ren nodded, "Wrong. Pyrrha the Alien Wrong. And Ruby? Ruby really?" Ren chuckled.

Ruby sheepishly nodded.

"What did she put?" Yang asked.

"Ren's guess." Ren chuckled. "Clever but cheating."

Yang laughed and punched Ruby's shoulder, "Aww my little sister cheated!"

"It wasn't cheating!" Ruby defended.

Ren chuckled, "So what do you think they're planning with Junior?"

"I think-" Jaune started.

"Wait what happens with the money?" Nora asked.

"Everyone was wrong no one pays." Ren explained still looking at Jaune.

"Anyway I think...I don't know? Do you think getting Tucker pregnant was planned?" Jaune asked.

"Hmm possibly, still has something to do with the sword." Ren added.

Jaune nodded, "Ok next one."

Everyone nodded.


	98. S5E97 Uncommunicado

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 98- Uncommunicado**

"I really hope we get answers to all our questions soon." Jaune sighed looking to Ren.

"I agree" Ren nodded.

" **Uncommunicado" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

"Hmm Spanish for not being able to communicate I'm guessing." Ren mumbled.

"Kind of obvious." Weiss pointed out in a less than polite tone. As soon as the words left were said she held a hand up to her mouth realizing she accidentally spoke in a "bitchy" tone.

Ren nodded ignoring her tone, "Yes. Spanish shares many similar words with our language."

**Fade in on the Blue standoff at Red Base**

**Church: "I am not O'Malley, I'm** _ **telling**_ **you, it's Flowers."**

"I think that's the biggest reveal they've had so far." Jaune commented.

"I was surprised." Ren said calmly, "I was convinced because of Nora's theory about something in the caves eating them. And I backed up her theory with my own made up evidence."

"Heh heh, whoops." Nora chuckled nervously.

**Tucker: "Liar, Flowers is dead."**

**Church: "Then what happened to the Reds, Tucker. Where did they go? I certainly didn't sneak over here and scare them off in my** _ **spare**_ **time, when I wasn't dealing with you and Tex, and that new yellow freak, and that stupid disgusting kid a' yours."**

"That was uncalled for." Pyrrha commented.

"I disagree, Church has been stressed recently, this whole season in fact. I'm surprised he hasn't had a psychotic break." Weiss commented.

**Tucker: "Okay, okay. Man, I hope if Flowers is alive that he doesn't want this armor back. Hey what's up with the Reds?"**

**Tex: "Where are they?"**

"I hope the Alien's, Flowers, and O'Malley don't find them." Ruby commented.

"They should be leaving to take over Blue base soon." Blake pointed out.

**Church: "Who knows. Maybe it's lunch time. Maybe the Red army doesn't pay overtime and they all just went home."**

**Tex: "All their stuff is here. I don't** _ **think**_ **they evacuated."**

 **Tucker: "What** _ **do**_ **you think Tex?"**

**Tex: "I think we may have walked right in to a-"**

**Camera pans over to show Wyoming as he speaks.**

**Wyoming: "A trap?"**

"Ah shit." Yang groaned.

**Tex: "Wyoming."**

**Church: "Okay see? Now, if I** _ **was**_ **O'Malley, I would've known that was gonna happen."**

"If he was O'Malley he wouldn't have told them he knew until it happened." Blake pointed out.

"The season is really picking up." Yang grinned.

"We should be getting close to the season finale, every season has had around 20 episodes each." Jaune pointed out.

"I bet ep 100 will be the finale." Yang commented.

"Oh that remind me Yang." Ren said ripping a page out of his notebook and tearing it into little bits. "We need to take our bets on who will kill Church next."

Yang perked up, "Ooh! You're right." She said grabbing a piece of paper.

"I really did not think you would be such the gambler." Pyrrha said to Ren.

Ren shrugged, "I had to gamble sometime when me and Nora were younger. I don't like gambling that has any kind of luck involved however only when it involves thinking and skill."

"You gotta take the risk with luck." Yang grinned, "Otherwise it's no fun."

"Who else is betting?" Ren asked.

Ruby started to raise a hand.

"That has money to bet." Ren added.

Ruby sighed and brought her hand down.

"I think I'm done with bets." Weiss commented.

"Yeah It's not like you have money to throw around, oh wait." Yang laughed.

Weiss frowned, "I'm sorry I'm responsible with my money."

"Your fathers money." Blake pointed out.

Weiss huffed, "My fathers money, can we just get on with the episode?"

"Hold up Jaune." Yang ordered, "Is it just me and Ren betting?"

Everyone nodded.

"Ok me and Ren are the only two with balls and money in the room got it. Go on Jaune." Yang said waving a hand.

**Cut to a cave with the Reds bickering inside.**

**Grif: "Shouldn't we rethink this plan?"**

**Sarge: "Why?"**

**Grif: "Well now that Simmons has cut us off from Command, we're attacking the enemy base with no support."**

"Good point." Weiss nodded.

"Except the blues are all at Red base which they should know." Jaune pointed out.

**Simmons: "I didn't cut us off from Command."**

**Grif: "You interrupted the radio transmission!"**

**Simmons: "** _ **No I didn't.**_ **Whoever Sarge was talking with was already down in that cave. I just walked up and started talking to Sarge in the middle of it."**

"That is the definition of interruption." Ren pointed out.

**Grif: "What the fuck do you think interrupting means?"**

Ren chuckled.

**Sarge: "Can it you two."**

Nora grinned, "Can it, I like it a lot more than saying shut up."

Jaune sighed and whispered to Pyrrha, "Why does she have to idolize him?"

Pyrrha shrugged, "Nora is...Nora and I mean...it's not that bad."

"Can it you two!" Nora shouted at Jaune and Pyrrha.

The two sighed and shook their heads.

"And Ren! Get me some ice cream on the double!" Nora ordered.

Ren sighed and got up.

Yang leaned over to Blake, "He's pretty whipped."

Blake and Yang chuckled.

**Andy: "Yeah, you're givin' me a headache."**

"No!" Ruby yelled, "The aliens found them!"

"It's just Andy?" Ren said confused.

**Simmons: "Andy, is that you?"**

**Andy: "No, I'm tha other talkin' bomb. Francis. Pleased ta meet ya, ya dickhead."**

Blake groaned, "Now I remember why I hated him."

"So obnoxious." Weiss sighed.

**Simmons: "I thought you were busy helping the enemy."**

"Yeah! Traitor!" Nora shouted as Ren handed her the ice cream.

**Andy: "Nah, they didn't need me any more. Apparently that revived guy learned enough alien language to get by. And then it was 'what have you done for me lately?"**

"Revived guy?" Jaune mumbled.

"Captain Flowers." Ren explained.

"Hmm, so he was dead?" Jaune asked.

"Maybe." Ren nodded.

**Grif: "Hey, what was that deal they were talking about when I was all drugged out?"**

**Donut: "Grif, I'm prouda you. Admitting you** _ **have**_ **a problem, is the first step."**

"It is the first step." Pyrrha agreed.

"Wish Qrow would admit it." Ruby grumbled.

**Grif: "** _**Fuck off, Donut."** _

**Donut: "Baby steps Grif."**

**Andy: "That new alien is here to find the old one, and he revived the blue guy to help him. But then somethin' happened to him. I don't know what; started actin' all,** _**funky."** _

"The old one is the one Wyoming killed. And when he acted all 'Funky' as Andy put it is when O'Malley infected him." Ren explained.

"I wonder who Flowers tried to radio." Jaune commented.

"It was probably command." Blake pointed out adding to their discussion. "He was being tricked just like the others."

"Good point Blake." Ren nodded.

**Simmons: "The alien revived him."**

**Andy: "Yeah. They don't treat life and death the same way we do. Fact that little guy that everyone thinks-"**

"Hmm." Ren mumbled. "What could that mean?"

Nora perked up, "Ohh ohh! What if Junior is the Alien! Like the old Alien put himself into Tucker like a clone!"

Ren looked to Nora, "...Maybe." Ren said calmly even though now he was skeptical to believe Nora's theories. Especially ones where shes knocked up on an Ice cream high.

**Sarge: "We don't have time for this. Let's go men."**

**Andy: "Wait, take me with you!"**

**Sarge: "Andy, we're going in to battle unmanned. Low on ammo and with** _**no support** _ **. What use could we possibly have for a bomb?"**

Weiss facepalmed and leaned to her left...into Nora's arm that was currently holding ice cream. She knocked the ice cream out of her hand and onto the floor.

Nora gasped.

Everyone stopped and looked to the ice cream, then to Nora, then to Weiss, and back to the ice cream.

"No! My poor ice cream! Weiss how could you!" Nora shouted.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean too!" Weiss said quickly, "Sorry I didn't mean to knock the ice cream out of your hand here I'll get you another.

"Cruel Weiss knocking ice cream out of peoples hands." Yang teased.

Weiss glared at Yang as she handed a happy Nora fresh ice cream.

**Andy: "I could always act as a lookout... or a spy... or a chef? Or you know, you could always, use me as a bomb... Oh, hey Lopez."**

**Lopez: "Meh."**

**Caption: Up yours.**

Ren frowned, "I'm pretty sure Meh doesn't mean up yours."

**Cut back to the Blues and the white guy**

**Tex: "Wyoming."**

**Wyoming: "Ah yes, hello Tex. So sorry to sneak up on you when you were busy quarrelling about, well whatever it is exactly you people do here. I'm guessing some kind of ditch digging or something."**

**Tucker: "Blue Team doesn't even** _ **have**_ **shovels. Which kinda sucks, because our guys are the ones who keep dying."**

Jaune chuckled, "Reminds me of what Tucker said about shooting Church a grave."

**Wyoming: "And it looks like that trend is going to continue."**

**Church: "Oh what, y-yer here for Tex? Because if you are she's right there. All yours buddy. Go for it."**

**Tucker: "Yeah. Ladies first!"**

Yang laughed, "Wow she is going to kick their asses after she kicks Wyoming's."

Ruby laughed too.

**Wyoming: "Not at all. I'm here for your little friend. He's very important to a lot of people."**

**Church speaks over radio sounds**

**Church: "Ahuh-huh-huh excuse me."**

Blake, Jaune, and Ren perked up.

"Ohh clever." Jaune commented.

"Why what is- ohhhh." Ruby mumbled getting it.

**Cut to Caboose inside Sheila, with all that entails**

**Caboose: "Now that Church is possessed by O'Malley and is evil, do you think we'll have to kick him off the team? Then it would be just me and my sidekick Tucker. That's not a lot o' people on the team... Also I don't like Tucker? Oh, I know maybe we could convince one of the Reds to switch sides! Then we can give them Tucker. That would fix both problems!"**

"I wonder why Caboose doesn't like Tucker." Pyrrha commented.

"Probably hate left over from when O'Malley infected him." Jaune pointed out.

**The phone starts ringing**

**Sheila: "I don't know, that doesn't seem like it would work."**

**Caboose: "Oh, Church is calling me. Probably to ask me to be his new best friend. Or to infect me with a horrible computer virus. Excuse me for a minute Sheila I have to take this."**

Pyrrha chuckled.

"I'm still confused as so why Caboose is your favorite character." Weiss said to Pyrrha.

"He's funny, he's nice, he's like a kid sometimes I love his character." Pyrrha shrugged.

Weiss nodded, "I guess that makes sense, I don't really have a favorite. Simmons was my favorite but I think Tex is my new favorite."

"Yeah! Weiss for team Tex." Ruby cheered.

"Agent...Atlas." Yang added.

**Sheila: "Affirmative."**

**Caboose clicks on the radio**

**Caboose: "Yes! Hello evil Church. What can I do for ya?"**

"Evil Church." Pyrrha chuckled.

**Church: "So Wyoming, you just showed up here and decided to attack us."**

**Caboose: "Uh, my name is Caboooose..."**

Pyrrha sighed and shook her head.

**Church: "And now you've caught us at gunpoint, and it looks like we're in big trouble."**

**Caboose: "Uh that doesn't sound like something I would do. I think you have the wrong number."**

**Church: "Here at Red Base. Wyoming. You found us and are holding us prisoner.** _**At the Red base** _ **. Wyoming."**

**Caboose: "Ah Red Base no, uh, I'm in the ship.** _ **The shiiiip.**_ **Sheila I think O'Malley has driven him crazy, uhm, he's talking nonsense."**

"Come on." Weiss groaned.

"Hopefully Sheila will understand." Jaune commented.

**Church: "If only** _**some** _ **one nearby, someone with access to a** _**tank** _ **, somehow knew what was going on and could help us. Someone for instance, in** _**blue armor** _ **. Who somehow knew about the situation, and figured out what the fuck other people were talking about, and tried to fucking help us, and then we would be saved."**

"Wyoming has to understand whats happening." Jaune commented, "Church is being so obvious Wyoming should be suspecting Church of something by now."

"Maybe he thinks Church is stalling." Blake suggested.

**Caboose: "Yeah, he's definitely crazy."**

**The tank drives off in the background**

Jaune smiled.

"Sheila saves the day!" Nora cheered.

**Caboose: "Hey Sheila, where's the tank part of you going?"**

**Cut back to Red Base, with Wyoming holding everyone hostage.**

**Wyoming: "Why do you keep explaining things to me? I understand the situation perfectly. I ambushed you, you're quivering in fear."**

**Tucker: "Yeah what are you, the narrator now or something?"**

Yang laughed, "Tucker is my second favorite character."

**Church: "I just want everyone to be on the same page about Wyoming, ambushing us,** _**at the Red base** _ **."**

**Tucker: "We know."**

**Church: "Wyoming. The bad guy."**

**Tucker: "We know!"**

**Church: "And we're here at the Red base. Which isn't the Blue base. Or the caves, or the cliffs, or that weird tree, or the windmill."**

**Tucker: "We get it dude, we're standing right here."**

"Tucker has to understand at least." Weiss commented.

**Church: "Maybe we should take this from the top. Do you wanna write this down?"**

**Tucker: "** _**No!"** _

**Wyoming: "I think your friend here has lost his marbles."**

"Sometimes I forget this is made in a video game they really have the movements look so good." Jaune commented.

"I know it's still so cool!" Ruby shouted happily.

"I still say we steal this idea." Yang commented.

**Tucker: "Oh you wanna see crazy wait until you try to take my fucking kid. What do you want with him anyway, he never did anything to you."**

"I think its sweet that Tucker is so protective of his kid." Pyrrha commented.

"It's motherly- er fatherly instinct." Jaune explained.

**Wyoming: "It's not what he did, it's what he's going to do. That child is very special."**

"The prophecy." Ren mumbled.

Blake and Weiss groaned.

"I thought that whole plot line was a mislead." Weiss complained.

Blake nodded, "Yeah the interesting plot line of the red and blue conspiracy isn't important but time travel and prophecies is."

"But it is interesting." Ruby defended.

"It is, and it's all connected." Ren mumbled. "Just need to figure out how."

**Tucker: "Yeah, I know. I guess I should have read to him more, or something."**

**Wyoming: "Not that kind of special, you half-wit. I mean he's important."**

**Church: "Red Base. No one is in the State of Wyoming!"**

**Cut to the Reds**

**Sarge: "There's the base."**

**Simmons: "It looks like they're in trouble. Is that that bounty hunter guy? That guy's a dick."**

"Yeah!" Nora agreed.

**Sarge: "Hah! The Blues have overextended themselves and spread their forces too thin! Classic blunder. Change of plans, men. Instead of hitting Blue Base, we're going to take back our own base!"**

**The tank rolls by toward Red Base**

**Grif: "** _**Tank!"** _

**Simmons: "Oh shit!"**

Everyone started laughing.

**Sarge: "rechange of plans, men!"**

**Grif: "Fuck this!"**

**Sarge: "Blue Base it is."**

Their laughter died down somewhat.

**Back to Wyoming...not the state.**

**Wyoming: "That little alien of yours has a very important destiny to fulfill. And we're going to make sure he does it."**

Ren and Jaune leaned forward while Weiss and Blake continued to grumble to themselves.

**Tucker: "Well he's not here, so guess what. You're shit outta luck."**

**Wyoming: "I'm well aware; my partner's taking care of that little acquisition** _**right now** _ **. I'm just here to, tidy up a bit."**

"O'Malley and Flowers." Ren mumbled.

 **Tucker: "How'd you sneak up on us anyway? Tex, I thought you were supposed to be** _ **good**_ **at this stealth stuff."**

"She is sometimes." Blake commented thinking of the time she beat up the fanatic in plain view and earshot of all the others.

**Tex: "I am."**

**Tex turns invisible.**

**Tucker: "Wow, that's awesome.** _**Good for you** _ **."**

**Wyoming: "Oh no, Tex has gone invisible. Whatever shall I do. Fretting, worry."**

"His confidence worries me." Pyrrha commented.

**Church: "Dude I wouldn't sound so smug. She kicked your ass last time and you weren't outnumbered like ya are now."**

**The tank rolls up to Red Base**

"Yeah!" Nora cheered.

 **Church: "** _ **Haha yeah! Hey it worked!**_ **I can't believe Caboose came through! How ya like that Wyoming? We even have our tank now.** _ **Booya**_ **mother fucker!"**

 **Wyoming: "Ho ho ho ho ho,** _ **your**_ **tank? Hu hu hu hu hu..."**

Nora's and Ruby's smiles fell.

**Gamma: "Knock knock, Church."**

Jaune groaned, "Of course how did I not see that coming."

 **Church: "Oh shit. Why is it that something dramatic seems to happen** _ **exactly**_ **every five minutes? I mean, I can't** _ **possibly**_ **be the only one out here noticing this trend."**

"Breaking the fourth wall." Yang commented.

"I wish the episodes were longer." Weiss sighed.

"Me too, even though I complain about the stupid time travel and prophecy I still love the show." Blake sighed.

"Me too, which is surprising." Weiss chuckled.

**Gamma: "Firing main cannon."**

**The screen faded to black.**

"Alright play the next one." Yang ordered. "And Ren lets say 100 lien to the winner."

"Sounds good." Ren agreed.

**Yang- Tex**

**Ren- Caboose**


	99. S5E98 Same Old, Same Old

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

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**Chapter 99- Same Old, Same Old**

"I really need to make a list of all the weapon's, vehicles, and improvements I'm making." Ruby commented with glee.

"Well what do you have so far?" Pyrrha asked.

Ruby perked up. "Well what I've already made is Nora's blue spider grenades which-"

"Are Awesome! I still need to test them out!" Nora grinned.

Ruby grinned too, "And I've made Coco's turret upgrades from the warthog turret which she says is even more stylish than her last one."

"It does look good, she sent me a picture." Yang commented.

Ruby continued, "I also added two barrels to Nora's grenade launcher which now has a compartment for mini rockets. It's now basically a smaller version of the rocket launcher Doc had when O'Malley infected him."

Nora cheered and raised a hand to high five Ruby.

Ruby grinned and didn't leave Nora hanging, "And I've made improvements to my baby Crescent Rose, times 10 optical zoom, recoil reduction like the way the M808V fires, increased fire power which accidentally made her sound like the snipers from the show which is AMAZING! And-"

"You're rambling." Weiss pointed out.

Ruby blushed, "Oh sorry!...but I think that's it with what I have done already but I need to get a good idea of everything I need to do."

"Well I have a question Ruby." Ren started, "Nora's grenades. How do they arm? I'm just wondering how they don't stick to Nora's hand once they're armed."

Ruby grinned, "They're pressure sensitive once she arms them with the button they are armed but as only get sticky once it leaves her hand. In the show I guessed the grenades worked with some form of plasma but since I can't do that they secrete a mixture of explodable glue. They also use ice, and energy dust to make that glowing blue color."

Ren smiled and nodded, "Thanks I was just a little worried, sorry to insult your abilities."

"Awww you're looking out for me!" Nora cheered.

Ruby waved Ren off, "It's fine Ren I love the excuse to talk about weapons."

"You never need an excuse." Blake sighed.

Yang chuckled, "Well you need to make my Bumblebee hover and shoot those blue light things that the purple thing shoots."

Ruby nodded and wrote the note down, "Yeah using the hover tech from Argus buses."

"Hmm and maybe a paint job, purple. Purple and Yellow go great together." Yang grinned.

Ruby grinned, "Ohh! Great Idea!"

"I requested to have my current StormFlower sub machine guns to shoot the blue lights that the robots Lopez made carried." Ren explained.

Ruby gasped, "Those are the same as the things the purple thing shot! And they look exactly like the blue spider grenade! Maybe they're plasma too...hmm going to have to find a substitute, maybe some form of wind, lightning, energy, gravity steam and ice dust."

"That was a mouthful." Yang laughed.

Weiss nodded, "I can help you with that."

Ruby grinned, "Thanks Weiss! Anyone else?"

Jaune nodded, "My Keyblade, once the scientists in Atlas figure it out."

Weiss sighed, "Last update I got from Winter was that it was relatively low on their list of importance because it's not a gun. But since it's a weapon they are working on it. The main problem is just a hard light generator that's small but has a lot of charge, if Solar power was around in Atlas I would suggest it but since Solar power is hard to make and use, not to mention if my father finds out he will suppress it since it's not dust that's not an option. So we just have to wait."

Jaune sighed but nodded.

"Anyone else?" Ruby asked hopefully, she sighed when no one spoke up.

Pyrrha noticed her demeanor and perked up, "Have you given any thought to making the armor?"

Ruby looked up, "What?"

"The armor, from the show." Pyrrha explained.

Ruby grinned, "YES! That's a great Idea thanks Pyrrha I can't believe I never thought of that!"

"But who would you make it for?" Yang asked. "None of us need full body armor."

Jaune raised a hand, "I could use an upgrade but...full body armor sounds like a lot of work."

Ruby nodded still grinning, "Oh it is, especially armor like theirs, maneuverability, protection, practicality-" Ruby continued to list off problems she would need to solve as Weiss leaned over to Blake and Yang.

"Her vocabulary really increases when she's talking about weapons." Weiss pointed out.

"It's amazing isn't it." Yang grinned.

"It's like you with everything dirty." Blake sighed.

Yang cackled as Ruby finished.

"-and the fact that there are no schematics other than what I can see in the show which is not much added on to the annoying thing that the graphics are bad." Ruby finished taking a deep breath.

"So how long would it take?" Jaune asked.

"If I had the materials and schematics a few months but since I have neither probably never. But that unattainable goal is what I will work towards!" Ruby cheered.

"Yeah!" Nora cheered, "Do the impossible Just Do it!"

Pyrrha chuckled and nodded, "Like Nora said, Just do it."

"Nothing is impossible! Just do it!" Nora shouted.

"Nora. Please calm down." Ren sighed. "We don't have time for your motivational speech. We are so close to the end of the season."

Nora sighed, "I like my speech."

Ren chuckled, "It's a great speech. Save it for the right time."

"I kinda wanna hear it now." Ruby commented.

"I want to get the show on the road and watch the show." Yang sighed.

"Jaune?" Blake asked.

Jaune nodded and hit play.

" **Same Old, Same Old" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight expertly hummed the theme.

**Fade in to Caboose listening to Church from inside Sheila... I feel dirty just writing that.**

**Church: "Haha yeah! Whay it worked! I can't believe Caboose came through! How ya like that Wyoming? We even have our tank now.** _ **Booya**_ **mother fu-"**

**Click of the radio being turned off**

**Caboose: "Sheila, um did you send the tank out there to, help them?"**

**Sheila: "Negative."**

"I wonder how Caboose is going to save them because the ignition coil isn't in the ship." Jaune commented.

"I believe in Caboose." Pyrrha smiled, "Besides he can use the purple vehicle Church got from the reds."

Jaune nodded, "Good point."

**Caboose: "Oh, so the tank went out there, on its own."**

**Sheila: "Affirmative."**

**Caboose: "Sheila, I think they might be in trouble."**

"They definitely are." Blake chuckled.

**Sheila: "Affirmative."**

**Caboose: "I, should help them!"**

Pyrrha smiled.

**Sheila: "Affirmative."**

**Caboose: "I could go out there-"**

**Sheila: "Negative."**

Pyrrha's smile fell.

**Caboose: "And help them beat Wyoming-"**

**Sheila: "Negative."**

Pyrrha frowned and furrowed her brows slightly angered.

**Caboose: "** _**And save the day-"** _

**Sheila: "Nope."**

Pyrrha huffed and crossed her arms annoyed.

**Caboose: "And everyone will love me!"**

**Sheila: "** _**What?"** _

Pyrrha raised an eyebrow in confusion.

Yang laughed, "Love for hero work."

**Caboose: "Especially Church!"**

Pyrrha shook her head and chuckled.

"He idolizes Church and Hates Tucker." Blake commented, "Likely because Tucker represents competition.

Yang and Ren nodded.

**Sheila: "My sensors indicate you don't stand a chance."**

"I have faith that Caboose stands a great chance." Pyrrha commented.

"Me too, Caboose is smart in his own way." Ruby said supporting Pyrrha.

**Caboose: "Thanks Sheila! This is a great plan!"**

"He didn't make a plan." Weiss pointed out.

"Improvising is a great plan!" Ruby cheered.

**Cut to the standoff at Red Base**

**Wyoming: "You know I really can't thank you enough for leaving your tank com** _ **pletely**_ **unattended. It was very kind of you old chap. Makes your defeat and humiliation so much easier."**

"That is a good point, they shouldn't have left it unattended." Weiss commented.

**Church: "Yeah? Well, great, glad we could help. I'm sure if you give us enough time we'll just kill ourselves. Save ya some ammo."**

Blake chuckled at the dark joke and Yang laughed at the sarcasm.

**Wyoming: "If it makes you feel any better your death is for a very noble cause."**

Ren and Jaune perked up.

**Church: "What do you want with Tucker's kid anyway?"**

"Please answer." Jaune begged.

**Tucker: "What?! How did we get here? What!?"**

Everyone stared at the screen confused.

"What is he doing?" Ren mumbled.

"Distraction?" Jaune suggested.

"Pretty good distraction, making up something completely random." Ruby grinned.

**Church: "What's wrong with you?"**

**Tucker: "With** _**me? What's happening?"** _

"He really does sound genuine." Jaune commented.

"He's good." Yang agreed.

"Never expected Tucker to be a good liar." Blake commented.

"More of a good actor." Weiss corrected.

**Church: "Um... we're being held prisoner? Where the hell have you been?"**

**Tucker: "What? How? I'm so confused."**

"He's great at stalling." Jaune complimented.

 **Church: "What do you mean** _ **how?**_ **Are you retarded?"**

**Tucker: "But Tex! She-"**

**Church: "I know. Tex will take him out."**

"Yeaheh she will." Yang laughed.

**Wyoming: "Oh right, Tex. You mean,** _**her?"** _

**As Wyoming says "her" he lunges forward and punches the invisible Tex, knocking her down and out.**

Everyone gasped.

"That's why he was so damn confident." Yang growled.

"He knew." Blake gasped.

"Motion tracker?" Ruby mumbled.

**Wyoming: "Poor Tex. Never could figure out when she'd been beaten."**

"He just knocked her out in one punch." Yang said mouth agape.

"He surprised her." Blake sighed shaking her head.

**Church: "What? How did you know where she was?"**

**Tucker: "What do you mean, that's where she was before."**

"...what?" Ren mumbled.

"What does he mean before?" Jaune asked.

Everyone shrugged.

 **Church: "** _ **Before what?**_ **Tucker, have you gone insane?"**

Ren furrowed his brows deep in thought.

**Wyoming: "Wait a minute, what's going on?"**

**Gamma: "I think he knows."**

"Time travel." Ren snapped, "His time distortion unit. He knew Tex was there because he went back in time."

Immediately Weiss and Blake groaned.

Yang glared at the two to shut them up.

**Wyoming: "I think you're right."**

**Caboose comes charging over the hill, doing his very best "The Cavalry" impression**

**Caboose: "Church! I'm coming to help! Don't start without me!"**

Pyrrha chuckled and facepalmed.

**Wyoming: "It's the idiot, take care of him. Quickly."**

**Gamma: "Right."**

Pyrrha looked back up frowning.

**Tucker: "** _**Caboose, no, stay back! Don't get near the tank!"** _

Pyrrha stared at the screen.

**Gary fires the tank's secret machine gun at Caboose, killing him**

**Caboose: "Uuuhhh!"**

Everyone gasped.

Pyrrha coughed in shock after the gasp, "What! No!" Pyrrha yelled, "Caboose I-" Pyrrha paused to collect her breath. "at least time travel is involved he'll come back." Pyrrha sighed.

Ren nodded.

"Still though, that was brutal." Pyrrha frowned, "It just goes to show how great this show is, I really feel for Caboose I don't want him to get hurt."

"I don't want Tex to lose." Yang added.

"I want Simmons and Tucker to win something and get over their problems." Jaune added.

Pyrrha nodded at the two. "I hope he comes back soon."

**Church: "Caboose! Noooo!"**

Pyrrha chuckled sadly, "Wow. Church actually doesn't hate Caboose. He's really sad that he's gone."

"I didn't expect that from him." Blake added her eyes still wide.

**Cut to the Reds watching from the safety of their conquered Blue Base**

**Sarge: "Whoa. Looks like the blue one just got killed by the tank."**

Pyrrha huffed, "Sarge at least should know Caboose's name."

"Yeah they worked together for a while." Weiss sighed.

**Simmons: "A Blue got killed by their own tank? Man, I just had the weirdest sense of déjà vu."**

Everyone chuckled.

"Caboose Caboose Caboose." Pyrrha sighed shaking her head.

"You sound like my mom." Jaune laughed.

Pyrrha blushed and chuckled, "Caboose is just my favorite character."

**Grif: "Hehey, speaking of getting tanked, we should see if the Blues have any beer around here."**

**Sarge: "Hiyo!"**

"Hiyo!" Yang cheered at the same time.

Ruby sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

**Cut to Red Base, where Gamma is firing the tank cannon at the Blues**

**Tucker: "Go, move!"**

**Tucker and Church run down the ramp and out in to the canyon as Gamma fires at them.**

"Sad that they had to use Caboose's death as a chance to get away." Blake commented.

Weiss frowned, "That's one strategy I hope the Atlas military never has to use."

"That's a strategy I hope no one has to use, and I will do what I can to make that happen." Ruby said confidently.

**Tucker: "Look out!"**

**Church: "Caboose, Caboose! Ah, fuck he's not moving!"**

Pyrrha smiled sadly again, "It's so sweet that Church cares about him."

**Tucker: "I'm telling you he's dead. Just like last time."**

"Why didn't we see last time?" Nora asked.

"Maybe he will explain it." Ren said gesturing for Jaune to hit play.

**Church: "Tucker, you are gonna start making sense** _**right, now** _ **. That's an order."**

Jaune and Ren smiled.

**Tucker: "This already happened. Wyoming shot Caboose, Tex jumped Wyoming and knocked his gun away and then-"**

"That makes sense." Yang grinned.

"And then after that Wyoming reset and-" Ren gasped. "Jaune! Remember when Church kept resetting?"

"Yeah and-" Jaune gasped, "Wyoming is doing the same thing which means-"

Ruby and Blake caught on.

"Copies/Clones" Blake and Ruby said respectively.

"Woah, that's pretty badass I wasn't expecting that." Yang laughed.

"We could be wrong." Ren pointed out.

"Nah you guys are good at that foreshadowing stuff." Yang explained.

Blake huffed, "This show isn't like any other show or book I've read I can't guess anything."

**Church: "Tex is un** _**conscious!"** _

**Tucker: "Fucking A, I know, that's what I'm saying!"**

**Church leans out over the rock and shoots Wyoming in the gut with the sniper rifle**

Ruby gasped and cheered, "Yes! Finally! He hit him for once!"

Jaune laughed, "And now Wyoming is going to reset and it will never have happened."

Ruby's grin fell and she huffed.

**Wyoming: "Awh!"**

**Church: "Oh- I hit him! I hit him! I can't believe I hi- I mean, I knew this sniper rifle was awesome."**

"Mines better." Ruby grinned.

**Tucker: "This is just like last time! Once Wyoming lost everything seemed to-"**

**The camera pans back and Tucker and Church are returned to Red Base in front of Wyoming**

**Tucker: "Reset."**

"How is Tucker not being affected?" Ren mumbled.

"The sword?" Jaune suggested.

Ren nodded, "The sword is important so that's probably it, there's no other possible explanation."

 **Wyoming: "You know I really can't thank you enough for leaving your tank com** _ **pletely**_ **unattended. It was very kind of you old chap. Makes your defeat and humiliation so much easier."**

"Wonder how many times he worked on that line." Yang chuckled.

"Three times, what we just saw was the second loop." Ren explained.

**Church: "Yeah? Well, great, glad we could help. I'm sure if you give us enough time we'll just kill ourselves. Save ya some ammo."**

**Wyoming: "If it makes you feel any better your death is for a very noble cause."**

"I don't wanna see this again I wanna see new stuff!" Nora complained.

**Church: "What do you want with Tucker's kid anyway?"**

**Tucker: "What is going on?"**

**Church: "Um... we're being held prisoner? Where the hell have you been?"**

Nora huffed and crossed her arms in a child like way.

**Tucker: "Church don't you remember any of this?"**

**Church: "Tucker, what the fuck are you talkin' about?"**

**Gamma: "He knows."**

**Wyoming: "How the devil is he keeping up with us?"**

"Hmm so they don't know." Jaune mumbled.

"It could still be the sword but...them not knowing doesn't make much sense if it is." Ren mumbled.

**Gamma: "Irrelevant. Eliminate him."**

**Gamma fires the tank cannon at Tucker and misses**

**Tucker: "Go, move! Tex look out, he knows where you are!"**

**Tex reappears as Tucker and Church make their way back down to the canyon**

**Tex: "(reappearing) What?"**

"Since Tucker knows everything he can win." Jaune commented.

**Caboose saunters over the hill**

**Caboose: "Church! I am coming to help! Don't start without me!"**

Pyrrha sighed, she didn't want to see this again.

**Tucker: "Oh, shit I forgot about Caboose!"**

**Caboose is sniped in the face**

Pyrrha gasped.

**Caboose: "Eh! I am dead!"**

Pyrrha's gasp turned into a snort of laughter, "This is why I love Caboose, even in death he's so adorable and funny. Also I'm happy this death was a lot less brutal."

**Church: "Caboose! Noooo!"**

Pyrrha smiled, "It's going to be sad if Church doesn't remember any of this and continues treating Caboose poorly."

Ruby nodded.

**Back to Blue Base**

**Sarge: "Yowza! Looks like the blue one just got sniped!"**

**Grif: "Hey, speaking of getting sniped, we should see if the Blues have any ...beer around here?"**

Yang raised an eyebrow, "Why was it so awkward this time?"

Jaune just shrugged.

**Simmons: "What the fuck's that supposed to mean?"**

**Grif: "I don't know. Sounded a lot funnier in my head before I said it."**

**Simmons: "Man, I just had the weirdest sense of déjà vu."**

"Hmm so it's affecting the reds too." Ren mumbled writing in his notes.

**Back to Tucker and Church**

**Tucker: "Aw crap."**

**Church: "Whaddaya mean** _ **aw crap?**_ **Caboose just got killed."**

"Makes sense that Church would be mad, he doesn't know Tucker has seen this before." Blake commented.

"I don't want to see it again." Pyrrha sighed.

**Tucker: "Yeah I know, but I'm pretty sure it's okay. Somehow Wyoming keeps looping us through the same events over and over again. And noone but me seems to remember. I don't know how, but every time he gets hurt things just start-"**

**Back on top of Red Base in front of Wyoming**

**Church: "Yeah? Well, great, glad we could help. I'm sure if you give us enough time we'll just kill ourselves. Save ya some ammo."**

Nora groaned.

**Tucker: "Yeah, what do you want with my kid anyway?"**

"Did it not work?" Yang asked.

Jaune and Ruby shook their heads.

"He's pretending it worked!" Ruby gasped.

"Yeah, smart." Jaune grinned.

**Wyoming: "You don't, remember?"**

**Tucker: "Re** _**mem** _ **ber? You never told me anything."**

" _Now_ he's a good actor." Weiss chuckled.

**Gamma: "I think it worked, that time."**

**Wyoming: "Apparently. Keep your eye on him next time."**

**Church: "The fuck are you guys talking about? Oh you know what, never mind. Keep talking. Waste time until Tex kills you."**

**Wyoming: "Oh right, dear Tex. You mean, her?"**

**Wyoming lunges at Tex and knockes her down and out again... not that she remembers the first time**

Yang frowned, "Why would he let Tex get knocked out?"

"To get the jump on him, use his confidence against him." Blake explained.

**Wyoming: "Oh poor Tex. Never could understand when she was-"**

**Tucker steps in behind Wyoming and stabs him through the chest with his sword**

**Tucker: "** _**Beaten!?"** _

Yang clapped, "Oh bad _ASS!"_

"That was awesome!" Ruby cheered.

"And Caboose isn't dead this time." Pyrrha smiled.

"But he can just reset again?" Ren pointed out.

Everyone groaned.

**Wyoming: "Oh dear!"**

**Tucker pulls out of Wyoming (heh) and Wyoming falls to the ground**

**Gamma: "Reggie."**

"Gary cares about Wyoming..huh." Pyrrha commented.

**Tucker: "That's right bitch. I take care of my kids."**

Yang chuckled.

"Sounds like my mom if she cursed." Jaune laughed.

**Caboose comes trundling over the hill**

**Caboose: "I'm coming to help! Don't start without me!"**

**Tucker picks up a sniper rifle and shoots it at Caboose's feet**

**Tucker: "Caboose, get the fuck outta here!"**

Pyrrha sighed as the others laughed.

**Caboose: "Okay bye, I don't wanna help any more."**

Everyone laughed including Pyrrha.

**Back to the Reds at Blue Base we go**

**Sarge: "Whoa. Looks like the white guy just got stabbed."**

**Grif: "Hey, speaking of getting stabbed... I think I have a headache all of a sudden. For some reason I want a beer."**

**Simmons: "Man I just had the weirdest sense of... meh what's that thing called? When you, think you've done something, but you don't know if you did it?"**

"It just gets worse every time." Yang commented.

**Grif: "How the fuck should I know?"**

**Cut to Church and Tucker fleeing from the enraged Gamma**

"Hmm, Maybe Gamma has to send Wyoming back, and because Gamma is too busy shooting at them he can't." Ren suggested.

"That makes sense." Jaune nodded.

**Church: "Tucker, how did you know that was gonna happen?"**

**Tucker: "'Cause of Wyoming. You know how Tex said every freelancer had an A.I. and a special ability?"**

**Church: "Hyeah."**

**Tucker: "I think Wyoming can loop us through little segments of time, and he just keeps doing it over and over again until he wins."**

"It's cheating!" Nora shouted.

**Church: "Wait, what? How many times did we loop?"**

"Four unless there were even more loops we didn't see." Ren explained.

**Tucker: "Who knows? Doesn't matter now. That cocksucker's dead."**

**Church: "No no, it** _ **does**_ **matter. Don't you remember when we came here to begin with?** _ **I**_ **got stuck in a loop, and every time I went back, I left a bunch of-"**

**Church and Tucker run in to the bottom of Red Base, where they encounter seven Wyomings waiting patiently for them**

**Church: "Copies."**

Ren mumbled as he counted the Wyomings. "So eight loops in total."

**Wyoming: "Hello. Hwahahahaha."**

**Wyoming 2: "Hehehehaha."**

**Wyoming 4: "Hohohohohohohoho."**

**Wyoming 7: "Heh heh** _ **heh**_ **heh."**

 **Wyoming 5: "Heh** _ **ho**_ **hohohoho."**

**Wyoming 3: "Huh huh huh huh huh"**

**The screen fades black.**

"Next one next one next one!" Nora cheered.

"This is getting so good!" Ruby said almost jumping in her seat.

"I'm playing the next one." Jaune laughed, "Around twenty episodes a season so we are very close."

* * *

**My pm's/Reviews are open to**

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**-Thanks!**

**Also just so you know, most of the transcript was written by whoever made them. I wish I could find out who but most(around 98%) of the jokes made in the transcripts were made by him/her. Just wanted to make sure people knew that because I don't want to take credit for this persons funny transcripts.**


	100. S5E99 Repent, The End is Near

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 100- Repent. The End is Near**

"We are only one episode away from 100." Ren commented.

"We are? I thought we were- oh that's right the mini series. Out of mind wasn't it?" Pyrrha asked.

Ren nodded, "We are at episode 99." He explained.

"Well let's hurry up and watch this one, episode 100 is probably going to be the finale." Yang suggested.

Jaune nodded, "If this season doesn't answer a lot of me and Ren's questions I will be mad."

Weiss huffed, "Mine and Ren's." She mumbled under her breath. In the past she would have called him out openly but over the last semester she has matured from the brat she was.

" **Repent, The End is Near" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

"That's a pretty dark title." Blake commented.

Ruby sighed, "I don't like the dark parts of the show."

"There aren't that many dark moments in the show, mainly jokes." Ren commented.

"The only dark moment I can think of is when Tex died. But that scene was just sad." Yang sighed.

"I think that was the saddest scene in the show." Jaune pointed out.

"There hasn't been a lot of death in the show. And I mean true death, Church and Tex came back as ghosts-" Blake started.

"I want that explained." Ren mumbled.

"-Donut didn't actually die, Caboose got saved by the time travel." Blake groaned.

"That wasn't a bad thing." Pyrrha pointed out.

Blake nodded, "The only real death I can think of was York but he wasn't an important character."

"Sometimes I wish the show was more mature and serious." Weiss sighed.

"I love the show the way it is." Yang said giving her opinion.

"As long as the show is enjoyable for the rest of you I don't mind." Pyrrha smiled.

"I just want to see more weapons and hang out with my team!" Ruby cheered.

"I like the mystery aspect and some of the clever jokes." Ren explained.

"It's amazing!" Nora shouted.

"Same as Ren." Jaune chuckled.

"I'm watching because theres nothing else to do and I enjoy some of the jokes, the show is immature at times but they never resort to...cheap humor." Weiss explained.

Blake nodded, "I like some of the themes and the dark jokes. As well as what you said Weiss."

Jaune looked around waiting for someone to speak, when no one did he hit play.

**Fade in to Agent Florida in the underground lair talking to the computer. Doc, Sister, and the aliens are behind him.**

**Agent Florida: "Yes, everything is coming together as planned. And these fools still have no idea. Once the young one gets his sword, there will be no stopping us."**

"Hmm I wonder why they need junior." Ren commented.

"Yeah, if they have a sword for him why not use it themselves if it's so important." Jaune asked.

Ren shrugged.

**Vic: "Hey, what about the other guy dude, does he know about the thing with the thing?"**

Ren and Jaune sighed.

"Very helpful." Jaune groaned as the others chuckled at his and Ren's annoyance.

 **Agent Florida: "No that beast does not suspect anything either.** _ **Ev**_ **eryone has played right in to our hands.** _ **Muuhuhohuhhahahahaaa.(Aliens look to him)**_ **...Okay maybe that was a little loud. Huhahahaaa. There. That's better."**

"Hmm beast. Who could that be?" Ren mumbled.

**Cut to Tucker and Church fleeing from all the Wyomings shooting at them.**

**Wyoming 6: "They're getting away!"**

**Tucker: "Come on!"**

**Wyoming 1: "Cut them off!"**

**Church: "Why aren't you being affected by any of this?"**

"Lets see if the sword theory is true." Ren said to Jaune.

**Wyoming 3: "Remember the sniper shot."**

**Tucker: "He said it has something to do with the sword!"**

Ren nodded and smiled as Jaune gave him a thumbs up.

**Tucker turns and shoots Wyoming 4 in the head with the sniper rifle**

**Wyoming 3: "I** _ **told**_ **you to watch for the sniper shot."**

"So many Wyoming's." Nora commented.

**Church: "Who said? When?"**

**Wyoming 5: "I've got them in my sight!"**

**Tucker: "Just trust me!"**

**Wyoming 7: "Get off the ledge you fool!"**

**Tucker turns and shoots Wyoming 1 off the top of the base**

**Wyoming 1: "Ah! -Ooph!"**

Nora laughed, "This is really funny."

Weiss chuckled and nodded, "Even though they're literally working with themselves they can't win."

"Because working alone never works! You always need your team by your side." Ruby grinned.

Everyone grinned at Ruby's mini speech except Yang.

"Do I need to bring out the motivational speech counter?" Yang asked.

Weiss snorted, "The what?"

Yang laughed, "Ruby used to randomly say motivational things sometimes and it got annoying so I tally marked it in my scroll for a while. And each tally meant one less cookie."

"Please don't." Ruby begged while signaling to Jaune to hit play.

**Tucker: "The cliff! Head for the cliff!"**

**Wyoming 2: "This time flank him!"**

**Tucker: "That's where Tex will be!"**

**Church: "Are you sure?"**

**Wyoming 7: "Hey, hey!"**

**Tucker: "No, not that way!"**

**Wyoming 7: "Now I've got you!"**

**Tucker aims at Church's head.**

**Church: "Woah!"**

Everyone gasped.

**Church ducks, allowing Tucker to shoot Wyoming 7 in the face.**

Everyone let out a sigh of relief.

**Wyoming 7: "Ah!"**

**Church: "Hey you know what, I kinda like this new all-knowing badass Tucker. He's certainly a lot better than the old one."**

"He is." Yang agreed.

**Church heads off between some rocks**

**Tucker: "No Church wait! The other way!"**

**Camera zooms past Gamma in the Tank towards Church.**

**Gamma: "Knock knock Church."**

"He's gonna get killed by the tank again." Jaune laughed.

"No! I don't want to lose the bet." Yang whined.

"Me neither." Ren added.

**Church: "** _**Son of a bitch!"** _

**Gamma fires the tank's cannon at Church, who evades and rejoins Tucker**

**Tucker: "I meant the other other way. My bad dude."**

"He has bad call outs." Jaune commented.

Yang laughed, "Ruby's call outs suck too."

"What! No they don't!" Ruby shouted angrily.

"He's over there is not a good call out Ruby. Every time we play Call of Remnant Atlas Ops you confuse everyone and we lose." Yang explained.

Ruby crossed her arms and grumbled.

Weiss sighed, "Video game stuff?"

Jaune nodded.

**Church and Tucker run up the hill.**

**Church: "I take back what I said! You still suck."**

**They round a corner and see Tex.**

**Tucker: "Okay Tex perfect, now listen."**

**Tex: "What the hell? Why do you guys keep giving away my position?"**

"She's hiding." Nora huffed.

"She's waiting for the opportune moment to strike." Blake explained.

**Tucker: "It doesn't matter, they know you're here anyway.** _**DUCK!"** _

**Church and Tex duck, and a sniper shot goes through where both their heads used to be.**

"Badass." Yang grinned.

"Now that was cool." Ruby added.

**Wyoming 3: "Once I hit a (Unintelligible)"**

"Blake what did he say?" Ruby asked.

"How would I know?" Blake asked.

"You have the best hearing." Ruby explained.

Blake nodded, "Yeah? But I can't understand something unintelligible."

Ruby blushed and nodded.

**Tucker: "See?"**

**Tex: "What is going on?"**

**Church: "Tex, this is almost gonna be impossible to explain, but he knows exactly what's going on, and we just need to trust him."**

"Trust Tucker, never thought that would leave Church's mouth." Weiss commented.

**Tex: "Trust** _**him** _ **. Ten minutes ago he shot me."**

Yang laughed,"That was really funny."

"It's my favorite moment this season." Jaune laughed.

**Church: "Yeah well that's I mean... you know, come on. Kind of a bitch. But don't worry, now that we're together, I'm sure he has an awesome plan. Right Tucker?"**

"Hopefully, if he's been repeating the same thing over and over again and hasn't come up with a plan I'll be...not surprised by disappointed." Weiss commented.

Blake nodded in agreement.

**Tucker: "Right, now you guys stay here and distract the Wyomings. I'ma go take care of that fuckin' tank."**

"Great plan." Weiss said sarcastically.

"It is though." Ruby pointed out.

**Church: "Dis** _**tract** _ **! How?"**

**Tucker: "Not getting killed is a great way to start! Watch your back!"**

**Shots hit the ground near Church's feet**

**Church: "Jesus!"**

Yang frowned, "It really sucks knowing a curse word and not being able to use it. No one would understand it."

"Yeah. What a tragedy for you." Blake said sarcastically.

"Sorry if I don't weep for you." Weiss added.

Yang frowned, "This show is turning you two into sarcastic assholes. _Jesus!"_

"...Still doesn't feel right huh." Jaune asked.

Yang sighed, "It just feels weird in my mouth."

"Good." Ruby added.

**Tucker runs over the hill and rejoins Caboose**

**Tucker: "Caboose, are you ready to help? I need you to do something."**

**Caboose: "Great!"**

Pyrrha smiled.

**Tucker: "I need you to run out there and get the tank to shoot at you and try to draw it closer to the ship. It's gonna be really dangerou-"**

Pyrrha frowned, "Using Caboose as bait."

**Caboose: "Okay!"**

Pyrrha chuckled, "Caboose is really selfless."

"And stupid." Weiss added.

Pyrrha sighed, "Yeah that too, but he's smart in his own way."

"Yeah I've noticed that too." Jaune mumbled.

**Tucker: "Caboose, that's why I always liked you. Everything falls in to two categories. Either you don't understand it, or you just don't care."**

"It sucks that Caboose hates him even though Tucker likes him." Ruby commented.

"I don't think Caboose hates him, only dislikes him." Pyrrha explained.

**Caboose: "Yeah, I don't really know what you mean by that. But I guess it doesn't matter."**

**Tucker: "Exactly."**

**Caboose: "Why didn't you have Tex or Church help?** _**Is it because I'm the best?"** _

**Tucker: "No, it's because Church is an asshole and Tex doesn't trust me right now."**

"The dialogue in this show is still incredible." Blake mumbled.

**Caboose: "Really? Why not?"**

**Tucker: "Eh, because I got to use a sniper rifle and I ended up unloading a round in to her ass."**

Yang burst out laughing as the others groaned.

**Caboose: "Hey chicka bum-bum."**

Pyrrha facepalmed, "Why?"

**Tucker: "Caboose, what did I tell you about that!?"**

**Caboose: "Sorry, sorry."**

Yang appeared to be in deep thought, "Hey chicka yang yang." Yang chuckled.

"...one that's annoying and two that's narcissistic." Weiss pointed out.

Yang sighed, "Yeah it is."

"Please don't do it again." Blake and Ruby asked.

**Caboose heads boldly toward the tank**

**Caboose: "Hey. Big mean tank jerk. Why don't you pick on someone your own size?"**

**The tank starts heading toward Caboose**

"I don't want him to die again." Pyrrha sighed.

**Caboose: "Yah, that's more like it. ...Uh oh. Uh- okay, uh Tucker, uh, uh here it comes. Tucker? ...Tucker. Um, yeah, I- I I didn't really mean anything, I I just wanted to say um... Hi?"**

**Tucker comes up behind the tank and inserts a wire in to its rear orifice.**

"Oh smart." Ruby commented.

**Tucker: "Now Sheila!"**

**Sheila: "Affirmative."**

**Gamma: "What nuuuuuuuu..."**

"Now they just have to deal with the Wyoming's." Jaune commented.

**Tucker: "Did you get him Sheila?"**

**Sheila: "I have him! He is currently isolated behind a firewall. He is attempting to get through, but it will take some time. He is not that smart."**

Nora chuckled, "I love Sheila."

**Gamma: "I heard that."**

**Tucker: "Great. Caboose, stay here, I'll be back in a bit."**

**Caboose: "Okay, but I still don't know what's happening. Good tank? Nice tank?"**

Pyrrha chuckled.

**Cut to the Reds watching the ongoing battle between the Blues and the Whites, of which there are now six, meaning two were not initially visible**

**Simmons: "Man, that seems like a really big fight."**

"Sarge needs to join in!" Nora cheered.

**Sarge: "Yeah. Looks like they don't stand much of a chance. Ah, those Blues are finally getting what they deserve. I always knew this day would come."**

"Crazy old man." Blake grumbled.

 **Donut: "You mean you knew that the Blues would be killed by an unknown group of cloned enemies while in control of** _ **our**_ **base, and while we were in control of theirs? Seriously? You knew that was coming."**

**Sarge: "Absolutely. It's so obvious. Durrr. What a glorious day to be Red."**

"Not obvious." Ren commented.

**Grif: "And the best part of it all is that the Blues are finally gonna be driven out of the canyon, and we get to sit on the sidelines. Man, someone does all the battling and we just have to kick back and let 'em take the glory, while we enjoy the benefits. We don't have to do anything."**

Yang facepalmed, "Does he not see what he's doing?"

**Sarge: "Rrrr..."**

Nora grinned.

**Grif: "Hhhh... You know, one of these days, and I don't know when, I'm gonna learn to shut my fuckin' mouth."**

"If a teacher is about to take away an assignment and not give it to you don't have any reaction. If you act sad they'll give it to you, if you act happy they'll give it to you." Yang advised sagely.

**Cut to now eight Wyomings firing on the Blues**

**Church: "Okay, I'll take the ones on the right, you take the ones on the left."**

"Hmm, smart having Tex take the side with more." Jaune commented.

**Tex: "There's twice as many on the left"**

**Church: "I know, I can count."**

**Warthog music starts playing.**

"Is that?" Blake mumbled.

"Yes! The reds are coming!" Nora cheered.

**Tucker: "Just keep backing them up!"**

**Church: "Why, what are we waiting- wait a sec. The hell is that music!?"**

**The Reds come barrelling over the hill in the Warthog, bowling over most of the Wyomings on the left, and Sarge shoots Wyoming 8 in the face**

Everyone cheered.

"That was awesome!" Nora shouted.

"The music is perfect." Jaune laughed.

"That jump was amazing!" Yang added.

"Charging into battle with that upbeat music." Pyrrha chuckled.

Ren chuckled too.

"I hope we look that awesome when we fight." Ruby commented.

**Sarge: "Yaaaa, now that's what I call ridin' shotgun! Blammo, haha!"**

Yang laughed at the sort of pun.

**Simmons: "Excellent shot, and follow-up one-liner Sir."**

**Sarge: "Thank you Simmons."**

**Wyoming 2 tries to mount the driver side of the Warthog, and Sarge shoots him**

**Sarge: "Now get to blastin'."**

"Yeah!" Nora cheered giddily.

**Simmons: "On it Sir."**

**Simmons starts firing the turret on the back of the Warthog, cutting down Wyomings 3 and 4**

**Simmons: "Yeah, suck it Blue! And you too White! Suck it crackers!"**

**Grif: "** _ **Crackers?**_ **I thought you were Dutch Irish?"**

"Is cracker an insult?" Ruby asked.

"Certainly sounds like it." Yang chuckled.

Blake frowned, "It sounds racist to me."

"How so?" Weiss asked genuinely curious.

"I don't know it's just a sense. The way he said it, what Grif said about Dutch Irish." Blake explained.

"That would be a weird semblance." Nora chuckled.

Yang laughed, "My semblance is detecting racism!"

Blake laughed at the absurdity.

**Simmons: "Fuck that shit. Shut up and drive, bitch. Yeahah, get some, suck it bitch. Ohoh, you want some, how about this?"**

"This reminds me of season one with Simmons shooting at Tucker and Church behind the rock." Jaune laughed.

**Grif drives over Wyomings 5, 1 and 2, while Simmons shoots Wyomings 6, 7, and 4.**

**Simmons: "You like that? Yeah, I got plenty more here! Take that ya honkey mother fuckers!"**

**Caboose: "Hey Reds! Why don't you pick on someone your own size?"**

Pyrrha facepalmed.

**Cut to Church.**

**Church: "Uh, is he gonna be okay?"**

**Caboose runs away from the Warthog, which follows him dilligently**

**Caboose: "I am Caboose! The vehicle destroyer!"**

Pyrrha and the others laughed.

**Cut back to Church and Tucker.**

**Tucker: "...Yeah, probably."**

**Church: "Hey one of them's still alive."**

Jaune and Ren perked up.

"Time for some answers." Jaune commented.

**Wyoming: "Uuuhhh."**

**Church: "What's your plan, Wyoming? Why are you here, and what do you want with Junior?"**

"Please answer please." Jaune begged.

"It's killing me too." Blake sighed.

**Tucker: "He already told me! My kid is the last part of that big prophecy we thought failed. He's supposed to become some big religious saviour for their whole race. Or some crap."**

"Hmm explains why they want him and why they want him to have a sword." Ren commented.

Jaune nodded.

**Tex: "What?"**

**Tucker: "Yeah, so they wanna make Junior fulfill the prophecy and have O'Malley infect him. Then they can use him to enslave all the aliens by corrupting their religion from the** _**in** _ **side."**

"That explains a lot!" Ren gasped.

"Finally!" Jaune cheered.

"Vic is involved too, and the aliens helping O'Malley are either in on it or are being tricked too but that doesn't matter much." Ren explained.

Jaune nodded, "I wanna see if they say more."

**Church: "Okay. That's disgusting."**

"It truly is, using religion to control people." Pyrrha shook her head.

Ren nodded, "Every religion has people in it that will use it to their advantage."

**Wyoming: "No, that's our job. To win the war at any cost."**

"The war? Between the Reds and Blues?" Nora asked.

Ren shook his head, "The thing Grif mentioned in the first episode. Fighting aliens. It's been such a small plot point until now."

"Still better than time travel." Weiss sighed.

Yang huffed, "I'm tired of you and Blake bitching about time travel there's nothing wrong with their time travel. It makes sense it's been good for the story and it's not like the show is meant to be realistic."

Everyone stared at Yang, shocked at her snap.

"You're...not wrong." Weiss sighed, "Fine I still don't like it but I won't complain."

Yang smiled, satisfied.

"Back to what Wyoming said, he said it was their job...The command? Do you think that's Commands job?" Ren asked.

Jaune hummed, "I don't know."

"It makes some sense." Blake said, "Still doesn't explain the point of the Reds and Blues or the freelancers but it makes sense that Command was working to stop this war."

"I wish we knew more about the war. It was literally mentioned in one episode." Yang complained.

"Ren was it talked about in the mini series?" Ruby asked.

Ren shrugged, "If it was I didn't write it in my notes."

 **Church: "Yeah well good luck. Now that we have you, all we need to do is stop O'Malley. And Tex will be** _ **more**_ **than happy to do that."**

Everyone nodded and grinned.

"Tex is going to kick some ass." Yang grinned.

**Wyoming: "Oh on the contrary, my friend. Now that she knows our plan, not only will she not stop us; our dear Tex is going to help us."**

"Yeah right." Yang chuckled nervously.

**Church: "Oh yeah. I'm sure she'd be happy to help O'Malley. I'n't that right Tex. Tex?"**

Yang's grin fell and so did everyone else's.

**Tex: "He's right. This is Freelancer Tex, broadcasting on a open channel."**

"What!" Yang shouted, "No! why?"

"She's going to let O'Malley in." Ren silently gasped.

"Traitor!" Nora shouted.

"I- wow." Blake said at a loss for words.

"Play it!" Nora shouted angrily.

**Church: "Tex! What are you doing?"**

**Tex: "You want me O'Malley? Come and get me"**

**The screen faded to black.**

"I- I don't know what to say." Blake said still in shock.

Yang groaned with her head in her hands. "Why Tex? You were such a badass."

"Amazing twist that's all I have to say." Jaune said.

Ren and Blake nodded.

"I didn't think Tex would betray them." Ruby sighed.

"Well, she wants to end the war." Pyrrha explained.

"Yeah but...do the ends justify the means? Infecting a kid and using a religion against an entire race." Weiss explained.

"No. That does not justify the means." Pyrrha stated firmly.

"I'm uhh, I'm gonna play the next one." Jaune said stuttering slightly.

"Repent the end is near indeed." Ren commented right as Jaune hit play.

**—Criminals SS— Not Canon**

"It feels like I'm watching a comic." Mercury commented.

"A comic? Really? So childish." Emerald sighed.

"What? I like comics, especially X-Ray and Vav." Mercury explained.

"I still can't stand watching this show, how is it like a comic?" Emerald asked.

"Cause it's in a video game." Mercury explained.

"A what!?" Emerald asked shocked.

A tiny hand flicked the back of Emeralds head. Mismatched eyes filled with glee as Emerald angrily turned around.

"Listen here you little bitch if you do that again I will make you regret it!" Emerald shouted.

"Don't make a threat you can't keep." Mercury advised in a cocky voice.

"Don't you start! I've had it with this stupid show and did you not remember what Cinder said?" Emerald asked.

The door opened, "Yes Mercury, did you forget?" Cinder asked coldly.

Mercury sat up and stuttered, "I- I uh sorry ma'am uh you told us to...watch the show?"

Emerald smirked.

"Emerald." Cinder said causing said girl to snap to attention. "Explain to Mercury what he forgot."

"To report everything about the show to you Ma'am." Emerald said smugly.

Cinder nodded, "Yes. So explain to me why you didn't tell me about this show being in a video game?"

Neo grinned behind Mercury as she saw him shake a little bit.

"I didn't think it was important." Mercury sighed.

Cinder sighed, "It isn't, but all information could be useful for an unknown no matter how small. So next time report to me."

Mercury nodded.

"So. How has our new arrival been?" Cinder asked.

Mercury and Emerald groaned.

"She has been a nightmare. It's only been a day or two but it's felt like forever." Mercury groaned.

"Impossible bitch." Emerald mumbled.

Neo smirked and tilted her head at Cinder, she knew Cinder needed her and knew she didn't have to answer to her.

Cinder gave her a poker face look back. "All three of you are to behave and not raise any suspicion towards yourselves. That will have to wait until the vytal festival." Cinder smirked glancing at Mercury, specifically his pogo legs.

All three had evil grins.

"Are you here to join us?" Mercury asked.

"We're almost to the finale which I hope is the series finale and not just the season finale." Emerald sighed.

Cinder pondered for a bit. "Hmm maybe I will notice something. Yes catch me up a bit. On the whole show I need a refresher."

"Stupid shit, stupid shit but with an AI, stupid shit time travel. Stupid shit I forgot. And stupid shit alien baby." Mercury summarized.

"Emerald catch me up." Cinder said glaring at Mercury.

Mercury shrugged and chuckled, he liked the show but...it was still stupid.

* * *

**Request: please be more critical of my work tell me what I do wrong and shit you don't like I wanna improve my story don't be nice. Tell me what you like so I keep doing it and tell me what you don't like so I fix it.**

**Question: Episode 100 is coming up so does anyone have any questions you want them to answer about the show? Favorite character, favorite moment, favorite team, favorite song etc. give me your suggestions I would really appreciate them.**

**Next chapter is from an ep 20 minutes long and a finale so it will take a while so please tell me how to improve my work and give suggestions.**


	101. S5E100 Why Were We Here?

**Author's Note:**

**The day has come, Episode 100. Holy shit. I just wanted to thank everyone for all the love and support but a bigger thanks will be in the next chapter. The next chapter will be the alternate endings.**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 101- Why Were We Here**

"I still can't believe Tex is betraying them." Yang mumbled. "I did like that her guitar theme played at the end of the last episode though."

"I just can't believe she's siding with O'Malley, her whole goal after O'Malley left her head was to kill him." Jaune added.

Ren nodded, "It's because of the War. I wish we knew more about it." Ren sighed.

Weiss and Blake nodded in agreement.

"Play the episode already! We've waited long enough." Nora ordered.

Jaune nodded, "Episode 100 here we go."

" **Why Were We Here" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

"Definitely the finale." Ren commented.

"I love the callback title." Jaune added.

"Me too, I hope this isn't the series finale." Pyrrha smiled.

 **Fade in to the Reds hunting down Caboose in their** **jeep** **Warthog** **Puma. Caboose is hiding behind a tree.**

**Simmons: "Hey Caboooose."**

**Grif: "Caboooose."**

**Simmons: "Come out so I can shoot you ya** _**fuckstick!"** _

Pyrrha sighed, "I miss when they worked together."

Yang chuckled, "I like the fighting."

"You're an evil person." Ruby sighed.

Yang just chuckled.

"...I like the fighting too." Weiss mumbled.

**Grif: "Where did Caboose go?"**

**Sarge: "I don't see 'im. Caboose!"**

**Simmons: "Come out Caboose, all we wanna do is shoot you!"**

"Is this some really bad form of reverse psychology?" Weiss asked.

Blake shrugged, "Maybe."

**Caboose: "Don't listen to them, it's a trick!"**

Pyrrha sighed.

**The Warthog's radio starts picking up the Blues**

**Tex: "This is Freelancer Tex**

**broadcasting on an open channel."**

"All Omega has to do now is leave Captain Flowers." Ren pointed out.

**Church: "This is Private Church broadcasting on an open channel."**

"Wow. He's willing to let O'Malley infect him." Pyrrha gasped.

"That's weirdly heroic for him." Weiss commented.

"Not really, he loves Tex." Blake explained.

"Church is my favorite character again." Ruby grinned.

**Grif: "Why are the Blues on the radio?"**

**Simmons: "Who knows? Hey Blues, shut the fuck up, get off our radios and quit running our batteries down!"**

**O'Malley shoots in to Simmons' open radio frequency.**

"Hmm Caboose started hating Caboose and became extremely angry when Omega infected him. Doc wanted to conquer the world and basically had a split personality. I wonder what will happen with Simmons." Ren commented.

"Wait what happens with Tex?" Nora asked.

"Hmm, I don't know, the show never showed her acting strange." Ren explained.

**Omega/Simmons: "Do it now, or I will kill every last one of you! And then everyone else here as well! Just to prove a point! Mahahahahahahaha!"**

"Just to prove a point." Weiss repeated shaking her head.

"Sounds like a very evil Simmons thing to say." Yang laughed.

"Evil Simmons! Ohh whenever someone is infected with O'Malley we should call them evil whoever they are." Nora suggested.

Ruby perked up, "Ohh I like that idea."

**Grif: "Whoa Simmons, hey. Don't you think that was a little over the top?"**

**Omega/Simmons: "Suck it you fool!"**

**Sarge: "And what's wrong with your voice?"**

**Omega/Simmons: "Nothing. Why does something have to be wrong with** _ **my**_ **voice? Maybe something's wrong with** _ **your**_ **voice. Ever think about that,** _ **cocksucker?"**_

Yang and Weiss started laughing.

**Grif: "Um, you do know that's Sarge you're talking to, right?"**

"It would be a lot more surprising if it was actually Simmons talking." Weiss commented.

"Sarge is going to be pissed." Nora laughed.

**Simmons: "I mean cocksucker, Sir!"**

Everyone chuckled.

**Omega: "Muahaha, hahaha."**

**Cut to the Blues, and Tex executing the last Wyoming**

**Church: "This is Private Church broadcasting on an open channel."**

**Wyoming: "ahhh!"**

**Tex: "What are you doing?"**

"Being a hero." Ruby smiled.

 **Church: "I'm making** _ **you**_ **harder to find. Tucker! Turn on your radio!"**

Ren leaned forward about to say something.

**Tucker: "Fuhuck that! If O'Malley gets me he'll get the sword."**

Ren leaned back relieved.

**Church: "Attention all Blues! Turn on your radio and start broadcasting right now!"**

**Caboose: "Okay, I'm on the radio too now!** _ **This is fun!**_ **What do you want to talk about?"**

"I don't want Caboose infected again." Pyrrha sighed.

**Church: "Well, he can't find you now Tex."**

**Tex: "Don't get involved Church. Omega wants me, he can** _ **have**_ **me."**

Yang frowned.

**Church: "Why, so you can kidnap Tucker's kid? And enslave an entire race?"**

"Wrong, just wrong." Blake commented.

Everyone else nodded.

**Tucker: "Yeah what's up with that, bitch?"**

**Tex: "We have to win the war, Church."**

"All we know is it's humans vs aliens but nothing else." Jaune sighed.

"It could just be because they're different." Blake shrugged. "When groups of people meet each other and find out they're very different they almost always fight."

"Or at least are hostile towards one another." Ren added.

**Church: "Well what about after? You think Omega's just gonna stop after he gets a whole species for an army? He's gonna take over everything Tex, and you're not gonna be able to stop him!"**

"...He has a great point." Ren pointed out.

**Tex: "I guess we'll find out."**

**Cut to Doc calling Church over the radio.**

**Doc: "hehey, uh Church? It's Doc. Yeah uh, you remember that Blue Leader guy down here?Well uh he's just keeled over. So I- I think O'Malley's on his way. Just FYI."**

"Wow great warning." Weiss said sarcastically.

**Church: "Tex, shut off your radio."**

**Tex: "I would get away from me if I were you."**

"It doesn't look like she actually wants Omega to infect her again." Ruby commented.

"More like she feels she has to do it." Pyrrha added.

**Church: "Doc, any idea where he went?"**

**Doc: "I have no idea. And that alien buddy of his took off with Junior too. If you want I could look for them on this computer down here."**

**One of the slides on the computer screen showed the Alien's.**

"Ohh! Did anyone else see that?" Ruby asked.

Everyone else nodded.

**Church: "Com** _**pu** _ **ter? What?"**

**Doc: "Yeah. It's showing us the whole canyon. What's with all the dead white guys?"**

**Church: "What computer? W- whatever, listen. Just keep looking for him, and tell me if you find him."**

**Doc: "Okay."**

**Sister: "Hey uh, shouldn't you try to help this guy?"**

Pyrrha, Blake, and Weiss nodded.

**Doc: "What?"**

**Sister: "Aren't you, like the Medic or something?"**

**Doc: "Yeah okay whatever, shut up you talk too much."**

"Asshole." Yang mumbled.

**Sister: "Hey! You think I could use this thing to check MySpace?"**

"Hmm probably some kind of

Social media platform." Ren commented.

**Cut to the Blues initiating a Mexican standoff between Tex, Church, and Tucker.**

**Church: "Tex, is he in there?"**

"Why would she answer?" Nora asked.

"If I was Tex I would lie." Blake said matter of factly.

**Tex: "No. Is he in you?"**

**Church: "Bullshit, I think you're lying. I think that-"**

**Omega/Simmons: "Nothing, why does something have to be wrong with** _ **my**_ **voice? Maybe something's wrong with** _ **your**_ **voice. You ever think about that cocksucker?"**

" _ **Good Fight" by Trocadero starts playing.**_

**Tex runs over Church and heads for the Reds**

"Oh this song is cool." Jaune commented.

"Ehh, I don't know." Yang mumbled.

"I wish it was a Rock and Pop mix." Ruby commented.

"I just want a Rock and Dubstep mix." Yang explained.

"I like the music the way it is." Jaune shrugged.

"Metal but without the screaming and a message or story." Blake explained.

"Loud and full of energy!" Nora shouted.

"I would love calming and peaceful themes in between scenes or as background music." Ren explained.

"I don't mind the music the way it is." Pyrrha explained.

"I'd like classical and opera." Weiss explained.

"Literally the _worst_ kind of music." Yang commented.

Weiss frowned, "You like dubstep."

"Dubstep is awesome." Yang explained.

"Classical and Opera are beautiful. I do like some opera and pop mixes however." Weiss explained.

"Yeah! Pop for the win." Ruby cheered.

**Church: "Fuck! Tucker, stop her!"**

**Tucker tosses a grenade at Tex and misses, and we cut to the Reds, with Donut showing up on the ghost.**

**Grif: "Hey, who are you calling a buffoon? I am not a buffoon. I don't even know what a buffoon is!"**

"A type of Grimm right?" Ruby asked.

"Well...kind of because of the Beringel's resemblance to apes." Ren explained.

"I always thought it was weird how Grimm look like animals." Jaune commented.

"Evil animals." Nora added.

"Well they're monsters...and monsters do kind of look like animals." Ruby explained.

"People can be monsters too." Blake commented. "Like Torchwick."

Ren nodded, "There are a bunch of theories about where Grimm came from. Grimm have been around for as long as history remembers and-"

"This isn't class cut to the chase please." Yang cut in.

Ren nodded, "Ancient cultures believed Grimm were animals possessed by evil spirits or are actually spirits of tortured animals but that theory has been dismissed because of the newer Grimm discovered that don't look like animals."

"New Grimm are always being discovered." Jaune sighed.

"New Grimm to fight and kill!" Nora shouted confidently.

Everyone chuckled and smiled.

"Other theories are just based on fairy tales, not much is known of their origin." Ren finished.

"...Well what do you think?" Ruby asked.

"What?" Ren asked.

"How do you think the Grimm were created?" Ruby asked.

Ren shrugged, "When I was younger I thought that Grimm were created from humanities feelings of grim. Specifically that feeling where you want everything to end. And Grimm are the embodiment of that."

Everyone was silent, Nora calmly put a hand on Ren's shoulder.

"That was dark." Blake commented.

Ren shrugged, "Conversations about Grimm always are. What do you think Ruby?"

Ruby shrugged, "I don't know, All I know is that Grimm put everyone in danger."

"When I was really young I used to think Grimm were just misunderstood." Blake chuckled sadly shaking her head at her past innocence. "That stopped quickly though."

"You would think after so many years we would know more." Jaune sighed.

Ren nodded, "If we did the Grimm would be less of a threat. The unknown is scary."

Ruby nodded, "Reminds me of Doctor Oobleck. That's basically his whole reason for being a teacher. The unknown is scary so it's his goal to educate people so they know more and aren't afraid anymore."

"It's a noble goal." Pyrrha added smiling. "Doctor Oobleck is my favorite teacher."

"Mine too." Ruby smiled, then she frowned in thought. "Wait, does Professor Ozpin count as a teacher? He doesn't really teach normally."

"He's a professor so...yeah." Jaune nodded.

"Professor Ozpin is my favorite teacher." Ruby grinned.

"Dr. Oobleck is mine." Yang explained.

"Mine too." Blake added. "He isn't afraid to talk about modern issues."

"He isn't as mean or as boring as Goodwitch and Port." Jaune added.

"He's so fast!" Nora smiled.

"He's very smart and understand what he's talking about." Ren added. "But Ozpin is very wise. Professor Ozpin is my favorite teacher."

"I like professor Goodwitch." Weiss smiled.

"Of course you do." Yang sighed. "Strict and mean."

"Helpful and encouraging." Weiss corrected.

"Can we get back to the episode?" Nora asked.

**Sarge: "Both o' ya shut up."**

**Grif: "Seriously, what is that. Some kinda monkey? It's a monkey isn't it."**

**Omega/Simmons: "You fool!"**

**Church: "Hey Reds!"**

**Sarge: "Freeze, you dirty Blue!"**

**Sarge cocks his shotgun.**

**Church: "N-n-n-n-n-no. Hey, I'm here to help. Omega's on the loose, and I think he's infected one of your guys."**

**Sarge: "Infected? Initiate Emergency Plan Delta, men!"**

Weiss sighed, whatever this plan was it couldn't be good.

**Sarge turns and shoots Grif in the stomach with his shotgun**

"Thought so." Weiss mumbled.

**Grif: "Ow! What the fuck!?"**

Everyone else started laughing.

**Church: "I didn't say who-"**

**Grif: "Ow!"**

"Took a shotgun blast straight to the chest, Grif is stronger than I thought." Pyrrha commented.

"If he wasn't so lazy he would be a great soldier." Weiss commented.

**Church: "I think it's actually Simmons."**

**Donut: "That's okay, that's how** _ **all**_ **our emergency plans begin."**

"Worst unit ever." Weiss sighed.

"Of all time." Blake added.

**Simmons runs up to the jeep turret as Grif gets back up, after Sarge hits him in the ribs with the butt end of his shotgun once for good measure**

**Sarge: "Simmons, get off that gun right now!"**

**Omega/Simmons: "No!"**

**Sarge: "What did you say to me?"**

**O'Malley: "I said no, hahaha! How do you like that?** _**No!"** _

"Does anyone else Notice Tex in the background?" Blake asked.

"No, it's blurry I wish the graphics were better." Yang sighed.

"The game is old from our guess remember?" Jaune asked.

Ruby nodded, "Yeah games look way better now, so if their universe-"

Weiss huffed.

"-Is anything like ours this game would be around 14 years old." Ruby finished.

**Sarge: "Well since you asked, I don't like it at all!"**

**Omega/Simmons: "Fi-irst, I'm going to kill** _ **you**_ **. And then my plan to be leader of the Reds will be complete! After that I'm going to kill** _ **every being in the Universe.**_ **From now on, everyone will kiss** _ **my**_ **ass, hahahahaha!"**

"Evil Simmons is weird." Nora commented.

**Church: "Uh, yeah, it's definitely Simmons that got infected."**

**Sarge: "Well no shit. Donut! Initiate Emergency Plan Traitorous Simmons Number Eleven!"**

"I wonder if he made these plans after Simmons switched to blue team for a while." Jaune wondered aloud.

Yang, Blake, and Weiss laughed.

"Probably." Yang answered.

**Donut: "On it Sir!"**

**Donut turns toward Grif and fires his battle rifle into his chest.**

**Grif: "Ow-how-how-how. *gagging sounds*"**

**Grif writhes on the ground in pain.**

"And a rifle shot to the chest wow." Pyrrha added.

**Sarge: "Donut! I said plan** _**eleven!"** _

**Donut: "Where am I gonna get a steamroller?"**

"Way too over the top." Weiss commented.

**Sarge: "Simmons, do not fire that weapon. That's an order!"**

**Omega/Simmons: "Too late Sarge! Simmons is getting a promotion. Mahaha, mua-"**

**Tex finishes creeping up on Simmons and knocks the O'Malley out of him.**

Blake burst out laughing.

**Omega/Simmons: "Ow, the back of my lower legs! Ow, the side of my head! The back of my face! The front of my front!"**

"I love how they reuse jokes. It's never boring or lazy." Jaune laughed.

**Tucker: "Hey Church, I think Tex is over here!"**

"No shit." Yang said sarcastically.

**Church: "Thanks for the update!"**

**Sarge: "Tex I know now might not be the best time, but I'd really like you to consider coming over to the Red team. Technically you know black is just a really dark shade of red. We'll talk later."**

"Technically he's right." Ren commented.

**Caboose: "Church, are we still talking on the radio?"**

Pyrrha sighed knowing what would happen next.

**O'Malley returns through the air to Caboose via radio**

**Omega/Caboose: "Muhahahahaha! 'Cause I'd love to talk on the radio. What? What am I doing in this idiot?"**

"Evil Caboose!" Nora shouted.

Pyrrha huffed.

**Tex runs toward Caboose, then dumps her body, and Spirit Tex enters Caboose. (Actually not Spirit Tex it's the Beta AI but shh spoilers!)**

**Omega/Caboose: "Hegagergerk!"**

**Church: "Heuh, crap. Sarge, I need you to do me a favour. If I'm not outta there in ten minutes, I'm gonna need you to disable that ship. 'Cause if Tex gets out of here with O'Malley and that kid, there's no one that's gonna be able to stop her."**

"The stakes got raised so high." Blake commented.

Jaune nodded, "It went from just having O'Malley in your head to losing a major war to an evil AI."

**Sarge: "What the hell was he talkin' about?"**

**Tucker: "Oh. Tex and Omega have some kind of stupid plan to enslave the whole alien race. But Church thinks if she does, she's gonna become the Queen of the Universe or some shit."**

"O'Malley would become the king or emperor possessing Junior right?" Ruby asked.

"I think Theocratic Dictator would be the correct term." Ren explained.

**Donut: "*gasp* Queen of the Universe? No one even told me we were having a competition!"**

Nora gasped "Ohh! New compet-"

"No!" Ice Queen Weiss shouted. "No I won that competition for Queen of Toon RRAYNNBW fair and square."

"A queen afraid of usurpers is no queen at all!" Nora shouted. "I'm queen of the castle!"

Ren motioned for Jaune to play while he grabbed Nora's arm.

**Cut to Church popping in to the derelict metal that is apparently the inside of Caboose's head**

Jaune laughed, "I forgot about this."

"Another look into Caboose's mind." Pyrrha chuckled.

**Church: "Oh crap."**

**Cut to the real world**

**Sarge: "What in Sam Hell just happened here?"**

"Sarge has the weirdest curses." Yang commented.

"Don't use them." Ruby sighed.

**Grif: "I'll tell you what happened, my own fucking teammate-"**

**Simmons walks up and shoots Grif in the side of the head**

**Grif: "** _**Ow!"** _

"And a shot to the head." Pyrrha said. "Wow."

**Sarge: "Nice to have you back Simmons."**

**Simmons: "Thank you Sir, good to** _ **be**_ **back! Cocksucker."**

"Hmm Omega left an imprint of Simmons too." Ren commented.

**Sarge: "Alright then, let's go blow up that ship."**

"No! Sheila!" Nora shouted.

"Sheila is so cool, I wish she was back in the tank." Ruby sighed.

"It would be better if she did what Caboose wanted in episode three." Jaune chuckled.

"What- ohh! Yeah just put tank guns on the ship!" Ruby grinned.

**Tucker: "Hey, Church said to wait 'til he gets out."**

**Sarge: "Well that's a nice idea son, but blowin' up stuff ain't a democracy. Simmons, where can we get some explosives?"**

"They found Andy didn't they?" Yang asked.

Weiss nodded.

**Simmons: "Well, if you recall, we recently saw Andy the bomb and Lopez in one of the caves. So-"**

**Sarge: "Of course! Come on men! Let's got ask** _ **Lopez**_ **if he knows where we can find some explosives!"**

Weiss sighed and facepalmed.

**Simmons: "*sigh* Excellent plan Sir."**

"Kissass." Yang mumbled.

**Back to Church in the depreciation that is Caboose's inner workings**

**Church: "Man, this place has** _ **really**_ **gone to Hell. I guess maintenance isn't a priority. Caboose! Tex! Anyone in here!? What was that? Caboose? Tex? Omega?"**

**Cut to show Mental Simmons behind Church.**

**Mental Simmons: "Freeze! Look! I capture someone! I am the best! I mean, I'm the best one that isn't Caboose!"**

Pyrrha chuckled.

**Mental Grif: "(voice all scratchy) Great job Simon!"**

**Mental Simmons: "Thanks orangish guy whose name I really don't remember."**

"Oh look, he used to think Grif was Yellow and now he know's he's orange." Pyrrha pointed out.

"I used to think he was Yellow and I always spelled his name Griff with two F's." Ren explained.

**Mental Donut: "(female voice) Let's all go shopping to celebrate."**

"Still thinks Donut is a girl though." Yang laughed.

**Mental Sarge: "Arrr, let's be making him walk the plank."**

"That accent is so weird." Ruby commented.

"Sounds Vacuan." Blake commented.

**Church: "Oh. Hey Reds. Hey have you guys seen Omega or Tex?"**

**Mental Simmons: "Stop asking questions you! We don't like questions in here. Thinking of answers makes people's heads hurt."**

"Yeah! I should not go to class because of medical issues." Nora grinned at her foolproof plan.

"No." Ren answered simply.

**Mental Tucker drops in from above**

**Mental Tucker: "Hey guys, what's up?"**

**Church: "** _ **Tuc**_ **ker, how did** _ **you**_ **get in here?"**

**Mental Tucker: "I'm in here all the time. I have this sword now. You might think it's cool but it isn't. Nobody wants to play with it because it's dumb, and even though I don't let people play with it no one cares anyway. Because it's dumb."**

"Oh is that why he hates Tucker? Because he can't use his sword?" Ruby asked.

"Jealousy." Yang said simply.

**Church: "Oh, right. Tucker."**

**Mental Tucker: "Also I'm stupid and ugly. And my butt stinks.** _**Like a butt."** _

**Church: "Alright okay, okay, guys listen. I need you to take me, to Mister Caboose, can you do that?"**

"It would be interesting to go into someones mind." Ren commented. "And see how they view others."

"That would start a lot of drama." Yang commented.

"Yeah, among immature people." Weiss explained.

**Mental Simmons: "*gasp* Why would we do** _**that** _ **?"**

**Church: "Oh, uh because I am... ugh... because I'm, his best, friend."**

Yang and Ruby started laughing.

**Mental Simmons: "Oh, nice to meet you."**

**Cut to the Reds bringing Church to Mental Caboose**

**Mental Sarge: "(Australian accent)Jolly good day, Mister Caboose. We be havin' a prisoner for you we do."**

"Why did his voice change?" Nora asked.

"Can't place the accent." Blake commented.

 **Church: "I thought you had a** _ **pirate**_ **accent?"**

"Pirate accent." Ren mumbled. "Strange, I wonder why Pirates where they're from sound that way."

**Mental Sarge: "Arr, I'm not very consistent. Yurrr."**

**Church: "Caboose, hey, it's me Church."**

**Mental Caboose: "Yes. Hello Church. You must be very happy to see me."**

"Caboose is always so mature and I don't know, hero sounding in his head." Pyrrha commented.

"Everyone is the hero of their own story." Ren quoted.

Blake smiled, "I like that quote."

**Church: "Yeah, right, of course. I'm so happy I wanna fuckin' puke."**

**Mental sister walks up next to Caboose.**

**Mental Sister: "(male voice) Hey what's up."**

"Is that supposed to be Sister?" Yang asked.

"So he thinks Sister is a guy and Donut is a girl. I can understand him thinking Donut is a girl but why Sister a guy?" Jaune asked.

"Caboose is weird." Weiss explained.

**Church: "Hey who the fuck are you? Sister?"**

**Mental Sister: "Yep. I'm Sister... Church's twin brother. I came here in a spaceship, that came from the moon. It crashed next to Blue Base, and now I live with Caboose, and the people from the tail section of the spaceship, live on the other side of the island."**

"Huh?" Yang said raising an eyebrow.

"I don't know either." Pyrrha said nervously.

**Church: "What the fuck that's like wrong in eight different ways."**

**Mental Sister: "Yeah. I know. Tell me about it."**

"He sounds like a apathetic Church." Blake commented.

Yang laughed, "Passive aggressive dad."

Ruby burst out laughing.

**Church: "Caboose, do you ever listen, to anything that we tell you?"**

**Mental Caboose: "New Church is my best friend."**

**New Church: "I would argue with that too, but... what's the point."**

**Mental Tucker: "Did I mention that I had a baby but I won't tell anyone how babies are made? Not that it matters because everyone knows how anyway. Stupid** _**babies!"** _

"I thought Church was going to read him a book about it." Yang commented.

"I'm glad they never followed through with that." Weiss said relieved.

"It would be amazing, Church giving Caboose the talk." Yang cracked up.

Jaune snorted, "That would be amazing."

The two continued to laugh.

**Church: "Okay enough. Has anybody seen Tex or Omega? I'm in kind of a rush."**

**Mental Simmons: "I haven't, but you know who might know? Those two new people that we saw fighting over by the ramps. We could ask** _**them."** _

"Fighting? Good." Yang grinned.

**Church: "Okay. Let's go do that."**

**Cut to Church spying on Tex and Omega, both in black armour, quietly conversing.**

Yang frowned when she saw they weren't fighting.

**Church: "Oh shit, they're not fighting, that's bad for me. Alright Tucker quick, I need you to jump out there, and kill'em with your sword. If they die in here, they get forced out of Caboose's head."**

**Tucker: "No way that sounds scary, you do it. I wanna get back to my busy day smelling butts."**

Pyrrha chuckled and sighed at Caboose's mental image of Tucker.

**Church: "Dude I can't, your sword only works for y- ...Wait a minute. There's no possible way he understands that, fuck it give me the sword dude."**

"Oh cool!" Ruby grinned.

"I just want that sword." Jaune sighed.

**Cut to Sarge dropping off Andy and Lopez next to the ship**

**Sarge: "Okay Andy, we're gonna need you to get in that ship and explode. You think you can take out the whole thing?"**

"Didn't he just say disable?" Jaune asked.

"Exploding is disabling." Nora pointed out.

**Andy: "You bet! Just say the word and I'll detonate. Man, this is gonna be** _**great!"** _

Yang laughed, "Andy is technically a suicide bomber."

**Sheila: "Hello Lopez."**

"Oh yeah I forgot she had a thing for Lopez." Yang laughed.

**Lopez: "¿Sheila? ¿El es tú?"**

**Caption: Sheila? Is it you?**

**Sheila: "Yes. It is good to see you again."**

**Andy: "Hoh, Lopez! Looks like your girlfriend's put on a little weight!"**

Everyone frowned.

"Jackass." Blake mumbled.

"What a dick." Yang added.

**Donut: "Andy, that's rude."**

Everyone nodded.

**Andy: "What? You were all thinkin' it. I mean, I'm just saying. Someone should seriously consider switchin' to unleaded."**

"Having my Crescent Rose unleaded made her soooo much easier to carry." Ruby commented.

"You could have built up more muscles and the added weight could have given your blows more power." Yang pointed out.

"My muscles are fine!" Ruby blushed.

"Your arms are like pencils." Yang pointed out.

"W- guys don't like muscles!" Ruby pointed out.

"Some _girls_ and a lot of guys do." Yang pointed out.

**Cut back to the Tex-Omega conference inside Caboose's head**

**Tex: "But I have your word that none of them will be hurt."**

"It's good that she doesn't want the Reds and Blues to be hurt but I don't think O'Malley will honor their deal." Pyrrha sighed.

**Church: "Tex get away from him!"**

**Church draws the sword and charges O'Malley, killing him**

**Church: "Fa-Stab! Booyeah!"**

"He finally got his wish to use Tucker's sword." Jaune chuckled.

**Tex: "NO! DAMNIT CHURCH!"**

**Tex levels her rifle at Church but misses, and Church runs up and kills her with the sword too.**

"He's better than Tucker." Jaune said amazed.

 **Church: "** _ **Awe**_ **some, I'm like a fuckin' Jedi. Aw fuck they're both dead. Quick, somebody kill me. Quick, hurry please, somebod-** _ **anybody!**_ **Please, just fucking kill me!"**

Blake laughed, "Out of context that would be weird."

"Hmm what's a Jedi?" Ren asked quietly.

**Mental Simmons: "Why?"**

**Church: "Because I need to get outta here, come on please, hurry, quick just kill me please! Hurry it'll be fun, I'm a dick."**

Blake continued to laugh.

**Mental Simmons: "None of our guns work, we just have them for show."**

**Mental Donut: "Mine is just a purse."**

"Ohh like Coco's gun." Ruby commented.

**Church: "Gah, you know, never mind."**

**Church picks up some fallen frag grenades and throws one at his own feet.**

**New Church: "Hey can I ask you one quick que-"**

**The grenade explodes, killing both Church and New Church, and Church returns to the real world**

**Church: "Caboose, what happened?"**

"Did mental Sister get killed too?" Weiss asked.

"New church and yeah." Jaune answered.

**Caboose: "Tex appeared out of nowhere and beat up Tucker** _**which was awesome** _ **, and took his sword. Also, someone may have been surprised by that, and peed his pants, just a little bit. Or a lot."**

Pyrrha sighed.

**Church: "I was only behind them like thirty seconds, what the fuck where is she!?"**

**Caboose: "She took the sword and a Wyoming helmet to the ship. I think she went to the ship to save Tucker's kid. He's on the ship too now."**

"That's bad." Jaune commented.

"Hmm why would he take Wyoming's helmet?" Ren wondered.

"Maybe that's where the armor ability is, like Tex's invisibility." Ruby suggested.

Ren gasped, "Omega with the ability to time travel. That's bad."

 **Church: "** _ **Fuck!**_ **What about O'Malley, where's he?"**

 **Omega/Donut: "Uhuhuhuha! That's the problem with living in a Patriarchal society; men just automatically assume** _ **they know everything.**_ **Hahaha!"**

"So the theory of a patriarchal society is true." Ren commented.

"Well they did make a joke about it so it's probably not accepted." Yang pointed out.

Ren nodded, "A society that oppresses a large group of people is an inherently unstable society."

**Church: "Never mind."**

**New Church pops in to the real world next to a fallen Wyoming.**

"Hmmm." Ren hummed thinking.

**New Church: "Huh? What is this place? Hey buddy, are you okay? What's that noise?"**

**Wyoming's time loop mechanism triggers, sending New Church, who is yellow, back to the army of time-looped Churches on Sidewinder.**

Yang gasped, "Ohhhh! So he didn't ask for a golden shower like I thought."

Ruby gagged, "Groooosssss!"

Jaune groaned, "I forgot about that why did you make me remember."

Ren shook his head, "Ignoring Yang's theory it is interesting to finally know what Yellow Church did."

**Yellow Church: "..."**

**Churches: "..."**

**Yellow Church: "Well fuck."**

"Do you think one of Church's plans to survive the blast was to hide in Caboose's head?" Jaune asked.

"Hmm, maybe but it contradicts a few things." Ren explained.

**Cut to Agent Florida walking up to Tucker with a needler rifle.**

**Agent Florida: "Hello fellas, how's everything going out here?"**

"Ohhh whats that gun?" Ruby asked analyzing it. "What are those purple spikes?"

"Why do you care about the w- never mind you're you." Weiss sighed, "Looks like Flowers is ok."

"He's not evil flowers anymore." Nora grinned.

**Tucker: "Not good. Hey, you don't sound evil any more."**

**Agent Florida: "Thanks for noticing Private, yeah, being possessed by an evil force can be difficult at times, but with a little hard work, and positive thinking, you can overcome anything."**

"I love how positive he is." Ruby smiled.

"Me too." Pyrrha added.

**As the conversation continues random sniper shots hit the grassy mound behind Florida**

Blake's eyes snapped to the bullet hole in the ground. "Someone's shooting at them." She pointed out.

"It's probably just stray bullets from somewhere else." Yang pointed out. "No one besides Church is that bad of a shot."

**Tucker: "I think you mean hard work, positive thinking, and no longer being useful as a pawn in their evil plan."**

**Agent Florida: "Hyeah, that too. So, who are we fighting today?"**

**Tucker: "Uh, you know, the usual. Tex, Red Team-"**

**Agent Florida: "Red Team, those old rascals. Some things never change. They still wearing red armor these days?"**

**Tucker: "Umm, yeah."**

**Agent Florida: "Oh, Red Team."**

**Tucker: "Hey, I could use some help."**

"I'm glad we get to see more of Flowers, we only saw him for two episodes before he got possessed by O'Malley." Blake commented.

**Agent Florida: "You bet. And I have some information about the Reds that will guarantee our victory."**

Everyone leaned forward.

**Tucker: "You do?!"**

**Agent Florida: "Ahai certainly do. Would you like to hear it?"**

"Yes." Jaune mumbled.

**Tucker: "Yeah I wanna hear it!"**

**Agent Florida: "Great! Because I'm just about to tell you!"**

**Tucker: "..."**

**Flowers: "..."**

Ren sighed guessing what was going to happen.

**Tucker: "Okay, why aren't you telling me?"**

**Agent Florida: "Good question. I seem to be dramatically pausing for some-"**

**BOOM, HEADSHOT!**

**Agent Florida: "Hurk, bleah."**

Ren and Jaune groaned while everyone else gasped.

"I knew they were trying to kill Flowers." Blake commented.

"He was so optimistic." Ruby sighed.

Pyrrha sighed in agreement.

**Tucker: "Well good riddance. I wasn't giving this armor back anyway."**

Pyrrha shook her head.

**Cut to Sarge, Grif and Sarge holding guns on the O'Malleyed Donut**

**Simmons: "Wuho easy Donut. You've been infected by a computer virus, and we just need to figure out what to do about it."**

"It's weird thinking about a person being infected by a computer virus." Jaune commented.

 **Omega/Donut: "Wuhuhuhaa, huha! No! It's** _ **my**_ **body! It's** _ **my**_ **choice! And another thing: why do I do as much work as you guys, but I only make ninety-two percent-"**

**Tex beats Donut in the back of the head and knocks him down.**

"It's my body it's my choice? What do you think he was talking about?" Ruby asked.

Ren shrugged, "No idea."

**Sarge: "Hey, don't hit my soldiers without my permission."**

**Omega/Sarge: "I'm the one who gets to hit my soldiers. Wahahaha, yeah! Eat lead, world. Drop and give me infinity."**

"Evil Sarge is awesome!" Nora cheered.

**Grif: "Sarge, you've finally gone crazy."**

**Tex vanishes and reappears behind Sarge, knocking him down, and O'Malley shoots in to Grif**

**O'Malley: "Whoa, that's weird. I have a sudden urge to conquer the Universe. Which is odd for me because, well that would take actual** _**work** _ **... I think I'll just fall asleep instead."**

**Grif actually falls asleep inside his armor**

"Wow, Grif's laziness beat O'Malley" Yang laughed.

**Doc: "We're here, is anyone hurt?"**

**O'Malley moves back to Doc**

**Omega/Doc: "Anyone need to be killed? Huhuhahahahuhuhuh!"**

**Church: "I know that laugh! Nobody move!"**

**O'Malley moves to Church**

**Church: "You know uh... I don't really feel all that different. Mha, mhu mha, mhu mhu, mhuh. Uh, nuh, feels pretty much the same, that's, that's kinda weird, ah, amean, expected more-"**

"Hmm? O'Malley has no affect on Church. He also seemed to have no affect on Tex but that could just be that we didn't see it." Ren mumbled.

"Wait. Didn't Church talk about how Omega made Tex meaner and tougher?" Jaune pointed out.

Ren snapped his fingers, "You're right thanks Jaune. So that again begs the question. Why does Omega not affect Church?"

Everyone shrugged.

**Tex hits Church in the back of the head, and O'Malley jumps back in to her. Beeps can be heard like in season 1.**

**Church: "Where'd he go, where'd he go? Is he gone? ...Tex?"**

**Tex: "Church run!"**

"No." Yang mumbled.

**Church: "Tex,** _**don't!"** _

**Omega/Tex: "You have no idea what kind of trouble you are in. Nahah!"**

"No!" Yang shouted.

"Evil Tex." Nora mumbled shaking her head.

"Why? I love Tex." Yang sighed.

"I hope they can save her." Ruby added.

Yang nodded.

**Omega/Tex runs in to the ship, where some aliens are waiting, carrying the Wyoming head**

**Church: "Wait, Tex you don't want to do this!"**

"Yeah exactly." Yang agreed.

**Tex/Omega: "Sheila, are you ready?"**

**Sheila: "All systems online. Ignition coil activated. Starting thrusters."**

**Tex/Omega: "Launch when ready."**

**Sheila: "Please, take your seats. Launching in three, two, one."**

"Come on Sheila can say no and not take off." Yang pointed out.

Everyone else continued to stare at the screen.

**Church: "Tex,** _**don't, do this."** _

"He's scared he's going to lose her again." Blake gasped.

"This is season 1 all over again." Weiss added.

**Sheila: "Liftoff."**

**Tex: "Goodbye."**

Yang sighed sadly and put her chin in her hands.

**Church: "We have to stop her right now!"**

**Sarge: "No problemo Blue. Andy you there?"**

Yang frowned, "But, if he blows up-"

"Tex won't survive." Jaune finished.

"She- she might." Pyrrha tried to comfort.

**Andy: "I'm here coach!"**

**Church: "What's going on!?"**

**Andy: "Tex is hooking up Wyoming's helmet to the computer."**

"I wonder why." Ren mumbled.

**Sarge: "Ready for your job soldier?"**

**Andy: "You bet!"**

**Sarge: "Alright then son, do what you were born to do. Detonate."**

**Andy: "Hey, you want me to start from ten or three? Come on let's build it up a little bit, suspense it'll** _ **kill**_ **'em. Ten!"**

"It _will_ kill them don't!" Yang shouted.

Ruby gasped, "Junior's in there too!"

"Tex and Junior." Blake sighed.

**Church: "I told you to disable the ship-"**

**Andy: "Nine!"**

**Church: "-not destroy it!"**

**Andy: "Eight!"**

**Sarge: "Oh well, score one for the Red Team I guess."**

Yang groaned.

**Andy: "Seven!"**

**Tucker: "What about my kid?"**

Ruby and Pyrrha groaned.

**Andy: "Six!"**

**Sarge: "Oh right-"**

**Andy: "Five!"**

**Sarge: "-score two."**

Nora sighed.

**Andy: "Four!"**

**Church: "Andy! Do not-"**

**Andy: "Three!"**

**Church: "-detonate, can you see her heading?"**

**Andy: "Two!"**

**Church: "Do you know where she's going!?"**

**Andy: "One!"**

Everyone held their breath.

**The ship, having lifted off in to the air, disintegrates in a blue-green flash**

Yang grinned, "They didn't blow up! My favorite character is alive!"

**Church: "...Tex?"**

**Grif: "Boo, no explosion! That sucked."**

"Boo!" Nora shouted.

"Nora!" Yang snapped.

Nora looked down, "Sorry."

**Grif looks down and misses a great big explosion in the sky**

Yang groaned, "Why!"

Everyone sighed.

"I liked Tex." Ruby sighed, "I had just gotten used to her voice and stopped thinking of Professor Goodwitch talking."

Yang nodded in agreement.

**Sarge: "Haha, blammo!"**

**Donut: "Wow, that explosion was awesome!"**

**Grif: "What explosion, I didn't see it, do it again!"**

Nora almost spoke up but Ren put a hand on her shoulder.

**Tucker: "Uh Church, what should we do?"**

**Church: "Do whatever you want. I'm goin' home."**

"It's like seeing a less depressed dad." Yang sighed sadly.

"I'm glad he's not taking it as bad as dad." Ruby added sadly.

**Church starts walking away, and Tucker follows him**

**Tucker: "Hyeah, fuck this."**

**Simmons: "Sarge? Are... we fighting?"**

"I hope not." Pyrrha commented.

**Sarge: "No, Simmons, I think they've had their ass kicked enough for one day. Let's leave some for tomorrow."**

Nora smiled at that.

 **Camera pans up playing** " _ **Blood Gulch Blues"**_

" _ **Roses are red, and Violets are blue, one day we'll cruise down Blood Gulch avenue. It's red vs red and blue vs blue it's I against I and me against you."**_

The eight sung along after they figured out which part of the song they were in.

"I love the message in the song." Blake commented.

"It's catchy too." Jaune added.

Yang continued to hum the song in her head.

**Slowly fade to Caboose and Church on top of Blue Base**

**Caboose: "Church."**

**Church: "Yeah."**

**Caboose: "You ever wonder why we're here?"**

Everyone grinned sadly all feeling nostalgic.

**Church: "You know Caboose, I used to not care. I just went along with orders, and hoped that everything would work out for me. But after all that's happened, you know what I've learned? It's not about hating the guy on the other side because someone told you to. I mean, you should hate someone because they're an asshole or a pervert or snob, or they'r Lazy or arrogant or an idiot or know it all Those are reasons to dislike somebody. You don't hate a person because someone told you to. You have to learn to despise people on a personal level. Not because they're red, or because they're blue, but because ya know them, and you see them every single day. And you can't stand them, because they're a complete and total fucking douchebag."**

"...That's also a good message. I really like that quote." Blake smiled.

"Me too." Yang added.

"It was surprisingly deep." Ren smiled.

"I don't hate Torchwick because someone told me to, I hate him because I've met him and fought him." Blake added.

Ruby nodded.

**Caboose: "..."**

**Church: "..."**

**Caboose: "I meant why are we up here in the sun, when we could be standing down there in the shade."**

Pyrrha started chuckling, and that chuckled turned into full blown laughter.

Soon the others joined in.

**Church: "Oh. Yeah, okay, let's go stand in the shade."**

"They really are friends." Pyrrha grinned.

**Church and Caboose walk to the shade.**

**Cut to Grif and Simmons on a cliff, with Grif watching the Blues through a sniper rifle**

Jaune smiled.

**Simmons: "What're they doing?"**

**Grif: "What?"**

**Simmons: "I said what're they doing now?"**

Everyone smiled nostalgically again, each and every one of them had a slight ache remembering watching the first episode. How far they had come in just five days watching an incredible show.

**Grif: "I don't know, man, talking. That's all these guys ever do, they just stand around and talk."**

**Simmons: "... What're they talking about?"**

**Grif: "You know what? I hate you."**

**Simmons: "Yeah. I hate you too buddy."**

Everyone grinned.

"That quote perfectly describes how they all feel about each other." Blake laughedz

**Sarge: "Hey ladies, get down here! I built a new vehicle from some old Warthog parts we had laying around!"**

**Cut to show Donut, Sarge, and a mongoose down to the right.**

"Ohhh a four wheeler." Yang commented.

"I'm surprised you said that and not Ruby." Weiss laughed.

"What can I say? I love cars, especially motorcycles." Yang grinned.

**Donut: "It's an ATV! It's Hawhawsome!"**

**Sarge: "Front 'n' center on the double! We need help naming this thing. And nothin' stupid this time."**

Everyone laughed again and felt nostalgic.

"I'm understanding the title even more now." Ren commented.

Jaune nodded.

**Grif and Simmons start running down to meet Sarge and Donut**

**Simmons: "I get to name this one."**

**Grif: "Why?"**

**Simmons: "Because you named the last one."**

**Grif: "Hey Simmons? Just one thing."**

**Simmons: "What?"**

**Grif: "Shotgun!"**

**Simmons: "Fuck!"**

**The screen cut to black as he said it.**

Everyone laughed.

" _ **Colors" by Trocadero started playing**_

"Ohh a new song." Jaune smiled.

"Noooo the season is over." Nora groaned.

"That was an amazing season." Weiss smiled. "Amazing finale."

"Shhh! I wanna hear the song." Jaune shushed.

**The credits start going by but...are blurred out.**

Everyone groaned at the blurred out credits.

" _ **Cyan is, the sparkle in the sky**_

_**Yellow sun, reflected in your eye** _

_**Red flows through, the passion in your art** _

_**Cobalt blue, the wisdom in your heart"** _

"The song is about colors." Weiss commented.

Jaune nodded, "Perfect for our world today."

" _ **When we're together**_

_**Colors don't matter much to us"** _

Blake smiled at that line.

" _ **When we're together**_

_**8-bits is enough for us"** _

"8-bits is a video game thing." Ruby explained to everyone when she saw their confused looks.

"A song about playing video games together? Wow." Jaune smiled.

" _ **Corazon feathers**_

_**Flying inside the copper line** _

_**When we're together** _

_**They are yours and they are mine"** _

"This song is so sweet." Pyrrha smiled.

" _ **Dark is for, the killer that's inside"**_

"A dark turn." Blake commented.

" _ **Light surrounds, the goodness that you hide**_

_**Purple hearts, are tugging at our sleeve** _

_**We stole fire, now there's nothing left to thieve"** _

"I wish I understood the symbolism." Blake frowned.

"Fire likely means life." Weiss pointed out.

" _ **When we're together**_

_**Colors don't matter much to us** _

_**When we're together** _

_**8-bits is enough for us** _

_**Corazon feathers** _

_**Flying inside the copper line** _

_**When we're together** _

_**They are yours and they are mine"** _

_**The song ended after a guitar riff.** _

" **Red Vs Blue Season 5"**

" **The Blood Gulch Chronicles"**

**Appeared on the screen in big block letters.**

"I liked it." Jaune smiled

"I like the words not the song." Yang explained.

"What about the season? What did you guys think?" Jaune asked. "I loved this season just wow, especially the finale."

"I love Church's speech." Blake started. "It really got me thinking. It's a great way to put into words that you shouldn't judge people or hate people because someone told you to."

Weiss nodded, "I can't get it out of my head. He also gave an alternative which I love. Hate someone for a reason a legitimate reason not because someone told you to."

Blake nodded, "It was incredible, as for the season. I don't know, it was just the best so far."

"I love how our questions were answered." Ren smiled. "Not all of them however but I can deal with it."

"I feel the same as Ren, I hope that next season- well I hope there _is_ a next season." Jaune chuckled.

"I actually felt nostalgic this episode, even though I started off hating the show I grew to love it." Weiss smiled.

"I felt nostalgic too." Yang smiled.

"It was really funny." Nora shrugged, "but I actually felt sort of sad and mad sometimes."

Everyone nodded understanding.

"The saddest moment is still when Tex died but what just happened is a really close second." Blake explained.

"That was _the_ saddest moment, when she said goodbye." Nora argued.

Ren gaped at Nora, well in his head. He kept a straight face. He was genuinely shocked a show got this much of an emotional reaction out of her.

"What was your favorite moment?" Jaune asked Pyrrha.

"Hmm, When Caboose stood up to Gary in the tank." Pyrrha smiled.

"Mine was when Tucker stabbed Wyoming breaking the loop." Jaune explained.

"When Tex punched Church because she thought he shot her." Yang laughed.

Ruby laughed, "That was my favorite too."

"My favorite was when Flowers got revealed to be alive." Ren smiled.

"When Tex said goodbye." Blake added.

"Same here." Weiss said looking to Blake.

"I loved everything!" Nora smiled.

Everyone chuckled.

"Worst moment?" Jaune asked, "I can't think of anything."

"Just the time travel stuff but I can get past it." Blake shrugged.

"Same here." Weiss added. "It's the only thing that didn't work for me."

"What do you want to see in the next season?" Jaune asked.

"What happened to Tex." Blake, Yang, and Weiss immediately answered.

"More weapons!" Ruby shouted.

"Explosions and jokes!" Nora cheered.

"More answers." Ren answered.

"I don't know." Pyrrha shrugged, "More of Caboose but I love everything about the show like Nora does."

"Speaking of this I should see if there even _is_ another season." Jaune said.

He fiddled with his scroll for a second. While he fiddled with it Blake looked in her notebook at her sketches for the Toon Emblem/Sigil. She smiled at the best one, she would share it with the others soon.

"Oh, the next episode is just called. _Alternates_ and it says Filiss will explain more." Jaune shrugged. "That's the last of the Blood Gulch Chronicles."

"Well what are you waiting for?" Yang asked.

"I- I really don't want the show to end." Jaune sighed. "But ok, lets finish this." Jaune smiled.

Everyone looked back to the screen and waited for Filiss.

* * *

**Thanks for all the support! Remember be critical point out mistakes and always give me your suggestions! again next chapter will be the alternate endings! this has been the longest chapter ever. If you have ideas for characters other than the main cast reacting to an episode let me know! even if its for chapter 1 I can edit the chapter and add it in. hope you Enjoyed!**


	102. S5E100: Alternate Endings

**Author's Note:**

**ANNOUNCEMENT: Writing this fic and getting all the support I have has been amazing. I never thought I would get this much and I'm still having trouble believing it. Love you all and I hope I can stick it out and finish this saga of fics. Make it all the way to season 13 and maybe more!**

**Special thanks to:**

**Cruz7808 for amazing ideas and for pointing out my many mistakes.**

**Grifman275 for writing advice and debates, also great ideas. And the great reviews loved your insight.**

**Axel100 for ideas**

**Agent-G for ideas**

**A dark Winter's Wind for the help**

**Troumvirate for his funny as fuck RWBY short stories please read them.**

**Bizmark Alexander for the help**

**Aceman88 for being the first reviewer and for having great ideas.**

**Nevermourned for the reviews and support. I've always waited for Certain people to review my chapters because I loved their insight and you're one of them.**

**Turniphater for showing me with his great fic that react fics can be good.**

**H3ctic for support.**

**Roostertooths for the transcripts even though I bitch about them sometimes. The jokes they made in the transcripts were amazing.**

**And of Course Roosterteeth cause you know they're awesome.**

**If I'm forgetting anyone I'm sorry there were so many who helped point out mistakes and came up with ideas. Please point out mistakes!**

* * *

**Cover Art: Cruz7808**

**Check my profile for any polls**

**Review, point out mistakes, and flame.**

* * *

**Chapter 102- Alternates**

_"Hello! And thank you for continuing to watch the show!"_ Filiss's voice rang out.

"Isn't this the same message as last time?" Ruby asked looking around.

"I think so." Ren answered motioning for her to be quiet so Filiss could continue.

 _"You have finished The Blood Gulch Chronicles and now that you have seen the series finale-"_ Filiss started.

"Series finale!?" Nora shouted.

"No! They can't leave us with that!" Yang shouted angrily.

"Ending with a cliffhanger!?" Blake growled.

"Let her continue." Ren said holding up his hands before more could complain.

 _"-Of the Blood Gulch Chronicles, The Blood Gulch Chronicles have officially ended except for these few alternate endings. After viewing these you will receive another message from me about the continuation of Red Vs Blue. Please hit play to continue viewing Red Vs Blue."_ Filiss finished.

Everyone sighed in relief.

"There's more after this!" Nora cheered.

Everyone grinned, Blake gasped.

"Oh I almost forgot! I have our toon emblems." Blake smiled grabbing her notebook. "I decided to just go simple, our Toon sigil is a rainbow Helmet like from season 1 of the show but I made each of you a patch of a helmet with your symbol and color that you can stick anywhere." Blake explained.

"Ohhh stickers!" Nora and Ruby cheered.

Blake frowned, "They are not stickers. I worked very hard on these patches."

"But they stick like stickers." Yang pointed out as she put hers over her burning heart emblem.

Ruby and Nora grinned putting their stickers on.

Blake sighed and cross her arms.

Weiss and Pyrrha grabbed their respective emblems and smiled.

"Thank you for your hard work Blake." Pyrrha smiled.

"The _patches_ look great." Weiss added.

A faint smile appeared on Blakes face.

Ren smiled grabbing his emblem, "Thank you Blake, anyway I would like to start the episode."

"Me too." Jaune said putting his emblem on his armor piece over his heart.

" **Alternates" appeared on the screen with the theme.**

All eight hummed the theme.

" **Alternate Ending 1 Finch" appeared on the screen.**

**The scene opened to show Church sadly walking away just after Andy exploded Tex's ship.**

Everyone leaned forward.

**Cut to Sarge and the other reds.**

**Sarge: "Yeah Blues, what're we gonna do? Maybe we can all cry big blue tears over our busted ship."**

Everyone frowned.

"Does he not realize that he just lost someone?" Blake asked. _I wonder if Adam was this upset after I left- no. No Adam would focus on the White Fang._

**Sarge: "And who busted it? Oh that's right, Red Army busted it! Then they killed the girlfriend."**

"So he does know." Blake huffed.

"Just cruel." Weiss added.

**Sarge: "and the gross little snot monster."**

"I forgot about Junior." Ruby sighed.

"I didn't." Pyrrha sighed.

**Sarge: "I always thought women and children first, meant-"**

**Sarge gets shot in the chest and nads**

"Yeah that's what you get!" Ruby shouted.

**Sarge: "Oh, son of a bitch!"**

**Simmons: "Sarge?"**

**Church reloads the sniper rifle**

"He landed another shot! First he hit Wyoming and now Sarge he got better!" Ruby cheered.

Blake laughed, "It's not Canon."

**Simmons: "Sarge?"**

**Grif: "Okay hey, we killed one of your guys, and you killed one of ours. That makes us even."**

"Bad math." Ren mumbled, "Tex and Junior died."

"I think Grif knows, he's just trying to stay alive." Jaune explained.

**Simmons: "Actually, we killed Tex and Junior, and they killed Sarge. So technically that means we killed two people, and they only killed one."**

"Why point that out?" Jaune asked.

"It's in Simmons's nature." Blake explained.

**A sniper shot hits Simmons in the front of his face**

**Simmons: "Son of a bitch!"**

**Grif: "Okay now we're even, seriously!"**

**All the Blues level their guns at the Reds, and Grif throws a grenade at the Blues before he and Donut scatter.**

"We're finally going to see the Reds fight the Blues to the death!" Nora cheered.

"Gooooo Bluuue team!" Ruby shouted.

"Yeah!" Jaune, Pyrrha, and Yang cheered.

"Go sister!" Yang added.

"Goooo Red Team!" Nora shouted.

"Yeah!" Blake and Weiss yelled.

Everyone turned to Ren.

"...Yeah." Ren added half heartedly.

**Grif: "Every man for himself!"**

"No stick together." Pyrrha argued.

"Says the person who just seconds ago cheered for a side." Weiss pointed out.

"It's an alternate ending it's not...whats it called Blake?" Pyrrha asked.

"Not Canon." Blake explained.

**Cut to Church and Caboose near the Tank.**

**Church: "Caboose! Get in that tank and give us cover fire."**

Ren grinned at Yang. "Looks like Caboose is going to be the next person to kill Church."

Yang frowned, "No this is an alternate ending it's not Canon as Blake says."

Ren nodded but frowned on the inside.

**Caboose: "Okay."**

**Church: "And don't shoot me this time!"**

**Caboose: "Okay!"**

**Caboose gets in Sheila and immediately shoots Church with the cannon.**

Everyone burst out laughing.

"We knew it was coming but it was still funny." Jaune laughed.

**Church: "Son of a bitch!"**

**Caboose: "Wait, what was that first part again?"**

Pyrrha chuckled and shook her head.

**Grif hops on the back of the tank and punches open the access panel, setting it on fire.**

"Woah! Strong man Grif!" Yang whooped.

**Caboose: "Abandon ship! Running running running!"**

Everyone chuckled.

"I wonder if that's what Doctor Oobleck thinks every time he runs around the classroom." Jaune commented.

"That's why he's so fast." Yang laughed.

**Behind him the tank blows up, and we cut to Sister and Tucker**

**Tucker: "Don't worry Sister, I'll protect you."**

"His _protection_ comes at a price." Blake sighed.

"She'll be happy to give it to him." Yang shrugged.

**Sarge runs up to them.**

**Sarge: "Aha, got ya Blues."**

"What? He died?" Nora said confused.

**Tucker: "Sarge? I thought you were dead!"**

**Sarge: "I was dead. Doc revived me."**

**Doc literally drops in.**

"He's gotten better as a medic." Pyrrha smiled.

**Doc: "That's right! And if anyone else needs medical attention, I would be more than happy to help-"**

**Sarge shoots Doc in the chest**

"Why would he do that!" Ruby shouted.

**Doc: "Son of a bitch!"**

"They sure do say that a lot." Weiss sighed.

"Yeah I'm surprised they're not going hurgh blegh every time they die." Jaune added.

**Sarge: "Oh, I'm sorry. Doc will be unable to assist anyone else."**

"To answer your question Ruby, Sarge doesn't want his enemy having an advantage. An advantage no side has is good basically." Ren explained.

**Sister slowly levels her gun at the side of Sarge's head, and shoots him in the neck, spinning him around before he falls.**

"Yeah that's what you get!...again!" Ruby shouted.

"Yeah Sister!" Yang added.

**Sarge: "Ah, son of a bitch again. Medic!"**

Everyone chuckled.

**Cut to Tucker.**

**Tucker: "Well, Sister, this looks like it. I don't think we're gonna make it. The Reds are on the attack, and now Doc is dead and can't help us."**

Yang groaned after she realized what Tucker was proposing.

**Doc: "Actually I'm not dead. If you could just hand me my first, aid ki-"**

**Tucker turns and unloads battle rifle rounds in to Doc**

**Doc: "Ohsonofabitch."**

"Awwww, I liked Doc." Nora frowned.

"It's like Grif said. Every man for himself." Ren commented.

**Tucker: "And now that Doc is actually dead, I don't think we're gonna make it. I don't wanna die a virgin."**

"Wow he's that desperate huh." Yang commented.

"Confirms he's a virgin." Ren mumbled.

"We definitely knew that already." Blake laughed.

Weiss and Yang joined in.

**Sister: "Ooh, yeah."**

**Tucker: "Wouldn't you rather spend your last few moments as a lover, and not as a fighter?"**

"I can't decide how I want to go out." Yang sighed, "Fighting would be badass but loving would just be incredible."

"Fighting, protecting others!" Ruby shouted. But then she frowned, "Or happy surrounded by friends...hmmmm?"

"That's not what he meant by lover." Yang pointed out.

"I'm using my normal definition of Lover not your pervert kind!" Ruby shouted.

Yang just shrugged, "I'm gonna go with both, I'll go out however I go out."

"I would rather go as a lover since we have to pick." Jaune shrugged.

"Fighting!" Nora shouted.

"Fighting to protect others." Ren nodded.

"I wanna go as a lover." Ruby finally decided.

"I fight constantly, I would rather go as a lover." Pyrrha said nervously.

"Fighting." Blake said.

"...Can I go with neither?" Weiss asked.

"Yang went with both so I guess." Ruby shrugged.

**Sister: "I never thought about that, uh huh."**

**Tucker: "I've always wanted to go out-"**

**Sister: "Hey ah, no offense, are you gonna keep talking or are we gonna see some action?"**

Yang chuckled, "Tucker just keeps going even though he already scored."

**Tucker: "Bow chicka bow-"**

**Tucker gets shot in the head**

**Tucker: "OW!"**

Nora burst out laughing, "He said Bow Chicka Bow Ow!"

**Grif: "Stay away from my sister!"**

Yang chuckled, "I understand that."

"Me too." Jaune nodded.

"I'm just happy I don't have to worry about guys with Ruby." Yang laughed.

Ruby frowned, "Is that an insult my dear sister Yang?"

Yang looked at Ruby as if she was an idiot, "Ruby? Name one guy- _one woman_ you have shown any kind of romantic interest in? I wasn't saying what you thought I was, You're just not interested."

Ruby huffed, "Good point."

"Please stay innocent Ruby." Blake asked.

Ruby smiled, "Always will be."

**Tucker: "Son of a bitch!"**

**Sister: "Grif, I liked him, he was nice to me!"**

Yang blushed as Ruby burst out laughing.

"You said that after Dad and Qrow scared one of your boyfriends away." Ruby laughed.

"Potential boyfriend, Dad acted like such a nice guy I knew something was wrong. Finally when we were about to leave on our first date he grabbed him and said in a super deep dad voice. 'If you touch one fucking hair on her body I will end you.'" Yang sighed.

Ruby kept laughing, "And after he ran off Dad and Uncle Qrow just couldn't stop laughing."

"And neither could you!" Yang yelled.

"It was funny." Ruby shrugged, "Besides you said you were happy you found out how much of a wuss he was early on."

Yang sighed, "Yeah that's true."

**Sister shoots Grif and kills him**

**Grif: "Son of a bitch!"**

Yang, Ruby, Jaune, and Weiss cringed.

"Killed his own sister." Jaune mumbled.

**As Sister reloads, Donut runs her over on the Ghost**

**Sister: "Son of a bitch! I can't believe you hit a girl."**

"Oh never _ever!_ Use that excuse." Yang growled.

**Donut: "Whatever bitch! Reow!"**

**Caboose runs off, picking up a rocket launcher**

**Donut: "Now it's time to pound some caboose. Woohoo!"**

"Come on Caboose." Pyrrha mumbled.

**Donut chases Caboose to the cliff, but Caboose shoots the rocket launcher at the Ghost and blows it up, along with most of Donut**

**Donut: "Son of a bitch!"**

"Yeah! Go Caboose!" Pyrrha cheered.

"Noooo Donut!" Nora shouted.

"I knew Caboose could do it." Pyrrha smiled.

"Yeah! Blue team won!" Ruby cheered.

**Caboose: "I won! I am the greatest! I beat everyone! And now, no one is left but me."**

Pyrrha chuckled, "Caboose is and always will be the best character on this show."

**The Ghost falls on Caboose from above, killing him.**

**The screen cuts to black.**

**Caboose: "Son of a bitch."**

Pyrrha smile fell.

"It ended in a stalemate." Jaune chuckled.

"A fitting end." Ren laughed.

"Play the next alternate ending." Nora ordered.

"I wonder how many there are." Pyrrha wondered aloud.

" **Alternate Ending 2 Boxy" appeared on the screen.**

**The scene opened to show Church walking away sadly...again.**

"Hmm so it seems the alternate endings will always start here." Ren mumbled.

**Church: "Do whatever you want. I'm goin' home."**

**Simmons: "Sarge? Are... we fighting?"**

**Sarge gets on the radio to Command.**

"And now it deviates." Ren mumbled.

**Sarge: "Vic. Come in, Vic!"**

**Vic: "Yeah dude, whaddya want, dude."**

**Sarge: "We need you to send reinforcements, or an air strike! We got the Blues on the run. We can wipe them out for good this time."**

Everyone leaned forward in curiosity.

**Vic: "Nope, nuh-uh."**

"Yeah I bet he would be pissed." Yang laughed.

**Sarge: "I'm tellin' you it's gonna- excuse me?"**

**Vic: "I said no, we're not helping you, dude. You blew up our ship and screwed up our plan. Dirty business. So you have your little fight and you leave us out of it from now on."**

"I still want to know more about them." Jaune commented.

Ren nodded.

**Sarge: "But, but the Blues, and... the winning, and the, the killing of the Blues, and the murder! Isn't that why we're here? They have a base, we have a base, they have to die! Vic! Vic! Viiic? Vic! Hruh! Fugahugafuh."**

**Sarge runs off.**

**Simmons: "Sarge, where are you going?"**

**Sarge: "To get some answers."**

"I know we got a lot of answers last episode but I want more." Jaune commented.

Ren nodded, "Me too there's still a lot more we need to know."

"Like more about the War, the freelancers, that weird program, the prophecy- just a lot." Jaune sighed.

**Cut to Sarge in front of the underground computer, with Simmons and Grif looking on from afar**

**Sarge: "Vic! I know it's you, answer me! What's going on? Why are we here? Why aren't you helping us?"**

"Why are we here comes up so often." Blake commented.

"Its a great question." Ren commented.

**Simmons: "What's he doing?"**

**Grif: "He's going crazy! That's what he's doing. This is awesome!"**

Yang laughed.

**Sarge: "Vic! Either you start answerin' me, or I start blastin'."**

**Simmons: "Um, Sarge, we don't know what that computer does. It may control more than we think. Taking it offline might be catastrophic."**

"I don't see how." Yang commented.

"Maybe it controls their supplies and rations." Ren pointed out.

Weiss nodded, "Sounds reasonable."

**Vic's face appears on the computer's screen**

**Vic: "Dude. You should listen to him, dude."**

**Sarge: "I know more than you think, Simmons. If my theory is correct, then deactivating this machine could tear apart the very fabric of reality! But that tear would start under Blue Base! Which means for a few sweet nanoseconds, Red Army would enjoy glorious victory before being sucked in to oblivion! Hahah, score."**

"He is absolutely insane." Weiss commented.

"I love it!" Nora shouted.

**Donut: "Sarge, I'm scared!"**

**Grif hops on the radio to the Blues**

**Grif: "Hey Blues! I think you should get down here. Sarge is messing with that computer that's connected to everything, and I think he's trying to shut it down."**

**Church: "So what? Shut down your computer. What do we care?"**

**The Blue Base rocks**

"That's not good." Ruby mumbled.

**Church: "What was that?"**

**Sarge: "How'd you like that? Here's another!"**

Nora giggled with glee, "I love Sarge!"

**Vic: "Ow, dude! That was my heatsink. Now where the fuck am I gonna sink my heat?"**

Yang snorted while Nora burst out laughing.

"I don't know why that line is so funny but it is." Jaune laughed.

**A giant rock spike falls down in the background**

**Grif: "Whohoa, hey Sarge, I'm really glad you realized Command's full of shit and all, but could you be a little more careful? I almost got killed by a stalagmite!"**

"Stalactite." Ren corrected.

**Donut: "Grif it's stalactites. Stalagmites are the ones that grow up from the ground."**

**Grif: "Who cares? The point is, I almost got killed by a huge fucking-"**

**A stalagsomething falls from the ceiling and crushes Grif, killing him**

**Grif: "Ow."**

"Rip." Yang commented.

**Vic turns off the computer**

**Sarge: "Yeah, I did it! I shut him down! And there are absolutely no negative repercussions."**

"He jinxed himself." Blake mumbled.

**The video game music from like ep 49 starts playing when Church went back in time. "Red vs Blue" appears on the screen.**

Everyone looked at the screen in confusion.

**Sarge: "What the hell is this?"**

"My question exactly." Yang mumbled.

**The screen says "Congratulations player! You have winner! Thank you for playing RED vs BLUE Please play the Red vs. Blue 2 The adventure begins to continue again... Coming Winter 2004 soon! Copyright Kobayashi Games Ltd."**

Everyone squinted as they read the message.

"Kobayashi Games must have made the Ring games!" Ren gasped

"Ring...no the games are called Red vs Blue but...wait no they said this is Red vs Blue 1 but we know its not. Never mind." Jaune sighed.

"And 2004...hmm the time of the game? The show? Or the uni- the place this game is from." Ren wondered aloud.

Jaune shrugged.

"I don't think it matters much, play it I wanna see what happens next." Blake commented.

**Sarge: "Yeah, I am the winner of the what the hell am I lookin' at?"**

**A credit roll begins with all Japanese names.**

" **Colors" by Trocadero starts playing at the Japanese lyrics part.**

" _ **Issho no toki wa"**_

"That's definitely not Spanish." Ren mumbled.

" _ **Iro nante kankei nai**_

_**Issho no toki wa** _

_**Hachi-bitto de juubun** _

_**Corazon feathers"** _

"We heard this song before didn't we?" Jaune asked.

Ren nodded, "That means I can translate it."

" _ **Dousen no naka wo tobu**_

_**When we're together** _

_**Subete wa bokura no mono"** _

**The credits rolled and...they weren't blurred!**

"Woah!" Yang shouted.

**But they were going by fast.**

"All those names look kinda weird." Nora commented.

"They're going fast I can hardly read them." Ren added.

**The screen showed an asian man in a recording booth with the caption. "Taka Nishi as "Caboose"**

**Taka: "I like me"**

"There's no way that's Caboose's voice actor." Pyrrha commented.

"Sounds nothing like Caboose." Ren added.

**Then an Asian woman appeared with the caption.**

" **Chisato Oda As "Sarge"**

"Sarge is a girl?" Nora asked.

"No. The one time we actually get to see the credits they're fake." Jaune sighed.

Ren sighed too, "Still begs the question, who are they?"

"Probably family, friends, or fans. I've heard about some shows doing joke credits before." Blake explained.

**The rest of the credits play with Chisato Oda and Taka Nishi doing one more cameo.**

**The screen cuts to Black then fades in to a Halo 2 PostGame Carnage Report with Donut having 1 kill. Sarge, Grif, and Simmons with 0 kills on Red team. Then Caboose with -1 kills Tex with 99 kills and 1 death, Tucker and Church with 0 kills except Church had 1 death. Wonder who caused that.**

Jaune, Ruby, and Yang each had a mini freak out.

"It's a videogame!" Ruby shouted.

"What? We already knew that?" Weiss pointed out.

"No no we know but it's finally acknowledging it!" Jaune laughed.

"Tex with 99 kills." Yang laughed.

Pyrrha sighed, "Caboose with -1."

"Caboose killed Church, Donut killed Tex, and Tex killed a bunch of those fanatics." Ren explained. "But the others killed robots Lopez and O'Malley made and a bunch of Wyomings."

**Grif: "What the fuck was that?"**

**Simmons: "That was the weirdest match I've ever played."**

Yang, Jaune, and Ruby continued to chuckle.

"I love this." Ruby commented.

**Church: "Dude that sucked, I got team-killed in like the first ten seconds."**

The three started laughing.

"No alternate ending can beat this I'm calling it." Yang laughed.

**Caboose: "Sorry, that was my fault. Some guy kept screaming into the mic."**

**Tucker: "Bow chicka bow wow!"**

The three groaned.

"Those guys are soooo annoying." Ruby groaned.

"He's like an old squeaker." Yang added.

"It makes sense though, Church is the shit talker who sucks, Caboose is the humble noob, Tucker is the annoying squeaker, Tex is the pro, Sarge is the guy who always tries to lead, Grif is the afk player, Simmons is the know it all player, and Donut is just a casual." Jaune explained.

Ruby and Yang nodded.

"Humble noob." Pyrrha chuckled.

"I'm so confused." Weiss sighed.

"Me too." Pyrrha added.

**Church: "Dude! Shut up."**

**Caboose: "See?"**

**Tucker: "Bow chicka bow wow!"**

**Church: "Alright that's it, I'm muting him."**

"I always mute them too." Jaune chuckled.

**Sarge: "Alright, let's play another."**

**Donut: "Dude I am not wearing that armor again."**

"The whole show was just a crazy match." Ruby laughed.

"I wish I could have a match like that." Jaune laughed.

"It would be incredible." Yang added.

**Sarge: "Same teams?"**

**Church: "Yeah same teams, new map."**

**Everyone: "New map!"**

**The screen faded to black.**

"I loved that alternate ending!" Yang laughed.

"Me too lets see the others!" Ruby ordered.

Jaune nodded.

" **Alternate Ending 3 Ruby Sleepers" appeared on the screen.**

**Andy: "Four!"**

**Church: "Andy, do not detonate!"**

**Andy: "Three!"**

**Church: "Can you see her heading?"**

**Andy: "Two!"**

**Church: "Do you know where she's going?!"**

**Andy: "One!"**

**The ship, having lifted off,**

**Disintegrates into a blue-green flash**

**Church: "Tex?"**

**Where the ship disintegrated, a small explosion occurs**

**Church: "Tex?! Nooooooo!"**

Everyone frowned.

"I hope next season Tex turns out to be alive." Ruby mumbled.

Nora nodded, "I don't want to see Church sad."

**Scene wavers to Church lying on the ground in Halo: CE right after Caboose shot him with Sheila.**

**Church: "No...Tex..."**

"Ohh is this a it was all a dream alternate ending?" Jaune asked.

Blake nodded, "looks like it, glad its not the canon ending man that would make me mad."

**Tucker covered with the "black stuff" appears**

**Tucker: "Church! Wake up!"**

"Hmm so this is around episode 8 and 9 of season 1." Ren commented.

**Church: "Meguhulwha? Tex? Tex, is that you?"**

**Tucker: "Tex? No, it's me Tucker. Who the fuck is Tex?"**

**Church: "Wha, what's goin on? Where am I?"**

**Tucker: "You got shot by the tank, the new rookie did it."**

"I wonder how the show would have went if he didn't die." Blake commented.

"They would have never found out he could be a ghost." Jaune pointed out.

**Caboose walks up**

**Caboose: "Yeah, sorry. Um, that tank is kinda hard to use, and I didn't have the proper training."**

"He sounds different." Ruby commented.

"Yeah...smarter?" Yang added.

"It's because in the first season he wasn't that dumb yet. But then his helmet circulation hot cut off and lack of oxygen damaged his brain." Ren explained.

"...I thought that was just a joke." Ruby frowned.

Pyrrha sighed, "It explains it though."

**Tucker: "Yeah dude you were out for a few minutes, I thought you were dead. You kept moaning about the future and aliens and stuff."**

They all chuckled.

**Church gets up**

**Church: "(sigh) Man, I had the weirdest dream. There was an evil computer program, and a bomb, and my ex-girlfriend was there..."**

"It does all make sense as a dream." Blake commented.

"I'm glad I never have crazy dreams like that." Weiss commented.

"Crazy? Those are normal for me. Like when I had the dream where me and Ren were surrounded by Ursa! And we-" Nora started.

"Nora please." Ren said calmly.

**Tucker: "Boring."**

**Church: "Yeah, and you were there Tucker, and you were there too rookie, and the tank was there..."**

**Screen pans left, to reveal a green colored soldier.**

"Woah who's that?" Ruby asked.

**Jenkins: "Was I there Church?"**

**Church: "No, Jenkins, you weren't there. I don't know why, guess I just forgot about you. Sorry."**

"Ahh a new character? Now I wanna see what happens but it's just an alternate ending." Ruby complained.

"I want to see more too." Blake sighed, "But at least the show continues after this."

**Jenkins: "Ah, oh well. Maybe next time-"**

**Simmons and Grif run from the cliff to them**

**Simmons: "Freeze blues!"**

**Blues turn to them**

**Tucker: "Oh shit! Run!"**

Everyone leaned forward.

**Church: "No! Nonono, it's okay, we actually worked with these guys."**

"This isn't gonna be good." Jaune commented.

**Simmons: "Huh?"**

**Tucker: "What?"**

**Church: "Yeah, I mean, we still had our differences and everything, but we came to overcome those to face a common challenge-"**

Pyrrha smiled, "Church learned a lesson."

**Simmons and Grif open fire brutally on Church and Tucker**

**Church: "Chigchugaow!"**

**Tucker: "Whawhatwhaaa!"**

"Woah! That was brutal." Yang commented.

Pyrrha and Ruby cringed.

"It was." Pyrrha squirmed.

**Simmons and Grif pause and begin to open fire on Caboose and Jenkins**

**Caboose: "Ahhahhhahhhhhhh!"**

**Jenkins: "Auhhhh!"**

"Hmm they reused Caboose's death scream." Ren pointed out.

**Grif switches to pistol and lowers it, followed by Simmons**

**Grif: "What the fuck was that guy talking about?"**

"Wow, instead of standing around talking they actually behaved as soldiers...I would rather them do what they normally do." Weiss frowned.

"Don't soldiers usually take prisoners?" Ruby asked.

"Sometimes." Weiss explained.

**Simmons: "Who cares? I'll get Sarge on the radio."**

**Grif: "Aight, sounds good."**

**Grif runs towards the clif and around the corner, while Simmons contacts Sarge via radio**

**Simmons: "Hey Sarge, we cleared out this sector, what do you want us to do?"**

**Sarge (radio): "Good work Simmons, get busy packin, let's move on to the next zone."**

**Simmons runs toward the cliff and around the corner.**

**The screen fades to black.**

"That was interesting." Weiss commented.

"Next one!" Nora shouted.

" **Alternate Ending 4 Tex Wins" appeared on the screen.**

"Tex wins." Yang chuckled.

**Andy: "Four!"**

**Church: "Andy, do not detonate!"**

**Andy: "Three!"**

**Church: "Can you see her heading?"**

**Andy: "Two!"**

**Church: "Do you know where she's going?!"**

**Andy: "One!"**

**Church: "Tex! Come back!"**

**The ship screches to a halt and turns to face the group**

Everyone stared in confusion.

**Grif: "Hey look she's coming back. How 'bout that?"**

**The ship faces them but doesn't move.**

**Grif: "That thing doesn't have, uh, have weapons on it or anything, does it?"**

**The ship fire a missile at the group**

**Sarge: "Aw snap."**

**The missile explodes in the middle of Church, Sarge, Simmons, Donut, and Grif, killing them and perhaps Tucker and Caboose off screen**

**The screen cuts to black.**

Nora burst out laughing.

"What? That was it? That was weird." Weiss commented.

"Uh yeah...next one. Is there a next one?" Ruby asked.

Jaune nodded.

" **Alternate ending 5 Where Are They Now?" Appeared on the screen.**

**The ship disintergrates into a blue-green flash**

**Church walkes next to Tucker**

**Tucker: "Uh, Church, what should we do?"**

**Sarge: "Yeah Blues, what are we gonna do? Maybe we should cry big blue tears over our busted ship. And who busted it? Oh that's right. Red Army busted it! And they killed the girlfriend and gross little snot monster. I always thought women and children first mis-"**

"Hmm that was the same one as last time?" Ren commented confused.

**Sarge gets shot twice by sniper rifles**

**Sarge: "Oh son of a bitch!"**

" **Noobs Rush In" by Trocadero starts playing.**

"Hey that's the fanatic song." Jaune laughed.

**Text: After his tour in Blood Gulch, Sarge was awarded the Badge of Redness, but had it revoked when he would not reveal his real name for the certificate. He commanded various Red Forces throughout the following years and was eventually killed at Gemini 8. He died exactly the way he wanted: after Grif.**

"I knew Sarge couldn't be his actual name." Weiss commented.

"Gemini 8..." Ren mumbled.

"Dexter Grif, Michael J Caboose, Franklin Delano Donut, Allison Tex, Leonard Church, Lavernius Tucker, Reginald Wyoming and some more I might be forgetting but I think that's it." Ren said.

"You recalled all that from memory? Thats impressive." Pyrrha complimented.

**Simmons: "Sarge? Sarge!"**

**Cuts to Simmons death scene**

**Simmons gets shot in the face by a sniper rifle**

**Simmons: "Son of a bitch!"**

**Text: Simmons stole Sarge's identity after his death and attempted to resume his life. He was discovered and court-martialed by the Red Army. He is currently awaiting execution in a military prison.**

"Simmons ending is dark." Blake commented.

"And kind of sad." Pyrrha added.

**Grif: "Every man for himself!"**

**Cuts to Grif's death scene**

**Grif gets shot in the head by a pistol**

**Grif: "Son of a bitch!"**

**Text: Grif was killed by Sarge shortly before his death.**

Everyone laughed at that.

**Church: "Caboose! Get in that tank and give me cover fire!"**

**Cuts to Church's death scene**

**Church: "And don't shoot me this time!"**

**Caboose: "Okay!"**

**Tank fires on Church**

**Church: "Son of a Bitch."**

Everyone laughed again as Pyrrha shook her head.

"It's still funny!" Nora laughed.

**Text: Church is an Anger Management social worker in Quincy, IL.**

"Hmm Quincy IL maybe another state." Ren commented.

**Tucker: "I don't want to die a virgin."**

**Sister: "Ooh..."**

**Cuts to Tucker's death scene**

**Tucker: "Bow-chicka-bow-"**

**Tucker gets shot in the head with a battle rifle**

**Tucker: "-ow!"**

"Bow chicka bow ow." Nora laughed again.

**Text: Tucker went AWOL shortly after the events of the Blood Gulch Chronicles. He was last spotted on a stolen ship, on a heading towards the alien homeworld. His current whereabouts are unknown.**

"Hmm his ending is mysterious." Weiss commented.

"Maybe he's going there to take care of Junior." Pyrrha smiled.

"Or leave him with his own kind." Blaks commented, "It's not uncommon for Faunus orphans to be sent to menagerie."

**Sister: "I liked him, he was nice to me!"**

**Cuts to Sister's death scene**

**Sister gets run-over by Donut's Ghost**

**Sister: "Son of a bitch!"**

**Text: Sister works as an etiquette coach at the prestigious Paris Hilton School for Girls.**

"Etiquette coach?! Her!" Weiss shouted.

Everyone chuckled at her anger.

**Sister: "I can't believe you would hit a girl!"**

**Donut: "Whatever bitch. Reow!"**

**Cuts to Donut's death scene**

**Caboose fires a rocket at Donut in his Ghost**

**Donut flies off hitting the ground then the cliff wall**

**Donut: "Son of a bitch!"**

**Text: Donut married an exotic dancer named Tiffany. They have twelve children.**

"Huh, I thought he was gay." Yang commented.

"Me too." Blake added.

"Maybe he's bisexual." Ren suggested.

"12 kids, and I thought my mom had it tough with 8." Jaune commented.

**Caboose: "I won! I am the greatest!"**

Pyrrha chuckled.

**Cuts to Caboose's death scene**

**Donut's Ghost hits Caboose on the head**

**Text: Caboose sold his life story to a software company based in Redmond, WA.**

"Hmm so that's where the game company for Ring is based. Kobayashi Games Ltd. limited company. Hmm I thought they called those LLC. I need to educate myself about business more." Ren mumbled.

Weiss sighed thinking of her Dad.

**Music ends**

**A small jingle plays**

**Text: They based a popular video game on it.**

**Caboose: "Son of a bitch."**

**Cut to black**

"There's another." Jaune commented.

"Play it already." Nora ordered yet again.

" **Alternate Ending 6 Invasion" appeared on the screen.**

**The ship disintergrates in a blue-green flash**

**Church: "Tex?"**

**Grif: "Boo! No explosion! That sucked."**

**Where the ship disintegrated, a small explosion occurs**

**Tucker: "Uh, Church, what should we do?"**

**Sarge: "Yeah Blue! What are we gonna do? Maybe we can cry big blue tears over our busted ship. An-"**

**Plasma bolts hit Sarge from off screen**

**Sarge: "Ahhh son of a bitch!"**

"Woah!" Yang yelled.

"The plasma rifles right Ruby?" Ren asked.

Ruby nodded, "Yeah that was definitely the Plasma bullets from that weird alien gun thing the robots had."

"I'm understanding the title." Jaune chuckled.

**Grif: "What the hell? Where'd that come from?"**

**Church: "Oh shit! Alien invasion! RUN!"**

**Cut to incoming alien invasion, with a Spectre heading toward them and a Banshee flying overhead**

Ruby and Yang ogled the Alien vehicles and weapons.

**Unknown Alien: "Blarg blarg blarg!"**

**Switches to Blue team aliens with a Wraith**

**Teal Alien: "Blarg blarg blarg!"**

**Teal Alien: "Blarg blarg blarg!"**

**Cyan Alien: "Honk!"**

Nora was giggling to herself while everyone else watched the Aliens attack.

"I'm understanding more and more about the war. They completely surprised them with superior technology." Ren commented.

**Switches to a pink alien pulling out a energy sword**

**Pink Alien: "Blarg!"**

"That sword." Jaune sighed.

"You know Jaune, having a new sword like that would mean more training." Pyrrha pointed out.

"I'm happy to train more." Jaune smiled.

**Fades to black, then switches with the bottom of a red flag on a wall**

**Maroon Alien: "Blarg."**

**Orange Alien: "Honk."**

"Ohhh its like episode 1." Ruby commented.

The others chuckled.

**Maroon Alien: "Blargety blarg blarg honk?"**

**Orange Alien: "Blargety blarg blarg blarg blarg? Honk honky blarg? Blargety blarg blarg blarg, blargety blarg blarg."**

**Screen goes switches between the two for a few seconds**

**Maroon Alien: "Blarg?"**

**Screen goes to a Beam Rifle scope pointed at Red Base, then to the Teal and Cyan aliens**

"It's cool seeing their alien counter parts." Pyrrha commented.

**Teal Alien: "Uh, Blargety blarg blarg?"**

**Cobalt Alien: "Honk..."**

**The scene faded to black.**

"That's the last of them." Jaune sighed.

The others sighed as well.

Yang stood up groaning as she stretched. "Well I'm done for today."

Everyone stood up and stretched.

"Wow I was sitting for a while." Ruby complained.

"I wasn't someone kept asking me to get them food." Ren sighed.

Nora giggled innocently.

"I have a bunch of work to do, I need to simulate plasma with dust for Ren and Yang's project. I need to talk to Jaune's sister and her wife about hover tech. And just sooooo much weapon stuff!" Ruby shouted happily.

"I'm gonna work out." Yang shrugged.

"Ohhh ohh! Can I come with?" Nora asked.

"I'd like to join also." Pyrrha smiled.

Yang smiled, "Sure come on."

"Hold on." Jaune said, "What was your all's favorite alternate ending?"

"The video game one." Ruby and Yang answered immediately."

Jaune smiled, "Same here."

"Tex wins!" Nora laughed.

"The first one because Caboose won." Pyrrha laughed.

"The dream one." Blake commented.

"I liked that one too, it was interesting." Weiss smiled.

"The last one, it gave me insight on the war." Ren explained.

Jaune nodded.

"Oh and before we all go remember! Our first mission as Toon RRAYNNBW is to donate blood remember?" Weiss asked.

"For cookies!" Ruby cheered.

"For cookies!" Nora repeated.

"We're also getting medic training." Weiss pointed out.

"I'm surprised that class isn't taught here." Jaune commented.

Ruby frowned "I thought professor peach-"

"Who?" Yang asked.

"Professor Peach...she's the one who assigned us the field trip to forever fall." Ruby explained.

"Hmm I vaguely remember her." Ren frowned.

"What? She's a professor here!" Ruby shouted.

"Eh, I don't remember her class." Yang shrugged.

"W- Nora? Do you remember her?" Ruby asked.

Nora just shrugged.

Ruby huffed, "I liked professor peach...well, I have a lot of work to do. Are we gonna watch season 6 tomorrow?"

Everyone nodded.

Ruby smiled, "I can't wait!"

Jaune chuckled, "You know? This show being downloaded onto my scroll at first seemed bad but...I like it. No, love it."

Weiss nodded, "Yeah, I have classwork but I look forward to tomorrow. At first the show was terrible but it grew on me."

"I feel the same way." Blake smiled.

"We've all learned so much from it too." Ren smiled.

Weiss nodded.

"I love some of the quotes from this show." Pyrrha commented.

Blake and Weiss nodded.

"I also love all the characters, especially Caboose but for a show that seemed so...silly I guess the acting was surprisingly great." Pyrrha explained.

Weiss and Blake nodded again.

"Well, season 6 tomorrow, same time?" Jaune asked.

Everyone nodded.

"Well, see you all then. I need to practice." Jaune chuckled.

**The End: RWBY and JNPR watch The Blood Gulch Chronicles**

* * *

**Sorry if the reactions were a little less...there wasn't much for them to react to sometimes without it just being filler. I also didn't really know how to end it well. Please criticize and point out mistakes!**

**Plans for future fics as of now**

**Fic 2 will start with Recovery 1 and end with season 8 finale**

**Fic 3 will start with Season 9 ep 1 and end with season 10 finale**

**Fic 4 will start with the Season 11 ep 1 and end with season 13 finale**

**Fic 5 will be all of season 14**

**Fic 6? If I decide to do the infamous Shisno paradox. Infamous in my mind because I hate everything about it. I've ranted about it before and won't again in authors notes.**

**Fics after that? Who knows. I love all the support I've gotten, just holy fuck you guys have been amazing. I hope you all stick with me to the end of this fic saga!** **This fic has grown so much and it's all thanks to you.**

**My offer for someone to draw a cover photo for this fic still stands and** _**will** _ **stand until someone does so remember that!**

**Edit: Even though Cruz7808 has done cover art, the offer remains.**

**And Finally, I read every review even, it doesn't matter how late you are to the party.**

**Until next time-** **_CeruleanLancer_ **


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